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It had been a slow day at the station when Buck decided what they should have for dinner. After the last couple of months of funeral planning, grieving, and trying to get around gaining a new captain, there had been no time to really take it easy. But today hadn’t seen any new calls so the rest of the team had kept themselves busy doing chores.
Ravi was downstairs checking inventory while Hen was maintaining the engine. Chimney had decided to work out and that left Buck with dinner duty. He already knew what he wanted to make and had gotten the ingredients the day before.
Putting on his apron, Buck started out by putting the salad together. He made sure to cut the tomatoes, carrots, and cucumbers perfectly. Hen liked craisins so he made sure to put some aside for her. No croutons would go in yet since Martinez had an allergy. The vinaigrette he made went beside it in the refrigerator until it would be ready to eat.
Next, he pulled out the french bread he had bought and mixed together the seasonings with the butter he had left out to soften earlier. This was a special treat for Chimney, who mentioned having a craving for garlic bread thanks to a food show Maddie wanted to watch days earlier with him.
Everything was going smoothly. He had even Facetimed Eddie, who returned to El Paso after Bobby’s service. However, he had recently begun asking Buck about the housing situation in Los Angeles, which left Buck to wonder what he was up to. However, Eddie was tight-lipped, only inquiring about their captaincy situation. Buck didn’t want to think about that.
The main dish of the day was chili and he had been so excited to make it. It was his first time making it in a while and he thought it would go well with the garlic bread. Buck was putting everything together when he went to grab the cocoa powder. However, when he looked in the cupboard above the stove, he didn’t see anything. He could have sworn it was in here. He left it off the list on purpose because he knew it was in there.
“Where is it?” Buck muttered to himself, opening a different cupboard to see if someone else had moved it without him knowing. However, Buck still didn’t see anything. “Come on, come on.” He moved to the pantry, looking inside desperately. “No, no, no, it’s gotta be here.”
He frantically began looking through every door he could think of, even inside the freezer. “No, it’s gotta be here, please, come on.” Buck was now talking loudly to himself.
“Buck, what are you looking for?” Chimney asked, coming up the stairs. Buck was once again slamming open the cupboards, frantic in his mission.
“Where is it? I know it was in here! I checked!” He turned to face Chimney, who looked alarmed, seeing tears in Buck’s eyes.
“Okay, what is it, maybe I can help you.”
“Cocoa powder, I needed it and I knew it was in here so I didn’t buy it on purpose.”
Chimney glanced at the pantry, but he shook his head. “I have no idea, maybe B or C shift used it. It’s not a big deal if we don’t-”
“Yes, it is!” Buck slammed his hands down, almost hyperventilating now. Chimney held his hands up but walked towards him. “I wanted dinner to be perfect and it’s not perfect without it!”
“What are you making?”
“Salad and I got those craisins Hen likes, the ones she tells us to never finish unless we are going shopping. Y-you mentioned that show with Maddie so I got garlic bread for you. Ravi really likes this dessert his mom makes for his birthday so I asked her how to make it the last time she came to see him. I needed cocoa powder for chili, but I can’t make the chili without it and it has to be perfect for Bo-” Buck paused, unable to speak. His breaths were coming out in heavy pants and it felt like he could barely get any oxygen.
“Buck.” Chimney walked towards him but he shook his head, leaning against the sink. He was trying so hard not to break, but it felt like he was losing stability.
“No, Chimney, no, I can’t. Okay? I have to be strong for you guys and I can’t do this. I can’t.”
Chimney ignored Buck, walking slowly towards him. “I know you have, Buck, but you don’t have to right now. You’ve done enough. Let me take care of you, okay? That’s what brothers are for.”
Buck crumpled at that, slowly sliding to the ground and covering his face. He began crying softly, whispering, “I just wanted it to be perfect.”
Slowly, Chimney came to sit beside him, pulling Buck close. “It’s perfect because you made it. You don’t have to do anything more than just put something together, and we’ll eat it because it came from you. And I am guessing whatever recipe you’re following to a T came from Bobby?”
Buck nodded behind his hands. Since he couldn’t see Chimney, he didn’t see him pull out his phone and send a quick text. Once Buck calmed down with Chimney, who had rubbed his shoulder the entire time he held him close, he sighed.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” Chimney tilted his head. “Maddie was wondering when you’d finally let go.”
Buck let out a huff, shaking his head and sniffling. “For what it’s worth, I’ve let it out with Tommy. I just-it’s the first time I’ve tried making it since…you know, he told me what the secret ingredient was right before I was struck by lightning?”
Chimney nodded. “And now I know everything.”
Buck couldn’t help the smile this brought to his face. “I don’t think he’d mind me sharing the wealth. Just use this knowledge wisely.”
Chimney saluted him before helping Buck up so that the food he was cooking wouldn’t burn. 20 minutes had gone by with Buck now checking the chili periodically as it simmered before he heard Hen call out, “Buck, your man’s here!”
Confused, Buck walked over to the banister to see Tommy waving at him, a shopping bag in one hand. “Hey.”
“Hey, I thought you had a shift?” Buck walked down to greet him, pecking his lips.
“I do, but not for another three hours. I figured instead of eating leftovers, I’d come see what you’re cooking.” He pulled something out of the bag and held it up. A container of cocoa powder.
“Tommy, how?” Buck asked, as he took the container, circling it in between his fingers.
“A little birdie may have sent me a message.”
Buck looked over at Chimney, who suddenly found his reflection in the fire engine’s mirror fascinating. But he had a smile on his face and honestly, it made Buck feel warm inside that Chimney would do that for him.
“Thanks. I…I got the recipe from Bobby and-”
“You needed something extra? I got you, baby. Do you have enough to feed me?”
“Yes, we have plenty!” Buck pulled him up to the kitchen, but not before getting Chimney’s attention to mouth ‘Thank you.’
Once everything was finally added the way Buck intended, everyone came to eat and Buck watched as everyone got something on their plate. Ravi was already making sure he got his helping of his dessert before looking at Buck.
“So Chimney said you got all of our favorites, Buck. What’s your favorite here at the table?”
Buck looked around, and even though there were a couple of places missing that he would prefer would be here, he knew that even if it wasn’t as perfect as he would like, it was still special enough to soothe an ache in him that he still wasn’t sure would go away.
“You. All of you.”
“That was the cheesiest thing I have ever heard.” Chimney teased him. Tommy and Hen both smiled at Buck before digging in.
Somewhere out there, Buck hoped Bobby was smiling at them.