Chapter Text
Christian liked to think he was observant. He liked to think that he knew the people around him, that not much flew past him if it had to do with his friends. Which is why he was, he knew, unjustifiably upset at the conversation going on right now. Because he did not predict this. He hadn’t even thought about it. But of course, Sai had. Sai, who was always mindful and aware of others. Who was always carefully calculated with his actions and words. Sai, who started the conversation by asking Christian and Otis, “Have you noticed anything different about Nick recently?”
Christian had not, but seeing as Sai had, he knew that there was something new with Nick. Sai wouldn’t have said anything about it otherwise. He pondered the question, rolling the idea around in his head trying to find an answer.
Otis was the first to respond. He shook his head, casually saying around the apple he was eating, “No, mate.” A quick pause in between to swallow, “Why? Have you?” Christian didn’t resist the urge to roll his eyes.
“Well, obviously he did.” He said good naturedly, “‘Else he wouldn't have said anything, yeah?”
Sai smiled softly at him, laughing gently out of his nose. He was looking down, moving around the food that was his lunch, making no move to pick any of it up. Christian knew that he was fidgeting, finding the perfect words to say. It was a habit he’d had since Christian could remember. Fidgeting with anything he could find while planning his next thought before saying it aloud. A pen, his nails, the hem of his shirt, or today's lucky winner, his lunch. He would never say it out loud at risk of sounding uncharacteristically sappy, but it made his heart swell slightly, to know his friend so well.
The swell was furthered by the fact that Sai tried to be purposefully unreadable. Christian loved Otis as well, the three of them an established trio for years, but it felt like a separate achievement to get Sai. Otis was loud and boisterous, somehow without being obnoxious, and wore his emotions clearly without effort to cover them. He was an open book, ready to display himself to anyone who might ask to read it. Sai, on the other hand, was the opposite. He was quiet and guarded, always gentle and soft as if he was constantly trying to be careful. Always thinking of how to better a situation and help those around him. But he didn’t allow others to easily get close to him like Otis and Christian did.
“He and Charlie have gotten really close. I think– he seems really happy.” Sai started, eyes scanning between Christian and Otis as if he had said something more than a simple comment on a budding friendship between their longtime friend Nick, and the newest addition to the rugby team, Charlie.
Christian furrowed his eyebrows slightly, confused about where Sai was going with this, yet knowing he had to be leading up to something.
“Yeah, good for them,” he commented, trying and probably failing to keep the impatience that was already building out of his voice. He hated not being in the know.
Otis seemed to be on the same page, adding “I guess so, yeah. What about it?”
“I’ve just been noticing a few things recently, and I’ve wondered if they might be together?” Sai said slowly, watching for Christian and Otis’s reaction. Christian raised his eyebrows at the news, trying to control his face to not let the complete shock he was feeling show. He hadn’t noticed anything between his two teammates. Like at all. Otis, though, did not catch on to what Sai was saying.
“Like right now?” He asked, head tipped to the side, “I mean, I reckon they might eat lunch together. We’re all eating lunch together.” He commented, shrugging his shoulders.
“Mate, he means like dating.” Christian gave. This caused Otis’s mouth to drop open slightly, making Christian laugh.
Christian turned back to Sai to find him already looking at him, scanning his face for any sign of what he was feeling. He was glad that he had tried to mask his shock. “Why do you say that?” he asked carefully. Sai took a second before responding, not taking his eyes away from Christian. He had to force himself not to squirm under his friend’s unrelenting stare.
“I don't have, like, solid evidence or anything, but the way they look at each other and all that seems, like, more than friendly.” he spat out with a forced casualty. The overuse of ‘like’ was a clear indicator of nerves, and Christian saw right through it. Why was Sai so nervous to tell them this? Christian’s mind was racing.
The surprise of the news that Charlie and Nick might be together, and the fact that he didn’t even notice. The question of why Sai was acting so odd about this, nerves palpable around him. The unreasonable way this irked him and made him feel on edge. He was aware that his feelings were unwarranted, but when had that ever stopped them from happening before? But with Sai analysing his face, it was hard to reason with and calm himself while also trying to remain stoic. He stayed silent, worried that his aggravation would be obvious, and he didn’t want it to be.
Christian had been working hard on controlling his emotions recently. He was always a ticking time bomb, allowing all the little grievances in his everyday to build up until something made him explode. It was always something that didn't deserve the gravity of his reaction, as well. He was upset at himself for not noticing whatever Sai had seen between Nick and Charlie. It made him feel like an idiot, somehow, that he missed something going on with Nick, someone he'd been close to forever. Upset for not understanding his own emotions and not being able to control them the way he wanted to. Getting more upset by the fact that he was upset for no reason, ironically. He was trying to discreetly ground himself back into the conversation, push the bad thoughts out of his head to be present with his two best friends on their lunch. He didn't realise that he hadn't responded and had missed something being directed towards him until he zoned back in to find both boys looking at him. Otis looked half there, most likely processing the new information, and Sai looked at him anxiously awaiting an answer. “Sorry, what?” he requested.
“Is that alright with you?” Sai asked hesitantly. Christian felt a metaphorical light bulb appear above his head, suddenly seeing why Sai was so nervous. He wasn’t trying to see if Christian was alright with Nick and Charlie, he was gauging if Christian was alright with two boys dating. It was with a start that he realised that the three of them had never broached this subject before, never having a reason to.
“Yeah, yes, of course. If they’re together, good for them.” He reassured, nodding his head. “Just a bit upset that I hadn’t noticed anything.” He tacked on, watching Sai’s face relax slightly, getting a soft smile that was rarely given.
That was another thing Christian had been trying to do recently. Be honest about his feelings to not allow them bubble and build inside of him. It felt embarrassing almost, but it made it feel worth it when it made Sai ease and smile at him like that. Like a present for being vulnerable.
“Good.” Sai muttered, “I think they're trying to hide it, though, so don't feel bad about not noticing.”
“But you still noticed,” Christian retorted.
Sai opened his mouth to respond but was beaten by Otis, “That's because he's better than us, mate.” he jested, throwing a grin at Sai. Christian knew that Otis was joking but he had to agree. He nodded, smiling and looking at Sai who simply rolled his eyes.
“I’d noticed they'd gotten close, but I didn't think much of it. Until– do you remember a few weeks ago when they were assigned to pick up the cones after practice, but they'd missed one so I went to put it in the shed?” He waited for Otis and Christian to nod, both remembering because they had waited for Sai in the locker room before all leaving. “So when I walked over to the shed, I saw them standing very close to each other, near the back.” he began, gesturing nowhere as he did so. “It was a bit odd how close they were, but again, I didn't think much of it. When they saw me, though, they jumped apart so quickly you would have thought I'd caught them doing stuff back there.”
“Stuff.” Christian cut in and mocked him with a laugh. It was endearing to him how Sai couldn't get himself to say anything even remotely sexual, considering who his best friends were. It was often that Christian would go out of his way to make vulgar or explicit jokes just to see the uncontrollable blush that always appeared on his friends face. Otis usually adding on and furthering the red tint.
Sai ignored him, giving him another, this time pointed, eye roll while continuing the story, “So I got a bit suspicious, obviously. And then I started to notice other stuff because I was looking for it, like how Nick can’t take his eyes off Charlie during practice. Or like, how his hand’s always just a bit lower on Charlie's back in the huddle than it would be ours, you know?”
“Well, no, I don't know, actually,” Otis replied, “But I don't doubt that you're right. You always are about these kinds of things.”
Christian made a noise of agreement before adding, “‘Reckon I’ll watch for it at practice today.”
“Don't be obvious about it though, I don't want them to think we know.”
At the same time, Christian said, “Well, duh.” Otis questioned, “Why not?”
Seeing that his friends didn't agree with him, Otis spoke up to explain himself. “What if they’re not saying anything because they don't know if we'll be supportive? If they think we know and we make it clear that we're fine with it–”
“Not fine with it, Otis, that sounds like we're just tolerating them.” Christian interrupted.
“Okay, I didn't mean it like that though–”
“Doesn't matter what you meant, it still sounds rude and like we're not actually fine they’re gay, no?”
“See, this is why we should wait for them to come to us,” Sai said, sounding close to how a parent would when making a point to a child. “And we don't know if Nick’s gay,” he tacked on.
Otis was obviously having a hard time navigating the conversation, eyebrows close together as if he was solving a hard maths equation. “If he's dating a guy, how is he not gay?” He inquired, clearly confused.
Christian opted to ignore Otis’s question, hoping his response to Sai would be enough of an answer, “I'm using gay as an umbrella term, Sai.” Sai looked appeased at his reply, so he continued, turning to Otis. “Sai’s right, they'll say something when they want to and I don't think we should push that. Isn’t coming out like a big thing for gay people?” he pondered.
Sai laughed at his statement light heartedly while nodding. He wasn't sure why Sai was laughing exactly, but it didn't make him upset like it would when most people laughed at him when he wasn't in on the joke.
“Exactly what Chris said. Maybe they don't know if we'll be supportive and that's why they’re not saying anything,” he said, acknowledging Otis’s point, “But maybe they're just not ready to say anything, and if that's the case then we shouldn’t force them to”
“Yeah, I guess,” Otis muttered. “But if they don't tell us soon can I make sure they know we’re chill with it? Don't want them to think no one would back them.”
“I don't trust you to not mess that up.” Christian teased, reaching across the table and pulling the uneaten cheese out of Sai’s lunch for himself. Sai glared at him, probably aiming to be stern but it fell to a smile when Christian shrugged his shoulders as if to say, ‘You’re not eating it.’
"Says you." Otis remarked.
“We also can't forget that I might be wrong and they could just be friends,” Sai pointed out.
“Doubt it.” Chris protested.
“Chris,” Sai said laughing, “You didn't even know until I said something.”
“Maybe, but I trust you.”
“Yeah, me too mate.” Otis added, “‘Just said you're always right about this shit.”
And there was that annoyance again, bubbling up inside of Christian for no apparent reason. That’d been happening a lot more recently towards Otis, which made him feel exceedingly guilty. Because he loved Otis, he truly did. So, he tried tamping it down, pushing the absurd irritation he got from Otis acknowledging that Sai was always right about this stuff. Not because it wasn't true, because it was. Sai had a knack for observing people, an innate ability to understand emotions and interpret situations in a way not many people can. So why was he annoyed? Was he jealous that Otis complimented Sai and not him? He dismissed that thought as soon as it came, laughing under his breath at the ridiculousness of it because he’d never be upset over Otis not complimenting him. His laugh caught the attention of his friends, causing them to look over at him, Sai raised an eyebrow.
“What's so funny over there, Mate?” Otis asked, bringing him out of his thoughts.
He cleared the thought of why he was upset out of his head, effectively ending the line of thought before responding, “Just thinking about that movie we saw a while ago, the one with that one-way glass house with those fairy things that watched all of ‘em?”
“Then why are you laughing, that was scary.”
And just like that, the conversation had shifted into more comfortable territory. Thoughts of Nick and Charlie and Christian's confusing emotions pushed to the wayside to allow for the usual casual conversation to restart and take control Christians mind.