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“Hey, princess~” Mari cooed, wrapping her arms gently around Asuka. Normally, Asuka would curse Mari out, swatting her away like an annoying fly, but she didn’t today. “What do you want, four eyes?” “Mmm, I just wanted to check in on my lovely princess. I worry about you, you know.” Asuka nearly gagged at the thought. The ginger-haired girl hated Mari; she hated her guts, she hated her stupid attitude, she hated her obsession with her, but most of all, she hated that she pretended to care about her. Asuka got up from her chair, “Training is in half an hour, if you’re late again, I’ll kill you.”. Mari knew it was another empty threat, she smiled as she made her way to the cafeteria, watching the German girl make her way to the gym. Mari grabbed her breakfast, a block of who knows what, crammed with as many nutrients as it could hold, washing it down with water. It wasn’t good, but it got her through the days and was better than some people had. Asuka hated the physical affection Mari showed her; she hated her sweet singing, she hated how she followed her everywhere, she pushed her away time and time again, but the brunette kept coming back like a moth to a flame.
Asuka walked into the gym, she somehow always found herself here before Eva training, for some reason she still couldn’t shake the stupid feeling of Mari's arms around her, of her voice, her breath in her ear, her body pressed against her back. She tried to shake it off before going to the punching bag, her mind wandered as she threw each punch, she couldn’t shake the nightmare she had been having for the last week. They were a regular occurrence for her over the years since the near third impact, every night staying awake, alone with her thoughts until her body couldn’t take it anymore and she passed out. With every punch she threw, she could feel her knuckles hurt more and more, her body screaming in pain, not like she cared anymore. “Why do I always see your STUPID FACE?!” “You’re in my fucking nightmares, you’re in my every waking moment, why won’t you just FUCK OFF you four-eyed crony!”. Asuka thought she heard the sound of someone crying, followed by them running away from the gym, but she pushed it out of her mind. As Asuka threw the final punch, she could feel blood running down her hand. “Scheiße,” she cursed under her breath as she grabbed a bandage from her gym bag. She was so desensitized to it, her body screaming in pain, and the blood running down her hands. 4 years of hell will do that to you, I guess. She knew Mari would chew her out for hurting herself again, not like she cared what the brunette thought of her, though, right? She walked out of the gym, her shoes clanking on the metal flooring of the Wunder. She half hoped that she would hear the familiar sound of Mari walking behind her, but it never came.
Asuka walked into the changing room, expecting the brunette to curse her out for bloodying her knuckles and for overworking herself again, but there were no signs of Mari. As Asuka got ready to perform her weekly synch test, the other mock plug was already sealed, with Mari presumably inside. As she climbed inside she was tempted to try and call Mari; she wanted to be chewed out by her, she wanted to hear her stupid voice, she wanted Mari to be angry at her. She wanted Mari to look at her. She tapped the button, and a pop-up appeared: Do not Disturb. She cursed under her breath as she started her Synch test. This was all a formality for them, there were no other viable Eva candidates. As long as they physically could pilot them, they would have to, no matter what the Evangelion did to their bodies or their minds. Asuka’s mind wandered, somehow always coming back to Mari, her stupid face, her annoying nickname for her, and her carefree personality. Ritsuko snapped her out of it, her voice playing over the video call, the test was done, nothing abnormal. Asuka hurried out of the mock entry plug, hoping to catch Mari, racing to the changing room. As she opened the door, she saw Mari sitting on the bench, putting her shoes on. She refused to look at Asuka, she didn’t say anything to her, she didn’t touch her. “What the hell is up with you four eyes!?” Asuka said, frustrated and annoyed with the brunette. The hope in Mari’s voice was gone, “This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? For me to fuck off, to not have to see my stupid face anymore, for me to leave you alone, Asuka.” It was the first time in years Mari had used her proper name, not princess, not a stupid nickname for her; it was like someone had punched her in the gut. Asuka choked on her words as Mari got up, leaving the changing room. Asuka tried to grab her sleeve, but Mari shook her off, the sound of her shoes against the metal floor echoing until it faded. Asuka curled up on the locker room floor, tears forming in her eye, she felt like a part of her had withered up and died, and it was all her fault. She lost track of time, drifting in and out of memories. eventually, her plug suit started beeping at her, she got up and changed, grabbing her cat ear hat from her locker. Mari had given it to her as a present, something to cover the interface headset she always wore. She held it close to her chest, more tears running down her face from her eye.
Asuka shook herself off, not wanting anyone to see her in such a state. She ran to her and Mari's room. Misato insisted that they live together if they were going to be pilots. She hated it at first but had grown to like it, hearing Mari’s singing late at night, she didn’t dare tell Mari that it was the reason she could sleep at night. She shook herself out of the memory, looking around the room she saw no sign of the Brit. She checked the cafeteria, but nothing. Same with the gym, and the bridge. No luck, she trudged back to their room, if you could even call it that. Mari’s side was eerily quiet and empty, her shelves of books looking like they would explode at any second. As Asuka curled up in her bunk she felt cold, empty. Her blanket was warm usually, but tonight it felt like anything but that. She tried to sleep but Mari plagued her every thought, her cold expressionless face and words from the locker room playing in her head nonstop. Asuka got up, she didn’t know why she was doing this but she was, she crossed over to Mari’s side of the room, crawling into her bunk, wrapping herself in Mari’s bubblegum pink blanket. It smelled like her, it was warm, and it made her feel safe. She cried herself to sleep that night, hoping deep down that Mari would come back and catch her, scolding her for what she was doing, but she knew that it wasn’t going to happen.
Asuka got out of bed at 9 AM, she wanted so badly for Mari to be next to her but she was still nowhere to be found. Asuka did another check of the ship for Mari, desperately hoping to find her, to hear her singing somewhere. The Wunder was docked at Village-3 for a few days, dropping off supplies for the people there. Asuka swallowed her pride and walked up to Misato on the bridge, asking her if she knew where Mari went. “She got off the ship, she said not to tell you in specific where she went.” Asuka scoffed, resisting the urge to curse someone out as she ran to the exit. As she got off the ship the smell of the air hit her like a truck, how many years had it been since she had been here? 3? She had promised to not return until after everything was back to normal, but without Mari, there would never be a sense of normalcy aboard the Wunder again. As she walked around the settlement she found her mind wandering again, guilt setting in, how this was all her fault, how everything was her fault. She wandered for what felt like ages, occasionally looking up to see someone who looked like Mari, chasing after them only to realize it wasn’t her. She looked up to see herself at Toji’s place. She scolded herself for coming here again, for letting her autopilot take her back here, especially after what had happened with that idiot Shinji’s other friend. She took a deep breath before knocking on the door. Hikari opened it. “Asuka?” “Yeah, not here to chat…” “I’ll cut to the chase, I’m looking for someone, Mari Makinami.” “She’s loud and annoying, wears red glasses, brown pigtails, and she's British.” “Yeah, she’s here. She wandered in last night and passed out on the couch. Toji is already at the office, and I’ve got some errands to run, make yourself at home.” Class rep was somehow almost the same as she was when they were young, except she had properly aged, while Asuka and Mari looked the same as they did when they first entered the Evas. Asuka quickly thanked her before stepping inside.
Asuka frantically walked through the house, scanning every room for any sign of Mari before seeing her in the back room, sitting on the couch, a cup of what looked like coffee on the table in front of her. Asuka could feel Mari’s gaze from the other side of the room. The brunette looked like she hadn’t slept, her hair was messy, her eyes baggy, her makeup not done, and her clothes wrinkled. Her DSS choker reflected the sun poking through the window. The silence was deafening, Asuka tried to say something but choked on her words. “Why did you come looking for me, Asuka?” hearing her proper name again stung the German girl, she had become so used to Mari’s nicknames. Asuka swallowed her pride, swallowing her urge to make a snarky comment. “B-because I missed you! Because it hurts to not have you around! Because it hurts to not hear your stupid voice! Because I hate myself for what happened. Because it was my fault”. Asuka clenched her fists, she hated being vulnerable, she hated giving people ammo to use against her. Mari got up, walking over to her. Her face was so close to Asuka’s that she could feel every breath the brunette took, she could see every small movement she made, she could see the hurt she caused yesterday. Asuka made the first move. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for always pushing you away and making fun of you and calling you names and for being a fucking asshole all the time!” Asuka tried as hard as she could to hold back the tears as she turned away from Mari, every bone in her body telling her to turn and run, to avoid getting hurt again, to not repeat what happened with Kenouske 3 years ago. Mari cupped Asuka’s face with her hand, it felt so warm, something she hadn’t felt in years. “You don’t have to carry every burden by yourself, you know that right princess?” “Yes I do Mari, this is how it has to be. I’m on my own and that's how I live, I can’t risk getting hurt a third time.” Mari wrapped her arms around Asuka, pulling her into her warm embrace. “I’m here for you princess…” Asuka folded as she cried into Mari’s neck, letting out the tears she had been holding back for years. They stayed like that for a while, Asuka gripping the back of Mari’s sweater, never wanting to let go. Mari sniffed Asuka “You smell like LCL as always princess, you also smell like my blankets… like me…” “Shut up four eyes, that's none of your business…” “Mhmm whatever you say, princess.” They held each other for what felt like hours, until Asuka tugged on Mari’s arm. “What is it, princess?” “Can we go back to our room?” Mari could hear the anxiousness in her voice, she had suppressed it as best she could, but she was still scared being in the village after what had happened all those years ago, Mari was one of the only people that she confided in after it happened, and then Asuka put her walls up, scared of getting hurt again, but now maybe the brunette was starting to break through them, if only a little bit.
Asuka held Mari’s hand as they walked back to the Wunder, neither of them cared who stared, who saw them like this. Asuka could feel her heart beating out of her chest as they got closer to their room, she opened the door, and the familiar scent was somehow different than last night, maybe because Mari was here, in the flesh this time. Asuka felt like her body was going to fall apart at a moment’s notice, her knees threatening to buckle under her weight. Mari let go of her hand as she sat on her bunk, patting the space next to her, and inviting Asuka to sit next to her. Asuka hesitated, clenching her fists. She hated relying on others, she hated being vulnerable, but maybe with Mari, it wouldn’t be so bad. “Come on princess, I don’t bite…” Mari had shifted to laying down on the side close to the wall, Asuka gave in to her body’s pleas for rest and flopped down on the bed next to her, letting Mari embrace her, holding her tight. For the first time in years Asuka felt safe, she felt like she was home. “I love you, Asuka Shikinami Langley, all of you, every part of you…” The German girl felt her heart beating out of her chest, her face getting hot, and her mind only able to think of one thing. “I… I love you too, Mari Makinami.” Asuka felt her body giving up, she felt the consequences of working herself to the bone every day, and she could feel her eyelids getting heavier with each passing second. “Hey, Mari… could you sing that stupid song you always sing at night?” Asuka asked, barely awake. Mari smiled as she began to sing, she knew for years that it helped Asuka sleep, she sang it every night because of her, she didn’t even particularly like the song, but she did it for her Princess. Asuka drifted off to sleep, only able to think about Mari, her Mari, but this time she was happy, and she felt safe, like she could let her guard down for the first time in years.