Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“den dey bew up mai house… BUT DAT ONLY MADE IT MOR FUN!,” Poob said, their voice ringing out through Infected's speakers along with a couple soft coughs from smoking their blunt wrong,”but now i gota clen evryting up fur da next parti :[“

“H0W 480U7 P4r7Y1N6 @ MY p14C3? 175 41r34DY 4 m355!!!,” Infected joked, before gasping as he got a MUCH better idea,”0r r0K34 7H47 P14C3 15 HU63!”

Poob looked to the side, “erm… da last tim I had a party at ur place, evry1 got sick and I had 2 stay in bed 4 so so soooo long!1!!!!,” They say, worry lacing their face,”also doesn't Lampert hate mes? He'd get rlly mad if i had a party there”

Infected thought for a moment, Poob was right, Lampert could barely stand near him without pulling out a mask and gloves, so Lampert defo couldn’t deal with Poob,“WH47 480U7 UN0 D05 4ND 7r35 P14C3?,” she took a moment to sneeze,”7H3Yr3 41W4Y5 P4r7Y1N6! :D”

“dey r taking a step bac from partying… at lest at der hous,” Poob frowned,”kids kept sneking in n spraying dem, dey said it roo-ind da whole mood!”

“WU7?! 7H47 4C7U411Y H4PP3N5???”

“yah, u didnt hear? dey sent out letters n emails n evryting! I didnt dink it was dat big of a problim until i saw sum yesterday and dey tried to follow me! <:[”

It had to be for the clout. If he was young and had nothing else to do, she would’ve done it too! ‘Course he wouldn’t get caught as easily cuz she wasn’t a noob. (⌐■֊■)

“U6H K1D5 r 50 14M3!,” Infected groaned, laying his head on her desk, staring up at the computer screen where they could see Poob, who took a long drag of their blunt before violently coughing as they gasp

“da highway!,” Poob said through violent coughing

She couldn’t help but let out a small snicker,”wut?”

“DA SUPERHIGHWAY!!!!,” They shouted, slamming a hand on the table causing Infected to jolt, ”I cud party der! it’s rlly hard to cross and Pest said dat der was an empti hous at da end of it!”

His eyes widened a bit,“W04W P357 741K3D 70 U? :0”

“erm… he mumbled somting about it and i herd,” Poob admitted, rubbing the back of their neck

…Brah (￢_￢)

“But da highway sounds ahmazing! I NED to check it out!!! NOW!!!!!,” Poob says, their eyes lighting up as they started to bounce in place, quickly ending the video call

Closing out of the app, Infected decided to take a little drink break before her next gaming sesh, getting up from his newly bought chair with a stretch and heading over to his fridge, opening it to get-

Huh, he swore that he restocked this thing a few days ago, but it was nearly empty. All of his energy drinks and sodas were gone, leaving nothing but bottled water and a single can of Grey Stuff. DrRETRO would totally reset him if she found out he drank so much! ×_×

He sighed before closing the door, he needed to go to the shop for some more snacks anyway, no biggie. All he needed to do was grab some stuff for the ride.

He walked back over to his desk, opening one of the drawers where some of their tickets were stored-

oh >_>

He must be running through these things faster than he thought…

Grabbing the metal bracelet that had his name on it, she slipped it on his wrist before heading over to his closet where is morph pad was, quickly starting up the ticket printer, then turning to grab his-

are you ####### joking

Infected stared blankly at the phoneless charger for a moment then started to look around his closet; nothing.

She dug inside the couch; nothing.

They went back to their closet just in case she didn’t look hard enough; nothing.

He looked around the rest of his room; nothing.

She went back to her closet just one more time because she SWEARS on her gaming streak she left it there; nothing!

That’s so uncool, why is everything disappearing today?! (╥﹏╥)

Despite missing his phone, she still headed over to the elevator, pressing the call button, praying that it wouldn't take years just to get to the shops. Maybe his phone will show up when he gets back.

A couple seconds later, the doors opened and Infected walked in. Still kinda mad about their missing phone, she only gave a passing glance at the other, much smaller person, that was in the elevator with him.

Then he paused and took another look at them.

Huh, they sure were short! XD

and looked like a child… L_L

and wore children’s clothes… o_o

holy #### that’s a kid.

Infected could only stare at what they NOW knew was a kid. They were squished in the corner next to him, huddled up next to and holding onto the safety railing for dear life and looking down at their feet as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. They were standing so still that Infected would’ve thought they were a standee if they weren’t sweating bullets. They also had this wide-eyed, deer in headlights look that Lampert has whenever Infected did- well, anything!

Infected kept a safe distance from them, if what Poob said was true then this kid could get him bedridden for days! He wouldn't even be able to game OR skateboard!1!1!!

Man, good thing he could just report it with his phone and they’d-

ಠ_ಠ

Looks like they were waiting until someone ELSE came onto the elevator and reported it. <_<

Until then, he made sure to keep a close eye on them… who knows what they might have!

Pest was still as he sat on the bench as any movement, no matter how sudden or slow, would send a shot of pain through his system. He tried to sleep the soreness off yesterday, but it turns out their den wasn't the most comfortable place in the world and it only made his sores and aches worse.

He didn't even want to be out here, but no, he had to get his 愚かなクソ phone from that バカ shop run by a 下衆野郎 of a shop owner. それは素晴らしいことではありませんか?!

They huffed as they heard the ding of the elevator; it was better to get this over with now than later. He heard that Enphoso was known for tacking on でたらめ fees whenever it felt like it and he didn't want to pay more than needed.

With a grunt and several more shots of pain, he got up from the bench and slowly walked into the elevator.

“一体何をしているのですか？,” Pest asked, as his eyes immediately landed and narrowed at Infected before then turning to the kid

Infected, who wasn’t on his phone for once but instead eyeing the kid like they were some wild animal, looked over at them, confused,”WU7? U KN0W 1 C4N'7 UND32574ND U WH3N U2 741k1N9 4N1M3! >~<”

Pest motioned towards the kid, who already seemed to figure out that he was talking about them by how their face went red.

Infected shot yet another dirty look at the kid before shrugging,”1DK 7H3Y W3r3 H3r3 83F0r3 1 W45!,” She leaned on the elevators wall, turning it that disgusting black and pink pattern that Pest found an eyesore,”4NNNNYW4Y 17 w0u1D 83 50 r4D 1F Y0U w0U1d r3P0r7 17 F0r M3 cuz 1 K111ND4 d0N7 h4v3 mY ph0N3 :3”

チャンスは何だったのか...

“I don’t have mine either,” Pest admitted, taking a spot in the corner nearest to the kid to get a better look at them

Infected looked shocked,“W04H r11Y?! D0 Y0U 7H1NK 7H3r35 4…,” their voice got quiet and she looked around as if he was afraid someone was listening in,”...7H13F???”

“No,” Pest said, taking a spot near the elevator buttons, farthest from the annoying one and the child. He quickly stuffed his floor ticket into the small slot, holding back a wince at having to actually pay for something and because of how sore they were. Once the tablet popped up, Pest scrolled through the options before hitting Shop Space.

With nothing better to do he looked over at the kid, immediately noticing their heavy pockets. If he had to guess, they had to have been here for at least a solid hour, maybe even more. Either that or the dancing guy is getting really generous and he needed to get in on that.

Whatever it was didn't really matter as right now there was a kid who wasn't focused on their filled pockets and Pest needed to make up for all the money he was spending today.

As Infected focused his attention towards the back panels, which were spinning and starting to show another random picture, Pest slowly moved closer to the kid, ignoring each shot of pain, ending up in between Infected and them. He leaned casually against the safety railing and reached out towards the kid’s pocket. His hand just barely grazing the fabric-

Until he saw something glimmer in the corner of his eye, something on the child's other wrist that was squished up against the railing. It looked metal.

He had to have it. 彼はそれを望んでいた.

“I see you!,” An all too cheerful voice called, causing Pest to quickly put his hand away and snap his head towards the corner of the store where Enphoso always sat. It stared at him.

“3p1C!! 1 W0nD3r 1F 7H3r35 50m3 pr0 CH1P5 1n H3r3,” Infected said, rushing into the store

Pest walked out of the elevator, only sparing a small glance towards the kid to make sure that they didn’t run off, and towards Enphoso's counter, doing so slower than usual.

“Normally, I wouldn't even bother saving something like this,” Enphoso said as it dropped Pest’s phone on the counter, good as new as if nothing ever happened to it,”You're lucky I'm so nice”

彼のお尻は「幸運」です. If Pest had half a mind they would simply snag his phone and run to the elevator.

Pest grumbled and grimaced as it dropped what felt like million of coins onto the counter much to Enphoso's delight as its pupils dilated for a few seconds,”ファックユー,” He mumbled

Immediately, Enphoso's eyes shrank and it stared at Pest, in a deeper voice it spoke,“Watch it”

Before Pest could say anything, he was sent right back to the elevator along with a grumpy Infected.

“Drr37r0 W45 r16H7 3V3rY7H1N6 1N 7H3r3 C0575 50 MUCH!,” Infected complained,”50 C01N5 F0r CH1P5?! WH47 4 r1P0FF 7H15 15 WHY 610rP N’ 60 15 73H 8357 >v<”

Flipping open his phone to make sure it worked, Pest responded with a simple,“I don't care”

Infected must’ve noticed that Pest had his phone because she said,“Y0U 607 Y0Ur PH0N3 84CK?! 5W337! W3 C4N F1N411Y 637 r1D 0F 7H15 N008-”

“p357 15 7h47 4 ####### n0k14”

Chapter Text

Cashier thought his boss selling off the floor would be cool; he got paid one cent more, got more breaks so he didn't have to deal with the insanity that came with being in this place, and he didn't get in trouble for letting people steal OR taking a small nap on the job. All of it sounded like a dream to him, so he stayed put and kept his mouth shut like he always did, not like he could really do anything about it.

Now, as he pulled out the roll of paper towel that he had stashed under the counter to wipe his soaked face before putting it right back, he was… less stoked about it.

He didn't realize that anyone that came out of that elevator could LEGALLY throw stuff at him.

He's been hit with snowballs, seen more C4's than he signed up for, showered with petals (those were pretty nice, but he still had to clean them up), and sprayed so many times that he wouldn’t need to shower if he wasn't hit with a tomato right after.

Not to mention, some of the customers… were off… way more off than he was used to.

While he didn't have to stock the shelves anymore as they seemed to stock themselves, he WAS in charge of cleaning the store after they left. So, on top of all the crap being thrown at him or being dumped onto the floor, he had to deal with any… things that seemed to come off of them or OUT of them.

Cashier shivered as he remembered that disgusting gradient that walked? wobbled? into the store, stared (did that thing even have eyes?) him down for a few minutes, having to unwillingly breathe in its awful smell, then coughed a single hairball onto the counter before leaving. That was pretty scary ngl.

Oh, yeah he was also supposed to be on the lookout for kids? Yeah, he kinda wished he didn't have to do that, but apparently it was an issue and he had to call up Zach if he saw anything, which is all well and good…

…If they didn't all look the same. If he would compare himself from Elementary school and him now, the only thing that would change is his height and clothing. How was he supposed to tell if someone was a kid? He still legally was one. And apparently, if it's found out that he did let a kid slip by, he could get fired and it would go on his record, and child endangerment doesn't look good on a resume, college application, or when he was applying to get on that elevator.

He laid his head on the counter and banged his arm against it. How does Emerson and vinny deal with all this?

Ding

He sighed. Here we go again.

“You are the last person who should be judging me,” A harsh voice snapped,”You dress like that”

“U C0U1DV3 @ 13457 60773N 4N 1F0N3,” Another voice says, sounding like someone talking through a crappy mic,”Ur C4rrY1N6 4 1173r41 F05511 C4N Y0U 3V3N P14Y 5N4K3 0N 7H47?!”

Cashier tilted his head up to see who it was, their voices somewhat familiar but when you're seeing hundreds of people a day everyone blends together.

Oh…

You know what? It could've been a worse pair! It could've been that smelly gradient thing and weird flesh animal. At least the only thing he had to worry about with these two are his own pockets, the freezer that was at the side of the store the bug guy seems to love messing with, and spraying anything down that the sick dude- what was his name again? vinny told it to him once… Infested?- touches.

“Y0!,” A voice called from in front of Cashier, drawing his attention away from the… strangely slow moving bug and towards Infested

“No, we don't and CAN'T sell Boggle Jetfuel,” Cashier said, bored and annoyed

“N-”

He cut them off,”It's not in the back either”

They frowned,”r u 5ur3? 4w… (´＿｀。),” They asked sadly before sneezing RIGHT in his face (gross…), shaking their head as they recovered,”W417- N0 1M N07 H3r3 F0r 7H47, Y0U 60774 r3P0r7 7H15, 8r4H!!11!!! 7H3R35 4 K1D!!!!!11!!!”

Now that caught his attention.

Wiping his face, he quickly sat up causing the lights around him to turn red (he didn't know why it did that, but he stopped questioning it after a bit), his eyes landing on the elevator in the very back of the store. He had to squint, but past the items of food he could just barely see-

“Mozelle isn't a kid, stupid,” The beetle… Petht? Emerson told him that one, blocking Cashier’s view. Their clothing looked a lot puffier than when they first walked in.

Infested raised an eyebrow, “wh4-”

Petht jabbed Infested in the stomach with their elbow, shutting him up,”Don't you remember? We’re getting food for Mozelle’s party!,” They said, forcing their voice to sound excited,”And she wanted us to get it for her!”

“N0???? Wh3n-”

Petht whispered something in Infested’s ear that he couldn’t hear, but by how their eyes lit up he could tell it was something good.

“0H Y34H, H0W C0U1D 1 F0r637?,” Infested said, equally as unconvincing,”4 Pr1NC355 11K3 H3r 5H0U1DN7 83 63771N6 6r0C3r135! 5H35 50 5H0r7 1 MU57V3 7H0U6H7 5H3 W45 4 K1D WH00P5! (^▽^;)”

“...”

Cashier pulled out his phone

“W417!!!1!”

Before Cashier could even get to his contacts, he felt something hard and cold hit the side of his face, making him drop his phone on the counter and quickly turn away to hold the area, dropping to the floor and closing his eyes in case something else flew his way.

Luckily, nothing else did and he soon heard the elevator close, but still poked his head over the counter to make sure they were gon-

Wait…

He looked over the counter. Nothing.

Nearly slipping on a can of soda, he circled around the counter, really checking just to make sure it wasn't there. Nothing.

Then he looked around the store, checking corners, under shelves, everything despite a new batch of people coming in. Nothing.

WOW…

wow…

they stole his phone.

they really stole his phone.

“Incorrect Passcode, Please Try Again,” Infected read over Pest's shoulder, noisily stuffing his mouth with one of the many bags of chips along with various other foods that were in the corner of the elevator

“Can you not?,” Pest grumbled, shrugging her off,”彼があなたを嫌う理由が分かったわ、あなたは気持ち悪いから”

“101 n0, 5H0U1Dn7 h4V3 57013N h15 pH0n3 :P”

“You helped”

“Nuh-uh”

Pest rolled his eyes before stuffing the phone into their pocket, figuring he'd crack it open after he was done with the kid.

Glancing over at the kid’s wrist, he could see the bracelet shine once more in the elevator’s obnoxiously bright lighting. It was just begging to be taken by much more experienced hands, but with how they were up against the railing he couldn't just grab it. 彼は怪我のせいで子供たちと格闘する気分ではなかった。

“Why D1D u W4n7 7H3M H3r3? Y0U Kn0w W3 c4n 637 84Nn3d 4 11F3 1F 50m30n3 F1ND5 0U7,” Infected says, pulling Pest away from his thoughts

“They won't be here for long,” Pest said before taking a few slow, painful steps towards the kid

Your feet and legs hurt from standing up so long, but you knew you weren't allowed to move from this spot! You couldn't! You wouldn't! You had to wait!

You would wait here for a billion days standing up if you had to! As still as a statue!

Not a single muscle was gonna move.

“Hey you”

You looked away from the stranger, choosing to look at the side of the elevator. They just looked too scary with their big horns and red eyes! They looked like a scary demon!

They didn't seem to like that as you heard a clicking noise come from them.

“It isn't nice to ignore people,” They said, their voice sounding like the time you accidently broke a plate and your babysitter had gotten REALLY mad but didn't want to show it

“3rM… 57r4N63r D4N63r, P357, H4V3N7 Y0U H34rD 0F 17? (•﹏•;),” A different, funnier sounding voice asked, sounding worried

“彼らは私よりも危険です。,” The other one said, they talked in something you couldn't understand… what if they were trying to curse you because they were so mad?!

“W04H!,” The other one gasped,”WH47 C0D3 D1D U PUNCH 1N 70 637 50M37H1N6 11K3 7H47 DUD3 15 7H47 WH47 Ur 4F73r???”

You could hear the other one getting closer. You didn't like it.

“They stole it from their parents,” Pest said

That wasn't true! You quickly shook your head, moving the hand that was already on the pole further behind you so that they couldn't see it.

“Then how else did you get it?,” Pest asked, sounding frustrated,”You stole it from someone else, 小さな泥棒?”

You shook your head again as you started to feel your face heating up and something in your throat. You would never! Why were they thinking that you did all of those bad things?!

The one with the funny voice started to talk,“dud3…”

“There's some snacks in the corner over there, I'll give you some if you give me the ばかな bracelet,” Pest said

“P357!”

You shook your head, it started to hurt. You weren’t supposed to take things from strangers.

“Your parents must be wondering where you are,” They said, still in that mean voice,”If you give me the bracelet, you can get back to them quicker”

“Y D0 U 3V3N W4N7 17??? U H4V3 Ur 0WN!”

You shook your head, tears welling up in your eye. You weren't supposed to leave the elevator.

“Shut up!,” Pest yelled causing you to jolt,”That doesn't belong to you, now give it”

You didn't wanna do that and quickly shook your head for the millionth time. You couldn't give it away!

“P357, 134V3 7H3M 410N3!”

You could hear that clicking sound again. They were going to hurt you.

“黙れ！,” They yelled, making you flinch and close your eyes shut as if expecting something… and you heard them huff the same way your caretaker did when they were tired. You heard them back away,”Fine. Whatever. 君の手がレールから離れた瞬間、それは僕のものになる”

“h0w D1D u 637 7h47 7h0? >_>,” The guy with the funny voice asked, using their whisper voice

You really kept your mouth shut even covering your mouth with your free hand. You heard the funny voice guy huff, but in a different way than Pest did, before backing away too. You were finally safe.

Infected didn't even have to look at Pest to know he was giving the kid the stink eye. Honestly, he would too, why were they being so hush-hush? They got caught, they really couldn't save themselves from getting kicked. (￢_￢)

Speaking of getting kicked.

“4r3 W3 JU57 60NN4 W417 UN711 50M30N3 31-”

“Yes,” Pest snapped as he was fiddling with the Cashier’s phone, trying to find the passcode,”or until I can get this damn phone open”

“W417, 1F Y0U W3r3 U51N6 4 N0K14 7H15 3N71r3 71M3 H0W D1D Y0U r3P0r7 57UFF? ◉_◉”

Pest shot Infected a glare that made her shut up and continue eating his chips.

Chapter Text

They walked quickly down the street, you followed with your hand in theirs but it was hard to keep up with your short legs.

They were looking around with a face you have rarely seen before; they looked the same way you did whenever you were caught doing something you knew you shouldn't do.

Was that a bad thing to say? Were you in trouble?

Whenever they passed by someone, they gave your hand a squeeze and squeezed it even harder whenever you passed by a police officer.

Were you doing something bad?

But they squeezed it the hardest when you walked into a building. It hurt and you tried to pull your hand out of theirs.

“Don't talk to anyone here,” They whispered as if it was a secret

“Okay,” You said, whispering just as low to keep the secret

They looked down at you for the first time that morning, they gave you another face you didn't see often,”I mean it, these… people aren’t your friends”

You didn't like it here.

The funny voice guy was asking you weird questions and sneezing a lot and the… Pest guy was on their phone. You couldn't be happier for that.

Well, it wasn't THEIR phone, you knew it belonged to the cashier from the last place.

“u d0N7 h4V3 4ny7H1n6 0N y0U r173? ( ≖︵≖) n0 6Un5, Kn1f35-”

Why would you have that?! Those were dangerous!

“そしてあなたは私に撤退するように言いました。偽善者”

“N0 c1u3 Wh47 Ur 54y1n6 dUd3 8u7 1 n33d 70 m4k3 5ur3 7h3Y 4r3N7 4rm3D! WH47 1F 7H3Y H4V3 4 C4?! 7H47 ##### 10UD 45 ####!”

What were they talking about?! What's a C4?!

Ding

You look over at the doors as they open and see a LOT of yellow even though the room was REALLY dark. Did someone forget to turn on the lights?

The funny voice guy must’ve liked it because they left you alone and stood in the doorway. Maybe they would get off? You hoped that Pest would first.

“5p117! :D”

oh no

You stared at the person that got on the elevator. They were big and just as yellow as the rest of the place they came from.

But they were a lot sillier looking!

“Mainten- ‘ants’ shut down Splitsville and didn't even ‘shell’ me!,” The… person? Snail? Split said as they hopped onto the elevator. They were still looking at the funny voice guy.

“7h3y 53n7 4n 3m411”

“I told you yesterday, Nan blew up my computer!..,” They said before looking at you, their face falling,”and… completely destroyed… it”

They paused and you two looked at each other.

“Infected-”

“w3r3 7rY1n6 70 637 7h3m 0u7,” Infected said really fast

“Pest has a phone!”

“175 N07 H15! H3 H45 4 N0K14!”

Split looked at Pest,“WHAT!”

Pest looked at Infected,”You didn't have to add that last part”

“Y35 1 D1D, 1 KN0W Y0UR ### 15N7 8R0K3 Y0U 57013 50 MUCH 71X FR0M M3! DX”

Pest looked to the side the same way you did when you were lying,“That wasn't me”

“r11y? (o_O)”

“Yeah, dunno why you’re blaming me”

“0h… my 84d, d00d”

You don't think Infected is very smart…

“Can we focus on the baby elephant in the room?,” Split asked, pointing at you

You looked away.

“Y? 7h3Yv3 60n3 4FK! P1U5 w3 Kn0w 3X4C71y wh47 7H31r d341 15 r16H7 P35713?,” Infected asked and tried to put his arm around Pest before being pushed away

“始めないでください”

“:c”

Split's dealt with her fair share of unripe bananas, but this one takes the cake! In fact, they barely looked old enough to eat a slice without asking.

“You sure? Have you talked to them?,” Split asked

“DUH! P357 w45 7ry1n6 70 637 7H3m 70 61V3 UP 7h47 8r4c3137,” Infected said, pointing over to the kid's wrist,”8U7 7H3Y JU57 k3p7 5H4k1n6 7H31r h34D! 50 rUd3 （ꐦ𝅒_𝅒)”

She cringed at the thought of Pest trying to talk to the kid (or any kid for that matter) and by the way they were standing in the corner, it didn't end well. They looked like they saw a ghost!

“Let me try!,” Split offered

“C4r3FU1, 5P1175! 7H3y m16h7 H4v3 50m37h1n6! ( >﹏<。),” Infected warned

She knew they didn't; it took her a solid day to figure out how to use her stuff and she had an average one, so she doesn't think they got the hang of it yet if at all.

Speaking of bracelet…

Split slid over towards the kid, squinting at the small screen that was given as she scrolled through a ‘bunch’ (hehe) of food options until she found it. If this worked with her then it would work with someone LIKE her!

why were they getting closer?

WHY WERE THEY GETTING CLOSER?!

They were going to try and steal your pretty bracelet, weren't they? Just like that scary bug!

why were they holding a banana?

Split made a phone ringing sound that almost sounded real,“Brrrrring Brrrrring”

They held out their paw, the banana pointed down.

“I think it's for you!,” They said, they sounded so much happier than the other two

You looked up at them. They smiled down at you.

Split LOOKED nice and sounded really nice too… you reached out towards it, but stopped.

You weren’t supposed to take things from strangers… that’s what your caregiver said and you didn’t want to make them mad for whenever they came back to get you, right?

Should you still take it?

[A] Yes! What your caregiver doesn’t know can’t hurt them,right? Split might be nice. [Take the banana]

[B] No! Your caregiver knows best! Split is a stranger. [Don’t take the banana]

Chapter Text

You knew you shouldn’t and that your caretaker would get REALLY mad at you if they found out… BUT Split didn’t look like those bad strangers the ones your school told you to look out for, they looked nice!

You take the banana from Split’s paw and hold it close to your ear like a phone. Split smiled and backed away from you, tucking their legs under themselves and sitting on the floor. You would’ve sat on the floor too if both your caretaker AND babysitter didn’t tell you not to. Maybe Split could do it because they’re an adult? They always got to do more things.

Split held another banana up to their own ear,”Yellow?,” They said

They sounded silly too, like a character from your favorite TV show!

“Hello?,” You called,”Is this… Split?”

“This is her! Who is this?,” She asked, her voice was like whenever your babysitter was playing pretend with you.

You tell her your name.

“Woah! That’s a ‘paw-some’ name!,” She giggled

“これは無駄だ、なぜこれを行うのですか?,” Pest asked before flinching as if they were hurt

Split moved the banana away from her face, covering it with her paw when she looked at Pest,“I think it would be ‘beetle-ficial’ (hehe) if we learned a lil more about our pal-”

Infected started to talk, cutting off Split meanly,”w3 41r34dy kn0w 3V3RY7H1N6 480u7 7h3m! 7H3Yr3 JU57 4 K1D 7rY1N6 70 100K C001 4ND 8r4V3 8Y 63771N6 UP H3r3!,” They looked at you, crossing their arms,”y0u D0N7 87w, 8r34k1n6 7h3 ru135 15 N07 3P1CK >:(”

You frowned. You heard Infected throw something at that cashier! That HAD to break SOME rule!

“We don’t know that,” Split said,”They could’ve just wandered up here like Lampert did or, y’know… could be just like Bivey,” She said, the last part being whispered

Infected looked uncomfortable for a bit, before sneezing,”N4H, 1 54Y 7H3Y W4N73D 2 4C7 11K3 4 Pr0 (￢з￢)”

Split removed her paw from the “phone”,”Alrighty! When's your birthday, buddy?”

You tell her.

“That's not too ‘fur’ away! How old are ya turning?”

You tell her.

That seemed to be a bad answer. It made Split sad and Infected looked at you weird. Pest didn't seem to care at all as they looked at the wall with the same pained look they had ever since they got here.

“How did you get up here?,” Split asked, her voice no longer that playing pretend one. It scared you. You said something wrong, didn’t you?

“I… uh… um,” You started to feel warm and your neck felt tight. You couldn’t tell the truth but you didn’t want to lie to Split! What if she got MORE sad? What if she got MAD?! What if Infected and Pest got mad?! They were already really scary WITHOUT being mad!

“Hey! Hey! Don’t worry, you don’t gotta answer if it’s too hard!,” Split said, her voice soft like your babysitter’s was when you scraped your knee and they tried to calm you down so you didn’t cry

“O-Okay,” You nodded

”Do your parents know you’re up here?”

You stayed silent.

“Does that band BELONG to your parents?,” She asked, bringing up her arm and tapping on her own. It had her name in big bold letters.

You looked down at your own and see that it was the exact same! But the place where the name was was so scratched that you couldn’t read it! You don’t think your caretaker would ever steal because they always got mad at you when you took something that wasn’t yours so you nod.

“How’d you get it?”

You stayed silent and looked down. You couldn’t tell her, she’d get mad and then you’d be in trouble.

“Does ANYONE know you’re up here?”

You nodded, looking at Split and smiling,”Yeah! and I’m not allowed to move!”

“Why?”

“I dunno”

Split made a face, the sort of face your babysitter made whenever you came back home dirty.

“Who told you that?”

You stayed silent.

“Well, since they’re not here… I say you can move as many muscles as you want! You gotta be tired from standing for so long!”

You were! It’s like she read your mind!

“What if they find out?”

“I’m sure they’d understand”

Before you could say anything, Infected took the “phone” from Split and put it up to their ear,”7H13F54Y5WH47 ”

You do not like them.

“I don’t steal”

“UH-HUH… 5Ur3… 1M K33P1N6 4N 3Y3 0N U, K1D ( -_・)”

You frowned and looked over at Pest. Infected should be looking at PEST if they wanted to see a thief…

…or not…

Pest was slumped in a corner. They looked hurt.

Split seemed to notice and looked worried,“You’re not looking your ‘pest’, Pest,”

“大丈夫だよ。黙って。”

“r U 51CK?! 8r0, 1 C4N7 637 51CK rN 1 H4V3 50 MUCH 5K471N6 1 W4NN4 D0!!!11!! ⸜(ّᶿധّᶿ)⸝,” Infected said before sneezing

The doors of the elevator opened, showing a REALLY long hallway that seemed to go on forever! For some reason, there was a comfy looking chair and lamp out there. You could even see a floating coin! You wondered if there were more.

Both Split and Infected were talking to Pest so you couldn’t ask them about it.

Should you explore this floor?

Inventory: Banana (x1)
You currently have 50 coins

[A] Yes! You could stretch your legs AND get money! [Leave the elevator]

[B] No! You could just ask Split about it when she was done with Pest [Don’t leave the elevator]

Chapter Text

You didn't know what to do! You REALLY wanted to leave AND you REALLY wanted to ask Split about everything!

…Maybe you could ask her AFTER you went through the floor. Yeah, that made sense!

You slowly stepped out of your safe corner and towards the front of the elevator where the doors were open… just LETTING you through!

As you stepped on the wooden part of the elevator, your bracelet started beeping!

!WARNING!
TARMITE IS APPROACHING SEEK SHELTER IMMEDIATELY!

Tarmite?

“OH! NO NO NO, NOT THERE! DON'T GO THERE!,” Split said, her voice all wavy and scared as she gently pulled you away from the edge

BAM!

For just a small second you saw a wall with a scary face on it. You would've thought it was kinda funny looking… if it didn't stare down at you, still smiling. You thought of those scary clown videos you've seen and started to shake.

“I'm sorry, kid, I forgot all about this floor,” Split apologized, rubbing your back like your caretaker did when you saw something scary

BAM!

You jolted. You started to feel something in your throat again.

“Oh- uh… how about you go over to Infected until this is over? He'll “pro”-tech you!,” Split said

No he wouldn't

“7H3Y C4N 574Y W17H Y0U 4C7U411Y ＼(〇_ｏ)／,” Infected yelped, now in the corner of the elevator where you were a few seconds ago, looking just as scared as you. You think it was because of the big wall.

“I'll give you a floor ticket”

Infected stared at Split. Then you. Then at Split again. Then you.

“C0M3 70 816 8r07H3r 1NF3C73D! ＼(^o^)／,” Infected sang, opening his arms

You didn't wanna go to Infected.

Split gently pushed you towards him,”It'll only be for a second,” she said

Infected had to push down his fear of both the big ### wall that was ramming into the elevator and the kid. He didn't trust that they didn't have NOTHING on them. No clout chasing kid would just walk on here without a game strat! (≖͞_≖̥)

The kid walked slowly towards him, just as scared as he was.

They stood a good few feet away from her, staring at the ground. They didn't want to talk to her and he didn't want to talk to them. (・_・ヾ

Split sat by Pest,“I can queue up DrRETRO if you-”

Pest snapped,”彼女を巻き込まないでください。事態が悪化するだけです。,” He said before groaning

BAM!

“You know that DrRETRO is the ‘purr’-fect doctor,” Split said before mumbling,”As good of a doctor you can get for free”

“It's not that,” Pest huffed,”She'll be all smart about it." He started mimicking her voice,”I warned you not to steal from it, meow look at you! All beat up!”

Split struggled to keep a straight face. Hehe ‘meow look at you’.

“No she wouldn't-”

Pest stared at Split,“I stole from Enphoso and it chased me into the elevator just to crush me”

Split coughed into her paw to keep herself from laughing. It wasn't funny! It wasn't funny at all!

It was kinda funny though

“She- hehe!- She'd understand- pfft”

“It was for a Glognut”

BAM!

“eheheh- koff! koff! I think there's a froghopper in my throat- KOFF! heheh-KOFF!,” Split took a moment to calm herself down,“So… would you rather be in pain for who knows how long or have DrRETRO laugh at you?

Pest grumbled, before whincing.

“Thaaaat's what I thought!”

Split stood up, stretching her legs before she put yet another floor ticket into the slot. She needed to start being more stingy with these things!

“本当に彼女にその子供のことを知ってほしいのですか？,” Pest asked

BAM!

She paused, her paw just an inch away from DrRETRO's place. She frowned.

“If she gets on then we’d have a full house”

“彼らが感染拡大を阻止しようと努力するとは、想像もしていませんでした。,” Pest said

“You know how some of the others get. She’d be the ‘claw’-mest”

“Sure. Believe that”

Split looked over at the kid. They'd be fine.

Split clicked DrRETRO's floor.

You hated how loud and scary this floor was, but you knew you had to be brave! Even if there was a big wall that wanted to hurt you…

Before you could get even MORE scared, the doors closed. Phew!

“Hey, sorry about that! I should've warned you,” You heard Split say as she walked over to you, her voice was soft and nice,”How are you feeling?”

“I'm okay,” You mumbled

You heard Infected fake cough as if he expected something. Split playfully rolled her eyes and gave him a ticket. What WERE those? You kept seeing them!

“Alrighty, now how about I explain what that little band does-”

“I know what it does,” You say, crossing your hands behind your back

Infected looked at you funny before side-stepping away.

“Oh!,” Split said, surprised,”Well why don't you show me?”

You could do that! You saw your caretaker messing around with this a bunch of times! What do you do?

Inventory: Banana (x1)
You currently have 54 Coins

[A] Buy something
1. Cheezburger- 4
2. Tomato- 7
3. Fizz Up!- 9
4. Cheese- 9
5. Snowball- 11
6. Magic Mirror- 22
7. Blogsy- 36
8. Medkit- 54
9. Fizz Jug- 54
10. Iceball- 35

[B] Buy nothing. You didn't need to prove anything to Split!

Chapter Text

Split watched as the kid bought a… Cheezburger. She hoped that they didn't eat that, not even Nan would eat that stuff.

“How'd YOU know how to do that?!,” Infected asked, his body now on the opposite side from the kid

“Yeah, how DID you figure that out?,” Split asked, a LOT gentler than Infected,”It took me a good ‘howl’-ur to get used to mine”

They started to speak “I-,” They paused and looked away,”I just know”

Infected side-eyed them,“...u 5ur3 u d0n7 h4v3 4NY7H1N6 3153 0n u? <_< ”

“Yeah! What ELSE would I have?!,” They say, crossing their arms

“5Pr4Y 807713”

“Is that why you smell?”

“[Content Deleted] >:(“

The doors to the elevator opened and in peaked DrRETRO. Split saw as Infected's face drained, looking a lot paler now.

“Split why'd you bring HER here?!?!?,” Infected asked, grabbing her by her shoulders,”She's gonna reset me!!!”

Split tilted her head, confused, before giggling. She wasn't usually a fan of dark jokes, but she'd let this one slide? DrRETRO? A doctor?? Killing someone??? Now that was just bananas!

DrRETRO dropped from the ceiling, the ground shaking beneath her,”Mr- (Hel-),” She paused her cheerful greeting, slowly turning her body towards the kid

The kid gasped,”Kitty!,” They shouted. Split could already tell that the kid was gonna LOVE her! Maybe you could even say she was the… cat’s meow.

DrRETRO's ears flattened against her head,”HISSS?! MOW! MOW! (ANOTHER ONE?! NO! OUT!)”

Her eyes started to turn purple and glow. The kid and Infected backed up. Nevermind!

“RETRO, NO!,” Split yelled, jumping in front of the kid,”They didn't get up here by themselves!”

DrRETRO sounded horrified, her eyes shrinking and starting to dart around,“REOWWW?! MROW?! (THERE'S MORE?! WHERE?!)”

Pest chimed in,“彼女は、子供の年齢を考慮すると、彼らが一人でここに来た可能性は低いと考えている。,” They grumbled

“Yeah! Just look at them! They’re so itty bitty”

DrRETRO tilted her body, calming down just a bit,“Mew? (Oh?)”

DrRETRO slid into the elevator, circling around Split to get a better look at them.

DrRETRO stared at the cowering figure tucked under Split's back leg and holding onto it like their life depended on it. It did.

Huh. They did look young. Really young.

She still considered shooting them; more out of mercy than annoyance. Who knows what they saw before this! Who knows what they'd see AFTER this! Why were they STILL here?! Where were their parents?!

Why was there so much snack food on the ground? Nasty AND unhealthy!

DrRETRO quickly shot at the pile of food in the corner of the elevator, making the whole thing disappear. She heard a wince from both Infected and Pest.

“Meow? Reow? (Why are they still here? Why didn't you report them?),” She asked

“Left my phone at home,” Split laughed nervously

“1dk wh3r3 m1n3 w3n7 ╮(￣▽￣"")╭“

“施錠済み”

DrRETRO turned towards Pest- Why was he sitting on the floor? -and raised an eyebrow,”Mrrrp? Mew (Locked? You can't lock a phone like that)”

Pest looked away, his face scrunching up,”新しいものを手に入れました。”

DrRETRO didn't believe it. That parasite would give dreams before Pest would pay for something, but she let it slide, she had smaller things to deal with.

She turned back to Split and the kid,”Murrr meow mew? (How long have they've been up here?)”

Split looked towards Infected, Infected shrugged,”7H3Y W3r3 H3r3 83-4 1 W45!”

“彼らはおそらくここに来てから数時間くらい経っているでしょう。,” Pest muttered before cringing,”もしかしたら今朝始まったのかもしれませんね。彼らは大金持ちですから。”

DrRETRO narrowed her eyes at the shivering kid, their eyes were blown wide.

If what Pest was saying was true and they really WERE here since this morning then…

She really hoped that they were just another snot-nosed kid that scared themselves straight.

Her eyes softened,“Mew, purr (Sorry for scaring you, sugar)”

As she slowly slid towards the kid, they quickly moved back, holding onto Split's leg tighter. She backed up.

“Don't think they understand ‘Cat’-onese, doc,”Split joked, before she turned towards the kid,”She said she's sorry and I'm ‘paw'-sitive that she won't do it again, right?”

Ehhh… well they looked like a good kid, she doubted she needed to use any lasers on them!

She nodded,”Mew mrrrrp! (Not a chance!)”

She could hear Pest snickering.

With that the kid slowly stood up, their legs still shaking. She mentally noted to lay off the lasers around this one for a while.

She slid over next to Pest, her voice quickly dropping to a whisper,”mow mrow? (are these the only two that know?),” She asked

“That cashier kid”

Cat Christ, out of all the people…

“reow HISS mrow? mrrp mew MOW hisss! (how did HE find out? his head is DOWN half the time!)”

Pest eyes looked past her for a moment,“長い話”

“murrr… murrrp? (Sigh… anyone else?)”

Pest eyes shifted up towards the camera in the top corner. She only gave it a quick glance and rolled her eyes.

“purrrr mrrrp murrrp (you know that Zach doesn't touch that thing)”

“That's not who I'm talking about”

DrRETRO's ear twitched, she looked back at the camera and watched as it slowly swiveled from left to right then right to left, recording everything. Seeing everything.

Great. Now SHE was worried.

She looked back towards Pest,”mrooooow. hissss? (don’t make me paranoid, sugar. what could they possibly want with that kid?)”

Pest shrugged

“meow murrrr? (do we know anything about the parents?)”

“Basically nothing”

Eugh. Of course. She obviously didn't blame the kid, they clearly had a basic sense of stranger danger.

“hiss mrrrrp mrow… hisss? (you know nothing about the parents and you've been up here for… how long?)”

“they don't wanna talk”

DrRETRO looked over towards the kid, who was still close to Split. They stared at her for a moment before quickly looking away. Their face pale.

You didn't feel good. Split said that the cat lady was nice, but she tried to hurt you!

When you looked at her talking to Pest, she stared back at you all blank eyed, was she thinking about hurting you again?!

You held onto Split's shell.

“Still scared of her, huh?,” Split asked, she rubbed your head. That was nice.

You nodded. You hoped she’d go away soon and leave you alone.

Split smiled down at you,“I ‘paw’-mise that she was just a bit on edge seeing you-”

“I'm not supposed to be here…,” You mumbled,”Is that why she hates me?”

Split looked surprised,”...She doesn't hate you, she’s just a bit nervous!”

She tried to hurt you. No wonder why she was friends with Pest, they both hurt people. You didn't like it here.

“I wanna go home”

Split's smile went down a little.

DING!

The elevator doors opened and you see a big colorful slide with a target at the end of it. Do you get off?

[A] No
[B] Yes