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It had been a long day of driving people around, Instacart, and trying to scrape every dime he could get together, so it was no surprise that Eddie went to bed early that night. He was sleeping much better now that Chris was living with him again.
Things weren’t perfect but they were talking and hanging out. They had some much-needed heart to heart about Kim, Shannon, and how Eddie was dealing with the trauma from the last 7 years. Chris said it best when he told Eddie, “Dad you seriously need to see a therapist.”
Eddie got a chuckle out of that but also took it to heart and started seeing a local VA therapist in El Paso. Turns out he had a lot of things to work through including his relationship with his parents, his found family at the 118 (god he missed them) and Buck. He wasn’t ready to really dig into that one yet. He needed to get himself together and make sure Chris and him were on solid footing before he even broached the complicated feelings he has for Buck.
It had been a good day. He hadn’t heard from Buck all day, but he knew he was on shift and how crazy those days can be, so he hadn’t thought much of it when he went to bed early. Suddenly he is awakened by the blaring sounds of his phone. His heart is beating out of his chest from being rocked out of a dead sleep. He shakes his head a little and takes some deep breaths to calm himself down and grabs his phone.
He rubs his hand across his face as he sits up and looks to see that Buck is calling him. It’s like 3 in the morning so something is not right. Eddie feels his heartrate pick up and crawl up into his throat. He knows this isn’t going to be a good call.
“Buck? What’s wrong?”
For a moment he just hears heavy breathing and what sounds like crying in the background.
“Buck! What is going on? Are you ok?” Eddie is panicking a little, not hearing Buck say anything.
After a moment, “Eddie” is choked out followed by hearing Buck sobbing into the phone.
“What happened? What is it?” Eddie is trying to keep himself calm but he can feel himself getting more worked up and getting louder as he asks the questions. He jumps out of bed and starts pacing. He can feel his adrenaline kicking in and he needs to be moving. His brain is already thinking about what he is going to do. He’ll need to call the airline to get a flight to L.A. for whatever is going on. He won’t have time to drive. He needs to talk to Chris and see if he is ok staying with his parents while he is gone. This all happens in a matter of seconds and then suddenly he hears it.
Just one word is said, and Eddie feels the ground open up and he no longer feels like he in on stable ground. The world is forever changed. “Bobby” is whispered across the line.
Eddie falls to his knees as that word bounces around in his head. He can’t even make sense of what he heard in that word. He hears his breathing start to pick up and his heart feels like a pulse burning in his throat.
“What…” Eddie has to take a breath and swallow around the dryness that has taken root in his mouth.
“What?” He tries to clear his throat again. “What happened?”
Buck starts to talk but it is broken up between sobs that Eddie only gets part of the story.
“Bio Facility…”
“Virus…”
“Chimney…”
“Only one dose”
Eddie hears Buck crying through the phone, but it sounds like he is in a tunnel far away. He looks up to the ceiling as a single tear slips free and rolls down the side of his face. There are no words Eddie can even form to say.
Bobby. The man that has been his father figure in every sense of the word since the day they met, and he interviewed to join the 118. The man who has helped him work through every terrible trauma and bad decision. The man who was his captain and leader and showed him every day the kind of man he wanted to be. The father who showed him what putting your family first means. Every memory, laugh, heart to heart talk, advice, and hug is running through his head.
You know how they say that your life flashes before your eyes when you die, what does it mean when the person who you consider your dad dies and your entire relationship flashes through your eyes because you never thought the last time you talked would be the last time.
Eddie can’t breathe. The tears are coming faster now, and he can’t breathe. He hears the roaring in his ears, and it is getting louder but he can’t stop gasping for breath. He thinks he hears Buck on the other side saying his name.
He shakes his head and feels it bubbling up through his stomach, up his chest and it is stuck in his throat as he fights to breathe when suddenly as his face gets redder and his body expels in a loud roar.
“NOOOOOOOOOO!”
Eddie continues to scream no over and over as he bends over at the waist on his knees on the floor until he feels a hand on his shoulder that startles him, and he sees Christopher trying to stand there with a look of fear and sadness. Eddie drops the phone to the carpet and grabs Chris around the waist needing to hug something that is solid and real.
He’ll never be able to hug Bobby again. How is he going to live in a world where Bobby doesn’t smile and gives him a pat on the back for a job well done. He feels Chris put his arm around him and bend over to pick up the phone. He can finally hear Buck screaming his name into the phone, but he can’t talk as the tears are pouring out of his eyes.
He looks up and sees Chris bring the phone to his ear.
“Buck? It’s Christopher. I heard Dad screaming. What is going on?” He wants to snatch the phone out of his hand, so Chris has one more second of peace and not knowing what happened. But he doesn't and he sees the expression on Chris’ face morph from shock into sadness. He sees his eyes filled with tears and they start to fall down his face.
“Not Bobby!” he hears Chris say and Chris falls into Eddie’s arms and they hug each other as they rock back and forth. The phone discarded on the floor again. They just stay in the moment in each other's arms crying over the man that meant so much to so many people.
Eventually, Eddie is able to pick the phone up and lift to his ear. His voice is raw, and he croaks out, “Buck”
“I’m here Eddie. I’m here.”
“What are we going to do?”
“Honestly Eddie, I don’t know. I can’t think. I can barely breathe right now. I… “Eddie hears Buck crying again.
“Are you with anyone right now? You shouldn’t be alone.”
“No. I’m sitting on the curb. Chim is in isolation and Maddie is trying to get to him. Hen had a collapsed lung from the explosion and was on her way to the hospital with Karen. I don’t know where Ravi is.”
“I’m coming. I’ll be there today. Tell me where you are, and I will come there. We will get through this together.”
Eddie hears the tears and finally Buck says “I didn’t even tell him I loved him back Eddie. He said he loved me, and I didn’t say it back.” Eddie can hear Buck’s sorrow, and he desperately wishes he and Chris were there to hug Buck.
“He knew. He always knew.” Eddie feels the sorrow in his chest getting bigger. Chris looks up at Eddie and says loud enough for Buck to hear.
“We are coming Buck. I want to say goodbye and we need to come home.” Eddie looks at Chris to make sure he heard him right. Chris nods his head in confirmation and Eddie gives him a small smile and nods back.
“I’ll text you as soon as we have plane reservations and when we will be there. We are coming Buck.”
Buck doesn’t say anything as he continues to hear the crying over the phone, but he knows Buck heard them. Eddie says goodbye and hangs up thinking of what to do next, but he first just needs to hug his son again. He needs to hug the people that mean the most to him. He needs to hug Buck.
In that moment, Eddie realizes that yesterday Bobby was alive and here and now today there is a world without Bobby Nash. He won’t be able to hug him or talk to him ever again.
This new day without Bobby is not as bright, and he knows nothing will ever be the same again.