Work Text:
"Where do I go from here?"
Jiro was lying down on his bed, blasting whatever song was on his playlist in his headphones. It was to drown out the constant thoughts flowing in his head, but no music, however loud it is, could ever mute them. He reflected back on that moment; the moment his supposed father suddenly came in and told him and Saburo that their all mighty Nii-chan was lying to them this whole time. That he couldn't trust them with the truth. It's stupid, isn't it? After being gone for most of their lives, he decided to suddenly crash and shatter the happy family life that they've built up from the scraps left behind.
Jiro turned up the volume even louder. It started to give him a headache, but maybe that is what will finally quiet these thoughts down. He curled up into a ball and hugged his knees close. His image of Nii-chan, his unwavering respect...he's starting to doubt it. If Ichiro wasn't who he thought he was, then who was he? Ichiro was his idol, his role model; the one he looked up to. But having this rose tinted perception of his big brother destroyed and now being faced with the reality of who he actually was, Jiro isn't sure what Ichiro is to him. He felt like now he couldn't trust Ichiro's words as easily as he was able to. Ichiro...is starting to look different in his eyes.
The loudness of the music had caught up to his senses and now was booming in his ears. Jiro got up and threw the headset to the floor. Turning off the music, he flopped onto the bed. Music or not, the thoughts still remained...
...he couldn't keep them in any longer.
Scrambling out of bed, Jiro hastily grabbed his jacket and hat before bolting out of his room and heading downstairs. As he was rushing to put the garments on properly, he took a moment to realize how quiet the house had been. It was early evening, meaning Ichiro was still working at the office. That left Saburo...and speaking of which, the brat was sitting on the couch, watching whatever was on that AiPad of his. Saburo seemed to notice Jiro and turned his head towards him, disregarding the video playing.
"And where are you heading? Don't do something stupid and botch up our chance at the preliminaries."
Oh. That's right. The 2nd DRB. That completely slipped out of his mind...great. Another thing to worry about on top of all this.
"It's none of your business. Buzz off."
Jiro held back a "tsk" sound as he turned towards the door and slipped on his sneakers. Saburo shrugged his shoulders and dropped the conversation as he turned back to his AiPad.
-
The weather was cool outside. Well, to be expected of a September night. Jiro knew of a place he could safely confide in - confide in his feelings. Jiro's feet just carried him, and soon he ended up at that familiar bar in Shinjuku. Thank god he had just enough change in his pocket to afford the fare. As he stepped in, the slow jazz music soothed his ears with a soft ambience. And behind the counter top was just the person he needed to see.
"Hey, Urumi."
Jiro muttered as he sat on one of the stools. Urumi was busy mixing a drink as she turned her head towards Jiro, eyes slightly widened.
"Oh, hey Jiro. Didn't expect to see you here..."
Urumi finished making her drink and quickly poured a glass of cola and slid it to Jiro. Jiro mumbled a "thanks." as he took a sip. Urumi turned her full body towards Jiro.
"So, what brings you at my bar this late, hon? Need me to dig up information on someone again?"
Jiro shook his head. He placed his soda down and looked at Urumi.
"No...there's been something I've been meaning to get off my chest...
...it's about Nii-chan."
Umiri's eyes widened, then softened as she took a seat next to Jiro. She nodded her head, a signal for Jiro to continue. Jiro got the sign and looked down at his drink.
"I don't know. It's just...something happened, and now I think I'm starting to doubt my trust in Nii-chan."
He turned his body towards Umiri and made eye contact.
"He was the person I looked up to the most more than anyone else. He's the reason I try to be a good big brother to Saburo, just like he is. I always believed in what he said, even if it was wrong. Him lying to me and Saburo...I feel so betrayed."
Jiro gripped onto the glass tightly. His eyes squinted as he tried to hold back tears.
"Did he not believe in us? Did he think we wouldn't be able to handle what really happened to our family? Why...why did he think he had to lie to us...?"
Jiro couldn't hold it in anymore as a few tears slipped out of his eyes. Urumi offered a shoulder as Jiro sobbed into it. Urumi stroke his hair as he let it out. It stayed like that for minutes.
When Jiro was reduced to a few sniffles, Urumi let go and looked at Jiro. Her eyes had a stern demeanour.
"Now listen here, sweetie. You've talked to me about your brother a number of times. And from what I can tell, he loves you and little Saburo - a lot. It's so much, nothing in this world would be able to ever compare. He loves his family, and he'd do anything to protect your peaceful lives, no matter what he would have to do. He loves you, Jiro."
Urumi placed two firm hands on Jiro's shoulders and straightened his posture. Jiro looked up at Urumi.
"He might have lied to protect you guys from how hurtful the truth was. Maybe Ichi thought that was the best course to take, even though it hurt you and little Saburo's feelings. But your Nii-chan is just a human."
Urumi gave Jiro's shoulder a tight squeeze.
"No matter how great his accomplishments might be, or no matter how much he tries and sacrifices for the well being of your family...at the end of the day, he's just like you - a human. Even the greatest person has made mistakes here and there. But I want you to know this...even if he hurt your feelings, he did it with your best interest in his heart. He did it from the love in his heart, the love for his family. Your Nii-chan is trying his best, and even if he messes up, I want you and Saburo to be there and tell him that you still love him regardless, and that whatever it is...you'll get through it. As family; as Buster Bros."
Urumi let go of Jiro. He sniffled and rubbed his eyes.
"But...I don't want him to keep hiding from us to 'protect' us...i don't want him to hide from me. I want to stand by his side, as an equal, and handle his and our problems together. I want Nii-chan to be able to trust me."
Urumi softly smiled at Jiro and placed a hand on top of his.
"Then you go tell him that. Tell him that you're ready; that you've grown up. You're mature enough to handle this - whatever he has to face alone. Tell him: we can do it. Together."
Jiro's eyes widen as another tear slips out of his eye. He tightly hugs Urumi.
"Thanks...thanks so much for hearing me, Urumi..."
Urumi was slightly shocked by the sudden hug, but returned it. When they let go, Urumi wipes the tear from Jiro's eye.
"You got this, baby. You can do it."
The soda was done, so Urumi got up to quickly wash it. Jiro got up too and prepared to pay for his drink when Urumi shook her head.
"It's on the house tonight."
Jiro's eyes slightly widen at that.
"Really...? But-"
"Don't you worry, Jiro. And don't think of needing to pay back another time."
Jiro stood there for a moment before smiling at Urumi once again.
"...thanks, Urumi. You really got my back."
Urumi smiled back.
"No problem, dear."
Jiro waved goodbye at Urumi as he exited the bar. He prepared to go back to Ikebukuro with a clear goal in mind. And he was gonna make sure Ichiro knew about it.
-
By the time Jiro got back, it was already late. Around 9:30. Ichiro was already home and making dinner, and Saburo was helping set up the table. When Jiro opened the door, both brothers looked at him with wide eyes.
"Oh. And look who decided to join dinner with us after all."
Saburo didn't even look at Jiro when he said that. Ichiro...said nothing and softened his eyes.
"Welcome back, Jiro. Where were you? You weren't answering any of my calls."
Ichiro's voice was filled with slight worry. Jiro could feel it. He dug around his pockets and realized he hadn't taken his phone this whole time.
"Sorry. Forgot to bring my phone with me."
Jiro took off his sneakers and outerwear before heading to the table. Ichiro frowned but said nothing again and instead sighed. He put a big pot of dinner in the middle of the table...Yamada curry. The classic household dish. Saburo was already seated. So Jiro just took his seat as well. Finally, Ichiro also took his seat. His expression was rather grim.
"...let's just eat. I made our Yamada curry today for dinner. Hope you guys like it."
The rest of dinner was silent. Aside from the sounds of plates and whatnot, no one peeped a word. The curry tasted as warm as Ichiro usually makes it, but something made it feel...cold. Maybe it was because of what happened the past few days. Maybe it was the worry radiating off of Ichiro. Maybe it was just the deathly silence in the air; the usual bickering was nowhere to be found. Only...tension.
As everyone finished eating their portion, Saburo gave his thanks and headed up to his room. The other two could hear a loud slam from his door. Ichiro stayed behind to clean up. And Jiro...Jiro decided today to stay behind too. He stacked the plates and brought them to Ichiro, who was washing the dishes. Ichiro was surprised, judging from the look he gave to Jiro. He turned back to the dishes.
"Thanks..."
His voice was quiet, much different from the Nii-chan Jiro was used to...well, the Nii-chan he thought of then was always completely different from how he really acted.
"No problem."
After he was done cleaning the table, Jiro took his spot besides Ichiro and started drying the dishes. He took a rag and started working. Ichiro noticed and couldn't help but to comment.
"It's nice of you to help me today. Especially since you suddenly ran outside without your phone two hours ago."
That last part stung, but Jiro knew he was right.
"Listen...Nii-chan? There's something I've wanted to tell you."
Ichiro turned towards Jiro, listening. Jiro took this as his sign to continue.
"...ugh. Where do I even begin with this..."
"It's okay. Take your time."
"..."
Jiro took a minute to collect his words before speaking again.
"When you lied to me and Saburo...it really hurt. It felt like you couldn't trust us to know the true situation of our family."
Ichiro's eyes widened at that sentence. His eyes then softened and he opened his mouth.
"I know, and I'm sorry. I was only doing it to-"
"To protect the peaceful life you've built for us."
Jiro turned to Ichiro. His eyes were filled with something...something he'd never felt before. Well, maybe he did feel it before; but that was for a different reason. It was the feeling he felt when he gave it his all during rapping, but now...now, it holds a different meaning. Determination.
"Listen...I'm so, so, so grateful for everything you've done to raise me and Saburo. I really am, but..."
"But...?"
Jiro took in a deep breath before starting to pour his feelings out.
"...I don't want you to hide from us anymore. From me and Saburo. We want to be with you, as equals. As brothers, on the frontlines. Whatever you're dealing with, we want to face it with you. Together."
Ichiro looked down at the sink to take in what Jiro said. It took a minute before he turned his head back towards Jiro.
"But it's a tough world out there. I don't want you guys to have to go through the same suffering that I had to go through when I was your age. It's dangerous. I don't want you two to get hurt. I...I don't want you to suffer."
Ichiro's voice was soft and laced with paranoia on what could happen to his baby brothers. His body slightly trembled as he was speaking. Jiro put down the rag and fully turned his body towards Ichiro. He held his hands with his own.
"But we want to, Nii-chan. We want to take on the problems with you. We're both grown up, don't you see? I mean, I've got more friends and connections I can rely on than I can count on both of my hands. And Saburo's a total tech whiz that can crack through even the most secure of websites!"
Jiro looked down at their hands and Ichiro did the same. Jiro gave Ichiro's hand a firm squeeze.
"We're ready for this. This time, it isn't like the orphanage, where we were so naive and didn't know what you were really doing for us. No...this time, you can rely on us, Nii-chan. Whenever you fall, me and Saburo will be there to catch you and get you back on your feet. We know what's going on now."
Ichiro's eyes started to look glassy, as tears were close to fall down. Jiro could feel his own eyes burning up. He held up Ichiro's hand as he also lifted his head up to Ichiro. Jiro gave him a small, but the warmest smile ever.
"We're the Buster Bros. Rely on us, Nii-chan. We're here."
And just like that, the dam broke. Ichiro couldn't hold back his tears as he grabbed Jiro into a hug and sobbed on his shoulder. Jiro also couldn't hold back his second sob of the day and sobbed onto Ichiro's shoulder too. The two cried their eyes out, their embrace only getting tighter...
When the two finally calmed down, they let themselves go and looked at each other. Each brother gave the other a big smile. Ichiro wiped his eyes with his sleeve and gave a firm nod.
"Yeah, we're Buster Bros. With the three of us, we can tackle any problem there is."
Jiro nodded back. His eyes were filled with determination, but not the determination from earlier, or from the past. This determination was filled with hopes for the future, that no matter what happens, they'll always get up stronger than ever.
"Mhm. And we'll tackle them together."
"Pleasure working with you, little bro."
Ichiro held out his hand to Jiro, to which Jiro happily shook back.
"Yeah! Same goes for you, Nii-chan!"
-
After they finished washing and drying the dishes, Ichiro and Jiro went to their separate rooms. As Jiro entered back into his room, he could feel the atmosphere change. Just a few hours ago, this room sunk in on him, constantly reminding him how his 'peaceful, happy time' with his family was shattered and never going back to that stage. But now, it felt like a safe haven for Jiro. A safe haven that reminded him that whatever mistake he makes, he'll always get up and be able to manage to get over them.
While walking to his bed, he almost tripped. That's when he realized he left his discarded headphones here. Right, the ones he threw away earlier. He picked it up and checked it; good, no damage here. He plopped on top of his bed and put the headset on again. Jiro lowered the volume and put on a song. The music tranquilised his ears, making the atmosphere in his room more comfy than it already was.
As he swayed to the music, his mind went back to that one question he always asked from earlier...
"Where do I go from here?"
Well, to be honest, Jiro doesn't know. He doesn't know where he'll go from this standpoint, or where he'll end up in the near future. But what he does know, is that you don't need to know where to go from here. It's okay to not know. Life will show you along the way as you flow through day by day. And even if he starts to doubt it, he'll be okay. He knows.
Because he won't have to deal with it alone.