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Red, everything was red, the pool of red liquid flowed along the steps he took. The stench of blood, burning flesh, and smoke filled the air. The fire was still burning all around, burning various trees, buildings, and corpses. The unknown bodies were completely motionless, as the flames continued to cremate them. The place was like a hell that continued to burn without the slightest mercy.
From a distance he could hear the mournful wails of screams. It sounded so broken, in pain, and angry. Making him wonder, what made the usually beautiful chirping sound so broken?
He couldn't stop himself from moving forward. To see the source of this chaos and find out why. The reason why one of his four shikigami had become so angry and merciless to all the victims here.
Then there, he found what he was looking for. His breath was choked to what was waiting for him ahead. His three shikigami began to talk about something, but his ears were ringing so loudly that he couldn't hear anything they were saying.
Someone grabbed his kariginu arm as if forbidding him to continue. It must be Byakko. But from the weakness of the grip showed that even if he forbade it, he would not stop him. So he kept walking. Ignoring how Byakko's hand slipped from his arm and the three who ended up following him behind.
He didn't realize since when his steps turned into running. He just wanted to get there quickly. To where the figure was leaning against the remains of the stone wall surrounded by corpses. He wanted to make sure the person was okay as soon as possible. Or rather he hoped, he prayed, that the person he had been looking for for a week was okay.
But his hopes were shattered at that very moment. His steps stopped a few steps away from the figure. He couldn't bear it, but should he call him a corpse now? The body in front of him showed no sign of life at all. He could hear the gasps of the three people behind him, as he dared to step closer and kneel in front of the body.
Tears flowed without warning. When was the last time he cried? No. He couldn't even remember feeling this way in his entire life. His heart was beating hard and fast, his chest was tight, and his heart ached at the sight of the body in front of him.
His skin was as white as cold porcelain with bruises and cuts in various places. His head was lowered showing his hair that was always straight and soft, tangled in a mess that covered most of his face. The white silk kimono he wore was tattered and barely able to cover his arms and legs. Red stains decorated the front of the fabric as if it were a deliberate masterpiece, if only the stench of blood wasn't so strong.
His left arm looked broken and twisted in the wrong direction. There were bruises from bindings on both wrists and a chain still attached to one of his legs. Now he knew why Suzaku was so angry, because he felt the same way. He would do the same to anyone who had done this cruelty to the precious person in his life.
"Douman..."
"Seimei-sama."
Seimei reached out to touch his face, then slowly lifted it. The cold and stiff feeling made his hands tremble. There was no warmth left in it, despite the heat from the flames around him, and Seimei had to feel his world spin for a moment as he saw the face in front of him in full. Byakko had supported him to keep him upright and watch the face in front of him.
His pale chapped lips parted slightly, revealing the red residue of the blood he had vomited. The bruises around his eye sockets showed how exhausted he was and had not been given any rest at all. Then on his neck, Seimei touched the cold neck slowly and felt the sharp sting of the glass shards still stuck there. So that was how he chose to end his suffering. Ending his life that had been too desperate to expect help.
His gaze fell on several small bruises on his neck. Not bruises from being strangled by someone. The bruises were relatively smaller which made him scared and immediately opened the front of his kimono a little. There were more of the same bruises there, around his shoulders, and that was when Seimei realized what had happened to Douman. What they had done to him.
Those half-open eyes stared at him. The red color faded without any light, staring blankly into the void. As if staring straight into his soul. Giving him a series of curses and insults because of his lateness.
Yes, he deserved it. He deserved all the abuse. It was all his fault.
"... Yes,,, I deserve it... So please, just curse right now... Don't scare me. Say the curses directly." Seimei muttered as he hugged the stiff body tightly.
He didn't care if the side of his head was scratched by the glass shards and he just wanted to hear the little bit of life left in his chest if possible. He had pushed aside his pride, his status, his mask, and his shame to cry over the corpse in his arms.
He cried like a child who had just lost his precious thing, and he had indeed lost it now. The only one he considered as family, his little Douman.
He had lost his rival, his best friend, his student, and his sworn brother. Someone he had sworn to protect for the rest of his life since he brought him home. And now it had become the biggest failure in his life.
"Sorry, sorry, sob,,, sorry, sorry,,, forgive me. If only I had realized it earlier, sob... If only I had found you and come sooner,,, you wouldn't have to end up like this. Leaving with a dirty feeling that wasn't your fault at all, sob... Sorry,,, sorry, Douman. Forgive me for failing to protect you, sorry... Sob."
His cries became more unbearable and he could only hug the cold body tighter. Hoping for a miracle that his warmth would wake the dead body, even though it was impossible.
Seeing their master sad, also affected the three people who were now surrounding the body in his embrace. They could feel what Seimei felt. His feelings of sadness, anger, and guilt. But they couldn't do anything but let him wail to his heart's content.
It went on for quite a while, until they heard something fall near their group.
Thud!
Seimei looked up to see where the voice came from. A few steps away from them, there was a fresh corpse with a familiar face. His tattered Kariginu covered in blood could still be recognized as having a fairly high rank in the Empire.
He was one of the Onmyouji who served the emperor just like him. Although ranked below him and Douman, Seimei would never forget that face. The face of someone who had always opposed him and insulted Douman since the first time he introduced him to the emperor. The one who could not accept Douman becoming the youngest Onmyouji who was also widely adored and praised directly by the Emperor. Always trying to overthrow Douman in various ways. There was no doubt that he was involved, or maybe he was the one who started all this and put Douman in the situation he was in now.
He was a murderer. He was the one who tortured and killed his Douman. He was the one who made his Douman suffer until the end.
Seimei swore to tear him apart with his own two hands, if he were still alive. Make him pay many times more for what he had done to Douman. But unfortunately he was dead. Leaving Seimei who was once again drowning in guilt for his failure to even take revenge.
He could only stare helplessly at the body as Suzaku entered his sight. He noticed his appearance which was no different from the mess he had created.
He was a mess. His hair was messy, his kariginu was red with blood, as was his sword which was still dripping blood on its blade which he then stabbed into the ground. His eyes were empty and dark, but his tears kept flowing as if they would never stop. What made Seimei speechless was how the bird's two luxurious wings were burning in the fire and slowly eroding.
"Suzaku, you..." Byakko's frightened voice only added to his confusion about Suzaku's current situation.
Suzaku smiled hollowly as he knelt in front of Seimei, right next to Douman's other body. His hand which was also burning gently touched his cold cheek. It didn't burn a single spot of his skin, instead Seimei could feel the warmth slowly flowing into the body in his arms. Making the cold body regain its warmth.
"It's okay, it's okay now. I'll keep you warm from now on. You won't feel cold anymore." Suzaku's voice sounded hoarse and the fire on his wings was eroding them faster.
"Suzaku, stop!" Genbu grabbed Suzaku's free hand. Suddenly a hissing sound like water evaporating was heard. Seiryuu looked equally panicked while Byakko watched Suzaku's body as it was eroded and blistered in fear.
Seimei belatedly realized the current situation and he couldn't help but feel nauseous. Despite his status as a shikigami, Suzaku was a god. An entity that was always bound by taboos and so many prohibitions against getting involved in the affairs of other beings.
Gods were not allowed to kill humans or they would receive divine punishment. And Suzaku had already stained his entire body and sword with human blood. Not just one, but almost hundreds of humans here. Whether they were guilty or not, Suzaku had killed them in his rage.
In front of him, Suzaku was currently nothing more than a serial killer in the eyes of the highest gods. He was being burned with his own fire as karma, for taking many lives of his own free will. He who had drowned in his anger and selfishness just because of the death of one human and burned down part of the territory he swore to protect. Even if the fire could be extinguished with Genbu's water ability, it would still leave him with an endless burning feeling.
As if that was his purpose. Burn him with his fire, try to extinguish it in the hope that the pain will go away, and feel the disappointment when the burning feeling remains forever. Until he feels that he would rather die than be burned from the inside for the rest of his life.
Now it all depends on Suzaku himself. Will he accept Genbu to extinguish his fire and maintain his position as the god of karma, or let himself burn to ashes with no certainty that his soul will be reincarnated in the future.
Seimei was not at all surprised when Suzaku pushed Genbu's hand away and curled up against Douman's now warm body. He looked at him and Byakko with a sad and painful smile.
"Seimei, Ashiya-dono has never liked pain and neither have I. So I don't want to endure this pain for the rest of my life just to maintain my godly position."
In the end, Seimei would lose two precious people today. He could do nothing but stroke Suzaku's slowly burning hair. The fire burned more slowly as if to give its master time to say goodbye properly.
The fire burned nothing but his mortal body, and it only felt warm and comforting under Seimei's touch. Just like the warmth he had given to the cold Douman earlier. The fire also gave him a warmth that seeped into his entire body.
"Seimei,,, was I wrong for killing them all? I was angry, I couldn't hold myself back. I-I saw how Ashiya-dono stabbed his neck, sob,,, I was too late even though I had felt something strange since two days ago, sob... If only I had checked and searched for him sooner, sob,,, Ashiya-dono would still be alive, right?
Seimei, did I disappoint you? Did I fail because I burned the territory I was supposed to guard, sob...?"
Suzaku who was sobbing in front of him was the last thing Seimei expected to see. And here he was. Sobbing so hard over something that wasn't entirely his fault and also bearing the pain of his punishment.
Byakko started to cry as did Seiryuu, while Genbu just lowered his head to maintain his composure. Everyone was so whiny now and they had to laugh together, if only they didn't lose one and it would be two lives.
Seimei swallowed the stone that was stuck in his throat, before forcing his voice out, despite his tears that couldn't stop.
"Suzaku, do you regret all this? Despite our failure to protect Douman?"
"Puft... No. I will never regret it. On the contrary, I feel very satisfied that I killed them all. They should know who they are dealing with and also suffer the consequences. I am satisfied that I got this punishment rather than being locked up in one place for thousands of years to come." Even though he was starting to have difficulty breathing, Suzaku still laughed freely. Maybe it was for the last time.
"Then, you have not disappointed me at all. I would do the same if I were in your position. I would also choose death as punishment rather than living in the shadow of death." Seimei brought his head closer to Suzaku's head until their foreheads touched.
Suzaku winced, as tears fell right into his eyes and began to hurt. His scent remained like the sun even though his flesh was being eroded little by little into ashes. There was no longer the stench of blood from his victims as if the fire was also purifying it.
"Sigh... This is starting to hurt, ugh."
"Then you don't have to hold it in anymore."
"... You know, sigh,,, I imagined Ashiya-dono hitting me when we meet in hell later."
"Hell?" Seimei didn't bother to hide his confusion.
"Hehe... You know, we like to peek at the emperor's concubines in the baths."
"Suzaku! Do you have to confess at a time like this?!"
"Aww,,, huh, I just wanted to lighten the mood a little, Byakko-chan."
Suzaku's hands tremblingly wiped Seimei's tears slowly.
"But it doesn't work at all except for you, Byakko-chan." He said and Seimei let out a shaky breath when he felt Suzaku's hand move away because it lost its strength. He immediately grabbed the hand and leaned his cheek against the increasingly hot warmth. Accelerating the burning process from the inside.
"... Seimei, I'm starting to feel scared even though this pain should be able to cover it up. But, Seimei, can you assure me that everything will be okay when I'm gone? Can you be okay? Can you handle it even if it's just Byakko-chan, Seiryuu, and Genbu with your side? Can you live your life without being tied to our deaths that you couldn't even see in your prophecy? Live without feeling guilty or suffocating over our failure today? Can... Can we meet again in the next life with the small certainty of me being reincarnated? Can we?"
Suzaku had tried to keep his voice audible and clear. Seimei knew he didn't mean to force him to answer in full, but his tongue still felt numb. He bit his lower lip because of hesitation to answer, while Suzaku was still waiting for his answer amidst the drowsiness that was starting to appear in his eyes. The same red eyes as the one they were hugging and their first failure. Maybe this was the last time he saw two red eyes other than his own.
"Yes." Finally Seimei could only say one word containing truth and lies to answer it. A word that could make Suzaku think and guess for himself which questions were appropriate for the last time.
"Yes... Of course yes, ahahaha... Hiks..." Suzaku who had found the answer sobbed again softly before finally taking a deep breath.
"Then, see you in the next life. Let's wait for each other, even if one of us has to wait longer, and... Thank you for accepting him, Seimei... That's what Ashiya-dono wanted to tell you,,, for the last time." Suzaku's eyes began to close and were quickly eroded by the flames into ash.
"... I leave Seimei,,, to you." With the rest of his strength, Suzaku transformed himself into a small Vermillion bird, then placed himself in Seimei's arms between him and Douman.
Letting himself burn and disappear completely like a spark that rose into a star in the sky. Leaving behind a warmth that began to feel painful as Seimei closed Douman's eyes with his trembling hands.
"May we meet again in the life we promised without letting any of us wait too long." Seimei muttered as he looked up at the morning star that formed a constellation of the Suzaku star. Before carrying Douman's stiff body with Byakko's support.
He had told a lie and he would fulfill it from now on. Living the rest of his life without guilt over the deaths of his two friends, as if all this was just a passing wind. As if they were just leaving and would return soon.
He would fulfill the lie he promised Suzaku by lying to himself until his last day.
"See you in a thousand years Douman, Suzaku." He whispered to the body in his arms and then kissed it lovingly on the forehead.
Douman's body was still warm as if he were still alive. The warmth that Suzaku gave him for the last time lasted longer, even when he was about to be cremated. Making some people doubt because he looked more like he was sleeping than dead after receiving treatment, if only his stiff body and his stopped breathing did not convince them.
That day, the day of the death of the Great Onmyouji, Ashiya Douman was also remembered as the day Suzaku's barrier was broken and vice versa. It was also the day Seimei began to live his life with various sweet lies, in order to survive and be fine as he promised.
⊹ ࣪ ˖₊˚⊹⋆
"SEIMEI-NII!!!" the scream managed to wake him up from his long dream.
Seimei immediately sat up and controlled his gasping breath. Occasionally coughing because adrenaline made his heart beat too fast almost painfully. His ears rang as he felt his whole world spinning in his vision.
A pair of small hands held his right hand which was gripping the bed sheet tightly. Thanks to it, he was able to divert his attention and found a confused and frightened gaze from his youngest brother. It took him a few minutes until he finally managed to control his breathing so that he no longer choked. He managed to avoid a crisis in the morning for the first time.
"H-Haru? Did you come to wake me up?" Seimei winced at his hoarse and dry voice. The kind and intelligent Haru immediately went to get a bottle of water on the nightstand, and gave it to him which he accepted gratefully.
"Seimei-nii, did you just have a bad dream?"
"Yes? Why does Haru ask?"
"Because Seimei-nii is crying." Haru's small hand touched the side of his cheek to wipe away the warm liquid there.
Seimei himself did the same with his other hand. The wet and salty feeling of tears flowing to the corner of his lips confused Seimei. Why didn't he realize it earlier? How could he stop it now?
The tears flowed even faster as the image of his dream spun so clearly, as if it had all happened yesterday.
It was an old memory. A memory that he had hoped would be forgotten as time went by. But the memory actually settled deeper inside him and sometimes just appeared like a ghost from his past. Becoming a reminder of his greatest failure that he deserved.
Seeing his brother wiping away his tears repeatedly without success made the youngest Haruaki rush up to his bed, then hug his brother tightly. His arms could almost wrap around Seimei's back who without hesitation returned his brother's hug even tighter. Looking for the comfort he needed so much now.
The warmth that Haru offered made his feelings of fear and frustration overflow, so he didn't hesitate to cry as much as he wanted on that small shoulder. He had ignored the reality of how pathetic he was that he had to get comfort from his brother. While Haru continued to pat his back gently in an attempt to comfort him.
They continued like that for a few minutes later, until Seimei found his usual calmness again. He released his hug from Haru and smiled at his little brother who was so considerate to give him tissues and the rest of the water earlier.
"Thanks for the hug, Haru." He said.
"Um! Is Seimei-nii feeling better? Do Seimei-nii want to tell Haru about Seimei-nii's nightmares like Haru told Haru's dreams to Mama? Mama said it could make us feel better!" Haru offered which he had to reject.
Even though he needed an audience, he still couldn't tell it to Haru who was still too young and had the potential to tell everything to everyone.
"Thanks for your concern, Haru. But I'm fine. How about we get ready for school now?" He said while patting his little brother's head. He didn't miss Haru's hair shoots that stiffened as he remembered something forgotten.
"Haru hasn't woken up Ame-nii yet!" He exclaimed and immediately rushed out of his room to wake up his other brother, Amaaki. Seimei could only smile seeing his brother leave, then immediately prepared to start a new day in his new life.
He never thought he would be reborn with the same surname and name. Living a normal life even though he still had to deal with shrines and youkai who at one point had the intelligence and morals of normal humans. He didn't know who made this change, but he was very grateful that he didn't have to be a youkai slayer in this era.
Memories of his past were still there, which was the biggest drawback in his new life. But all that was paid off with the presence of various other more enjoyable things. Like his three old friends who still remembered him and were willing to follow him once again in this life by hiding their true status as legendary shikigami. And...
"Acchan! Let me rub one more lucky card!!!" Said a black-haired teenager who was being dragged by the collar by another teenager with purple hair and unique heterochromia eyes.
"No! You've already rubbed three times including my turn!"
"Acchan stingy! Oh, hi Seimei!"
Seimei, who had just left the house with Ame and Haru, couldn't hold back his amused smile when he saw the scene in front of him.
Karasuma Ranmaru is the reincarnation of Suzaku who is now born as the youkai Karasu Tengu. Then Ashiya Douman, he is still the same as he was in the past who has no memories like him and Ranmaru. The only thing they are both grateful for is because they would never dare to face him, if he remembered all the bad things from his previous life. While Ranmaru is the one who waited the longest for him and Douman, and only showed himself a few years ago when he managed to summon Byakko, Seiryuu, and Genbu at his shrine while in Kyoto.
"Good morning, you two." Seimei greeted, which was only greeted with a cheerful and sullen "Good morning" by Ranmaru and Douman.
"Douman-oniisan!" Haru greeted, who immediately approached Douman with millions of spirits and cheerfulness like the morning sun, then hugged him.
"Haru! Good morning!"
Douman's tone became more cheerful when he received a pleasant morning hug from Haru. He had forgotten about Ranmaru and focused more on Haru who was holding his hand to go first.
"Hey, wait! Haaaruuu,,, didn't you say you would hold my hand today~?" Complained Ame who immediately followed his younger brother and kidnapper.
"Hehe... That's because it's been a long time since Haru went to school with Douman-oniisan!" Haru said while laughing as he pulled Douman even more in his small (but fast) run to avoid Ame who was chasing them with his fast and wide steps.
Douman who was between the two Abes could only laugh a little when he had to adjust his steps to Haru's run. The three of them left automatically leaving Seimei and Ranmaru who were left behind with leisurely steps.
"Seimei, your eyes are still red." Ranmaru said without looking at his former master.
"... I just had a bad dream, about the past." Seimei answered which resulted in silence between the two for a few moments.
"Sometimes I dream the same thing too. But when I wake up and find Ten-chan and Bon-chan around me, I immediately feel better. They are my reminder that all of that is over and I have a better life than before. Especially when we met Acchan.
The same goes for you, right? It's okay Seimei, all of that is over. We just need to take care of him properly this time. Besides Acchan doesn't remember anything like we do, shouldn't all of this be enough to make up for our past mistakes? We don't need to avoid him and become strangers as if we don't know each other because of our guilt.
Even though we have the same trauma that is difficult to heal, at least seeing him breathing, being okay, enjoying his life with us, and still the same as before can be therapeutic for us.
Compared to that terrible past, this life is five times better, isn't it?" Ranmaru said at length while watching Douman who was lifting Haru who had just fallen with a soft smile on his face.
Seeing that smile, Seimei also smiled with the same relief. His burden this morning had been completely lifted after hearing his best friend's words, which also made him realize one thing he had missed in the past.
"You're right, and you're still the same as before, Ranmaru. Always worshiping him with a gaze full of love."
"W-WHAT?! SINCE WHEN DID I WORSHIP ACCHAN?!" Ranmaru protested with a face that slowly turned red.
"Fufu... It's been so obvious on your face since long ago, Ranmaru. Do you think you can always hide it from my meticulous eyes?" Seimei said in a teasing tone.
"Oh look! You're starting to be annoying again! Go back to being your melancholic self a few seconds ago!"
Seimei just laughed and walked ahead of Ranmaru who grumbled with every step.
'It's okay to accept all of this, right? All this pleasant happiness, I hope it doesn't end as quickly as I lost them on the same day.' Seimei's mind had placed himself beside Douman and Ranmaru on his other side.
The three of them walked together with light conversation while watching Haru who was carried by Ame on his shoulders until they arrived at school.
End.