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There is an absolute way to admire you from where I am standing, since you look so beautiful under the light that shines through from various places above. The perfect silhouette of your smaller fit, or how you laugh beneath your mask that invites me to smile; so big it hurts. The way you blend perfectly in the middle of the crowd, or your habit of hiding behind me whenever you feel unwell.
And if the smile you brightly show was not meant for me, then maybe it will, later, mean for me. And if the laughter you let out so cheerfully was not because of me, then maybe it will, later, happen because of me.
Or maybe, it was, indeed, for me. A previous scenario of the was itself.
For the longest time I am standing here, in the middle of the crowds, I will watch you clearly like how the weather of a sunny day; or on the day of your favorite spring day where the Sakura blooms brightly. Bringing smile on your face, excitedly pulling my hands so we can watch how the first petals fall slowly then you catch it with your smaller hands. Saying if only this happens everyday, this is the exact picture of Heaven in my mind.
If I could, I would give you all of the sceneries you love so much. I would give you the pictures of Heaven inside your head, I would give you all the lifes you deserve to have.
And if you need someone to company and you want to lean back, I will catch you in a perfect timing. To hold you close before you fell down, I would not let you cry nor to ruin anything in your life. Who am I to dare? What audacity do I have to say?
In case anything happens in the next of life, in case anything happens a second from now and you are on the edge of breaking down and cry, just do what you are so good at doing. Hide. Hide from the world behind me, hide from all of the bad things, all of the anxiousness that creeps you alive. Hide from the world behind me, with me.
Please don’t cry if it is because of me, all I ask is for you to be happy.
Han Wangho cried. For the first time in front of the audience, he did not even cry when the vow was said. Not even shed a tears when everyone were clapping their hands in joy, "How could I not cry because of you?" he whispered, still holding in too tightly.
For the longest time he could remember, the one beside him was only one particular person which he adores. Which he kept on his side for so long he could not even remember. Lee Sanghyeok was his Summer, his Spring, his Winter, his Autumn. The owner of the hands he pulled excitedly everytime they announced the Sakura season is here, the boarder figure to hide from the worlds.
The prayer he always listened early in the morning, the prayers he always listed in the darkest part of the night. The laughter rings inside his mind, his own laughter; but Wangho could perfectly picture the way Sanghyeok smiled so brightly listening to it, "You don't even know why I was laughing."
"You really should laugh more, Wangho." the usual answer, "If you could only see the way I see it." Han Wangho sneered as the answer, hiding away his bright red ears by trying to divert the focus.
Sanghyeok always looked extra great in his tux, and everything seemed to fit well in his lean figure. Han Wangho could only stare in an awe, denying how the guy in front of him looked absolutely gorgeous. Could not be too obvious when every cameras were pointing at everyone in the venue, could not be too obvious on how proud he was when Lee Sanghyeok got called for being the best player of the year, yet again.
If I must confess, if I am allowed to; please, let me have him by my side.
Congratulations for your marriage, Han Wangho. While the leaves withered away and grew again, but I'll pray for you all the time. If I could be by your side. I'll give you all my life, my seasons.
By the seasons, I hope you are now able to find your joy in every moment passing by. In every Sakura petals, in every first snow. In every journeys ahead, Wangho, I will pray for you.
I'm sorry, I could not be there for you to run or hide for the last time. Please forgive me, Lee Sanghyeok.
With a scribbled barely longer visible due to the bold cross out last note, if fate allows, I love you.