Chapter Text
"So are you excited about going home, buddy?" Church asked his boyfriend as they stood guarding the blue base, looking to see if the reds were up to something.
They weren't. They never were.
"Oh yes. It has been a long time since I have seen my sisters. It will be nice to see them again."
"I didn't know that you had sisters."
"Yes! They are lots of fun. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"No."
"I am sorry, you must have been very lonely when you were little then." Caboose was quiet for a moment. "But it's okay because you have me now best friend! And I will make sure that you are never lonely again!"
He then proceeded to chatter on about how awesome Church was, what great friends they were, just how stupid Tucker was, and various other topics that Church did his best to ignore. It was cute in it's own way, not that he would ever admit it, so instead he complained.
"More like make sure that there is never a moment of peace and quiet in my life ever again," Church grumbled, although there was no real bite to his tone.
"I do not like the quiet," Caboose admitted sheepishly. Church hadn't really been expecting a response, but even if he was, it wouldn't have been this. "It is scary, and bad, and means that something is wrong. Quiet is stupid, like Tucker. Worse than Tucker. Like, like, ... I do not like the quiet, Church, let's talk about something else."
"Okay buddy," Church said almost tenderly, although he would never admit it himself and would undoubtedly try but ultimately fail to shoot anyone that tried to say so. "What would you like to talk about?"
"What are you going to do on your leaf?"
"It's called leave, dumbass," Church retorted. Boyfriend or not, it was the blue team leader's job to let the rookie know when he was being stupid. Which was often.
"Normally you are very smart Church, but this time you are wrong," Caboose said confidently. "It is leaves if there are many, but leaf if there is only one. I remember that from school."
"We aren't talking about the type of leaves that grow on trees Caboose."
"I know. We are talking about vacation."
"Which is called leave."
"Is it spelled differently?"
"No," Church answered.
"So it is just like I said, and I am right and you are wrong."
"No, you are still wrong Caboose," Church replied, beginning to lose his patience.
"But how? I don't understand. If it's spelled the same then that means we are using the same word. And if we are using the same word, why am I wrong? Are we both wrong? Are you saying the wrong word too, Church? We should just say vacation. That is easier. That way you don't get confused."
"I'm not the one who is - you know what, never mind. I don't feel like wasting any more time than we already have on this stupid conversation. I am not doing anything on my leave because I am not going anywhere."
"But even the reds are leaving. You can't stay here all by yourself. What happens if you get lonely? There would be no one for you to talk to. And it would be so quiet all the time. No." Caboose spoke and it was a demand. "You cannot stay here all by yourself while everyone is on vacation. You can come home with me! It will be so much fun. Like a sleepover! And Tucker is not invited. No matter how jealous he may get about us having all the fun without him."
"Caboose."
"Not even Captain Cheesecake."
"Caboose."
"Just me and my "
"Caboose!"
"Yes Church?"
"I'm not going."
"Going where?"
"Home with you."
"Oh I know, I'm so excited. Are you excited Church?"
"I just told you that I'm not going with you."
"Don't be silly, of course you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Everyone will be so excited to meet you," Caboose continued talking and ignoring Church's protests.
Those were the words that stuck in Church's head. Meeting his boyfriend's family. Other than the new information that Michael had sisters, Church knew nothing about Caboose's family. No, that wasn't quite true. Back when the rookie had first arrived at Blood Gulch he had said something about his father.
"My dad always said 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'"
Those didn't exactly sound like the words of a man who would be particularly accepting of a gay son. Which is what prompted Church's question:
"Hey buddy, does your family know that you are gay?"
"Oh yes, I am gay around my family all the time. I am gay most of the time. Except for when I am sad."
"What? That doesn't make any" and mid sentence, Church realized what his boyfriend was saying. He was getting frighteningly good at figuring out Caboose nonsense now. "Not gay like happy you moron, gay as in you like guys."
"Oh," Caboose replied as if he understood his previous error, which Church severely doubted. "I like everybody. Except Tucker."
Church let out a frustrated sigh. Yeah, he definitely still didn't get it. How to dumb this down further?
"Does your family know that you date guys?" He tried again.
"I like everybody," Caboose repeated as if Church was the slow one. "You, Sheila, Minty, Libbett."
"Are those even names?"
"Pobs, Bernard, Alex, Alec."
"I can't even tell which of those are male or female."
"Well Bernard was a guy," Caboose said, managing to keep his composure for only a few seconds before he started laughing, revealing that he knew what he was doing, and was aggravating Church intentionally. "And you know Sheila was a girl, and you are a guy. Does that help?" He continued to snicker.
"You are lucky I think you're cute, because I would not take that smart-ass shit from anybody else."
"Am I cute enough to go on vacation with?" Caboose asked. "Will you spend your leaf with me Church? Please?" He began fidgeting as he waited eagerly for a response, and that is what did the other soldier in, because how was he supposed to say no to that? His boyfriend looked like an overexcited puppy that wanted to go on a walk. Seriously? Church might be cruel at times, but he wasn't that heartless.
There was really only one response that he could give. "Fine, I'll go with you." He did his best to make it sound like a great inconvenience, but both of the blue soldiers knew that it was all for show.
"Hooray! You are going to love the moon, I just know it!"
"You live on the moon?!"