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It had been a rough past few months as the seemingly never ending war raged on, with the kingdom's army taking heavy casualties. All had seemed lost, the King was ready to surrender and hand over the crown when his highly regarded tactician, Rui, had a sudden idea. He'd tracked down the Dragon God of legends, talked to him and in return for saving their army from further deaths, had pledged himself to him eternally. It always seemed to be more of an unspoken thing than an actual contract as after the war was won, it was never brought up again.
Instead, the dragon - he asked to be called Tsukasa - stayed seemingly of his own will, and Rui certainly wasn't one to complain. Since then, the two had gotten extremely close, to the point they were rarely publicly seen without each other. They both seemed to enjoy the company in their equally lonely lives and over time, Rui can feel a flourishing in his heart that tells him this is more than just platonic. The more he thinks about it, the giddier he feels, his stomach twists with flutters and he can barely concentrate on his work. He's in love with Tsukasa.
---
Getting Tsukasa to join him at night was fairly easy, he need only call his name and the dragon was there within seconds, sitting opposite him on his bed and agreeing to this talk. Rui can barely calm his nerves, shaking a little as he gather the courage to finally speak his mind.
"Tsukasa-Kun.." he begins slowly, hesitating before reaching out and taking the dragon's hands, smiling softly as he gently squeezes them. "You know I've always talked about how you've changed the lives of me and my people. Fufu, everyone close to me knows it," Rui can't help the small chuckle as he remembers all the times Mizuki and Nene had told him to just kiss Tsukasa already with how much he talks about him. The thought of a kiss made Rui swoon and he has to clear his throat again to stop his rising blush.
"I.. I've been thinking about this for awhile. And I wanted to finally tell you how I feel." Rui shuffles a little closer to Tsukasa now, gently squeezing his hands again and looking up at him with a hopeful, almost shy smile. The look on the dragon's face is... unreadable at best. Rui doesn't know how to decipher such an expression. He falters a little, unsure whether to proceed when faced with a face like that... 'Perhaps he's just nervous too. He might be feeling the same way..!' Rui hopefully thinks, quickly licking his lips to stop the growing dryness and taking another shaky breath.
"I... Tsukasa-Kun. I think.. I think I'm in love with you.. And I have been for awhile. I enjoy your company and your confidence and I just.." Rui has to trail off lest he go into a ramble about everything he loves about the dragon, chuckling softly again at the thought. "I just feel so madly in love with you. And... I hope you feel the same." Without thinking, the tactician suddenly leans forward, pressing his lips to Tsukasa's before he can see his reaction. And that's where his stomach twists, bile rises in Rui's throat and his trembling gets worse.
Tsukasa doesn't reciprocate. Instead, his breath hitches and he pushes Rui away, eyes wide with horror and immense fear. That expression. That expression alone makes Rui want to throw up. Has Tsukasa hated the idea of him this entire time? Put up with him just because they were bonded? Why would he look at him like... Like that...?
"Rui.." comes Tsukasa's shaky voice, tail curling around his waist as he jumps up off the bed, backing up nervously and shaking his head. "No. No, we... No..." The dragon visibly struggles to get out any other words, tears gathering in his eyes as he shakes his head again. "We can't. We.. We can't." Those words are the last thing Rui hears before Tsukasa turns and dashes.
"No, wait! Tsukasa-kun, wait..!" Rui desperately calls after him, scrambling off the bed while getting caught up in his covers.
"Tsukasa-kun, don't go!!" The tactician cries, finally freeing himself from his covers right as he sees said dragon jumping out of his window. Despite knowing there was no point, Rui rushes over to the window, tears running down his own cheeks as he rapidly looks around, hopeful that he'll see even a trace of Tsukasa but deep down inside, he knows it over. With the magic of a Dragon God, Tsukasa was likely long gone. Rui can barely contain himself, dropping to his knees and beginning to sob, resting his head on the window ledge and weakly crying, pleaing for Tsukasa to come back.
But he won't. Why would he? With a reaction like that, Rui has a feeling he may never see the dragon again. And the mere thought of that rips him to shreds, shatters Rui's heart. For the tactician was now lonely once again.
~ ~ ~
It had been a good few months since Tsukasa had walked out on Rui's confession, refusing to come back in the hope that maybe the tactician would give up and forget about him after such a display. It takes nearly all of that time for the dragon to realise that wasn't happening.
He'd lay in the clouds and watch the window he knew was Rui's, finding him staring out of his open window, often with a look of yearning as his eyes search the clouds. He was looking for Tsukasa no doubt, probably hoping so hard that he'd return so they could talk and it's been weighing on the dragon's mind for awhile. While he knows what they want simply can't go on, he hates causing Rui such grief too. After a lot of deliberation, Tsukasa plans it out in his mind. A quick trip, nothing else. He was going to put an end to this.
---
"Tsukasa-kun.. you're... Is it really you...?" Rui's voice is full of hope as he approaches Tsukasa's figure at the window, clearly not daring to believe. His hand comes to rest over his chest and he trembles a little, tears in his eyes as he fully takes in what he's seeing. "It is you. I'm... I'm sorry.. For what I did. I didn't mean to drive you away. We can still be friends, I promise! I just-"
The tactician's words are swiftly cut off, silenced with a kiss as Tsukasa holds him close. He can't bare to listen to Rui when he's upset like this, he can't
let him apologise and hope things go on as they used to when he knows that's not how this goes. And really he shouldn't be doing this but the guilt is sparking so much turmoil and he feels sick knowing he's hurt someone so important to him, he has to fix it. If only for a little.
"I'm sorry too.." Tsukasa whispers when he pulls away from the kiss, tears quickly gathering in his own eyes. It's been so long since he's felt Rui's lips against his and knowing he has to turn them away again hurts his soul, he yearns so much to keep them. "I'm.. I love you too, Rui. And I'm sorry this keeps happening. I'm sorry we can't have each other..." The dragon takes a shaky breath, stomach twisting into knots as he watches Rui's glee slowly turn into horror, a fearful expression that he absolutely hates knowing he's caused. One he's seen so many times before.
Tsukasa struggles to get his next words out, stuttering and letting out shaky breaths as his head comes to rest on top of Rui's. "I wish it didn't have to come to this.." he whispers, "You deserve better. I'm sorry. Just... Know I'll love you forever. I'll always love you. No matter how many times we go through this, my love for you have never changed." Tsukasa hesitates, unsure whether to add anymore before biting his lip and slowly nodding. He takes another shaky breath before finally leaning in, pressing another, final kiss to Rui's
lips.
The hand that rests on his head moves back, cupping the back of his head while a claw draws symbols into his scalp. Tsukasa can feel his magic working as they kiss, drawing memories and replacing them with happy times the tactician won't remember. He hates that he has to go through this again.
---
Years had passed again since Tsukasa said goodbye to this Rui, hating that he had to walk away with taking memories yet again. He seemed to meet every Rui in their lifetime and they'd always fallen in love as if by fate, but this one... This one was oddly persistent.
It was the third time Tsukasa had had to wipe the memories of himself from the tactician's mind. Thrice had he had to hurt him so much and had to watch happy faces of returned love melt into anguish before he was gone again. It hurt his very soul. He can't do this again.
The dragon had decided mingling with the humans never ended well so he was simply going to stop. He'd retreated to his usual resting cave and shifted back into his dragon's form, determined to reject and scare off any humans who came his away. No longer would he help or serve, he would stick to himself and never hurt anyone again. And yet...
"Oh mighty Dragon God... I apologise for disturbing your slumber. I come at peace, with a request for my Kingdom. Please help us fight our losing war. The King is at a loss and he keeps sending troops to bloodbaths! I'll do anything in return, I simply request you hear me out and consider your aid..."
The familiar voice graces his presence and initially, Tsukasa growls and says he won't go. He can't go again. But the tactician pleads a final time and that voice of hurt, of desperation, is one he can never say no to. So against his better judgement, Tsukasa accepts. His mind is guided by his heart, he can't keep himself away from Rui for long. Yet again, Tsukasa willingly puts himself back into this cycle, and braces himself for the inevitable hurt of having to say no to his true love once more.