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The hum of the engine echoed throughout the Wunder as Mari lay in bed; she wanted more than anything for Asuka, her princess, to come back. To feel her heartbeat, to feel her breathing, to feel her arms around her. It was almost time for curfew, for everything to shut down on the ship. She was worried about Asuka being out so late. She heard footsteps walking up to their room, then the ping of the ID card and the door’s lock releasing before Asuka stumbled in. Her hair was messy and sweaty, her knuckles bloodied, and her arms limp. Months before, she would’ve said nothing, collapsing onto her bed, crying herself to sleep, but things were different now, at least a little. Asuka managed to crack a smile before lying down next to Mari. “You didn’t get any sleep last night, did you, princess?” Asuka shook her head, trying not to meet Mari’s gaze. Mari wrapped her arms around the ginger-haired girl, holding her tight. The lights around and in their room automatically turned off. It was around 11 PM, and Asuka faintly sobbed into Mari’s chest. “Try not to push yourself so hard, princess. I worry about you…” Asuka gripped Mari's shirt, holding it tight. “I'm sorry for always making you worry about me…” Asuka said, trying to hold back her tears. Mari held her closer, “We’ll get you cleaned up tomorrow, okay, just try and get some sleep tonight. I love you, Asuka,” she whispered. Asuka couldn’t hold her tears back anymore as she let them out, managing to get out a quiet “I love you too…” before Mari’s humming lulled her to sleep.
Asuka woke up, Mari was gone. She felt her anxiety kick into overdrive, she felt every nerve in her body panic as she frantically looked around the room for Mari. Mari looked up and smiled from across the room, her nose buried in a book moments ago. “Morning, princess,” Mari said in a suspiciously better mood than normal. Asuka smiled, trying not to show her panic from seconds ago as she walked into the bathroom. Asuka went about her normal routine before coming to the mirror, she gripped the sides of the sink with her hands; she wanted more than anything to punch the mirror, to shatter it, not caring about what would happen to her. She just wanted never to have to look at herself again, she never wanted to see what she looked like, she was a monster, a cosmic mistake, and she couldn’t figure out why Mari put up with her for that matter. Tears silently rolled down her face as she debated punching the mirror. She looked up to see Mari behind her, wrapping her arms around Asuka’s waist, and resting her head on her shoulder. Mari pecked her princess on the cheek before getting bandages from the first aid kid, gently holding Asuka’s hand, washing the blood off, and applying them. Asuka hated relying on Mari, feeling weak, and feeling like she needed Mari. “Hey princess,” Mari’s voice pulled Asuka out of her thoughts. “Yeah?” “Can I fix your hair up, maybe trim it a little?” “If you fuck it up I’ll kill you, four eyes.” Mari giggled as she grabbed her supplies, taking Asuka’s pigtails out of her hair, gently running her fingers through Asuka’s ginger hair, and whispering compliments into Asuka’s ear. “Just like half an inch off, nothing crazy, four eyes…” Mari nodded as she started brushing Asuka’s hair. Asuka began to zone out, trying not to look at herself. Asuka closed her eyes, her thoughts drifting to Mari, the nights they spent together, the secrets they shared. They had been dating for almost a year now. Mari had done so much for her, and Asuka wanted nothing more than to make Mari happy. Everything stopped, the room was quiet, and only the engine hum pierced through the silence. As Asuka opened her eyes, all she saw was inky blackness, she could feel Mari’s hands covering her eyes. “You ready, princess?” “I swear to god, four eyes, if you did something stupid, I’ll never forgive you!” “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, princess…” As Mari removed her hands, Asuka’s eyes welled up with tears, gently touching her hair, for the first time in years, she was happy to look into the mirror. She turned around, hugging Mari, nuzzling into her neck. “T-thank you, Mari…” Asuka said, trying her hardest not to fully burst out crying, “Of course, Princess, I love you.” “I love you too Mari, so fucking much…”. “You’re not allowed to go to the gym until your hands get better, okay, princess? No more working yourself to the bone every day.” Asuka silently nodded, not wanting this moment to end, this fleeting happiness. Their happiness was cut short as Misato’s voice could be heard over the intercom, echoing through the whole ship “Mari Makinami to the main bridge immediately, Mari Makinami to the main bridge immediately.” Mari and Asuka both groaned as Mari reluctantly got up and headed for the main bridge, promising to come back as soon as she could. As Asuka walked out to their room, she glanced at the calendar, today’s date marked, cursing herself repeatedly as she realized what day it was.
Asuka could feel her heart shatter; she had forgotten, she had forgotten about the one day she had to remember. Today was Mari’s birthday, and she had nothing ready, no present, no surprise, she didn’t even wish her a happy birthday. Asuka wanted to curl up and disappear, to not have to look Mari in the eyes, she wanted to cry until she couldn’t anymore. Panic overwhelmed Asuka’s mind as she curled up on Mari’s bed, clutching the Brunette’s blanket like her life depended on it, dreading the moment their door opened. Mari was so nice to her, she cared about her, and she stood up for her, and now Asuka had thrown it all away, all the progress she had made in the last 4 years, gone. The door to their room opened, and as Mari walked in, she heard Asuka’s faint sobs. She sat on the bed next to the German girl and wiped away her tears. “What's wrong, princess?” “I forgot your birthday, I'm the worst fucking girlfriend ever!” Asuka said between her sobs, refusing to look Mari in the eyes. “Asuka?”
Hearing her name sent electricity through her body, her anxiety spiking again. “A birthday is just a day on the calendar, but if you care about it that much, I just have one wish…” Asuka’s tears had stopped at this point, she had rolled over, placing her head on Mari’s lap, her happy place. “W-well, spit it out already, four eyes.” “I just want you to be able to see yourself the way I see you. When I look at you, I see the prettiest girl in the world, someone who would do anything for those she loved, someone who I care about more than anything, someone who I’m proud of beyond words, someone who I love with every inch of my body. I just want you to be able to look at yourself and at least smile a little.”
“You know I can’t do that, four eyes…”
“Why not, princess?”
“Because I hate myself because I’m a monster, a cosmic mistake that shouldn’t be alive! Because I don’t deserve any of this! Because I’m a fucking freak because I-”
“ASUKA,” Mari yelled. Asuka shut her mouth. She had never heard Mari yell like that before; she could feel her heart beating out of her chest, she could hear every one of Mari’s exhales, and she could hear the very sound of Mari’s heart beating. “You’re not any of those things, you’re not! You’re not allowed to say those things about MY GIRLFRIEND, you’re not allowed to say those things, especially about yourself, and you’re sure as hell not allowed to say those things about MY ASUKA! You deserve to be happy, you deserve to love yourself, you deserve to be loved, no matter what we’ve been through, I fucking love you Asuka!”
The two sat in silence for a few minutes. Asuka tried her best to hold back her tears. Maybe around Mari, it wasn’t so bad to cry, to be vulnerable around the one you love. “I’m sorry for getting like this, for dumping everything on you, for ruining your birthday, Mari…” “You’re not ruining anything, princess, you’ve been through so much, and I'm always proud of you for being here, and as long as you’re here, I’m happy.” “Thank you for always being here, four eyes. For always taking care of me…” “Of course, princess, that's what I'm here for.” “I’ll try and do what you asked, and get you an actual present, maybe even something sweet if we’re lucky…” Mari laughed “As if we can ever get some good food on this damn ship” They both let out a giggle. Asuka sat up, gently removing Mari’s red glasses before grabbing her hand, holding it tight, her face close to Mari’s. “May I, birthday girl? Mari nodded, a light blush on her face, closing her eyes as Asuka stole the breath off of her lips, again, and again, and again. Neither of them could forget that night, and neither wanted it to ever end.