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“I’ll make the popcorn and order some pizza,” Nick said, walking Sel and I into his living room. At the end of the couch is a collection of blankets and pillows. There’s an assortment of drinks on the table and a carafe of cucumber water. Sel pours three glasses of water and offers me one before sitting down on the couch. “Queue up the movie, but don’t start without me.” Nick heads to the kitchen. I grab a blanket, draping it over my shoulders like a cape, and get cozy next to Sel. His body tenses from the contact.
“What’s wrong, Sel? Am I too close?” I ask.
“What? No. I like when you’re close,” Sel said, leaning into me as proof. “It’s just…I have something to tell you. Didn’t know how to bring it up.” He looks uncomfortable. Vulnerability is not Sel’s strong suit, but I’m impressed that he’s making the attempt to tell me before I find out from someone else, like the time he mesmered me to disguise his appearance. I lean my head on his shoulder for reassurance.
“I’m listening.” I sip on my water to have something to do with my hands. I’m not exactly nervous about what he might tell me because I can't imagine anything that will shock me more than learning that Sel is heir of the Shadow King.
Sel takes a few deep breaths and then he tells me about the time right after I pulled Excalibur at the cave of the dragon. “I know you remember how you felt then,” Sel places his hand over mine, interlacing our fingers. I nod, encouraging him to continue. “It wasn’t a good time for me. I was angry. So angry, but also sad. Alone. And lonely.” Sel’s demeanor is stoic, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he hid how much he was hurting then, especially since his closest companion was missing. “I wasn’t sleeping. So I tried something that normally works. Shapeshifting. The effort of it drains me.”
“Oh, okay. That doesn’t sound bad,” I said. Sel takes a deep sigh. The bad part must be coming.
“One night, while I was shifted, I saw you in Nick’s room at the Lodge. Watched you for a while. It was late, but you weren’t sleeping either. Somehow you knew I was there,” he said. Sel pauses to look at me. His face is pinched.
“It’s probably because I can feel you when you look at me. Your magic is intense,” I said smiling, hoping to relieve a little of his shame. “I didn’t see you though.”
“You did. I was…you named me Owly.” Sel said.
“Owly?” I blink my eyes a few times thinking back. The image of a small owl with big yellow eyes and a call that sounded like a horse’s whinny surfaces in my mind. “Owly the Stallion? You…were…Owly? Oh my gawd?!? You were the cutest little thing! I wanted to gobble you up. I mean, not literally, but you were so adorable,” I said, bouncing on the couch with excitement at this discovery.
“You aren’t mad?” Sel asks, looking confused by my reaction.
“I probably should be. Stalker much?” I give him a playful shove. This earns me the standard Selwyn Kane frown. “But honestly, I was so lost during that time. I felt suffocated. I was miserable. Owly brought me so much joy and hope. And…he inspired me to take back my freedom. I escaped from Nick’s bedroom window a few days after that visit.” As if summoned by his name, Nick enters the room with a tray of popcorn, pretzels, and peanut M&M’s. He places them on the table in front of the couch, then grabs a pillow, and sits on the floor between us.
“Escape? I hope you don’t want to leave already B,” Nick said, hooking his arm under my leg. He tilts his head towards Sel. “What did you do?” Nick’s pauses between each word. I laugh and grab the popcorn bowl, throwing a few popped kernels at Sel. They land on his lap and he quickly flicks them off, hitting Nick in the back of his head.
“I told her the truth about Owly. Can we start the movie now?” Sel crosses his arms, annoyed, ready to block out any more teasing that Nick might throw his way.
“Look at you, being honest. Proud of you.” Nick said, squeezing Sel’s calf. If Sel was the type to beam, I imagine he would now. Instead, he blinks several times in succession. I pick up the tv remote and press play.
***
On the television, Bastian is inside a dusty bookstore, stealing a book the store owner advised him not to read. My cheek gets a familiar prickly sensation that slides down to my neck before dipping lower. I look over at Sel with a smirk, but he is looking at my thighs, the juncture where our legs touch. Feeling mischievous, I grab one of the extra pillows and place it on Sel’s lap. I make a show of fluffing it up to give him the opportunity to object, but he gives me a slight nod and I lay my head down. Sel places his hand on my waist. His black nails scratch up and then down the fabric of my t-shirt in a lazy pattern. Nick is crunching on popcorn, watching Bastian hide in the school attic. I lean close to his ear.
“Stop hogging all the popcorn, golden boy. Feed me some,” I said with a stage whisper. Nick turns to face me and places a piece on my tongue. By the third piece, I can tell that we have Sel’s full attention. A handful of popcorn later, I can feel Sel’s warm fingers on my skin. I give Nick a knowing look and then wink. We are call & response. He can tell I’m up to something, so he waits for my cue. I call up a tiny bit of my root and hear Sel take a deep, ragged breath.
“The Shadow Prince is hungry,” I said to Nick.
“I see.” Nick gets up from the floor and sits down next to us, popcorn bowl in hand. “Should I feed him?” Nick asks, inclining his head in a bow giving us the royal treatment. He looks at Sel, but he’s asking for my permission. There’s a glint in Nick’s eyes that appears and disappears just as quickly. He edges closer to Sel on the couch, close enough that Sel can probably feel his breath as he exhales. I feel the muscles in Sel’s legs flex.
“Should he, Bree?” Sel slides his eyes down to mine. The deep red of his eyes is so dark, it almost looks black. Perhaps it’s his shadows, the room seems to be darker than it was a minute ago. Is he…setting the mood? I prop myself up on my elbows, cradling my face in my hands so it’s easier for him to see me, easier for me to see them. The corner of his mouth ticks up before turning back to Nick. “Do you want—”
“Yes,” I said, my eagerness cutting Sel off before he can say more. “I want.” Sel opens his mouth, and Nick puts a piece of popcorn in his mouth. “Again.” The word escapes my mouth involuntarily, like a quiet incantation, worried that if I speak my desires too loudly, The Nothing might destroy the magic of this moment. Nick gives Sel another piece and another until the motion becomes ordinary and extraordinary at the same time. I reposition myself on the pillow so that I’m sitting on Sel but facing Nick. Nick reaches to pull my feet onto his lap. I open my mouth, and Nick feeds the both of us like baby birds. And then Sel bites Nick's finger. Not hard enough to break the skin, just hard enough to send us into heated chaos. I take Nick’s hand, bringing it close.
“Aww, the grumpy wizard gave you a boo-boo,” I said, massaging his palm and slowly kissing the tips of each of his fingers. Nick’s breath comes faster at the touch of my lips. Sel joins me, kissing the back of Nick’s hand and kissing me through the gaps in his fingers. I lower Nick’s hand and rest it on my chest, continuing to kiss Sel unencumbered. I know that Nick can feel my heart racing, it picks up even more when he traces his fingers down my torso, landing on top of Sel’s hand. Nick tightens their grip on my thigh. I moan into Sel’s mouth. Nick curses and nuzzles my ear.
“Is this okay?” He asks, his voice is thick. My stomach flip flops deliciously and in my head I’m chanting yes, yes, and heck yeah. Sel pulls back slightly and tips my chin towards Nick.
“Answer his question, cariad.” I drag my thumb across Nick’s lower lip. He knows the answer, but he waits for it.
“Mmhmm.” I lean in to kiss him once. “Yes.” He trails kisses down my neck and the stubble on his chin makes me shudder. Sel moves his hand under my shirt, dragging his fingers up until he grazes my necklace. Goosebumps spread across my skin. His fingers come back down to rest on the button of my jeans. He has a question, but he’s not ready to ask it.
Sel’s hesitation to go further gives me pause. Is it me? Is it Nick? I run my nails through Nick’s hair and gently tug it, raising his head to eye level. He gives an appreciative grunt, and I catalog the sound to obsess over later. I whisper in his ear, aware that Sel’s cambion hearing means that I’m asking for the both of us. He takes my hand in his and draws a heart in my palm with his thumb. Nick looks at me, smiles, and then turns his head to look at Sel. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Nick look shy before. When you’re good at almost everything, you’re down for whatever, but he’s never traveled down this path. The light in his eyes reads open, says show me. Nick moves closer to Sel.
“Nicholas,” Sel said, running his nails down the front of his t-shirt. Sel’s head is tilted up, inches away from Nick’s mouth.
“Yeah…” Nick’s voice is unsteady. His eyes flutter closed when Sel’s nails reach his abdomen. Sel presses his lips against Nick’s for three heartbeats and then pulls away, listening. The butterflies in my core harmonize, sending an electric rhythm down to my toes. Nick blinks his eyes open; he looks surprised by the brevity.
“The pizza guy. I hear his car in the driveway,” Sel said. A second later, the doorbell rings. I jump up, volunteering to get the door. The endorphins tickling my brain compel me to move. I disappear down the hallway before either of them can object.
When I come back with two pizzas and a liter of soda, Sel is sitting at the kitchen island. The quiet hangs in the air like dense fog except for the sounds of Nick shuffling through the cabinets to get plates, glasses, garlic powder, red pepper flakes. I sit the boxes down, squirt some sanitizer in my hand and take the seat next to Sel. I wasn’t sure what to say to break the awkward tension, but I wasn’t willing to let us sit and silently eat pizza together.
“So…,” I said. “Are we going to talk about it? I think we need to talk about it.” Nick said yes at the same time Sel said no. The quiet returned. I took a bite of mushroom pizza, wondering how it went from chili pepper hot to a lukewarm shower in a matter of minutes.
“We…should talk about it, but—” Sel started, leaving his sentence unfinished. When it was clear that he wasn’t going to add more, Nick spoke up.
“I think what Sel is trying to say, is that we need time to think about it. Before we talk.” Sel agreed with a grunt.
“Okay. I get that. But we can talk about other things. Maybe Camlann.” I said. I look at them both, turning my head left and then right, like a tennis match. Neither looks willing to talk about the war. Sel’s phone pings, it’s the group text notification sound. Sel rolls his eyes after reading it, but Nick thumbs out a text of his own. Several more chimes come through.
“I invited Will and Lark over. Alice is coming too. Mariah said she’d be a little late. It’s an official movie night.” Nick said, picking up another slice of pizza.
“That sounds like fun. What movie are they bringing?” I ask.
“I told them about the movie we were…watching and Will suggested having an 80s movie night. Lark said he’d rather watch something current with a little spice, so we have two options. The Labyrinth or Challengers.” I choke on the soda I’m drinking after hearing the titles. Sel takes the glass out of my hand and pats my back firmly. The coughing subsides after a while and I’m able to speak again.
“The Labyrinth is a safer choice.”