Chapter Text
The Fell household was always filled with music. Flute and viola duets were always filling the halls, and wealthy music students were always lined up against the wall outside Mr. and Mrs. Fell’s offices. From a very young age Azira Fell was destined to be a fantastic musician. His parents would travel often to perform before he began primary school, and he enjoyed the attention he would get backstage. As a toddler he started off with those little plastic xylophones, and when he was a little older he got a toy piano that would play songs for him. When he was just six years old his Christmas list was like any other kid– toys, puzzles, books– but instead he got a trumpet and all the accessories that came with it.
His after school routine changed from playgrounds to music lessons. He knew some of the kids that also did music at his school, but he wasn’t friends with any of them, choosing to be on his own instead. He of course had some idea of his parent’s expectations for him, but he also thought it was incredibly normal. He thought when any kid introduced their full name that adults would immediately recognize their parents. He thought all kids knew concert etiquette before knowing how to multiply. To be fair, every kid he met around him was either from his expensive private school or taking music lessons alongside him. They really were all just like him, at a surface level at least. That’s why the new kid intrigued him so much. None of the other boys seemed so casually unfriendly– so when this mysterious boy began taking lessons over the summer at a place where there’s never any unexpected students, Azira wondered why no one else seemed to take notice. In fact, everyone seemed to avert their gaze and avoid him. Azira vowed to himself at that moment that they would become friends.
Over that summer, like his previous summers, Azira didn’t hang out with any other kids. He instead spent his time practicing audition music for his second year at the children’s symphony or reading. On occasion, he would play puzzle games with a nanny or do word searches. He was never a very social kid, and he liked it that way. That’s why when he saw the strange new boy around the music school he didn’t introduce himself. He just looked, wondering lots of little things about him. He noticed he always got picked up after Azira, so he didn’t know if he rode a bus, or a car, or walked. His case was discreet enough that he couldn’t quite pinpoint what instrument he played. He always wore very casual clothes– which was very different from Azira’s own polos and khakis.
One day, Azira finished his lesson early and was waiting outside at the same time as the other boy. “We don’t get a lot of new students here, did you just move here?” He didn’t plan to talk to him, but the words tumbled out of his mouth nonetheless. The boy didn’t respond. “I’m Azira.” Azira looked up, expectedly. “What’s your–” he began to ask before rain started pouring down. The other boy pulled out a black umbrella, which matched his clothes. He held the umbrella over the two of them, scooting closer to Azira to make sure they’d both fit.
“It’s Anthony. If you want you can use AJ though, it’s less of a mouthful.” Before he could respond, Azira’s chauffeur pulled up. He got in and waved shyly at AJ through the window. Azira never understood crushes, and he wouldn’t for a long time, but many years later he’d look back and realize that was his first one.
-
After the summer ended, Azira walked into his first day of year three unexcited. He enjoyed reading, but he wasn’t a big fan of all the other kids. One in particular, a year four named Gabriel, was the worst. He was from America and came to the school the year before. He began taking trumpet lessons with the same teacher as Azira when he moved, and all the teachers at school loved him. His favorite hobby seemed to be picking on Azira, so long story short, Azira didn’t have high expectations. However, ten minutes after class had begun, a familiar face walked into class.
“Anthony Crowley, is it? Do you have a note for being late?” The teacher was clearly displeased as AJ shook his head and sheepishly walked to the last empty seat. As Azira recognized him, he suddenly regretted being the only student not to save a seat next to them for a friend. He spent his classes that day focused for the most part, but he would steal little peeks over to AJ by the window. He didn’t seem very engaged, looking out the window or doodling on his paper most of the time. They did some icebreakers where they would all say their name and favorite color or animal, but AJ wasn’t impressed.
During reading time, AJ seemed especially apathetic, and Azira took special note. He loved reading, and was at the top of his class. He thought helping him with a book or a hard word could be the key to friendship. Azira was usually the most focused kid in his class for quiet reading time, but today he found himself trying to decide how to approach AJ.
Once they were dismissed outside to eat, Azira began looking for him. He found AJ sitting by himself under a tree. “Hi.” He plopped himself down next to him and got out his sandwich. “I’m Azira, we met a while ago after lessons.”
“I remember you. I think you’re the first kid to properly talk to me since I moved here,” AJ went to run his fingers through his hair. Azira felt his cheeks warm up a bit.
“So what do you play?” AJ looked over at him, confused. “I play trumpet. I got it last Christmas, but my parents play flute and viola. I like the trumpet more than flute or viola, though. There’s only the three buttons and no strings,” Azira didn’t realize he was rambling, but AJ didn’t seem to mind. “You know, I didn’t want a trumpet at first. I wanted a french horn. My parents said it was too hard though. They say once I start secondary I can get one. I want to be in a symphony, there’s auditions coming up for a children’s symphony, you should audition too. We could do it together.” AJ smiled, and Azira realized he had yet to see him smile.
“I play violin. I’ll ask my dad about auditioning, maybe I’ll see you there.” AJ sounded genuine, making Azira smile back. The two ate their lunch together that day and chatted about music and classes and whatever silly little things kids go on and on about. Azira learned AJ had been playing Violin since he was just three, and that he moved here because his older sibling, Bee, was starting secondary school. AJ’s dad wanted the pair at a better school that had music classes since Bee was getting serious about playing trombone.
“I can’t wait until we can take music classes. I’ve met the teacher, she’s strict but if you’re good she can be nice. She’s friends with my parents so she likes me already.” AJ got little debriefs like this on all the teachers, which ones were friendly and which ones cruel. He also learned which bathrooms were always empty and how to sneak out of gym class. Azira wasn’t hopeful for the school year at the beginning of the day, but once lunch was over and the two were called outside his feelings had changed.
At the end of the day AJ began walking to the bus stop. “Aren’t you going to lessons today?” Azira knew a few people who went to the same program, but they all got rides from chauffeurs or nannies.
“I’m walking there,” AJ responded without hesitation.
“You’ll be late if you do that. You could ride with me, instead.” AJ considered it for a moment, clearly wanting to, but being held back.
“Bee has to come with me, though.” Azira was usually a very calculated person, never one to make rash decisions.
“They can come too.” AJ smiled and nodded and ran off to grab Bee. Azira didn’t know what he expected them to look like, but this definitely wasn’t at the top of his list. Bee had short choppy hair that was dyed black, with messy eyeliner and combat boots. Azira smiled warmly, and Bee dropped AJ’s guiding hand and crossed their arms.
“You’re not setting Anthony up, are you?” Azira shook his head quickly.
“Bee, I told you, we’re friends.” AJ was nearly as tall as them, but you could still tell they were in charge. The group got into the back of Azira’s minivan and they headed off. Azira had never met anyone like Bee, but they warmed up and turned out not to be as tough as they seemed. A perk to having them around was that they didn’t stand for any of Gabriel’s teasing, and Gabriel didn’t feel like picking fights with older students, so he would usually end up avoiding AJ and Azira by association. In the following months it became a routine that the two siblings rode with Azira. Eventually, they stopped asking, and just got in.
Music lessons were going smoothly, and as classes picked up into the winter months Azira would help AJ with his reading and AJ would help Azira with his math. The two became inseparable, and at some point “Azira” turned into “angel” for AJ. Early in the new year the two auditioned for the children’s symphony– along with Gabriel who got first trumpet– and their ride afterschool went from lessons to symphony. Even if they didn’t interact much at rehearsals, they still could enjoy each other’s presence. They would sneak glances at each other when Gabriel would be obnoxious or when one of them messed up. After a while, Bee joined a jazz ensemble at school and stopped riding with them most days. In fact, Bee seemed to grow up a lot faster than Azira and AJ, and now that AJ had someone else to hang out with, they started hanging out with the other kids in secondary school.
-
There were just a couple weeks before the children’s symphony’s big performance. Rehearsals had moved to the big concert hall downtown, where they had gotten a tour where the kids even met some professional musicians. With the pressure building, and Bee nowhere to be seen, Gabriel began to badger Azira for any little reason. He could be a bit pitchy, too soft, or just be in the wrong place at the wrong time and Gabriel wouldn’t let it pass.
“There’s a reason you’re second chair, you know. If it was my choice, you’d be third– at best,” Gabriel sneered as they packed their cases. Azira tried to ignore him. “It’s just because you’re a Fell. You can’t ride on your parents’ success forever.” Azira couldn’t help but get angry anytime Gabriel singled him out, but this time was personal. He knew how much effort Azira put into practicing, and Azira knew he deserved second chair, even though his age would usually mean he was put lower. Azira’s cheeks flushed red and anger bubbled up in his throat. Even if he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t get any words out. “Guys look! Azira’s gonna cry!” Two other first trumpets, Michael and Uriel, snickered.
“Quit it, Gabriel.” AJ appeared behind Azira, case in tote. “C’mon, angel, Bee’s waiting outside to pick us up,” Azira locked his case and AJ gave him a hand to help him up. They walked out of the hall, and at the door AJ turned around and stuck his tongue out at Gabriel.
They walked in silence for most of the walk to Azira’s car, as they usually did after an encounter with Gabriel. “Bee never picks us up.” Azira thought for a moment. “Did you just say that to get him off my back?” AJ nodded and they fell quiet again. Once they were at the car they loaded in and chatted about school until they were outside AJ’s house to drop him off. “Thank you, for the stuff with Gabriel, I mean.”
“Of course.”
-
Summer rolled around and lessons picked back up again, full swing. Azira and AJ stopped riding together, since they didn’t need to, but occasionally they would walk to the playground near the music school and play together. Eventually Bee would come around to walk AJ home and Azira’s chauffeur would drive by to pick him up. Eventually they switched from the playground to Azira’s house. On especially warm days they would go into his backyard and swim in the pool. When AJ was busy, Azira would read books.
“I don’t get how you can basically do schoolwork for fun,” AJ said one day from the pool while Azira lounged in a chair with a book.
“It’s not schoolwork if it’s not assigned, and plus— reading is fantastic. Whole worlds to imagine, totally unlike our own.”
“You always get that weird dreamy look in your eyes when you talk about books, angel. I’d much rather swim, the water’s great.” AJ swam up to the edge of the pool and put his hands on the trim, looking up at Azira. He cleared his throat before repeating himself, “the water’s great!” Azira sighed dramatically, a smile giving away his feelings, before setting down his book and jumping into the pool.
Near the end of the break, Azira turned eight, and he had a cake at a small celebration with his family, AJ, and Bee. Summer wrapped up shortly after and it was once again time for school. Azira and AJ were disappointed when they didn’t have the same teacher, but they made up for the lost time in lunches and drives together. In the Winter they got into the symphony again and rehearsals picked up. Azira was becoming a veteran of sorts at this point, but he still didn’t try to get first trumpet, in hopes of avoiding Gabriel. School continued like usual, and in March, AJ had his own birthday party. Azira got him a sudoku book.
“Now you’ve got a ‘fun’ book of your own,” Azira justified. At the time, AJ thought it was a funny gift, one that he would cherish– sure– but one that he wouldn’t get much use out of. The next summer, while Azira would read his novels, AJ was more often than not diligently working on his sudoku book.
Year four wrapped up and the summer after was just as enjoyable as the last, if not more. AJ cut his hair again, like he always did in preparation for the warm summer months before school. They had more playground hangouts, more days in the pool, and many shared conversations. By year five they knew exactly what to expect, and year six was the best thus far. Gabriel was in the advanced symphony, so their last year in the children’s symphony was peaceful. They had class together, and their teacher made it a joy to be in. They prepared for their final tests together, both knowing they’d do well. Their final performance with the children’s symphony was bittersweet, the flowers they got afterwards being bouquets as opposed to single roses.
The summer before they began secondary school was an exciting one. On their third day on break AJ and Azira were sitting by the pool– Azira reading and AJ doing sudoku– when AJ broke their comfortable silence. “Angel?” AJ put his sunglasses on top of his head as they turned to face each other. “Do you think much about the future?” The silence in that moment shifted from calm to palpable. Azira paused for what seemed like a century.
“I suppose. I know what I wanna do when I grow up.”
“But what if it changes?” Azira shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“I don’t think it will. I’ve always wanted to play for the symphony.”
“Yeah,” AJ waited to see if Azira had more to say. “When you get big and famous will you save a seat in the audience for me?” Azira smiled.
“Of course. If we’re not performing together there’ll always be a seat for you, wherever I go.” AJ smiled back before running over to the pool. Azira ran after him, and they splashed around in the water like they always had.
After drying off they sat in Azira’s room and worked on a puzzle they would probably never finish. “I’m gonna start playing the french horn this summer,” Azira remarked. “Next week my parents and I are going to the music store to get one, I’m going to audition for the advanced symphony with it.”
“That’s amazing! I’m hoping to get a new violin this Christmas, finally upgrade from my three-fourths to a full-size.” They chatted until it was nearly time for AJ to go home. Azira didn’t see AJ again that summer. It wasn’t until about a month in that he got a letter explaining he’d gone to stay with his grandmother, and that he wouldn’t be back until school started. Azira celebrated his eleventh birthday alone, patiently waiting for the summer to be over.
Azira’s morning routine for his first day of year seven was composed and smooth-sailing. He set out his clothes the night before, so he could grab them as soon as he got up. Breakfast was already prepared and waiting for him on the table. His backpack, full of supplies, was put together and set by the door– along with his shiny new french horn. He had been diligently practicing french horn all summer in preparation for concert band.
It had only been a summer’s difference, but everyone seemed to have changed vastly since the end of primary school. The girls wore gloss on their lips, subtle enough not to get caught by the strict teachers. The boys all had a new air of confidence, and quite a few had growth spurts since the last year. There were also a few new students, ones like Bee whose parents brought them to town just for the school, but none intriguing enough for Azira to want to talk to.
He sat through his first two classes compliantly, waiting for his elective period so he could get his placement audition over with. When the time finally came he sat in line up against the wall, grouped with the other high brass. He listened to the auditions before him, noting each mistake that he would focus not to make. Once he was in the room he played just as he had been practicing– he went through his scales, his prepared piece, and his sight reading nearly flawlessly. He walked out of the audition room confident. He was so nervous building up to the moment, however, that he hadn’t realized he hadn’t seen AJ all morning. Once the stress was off of him, he began to worry.
Azira and AJ were inseparable all through primary school, but now it seemed as though AJ had disappeared and no one cared. Azira asked all the homeroom teachers, but not a single one had an Anthony Crowley in their class. It seemed like he had moved again, with no explanation. Azira tried to accept the fact, but it continued to weigh on his mind. In fact, it weighed on his mind for years.