Work Text:
From the records of Max Kanté
Dear Ladybug,
As requested, please find below a breakdown of strategies to confront a Miraculous wielder who is akumatised while transformed, prepared by myself in conjunction with the robot Markov. This is a preliminary report and requires some editorial attention following your feedback. Please do not disseminate to other Miraculous wielders before said feedback and editing.
Please note:
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All simulations, plans and statistics quoted disregard any possible action taken by Bunnyx.
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In all scenarios, immediate action should be taken to discover what the akumatised wielder wants and provide it if reasonable. We should avoid inter-team conflict if at all possible.
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In all scenarios other than Operation Wild Boar, Pigella should make immediate attempt to placate the akumatised wielder, before we resort to physical combat.
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1: Operation Swallowtail
Data from the ‘Collector’ incident demonstrates that a self-akumatised Butterfly user must detransform before akumatisation is completed. Therefore remaining wielders will battle Swallowtail at normal human limits plus akuma power and not at superhero limits plus akuma power. Simulations suggest success in 95% of scenarios: in the remaining scenarios, Swallowtail is a military commander or similar in regular life and has access to allies and advanced weaponry. We should ensure the Butterfly is never possessed by someone with such access.
(Markov: I do not understand why this simulation was necessary to run, given that we have spent the last few years running it . Human completionism, I suppose.)
2: Operation Wild Boar
While direct conflict against an akumatised Pig is winnable in 74% of scenarios, we estimate that in the remaining 26% of scenarios, other wielders will become too happy to confront Wild Boar. (MK: suggest ‘love-off’ between unakumatised Peacock and Pig in controlled conditions.) In the case of wielders’ surrender due to excess happiness, remaining heroes can still succeed if one of the wielders (Purple Tigress?) removes the akumatised item joyfully, though Wild Boar may accidentally make herself so happy that she deakumatises herself. In the case of our failure, we predict an 89% chance that the Butterfly wielder will become too happy to notice his or her success.
3: Operation Beast Of Gévaudan
Fetch’s ability to remove wielders’ weapons and items means that this battle should take place hand-to-hand. Purple Tigress should be our first choice attacker, along with experienced unarmed out-of-suit fighters such as Argos and Viperion, and we should make extensive use of Shellter to protect wielders whose weapons are necessary to their fighting style. Ladybug must remain out of sightline of the Beast of Gévaudan at all times to protect her yo-yo. Simulations suggest our chances of success are 71%.
4: Operation Chimpanzee
(Markov: chimpanzees are not monkeys.)
(MK: True, but they are the most dangerous primate.)
Due to Uproar, this will be a purely physical battle. Simulations show success in 68.6% of scenarios. We suggest further combat training for all wielders who have not already organised their own (MK: we should institute this anyway. I am well aware that I am one of the worst offenders) and prepare four-person parties to rotate attacks upon Chimpanzee until the akumatised object is removed. Data from multiple species (e.g. orca: see attached document) suggests that a four-attacker team is optimum in its ability to strike an enemy while avoiding attacks by friendlies.
5: Operation Cape Buffalo
Due to Resistance, this will be a purely physical battle: in particular, Resistance cannot be disrupted by Uproar or Cataclysm. Tactics and success chances against Cape Buffalo are therefore similar or identical to those used on Chimpanzee: see Section 4.
6: Operation Sciron
It is not possible for a Turtle to harm anyone outside a Shellter when he is on the inside. Therefore wielders other than Purple Tigress, Pegasus and Chat Noir should instigate combat and force Sciron into Shellter, allowing Pegasus to teleport the Tiger and Cat inside to destroy the ground beneath Sciron and trap him, allowing the akumatised object to be removed. Simulations show success in 59.2% of scenarios.
7: Operation Tarantula Hawk Wasp
King Monkey and Minotaurox should form our first line of attack due to their resistance to Venom. Unfortunately, Tarantula Hawk Wasp knows this and will attempt to evade them. A prolonged running battle is expected to ensue, therefore wielders should force Tarantula Hawk Wasp into close quarters such as the catacombs or sewers, with the assistance of Shellter. Do not hesitate to hide behind envenomed teammates. A close-quarters battle raises our chances of success from 35.6% to 55.4%.
8: Operation Glaurung
A Dragon has significant movement advantage in the open air. As a result, remaining wielders should lure Glaurung into the catacombs, the sewers or another close-quarters location (see section 7), where her ability to flee and re-form will be minimised. Directly forcing her anywhere is unlikely to be possible. If Miss Hound removes Glaurung’s weaponry early in the battle, remaining wielders succeed in 43% of scenarios: otherwise success percentages drop to 11.3%.
9: Operation Lord Shen
The current Peacock will not create sentimonsters (MK: Argos really doesn’t like this term. Replace with ‘sentibeing’ or ‘senticreature’?) without a good sense of where they will fit into the local ecosystem. Pegasus, assisted by one other wielder, should therefore teleport Lord Shen to an unfamiliar location at the earliest possible opportunity, followed by the remaining wielders.
Please refer to the suggestion in section 2: Operation Wild Boar that we should test the Peacock’s emotion-controlling ability against the Pig’s under controlled conditions. If the Pig is able to counteract any negative emotions that Lord Shen attempts to impose upon us, simulations show success in 45.4% of scenarios. Otherwise simulations show success in only 9.8% of scenarios.
10: Operation Nutcracker
The primary risk of an akumatised Mouse is her ability to assassinate every remaining wielder simultaneously before we receive notification of her akumatisation. To that end, the Mouse King (MK: Queen?) should be kept from discovering as many other wielders’ identities as possible. We also recommend all heroes place mouse traps baited with miniaturised copies of environmentalist publications. In the event that this scenario proceeds to direct conflict, we suggest deliberate and immediate destruction of clones to force recombination at full size. Combat against a single Mouse King Queen Monarch is winnable in 94.6% of scenarios, as opposed to 7.5% of scenarios against a dozen, a hundred or a thousand mice.
11: Operation Champawat
Remaining wielders’ overall chance of success is 9.9%. Success in this scenario requires on-site cooperation between Pegasus, Ladybug and at least one other wielder, in order to remove the akumatised object or Champawat’s Miraculous. All wielders approaching Champawat directly will be vaporised, along with all buildings, trees, humans etc. within a 10km radius.
12: Operation Miss Tod
We should assume that Miss Tod will create illusions of remaining wielders in compromising or hostile situations. Our immediate first action should be to reassure romantic partners among the wielding team that none of them are cheating on anybody else, nobody has assassinated anyone’s loved one, etc.
In the event that Miss Tod creates illusions of herself, the Peacock will remain able to distinguish between illusionary Miss Tods and the real one, as the Fox cannot create illusory emotions. We should therefore make every effort to protect Argos and King Monkey (who can dispel even solid illusions upon touch). Death or neutralisation of both King Monkey and Argos drops remaining wielders’ chance of success to 8.3%. With either in the battle, remaining wielders succeed in 15.8% of scenarios, and with both, we succeed in 45% of scenarios.
13: Operation Darkseid
(MK: I refuse to refer to this scenario as Operation Evil Chicken.)
Remaining wielders should expect Darkseid to wield superpowers consecutively and as per the challenge faced. Caprikid should advise Ladybug on how best to proceed with disguising the challenge we pose Darkseid. Simulations were run based upon all published volumes of the current Rooster’s comic: they suggest our chance of success at 5.8%. A creative author’s imagination being limitless, unlike that of this report’s authors, our results should be treated with caution.
14: Operation Nightmare Moon
Winnable in 9.8% of scenarios with cooperation from superhero groups worldwide. Winnable in 1.7% of scenarios without either aforesaid cooperation or discovery of another method of teleportation. We recommend precautionary alliance with heroes in at least half of the world’s countries and all major cities, to reduce Nightmare Moon’s potential range of movement.
(MK: please investigate possibility of retrieving an alternate-timestream Bunnyx who has not watched My Little Pony. I cannot take any more equine puns. )
15: Operation Baphomet
Remaining wielders should expect to battle dangerous creatures at sentimonster sentibeing level of intelligence, including copies of other wielders, upon a battlefield adjusted to add environmental hazards. Rooster Bold should advise Ladybug on which sentibeings are most likely to be encountered, scenarios Baphomet might use etc. based upon recent unpublished galleys as well as published volumes. In 98.1% of scenarios the remaining wielders fail, but as per scenario 13, our simulations are likely to be insufficiently adventurous.
16: Operation King Cobra
In 99.5% of scenarios the remaining wielders lose this battle within five minutes. In the remaining 0.5% of scenarios, King Cobra surrenders out of boredom after several thousand years inside time loops, which, from the perspective of remaining wielders, will again last for five minutes.
17: Operation Nü Wa
All simulations show that this is an unavoidable extinction event, although with a high, though incalculable, probability that some form of life will reemerge on Earth in the aftermath.
18: Operation Chat Blanc
All simulations show that this is an unavoidable extinction event. Further research with the kwami Plagg is necessary to ascertain whether said extinction will be confined to Earth or would affect other forms of life elsewhere in the Orion Arm. Our observations suggest this research will be aided by the application of a wheel of Pont l’Eveque.
19: Operation Holy Grail Bunny
All simulations result in a divide-by-zero error at the point of akumatisation. This leads us to conclude that this is an unavoidable Big Crunch-type event. Keep Bunnyx happy at all cost.