Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Evan Buckley woke up with the sound of his alarm, the sound simply too chipper for his sleep-muddled brain and reached out to shut it down. If he was a little violent with it, it was between himself and his cat Demon who was perched up on the bed watching him with perceptive eyes, head tilted slightly to the side, looking at him as if he was simply not impressed with Buck today. And, honestly, Buck wasn’t impressed with himself either. Last night, he had a wine night with Maddie, got drunk and now he was not ready to face the day like the responsible adult he was supposed to be. It apparently got a lot harder to bounce back from a wine night in your early thirties. How fun.

Lying back down, staring at the ceiling, Buck considered the necessity of getting up and working, of doing something, anything. The truth was, he didn’t have to. He had enough money to last him a lifetime so he could very well stay here forever, spending the rest of his days in comfortable stillness. But a long time ago, he made a decision: he needed to keep himself busy.

Living without structure never worked for him. Routine and normalcy were his anchors after years of chaos. Not just the chaos of his childhood but the one that followed him well into his twenties, until he thought he'd finally found something solid. A family. A reason to wake up in the morning. That didn’t last of course like many things in his life didn’t.

He wasn’t resentful, not really. There would always be moments of quiet sadness, a flicker of longing when he saw a fire truck or heard about a rescue. Being a firefighter was part of him now, woven into his identity whether he still wore the uniform or not. But he’d also come to accept that some things simply weren’t meant to be. And that was okay. What he did know was that he needed something. Staying in bed, wasting the day away... It wasn’t an option. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

One foot in front of the other.

Because getting here, being okay with that loss, hadn’t been easy. And it wasn’t just a job he lost; it was a family. The 118 had been exactly that for him. He’d started his career as a firefighter while still fighting so many inner battles that he barely had space to see the world beyond himself, beyond the loneliness that had consumed him for so long. He’d felt invisible, as if no one saw him, cared for him, or even considered him worthy of love. But Buck pulled himself out of that pit. Brick by brick, he built a life; falling, failing, and getting up again so many times he was sure he’d end up nothing but bruises. And yet, he kept going. He kept searching for connections, reaching for something more. And in doing so, he found his family.

Maddie came back, and they rebuilt what they had lost, forging a bond that had once seemed broken beyond repair. Hen and Chim became the older siblings he never knew he needed. And Bobby? Bobby was something more. Maybe the catalyst that set everything in motion, the one who gave him a chance and pushed him in the right direction when he needed it most.

Realistically, he knew it wasn’t all Bobby, but he would never deny how meeting the right person could drastically change the trajectory of one’s life. Right people in his case so he was grateful for them and the support they gave him. They challenged him, pushed him to action when it was needed but they were also gentle with him. The incident that ended his firefighting career, thankfully, hadn’t damaged his relationships with them as much as it could have. It had done some damage, he wouldn’t deny that but they had found their way back to each other. That’s what real families did apparently.

It was actually the 118 who convinced him to accept the settlement and start a new life instead of pushing his body further and hurting himself even more. They had been touched, deeply, when they realized he had planned to refuse the money just to get back to work. There were tears, hugs, and apologies. And some serious conversations, too. But at the end of the day, Buck knew they were right. He knew the right decision was to take the money and walk away. But convincing his heart of what his brain already understood? That was the hardest part. So he thought long and hard about it, day and night, and in the end, reluctantly, he had to accept the truth.

Plus, they hadn’t been lying when they promised they would still be a family. Buck still saw all of them regularly; Sunday dinners, barbecues, picnics, birthdays, and all kinds of special occasions. They visited regularly and Buck did too. So, yes, things hadn’t worked out the way he had hoped, and they were certainly different.

But Buck had learned that different wasn’t always so bad after all.

***

It was almost 7:30 when he finally dragged himself out of bed and started getting ready for work. These days, his mornings followed a pretty standard routine: twenty minutes of morning pages, recommended stretches, a shower, checking on Demon and a light breakfast. He had picked up the morning pages habit after his therapist recommended it. He’d told her once that his mind refused to quiet down, that he needed the quiet, and she had suggested giving it a try, to start the day with a “clean slate.” And it had done wonders for him.

Now, four years later, it was an essential part of his mornings. So, as soon as he woke up, before doing anything else, Buck grabbed his notebook and started writing. He wrote whatever came to mind—no plan, no outline. That was the whole point of the exercise. Some days, he wrote about how much he didn’t want to do this (especially at the beginning). Other times, he wrote about his daily routine or even his cat. But sometimes, without realizing it, he drifted away from the mundane and into deeper things.

So, while the morning pages sometimes felt boring and repetitive, there were days when they led to something real. Some days, they were simply enlightening.

So he filled the pages, tore them out, and threw them away immediately, as he always did. Some people kept theirs, but Buck didn’t want to treat this like journaling. He preferred to let the thoughts out and then let them go.

Afterward, he checked on Demon, who was comfortably lounging. Buck gave him fresh water and food before leaving him be for a while. He’d come back later to pick him up and take him downstairs for some interaction and playtime.

Quietly closing the door of his small apartment, he headed down the stairs that led to his shop: Cuddle and Quill.

The name had actually come from Maddie.

She had been cuddling Demon while Buck was frantically trying to clean up before opening the shop. Everything was a mess, and he had been running around like a madman on a random Tuesday, only to look over and see Maddie, completely at ease, Demon sprawled out in her lap, looking like nothing in the world could disturb them.

So, being the younger brother he was, Buck had teased her, asking whether she’d come to help or just to cuddle his cat. Maddie, without missing a beat, had grinned and said she was clearly there for the cuddles and that his future customers would be too. She had even suggested making Demon the shop’s mascot. From there, the idea took off. They had briefly considered naming the shop after Demon, but… well, that didn’t exactly scream peaceful bookshop. So they settled on Cuddle as a nod to the cat and warmth of the space, then added Quill after searching for something cute that tied into books and writing.

***

Buck had two employees; one full-time and the other part-time, since she was a college student. Amy was in her twenties, petite, and pretty much the embodiment of the word nerd. She was always reading something, usually fantasy or fanfiction, and she wore blue glasses along with an endless rotation of fandom merch. She was also the one who got Buck into The Wheel of Time series, which, in his opinion, was the best thing ever. That alone made him glad he had met her. But beyond that, Amy had become a good friend. It was probably her second week on the job when they first talked about personal stuff, and from that moment on, the conversations had never really stopped. Technically, as the owner, Buck knew he was supposed to keep things professional but after two years of working together, they were well past that point.

And then there was Clara, Buck’s other employee, the part timer; a 19-year-old literature major with big dreams of either becoming a writer or opening her own shop someday. Compared to Amy, Clara had a more subtle personality. She was reserved, quieter, but Buck quickly learned that once you got to know her, she was just as great. She spent most of her free time either reading classics or hanging out with her girlfriend, Tara. Buck still remembered the massive crush Clara had on Tara back when she was just a customer, coming in to browse. Normally composed and collected, Clara turned into a stuttering, nervous mess the second Tara walked through the door. Naturally, Buck and Amy relentlessly teased her for it. But they also encouraged her especially when Clara doubted whether she was good enough for Tara.

And Buck was glad they had, because if he said so himself, they made an adorable couple.

Young love, Buck thought, smiling to himself as he moved down the stairs. It was his turn to open the shop, so he unlocked the back door and stepped inside, flicking on the lights. The early January morning was still cloaked in partial darkness, the town just beginning to stir. After checking that everything was in order, he stepped outside through the front door, taking in the quiet street.

Cuddle & Quill was situated in the heart of Maple Hollow, a town that looked exactly like what one would imagine when picturing a small, picturesque place tucked away from the chaos of the world. It was close enough to LA so Buck and his family could make the trip without much hassle. Maddie, especially, loved the tranquility of the place and visited as often as she could. Chim, on the other hand, wasn’t exactly sold on the small-town aesthetic, but he did love the pie from the local diner. Buck also knew Maddie had been considering moving to Maple Hollow one day. She talked about it often enough, saying it would be the ideal place for Jee to grow up. But realistically, he figured it would be at least another five years before that happened, given their lives in LA.

Sure, if he had stayed in the city, he would have seen his family more. But after he quit, he needed a change; he needed something different, something new, some room to breathe and heal his wounds.

Bobby had known that. He had understood what Buck was searching for, even when Buck didn’t quite have the words for it. So, he had suggested Maple Hollow. And it had only taken Buck five minutes of looking at pictures of the town to make his decision. What would he do once he got there? That had been a mystery.

But it hadn’t taken long to find his calling.

***

It happened two weeks after he made the decision to move.

He was in the middle of evaluating his options, walking through a busy street, when he saw it; the cutest bookshop he had ever laid eyes on. Tucked between two other shops, it radiated warmth and a quiet, welcoming charm. Without thinking, Buck stepped forward, pushed open the heavy door, and walked inside.

And just like that, he was entranced.

He spent hours there, not just browsing but talking with the owner, soaking in every detail of the space. By the time he left, he had the beginnings of an idea forming in his mind. It wasn’t like he wasn’t already an avid reader. And the thought of being surrounded by books, of running a space where people could come together over stories felt right.

Of course, it wouldn’t be all cozy vibes and endless reading. Running a business was hard work, and Buck was fully aware that what people saw on the surface wasn’t the same as what happened behind the scenes. But he liked research. And soon enough, he threw himself into everything business. For the next six months, he learned everything he could about managing a shop; taking courses, reading endlessly, and asking questions to anyone and everyone willing to answer. It was an intense, packed six months.

But by the end of it, he had at least the basic skills to keep a business afloat.

The next step was figuring out the move; finding a place for both himself and his shop. That part turned out to be relatively easy when, by sheer luck, he stumbled upon both at the same time.

The space had previously been a café, but the owner had left town after her husband passed away, moving to the city to be with her daughter and grandchildren. Buck immediately liked the idea of living right above his workplace. It would be practical and exactly the kind of setup he didn’t know he’d been looking for. So, within a week, he was all moved in and ready to get to work on transforming the shop into something of his own.

***

It took some time for Buck to get familiar with the locals and for them to get comfortable with him. Maple Hollow was a tight-knit community where everyone knew everyone. They weren’t unfriendly towards newcomers but they were at least a little cautious.

It wasn’t until about three months after his arrival that Buck truly started to feel like part of the town. And it was a good feeling. It was different from LA, where the big-city rush left people moving all the time but never really connecting. Here, he saw the same faces every day. He made small talk, asked about their families, and they asked about his shop, his sister and friends in LA, sometimes even stopping by just to check in. People cared about each other here. He could see it in the way they looked out for their own. It made something warm spread through his chest, knowing it included him now too.

He got dinner invitations, homemade meals, and locals dropping by to buy books just to show their support.

Not only was the shop doing well, so was he, Buck realized once again, as he looked around the town square and smiled to himself.

Going back inside the shop, he walked slowly through the aisles, picking up books here and there to return them to their rightful place. It had become a ritual, almost a silent acknowledgment of the life and magic contained within the shop. Next, he turned to the display, refreshing it with new arrivals and staff favorites. He also added a few titles that matched the mood of the season, making sure the arrangement felt inviting.

With that done, he adjusted the background music to something soft and warm. He usually went with mellow jazz or indie. As All a Dream by Norah Jones started playing, he moved to refill the teapot before turning on his laptop to check emails. There were a few messages about new orders. He replied to a few of them, leaving the rest for after the inventory check.

Finally, he got up, flipped the “Closed” sign to “Open,” let out a quiet, contented sigh, and returned to his desk.

***

It was past 3 PM, and Buck was on the phone with a children’s book author when he lifted his head and saw him.

The kid was wearing a blue t-shirt with a dinosaur on it and red glasses. He was approaching the shop, moving with confidence, and Buck hesitated for a moment, debating whether to open the door for him. He wasn’t sure if the gesture would be welcome. The kid seemed perfectly capable on his own, and the last thing Buck wanted was to make him feel awkward. Sure enough, just as Buck predicted, the boy reached the door, pulled it open deftly, and stepped inside.

Buck smiled to himself, watching the familiar look of childlike wonder spread across the boy’s face. It was the same expression Buck still made when he realized he was surrounded by books. The kid smiled to himself too, but then turned back toward the door, his brows drawing together slightly as if he were searching for or waiting on someone. Buck instinctively followed his gaze, looking in the same direction.

He was just about to ask if everything was okay when he saw him.

Buck felt himself reel back slightly, staring in dumb shock because…because how could someone be this pretty?

The man was walking toward the shop, holding a backpack and a jacket, clearly in a hurry to get inside. Buck almost moved to—what, exactly? He wasn’t sure. But before he could figure it out, the man reached the door and stepped inside, and Buck, still dazed, found himself just looking. Who was this guy?

For starters, he looked like he had stepped right out of a GQ spread, with tanned skin, soft-looking hair neatly parted to the side, and a face that should not have been allowed to exist outside of a professional photoshoot. He was tall, maybe a little shorter than Buck, but still tall and the green henley he was wearing did very little to hide the muscles underneath.

Holy shit.

Buck suddenly realized he wasn’t breathing properly and forced himself to pull it together, but then, because of course, right at that moment, the man turned to the kid with a huge smile, and started walking toward him. Oh boy. Even just a glimpse of that smile was enough to make Buck’s brain short-circuit, and he was still trying to process that when he caught sight of the guy’s jeans.

Tight.

Perfectly fitting.

And wow, that was an ass.

His eyes went wide, his mouth slightly open, and he knew—knew—he should not be looking. This was his place of business, for god’s sake. You can’t ogle your customers, he tried to reprimand himself.

But this guy…

Buck sighed to himself and took a sip of water, trying to cool down and, more importantly, prepare himself. Because whether he was ready or not, he had a job to do. He could do this. He had done this countless times before. It was second nature by now.

But still, it took time and he had to psych himself up before walking over and asking if they needed any help.

***

As he approached the pair a while later, Buck noticed them deep in conversation, the kid pulling off an impressive set of puppy eyes while the man maintained a carefully unimpressed look. It was clearly just for show, though, since with every passing moment, he was holding more and more books. Buck slowed his steps, making his presence known before speaking.

“Hey, guys,” he said casually, flashing them both a friendly grin. “My name’s Buck. Anything I can help you with today?”

The man, focused on reading the back of one of the books, was startled so badly that he nearly dropped the stack in his hands. He recovered quickly, adjusting the books before finally looking up. And oh no.

Brown eyes. Big, doe eyes.

The kind of eyes that looked almost liquid under the sunlight filtering through the windows.

Oh no. Gorgeous body, face, and eyes. This was too much. Maybe even unfair.

The guy looked surprised about something, though Buck wasn’t sure what. Maybe he had been expecting someone else? Buck was used to people assuming he wasn’t the “bookshop owner” type. He was tall, built, and liked to work out, which didn’t fit the stereotype. If that’s what this guy was surprised about, well, that was a little judgmental of him. Still, Buck let it go and waited expectantly, hoping this wasn’t about to turn awkward.

Just as he was about to speak again, the man finally seemed to snap out of it. He blinked a few times, visibly shook himself, straightened, and said, “Uh… hi!”

Loudly.

Then immediately looked down, clearing his throat. Buck frowned slightly, completely lost.

The man lifted his head again, looking much more composed this time. “Hey. I’m Eddie, and this is Chris. And, uh… it looks like we’re about to make you some money.” He raised his brows slightly, a small smile tugging at his lips.

Buck grinned. “Well, I wouldn’t say no to that.”

Eddie’s smile widened, but there was something hesitant about it. He seemed almost… uncomfortable.

Oh no.

Did he realize Buck had been checking him out? Was he homophobic? He had a kid with him…was he married? Not that it mattered, but had Buck made him uncomfortable? Buck instinctively took a small step back, creating some distance between them, but at that exact moment, Eddie stepped forward.

He looked up at Buck again, another smile playing on his lips. It was almost shy, maybe a little pained, and—was that a blush?

God. Why was he so hot and cute? He wasn’t just good-looking. He was unfairly pretty. Disney-princess pretty.

Buck was about to pass out.

Eddie finally spoke again just as Buck was about to ask if they needed help.

“Uh, I was actually trying to figure out if this book is age-appropriate for Chris.” He held it out to Buck. “He’s eleven, and it seems fine, but I just want to be sure. Can you help with that?”

He still looked a little unsure, but at least he was making proper eye contact now.

“Oh, yeah,” Buck said enthusiastically, looking at the book. “Totally fine! I actually read this one, it’s great!”

For a moment, he forgot all about his ridiculous crush, turning his attention to Chris with an excited grin and started telling him about the book.

When he looked back, Eddie was staring at him again, looking dazed.

Buck cleared his throat and handed the book back. “Well, there you go, totally appropriate and recommended.” He smiled, though this whole interaction was starting to feel like the weirdest one he’d ever had.

Eddie was still watching him.

Buck decided he was dangerously close to embarrassing himself by asking this random stranger to marry him, so he did the only logical thing; he excused himself, letting them know he’d be at the counter if they needed anything else.

Back at his desk, his heart was still pounding.

What a day, he thought, shaking his head as he busied himself with organizing books and cleaning up, anything to distract himself from what had just happened.

Chapter Text

Was it scientifically possible to die of embarrassment? Like, was there any chance of that at all? Would he be the first documented case? Would they put him in a museum or something?

Eddie Diaz, the first man to actually die of embarrassment because the guy who owned the local bookshop was too nice and hot.

Eddie sighed to himself, dejectedly shaking his head as he put away the groceries in his kitchen. "Can’t We Be Friends?" by Ella Fitzgerald played softly in the background. He tried to focus on the task, but his mind kept drifting back to the bookshop. To what happened. With another sigh, he paused, deciding to let himself dwell on the moment, hoping that confronting the embarrassment head-on would help him move past it.

But, God. What a mess.

Everything had started so well that Saturday too.

Eddie had woken up well-rested, excited to spend the day with Chris. The sun was shining despite the cold, promising a perfect winter day. He got up slowly, made breakfast for two, and then woke Chris up. They were all smiles and jokes as they ate their pancakes and planned their day. Being a nurse, even in a small town like Maple Hollow, took its toll on Eddie. So, days like this, where he could just relax and enjoy life with his favorite person in the world, were rare. And he absolutely cherished them.

Their plans were simple but perfect.

A movie after breakfast, dessert, and then a trip to the bookstore, which was sure to bankrupt Eddie.

Not that he minded.

He was proud that Chris loved books. His son was an avid reader, and browsing shelves was one of his favorite activities. Eddie loved his enthusiasm, and yeah, maybe he indulged him a little, but who wouldn’t? Besides, Eddie knew firsthand what it was like to have a childhood that ended too soon.

Growing up in a household built on strict, traditional values meant that one day, he was just a kid, and the next, he was expected to be the mature, responsible eldest child. And he had been fine with it. He was already a reserved child, and he grew into an even quieter teenager.

But it came with a price.

The expectations placed on him never felt like guidance; they felt like conditions. Maybe as a kid, he hadn’t fully understood it, but on some level, he knew that his parents' love depended on how well-behaved he was. And then there was the religious aspect. That had been another weight on his shoulders, another reason he had been forced to grow up quickly. It was all about guilt, repentance, and striving for perfection.

So Eddie had tried.

He had done everything right, not just to appease his father but to stay in the good graces of the one in the sky too. Looking back, he could see how that kind of pressure could make a child grow up before their time. And he had decided long ago that he would never do that to Chris.

An eleven-year-old deserved to be eleven. To enjoy life without the weight of expectations pressing down on him.

Chris would grow up loved, guided by Eddie’s support—not by rigid rules weighing him down, but by a steady hand ready to catch him when he stumbled. Eddie had learned the hard way that responsibility and maturity didn’t have to come at the cost of a childhood. So yes, if he had anything to say about it, Chris was going to have his childhood.

He exhaled slowly when he realized he’d zoned out, grounding himself.

He finished getting ready, tidying up as he moved around the house. Being a single father with a demanding job meant he was always doing something, squeezing tasks into every free moment, always thinking two steps ahead.

He was checking Chris’ backpack, making sure they had everything they needed, when his son appeared in the living room, already brimming with excitement for the day ahead.

“Hey, Dad,” Chris said, walking over. “Which dessert do you think I should try first? The chocolate cake or the strawberry?”

Well, he was maybe more excited for the dessert. So, Eddie looked at him and smiled.

“Well, buddy, maybe we could get both and share,” he suggested. Then, with a conspiratorial raise of his eyebrows, he added, “What do you say to that?”

Chris grinned. “Obviously, the best option.” Already moving toward the door, he barely gave Eddie a chance to catch up.

Shaking his head fondly, Eddie followed, hoping the day would be just as fun as they had planned.

***

The movie had been nice, even if it was made for kids, Eddie thought to himself as they finished their cakes. Thanks to having an eleven-year-old, he had seen more animated movies than he could count. Some were a struggle to sit through, but others were actually fun. A few were even surprisingly profound, and this had been one of those. He liked movies like that because they always sparked interesting conversations between him and Chris afterward.

Now, they were sitting at a cozy café in the town center, their table overlooking the square and the festive decorations outside the shop. They had just finished an in-depth debate over which cake was better – chocolate according to Eddie but Chris insisted on strawberry – and were still chatting lightheartedly. Chris had a bit of chocolate on his face, so Eddie grabbed a napkin and moved to wipe it off. Chris leaned away, rolling his eyes, but still took the napkin from Eddie’s hand.

“Dad, seriously?” he said, giving him a pointed look before wiping his own face.

Eddie smiled, amused but also a little wistful. He loved that his son was independent and confident, but he still missed the days when Chris didn’t insist on being so grown up all the time.

God, what am I gonna do when he becomes a teenager?

The thought hit him suddenly, a flash of future worry, but he shook it off with a quiet laugh.

He still had a few years before the teenage phase fully kicked in. Or he hoped that he had. No need to start panicking now. He already had enough on his plate with the move, the new job, and figuring out this new life.

Well, all of those things paled in comparison as he watched his son happily eating cake and sipping his drink. Chris was the light of his life, and Eddie knew without a doubt that he would do it all over again, every hard choice, every sacrifice, just to be here in this moment with him.

The past few months had been tough.

Hell, the last few years had been tough. He realized, with a quiet pang, that he couldn’t even remember the last time he had felt this content, this settled in his life.

Maybe the year before college when everything changed so completely that he was still feeling the repercussions of the events of that year.

***

Eddie remembered how the year had started off okay.

He was a good student, responsible and mature, always turning in his homework on time and never late to class. He wasn’t a prodigy, but he was athletic, good-looking, and smart. High school wasn’t supposed to be too hard for someone like him. The only issue was that he was gay and had no idea at the time. So he wasn’t very interested in girls, and sometimes, people teased him about it. It wasn’t too bad, though. He would brush it off, saying he was more focused on his studies and future, and most people didn’t push further.

Back then, he hadn’t really understood why. He wasn’t exactly introverted, but he figured he just preferred being on his own more than most people. Maybe it was because he had things to figure out, because he didn’t quite feel like himself yet. Being around people made him nervous, like he was playing a part. The issue was he just didn’t know what the part was or what would be left of him if he stopped playing it. But he didn’t dwell on it. He was a teenager, and sure, he had his share of angst, but repressing and moving on?

That was the Diaz way.

So that’s what he did.

Everything was still okay by December, but the only difference was that Eddie had a friend now. He met Shannon in his lit class, and they immediately hit it off. She was nice, funny, and interesting. They talked, hung out more and more as the weeks passed, and quickly became close friends. Or at least, that was what he thought until people started asking about his new girlfriend.

Apparently, that was how it looked to everyone else, and no one believed him when he said they were just friends.

It made him think.

Were they supposed to be more than friends? Was this what dating was? Had he somehow started dating Shannon without even realizing it? Was he expected to do something about it? Was he stringing her along?

He had no idea but it seemed like the right thing to do so he asked her out and after a few dates they were official.

***

It was a few months after graduation, and Eddie felt content knowing he had gotten into his first-choice college. By the end of August, he would leave this town behind and start fresh. He was going to be a nurse, and that thought filled him with excitement. His family, however, wasn’t happy about it. They urged him to become a doctor instead. But Eddie had made his decision a long time ago, and he had good reasons for it.

The idea had first come to him during Career Day, when a nurse spoke about her job. She was a lovely woman, passionate and full of warmth, and Eddie had been so intrigued that he went up to ask her extra questions afterward. Seeing a student this interested had made her smile, and she had encouraged him to visit her at the hospital for a day if he wanted to see what the job was really like. After some convincing, his parents agreed, and Eddie shadowed the nurse —Ella— for a day.

It was a crazy day but watching her work only cemented his decision.

He was amazed by the way she made patients feel heard and comforted, even in the chaos of the emergency room. She wasn’t cold or uncaring in the slightest, yet she remained calm under pressure, adapting so quickly to situations that it left Eddie both impressed and maybe a little intimidated.

By the time they finally got a lunch break, his head was spinning, but for Ella, it was just another day. She was used to always thinking ahead, anticipating problems before they even happened and reacting quickly. She seemed to be aware of everything, at all times.

Eddie wasn’t just impressed with her; he was impressed with the profession itself. He liked that nurses seemed to be the stabilizers in the middle of the chaos, organizing and patching things up wherever they were needed. They were basically the glue that held everything together.He liked the idea of being that useful, that helpful.

So when he left the hospital that day, Eddie Diaz had a clear idea of what he wanted to do with his future.

***

Well, life was full of surprises, because in a few months he went from having his whole life together to losing everything.

He was actually planning to end things with Shannon when she told him she was pregnant. He was going to college, and she was too, so it didn’t really make sense to force a relationship at that point. He was just waiting for the right time and then he learned about the pregnancy.

They had no idea what to do, so they went to their parents, and what happened afterward was pure chaos.

One day, he was preparing to leave for college and start his life as a student, and the next, he was getting married. There was never another choice, not really. So they both stopped fighting and accepted whatever was going to happen. Whatever was decided for them. The decision was simple enough: they would get married, find a place to live with their families’ support, Eddie would get a job, and everything would fall into place.

Except, it didn’t. Of course, it didn’t.

The pregnancy was difficult. Eddie worked two jobs just to put food on the table and prepare for the baby’s arrival. He loved Shannon, he knew he did, but he wasn’t in love with her. At the time, he tried hard to convince himself otherwise because the alternative was unbearable. They both did. Even before the wedding, they had talked about it. They agreed it would be a marriage of convenience, yes, but they would try to make it work, to be a real family.

And they did. They tried so hard that it almost killed them. They forced themselves to love each other romantically, to make the marriage something real. But the more they forced it, the more strained things became, the more resentful they grew toward each other.

They were still holding on when Chris was born. But raising a child, a child with CP, was a challenge neither of them was ready for. Eddie was now working three jobs just to make ends meet, running himself into the ground, while Shannon was exhausted at home, trying to manage everything alone.

Then, an opportunity arose. The army.

Eddie had thought about it, skeptically. The pay was good. It was something meaningful. Helping people in the field was dangerous, yes, but it wasn’t like he had many other options. If he chose the army, he could provide for his family in a way that his current jobs never could. So, he thought he found a solution but he needed to tell his wife. He knew she wouldn’t take it well, and he wasn’t surprised when she didn’t.

She was worried about him leaving, about their future, their son… but in the end, she agreed because, deep down, she knew the truth as well as Eddie did.

They were backed into a corner.

***

So Eddie left when he was just 19 years old. Being away from his family was hard, but he was doing his best to survive and help people. Every single day was so chaotic that he didn’t even have time to sit down and think. Sometimes, he thought that was for the best because if he actually stopped to think, he wasn’t sure he could handle it.

After a year or so, he decided to extend his service simply because he had to. Medical bills were piling up, and even Shannon agreed it was the best option. So he went on, and by the end of his second tour as an army medic, Eddie started seriously considering nursing school.

It was actually an opportunity; his service in the army meant he could attend a nearby civilian university for two years, earn a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, then work one more year to complete his service commitment. It was a tight plan, but it was doable.

And looking back, he knew that this was the decision that finally broke his already fractured marriage. He tried to explain and Shannon listened. She even seemed to understand and they reached an agreement at the end.

But Eddie knew better. He knew that she was going to resent him for it and maybe she’d be right to do so. He practically abandoned her. He was a provider to his family but he was nothing more and she was essentially a single-parent when she actually had a husband.

Eddie wasn’t capable of doing more though. He simply didn’t know how to make things better so he went on.

He was 24 when he was commissioned as an army nurse and he worked for one more year before finally realizing he had to leave for good. Chris was six and Eddie knew he had already missed too much of his son’s life. And Shannon…Shannon wasn’t doing okay.

She had told him she was struggling mentally, that she felt like she was breaking. And maybe that was why Eddie wasn’t surprised when, shortly after he came home, she left.

He understood.

In fact, he thought maybe they should’ve talked about it more. Maybe he should’ve told her it was okay to take a break before she left. Before their marriage was practically over.

It wasn’t just their marriage that had broken, either.

Their friendship had, too.

***

Eddie was brought back to the moment by an old lady greeting them and striking up a conversation with Chris, telling him how adorable he was. Chris smiled shyly, then politely asked how she was, and Eddie watched in awe as his social butterfly of a son made the woman smile. After she left, Chris turned to Eddie. “Are you okay, Dad? You were kind of zoned out there for a while.”

Eddie nodded. “I’m okay, I’m good. I was just thinking about the past, and I think I got lost there for a bit,” he added with a small smile.

Chris accepted his answer without question and turned his attention back to his hot chocolate. Hot chocolate with cake; bold choice, Eddie thought, amused, as he took a sip of his now lukewarm coffee.

A lot in his life had been out of his control, but the decision to leave Texas, the decision to raise Chris like this, the decision to break the cycle?

That had been his and he was proud of it.

***

Afterward, they left the café and headed to the bookstore. It was on the other side of town, so Eddie decided driving would be easier. After a short trip, they arrived, and Chris immediately took off toward the store. Eddie was about to follow him when he noticed a missed call from work while he was driving. Keeping an eye on Chris, he called back Jake, a doctor from work, but he didn’t answer.

He’s probably busy, he thought, grabbing Chris’ jacket and backpack from the backseat before following him inside.

The moment he stepped in, Eddie spotted a man at the counter, but his first instinct was to scan the shop for Chris. When he found him, he smiled and walked over, quickly getting pulled into a discussion about the magic system in Chris’ latest favorite series. At the same time, he was flipping through one of the many books Chris had picked out, trying to figure out if it was age-appropriate.

That was when a cheery voice startled him. Looking up was clearly a mistake, because what was this man even doing here?

He was saying something, definitely speaking actual words, but Eddie was struggling to follow.

Because he was gorgeous.

Curls. Pretty blue eyes. Full, red lips. And was that a birthmark?

Eddie knew he responded somehow and that they had an entire conversation, but God, he couldn’t even remember it properly. Because somewhere in the middle of that mess of a conversation, he had made the very unfortunate decision to actually look at the man properly.

And wow, was he big. Why was he so big? What for?

Eddie stared at him, dazed, as his brain spiraled.

He was beautiful, and it wasn’t just his looks either, it was the way he carried himself. He had this quiet confidence, completely at home in the cozy bookshop, like he belonged there.

He radiated comfort, but at the same time, there was this undercurrent of hyper energy, something vibrant that Eddie couldn’t quite place.

And Eddie felt himself drawn to him in a way he couldn’t explain.

The guy was standing there, talking, smiling, wearing a cozy, soft-looking jumper; basically like some kind of personal attack. Seriously, had this man been specifically sent to make Eddie lose his mind? Because Eddie literally couldn’t remember the last time he had been this attracted to someone.

He barely remembered talking to Chris after Buck (that was his name, right?) had left, but his answers must have been passable because Chris didn’t seem to notice the absolute turmoil he had been in the entire time.

He also vaguely recalled going to the counter and paying for the books; which, how many books were there? No idea.

The whole time, Eddie had tried not to look at Buck, knowing it could get creepy quickly but at the same time, he couldn’t stop sneaking glances, either. Because God, this man was made to be looked at.

Hell, he was probably made for a lot more, but Eddie shut that thought down immediately. Because this was Buck’s place of work and Eddie was here with his son.

He only felt like he could breathe properly once they had said their goodbyes and left the shop but he was already praying he wouldn’t run into Buck too often.

Unfortunately, Eddie wasn’t going to be that lucky because the very next day, Evan Buckley was wheeled into Maple Hollow General, laid out on a gurney.

Chapter Text

It was a Tuesday, and Buck was sitting in his favorite armchair in the shop, a warm cup of tea in his hand and his coziest hoodie on. He was in the middle of deciding which book to start —both were very good options–- when Demon strolled over and climbed into his lap with his usual indifference.

Buck grinned at the cat, giving him a few absentminded pets before finally deciding on The Hunchback of Notre Dame. He leaned back, ready to lose himself in the book. He could take his time today, with both Amy and Clara at the shop with him.

He sighed, turning back to his book and spending the next few hours completely lost in another world. The shop was warm, a light drizzle now falling outside. It was a bit gloomy, sure, but honestly, it was the perfect weather for this kind of afternoon.

At some point, he realized someone had brought him coffee. It was lukewarm now, but he still took a grateful sip. Glancing around for Demon, he found the cat had abandoned him for greener pastures or, more specifically, the lap of a little girl in the corner. She looked absolutely delighted, and Buck chuckled at the sight.

Demon loved the attention whenever he deigned to walk among mortals, and kids especially adored him.

Amy was chatting with a customer, wearing a knitted sweater that made her look like she totally belonged there. Buck’s gaze then shifted to Clara, who was at the counter, focused on the computer, probably doing inventory work.

An idea formed in Buck’s mind: kids could sit around and cuddle Demon during a read-aloud session. Maybe he could invite someone to read to them, not necessarily an author, volunteers would work too. Hell, even he could do it.

Satisfied with the thought, he stood and decided to take a walk, now that the rain looked ready to stop any moment. He wasn’t exactly eager to go out, but well… his knee would bother him if he didn’t, and a walk was the best kind of exercise for it.

And really, taking a stroll through Maple Hollow was hardly a hardship. The moment you stepped outside, it felt like walking straight into a fairytale. Fairy lights and Christmas decorations were still up alongside the town’s usual decor, giving everything a magical feel.

Buck liked these walks, wandering through town, greeting people, and just enjoying the simple pleasure of a coffee in hand and a peaceful stroll. At first, he’d thought he’d quickly get bored of it but there was something comforting about walking the same familiar path; a quiet, relaxing sense of routine and normalcy.

An hour or so later, he was on his way home, thinking about calling Maddie and inviting them over for the weekend. He was just about to start planning the dinner menu in his head when he glanced at the traffic light opposite his shop and stepped into the street.

He wasn’t sure how it happened, only that it happened far too fast. One moment, he was walking calmly across the street, and the next, a sharp honk cut through the air.

He turned, barely processing what was happening, and saw the car hurtling toward him. It was trying to slow down, probably, but his last thought before the impact was that it wouldn’t be able to stop in time.

Then, darkness.

***

Buck woke up to a familiar smell and the rhythmic beeping of a machine somewhere nearby. Oh. A hospital, he thought. It’s been a while.

Moments flashed through his mind, moments where he woke up in a hospital bed, injured during a rescue, surrounded by family. He loved Maple Hollow, he loved this new life, but in moments like this, he couldn’t help but miss his family.

He missed the closeness, maybe more than he’d ever miss the job. And once again, lying in a hospital bed, he found himself feeling alone. Abandoned. Even though he was the one who left.

Feeling that familiar burn behind his eyes, he tried to open them, bracing himself to face the empty room. And the room was empty… but only for a moment, before he saw—was that? Was that the man from the shop? Eddie? He was wearing blue scrubs and walking toward Buck with a clipboard in hand, looking like an angel.

Buck frowned and tried to focus, but his head hurt, so he opted to close his eyes again. And then the man—no, Eddie—spoke:

“Hey, Buck. I see you’re awake. How are you feeling?” he asked in a kind but professional voice.

Buck tried to open his eyes again, gingerly this time. Not feeling any pain, he turned toward Eddie and attempted a smile.

“Thanks, man,” he began. “Uh… Eddie, right? From the shop?”

“Yeah,” Eddie smiled. “We were there with my son, Chris.”

Buck grinned. “Of course! How’s he doing?”

Eddie laughed quietly. “Well… he’s fine. Better than you, that’s for sure,” he said, walking toward Buck.

“Buck, I need to ask you a few questions and check you over,” he explained, and the next few minutes went by with routine checks and concussion screening.

Once he was finally satisfied, Eddie gave a small nod. “So… what happened? Do you remember anything?” he asked, raising his eyebrows and looking at Buck with a question in his eyes.

Buck hesitated. “I- I’m not sure, honestly. All I remember is that the light was green and then… well. It just happened, I guess the driver was distracted.”

Eddie nodded seriously. Now that Buck was more awake, he was once again mesmerized by Eddie’s beauty. And not just beauty this time. He was competent, moving with confidence and a sureness that only came with being good at your job. Buck knew he already had a competency kink, but paired with Eddie’s everything, it was a lethal combo.

“Have you been working here long? I’m not as much of a regular at hospitals these days, but I don’t remember seeing you around,” Buck asked.

He could’ve turned it into a line, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Sure, Eddie was the hottest guy he’d ever seen in his life, but he was also a father—and they were currently at his workplace. Maybe he was married too. Maybe with another kid. He didn’t need a patient flirting with him, that was for sure.

And Buck wasn’t sure if he wanted anything fun at this point in his life. Well, he wanted the fun, but he also wanted more.

“No, actually. We moved here last month. Still settling in,” Eddie replied, checking the machines.

“Oh, that explains why I never saw you guys around. How do you like it so far?”

Eddie smiled. “We love it, actually. I like the job, and the people seem great. Chris is happy with the school. How about you? Are you from here or…?”

“Oh, no. It’s been almost a year since I got here. I lived in LA before.”

“You had a shop in LA?”

“Oh… well… no. I-I was a firefighter.”

“Really?” Eddie asked, sounding interested. “You need to tell me how you went from firefighting to bookstore owner sometime.”

“Yeah… uh… sure. It’s not exactly a fun story, but sure.”

Eddie, probably realizing his hesitation, scrutinized him for a moment longer and nodded. “No pressure, though. I was just curious. And it’s not like it’s any of my business.” He was about to turn around when Buck saw Chris round the corner, spot his dad, and move toward the room excitedly.

“Dad! Hey!”

Eddie turned around, surprised. “Chris?! I thought you were coming after lunch.”

“I was. And it is after lunch, Dad. Did you forget to eat again?” Chris asked, a slight frown appearing on his face now.

“Oh… I guess I did. Come on—”

“Oh! Buck from the bookshop! Hey, are you okay?” Chris asked, first excitedly but then his voice turned worried.

“Hi Chris,” Buck smiled. “Thanks, I—uh—I was sort of hit by a car, but I’m doing alright,” he quickly added.

“Healing now with the help of your dad and the good doctors here.”

“I’m sorry, Buck,” Chris said, adjusting the strap of his bag.

“Do you want a book to read? I used to get bored after my surgeries, so Dad used to bring me books to read,” he smiled at his dad. “I have one with me if you want it?” he asked, starting to rummage through his bag.

How adorable was this kid? Offering to lend a book to a practical stranger because they might get bored in the hospital? How thoughtful was that?

“Ah… well, actually…” He glanced at Eddie for a moment, who nodded quickly, so Buck continued. “You—you know what? I’d appreciate a book right now.”

“Go ahead, Chris,” Eddie interjected. “You sure have more than enough at home,” he gave Buck a meaningful look and Buck smiled, enjoying being a part of this conversation.

They soon said goodbye to Buck and left. He sat there for a moment, alone again, and smiled sadly down at the book in his hands.

***

A week later, Buck was organizing one of the shelves at the shop when Eddie and Chris walked in. Eddie was holding a basket of what looked like cookies and other baked goods, while Chris was being his usual energetic self. Buck looked up from what he was doing and smiled at the duo as they walked toward him.

“Hi, Buck!” Chris said, and Eddie placed a hand on his shoulder, either to steady him or slow him down.

“Be careful, buddy. I’m sure Buck is still healing,” he said.

“Hey, Chris,” Buck replied, already smiling now that his favorite customers were here. “And I’m doing great, actually, Nurse Diaz,” he teased, turning toward Eddie and grinning a little.

“Well, you still need to be careful,” Eddie answered in a mock serious tone.

Buck laughed. “How’s your day going, guys?”

“All good,” Eddie replied cheerfully. “Someone got a little too excited to see his favorite bookstore owner and new friend, so we thought we’d pay you a visit,” he explained. “Oh, and we brought you some sweet treats.”

“You didn’t need to, guys…” Buck started, but Chris interrupted.

“It’s a get-well-soon gift. Dad baked them. Tía Pepa says his cooking’s kinda terrible, but his baking’s not bad.” he added proudly and Eddie covered his face with one hand and sighed.

“Oh god, thanks for that, son,” he said, blushing again. And Buck decided that men this hot should not be allowed to blush and be cute too. Like there should be laws against it.

He was still struggling with the cuteness he’d just witnessed when Eddie continued.

“I can cook but my family likes to tease me about it because when I started I was…, well… I was kinda terrible actually,” he added with a wince.

“No need for explanations. I sucked at cooking until my fire captain taught me. I’m a decent cook now if I do say so myself.”

“Actually… I’d like to cook for you guys sometime. As a thank you for being so nice through this whole thing, and also to welcome you to town.”

“Oh, don’t trouble yourself, Buck. You’re still recovering, and we wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

“But you wouldn’t be. And I distinctly remember you saying I was lightly injured.”

“Yes, but you still need to take it easy,” Eddie said firmly, then added, “How about when you fully recover?”

“Yeah, sure. That works for me,” Buck said quickly—maybe a little too quickly, but so what?

He liked cooking for people, after all.

Chapter Text

It was a calm day—for the ER at least—Eddie thought as he sipped his coffee and looked out the break room window. He leaned against the counter and smiled at his "World’s Best Dad" mug, a gift from Chris. One day, he went out with Adriana, and they picked it out as a Father’s Day gift for Eddie. Needless to say, he loved it.

Finishing his coffee, he rinsed the mug and got ready to head back into the chaos of the outside world. The break room really did feel like a safe haven sometimes but he had a job to do.

He checked his phone first, though, and there it was—another text from Buck. They were a constant these days, the texts. He gave his number to Buck the other week when Buck offered to cook for them.

And then the texting began. At first, it was just so Eddie could save Buck’s number. The text that evening had simply said, “Hey Eddie! It’s Buck, hope you guys are doing well! :)” and Eddie replied with a pic of Chris reading the book Buck had recommended.

That was all it took, apparently, because the conversation took off after that. There wasn’t much structure to their texting; it was scattered because of Eddie’s insane schedule but he’d checked his phone more this week than he probably ever had. He wasn’t a tech-savvy person and wasn’t a big fan of texting either, but this felt fun, so he kept doing it.

They talked about their jobs, Chris, their families... nothing too heavy, but it was still fun to talk to an actual adult who also happened to be so interesting. He was funny, open, and just had this warm presence you could feel even through texting. He asked questions that showed genuine interest in Eddie’s life and his opinions on things. Eddie, of course, being himself, had doubts because he wasn’t sure what they were doing.

Was it flirting? Or was Buck just being his friendly self? Buck knew he was single because he’d asked if he should expect another person for dinner and Eddie said it was just the two of them. He wasn’t sure if Buck was into men either, but he guessed he’d find out if the time was ever right. Worst case, he’d make a friend here, and that wasn’t so bad, even if he really, really liked the guy.

Buck was... just different. He was thoughtful, kind, and so, so... endearing. He was this super buff guy, but he wasn’t into sports and said that he was bad at most. He cooked, read a lot, drank too much tea, and just seemed to enjoy a quiet life. Others might have found it boring even, but he was full of life in a very unexpected way that left you speechless. He radiated safety and comfort, a softness that was a strength in its own way.

He didn’t talk much about his past, but Eddie could tell there was something there. He either brushed it off or just said there wasn’t much to say, and Eddie didn’t want to pressure him, so he kept his silence. Plus, Eddie knew the game, knew what it was like to avoid talking about things not because they were unimportant, but because they were too important. Or too painful.

So they continued texting and sharing tidbits from their lives. Pics, jokes, and little updates from Buck throughout the day had now become something Eddie genuinely looked forward to. They always made him smile too, which was unfortunately something noticed by his coworkers and led to him being teased about his crush.

Eddie was fine with it. So what if it was a crush? It was fun, he was making a friend, and he did deserve to have something like this in his life. He deserved good things, he deserved being surrounded by good people and kindness.

Once again, he felt grateful for all those therapy sessions that had finally convinced him of his own worth, and he moved on with his day with a small smile etched on his face.

***

“Expecting you guys at 7!”

Eddie looked at the text and tried to calm his nerves. Today was the day. It was Friday, and Buck was going to cook for them tonight. Eddie couldn’t wait to see him, and despite the constant texting, he missed him. They’d only seen each other twice since the accident, and it wasn’t nearly enough.

The first time was a week after the accident, when they visited him at the shop. The second was just last week. This time, Buck had claimed he was feeling good enough to cook for them, so Eddie had reluctantly accepted the invitation—saying that, at the very least, they’d bring dessert. It was the least he could do.

So he got home around 6 in the morning because he had a night shift and took Chris to school after a quick nap. On his off days, he usually napped a bit more when he got back from the school and did chores he didn’t have the time for during the week. Today he felt a buzz like he was about to crawl out of his skin so the chores would be a nice distraction.

Distraction from what? Eddie thought sourly, getting annoyed with himself. It wasn’t a date, it wasn’t even anything special and Eddie was once again overthinking things. The guy was just being nice and friendly, offering to cook for them as a show of goodwill and Eddie was spiralling because that’s apparently what he did when he had a huge crush. He was constantly second-guessing himself and worrying about what Buck thought about him. It was terrifying because he wasn’t sure what else he’d do now that he was discovering this part of himself. The part that acted a little irrational because he liked someone a lot.

The thing was, Eddie never had an actual crush on someone. He liked people, he even went on dates sometimes but he didn’t feel this…excitement, this slight obsession with someone. Shannon was just there and their relationship was built on obligations and burdens they were too young to carry.

By the time he had the chance to explore his identity and figured out he was gay, he already had a son. And dating with a kid was a whole different game because you couldn’t just date for the fun of it. Not that Eddie was looking for random flings, but it still would’ve been nice to have that option. To go out and see what was out there.

Instead, he had to deal with people being put off by the idea of their date having a kid. Which, fair enough,it was their choice but it still stung every time. The whole thing ended up feeling unnecessarily complicated, and eventually, he decided it just wasn’t worth the trouble. So, he almost completely gave up on it at one point, telling himself that his son was his priority.

Of course, that wasn’t the whole truth. Eddie wasn’t ready to open himself up to someone like that, to be vulnerable in that way. He was still fighting so many inner battles. He remembered approaching dating as a necessity, something he needed to do for Chris so that he could have a second parent, a real family. Up until not that long ago, he was still trying to tick the boxes, to do what was expected and not what he really wanted. Yes, he had let go of some of the expectations and wasn’t who he was at 19 anymore, but he still felt caged sometimes. Like he was failing to meet some impossible expectations.

What he really wanted was… something comforting. Not something particularly easy, because relationships took work. But he wanted to feel secure—that even if things got hard and messy, his partner wouldn’t leave. He needed someone who could be by his side through thick and thin, because Eddie knew he’d make a mistake somewhere down the road. His partner would too. That was just life, and he was only human.

He was done trying to be perfect, trying to do the right thing constantly and then give up all hope when he eventually failed. He wasn’t always the easiest person, but he knew he didn’t need to be to deserve love. He didn’t want to shrink himself anymore. And he wasn’t going to act as if love was something he had to earn. So was okay with being single—until, or if ever, he found that.

He sighed as he put the laundry basket down and moved around the house for a while, putting things away, dusting here and there. He did the dishes, vacuumed—the whole routine—and he was finally feeling something close to normal when he was done. Physical labor or exercise always calmed him, and today was no exception. Even though he still felt that buzz, it was a little subdued now.

Checking the time, he went to his room to pick out clothes for dinner.

It’s not a date, just wear whatever, he kept telling himself. But if he still reached for one of his tighter jeans, that was his business, thank you very much.

And then it was just a matter of grabbing Chris, coming back home, getting him ready, and finally heading out to Buck’s.

****

Eddie smiled as they approached Quill & Cuddle.

Buck lived right above it apparently so they quickly drove the short distance and walked into the shop. If Eddie was excited for tonight, Chris was definitely worse. He was asking questions non-stop, smiling and telling Eddie what Buck and he would talk about once he got there. Eddie thought they were lucky that Buck seemed to like kids, otherwise this little gathering would surely turn out a failure.

When they walked inside, Eddie saw that a girl was at the desk so he walked toward her, scanning the room for Buck at the same time.

“Good evening,” he said cordially. “Uhm, we were looking for Buck?” he asked and the girl immediately smiled.

“Oh my god, hi! You must be Eddie and Chris,” she seemed…thrilled to see them?

“Oh I’m Amy, Buck has told us all about you guys,” she said excitedly. “He wouldn’t shut up actually, constantly talking about how cu-”

“Heyyy guys!” Buck suddenly walked in, looking rushed and a little red in the face. He was wearing a dark blue shirt that brought out the blue of his eyes and black jeans. His hair seemed gel-free and his curls were all loose and looked perfectly fluffy. Eddie stopped himself from ogling the man—or more specifically, how the shirt fit his wide shoulders—when he realized what he was doing, hoping he hadn’t been caught checking him out.

They didn’t seem to be aware of Eddie and how embarrassing he was being though as they were busy, having a silent conversation with their eyes. Buck finally sighed and Eddie frowned. He seemed a bit…frustrated “Amy,” he said firmly. “Thanks for that. I got it from here,” he added and turned towards Eddie and Chris.

“Hey! Hi Eddie,” he grinned. “Oh hi Chris, hi buddy!” He waved at Chris who grinned right back.

Eddie would normally feel a little taken aback by whatever happened between the girl and Buck but the way Buck looked like a bundle of energy reminded him of Chris so he just looked from one to the other and smiled slightly. They were going to get on well.

“Come on guys, it’s time for dinner. Follow me upstairs,” Buck said, clapping his hands and turning towards the door at the back.

As Buck and Chris started to walk toward the stairs, already in a conversation about Chris’ science project, Eddie began to follow them dutifully. He looked at the girl for a moment first though and saw that she was now wearing a light smirk but her eyes were kind.

“Be good to him,” she said, leaning towards him conspiratorially.

And Eddie wasn’t sure what he was expected to say so he just nodded and walked away.

***

Buck’s place was… unexpected, exactly like its owner. Eddie had no idea what he was expecting, but the moment he walked inside, he found himself smiling, a feeling of ease washing over him. It was, coincidentally, how he always reacted to seeing Buck.

The walls were painted a soft shade of green that went nicely with the dark brown hardwood floors. There was a comfy-looking dark blue couch in the middle of the room with orange and brown throw pillows. A Persian rug with a mix of colors, lots of plants, and books scattered everywhere completed the decor. Everything in the place added to the cozy vibe, and Eddie liked how much character it had. It was all soft edges and muted colors, bathed in the evening light coming from the big windows that faced the town square.

Eddie was vaguely aware of Buck talking about what he’d cooked for them, his voice pleasant in the background as he took the room in. He finally turned toward the voice and followed him to the kitchen. He found Chris there, perched on one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Eddie saw some crayons and a coloring book on the counter and approached it cautiously. They seemed unused.

“These from the store?” he asked, looking at Buck.

“Oh yeah,” Buck turned to look at him from where he was pulling dishes from the fridge. He was moving around the kitchen, a flurry of movement and energy.

“I thought it’d be a good idea, you know? In case he gets bored of hanging out with boring old people,” he finished mischievously, and Chris laughed.

“You really didn’t have to, Buck,” Eddie started, but Buck interrupted with a flick of his hand.

“No, please. It was no trouble. It’s just stuff,” he said distractedly, pulling a tray from the oven.

“Uh— Eddie I-I wasn’t sure if Chris would like the dish so I made him some baked veggies and fries too. Oh and I have some homemade chicken nuggets,” he said and Eddie stood up to help him because it wouldn’t be appropriate to jump your host in front of your kid. What even was this man doing? Getting supplies for Chris so he wouldn’t be bored? Cooking extra food for him? Just…being overall caring and kind?

Eddie was in trouble.

“Buck I thought you were taking it easy,” he asked instead of doing something wildly inappropriate and gave the other man a mock glare.

“Yeah I know but I just…wanted to. I mean I don’t always get to do things like this for others since my family is back in LA and I like cooking for people so yeah this was for me as much as it is for you guys, trust me,” he replied.

“Well, thank you. I really appreciate it. I just don’t want to be a burden,” he said.

“You're not at all Eddie,” Buck said firmly, slightly frowning. “Chris is adorable and I just want to spend time with you.” He stopped for a moment, looking unsure but then he added, “I-uh I really, really want to get to know you better.” He took a step towards Eddie, looking at him right in the eyes. Eddie felt overwhelmed feeling the heaviness of that stare and tried hard to keep it together. Because Buck had beautiful eyes and he was saying exactly what Eddie wanted to hear somehow.

Scared of losing himself completely, he looked away for a moment and cleared his throat. “I want that too, Buck,” he smiled, deciding to be brave once again.

Because why wouldn’t he be brave? Why wouldn’t he enjoy being here tonight? Why torture himself when he could enjoy the company of a lovely man with beautiful blue eyes who treated him like he was a precious thing, and not just some overworked, exhausted single-father.

So after making the decision to enjoy the night and not overthink to the point of insanity, Eddie started to set the table.

Chapter Text

Buck couldn’t stop smiling, and now he was seriously getting into embarrassing territory because others were starting to notice.

“What’s up with the deranged smile, boss?” Clara had asked that afternoon, and Buck felt like he’d been woken up from a dream.

“Huh?” he asked distractedly. He knew he was in the middle of doing something, but now he was just standing in the middle of the store, the task completely forgotten. Because he was thinking about Eddie again. Talk about embarrassing.

“Are you okay? You were just standing there and smiling,” Clara said, raising her eyebrows.

Amy interrupted before Buck had the chance to say anything.

“It was a dreamy smile too!” she yelled from the back of the store.

“Hey! You didn’t even see me, and I was just distracted,” Buck yelled right back. “Aren’t people allowed to be distracted around here anymore?”

He huffed and was about to get back to whatever he’d been doing when Amy appeared right in front of him.

She raised a brow and put her hands on her hips. “They are, Buckley. But are you just distracted, or… are you distracted by a pair of beautiful brown eyes and a pretty face?” she asked, grinning wickedly.

“Ohhh, pretty brown eyes, you say?” Clara interjected, leaning against one of the bookshelves and folding her arms.

“Explain yourself,” she said, looking at him, barely containing her glee at the chance to torture Buck.

“Ugh.” He wasn’t winning this, was he?

“Yes, he has pretty brown eyes, and he is overall… pretty as well. And I was thinking about him. So what?” he replied defiantly.

“Oh my god, look at him! He’s blushing!” Clara pointed at him, and Buck rolled his eyes. Honestly, was it a crime to have a crush?

“Aww, he’s so cute! I can’t believe I’ve never seen you with a crush until now. This is gonna be so much fun for me,” Amy said with way too much glee for her own good.

“AND for me!” Clara added. “Also, tell me about this guy. I feel like I know nothing about him, and we should fix that immediately.”

Oh boy. Buck was defeated. It was best to surrender and let them have their fun.

“Alright,” he said, sighing dejectedly. “I’ll put on the tea. You two finish organizing that shelf, and then we’ll talk about him.”

“Yes!” Amy shouted excitedly. “Best boss ever!” She quickly got up to get on with the task.

Buck walked toward the kitchen-lounge area at the back of the store and got the teapot ready to brew some of his favorite tea. If he was going to talk about his crush with his two employees, he definitely deserved some compensation for it.

His mind drifted to Eddie Diaz again, as it tended to do far too often these days. It had been three days since the dinner at Buck’s place, and Buck was still riding the high of it. It had been perfect—the evening, the company, the food… everything had turned out great. Buck loved his place, loved how cozy and homey it was, but he could swear it had never felt more like a home than that evening, with the Diazes there, all happy and smiling.

They had dinner and then watched The Incredibles together—Eddie and Buck on the couch with Chris in the middle, and Demon curled up on Buck’s lap.

Chris fell asleep about forty minutes into the movie, and Eddie carefully shifted him so he could rest his head on his knee. They looked so adorable that all Buck could focus on was keeping them safe and content, just as they were in that moment. He didn’t know what this was or why he felt such a connection, but as Eddie and he talked quietly over Chris, smiling and laughing in the calm of the night, Buck realized he hadn’t felt that settled in a long, long time.

They talked about anything and everything. It started with their jobs and life before Maple Hollow, but before they knew it, they got into more personal stuff. The texting had been nice, but Buck was glad they were finally having a real, face-to-face conversation.

Eddie talked about his family a little, calling them a bit controlling, but Buck could tell they were probably much worse. Either Eddie didn’t want to go into detail, or he was just too nice for his own good. He mentioned that they were more “traditional” and expected things from him that he just couldn’t give.

That seemed to be a pattern in his life—being expected to be something he wasn’t.

Buck could tell that his relationship with his ex had similar elements, but it was clear Shannon had been a victim of those expectations too. Buck felt bad for both of them, for the things they’d had to go through at such a young age.

In return, Buck talked about his own past, excluding some of the more unpleasant details, of course but he had a feeling Eddie sensed there was something more. A few times during the conversation, Buck caught him looking over with a thoughtful frown, as if searching for something he didn’t yet have the words for.

So yeah, he had a crush, and he was often distracted by thoughts of Eddie Diaz.

A devoted father whose life clearly revolved around his son. Hard-working, funny, and smart. He listened when Buck spoke—actually listened—not like the people who zoned out halfway through and let him ramble. Eddie remembered small details from their texts, asked thoughtful questions, and seemed genuinely interested in everything Buck said.

He was kind, too.

The way he was with Chris sent a warmth through Buck’s whole body. He clearly doted on him and wanted to protect him, but he also gave him space to figure things out on his own. He didn’t jump in to fix things, but instead waited—patient, quietly supportive—even when the boy struggled a little. Eddie would either smile encouragingly or rest a hand on Chris’s shoulder, saying without words, I know you can do it, but I’m right here if you can’t. It was such incredible parenting that Buck looked on in wonder. No wonder the boy was so independent and kind.

Seeing them never failed to brighten Buck’s days, and he treasured those moments now. He loved kids, and maybe he was a little biased, but Chris was probably the best one he’d ever met.

He didn’t quite know where any of this was going, since Eddie was a single father with a demanding job and a clearly busy home life but Buck was happy to take what he could get and hopefully spend more time with them.

Which was exactly what he told the girls. And while he didn’t think it was especially sweet or anything, by the time he got into the details, they were aww-ing and ohh-ing. So maybe he said more than he intended to but he was glad to share it with people who loved him. It was possibly a little early to talk to Maddie or Hen, but still… It was nice to talk about it.

“I totally ship you two!” Amy clapped her hands joyfully. “Oh, this is so cute! Buck, you so deserve this,” she added, smiling at him with sparkling eyes.

“You really do,” Clara said. “Seriously, and I’m rooting for you two.” She smiled at him genuinely.

Buck knew he was full-on blushing now, but he just felt so loved by their reactions. He, of course, had an older sister but it often felt like he’d found two younger sisters in Amy and Clara.

Two incredibly nosy but well-meaning sisters who would be there for him no matter what.

***

A week later Buck was done with his daily walk and was about to get some coffee when he entered the coffee shop down the street and saw Eddie inside, talking to the barista. Buck smiled automatically and moved toward him as if drawn by a magnet.

“Hey, Eddie!”

Eddie looked up from the coffee he’d just gotten, and a surprised smile took over his face. Buck stopped for a moment to gather himself—because whoa, why did Eddie need to look so beautiful on a random afternoon in a small coffee shop?

He looked at Buck, paused for a moment and then said, “Hey, Buck! How are you doing?”

“Oh, you—you know, the usual. I just had my morning walk and was about to get some coffee.”

“No accidents this time, thankfully,” Eddie laughed, then suddenly froze, covering his face with his free hand. “Oh god, sorry. I’m sorry. That was a terrible attempt at a joke.”

He winced but Buck just laughed. “Hey, no, it’s fine. And yeah, I’m here safe and sound.”

“Good, that’s good,” Eddie nodded a few times, then seemed to remember something. “Oh—are you free on Friday? I was gonna text you today, but now that we’re here, I can ask you in person,” he said.

And Buck’s brain shut down for a moment. Was he…? Was he asking Buck out?

But Eddie continued, “Chris wants to have a pizza and board game night, and I thought you might like to join us?” he asked, a hopeful look on his face.

Buck was… yeah, maybe he was a little disappointed, because Eddie asking him out on a date would’ve been super nice. But he collected himself quickly and grinned, saying, “Yeah! Totally! I’m free, and I’m up for pizza and gaming any time.”

“Great!” Eddie replied. “I need to go, but I’ll text you the details,” he said, and after they said goodbye, he left the shop.

Okay. So it seemed like Eddie was going for the friends route here. That was cool. Totally fine. It wasn’t like Buck had asked him out anyway. He’d invited them for dinner, and now Eddie was doing the same. Buck wanted to make friends here, didn’t he? So this would be exactly that. A friendship.

That was great.

He sighed, shoulders slumping, and turned to the barista to place his order.

***

It was 7 p.m. on a Friday, and Buck was standing in front of a nice house, about to knock on the door. Eddie had texted him like he said and sent him the address a few days ago. He told Buck not to bring anything, but he didn’t feel comfortable showing up empty-handed, so he got a six-pack and drove here.

He was a little nervous, which didn’t entirely make sense, because this was now a low-stakes friendship. It was expected to be nervous when you thought the friendship had the potential to turn into something more, but this thing was clearly not going in that direction. Because if Eddie wanted it? Buck had left that door wide open. He could’ve just asked Buck out, suggested it be just the two of them this time, and Buck would be down for it. Immediately. But instead, he invited him over for a friendly pizza-board game night with his son.

So Buck had no reason to be this nervous, but his hand was sweaty and his heart was beating fast. He took a deep breath to calm himself down and knocked on the door. It didn’t take long for Eddie to open it.

He was wearing a white henley that was tight just the right amount and jeans that looked amazing on him. The man would probably look perfect wearing a sack to be honest, but he looked especially good tonight. He smiled slowly at Buck and invited him in. Buck followed him, thinking he’d probably follow Eddie anywhere at this point. Stop being pathetic, he reprimanded himself, knowing well enough that it wasn’t going to work.

Did it make sense? No. Was Buck completely gone? Apparently.

Walking into the living room, the first thing he noticed was the clutter. He had a lot of books lying around in his place too, and he absolutely loved that lived-in look but one glance at this place and you could immediately tell that Eddie had a kid. Toys in boxes, a half-finished drawing on the table, a brightly colored bag and hoodie on the hook by the door. Buck smiled as he took it all in.

He liked that the place had more of a traditional family-home feel, rather than the polished, soulless gray houses that were everywhere these days. He liked his place being clean, but he didn’t like it when homes looked like waiting rooms in a dental clinic. This was anything but that even though it was mostly decorated in beige and brown tones. Nothing too bright or shiny, but the mismatched furniture, which looked more handed down than store-bought, created a sense of warmth.

“Chris not around?” Buck asked as he looked around.

“Oh, he’s in his room,” Eddie said. “He’ll be here in a few minutes. You want something to drink? Beer? Water? I think I have some soda too,” he added as he walked toward what Buck assumed was the kitchen.

So Buck followed and just said, “Some water, please.”

Eddie leaned against the counter and smiled. “So, did you get to talk to your sister?” he asked.

Buck had told him about it a few days ago.

“Oh, I did,” he replied quickly. “They’re gonna be here next week if it all goes to plan.”

“Well, that’s not too bad.”

“No, I think it’s great because the weather’s even gonna be warmer, so we can do outside stuff, you know? Take walks, have a picnic. Jee likes the park here.”

“That’s great. You know, we can—”

He was interrupted by the bell and moved from his position to walk toward the front door. “It must be the pizza. I’ll get it,” he said over his shoulder.

And then it was just the three of them—eating, laughing, and playing board games—until it was time for Chris to go to bed.

After the boy went to bed and everything was cleaned up, Eddie offered Buck a beer, and they went out to sit in the garden, taking advantage of the unexpectedly warm weather. They were sitting on lawn chairs side by side, and Buck was looking up at the stars, watching the sky quietly. One of his favorite things about Maple Hollow was that you could always see the stars, thanks to the minimal light pollution so skygazing had become a hobby of his. He mentioned as much to Eddie, who joined him in looking up, a smile etched on his face.

“It really is beautiful,” Eddie sighed. “You can’t get this in LA.”

Buck laughed. “No way, man. The beauties of small-town life.”

“Did you always want to live in one?” Eddie asked quietly.

“A small town?”

“Yeah.”

“Not particularly, no. It was actually…” Buck hesitated. “My fire captain recommended this place, and before that, it didn’t even cross my mind, to be honest,” he said, shaking his head.

“Well, you seem to like it now, so your captain clearly knows you well,” Eddie said. “Were you two close?” he asked, then quickly added, “Feel free to skip the question, Buck. I just… want to get to know you, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Uh, no, it’s fine,” Buck said, and felt surprisingly relaxed about the whole thing. Was he really about to tell Eddie about the incident that caused him to quit firefighting? Why was he this laid-back about it? Maybe I am finally healing, Buck thought to himself. Or maybe I trust Eddie that much.

Which was… a weird thought to have, but he wasn’t in the habit of lying to himself anymore. Something about Eddie felt safe, and he wasn’t going to deny that.

“No problem. And yeah…” He took a deep breath. “We were—no, are—super close. Bobby, my ex-captain… I mean, he’s more of a father to me than my actual father ever was. I was sort of a mess when I first joined the force, and he took me under his wing. Helped me help myself, basically, and he’s been there for me ever since.”

“That sounds amazing, actually,” Eddie replied, smiling. “A mentor like that can be a game-changer.”

“Yeah, it absolutely was. But the actual game-changer for me was the fire truck incident.”

Well. There it was. He had just said it.

“The fire truck incident? What happened? I mean, if you want to—”

“Yeah, yeah, I want to. I want to tell you, Eddie. I don’t know why exactly, but I trust you, and I want to tell you,” he replied.

“I want to tell you everything for some reason,” he added, and continued without giving Eddie a chance to reply.

Eddie was looking at him with wide eyes, mouth open, and cheeks slightly red.

Buck turned away from him—because if he didn’t, he might do something actually stupid, like go in for a kiss. So he laid back down and looked up at the stars again.

“A fire truck fell on my leg,” he began, ignoring Eddie’s gasp of horror. “There… There was a truck bombing, and after that, the truck… it just… it fell on my leg and crushed it—”

“Wait, Buck.”

Eddie looked shell-shocked now. And horrified.

“Back up—back up for a second,” he said, raising his hands as if to physically stop Buck. “What do you mean crushed? You can still walk.”

“Yeah, I—uh, I’ve recovered enough to live a pretty regular life, but I’m pretty limited when it comes to strenuous activity. I can never be a firefighter again, for example,” he said, feeling that familiar burn in his chest that would probably never go away.

“How—how did you survive that? How were you even saved?” Eddie asked incredulously.

And Buck thought… he had a point. So he got into the painful details of what had happened that day.

By the end, Eddie was looking up at the sky too.

He just said, “I’m sorry, Buck. I’m so sorry. You deserved better. But also… seeing you here now? Seeing you this full of life, this kind and bright…” He looked at Buck, eyes shining. “I am honestly amazed by you.”

“I don’t know, man,” Buck said, shaking his head. “I just survived, you know? I don’t know if it's that admirable.”

“But you didn’t just survive, Buck,” Eddie emphasized. “You’re still in contact with your family in LA, you have a great business here, employees who like you, and you also have Chris and me now. You have a nice place, you have hobbies, you’re experiencing life, Buck—you’re not just surviving. You’re living. You lived despite everything. And yes, that is admirable.”

“Oh wow—thank you. That’s… that’s kind of you to say. I mean, I’m doing my best, but some days… I can’t help but feel like I’ll always have a life unlived in LA. A life that was supposed to be, but got cut short, you know? Like I can never be someone else because that was meant for me. That was my calling, and I don’t know if I’ll ever feel that way again. Feel like I’m doing something meaningful with my life,” he said, a little desperately.

Because Buck didn’t always feel that way, but the thoughts were always there, buried somewhere deep. He dealt with them in therapy. He dealt with them every single day. And they didn’t always overwhelm him. They didn’t always win. But that didn’t mean they’d completely disappeared.

Like grief, he thought. You just grow around it.

“I don’t know about you,” Eddie started, “but I think life would be pretty underwhelming if we all had only one calling. I mean, you give meaning to it, you know? All that therapy and one thing I learned for sure is that a meaningful life is whatever you make of it.

“I know about the pressure, Buck. And this urge to be a certain way, like you only matter if you’re a firefighter. But you’re not just that, you know? You were never just that.

“Maybe it came at a time when you were a little lost and helped you become who you are now. And it is, of course, a part of your identity. But that doesn’t mean it was all you were. I mean, I’m sure Firefighter Buckley was a great guy, but I really, really like the Buck I met here. The one who owns a bookstore. The friendly guy folks in town like to check up on. The guy who just radiates safety and warmth…”

He looked Buck right in the eyes.

“So, coming from someone who met you after your firefighter career—you, the you as you are right now, make my life better just by being in it. And I know a lot of people would say the same.

And that’s no small thing, Buck,” he finished softly, smiling a little.

Buck was not going to kiss Eddie Diaz today. He was not.

Only…

He was beautiful. And he was saying the most wonderful things. And Buck was relaxed in a way he rarely was around people these days. He had told him about his past, and Eddie was still looking at him softly, offering that quiet but strong support. He was just there—seeing Buck. Understanding.

So Buck blinked and smiled back. Then, he leaned forward a little, giving Eddie time to move if he wanted to. But Eddie was still laid back in his chair, looking up through his lashes as if to challenge him.

Encouraged, Buck leaned down and looked into his eyes. They were shining in the dark—all soft and so, so lovely.

He braced himself on the side of Eddie’s chair, and he heard Eddie mutter “Finally” just before their lips touched.

Oh.

It made sense now. All of it.

The insane crush he had on this man. The way he was acting like a teenager around him. He was one step away from doodling Eddie Diaz with little hearts around it on random pieces of paper for God’s sake. But he wasn’t going insane.

This was actually different. It wasn’t Buck obsessing, or him latching onto someone just because he needed something.

It wasn’t Buck losing himself in passion. On the contrary he had never felt this grounded. As Eddie opened up and Buck explored his mouth, he felt like he was tethered to the world in a way he’d been craving. It felt real.

He felt real.

Eddie put one hand on the back of his neck and pulled Buck toward him. Buck went willingly, and they kissed for… he wasn’t sure how long. Time seemed to slip away. It moved slower somehow, yet he also felt frozen in the moment, like everything had stopped. He pulled back for a moment.

Eddie whined, eyes still closed.

“Where are you going? Come back.”

He opened his eyes and used his free hand to fist Buck’s shirt, pulling him down again.

“I think I was crushing you a little,” Buck said, laughing.

“That kiss was amazing, so I honestly don’t care if you do crush me,” Eddie replied, laughing back.

“Okay, but I don’t want to,” Buck said, and pecked him on the lips.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m not fragile,” Eddie said, raising his eyebrows and pushing himself up slightly.

“See? No possibility of little me being crushed now. Come here, Buckley,” he ordered.

And Buck?

Well, he was good with orders.

Chapter Text

Eddie was about to text Buck when the man himself showed up out of nowhere, walking into the break room. Eddie looked up, surprised, and Buck grinned at him.

He’d asked if he could visit Eddie at work last night, and Eddie had thought about it only for a second before agreeing. This was a small town, and people would talk but he was tired of acting a certain way just to avoid that. So let them talk, he’d thought, and told Buck he could visit during one of his breaks.

“Hey,” the man in question said shyly and Eddie wasn’t sure how a man this big could be this adorable, but Buck was somehow pulling it off.

So he stood up, quickly glanced around, and walked over to greet Buck with a kiss. It was more of a peck, because they were at his place of work but when he pulled back, Buck had that dreamy, beautiful smile on his face.

“Hi,” Eddie said, already feeling a little out of breath. The Evan Buckley effect, ladies and gentlemen.

Eddie had basically been walking on clouds since the night before. He hadn’t expected the kiss, but it had felt so right. The closeness he felt with Buck was unlike anything he’d experienced before. Nothing had felt rushed, nothing had felt out of place when Buck leaned down and kissed him. It was probably the best kiss of his life and Eddie was definitely more than ready to take things further but Buck had said he wanted to take it slow.

Said he wanted to get to know Eddie, to do this properly.

Looking back, he’d been totally right because Eddie could see the potential too.

This could be something.

They could be something.

So he understood Buck’s need to be careful, almost protective of what was forming between them. Otherwise, Eddie would’ve climbed that man like a tree and ideally never let him leave his bedroom again. Damn responsibilities and everything else. Buck was just too perfect to let go.

But he’d done the right thing.

He’d kissed Buck one last time, told him good night, and watched him go.

And now, here he was, standing in front of Eddie, holding two coffees, looking absolutely adorable and hot at the same time, basically testing Eddie’s patience.

“Is that for me?” Eddie asked, pointing at the coffee.

“Oh, yeah I thought you might need some. Today being a busy day and all,” Buck replied.

“Well, it sure is,” Eddie said, thinking of his hectic morning. He’d been running around since he arrived, but just looking at Buck—and that sunshine smile—made everything feel easier.

“Come on,” he said, gesturing toward the corner of the room where there was a table and two chairs. Thankfully, they were alone.

And then—“Wait, does this constitute a first date?” he asked suspiciously.

“Nope. Never. I’m taking you somewhere nice for that,” Buck said, shaking his head.

“Oh, good. And I’ll take you somewhere nice too, Buckley” Eddie grinned as he reached for the coffee.

Buck grinned back. “I’m sure you will, Diaz.”

“So, your sister and niece,” Eddie said, taking a sip. “They’re arriving tomorrow?”

“Oh, right—they are. Early in the morning. They’ll leave Sunday evening, and then you and I can plan that first date. What do you say?”

“I actually love that idea,” Eddie replied.

They talked about their upcoming date, the hospital, Chris, the store and Eddie felt like he could really get used to this. Buck as a friend had been a great thing, but this?

Buck looking at him like he was something to be treasured? Thinking of him, visiting him at work, bringing him coffee and greeting him with a kiss?

Oh, he could get so used to this. And maybe it should’ve been scary, the way it already felt so important.

But instead, Eddie felt nothing but calm as he watched Buck talk animatedly about a new book—hands moving, eyes bright.

***

It was a quiet Saturday afternoon in Maple Hollow, and Eddie had just ordered a coffee to go when he heard someone say his name. He turned around to see that it was Buck and a woman with dark hair sitting at one of the tables in the back of the shop.

“Eddie, hi!” Buck stood up and walked toward him with a nervous smile. Eddie tilted his head in confusion because the woman was obviously Maddie, so why did Buck look nervous?

“Hi,” he said. “Are you guys having some quality sibling bonding time?” he asked mildly, looking at the woman at the back, who smiled at him sweetly and stood up too.

“Uh—yeah—that’s Maddie and, oh—”

“Hi, it’s Eddie, right?” she asked, interrupting Buck, who looked a little betrayed by the whole thing.

“Yeah, and you must be Maddie,” he said, reaching to shake her hand. She seemed nice.

“Oh, I was just telling Buck to invite you to have coffee with us,” she said, and that explained Buck’s weird reaction. This was still very new, so he probably didn’t want to do the whole meeting-the-family thing. Which was totally understandable, so Eddie just needed to escape this coffee shop.

“Well, I’d like to, actually, but I’m a little busy today, so—”

“Oh, it’s just one coffee. We need to leave shortly too,” she insisted and well, Eddie wasn’t about to act rude toward his (hopefully) soon-to-be boyfriend’s sister.

“Uh, alright then. Let me get my coffee and I’ll join you guys,” he said with a smile.

“Great!” Maddie clapped her hands together and turned around to walk toward one of the tables.

Buck put a gentle hand on his arm.

“I’m sorry, Eddie,” he said, looking apologetic. “I tried, but I couldn’t stop her when she figured out who you were.”

“Hey, no problem,” Eddie replied calmly. Buck was clearly nervous, and Eddie wasn’t gonna make it worse. “It’s just a coffee, it’s cool. Come on,” he said encouragingly.

“I—I know, but we haven’t even been on one date yet, and here I am making you meet my sister,” he winced.

“Buck, come on. We didn’t meet last week, and yes, we haven’t been on a date yet, but we’ve known each other for a while. We’re friends. Seriously, it’s cool,” he reassured the other man, and linked their hands together.

Buck looked at him in surprise, so Eddie asked, “Is this okay?”

“Oh. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Totally,” he said, smiling shyly. They waited for Eddie’s order, still holding hands, and then went to join Maddie together.

***

It went fine, which was a relief because sure, Eddie tried to stay calm, but he’d literally just met Buck’s sister, one of the most important people in his life, if not the most important.

He was now on his way back home to Chris, so he took a few moments to think things over. He had a tendency to overthink interactions like that and then worry about having said the wrong thing, but he genuinely felt good about the whole thing except maybe one little bump.

They’d only spent a short time together, but even in that time Eddie could easily see that Maddie loved Buck with all her heart. Also, she and Eddie immediately hit it off over their shared love of scones and Maple Hollow.

Maddie was actually so sweet that he wondered how both siblings turned out so well. He knew a little about the Buckley parents, and honestly, these two were walking miracles.

But then Buck asked about the firehouse, and the conversation shifted to a part of Buck’s life Eddie wasn’t that familiar with yet. They’d talked about it before of course but he still didn’t feel like he knew all the details and all the people that were a part of Buck’s life before moving to Maple Hollow.

And that’s where things maybe went a little south but Eddie wasn’t exactly sure.

“How is everyone doing there?” Buck asked casually.

“All good, but—oh! They have a new recruit. Some girl called Olivia who is, well… let’s just say she’s a bit too similar to someone we all knew once,” Maddie said with a mischievous smile.

“Oh?” Buck asked, suspicious. “Who?”

“Well, let’s see if this sounds familiar. She’s a bit of a wild card and puts herself in danger so often that Bobby says he’s gotten new grey hairs since recruiting her,” she said.

Buck laughed. “Oh boy, another one?”

“Yep,” Maddie laughed, and turned toward Eddie, who was looking between them with a slight frown, a little lost.

“It’s Buck, Eddie,” she said. “I don’t know if he told you, but Buck 1.0 was a lot to handle.”

“Buck 1.0?” Eddie asked.

“I—uh, I was a little reckless when I first joined the 118 and got myself into trouble a lot at work,” Buck replied.

“A little?” Maddie added, teasing.

“Well, maybe a lot,” Buck admitted, looking sheepish.

Maddie laughed and said, “Well, at least Olivia isn’t doing the whole Buck 1.0 thing. She’s actually in a stable relationship, so no worries there.”

Eddie saw the moment Buck tensed.

“What does that mean?” he asked neutrally, looking at Buck but he also saw Maddie hesitate for a moment, like she’d just said something she shouldn’t have.

“I—uh, I was… well, I used to sleep around a lot,” Buck replied, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

“Okay,” Eddie said mildly. Okay, no big deal.

He knew Buck had been a bit wild when he first joined the 118, but they hadn’t had much time to talk about each other’s romantic pasts. Eddie had only talked about Shannon because she was such a big part of everything else, and it was impossible to separate his past from her. But Buck hadn’t said much—and of course he didn’t need to—but the way he looked right now made Eddie feel a little unsettled.

“I mean, I was looking for something more, but I didn’t think I could have it, so I just… went for whatever people were offering,” Buck continued, probably sensing Eddie’s confusion. “I met someone later who helped me navigate a real relationship, but that didn’t last. And the others didn’t either,” he finished. He wrung his hands together on the table, looking down at them with a slight frown.

It’s not the time nor the place for this, Eddie thought. Buck looked uncomfortable as hell, and Eddie wasn’t going to push it.

Not now.

He was, of course, worried. He wasn’t judging Buck—it wasn’t like he had any right to, not when he’d made his own fair share of mistakes before Maple Hollow. And would they even be considered mistakes? That’s what a lot of young people did before settling down, didn’t they?

He didn’t have the details, so he wasn’t actually that worried about what Buck did or didn’t do when he was younger.

The thing that worried him was Buck’s reaction to the whole thing. He tried to make himself smaller, like he was ashamed. He seemed almost… guilty? That didn’t sit right with Eddie. Because why was Buck so uncomfortable about the whole thing? Did he do something? Did something else happen?

Eddie wasn’t going to jump to conclusions. So he made a mental note to talk about it later and decided to shift the topic, telling them about Chris and his latest school project under the pretense of asking Buck’s opinion.

It worked, and the rest of the conversation went more smoothly, if you didn’t count the way Buck looked a little miserable.

Eddie heaved a sigh as he arrived home and unlocked the door.

It was probably nothing but he felt like he needed to do something.

And he was going to do it tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Buck was not having a good morning. He was on his second cup of tea already, and it did nothing to calm his nerves.

Why did Maddie have to talk about it? Why did Buck have to talk about those things in the middle of a shop, with Eddie there?

He couldn’t sleep a wink last night, because suddenly it all came back like a very personal attack. The way he was before joining the 118, the way he craved affection, the way he couldn’t separate love from sex. How desperate he was for it—how he chased after the crumbs of love but never found it, never got it.

The loneliness, the self-loathing, the emptiness.

It wasn’t something he was eager to think about, and he was even less eager to talk about those times with Eddie, of all people. He would, eventually, just like he did with the firetruck thing. But this felt even harder to talk about, because it was more personal. It wasn’t something that happened to him—it was something he did.

It was all him.

It was embarrassing, how he clung to people. How he tried to find love in the eyes of people who wouldn’t even look at him twice once they were done with him.

And they were always done with him, weren’t they?

He actually felt envious when people talked about sleeping around when they were young and how fun that was. Like it was just a wild time where they didn’t care about much, didn’t want to settle down yet, so they had their fun.

It wasn’t fun for Buck.

It never had been.

At the time, he thought he was having fun. But now, looking back? He clearly remembered the pang in his chest each time he woke up alone and went on with his life. Each time someone told him they weren’t looking for something serious. Each time they said it was “fun.” Each time they just said goodbye and left.

He even said it first sometimes just to protect himself. Left first. Acted like it didn’t matter, like he was the one looking for something casual.

But in his heart, he knew he wanted more.

And then he got more.

But then they left. And kept on leaving.

And that was where Buck was losing the plot because he was always the one who was left behind, even when he thought he’d finally found something real. Even when he was honest about what he wanted and risked it all.

Why did people still leave?

What if they had a point?

What if they were right to leave?

What if they saw something in him he couldn’t see himself?

What if this thing with Eddie ended like all the others?

He was pretty sure he would never be the same if it did. He couldn’t be because this was different.

He’d been falling since the moment he saw Eddie walk into the store and smile at Chris lovingly. Each interaction made him fall a little more, until he wasn’t sure if he was falling or flying anymore.

It was terrifying in its own way, and Buck couldn’t name it yet—not exactly—but he was almost certain where this was headed.

Someone calling his name snapped him out of it, and he looked up to where he was standing, holding a book about dinosaurs.

Oh no.

Eddie.

And he was smiling.

He looked a bit unsure but he was here. And very real. And very handsome.

He walked towards Buck, leaned down to kiss him on the cheek.

“Hey. I was calling your name for a while,” he said, frowning slightly. “You doing okay?”

Buck took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I was just in my head a little, I guess,” he replied, trying to sound calm and collected. He was probably failing. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “Can I offer you anything? Tea? Coffee?”

“Oh, thanks, but I need to go home to make dinner,” Eddie said. “I just wanted to see you, because you seemed a bit uncomfortable yesterday, and I thought I’d check on you. I know the whole thing was a little unexpected, so I’m sorry if I intruded. That wasn’t my intention,” he finished.

Eddie was perfect,wasn't he? He was worried about what he did even when Buck was the one who got all tense and weird in the middle of the conversation.

“No, no! It was great. I mean, I’m glad you and Maddie met. It was a little out of the blue, but I really wanted you to meet. Of course I did,” he reassured quickly.

“That’s good.” Eddie smiled in relief, and he was about to say something when another voice interrupted them.

“Hey, Eddie! What are you doing here?”

It was a guy.

A hot blonde guy, wearing scrubs under his coat. Someone from work?

“Oh, I was saying hi to Buck here. Buck, this is Conrad, he’s a surgeon at the hospital,” Eddie said, gesturing to Buck. “And Conrad, Buck is my…” He suddenly hesitated.

So Buck intervened.

“I’m a friend. We met when Eddie and Chris came shopping for books,” he said with a smile.

There was something about this guy. Something annoying. Buck felt like the man was looking down on him even without saying anything.

“Oh? So you work here?” Conrad asked, with a smirk that was clearly meant to be condescending.

Okay then.

Buck raised his eyebrows. “Uh, sort of—I own the store, so…” he finished a little uncertainly, because what was this guy’s problem?

Conrad looked briefly surprised, then recovered quickly. “That’s nice.”

Then he turned back to Eddie, completely dismissing Buck.

What the hell?

“Eddie, I was wondering if we could set up another date this weekend?” he asked pleasantly.

So you can be pleasant when you want to, Buck thought bitterly. Apparently, he was only nice to people whose pants he was trying to get into.

Also… date?

Buck looked between them, waiting for an explanation. Because—what?

“Oh, the playdate?” Eddie asked, frowning. “I mean, sure, I can ask Chris if he wants to,” he added when the other man nodded. Then he turned to Buck.

“Conrad has a son the same age as Chris, so we sometimes arrange hangouts for them,” he explained.

“That’s nice,” Buck said, but he wasn’t even sure if he’d blinked in the last few minutes.

Awkward silence. Nice.

“Well, I should be on my way. I’m flying to Italy tomorrow, so I need to get ready for my flight. Eddie, there’s still time to change your mind,” Conrad said with a grin. “I can pull some strings for you,” he added, with a sleazy smile.

What the fuck?

This guy needed to leave. Now.

“Uhm… well… Thanks, Conrad. Really, I appreciate it but like I said, I have other plans,” Eddie replied.

“Oh. Sure, of course. Well. See you around then. I’ll be in contact.”

“Right. Of course. See you.”

Buck knew he was full on frowning by now, but he didn’t even care.

Who even was this guy?

Who did he think he was, doing all that right in front of Buck?

Okay, maybe they weren’t official but that didn’t stop Buck from being annoyed.

“I’m sorry Buck, he’s a little persistent,” Eddie said, rolling his eyes. “Well, I need to go home. You’re good, right?” he asked softly, looking Buck right in the eye as if to catch him if he lied.

Well, Buck wasn’t half bad at lying about this.

“I’m okay, Eddie,” he smiled.

But Eddie frowned, still looking worried.

“Okay. I’ll call you tonight,” he said firmly, and then turned to leave, reaching over to kiss Buck on the cheek before he did.

Buck stood there for a while after he left. He wasn’t sure how long. But seeing Conrad didn’t help matters. That much, he was sure of.

It was infuriating how clearly that guy was lusting after Eddie. Of course, realistically, anyone would lust after Eddie. But did that asshole have to look like that, too?

And a surgeon?

A tall surgeon with green eyes who looked like he was carved from marble?

You think you can compete with that? What can you even offer him?

The voice was just as condescending as Conrad’s.

It sounded familiar but also strange like it hadn’t been this loud in a while.

It hadn’t. Buck had been doing okay. Not so much now, though.

Why would he be with you?

Why would he choose you?

Why would he stay when all the others left?

And what about Chris? Buck had never really interacted with children that much, even if he loved them—in theory. So how would he even be enough for him?

He had money but he wasn’t good with it. He knew he looked good but physically, he would never be whole again. He’d always have this chronic pain, this lingering trace of what had happened to him.

He was nothing but a mosaic of scars, half-healed wounds, and half-lived lives.

Buck felt his chest tighten.

His breath came short.

He had to center himself, ground himself somehow, just to avoid a panic attack.

He knew he would be devastated if they started something and then Eddie left.

But also… What if he didn’t leave?

What if he stayed but settled?

All those people left because there was clearly something wrong with Buck.

So what if Eddie saw it too—but never got out?

What if he stayed out of loyalty? He was too nice for his own good and had a gentle heart. He was a healer. What if he saw the same thing everyone did but still stayed out of a wish to fix Buck?

That would be worse than anything.

Because then Buck would have to live with the fact that he wasn’t making the man he loved happy. The opposite, even.

Wait.

The man he loved?

Fuck.

Of course.

The feeling he couldn’t name? The intensity? The fear?

Of course he was in love and this was just the perfect time to realize it.

He did see it coming, but subconsciously he thought he still had time. Time to get out before it was too late or time to stop it before he got in too deep. But it was impossible, wasn’t it? Not to fall in love with Eddie. How could you not? When his very presence made Buck feel like he was whole, as if he was finally seen and accepted. The softness the man had brought to his life, the way he knew Buck, the way Buck got to know him. It was impossible not to lose yourself in that.

And Buck knew he was losing it. He was actively aware that his thoughts were working against him.

But he wasn’t sure how to pull himself back from the edge.

What do you have to offer?

The voice repeated.

A voice that sounded eerily like every person who had ever left.

Chapter Text

I wasn’t even waiting for the other shoe to drop, Eddie thought to himself as he looked up at the stars, sitting in his garden. He was slumped back in the same chair he’d been sitting in when Buck kissed him—but this time, he was alone.

It had all started so well.

So, so well that he hadn’t even considered the possibility of something going wrong.Then it just did, and it hit Eddie so hard he was now cursing himself for not being prepared. For letting go. For enjoying this too much.

He’d made a mistake. He got too comfortable and now had to be reminded that he didn’t get to have things like this. That he didn’t get to lower his guard. That a devastating blow could come at any moment.

And it did.

And he wasn’t even sure what happened.

***

Earlier

Something’s wrong, Eddie thought as he drove home from the store. He wasn’t sure what happened there, but Buck was lying when he said he was fine.

He was still thinking about the interaction and if maybe he said something wrong when he got home, but he tried not to focus on it too much. Instead, he spent the rest of the day with Chris.

But he also realized he wasn’t going to be able to sleep without talking to Buck about this, so he called him after mulling it over for forty-five minutes.

“Hi, Buck. What are you doing?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Hey, Eddie. I–uh–I was watching TV. What’s up?”

“Can you come over? I need to… I need to see you,” he said, then added, “I need to talk to you.”

“Is everything okay there?”

He didn’t sound exactly fine when he first picked up, but now his voice carried a worried edge, too.

“Yeah, yeah. I just—” he sighed. “I just feel like we need to see each other. Is that alright?”

“Of course, yeah, sure” Buck replied and if he sounded a little reluctant?

Eddie would ignore it for now.

***

Fifteen minutes later, he was at Eddie’s door, smile looking forced and Eddie immediately knew he’d done the right thing.

“Hey, come in,” he said, and watched as Buck stiffly walked in.

“Hi,” Buck said, standing in the middle of the living room, wringing his hands.

Eddie was getting really worried now, so he took a deep breath and walked closer. He put his hands on Buck’s, looked up and tried to sound gentle when he said, “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

Buck looked up from his hands—and he looked… he looked sadder than Eddie had ever seen him.

Oh no.

“Do you want to sit? Come on,” he tried, but Buck just shook his head.

“Eddie—I—I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I can’t do this. I just—I can’t do this. I—I’m not the one, Eddie. I’m not the one who’s supposed to be here,” he finished, looking miserable.

“Buck, you’re not making sense. Of course you’re supposed to be here. What does that even mean?” he asked, frowning, terrified of where this conversation was already going.

“Look, I—I don’t think I’m cut out for this. I mean, you heard it all yesterday, didn’t you? Why do you even want me when I’m… this—” he spread his hands and gestured to himself.

He continued, seeming desperate to be heard, but he was still not making sense. Not to Eddie.

“I was sleeping around, having sex with anyone who wanted me, just to feel something. Each time, they left, Eddie. Even when I tried—they just left,” he finished, deflating.

He whispered quietly now, “Something’s wrong with me. They saw it, and they ran.” He pulled back from Eddie even more and walked away.

“What do you mean? Your relationships didn’t work because something is fundamentally wrong with you?” he asked. “Then there’s something wrong with all of us, Buck. Every single one of us. Hell, I’m standing here with a failed marriage on me.”

Buck shook his head. “No, Eddie, you don’t get it. This is different, okay? I’m not put together. I am not whole. Not physically, not mentally. I am… I’m not worthy of this, any of this” he gestured around.

He kept going, words coming out quieter now. “I don’t deserve this. I will never be enough. I call him Buck 1.0 like I’ve evolved or something, but inside I’m still starved for love, and I’m still desperate, and I’m lost, and it shouldn’t be your job to find me, Eddie. Not when it’s such a hard task. Not when I can’t even find myself after all this time.”

Eddie paused and looked at him. His face was blotchy, as if he’d already been crying before coming here and his eyes were shining with unshed tears.

“But I want to,” he insisted, finally. “I want to, Buck. I want to come to you. I want to find you and be with you. All this time we were hesitant and scared, and now that we’re about to take a step, are you going to run this time?” Eddie asked furiously. “And you’re not whole? I’m not either. Most days I feel like I’m still a 19-year-old kid pretending to be an adult, and I feel like I’m messing everything up. Like I’m messing Chris up. Do you think anyone—literally a single person in this town—feels like they have it all together? That’s just unrealistic. Life is messy. And so what if we are too?”

Buck didn’t seem convinced. “You deserve someone who could be there for you, Eddie. Look at me,” he pleaded. “I can’t even be there for myself. Look at me, losing it here. Losing it because—what? You’ve found out something about my past? I don’t know. I don’t know if this is the real me or if that was. I don’t know if I’m pretending to be okay, to be better, or if I actually am.”

Eddie was shaking slightly, because it wasn’t supposed to be this way. It wasn’t. Not this time. He was careful. He took things slow. He listened to his heart. He trusted his gut.

And now here they were.

Maybe I am the one with the problem. Maybe I pushed him away, he thought but at that moment, he also realized something else.

Was this a… was this a “it’s not you, it’s me” speech?

Was he literally the problem here?

Were they too much?

Did Buck realize that once Eddie met his family and things got more serious in his head? What was happening?

“Buck… is this your way of getting out of this?” he asked, with a slight tremble in his voice, feeling the burn in his eyes. Feeling betrayed beyond belief. “You’re scared of what you’re getting into, and now you’re trying to use your past to get out? Because I hope you know how much of an asshole behavior that is. You could tell me,” he said, careful not to raise his voice.

He walked toward Buck, standing in front of him, looking him right in the eye.

“Just tell me why, Evan,” he said determinedly. “The real reason. Because you know I don’t give a shit about your past. You know I want you just the way you are. There’s no way you don’t know that. So what is it? Tell me, please.” He wasn’t above begging, apparently..

Buck was quiet, but he was shaking his head with a horrified expression on his face.

Not this again.

This wasn’t Buck realizing what a mess he was, this was him realizing what a mess Eddie was.

Well, he wasn’t going to be made a fool. It wasn’t necessary to go down this route. Buck could just end things. No need to make it this painful.

“It happened before,” Eddie continued, with an icy calmness that was the opposite of what was going on inside his head. “People realizing what they’re getting into. The PTSD. My job. A child with special needs. My failed marriage… I have a lot to offer in that regard.” He laughed, but what came out sounded bitter to his ears. “The whole package, really. Anyway, like I said, it happened before—and I can handle it—but I wish you didn’t come here and lie to my face. I wish this wouldn’t end with the fucking It’s not you, it’s me speech, Buck.”

He sighed deeply.

“I think I at least deserved your honesty, but it looks like I’m not getting that from you. So leave, please. I have work tomorrow and I need to go to bed,” he said with a finality that potentially broke his own heart.

But he wasn’t falling for this. Whatever this was.

Buck looked… frozen but he suddenly shook himself, as if waking up.

“Eddie, no, you’re exactly what I need and you’re never too much, please” he began, but Eddie had enough. He had enough of people doing this. Enough disappointment to last a lifetime.

His voice didn’t seem to be his when he replied.

“Buck, leave. Please. Just leave. That’s all I’m asking. I don’t want any more of your excuses, and I don’t want to hear you telling me why we wouldn’t work as a couple. I’ve heard what I needed to hear. And I want you to leave. Now. We’re done.”

Buck looked like he was about to say something, but then his shoulders slumped, and he nodded, defeated.

He left the room quietly, closing the door with a final click.

***

Eddie felt like the previous night was a dream when he woke up. No, not a dream. A nightmare.

Evan Buckley, of all people, doing that?

Eddie had let himself be vulnerable because he thought he saw something real in Buck, a sincerity that most people didn’t have. But now it seemed like the guy was just good at faking it.

He wasn’t enough for Eddie?

How was that even possible, when Buck was literally the epitome of safety and warmth to him? When he brought unfiltered joy to his life?

Eddie wanted him. Wanted to be around him. To just share the same space. To breathe him in and get high on it.

The way he wanted to be surrounded by him, swallowed by him, left him speechless because he couldn’t recognize himself when he started thinking about Buck.

He felt wild. Uncensored. Free in a way he never was before, when he was with him.

He could just be.

Free of expectations, of judgment, of the resentment that followed him all throughout his life like a dark cloud.

He could be safe and wild with Buck, all at the same time.

What was that, if it wasn’t love?

He was a stranger to this feeling, but it wasn’t hard to figure out what it was. It wasn’t an earth-shattering realization, because deep down, Eddie somehow knew. How could he not?

When this feeling—when the very name of this man—was carved on his bones?

It had already settled there, waiting for him to acknowledge it.

So he did.

He loved Evan Buckley.

And he lost him without ever really having him.

He took his coffee and sat on the couch in the break room. Today was going to be a long day. But he would get through this. This was familiar territory.

He might have been a stranger to love but he wasn’t a stranger to heartbreak and disappointment, after all.

Chapter Text

“Can you stop moping for five seconds and help me find this book?” Amy asked in an annoyed voice, looking at Buck like he was personally to blame for the lost book.

“I don’t know where the book is, Amy,” he replied tiredly, dragging his hand over his face. He was in the middle of checking inventory — they were expecting a new shipment in a few hours. Clara was restocking one of the shelves, and Amy was… apparently looking for a book. It was probably for that annoying guy who came in this morning and wouldn’t shut up about his vitamin business.

As he closed his laptop to go get another cup of coffee (his fifth already?), Buck thought about the past few weeks, and a breath escaped him, low and defeated. He wasn’t sure what kind of hell this was, but it felt like it was one specially designed for him.

He saw Demon coming closer, so he picked him up and quietly moved to his favorite spot in the shop. He didn’t want to attract attention because the girls were either trying to smother him with love or straight-up bullied him these days. And the first was overwhelming. He didn’t need to be babied. The second felt redundant, since Buck had already gone through a stage where he tore himself down relentlessly.

Amy and Clara were both mad he’d messed things up with Eddie, but they were also sympathetic, as they could see how much it was affecting him. How he wasn’t doing that great.

Healing isn’t linear.

It sure isn’t, Buck thought, remembering his therapist’s words once again as he looked out the window.

Back in L.A., he went through a period where he felt healed, relatively fine, and things were going progressively well. But then he crashed hard after a rough day at work. They’d lost a kid, and he slid into self-doubt without meaning to.

He was suddenly back at square one.

He was worried because what about all the progress? Was it all gone? He was having the same thoughts he’d had in the beginning: questioning his worth, his place in the world, the whole nine yards.

Was this what it was going to be like?

What was the point of progress and healing if he was still going to spiral the moment something like this happened?

But that wasn’t how these things worked, apparently. You didn’t suddenly lose all of your progress just because you had a bad day, just because you didn’t hold it together once. You didn’t “solve” these things, put them in a box, and just put them away for good.

So Buck learned a lot about healing, growth, and change and he unlearned a whole lot too. Clawed his way to a better place, and he was doing better, even though he had sort of lost it a month ago.

Well, that was human. Maybe it took him a few extra therapy sessions to remember that, but it was okay.

Not easier, by any means, but it was okay.

He was going to be okay, too.

Eventually.

***

It had only been a month, and he was still processing that evening. How that conversation went. How they both hurt each other because they refused to believe they deserved better.

The thing was, Buck knew. He knew it wasn’t going to be pretty when he got there, when he saw Eddie. Eddie knew too, probably subconsciously, that there was no chance of that conversation ending well.

He told Eddie he wasn’t good enough for him. And then Eddie accused him of running because Eddie wasn’t good enough?

It was funny in a tragic way, because looking back, Buck was pretty much aware they weren’t really talking to each other that night. They were talking to themselves, and they were so lost in their own heads that neither of them could truly hear what the other was saying.

The volume of their doubts left space for nothing else in that room.

Buck had been too worried about being unlovable and Eddie had been screaming that he wanted to stay. That he didn’t care. That he wouldn’t leave, no matter what.

And Eddie? Eddie thought they would be too much for Buck.

Maybe they simply wanted it too much, cared about it too much, and all those emotions brought past wounds to the surface. The weight of it all made them lose their minds a little.

They could come back from that… couldn’t they?

Buck believed they could. But the problem was, he wasn’t sure Eddie was on the same page.

Because if he wasn’t, then he must hate Buck right now. He probably thought Buck bailed at the first hint of things getting serious. And Eddie was already protective. Of Chris. Of his heart. Of the life he’d fought tooth and nail for.

Eddie had been brave when he invited him into that life. Brave enough to hope. Brave enough to try.

And Buck had basically told him he wasn’t meant for them. So now he was sure Eddie had pulled all his defenses back up and rebuilt the walls around his heart, which made Buck hesitant.

Also, it had taken him a month to even get to this point, after long conversations with anyone who would listen and going back to therapy. But he still wasn’t sure where Eddie was mentally.

How was he supposed to approach Eddie without spooking him?

How could he convince him that this — this spiral — had been Buck regressing a little, and not because of anything Eddie or Chris had done?

Or maybe it was about them, but only because Buck wanted a life with them too much. So much that it terrified him with its depth.

He was still thinking about a strategy when the front door of the shop pushed open and Chris walked in.

Wait, Chris?

Alone?

Buck frowned as he gently let Demon down, standing up quickly, because why was the boy here? How was the boy here? Where was Eddie? Did something happen?

He didn’t want to scare Chris, so he slowly approached him.

“Hey-hey, buddy!” he greeted, trying to keep his voice cheery.

“Hi, Buck!” Chris grinned sweetly and went straight to Demon without giving Buck a second glance. He and the cat were practically besties.

Chris had laughed the first time he heard what the cat was called, then told Buck and Eddie very seriously that “he wasn’t a demon, he was just misunderstood.” Now he was petting the cat lovingly, like he didn’t have a single worry in the world.

Buck approached the pair.

“Chris, is your dad around?” he asked neutrally.

“Oh, no. He’s at home, sleeping after his shift. It was a long one,” Chris said casually.

Buck, however, was not calm. He quickly pulled out his phone and called Eddie, biting his nails as he paced the shop. It rang and rang, but no one answered. He was probably still sleeping, unaware that Chris wasn’t home.

God, what would happen when he woke up and realized?

Buck had to reach him. He knew what to do — but first…

“Chris, hey,” he said, crouching down beside the boy and the cat, careful of his knee.

“Would you like to tell me why you left home without telling your father?” he asked gently, quietly.

Chris looked down, focusing intently on the cat. Buck saw the small frown forming. He murmured something, but Buck couldn’t hear him.

“What was that, buddy?” he asked softly.

Chris looked up, eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry,” he said, sniffling. “I missed you and I missed Demon, and I wanted to come here but Dad was always busy and sad so—”

“Oh, come here,” Buck said, his voice trembling as he barely held back his own tears. “Come here, sweetheart.”

He pulled the boy into a hug, careful not to squish Demon. The cat quietly slipped away as they embraced, and Buck held Chris close, speaking softly.

“I got you, Chris. And I missed you too. It’s okay.”

“Buck, Dad is really, really sad,” Chris said in a small voice.

Buck froze.

“What do you mean?”

“He… he’s not like himself. He smiles at me but then he looks away, and I can see that something’s wrong. He thinks I don’t see it, but I’m not a baby, you know,” he said, a little indignantly, and Buck had to smile. “I think he misses you.” Chris sighed sadly. “I just want him to smile again. Can you help? Because he was smiling more when you were around.”

Buck was not going to cry. Not when he was the adult here. Not when this kid needed support.

“You know what? I’ll talk to your dad,” he said, nodding encouragingly. “Maybe I can help, yeah?”

Chris smiled brightly and looked around again, probably looking for Demon.

“But first, we need to take you home, alright?” he said, meeting the boy’s eyes. “I’m sure your dad will worry if he wakes up and you’re not there. So let’s fix this first, okay?”

Chris nodded, and Buck stood up slowly and turned toward the front.

“Girls! I’m taking Chris home. Call me if you need anything!” he shouted toward the back.

He pushed the door open, hand resting lightly on Chris’s back as they stepped outside.

Ready or not, he had a job to do.

***

It was a short drive to the Diaz house; Chris had barely been gone an hour. If they were lucky, Eddie would still be asleep.

They let themselves in with Chris’s key, and Buck lingered in the entryway while the boy disappeared into his room to get changed. Buck had told him not to wake his dad, no need to worry Eddie yet. He was probably exhausted, and Chris was perfectly safe now. So Buck planned to stick around just long enough to make sure he stayed put this time. Then he’d explain everything to Eddie... and leave.

Solid plan.

Aside from the part where he had to face his sort-of-ex-boyfriend, whom he also happened to be madly in love with.

***

Buck was quietly sitting in the living room when Chris appeared again, half an hour later.

He told the boy to do his homework while he figured out how to kill time until Eddie got up.

“Hey, buddy. Everything okay?” he asked, turning around to look at him.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I was just getting hungry, so I’m going to get a snack,” Chris said, and walked toward the kitchen.

Oh, right. Dinner time was approaching.

Should Buck wake Eddie up? Should he make something? Would that be an invasion of privacy? But Chris was bound to get hungry, so Buck made the decision to invade a little and make them dinner. He was sure Eddie had set up an alarm or something, but Buck could help while he was here.

Eddie might get mad at him, but hell, it wasn’t like Buck was his favorite person right now anyway. And this was an extraordinary situation.

So he went into the kitchen, helped Chris find snacks, and then got to making them dinner. He was in the middle of cooking, focused on chopping, lost in his head, when he heard a loud, “What the hell?” and promptly nicked his finger.

He hissed and moved back from the chopping board, turning around to see a bleary-eyed Eddie looking at him as if he were seeing him for the first time. There was a pillow crease on his cheek, his hair was a mess, and he looked absolutely flawless.

They just looked at each other for a while, and then—

“Am I dreaming?” Eddie said, looking around as if trying to figure out whether this was real or not.

The beginning of a frown appeared on his face, and he asked suspiciously, “Is this a dream? Are you real?”

“Yes, yeah, I am. I— I mean it’s not a dream, and I’m sorry, Eddie. I can explain, and I will, I promise. But uh— do you— do you have a band-aid, please? To stop the bleeding?” he asked, clutching his finger with his other hand.

“Oh god,” Eddie exclaimed, and suddenly he was moving. “I—uh— I have a kit. Wait, I’ll get it.”

And he was a flurry of movement after that. When he came back, he approached Buck carefully, hesitantly, and asked, “Can I?”

“Uh— yeah— yes, of course.” He extended his hand toward him and mentally mourned the fact that it was the closest they’d gotten to each other since that night.

Eddie gingerly cleaned the wound and bandaged it. It looked small but was probably deep, because there was a lot of blood for such a tiny cut.

“All good,” Eddie said softly, and he was slow to let Buck’s hand go. Then he looked up, a strange look in his eyes that Buck couldn’t decipher.

“You—uh—well. Buck.” He licked his lips and swallowed. “What are you doing here?” He was whispering for some reason, and Buck moved from the counter he’d been leaning on.

That put him closer to Eddie, who took a step back, seeming afraid for a moment.

“Let’s sit, and I’ll explain. Is that okay? Can I stay?” Buck asked, uncertain.

Something passed through Eddie’s face, and he nodded.

“Yes. Yes, of course,” he replied.

“Well, uhm, Chris is perfectly fine and in his room right now.” Best to get that out of the way.

“Oh, no,” Eddie said, eyes wide.

“He just... uhm... he came to the store, Eddie. By himself. He took an Uber,” Buck quickly added when Eddie scrunched his face in confusion.

“He— what— how— Uber?? Oh my god,” he whispered. “My son left the house, took an Uber, and I slept through the whole thing.”

“He’s fine, and he’s at that age where these things happen, right?” Buck tried to say.

“Buck, I slept. through. the whole. thing,” he repeated, emphasizing each word. “What if something happened? What if someone took him? What if he got lost? My son ran away and I slept like a log all day. I’m a terrible father, aren’t I? Maybe my parents were right” he said, and he palmed his face.

He was breathing heavily at first, and no other sound came out, so Buck waited. But then he realized Eddie just…stopped and he was having trouble breathing, so he stood up and crouched in front of his chair. A lot of crouching for one man with chronic knee pain, he thought wryly.

“Look at me. Eddie. Look at me. I’m here. Breathe with me, come on,” he pleaded, and after a few minutes of practically begging in a soft voice, trying not to lose himself in his own panic, Eddie seemed to calm down a little.

He gasped, drew a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

Buck was now holding both of his hands in his, and he tried to move, but Eddie seemed to have another idea. He squeezed tight, then turned Buck’s hands over and started stroking them slowly, so tenderly that it almost brought tears to Buck’s eyes.

When he looked up, his eyes were shiny.

“You were making us food?” he asked quietly, almost a whisper.

“Yeah. Yeah, Chris was getting hungry, and I didn’t want to disturb you. You needed the sleep,” Buck replied, just as softly.

Eddie leaned forward and rested his head against Buck’s, closing his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so, so sorry, Buck. I shouldn’t—” His voice broke, and he swallowed roughly.

Buck reached out with one hand and placed it behind Eddie’s head, holding him like that, and said nothing but a stream of “It’s okay. I’m sorry. It’s okay.”

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that — quietly apologizing and forgiving — in that half-embrace, which turned into a full one as Eddie put one arm around Buck’s back and just pulled him toward himself.

One second there was a distance between them, and the next it was impossible to tell where one started and the other ended. Buck rested his nose in the crook of Eddie’s neck, breathed him in, and Eddie was quietly sniffling. Buck felt the wetness, but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t care if the world was ending at that moment.

Eddie sighed one more time, body trembling a little, and pulled back slowly. Buck was reluctant to go, and they both laughed when Eddie said, “I’m not going anywhere, but we need to feed the runaway.”

“Oh. Oh right,” Buck said, and, reaching out, he wiped Eddie’s tears with his thumb.

Then it was them quietly moving around the kitchen, smiling at each other, shy glances, and a softness Buck had missed so much.

It would break his heart if or when he had to leave tonight. He knew that. But he was going to take whatever he could. He was hopeful this time. There was a quiet sort of agreement between them. A peaceful silence.

A tenderness.

Dinner was a quiet affair, with a happy Chris telling them stories about what happened at school. Before dinner, Eddie had told him they’d talk tomorrow about what happened today, that he’d scared him to death and Chris nodded seriously, guiltily in response. But he seemed carefree now.

They all were.

After dinner and the clean-up, Eddie looked up at Buck in the kitchen and asked hesitantly if they could talk.

“Yeah,,” Buck answered easily.

“I know I said it like a thousand times tonight, but I’m so sorry,” Eddie started. They were both seated at the table, Buck with his tea and Eddie with a cup of coffee in front of him.

“I realized later that I may have taken things the wrong way. My own issues flared up and clouded my judgment. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. Sat down with you and tried to understand, but… you… Buck, you’re perfect to me. You’re out of my league,” he laughed a little sadly. “You’re smart, compassionate, beautiful inside and out, and I just thought — of course he wouldn’t want me. All this.” He shook his head and frowned.

He continued, sounding more sure now. “But it was just my own insecurities, because I’ve never wanted anything — anyone — as much as I want you,” he confessed quietly. “I’m not used to wanting things, Buck. I’m trying to learn, but I think when you came here… that night… everything just triggered my own panic response. Turns out wanting something this badly was actually a terrifying experience, but I’m,” he licked his lips, “I’m okay with being a little scared, Buck. I’m okay with it, as long as we’re together. I’m in love with you, and I will not run and hide this time. So I know I told you to leave that night, but tonight I want to ask if you’d like to stay. As much as you want. Forever, if it’s up to me,” he finished, and leaned back with a hopeful look.

“Eddie—” Buck said, but he wasn’t sure if he could say more. He was tearing up, choked by his own emotions, so he paused for a moment to collect himself.

“I love you,” he simply said, because he felt like he’d die if he didn’t say it. “And I will stay. I’ll stay as long as you and Chris want me here. And I’m so sorry for ruining this. We could’ve been together for a month by now, but instead I hurt us both. Also, I think we were on the same boat, because I was terrified that day. I thought you deserved better than me, Eddie. I thought you deserved something better, and I couldn’t stop feeling like I was never gonna be good enough.”

“We both need to go back to therapy, huh?” Eddie said, a beautiful smile forming on his face.

“Speak for yourself, I’m already back,” Buck replied cheekily.

They both laughed, and Buck added, “Seriously though. I’ve never felt this much for another person and it frightened me. It still does but I want this more than I want to protect myself. Can you forgive me?”

“Of course, Buck. Everything hurt so much until… until the moment I walked into this kitchen and everything felt right again. As it should be. It was as if my world finally righted itself.”

He continued, smiling a little, “And I scared you so bad you hurt yourself.”

“I was focused on my task, which, by the way, was making you and your son a delicious dinner,” Buck quipped.

“Well, thank you. It was delicious. And thank you for everything else, Buck,” he sounded more serious now.. “The dinner, bringing Chris here safely today, not leaving, just… being there for us. I don’t even know how to thank you.”

Buck was going to be brave once more. “Well… a kiss would be nice, actually. You know, as a thank you.”

“You think so?” Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, absolutely,” he nodded vehemently.

Eddie laughed and stood up. He reached out his hand for Buck to take, and then pulled him to his feet easily. It wasn’t the time to be impressed by how strong he was, but he truly was, and Buck was impressed.

Eddie pulled him toward himself, not letting go of his hand, and then looked up through his lashes.

“I love you, Evan,” he said, and when he drew closer, Buck met him right in the middle.

It was a quiet kiss, maybe a little hesitant at first, each afraid the other would pull back. But they didn’t and when they were both sure of themselves, the kiss got deeper.

Buck was somewhere in between being overwhelmed and feeling the lightest he ever had. He wasn’t sure if all kisses were supposed to make one feel this way or if it was just the Eddie Diaz effect.

He was sure about one thing, though. He wasn’t leaving anymore and even if he wasn’t good enough, it would be Eddie’s problem from now on, because Buck tasted him now, and nothing could pull him away from this.

This comfort, this safety he found in his arms.

The way the smoothness of Eddie’s lips and skin contrasted with hard muscle. A perfect combination of hard edges and softness, just like the man himself was.

“Soo…” Eddie started, smiling at Buck. “Totally unrelated but how do you feel about moving in before the first date?”

“Well..” Buck pretended to think. “It is a bit fast but we already did the love confessions and the half-break-up.”

“Half? That shit almost killed me Buck and you’re calling it half?” Eddie laughed, faking offense.

“I know, me too but it’s technically half because we couldn’t manage to date yet, so…”

Eddie pulled him towards himself again, held Buck’s face in both of his hands and kissed him quickly.

“There’s so much I want to do I don’t know where to start,” he confessed when he leaned back. “I want us to be a couple and do all the coupley things that have ever existed. Cute dates, hand holding, snuggling, cuddling, the whole experience.”

“How about we start with cuddling and go from there?” Buck suggested smiling and then it was them turning off the lights and heading to the garden.

It was their place now.

***

Eddie had once joked that he smelled like a hospital, but the smell was perfect to Buck. He inhaled it and lost himself in it. It wrapped around him like a soft blanket, filled him with a sense of belonging and relief as they cuddled on the too small chair and looked up at the stars together.

His eyes were heavy, he was so relaxed he felt like he would never be able to move from his spot under Eddie. The other man was sprawled all over him, tucked in between Buck’s legs, hair tickling Buck’s noise.

It was perfect.

The relief of being found coursed through Buck.

You can breathe now.

You’re home.

***