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Something had stuck to him since the day Alec confessed his love to Magnus. Even though this was supposed to be their happy time, all Alec could think about is the fact that Alec is just blip on Magnus’s radar. Magnus is immortal. Magnus is The High Warlock Of Brooklyn, and Alec is just a shadowhunter, a mortal shadowhunter. There will come a day when Alec grows old and dies or even worse he gets attacked by demons and ends up dead. And when he dies, Magnus will move on. Alec knows that Magnus loves him, truly loves him, but one day he will have to move on, and then Alec will become a distant memory.
As he walks down the busy streets of New York with his glamour rune active, he looks at the mundane couples around him. He thinks to himself ‘This is never going to be me and Magnus’. We will never grow old together, we will never have that forever, that everybody is talking about. Sometimes he wishes that they weren’t a shadowhunter and a warlock, just regular mundanes. But that’s never going to happen.
Magnus is immortal and ageless. When Alec turns 60, he will look like a pervert prying on a young man. It’s better to end it now before it gets too serious, before the feelings grow stronger.
A week has past since Alec talked to Magnus. Magnus refused to talk to him, his last words to Alec were ‘Pack your bags and leave my apartment’. Magnus refused to take his calls, refused to talk to him, or anyone else for that matter. Isabelle tried talking to Magnus, but Magnus wouldn’t budge. He told them to leave him alone, that he doesn’t want to be their pet anymore. Since the day Isabelle talked to Magnus, he broke off all the connection he had with him, his family, the clave and the whole Shadowhunter world. And Alec blamed himself for that. It was his fault. It’s his fault Magnus cut him off. He deserved it. The reason he can’t reach Magnus is because he tried to take Magnus’s immortality away. That day he lost Magnus, but he gain some kind of closure. He realized something that day. Immortality meant more to Magnus than Alec’s love for him.
The realization hurt, but he had to accept it as it is. Alec needed to get rid of Magnus’s constant presence in his head, in his heart. He needed to stop the feelings he had for Magnus.
Now he’s here, infront of his door. Unsure about what he’s supposed to do.
“Magnus, I know you’re here. You can’t ignore me forever.” Alec banged on Magnus’s door. He need to see him. Even though it’s the last time.
“Please, Magnus. Open the door, please.” His voice softened. Just as he’s about to put his fist on the door, they open slowly. And there was Magnus. If he didn’t know him very well, he wouldn’t have been able to recognize him. He looked like a train run him over. Magnus turned around leaving the door open.
“What do you want Alec?” His voice was broken, no more cheerful Magnus. Just a shell of the warlock he knows.
“We need to talk, Magnus.” His own voice breaking. He’s gonna rip his own heart in the process, but what kills him the most, is that he might hurt Magnus.
“What’s there to say, Alec? There’s no conversation to be had, I said what had to say that day.” Alec could hear it in Magnus’s voice, the anger, the pain.
“I’m not here to apologize, Magnus. I’m not here to say 'I’m sorry I tried to take your immortality away, so we can grow old together.’ I’m here to say that I want to end this, even though I ripping my own heart in shreads right now. I don’t care. You choose immortality over me. So I don’t want to stand in your way. I can’t stand by you and be with you, and not think about what will happen after I die. I love you, Magnus. I do, but I don’t want to think about you moving on, and finding another love. So this is it. Goodbye, Magnus.” As Alec turned to leave the door slammed closed. He turned to Magnus immediately, he could see the blue flames disappearing from Magnus’s fingertips, and just blink of moment Magnus crumbles down, his eyes full of unshed tears. His heart was beating so fast, he though it would break, because it was so goddamn hard watching Magnus hurt.
“You think it’s easy for me, Alec? Immortality is apart of me. I have lived almost four centuries with it. You think it’s easy for me to give that up. Who knows what will happen to me if I do that. I could die.” His voice crumbled, Alec couldn’t watch him like this. “You think I haven’t thought about becoming a mortal? I have seen so much of this world. I had my heart broken several times, by the people I thought loved me. I was right when I said that you’ve unlocked something in me, because you did. You gave me something to hold on to. You made me fall in love. You made me feel the kind of love I never felt. I love you, Alec, so much it hurts!” Alec had never saw him like this, and it hurt so damn much to watch the person he loved the most, hurt so much.
“But do you know why it hurts so much, Alec? It hurts because I love you and you couldn’t even trust me enough to voice your fears. You don’t trust me, that’s why it hurts so much.”
Alec walked over to Magnus slowly. Even though the fear of Magnus moving on and him dying, was still in his head, what dominated it was the love he felt for Magnus. He couldn’t stop himself from picking up Magnus up in arms and tucking him under his chin, whispering softly 'everything will be alright. we figure it out to together.’ He just couldn’t give up on Magnus. He loved him too much to be apart from him.