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Jordan buried his head in his hands and let out a long breath. It didn’t do much to help him feel better, but there probably wasn’t much that would in that moment.
He’d messed up.
Big time.
And even though his siblings were currently doing their best to reassure him that there was still hope he was having a hard time believing it.
“How many dates did you go on?”
He flinched at Nat’s question, but forced himself not to avoid it.
“Eight,” he answered wearily, looking back up towards her.
“In three weeks!?” his half sister asked, raising a surprised brow. “Wow.”
Jordan nodded. “I know, I know. It was probably too intense,” it honestly hadn’t felt that way at the time. He’d fallen quickly, and hard. Spending time with Emma was just natural and they’d both wanted to hang out whenever they were free.
If it hadn’t been for his stupid lies, they probably still would be now.
It had only been a day since he’d totally blown everything up and he missed her even more than he thought he would.
“This is Jordan we’re talking about, Nat,” his brother chimed in, sending the girl a sideways look. “Are you really that surprised?”
“No, good point.”
Jordan rolled his eyes.
He knew he had a rep for being a hopeless romantic, but this was different. Or at least it had been.
He hadn’t gone out hoping to meet anyone on that first fateful night. In fact, the reason he’d disguised himself with glasses and a baseball hat was to have a quiet evening alone. He’d just wanted to go to a bar and have a beer by himself, without anyone asking him for a selfie or gushing about that fact that Superboy was there.
Even after six years in the spotlight, people still tended to treat them like celebrities. There had been an upside to that— he and Jon had done a lot a community work, and he felt like his position helped him make an even bigger difference then he could have with super powers alone.
But the fame could also be exhausting and there was no doubt that it had given him trust issues. He always tried to see the best in people, but there was no doubt that some had tried to weasel into their lives for the notoriety and novelty of it all. That meant that he had a small circle of friends, which he didn’t really mind. But dating had been a dangerous minefield ever since he was seventeen.
He never knew if people liked him for him, or if they simply wanted to date Superman’s son.
That was probably another reason why things with Emma had been so refreshing, and why he hadn’t fessed up as quickly as he should have.
“This was…different,” he asserted, mind flickering back to the past three weeks. Before things had gone horribly wrong.
From the moment he’d started chatting with her at the bar, something had ignited within him. She was gorgeous, and he could instantly sense a kindness and warmth within. They’d talked all night, then met up again the next day, and the day after that…
It had been easy, in a way that most interactions weren’t. He’d been convinced it was the start of something big.
Now, he was filled with a crushing disappointment.
“She’s amazing. We talked for hours every time we hung out and time just kind of melted away. I’ve never felt anything quite like that.”
Not with Sarah, and not with his first college girlfriend either. Certainly not with the string of girls he’d gone on dates with who asked millions of questions about his dad and wanted him to take them flying on the first date.
He looked at Jon.
“You know what it’s like for us,” he said, frown tugging at his lips, “it’s so hard just to open up with people, and it’s nearly impossible to tell why they want to hang out. I don’t think Emma would have cared about all the super hero stuff, even if I’d told her off the bat. And since I didn’t, I could just be Jordan, for a change.”
“Yeah, Jordan Elliot, apparently,” Nat reminded him, raising a brow. He’d told them the code name he’d used when he’d introduced himself to Emma and had received matching smirks from his siblings for it.
Jon snorted, but then his expression shifted into something more serious.
“It’s true,” he glanced at Nat, “it’s pretty hard to know who just wants to go on a date with one of the superboys, and who is actually interested in who we are.” His brother let out a sigh, sinking back into his chair.
His own breakup with Denise was still pretty raw, and he’d had a few terrible dates recently. Last month, a girl had even taken a few stealthy pictures during their date and sold them to the Daily Inquirer. That had totally sucked.
“So that’s why you took a leaf out of your dad’s old book and did the secret identity thing?” Nat asked.
“No, not really. I wasn’t trying to meet anyone,” Jordan replied, “but I wanted to try going out for a drink without anyone noticing me, so I put on glasses and a hat.”
“And a plaid flannel shirt,” Jon reminded him with a playful glint. “The Clark Kent vibes were strong.”
Frankly, he had balked at the sight of himself in the mirror that night. He’d looked more like his dad than ever. But he shot Jon a glare anyway.
“Well, it worked,” he muttered, still somewhat surprised that it had. He paused, mulling things over before he added, “when we went public, I was relieved that I’d never have to do the secret identity thing. I thought it would be a huge perk of telling the truth. But honestly, I’m not so sure anymore. Sometimes I wish I could just blend in.”
It was something he’d contemplated before. There wasn’t much point wishing for the impossible, but after six years in the spotlight, he often yearned for anonymity. Life would have been very different if they’d decided to keep the two sides of themselves separate.
They’d made their decision to go public so quickly. During a totally crazy time in their lives.
They had no choice to make the best of it now, but Jordan hadn’t paused to consider the many downsides at the time.
“Yep,” Jon agreed, letting out a long sigh. “That would be nice.”
They’d talked about it before, and he knew his brother felt the same.
No matter how many articles their mom wrote or how many interviews they did, they hadn’t been able to control the way people saw them. In the eyes of the world, first and foremost, they were Superman’s sons.
He was Superboy.
A Kryptonian.
A famous flying super hero.
At a certain point, he’d given up and stopped repeating that he was half-human and raised in Metropolis. No one cared about that. Those parts of himself weren’t a novelty.
No one was interested in Jordan Kent.
Being with Emma, before she knew, had been a breath of fresh air. She’d simply liked HIM.
Until he’d outed himself as a lair and destroyed it all.
“It was so nice just to feel human for a bit,” he confessed, wishing he could turn back time and go back, “There was no weirdness or distractions. She didn’t have any assumptions about who I am. We could just hang out and actually get to know each other properly.”
Nat blinked towards him contemplatively, “yeah, I can see how that would be a nice change,” she began slowly, “but even if you still had the big family secret, you’d have had to come clean eventually. Like your dad did with your mom. And hiding things has its downsides too, right?”
It was a fair point.
As wonderful and relaxed as the past few weeks at been, he’d also felt significant guilt and worry.
All the things he’d thought he wouldn’t have to deal with— fessing up, making lame excuses when he had to dash away, hoping she could accept how different he was— had loomed over him.
But after years of failed relationships where it was all out in the open, this had actually seemed better.
“I would have told her eventually,” Jordan said, “our dad told our mom after eight months. When he was sure she was the one.”
“And I guess that went okay?” Nat asked curiously.
“I think she was mostly annoyed at herself for not figuring it out, but yeah.”
“Probably because they’re the most ridiculously in love people ever,” Jon wrinkled his nose, but there wasn’t much actual annoyance behind the statement.
Growing up, they’d both been suitably grossed out by their parents’ PDAs. But the older he got, the more Jordan realized that they’d actually set a good standard for them to follow.
“I want what mom and dad have,” he confessed, mature enough to admit that nowadays.
He wanted someone who loved him unconditionally and accepted his weird quirks. He wanted someone who grounded him, and reminded him how human he was at his core. Just like his mom did for his dad.
He wanted someone who could see him underneath the alien superpowers and public persona.
For a few brief weeks, he’d felt like he’d had that.
But was it real if it had started under false pretences?
“Maybe I was fooling myself,” he sighed, “I thought I’d finally found that, but it started with a lie. So maybe I actually had nothing at all.”
Emma had thought she was going out with Jordan Elliot, an average graduate student working in his PhD in psychology.
And she had been, kind of. But also…not.
It was all a confusing mess in his mind. He probably should have been more sure of who he was at this point in his life but, the truth was, he wasn’t.
“They’d never put it that way, but mom and dad started with a lie too,” Jon pointed out, offering a small shrug. “They got past it. Obviously.”
Jon gestured back and forth between them, indicating that they were the clearest proof of that. Which, of course, they were.
Their weird hybrid selves existed because their mom hadn’t balked at the fact that their dad was from another planet, and they’d made it all work.
Though that thought made Jordan think about another element of all of this.
When they’d gone out last night, he hadn’t intended to tell Emma the truth. But after an amazing dinner at a little French Bistro, she’d suggested they head back to her place.
He’d sensed it was coming, and he’d wanted to, more than anything. But the thought of doing…that…under false pretences felt like a line he couldn’t cross.
He’d gone to her apartment, his pulse racing as he’d confessed that there was something they needed to talk about.
Then, he’d done it.
He’d told her that he was actually Jordan Kent, and he’d taken off the prescription-less glasses in a way that harkened back to his father on that fateful day nearly a decade ago.
The apologies and explanations had flowed out of him as she’d stared in stunned silence. She’d barely said a word and, when he’d asked if he should leave, she’d given a tearful nod.
That sight was still seared into the forefront of his mind, and he’d been checking his phone for any glimmer of communication since.
Jordan had no idea what to make of it all. Was she pissed that he’d lied? Grossed out by who he really was?
All of the fears and insecurities that had simmered within him since the age of fourteen were impossible to ignore. But he knew he couldn’t have kept moving forward, no matter how much he wanted to.
“She invited me to her place after dinner yesterday, I had to tell her before…you know,” he confessed, shifting in his chair as a blush rose on his cheeks.
“You’d been on eight dates and nothing had happened yet?” Nat asked, eyes widening slightly.
Jon scoffed.
“We were raised by Clark Kent. Trust me, that’s not weird by our standards,” his brother admitted. “Plus…”
Jon trailed off, a redness rising on his face as well. It wasn’t something they talked about much, even with Nat. But being them meant there were extra considerations.
“Plus what?” Nat pressed, never one to back down.
Jordan cleared his throat uncomfortably, picking up where Jon had left off.
“Consent is important, and we kinda need to make sure that people understand we’re different. I mean, we look human and everything,” he added hurriedly, somewhat mortified that this had even come up, “but a few quirky things can happen in the heat of the moment. Nothing dangerous! But a few flickers of red, a bit of floating, stuff like that.”
His heart rate sped up with the weird confession and, unsurprisingly, Nat’s face wrinkled with surprise and disgust.
“Eww, bro, over sharing!” she exclaimed, clearly not wanting to think about her half siblings in that sort of situation.
“Well, you asked,” Jordan muttered moodily, trying not to think about how much worse last night would have been if Emma had discovered the truth another way.
Jon looked at the ceiling, letting out a tense breath of his own.
“Urgh, fine,” Nat huffed. She paused before adding, “and I guess you also need to fess up in case anyone accidentally gets knocked up with one of your alien babies.”
She was clearly goading them on purpose, just to be a pain. Like she often did. And it worked.
“We’re not going to knock anyone up with alien babies,” Jon shot back, folding his arms defensively.
“Fine, part-alien babies,” Nat amended with a smirk.
Jordan rolled his eyes.
“We’re getting off track,” he asserted, unwilling to entertain that conversation any further. There was more than enough uncomfortableness to grapple with already. “I need to figure out what to do next,” he released a heavy sigh, “should I go over? Text her? Or is it totally hopeless?”
He hoped that the last statement wasn’t true, though he couldn’t hold off the crushing worry.
“Isn’t hope, like, your family motto or something? Jordan EL…liot.” Nat quipped.
“Actually, our family motto is ‘stronger together,’” Jon corrected quickly, “but yeah, I don’t think you should totally give up. It sounds like you had something real, even if you weren’t entirely honest. There’s a chance she’ll understand. Especially if you explain how weird and complicated our lives can be.”
Jordan wasn’t fully convinced, but he clung to that anyway. Hope truly was an integral part of who he was. And that was something he hadn’t hidden from Emma.
Maybe he could make her see that he hadn’t lied about the most important parts of who he was.
“Your dad pulled this off,” Nat noted again, cocking her head to the side thoughtfully, “you’ve already borrowed a few of his old tricks. Are there any more that might work?”
Jordan couldn’t hold back a snort, but as he paused to think about it, he realized that it wasn’t the worst idea.
He didn’t want to ‘trick’ Emma any more than he already had, but (hard as it was to admit), he’d had a pretty good example to learn from. Maybe there were a few things left that he could try.
“Oh my god, I’ve got it!” Jon suddenly exclaimed, sitting straighter in his seat as an idea struck. He leaned forward, eyes wide with excitement. “How much did you make tutoring last week?”
Jordan furrowed his brow in confusion. He wasn’t sure why his relatively small salary as a TA in the MetU phycology department was relevant to all of this, but he offered a response anyway.
“Uh, just over five hundred, why?”
“Perfect!” Jon exclaimed, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He quickly typed something into the search bar, then passed it over for Jordan to see.
The website for a place called Bridget’s Flower Boutique was displayed on the screen.
Jordan looked down in confusion.
“You think flowers will fix this?” he asked skeptically. It didn’t feel like enough to make up for the fact that he’d just confessed to being a famous half-alien superhero to a girl he really liked.
But Jon’s smile grew.
“Not just flowers. A week’s salary worth of flowers. On her balcony. It’s basically the first page of dad’s playbook.”
Jordan snorted again. They’d heard that story a million times. About how their dad had wooed back their mom with that big romantic gesture after eavesdropping with his super hearing.
It had worked then, and while there was no guarantee that it would work now, Jordan felt a surprising surge of excitement at the thought.
He was never going to tell his dad that he was using this move, but maybe it was worth a shot.
He truly was a hopeless romantic at heart.
“Flowers,” he repeated, mulling it over and he continued to glance down at the website. “Tons and tons of flowers.”
“You guys are ridiculous,” Nat interjected, shaking her head in amusement.
“We’re Clark Kent’s sons,” Jordan reminded her again, “it kinda goes with the territory.”
The older he got, the more he came to realize how much his father had shaped who he was. In ways that had nothing to do with Krypton or superpowers.
Maybe he could show Emma that.
Maybe he could prove that he hadn’t been covering up what mattered most.
Nat shook hear head again, “you’re totally gonna do it, aren’t you?”
Jordan caught his brother’s eye, and they shared a brief, hopeful smile.
“Yep,” he replied, the hope still surging within, “I totally am.”