Work Text:
It’s so loud
Is that music
It’s stuck in my head
Where are my headphones
Have to block it out
Too loud
Can’t stop thinking about it
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it
Why can’t I forget
…What’s that buzzing sound?
Akito peeked out from under his pillow, warily turning on his phone. As expected, Naginin–well, An–had sent him countless messages, and if he looked closer he could see a few from the other two mixed in between them. I really scared them, huh.
…Well, who wouldn’t be worried. I just ran out of there like some crazy person.
But to think we were really drawn here because of that…
A sharp pain bloomed inside his chest, prickly and cold. He irritably tossed his phone farther away, ignoring the constant stream of messages still flooding out of it. He would have to reply eventually, but for now he couldn’t stomach the thought. Just thinking about it drove him insane.
…RAD WEEKEND.
An saw RAD WEEKEND.
Her dad was one of the performers.
An Shiraishi…
It’s so obvious. Why didn’t I realize it sooner?
I can remember her face now, too.
She was always singing there.
And her dad…
He must be the Ken Shiraishi.
The one who…
He recalled the older man’s concern that night and shivered. Shit. I didn’t want to remember this.
It’s so lame.
I wish I could just scrub it from my memory.
Akito forced himself out from under the covers and grabbed his bottle, greedily drinking the little water left in it. His throat felt oddly dry–maybe he had just talked too much, or even thinking about singing made it feel the way it had that day. This sucks.
I want to forget.
He set the empty bottle aside and reluctantly picked up his phone again, sitting down at his desk. He typed out a short message to his group– “sorry for leaving so suddenly, I didn’t feel well” –and opened his latest song. I’m not gonna be able to sleep after that. Might as well get something useful done.
Akito worked until the sun had risen completely over the city, shivering as he imagined the beats of the livehouse filling his ears once more.
“Hey, why aren’t you using your mic?”
Aki: My throat’s a little sore today, so I don’t feel like it. Sorry.
“That’s fine,” Kohammie reassured. Her voice was tinged with clear concern. “But did something else happen, Aki? What did happen last night, anyway?”
“Did it have to do with the event Naginin mentioned?” Willow asked quietly.
Akito hesitated, fingers hovering his keyboard. How should he even go about trying to explain this?
“Oh, I couldn’t take a few assholes, so I ran away from street music.” Pathetic.
But I reacted to RAD WEEKEND…so I can’t pretend like I don’t know it.
Aki: Just remembered something I had to do.
“If you say so,” An relented. “But putting that aside, you saw RAD WEEKEND, didn’t you?”
Aki: So what if I did?
“No need to get so defensive! It was just a question,” she muttered. “I was just wondering why you acted like that.”
“We can discuss this later at the SEKAI, but for now, let’s get back to work,” Kohammie said gently before he had time to tell Naginin off for continuing to nag him. “Is it fine if we head back there again, Willow? It sounds like we’ve got a lot to work out.”
“...Of course.”
Aki: I have the song’s first draft ready, so let’s discuss the lyrics now.
“Oh, this sounds amazing,” Kohammi gushed, Naginin and Willow humming in agreement in the background. “Aki, how do you keep doing this?”
“Yeah! When did you even get this done? We started last night, didn’t we?”
“I imagine he was working late again,” Willow chided gently. “Aki, you really should get more rest. The song is amazing, though.”
Aki: Thank you.
“For this one, I’m thinking…a forest,” Kohammi decided. “A nice, thick one filled with big trees. The character is kind of wandering between them…how’s that sound, Aki?”
Aki: Sounds fine to me.
“I'll start working on the lyrics,” Willow said. “Anyone have any specific ideas? I have one, but I’d like to hear you all out.”
“None here.”
“We’ll leave it to you, Willow!”
Aki: I don’t have any suggestions. Feel free to go with what you think is best.
“Aki, your texts are way more formal than usual,” Naginin groaned. “You know we’ve been working together for like, a year, right? I can tell something’s wrong with you!”
“Naginin, don’t push him…”
Aki: Nothing’s wrong. If we’re going to meet up later we need to focus now. Let’s get this over with.
Nagini grumbled under her breath, but she let the matter slide at last. Akito listened to them discuss their ideas, wondering uneasily how he could get out of their meeting in SEKAI.
“So, we’ve got about an hour and a half until we usually stop working,” Kohammie spoke up. “Should we break and go to the SEKAI now?”
“Yeah! I’ve gotta do some stuff first, but I’m all for it!”
“I don’t mind. It shouldn’t take me too long to get ready”
Aki: We shouldn’t cut our work off like that.
“Dude, it could not be any more obvious you just don’t want to go.”
Aki: That’s not true.
“Then take a break and join us already!”
Aki: Nuh uh.
“Don’t you ‘nuh uh’ me! Look, I get that it’s creepy there, but we’ve gotta figure out more about it!”
“Aki, please join us,” Willow said sternly. “From what I can tell, we need to learn more about that place and what Miku means about our ‘feelings.’ Besides, if that ‘RAD WEEKEND’ Naginin mentioned truly was instrumental in creating the SEKAI, we need to discuss it more.”
Hearing him say the name out loud felt like cold water being poured down his back, but Akito couldn’t deny his logic. He could only come up with so many excuses, after all.
And…
"It started...differently."
His stomach rolled uncomfortably at the thought.
"It was a happy place full of all kinds of things. But...it withered over time. I thought...I was going to disappear."
The SEKAI had been different, if Miku was right. Bigger. Brighter. Happier.
It had fallen apart, and he didn’t have to be a detective to work out that whatever had happened, it was probably his fault. If it had been created by him seeing RAD WEEKEND, then clearly his running away had dealt a critical blow–deep enough to rob it of its color.
And since he’d had a hand in bringing the SEKAI to the sad state it was in, he had to help fix it however he could.
Aki: Alright. I’ll see you there in thirty minutes.
But this time, he would prepare himself appropriately.
Armed with clean, comfortable clothes, his phone and a thermos filled with hot tea, Akito checked to ensure that the last of the lozenge he’d popped into his mouth had completely dissolved before pressing play on Untitled. His room faded out of view, leaving him standing in the SEKAI again.
By some stroke of luck, he’d appeared somewhere all by himself. He took a moment to take a few deep breaths, taking a sip of his tea. Alright.
I have to stay calm this time.
I ran away last time because I got caught by surprise, but if I do it again they’ll get suspicious.
…An will definitely want to ask me about that event.
I probably can’t get out of answering.
I just have to remember to keep my cool and tell them the basics without giving away too much.
He glanced around, searching for some sign of the other three. He spotted Miku in the distance, gazing at the area around her as if searching for something. She must be looking for me.
I’d better get over there.
“Hey, Miku,” he greeted once he’d gotten close enough, watching her perk up slightly when she noticed him. “Is everyone here now?”
“Yes. They asked me to lead you to where they’re at when you arrived,” she answered, getting to her feet and dusting off her dress. “Are you ready now?”
Akito nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”
He trailed after her for a few minutes until he could see the other three sitting together in the same spot as yesterday, talking amongst themselves. “Oh, hey!” An greeted when she spotted him, a cheery grin on her face. “Took you long enough!”
Akito rolled his eyes at her as he sat down in one of the two remaining empty chairs, Miku taking the last. “Shut up.”
“Are you alright, Akito?” Kohane asked softly. “We’re sorry for pressuring you to come…”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s get this over with.”
“So,” Toya started with a glance at Miku. She nodded, prompting him to continue. “From what Miku says, this SEKAI…well, somehow our feelings created it. Or rather, something–likely An seeing that event–created it.”
“It wasn’t just me!” An pressed. “Akito, you saw it too, right? Don’t try to lie about it! It’s obvious you’ve at least heard about it!”
Four pairs of eyes landed on him, each clearly curious in their own way. He took a moment to sip his tea before quietly clearing his throat. “Yeah. I saw R…the event.”
“I knew it!” she screeched.
“An,” Kohane urged, glancing nervously between them. “Try to rein it in a little.”
“Fine, fine. Okay! Next question,” An declared. “Why did you run away when we brought it up yesterday?”
Akito held direct eye contact with her as he took another sip of his tea, determined not to reveal any of the fear that had driven him away before. “I just had to take care of something. That’s all.”
The unimpressed look she gave him was so filled with disdain it was practically a weapon. “Akito, you can’t seriously expect us to believe that.”
He shrugged. “It’s the truth.”
She sighed. “Can we at least agree that between the two of us, seeing it was probably what created the SEKAI?”
“...Yeah,” he answered. “It was.”
It felt like someone had given me another chance.
When I watched the three of them sing on that stage, I thought ‘what if I gave that a try? What if I could be even greater than them?’
It was useless, of course, but it was fun for a couple of years.
“Alright. So you two seeing RAD WEEKEND definitely helped create the SEKAI. That much is clear,” Toya said calmly. “Where do me and Kohane come in? We never saw the event.”
Everyone looked to Miku for an answer. All she gave them was a shrug and a tiny smile. “I don’t know what drew any of you here, but the SEKAI knew you were connected,” was all she said. “I’m sure it brought the four of you together for a reason.”
“That’s not very helpful,” Kohane murmured quietly. “I suppose we just won’t understand it no matter what.”
“It could be because we make music together,” An pointed out. “Akito…well, you put a little bit of ‘RAD WEEKEND’ into that first song of yours, didn’t you?”
He nodded. He wasn’t really surprised she’d noticed–heck, it was probably what had made it stick out to her in the first place. “I could remember a few songs, so I tried putting the notes I memorized there.”
She nodded like she was satisfied. “When I first heard it, I instantly knew you must’ve seen it,” she explained. “And…it hit close to home, I guess. I remembered everything, and…” Her eyes darkened slightly. “But I knew. And that was what I liked about it.”
“Maybe me and Toya were brought here because of the song?” Kohane offered. “If An and Akito’s feelings created this place, then they also must’ve reached us and sort of…” She gestured vaguely with her hands as though she was describing some kind of bubble. “...included us. You said you don’t know much, but does that sound right, Miku?”
That’s right. Didn’t Miku say that when I first came here?
She was singing my song, and when I asked her about it, she said she knew because it was a part of Toya’s feelings.
It really must've helped the SEKAI somehow.
Huh.
The Virtual Singer bobbed her head, smiling in Akito’s direction. “I believe that was what led you two here, yes.”
…It really did.
It’s kind of amazing.
“So we’ve got that figured out,” Akito said, screwing the cap back on his thermos and putting it on the ground (geez, he was going to drink it all before ten minutes were up. How did other people make beverages last longer than 30 seconds?). “Me and An helped create the SEKAI, my music drew you two in and roped everyone into it for good. Is that right?”
“Sounds like it!”
“Then what changed the SEKAI?” Toya asked.
Quiet fell over the group, heavy and a little uncomfortable. Akito wasn’t sure as he was doing the same, but it felt as though everyone was avoiding eye contact with each other.
If the SEKAI was created by me and An seeing RAD WEEKEND…
…it really must be my fault.
There’s no way around it.
“Our feelings changed,” An repeated. “That’s what Miku said last night, right?”
Kohane nodded nervously. “Yes.”
“What does that mean, then? Our feelings, like whatever feelings created this place? Did what we wanted back then change? What kind of feelings could’ve done this?”
“I…I don’t know,” Kohane mumbled, shrinking back slightly. An had unintentionally raised both her voice and its intensity a little, which was likely what had frightened her. “Maybe…I don’t know.”
It’s my fault.
I bet it is.
If the SEKAI was created from me and An seeing RAD WEEKEND, it must’ve fallen apart after I quit.
I should tell them.
That I’m probably the reason it’s like this.
…But I can’t.
“Why don’t you tell us what this ‘RAD WEEKEND’ was, anyway?” Toya suggested when the silence had stretched on for too long. “It’s come up a few times now, but no one has explained what it is. It’s clearly important, so would you mind giving us some information to work with? Maybe we can get closer to unraveling this if we do.”
“Can you two explain what it was like?” Kohane asked with a little nod of agreement.
I don’t want to.
But I don’t think I have a choice.
Maybe if she’s willing, though, I can let An talk.
There’s a chance I don’t have to say anything.
“It was an absolutely legendary street music event. Nothing could even come close to topping it,” An answered. A small glimmer was in her eyes, and at her words he could almost hear the wild cheers and screams from that night again. “My dad and his teammates gathered all of their friends and put everything they had into it. I was used to seeing amazing music since I followed them everywhere, but it…it was the best thing I’d ever seen.”
She was almost leaning out of her chair, clearly eager to explain further. “It’s like–well, it’s hard to picture if you haven’t ever seen a street performance like theirs before. Just think of the most excited you’ve ever been, and imagine standing in front of a little stage with you and everyone around you having the best time of your lives. The music is loud, so loud it’s pounding in your chest like your heartbeat, and you’re so close to the performers you can see them smiling just as brightly as you are.”
She demonstrated, pulling the corners of her mouth up in a wide grin. It was oddly contagious, and Akito felt an answering smile tug faintly at his mouth despite the weight hanging above him.
“RAD WEEKEND was like that, but like… way bigger,” An finished. “It was so hot in there, and everyone was just as excited as I was. The thought that I was lucky enough to get to see something so amazing was just…” She trailed off. “I don't really know how to describe it.”
“Wow,” Kohane said softly. “That…I wish I could have seen something as beautiful as that.”
“Me, too,” Toya agreed. There was an odd wistfulness in his voice. “It really does sound amazing.”
It was.
His chest felt hollow, like its contents had been carved out and dumped in some forsaken junkyard long ago.
It meant so much to me.
It felt like breathing again.
I felt like it was okay to keep living as long as I had something to truly devote myself to.
Something I could risk my life for, something I would never give up on no matter what happened along the way.
Something I could remember without shame even if everyone else laughed at me.
I thought I’d finally found it.
But I threw it away.
…I don’t want to be here right now.
If I hear another word about this I’m going to break.
Finally too tired to continue this discussion any further, Akito silently picked up his tea thermos and got to his feet. Everyone looked up as he did, varying levels of dismay on their faces. “Nuh uh!” An insisted, quickly standing upright as though she intended to force him down into his chair again. “Sit back down! You can’t keep ducking out like this, Akito! We have to work this out or–”
He shook his head, throat unusually tight. “Sorry. Gotta go.”
“Aki–!”
Untitled stopped playing, and he was back in his own room.
This is so dumb.
They’re going to be angry at me again.
And that’s fair. Having someone who refuses to work with you is annoying.
But I don’t want to hear anything about RAD WEEKEND.
I want to shut it out completely.
…Ugh. Why did it have to be the thing that created the SEKAI?
I wish I could forget it entirely.
He dropped into his chair, staring at his phone. Already it was lighting up, buzzing like an angry wasp as text after text assailed him. I’m never going to get any peace.
Annoyed, he silenced his phone and tossed it onto his bed, intent on seriously blocking them out until he was ready to face them again.
When that was, he didn’t know, but at the moment he didn’t care.
“So…can we meet in the SEKAI tonight?”
“My mom is coming over to help me clean,” Akito answered on autopilot, eyes fixed on his screen. He was so close to finishing this demo. “I don’t have time.
“That’s what you said yesterday,” Naginin said impatiently. “Aki, you could at least try to not use the same excuse twice.”
“Why do I have to have an excuse, anyway?” he retorted, wondering half-heartedly whether or not to just mute her and continue working as usual. “That place is creepy. I don’t feel like spending more time there than I have to.”
“You were fine with it until you learned it was connected to that event,” Willow said unexpectedly. “Why?”
Maybe I should mute them both.
No. That’s rude.
But I wish they’d leave me alone.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t like going there now, so quit bothering me about it.”
“But Miku said we had to find our true feelings or something,” Naginin persisted. “Come on, man! It’s creepy, yeah, but it’s not so bad once you get used to it. Why do you hate going there so much?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Naginin, Willow, let’s just leave him be,” Kohammie suggested meekly. “We can meet there ourselves, right? Like we have been the past few nights?”
“This is a group thing, Kohammie. We can’t have a proper group meeting with one of our members being stubborn, and he hasn’t met us there in a week, ” Naginin snapped, her voice sharper than usual.
The last of Kohammie’s arguments died immediately, and she mumbled a quiet apology. “Ah, I didn’t mean to sound mad at you. At either of you, really,” Naginin added guiltily. “But Aki, this is important. We have this strange SEKAI for a reason, and if it can help us figure out what we seem to be missing, shouldn’t we be spending as much time there as possible?”
“I agree with her,” Willow chimed. His voice was oddly firm. “I didn’t really care as much at first, but Miku says it’s what we need to do. And I’m curious to learn more about our ‘true feelings,’ whatever those are. Naginin says parts of the SEKAI look like the place RAD WEEKEND was held at, and that’s probably some sort of clue. I’m sure that if you were helping us, we could find out more about how and why it fell apart.”
“What about you, Kohammie?”
“I…I, uh…”
Kohammie took a deep breath. “I think…it’s for the best if we meet up and try to work more out together,” she admitted. “I’m sorry, Aki, but it really is what we should do. Miku just seems so desperate, and I’m sure the feelings she wants us to find are important. And…if we can find the reason the SEKAI ‘withered,’ maybe there’s a chance we can help it change again?”
“Please, Aki,” Willow pressed. There seemed to be a genuine plea in his voice for once. “Please come to the SEKAI.”
A beat passed, and for once all was silent.
Akito couldn’t believe he considered it for even a second.
“Someone’s calling me,” he lied. “I have to go.”
“Oh, come on! Didn’t you say you lived alo–?!”
He shut down Discord before Naginin could finish her sentence.
I don’t want to see it.
It’s too familiar, especially now that I know the SEKAI was created because of that.
All those flyers…the graffiti, even the walls…
I don’t want to see it.
He studied his music sheet for their newest song, deciding that the bridge looked like it needed a revision. Yeah. It doesn’t look as good as it did yesterday.
I should rewrite it.
Now, where did I put my picks?
Ugh, I can’t stop losing them.
I really need to find a better place to put them…
“Akito?”
He turned, guitar in hand, at the sound of his name. His phone was glowing a bright shade of blue from where it lay on his bed, other colors drifting in and out of the light. To his utter surprise Miku was standing on top of it, looking awkward and small amid the darkness of his room. “Wh–Miku? Since when have you been able to do that?”
“Since Untitled appeared on all of your phones. I just haven’t had to do it for you yet,” she answered. “Won’t you come and talk with everyone?”
He couldn’t help the small scowl that spread across his face. “No. I have work to do. Toya should be fine since the girls are there, won’t he?”
She hesitated. “Well, he won’t be alone, but…”
“Good. I don’t see the problem.”
“No. This is important. You have to work together to find your true feelings. If you don’t–”
“I don’t care,” he said harshly, leaning his guitar against his chair and returning to his search. “They can sit there and try and puzzle out the SEKAI all day if they want, but I’m going to focus on what I actually have left. I don’t want to start chasing after those feelings again. Understood?”
The Virtual Singer’s eyes were sad as she stared at him from across the room, shaking her head. “Akito, you have to try. If you can find them again, then maybe you’ll be able to try–”
“Save it. I don’t want to hear it.”
“But–”
“I said no. I’m done thinking about R…that event anymore. I wasn’t cut out for it, and I never will be, so I don’t want to bother dreaming about it anymore. This…” He hesitated as he glanced back at his computer, but he forced the words out. “This is what I can devote myself to now. I don’t want or need anything else.”
“Aki–”
Unable to stand listening to her trying to plead with him any longer, Akito grabbed his phone off the bed and set it on the shelf towards the back of his closet. Miku’s protests instantly quieted, and he had to fight the urge to open the door and listen to her more.
I don’t need this.
He didn’t want to think about that time at all.
And if Miku and the SEKAI were just going to be his constant living reminders that he was a pathetic coward who’d given up on everything he loved twice, then he would just have to work harder to shut them out.
Yes. That’s right.
There’s no point in overthinking it or dreaming about singing again.
I can't afford to run away.
Soccer, street music, everything else…
Making music like this is all I have left.
I can’t lose it, too.
…Oh, here they are.
He picked up his guitar and proceeded to run through what he already had, pushing aside the guilt rising in his chest.
The next day Akito actually left the house, but only to get away from Discord and any reminder of the SEKAI. While his room was more comfortable than any other place in the world–with the added bonus of being able to work in peace–being in there for too long was starting to make him nervous. First his family’s house, then the SEKAI where he’d relaxed with Toya, and now his own house–nowhere seemed to be safe anymore. It was beginning to wear on him.
So (not without a great deal of reluctance) he’d changed into nicer clothing and headed outside. He’d left his phone at home as he didn’t want to risk Miku popping up on it and lecturing him again, and while it was nice to be pestered by his groupmates sometimes, he was having a hard time giving in to their demands.
Plus, it was good to take the tiniest of breaks every now and then.
He sighed as he studied the menu in front of him, scanning the many pancake options. They’ve got chocolate sauce, fresh fruit, syrup…
There’s so much to choose from.
I haven't had anything seriously sweet in a while, so I should take it easy or I’ll get sick.
…I really should be getting out more.
I haven’t had any good pancakes in a while.
Lately he’d just been buying pancake mix from the store near his house and lazily frying them up when he felt like eating more than yogurt and energy drinks, but they were nothing like the ones he’d eaten nearly every day with his sister back in elementary and middle school. It made him oddly sad to think about.
Maybe I should order something more extravagant.
After all, I doubt I’ll be back here any time soon.
The server came and went. Akito waited as patiently as he could, wishing he’d just caved and brought his phone. I’ve got nothing to do but sit and wait.
He settled for gazing out the window as he sipped his water. It was a nice day, and as summer break had started just the other day he could see a ton of teenagers in casual clothes passing by, each likely on their way to some fun activity with their friends. The atmosphere outside was fun and lively, and it was more than a little lonely.
…I wish I hadn’t quit soccer.
The thought was unexpected. Why was he thinking about soccer right now, of all the things to be worrying over?
It gradually clicked as he watched a group of younger boys run by the window, all laughing and shoving each other. He’d always been alone when he visited Vivid Street, both because he hadn’t bothered to make any connections and because his “lone wolf” attitude had warded away many potential allies. He didn’t think he regretted that, at least, but…
Me, Shota and the others…we were so close.
When we played soccer together, we felt like we were unstoppable because we had each other.
Until we weren’t.
…I wonder if I should’ve kept trying.
Maybe if I hadn’t given up that day, I could’ve one day gotten close to the other team’s level, and maybe even higher.
I’ll never know now, though.
It’s too late.
His pancakes came, and Akito tucked in without much enthusiasm.
All was quiet when he opened his front door.
Akito headed up the stairs to his room, somehow unsurprised when he saw Miku standing on top of his phone again. She just doesn’t quit.
When will she understand?
I don’t want anything to do with that place.
“Don’t,” she said as he approached his desk, standing up a little straighter. She looked unusually serious today. “Don’t hide your phone again, please.”
He snorted. “Are you going to go on and on about my ‘true feelings’ and how I have to find them?”
“It’s important,” Miku insisted. “You have to come to the SEKAI.”
“This again? I said I didn’t want to go.”
“Akito,” she pleaded. He thought he heard a hint of real urgency in her tone. “I mean it. Something’s changed. I’ve tried to get the other three, too, but…”
Akito’s anger was slowly replaced with concern. She did sound worried, so he doubted she was here for anything else. “What’s wrong with them?”
“An was in a cafe. I couldn’t get her attention. Kohane was somewhere loud, and her phone was in her bag, and Toya…his phone was somewhere I didn’t recognize. I don’t think he has it on him.”
“What about his laptop?” he asked, trying to beat back his unease. “Was he not using it?”
Miku shook her head. “No. He doesn’t really at this time of the day, anyway…right?”
“No, he doesn’t,” Akito agreed, trying to ignore his unease. He usually has his phone, though, right?
Maybe he’s just busy with practice.
Anyway, that’s not why she called me.
The SEKAI…
“...Do I really have to go over there?”
“Please,” she repeated. “Something is different.”
I don’t have a choice, do I?
“First, promise me no one else is there. I’m not in the mood to be lectured.”
She nodded. “No one else is there, I swear.”
“Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll be right there.”
…Okay, he hadn’t quite been expecting this.
Akito stared in shock at the SEKAI, taking in all that lay before him. “This…”
It was, if possible, grayer than before, and half the flyers that dotted the crumbling brick wall beside him were gone. The others had dimmed and blurred like someone had dipped them in water, nearly bleeding the colors out entirely, and the graffiti behind them was faded and blotchy. It was a depressing sight.
What is this?
It wasn’t like this the last time I was here. And no one has said anything about it being like this.
When did it happen?
And why?
“You’re here,” Miku called from behind him. He turned to see her hurrying towards him, baggy sleeves fluttering in the nonexistent wind. “I was taking a walk and happened to find this place. It was like this when I got here.”
“What happened?” Akito asked, unable to tear his eyes away. “Those flyers were so colorful before, and now they’re almost gray like everything else. Why? Do you even know?”
She was quiet. “I think I do,” she said at last. “But…you might not want to hear it.”
“...It’s because of me, isn’t it?”
“Not completely,” Miku corrected. “There’s more I have to see, and I don’t think it’s entirely because of you, but…”
He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to continue.
“You entering the SEKAI and visiting with Toya didn’t change anything,” she explained. “You weren’t trying to discover your feelings, and neither was he, so the SEKAI didn’t respond to that. Still, it wasn’t in…it didn’t seem like it was going to change for the worst.
“But you’ve been rejecting this SEKAI since you learned what created it. I think something may be wrong on the others’ ends, but that seems to be the main cause.”
Akito gazed at the faded flyers, listening for the first time since he’d left the SEKAI.
“You say that you’re fine doing what you’re doing now, but you aren’t. You’re still stuck,” Miku continued. “They’re all the same. Toya…he’s been colder lately, even before you stopped meeting them in the SEKAI. An and Kohane, too. The four of you are all living out your lives the wrong way. None of you are really happy, and none of the feelings you have are your ‘true feelings.’”
“...Huh.”
“All of that…all four of your emotions are affecting the SEKAI, and parts of it are beginning to get weaker. If this keeps up…”
The Virtual Singer didn’t finish, but he could see the fear in her eyes. If this was allowed to continue, the SEKAI would disappear, taking her with it.
And what would happen to them?
We’d be fine. We have Discord.
We could meet up without it. We don’t need magic to get together.
Miku would…
She would be gone.
And we’d all live with that.
He felt as though he was standing on a glass bridge, so delicate it might shatter if he dared to take a single step. It wasn’t a nice feeling at all.
I don’t want to go back.
I want to keep standing in place, forever. It’s nice.
But it’s not working anymore. I could pretend everything was fine while I didn’t have to think about RAD WEEKEND or singing, but now that I know more about the SEKAI, I’ll never be able to let go.
I could shut out the SEKAI permanently, even quit talking to the others in Discord if I had to. There’s ways to hide a little longer.
If I seriously cut the connection between us, though, I’d never be the same.
I still remember everything I regret giving up on. Soccer, street music, everything I’ve ever run away from because I couldn’t handle it…
If I add my groupmates–my friends –to that list…
I’ll have nothing to keep me alive.
There won’t be anything left for me to do but die.
Akito impulsively stepped forward and set his hand on the flyers pinned together on the wall, smoothing them out and taking a good look at them for the first time since entering the SEKAI. The colors were desaturated to the point of barely being visible, but he could make out the text scrawled across them. ‘RAD WEEKEND…’
These are the flyers they hung up so long ago.
Heh. As soon as the event finished, every single one was taken down. There wasn’t even a single one left for a souvenir.
…I probably would’ve just thrown it out, anyway.
I don’t have anything left from those days.
Something so precious would’ve only ended up in the trash.
The flyer scrunched up as his fingers clenched together. Akito leaned his forehead against the wall, allowing the little tears he’d been holding back to slip down his face. I miss it.
I wish I hadn’t quit.
I wish I hadn’t let them make me quit.
I wish I had kept singing.
Miku carefully came up beside him, peeking at him from underneath his arm. She looked concerned. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.”
“...Can you tell me why you quit singing?”
He was faintly surprised. “You know about that?”
She nodded. “I know that you were a street singer, and that this ‘RAD WEEKEND’ is what made you choose that path. I just don’t know why you stopped.” A cloud passed over her face. “I don't know enough about you, or anybody. But…”
Miku put her own hand out and traced the letters on the flyer. Akito could’ve sworn a sparkle of color followed her fingertip, desperately chasing it as though hoping not to fade away. The way it disappeared when she pulled back made him slightly sad. “If I learn more about the feelings you all have now, maybe I can help you discover your true feelings. That’s what I hope, at least. It won’t be so easy.
“So, will you tell me?”
He hated himself for it, but he shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I don’t think I can do that yet.”
I don’t even want to think about it.
I wish the memories would disappear.
I wish I could disappear.
But they can’t.
And neither can I.
Not yet, at least.
“That’s okay,” she reassured with a smile. “You don’t have to right now. But please…save them. Don’t let this SEKAI disappear.”
…That’s going to be harder than it sounds.
Even if I somehow master my own demons, we would still have to get through to get through to everyone else. An, Kohane, Toya…each of them are here for a reason. Their feelings have helped make this SEKAI so gray and sad. And while I don’t know much, I can guess that it takes something big to do that.
We’re all stuck living the wrong way.
“I’ve never thought of myself as someone who could save others,” Akito said at last. “Why do you want me to save them?”
“Because you’re the one that reached them,” she replied simply. “This SEKAI…it fell apart, and I thought the four of you would be gone before I even got the chance to meet you. But somehow, it kept living. Just like you four, it continued to survive. And it’s thanks to that first song you wrote so long ago.”
To be honest, Akito barely thought about that song anymore.
It was pathetic compared to what he could write now–its composition was trash as he’d not been that great of a guitar player, its title was half-assed and short, and he cringed whenever he remembered the lyrics. They were overly sad and droopy and sappy, and he hated to even think about them. The fact that he’d displayed the contents of his own heart so openly felt gross.
What had he wanted? To get someone’s pity? To make someone feel better?
But somehow, it had reached the three people he hadn’t even known he’d needed to meet. It was so important to them that Miku knew it.
It had saved them.
So maybe it wasn’t such a bad song after all.
“I don’t know if I can do it.”
Akito chewed his lip as he looked at the flyers again, carefully smoothing it out. He had a brief impulse to take one back but let it go.
“But...I can try.”
I don’t want them to disappear.
This is the one thing I have left.
I can’t let it go.
I absolutely can’t.