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Donnie had someone.
Mikey also had that same someone.
Platonic soulmates was a concept that Raph was still digesting.
April had two someones.
That triangle had been going around for years.
Leo had someone now too.
Dale was an interesting new addition to the growing gang of partners.
Raph heard April say a few choice words about that, but the guy seemed nice so time would tell.
Dad had...
Raph did not want to think about that.
Who did Raph have?
He had his family.
He had reassurance that he wasn't going to be benched in his brotherly duties any time soon.
It was hard to deny he wasn't lonely.
Especially when the holidays came around.
All the couples cozied up and Raph was left alone.
They offered him blankets.
They offered him center spots.
They knew.
They all knew.
Raph wasn't ashamed.
Love was a fickle thing.
He was busy.
Hero work took a lot of time.
Being a Hamato took more.
It wasn't like he avoided love.
It had taken him a while, but he had asked out that waitress who had flirted with him.
They had a few nice dates.
Their interests just didn't align.
That happened.
That happened often.
Raph was alone, it struck him a few months later.
His life was full, but he was also alone in love.
He didn't feel lesser.
He thought he hadn't felt wanting.
The feeling had snuck in.
It now sat as something small in his chest.
Something that would grow.
What was there to do about that?
Did people still pick up others at bars?
Was that only for one night stands?
Did he try apps?
How was he supposed to choose who to swipe on with so little information?
There were those singles events.
He had seen them advertised around the city.
You did an activity and mingled.
Raph wasn't sure he was ready to skydive.
He had taken just about enough dives of his own volition.
What did that leave?
A bell rang.
Speed dating.
By all accounts, this should have been anyone else's idea, but, in fact, it had been Raph's.
Did Raph think he would be good at time constricted small talk?
No, he knew putting a clock on an activity stressed him out.
Did Raph think he was going to find someone amongst the mixed pool here tonight?
Not at all, he was mostly doing this to get his head right.
That might have been selfish, but he wanted to open himself up to the possibilities. He was trying his best, he swore. When faced with the myriad of possibilities, what he thought he needed most was to be caught up to speed in the world of dating. The name of the event alone said it would do just that.
What better way was there to break back into the world of dating than to break the ice with a dozen people?
He would pick up as much intel as he could, eat from the generous buffet table, and have jumped back into the dating world in only an hour’s time. It was the perfect remedy for his dating confusion and, by design, He had met three people already.
There had been a peppy mutant with a ponytail that seemed sweet.
A buff yokai that seemed just as ready to smash objects as him.
A fox mutant with the softest looking fur that was sharply contrasted by their cold wit.
They were all amazing in their own rights.
People he could get along with.
People he could see himself with.
People that he didn't seem to be with long.
Even in his imagination, they eventually left.
That seemed important.
Raph was missing what a redhead was telling him about their job.
Again, he saw another short lived relationship right in front of him.
They would get close and realize they wouldn’t work out.
After that, they naturally drifted apart.
It happened again and again no matter how he tried to picture a different scenario.
Maybe that was the point.
He was sullen as the bell went off for the next seat change.
He supposed it helped to know.
There was no harm in being alone.
No shame.
If that was his life, then he would absolutely make the most of it.
It also was a little bit of an old phrase he used to say.
A cowabummer.
"H-hi!" A timid voice came up from across from him.
"Hi, I'm Raph. I work as a vigilante hero. Nice to meet you." He started with the pre-recorded line before he got a real look at you.
You came into focus.
You had a nice smile.
Your eyes shuffled to take him in.
Your head tipped and the rest of your features cascaded from you as if nature had poured you into your being.
He felt himself bow to you as you made your introduction.
You then hesitated.
One single time and it was obvious that you were wringing your hands under the table.
"You okay?" Raph asked.
"I like your muscles!" You suddenly exclaimed.
"O-oh...!" Raph stumbled into a smile. "Thank you."
"N-no! I mean-! Of course! It’s just-! I want you to know it’s not just about your looks! I didn’t mean to-!" You were clearly embarrassed and pressed by the clock.
He knew that all too well and leaned forward to hopefully convey that he was happy to listen.
You seemed thankful with one watery eyeshot before you leaned in as well. "Um, well... It’s just that… I like wrestling."
He blinked.
"I'm… a really big fan. The tights! The fights! I like all the muscles, but I like more than that too. They put on these huge shows. They’re actors and performers, but they’re also doing so much physical work. Everything they do is because they love doing it. They have so much dedication and you said you were a vigilante and… look at you! You’ve got a mask and everything! That’s like rogue wrestling! How cool is that?!”
You held with stars in your eyes.
He watched them fall and he felt like he should make a wish. “I don’t know… The wrestling thing has been kinda a deal breaker for everyone else here tonight…"
"I get it." Raph gawked.
"R-right… That’s okay. That makes sense. It would be better if I stopped-"
"No! Not that it’s a deal breaker! Wrestling! I get it! I do! I really do! Like, my favorite wrestler is Ghostbear! I mean he was rightfully banned from the league, but since he got that lifted, he’s been trying to keep it on the level! His streak hasn't been the best without all the cheating, but he’s legit now! The love of the game and the shows he puts on! Wrestling is the best! People complain that it’s fake, but it takes so much work! Oh, oh! I got to go to Ghostbear’s wedding too!! It only sort of ended in disaster, but-!" Raph felt himself talking a little too much. "But, I'm bragging! You go, you go! You were saying?"
Your eyes were twin gemstones that sparkled.
Raph gaped.
"You love Ghostbear?! Ghost Pepper is my favorite! I can't believe they stayed married! I swear they fight in the ring as much as out!"
"Right!?" Raph almost bumped the table. "Not because of the wedding thing, but something else, Ghostbear actually has a restraining order on me!"
"No way! Is his signature on it!?"
"Yes! I got the original framed!" Raph gushed.
"That's so cool! What else do you-?!"
The bell rang.
You both stared at each other.
Raph didn't want you to go.
It might have been wishful thinking, but it seemed like you didn't either.
There were other dates to be had within the confines of the timer.
He was supposed to be gathering intelligence.
He was supposed to move on.
To his lonely future or with those temporary flings.
It was odd.
Looking at you right now, he didn't see either.
All he saw was right now and how he wanted to keep talking to you.
"Is this whole thing binding, ya think?" Raph's beak scrunched up around the question.
“What?” You looked ready for anything.
“We signed up to speed date… Do you think we… have to switch?” He leveled his hopes with you.
You understood immediately and flicked your wrists to dismiss the matter. "Absolutely not. We paid for this; we chose what to do with it. Besides, isn’t the point to meet someone?"
"Yeah, they were pretty clear about the no refund thing. If you think about it, we’d only be getting our money's worth if we ditched…" Raph’s chest bubbled with hope.
You giggled. "Wanna raid the snack table and maybe get some ice cream?"
"Who are you and where have you been all my life!?" He cheered.
The next two people watched on with pouting confusion as you and Raph broke from the many tables. You chatted as you hit the buffet. He was mesmerized by your ability to grab as many foods as you could carry. The host eyed you, but predictably said nothing as your conversation tumbled on. You exited and continued your discussion about wrestling at first, but the conversation quickly shifted.
You had your own collectibles and he had his precious stuffed animals. You didn't laugh when he brought them up and instead gushed when he showed you pictures. He raved about Teddy Bear Town and you let it be just that. One of the other speed dating participants had tried to flirtatiously invite themselves along the last time he mentioned a location. You were interested in his interests, but you also gave him space as you were newly getting to know each other. It set a relaxed tone and there was something settling about that.
After demolitioning your pilfered hauls, you decided on an ice cream place nearby. You both continued to chat as if you were long time friends catching up. Conversation flowed like water and you both separately mentioned how unusual that was. The oddity was about as strange as your love for peanut butter ice cream, which Raph swore off as poison.
You didn't tease him about how that meant there would be no parting kiss and instead told him about your interest in video games. While he had spent a good amount of time playing them in his youth, his interest had tapered off. These days he spent more time working out and, though the two activities seemed disparate, there was a level of understanding that you shared. The similarities and differences continued on and Raph enjoyed every minute, even if you did smell like his worst nightmare whenever you laughed a little too brightly.
You walked off your iced treats after that and shared stories of your families. It was a large topic of conversation for Raph and usually the most warding factor in Hamato relationships. You seemed to have quite the home life yourself and, though you couldn't quite go toe-to-toe with him, you had your own horror stories that made his scales crawl.
Before he knew it you were getting late night tortas that were a collapsing mess. It was date night taboo to eat something so disastrous in front of a prospect, but Raph hadn't felt a single iota of pressure when it came to hanging out with you. Instead, he devoured his giant sandwich, spilled half of it in his lap, ate that up with his hands, and then licked his fingers clean. Meanwhile, you were just as indelicate as you took one big bite and everything sprayed out the back half of your buns. You used a scoop and bite method, turning your torta into an edible plate that you shoved bits into your mouth.
In the end, you both needed to be hosed off and so began the search for a bathroom. Raph got to show off his ninja skills and he reached an elevation to look for one. It felt refreshing to earn the clap even when his intention hadn’t been to impress you. He felt like you were getting a glimpse of the real him and you cheered for each amazing maneuver he made.
He felt proud.
Even though he had often held the title of physically strongest amongst his brothers, there was something to being seen as well rounded in your eyes. You didn’t have anything to compare it to yet. When you met the others you would see his failings for what they were and that thought stopped Raph right in the middle of the street.
You urged him to move, but he was stuck watching you as you fussed.
Was that the problem all along?
He had been swept up in the euphoria of being present with you that he forgot about that ever present future. It was the one where he was inevitably left alone despite his best efforts. In a single thought, that joy was gone and his inadequacy rose. What kept happening in those dream scenarios?
As time went on these incredible people that took a chance on him learned the truth.
He was a simple man.
His family assured him that he hadn’t been left behind, but they were all moving forward.
With their lives.
With others.
While Raph…
Raph understood competition. As far back as the creation of the lair games, it was something him and his brothers did. Whether it was gamifying training to make it bearable or making playful bets, they spoke in the code of competition. Raph had always thought his perpetuation of the matter as second nature. He awarded stars for coming on missions back when he was leader. It always seemed like a prize was a measure of a job well done and competition drove one to be their best self.
At some point, he had dragged his feet.
Love wasn’t a competition, but he couldn’t help but notice how he was lacking.
He was alone and they were not.
He had subconsciously checked his odds.
He had never had the best poker face and thus he folded when he didn't have a chance.
How could he compare?
He didn’t have it in him to bluff.
Everyone was amazing in their own right and he didn’t match up.
His potential partners would come to realize his limits.
They would move on and move forward without him.
Just like his family.
He had taken longer to notice because you appeared to match him.
He disliked that even more.
You weren’t less than anyone else he had met that night.
You were incredible.
You held no expectation for where this would go and that had temporarily blinded him.
You were maneuvering not knowing together without even thinking about it.
You didn’t ask for more because you weren’t thinking about romantic potential.
The two of you talked because you wanted to.
There was no score board and it had been a relief.
You were both being yourselves and had clicked just like that.
Until he gave it thought.
Remembered the goal was to share his life with another person.
There was an inevitable measure of compatibility that would come for him regardless of what he wanted.
As soon as he tested the scales, he knew you would see him as less.
You touched his plastron and tried your best to mind your sticky fingers.
He hadn't seen ahead because he hadn't wanted to look.
You two had enough conversation that he didn't need to.
He put it off as long as he could because he liked you.
He took one deep breath before he decided.
You were still waiting when he looked.
“Tonight has been… so much fun…” He told you.
He watched the sentence hit you.
You saw it for what it was.
His dismissal. “Oh…”
He set you free from that inevitable future. “You’re incredible. It’s just-”
“‘It’s not you, it’s me?’” You asked softly without having looked away for a moment.
“Um, well…” He swallowed hard.
The dart of your pupils saw something.
He couldn’t be anything less than himself. “It… really is me…”
“What about you?”
The question startled him. “Sorry?”
“I don’t…” You broke your gaze and it traveled southward. “You don’t owe me a reason why. It just… seemed like you, we, were having fun until you weren’t and now you’re saying it is you and I can’t help but wonder… what that means…”
You were wrong because he did owe you.
At least that much.
“It means that I’m not good enough.”
Confusion struck your brow and pulled your gaze up along with it. “For what? Me?”
He nodded once.
“Says who?”
“I do…” He thought he had been clear.
“Are you… doing this for my sake?”
“Uh…” He thought he had. “When you get to know me-”
“I thought I was.”
It hurt.
Your tone stung.
Pained.
You were already hurting.
He hadn’t avoided the fall out.
How?
He had nipped this in the bud early.
He had caught it.
He was supposed to have saved you the trouble.
“Is there something you didn’t tell me?” You asked with a worn expression.
“No, I mean, yes?” He fumbled his words. “Raph’s a little confused.”
“You’re confused?” You looked up at him, exasperated. “Look, it’s okay if you don’t want to be with me. I know I’m not the most interesting or amazing person in the world and you’re a full blown superhero, but I hoped that, if nothing else, you felt like you could be honest with me…”
His chest rattled. “How could you say that?”
You wilted.
Trimmed too soon.
“You’re right.” You told him once, then yourself. “You’re right. I’m being rude. Thanks for hanging out with me. I had… fun…”
You moved to leave.
Return to the soil.
Turnover and take harbor until you sprouted again.
In an instant, Raph saw all the possibilities.
Of letting you go.
You managed on your own.
You met someone else.
You flourished amongst your friends and family.
You curled up, all alone.
Of grabbing your hand.
You smiled at him.
You and him were in the midst of a heated argument.
You held his wrinkled hand.
You hadn’t sat in your seat since you left.
A million more.
A thousand views where he either did or didn’t give you a chance.
The ones he wanted or didn’t want to see.
“It is me!”
He shouted, but didn’t move.
You looked back.
He was glad you did.
“I’m scared! I’m scared I won’t be enough! I’m scared you’ll get close enough to see that this is all I am. I’m a simple guy who likes simple things and that you’ll get bored one day! That maybe you’ll learn something new about yourself and you won’t want to come tell me because I won’t understand. That I’ll hold you back and you’ll outgrow me and I’ll still love you, but you won’t love me the same way…”
Your shoulders fell and your posture snapped straight.
Love?
What was he talking about?
Did he even feel that way yet?
He had no idea, but he knew one thing.
He hadn’t given it a chance to become that or anything else.
He closed himself off without trying.
You were in motion.
Turning towards him.
Stopping short.
Shooting up a scolding gaze.
Finally reaching, with both red-stained hands, to grab his cheeks and pull him down to your level while also whispering a plea that he not get pimples.
“You are not boring!”
He blinked.
"Who told you you were!?"
He didn’t know.
You weren’t going to be moved until you found out.
“I… I don’t think anyone… did…” He eked out.
“Then why do you think that?!”
You made him second guess everything. “My family…”
“Did they say something?!”
You were a ball of tightly wound concerns.
About him.
Despite only having known him a few hours.
You heard his vigilante status.
Acknowledged what kind of mutant he was.
Decided with all those odds, that you still had a chance of taking on his family to defend his honor.
Or.
You didn’t think like that.
You were never weighing yourself.
Not checking the odds.
You hadn’t for a single moment all night.
Not the weight of romance.
Not your value.
Not his.
Just that you wanted to be here, with him, and that you would go to bat for that alone.
He melted.
His expression.
His gaze.
Hope painted his cheeks.
You loosened your grip as you stared on.
“They never called me boring.” He swallowed hard. “Not once. They wouldn’t. I think I figured… I was because they were all so amazing and Raph was… still Raph.”
“So what?”
He made a little noise that you clearly felt.
“Ghostbear!”
His expression fell more, but you were undeterred.
“You said he’s your favorite.”
“Of… course…!”
“Are you a fair-weather fan?”
The mere question struck a nerve. “No way! Not even after I found out he was evil or when he tried to destroy me and my brothers.”
That clearly caused you to stumble, but you shook it off.
“It’s a long story.”
“I’m sure!” You tried to stifle a laugh. “But that just proves my point! There’s been a ton of wrestlers since he got close to 200 straight wins, but did you ever jump ship?”
“No…”
“Because he’s your favorite!”
“Right…”
“And he’s had his ups and downs, but you’ve been right there with him.”
“Obviously!”
“Because it doesn’t matter! You like Ghostbear and that’s what’s important.”
“Of course!.”
“And that goes for your brothers! I don’t know them, but I don’t need to! Maybe they have a cool finisher or their own signature move, but that doesn’t mean yours is any less! Plus, you said it yourself, they don’t think you’re boring so why do you?!”
He croaked.
You were flushed “How… could I…?”
His lips parted.
“I only have the last few hours to go off of, but I think… you’re amazing. You’re cool and funny and so-so-so very you . If I saw you in a cage match, I would pick you out as my favorite in an instant.”
He supported your arms in spite of the grease.
You clearly didn’t care. “I’d root for you the whole way. Always. No matter what happened.”
He puffed as the moment was too much. “Even if I had to get a restraining order?”
Your weepy aura broke as you laughed. “Okay, maybe I went too far with the wrestling metaphor.”
“I thought it was good.”
“There’s a big difference between being a fan and being in love.”
“I don’t know… Wrestling is Raph’s love language so…”
You smile brightly. “Mine too, but come on!”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah! There’s admiration versus deep emotional connection and so much more.”
That sounded like a field Raph had recently become more familiar with and he pulled you lightly to get you back to him.
You perked up at his attention. "What am I saying? Are you okay?"
"I am now.”
"I’m glad… I was worried. I had no idea how I was going to get you out of the street.”
“We’re still there.”
“I know!” You squawked. “After a certain point that was my fault! I kept you here. I’m glad there weren’t any cars, but…!”
He waited with a smile.
“Sorry…” You met his gaze. “Did you still want to call it a night?”
"Do you want to go out sometime?"
You blinked a few times.
It fluttered your lashes straight down the adorable slope of your features.
You rounded out confusion on your lips.
He made the first move. "I’m not ready to tap out. Not now and not soon. I want to put it in the books. Do something, anything, with you. More than this. More than running from speed dating. Take… a chance on, I don't know, going to an actual wrestling match? We could... get more giant sandwiches. We could do anything. Finally find that bathroom! I think... No... I want to... do something else... A million somethings... if it’s with you."
You nearly vibrated before you hugged him.
He held you tightly to his chest, unwilling to let go.
"I’m scared too, for the record! That’s just how this is! As we figure everything out! Relationships! It’s all about putting yourself out there and I was sure it felt like we were compatible, but you never know if you’re the only one thinking that and-!” You buried your face into his shoulder and just about screamed.
Raph smiled one grateful time to the sky above before he swallowed up the sound in a squeeze.
You didn't struggle against it and only settled.
The hug came to a natural conclusion and you both retreated with hopeful grins.
For now and for the future.
It was in that moment of airy clarity that something struck Raph. “Dangit, I already learned this lesson!”
“Huh?” You chuckled and followed him to the sidewalk.
“The guys spent forever explaining queer platonic relationships to me.” He griped.
You eyed him as you clearly weren’t sure where he was going.
“Relationships.” He told you openly.
You nodded and made a noise of interest.
“They’re whatever you make ‘em. Now that’s deep emotional connection.”
You thought it over. “I like that. I like the sound of that.”
He gave a toothy grin. “Me too.”