Work Text:
[Verse 1]
New face in a new town
But it feels like everyone knows your name
You've been solo for so long
Lan Zhan offered another slow nod as another person greeted him and the small child that he held in unfamiliar arms. It was so strange. This small mountain town. This place stood so quiet and peaceful. This was not some place he would have ever thought to look for Wei Ying. And a Child. He glanced at the small black covered head in his arms and the small puffs of breath that showed in the cold.
Wei Yuan…. Lan Yuan when they get back home…..
And you've been so low for so long
Thought you were breaking fresh ground
But everything seems the same
You've been solo for so long
And you've been so low for so long
So cross that bridge and start anew
Lan Zhan paused to stare hard at the newspaper in front of him, his gaze softening. As the face looked back at him. The smile that he had not seen in so long. He hadn’t gotten one of them in so long. However this place was so cut off from the world. It only had hard line internet, located at the Library and police station respectfully. The altitude and hard to navigate terrain made Cell service laughable. He looked over at the child.
‘You fuddy-duddy call him A-yuan.’ He could hear Wei Ying's voice teasingly say to him from the page in the newspaper.
He didn’t write the obituary; it was written by one of the locals that he had been close to.
“Wei Wuxian (Ying) Husband to Lan Wangji (Zhan). Loved by the town of Winslow as a bright spirit, loving father, and loyal friend.
His passing is also joined by the passing of the Mayor and Patriarch of Winslow please see pg. 4 both Died of an Accidental fall from heart ache cliff. He is survived by his son Wei Yuan.
May their Colors be in Peace.
-Written By Wen Qing”
I know it seems hard to do
Swear the world's not half as blue
As the one you think you're passing through
Lan Zhan quietly opened the door to the very quiet town clinic. He was quite surprised to find a very advanced and clean waiting room. Not worn down or dated in any way. There was a placket on the wall under a picture of a man dressed in period garb. Clasping a flute. Seemingly very serious. With a mischievous glint in his eye. Lan Zhan knew instantly. It was Wei Ying. Wei Yuan started to struggle in Lan Zhan’s arms. His small hands reaching towards the picture with a confused noise glancing toward him Lan Zhan felt numbness settle in him once more. But outside he was shaking and he could feel the tears on his face. He snapped out of it with a snarl body instinctively curling around his charge as another strange woman suddenly reached for the child. His suppressed Alpha immediately cowered as he was met with an even more powerful snarl. He had to look at the threat. He was startled to see she was a wise and elderly woman, but more importantly Wei Yuan seemed to Know her from the way he reached for her.
“Who?” He asked after clearing his throat of the snarl.
She smiled at him and wisely changed to just waving at the child instead of trying to take him away, “Oh I’m Nana Wen, I run the front end of this place. I see you were just admiring the portrait of The great Winslow Patriarch. He's the one that helped upgrade this place. Now come along Lan Wangji I know you are here for A-Yuans appointment.”
And this fantasy that you’ve fabricated’s
Desaturated and grey
And you have to see that you can’t escape it
If you keep running away
Lan Zhan was startled when they were led down very clean hallways, rooms filled with emergency equipment, even a small emergency operating room. “Wei Ying did this?” Lan Zhan breathed.
Nana Wen chuckled a bit sadly, “If he heard you say that he would be so embarrassed. No darling it was the great and powerful Winslow Patriarch. This will not be the last you hear of him. So many rumors don’t believe all of them. But do believe most.” She stopped in front of a door with Wei written on it, “This is it.” She flipped a flag on the side to green. “The nurse will be in shortly.”
He entered the room that was opened for him and looked around. A taller bed for a child to sit on and soft colors on the walls as well as child sized tools for check ups even a strange bed on a scale. He puzzled at it for a moment as he sat the child down on the bed. Lan Zhan startled when there was a knock on the door. He was so jumpy and out of sorts today.
What's wrong with me?
The door opened and a round faced pale male peaked in, “Hello I’m Wen Ning I’m your Nurse today.” He gave a soft shy smile.
Wei Yuan squealed around his lollipop waving once sticky hand. Lan Zhan frowned and looked at his shirt. Sure enough he was sticky. Huh… my observation skills seem to have disappeared.
He looked up and realized that the nurse was talking to him. Lan Zhan couldn’t hear any words. And then tears. Rushing tears. So many of them came pouring out. A sound came out of his lips, a cry of pain, a cry of sadness…. A cry of a wound that only came from his soul.
‘ Husband of Lan Wangji (Zhan)...
Husband of Lan Wangji
Husband of Lan
Husband….
Husband…..
The people of this town…. The thought…. They knew…. They think…. I’m Wei Ying’s Husband….. That… I am……’
He curled into a ball. He tried to snarl when the nurse took Wei Yuan away. But through his tears he couldn’t do anything. But whimper and cry. He understood the emotion of grief and why people showed pain in such a way. Because the body did it instinctively if you let it and for once he did. He had nothing. Wei Ying. His mate. Was. Gone.
You’ve got this power inside and its frightening
Drowned in emotion, this ocеan you’re syphoning
Chromatose, down in the tidе that you’re hiding in
No one should be as alone as you try to be
Family trees don’t need be organic
The branches you graft are as equally valid
So if your party of one’s world is pallid
Go plant some paladins packing a palette
Lan Zhan came back to awareness slowly. He was still in the child friendly doctors room. The child was gone, his breath started to come out in a little short burst and he felt panic begin to rise.
“Calm down young one.'' It was the elder woman once more Nana Wen she was sitting in the doctor's chair on the computer he hadn't noticed before. “We knew some of your medical history from Wei Ying basic stuff. Like that you're allergic to honey and penicillin. Had the chickenpox and things like that because your family is a naturalist however they do not believe in the natural cycle of the Alpha, Beta, Omega. So you have been on hormone suppressants since puberty, correct?”
Lan Zhan frowned; he had never heard of his family’s rules put as beliefs before, “Correct.”
Nana Wen nodded, “Anything else you would like to add?”
Lan Zhan hesitated a moment, ‘family rules are to lie to doctors about pain. But never lie to elders.’ He eyed the elderly woman, “Are you a doctor?” He asked for clarification.
The elderly woman looked startled, “No… no honey I’m just the lady running the front desk the nurse is tending to A-Yuan getting his shots done and what not.”
Lan Zhan hesitated, “I recently recovered from a very bad injury on my back. As well as a car accident six years ago, It still aches.”
Nana Wen looked sour for a minute and smiled, “You don’t like doctors?”
Lan Zhan was silent for a moment and then shook his head, “My family uses healers.”
Once more that sour look appeared, “Well lucky for you we have a doctor and a healer…. So I will send the healer in…”
The elder left the room and within minutes there was a light knock on the door and a woman dressed in clean smart business attire. Entering her black hair put up in a bun in her arm was Wei Yuan.
The five year old instantly reached for him when he was spotted saying papa over and over again. Lan Zhan took the child getting more sure with his grip and method of carry for the beast as the days passed.
The woman bowed as soon as the door was closed, her fist to an open palm, “I’m Wen Qing healer.”
Lan Zhan knew how to handle this, “Thank you.”
She rose from her bow. Seemed serious and looked a bit familiar but he couldn’t put his finger on it, she also smelt odd. Almost like the elder.
Know that you’re not alone
Don’t gotta stay in the monochrome
Lan Zhan watched as she felt his pulse and then nodded, removing the glove she had put on for sanitary reasons.
“I know what is wrong.” Wen Qing said, pulling out her needles as well as a script pad. “Modern medicine is more apt at treating this but combined with acupuncture. It will be more effective.” She then paused looking at Wei Yuan. “We will have to do the acupuncture right away while Nana prepares your modern medication and the tonic you will have to make yourself at home twice a day. Wen Ning can watch A-yaun.” She smiled softly at the child.
Lan Zhan instantly got suspicious of the way she was talking, “I thought you were a healer.”
The woman smiled, “I’m a healer, with a medical degree and doctors license and practice. I can do both because with both I can heal more effectively. Now Mr. Lan you are sick, very sick. And before Wei Yuan becomes an orphan you need to be treated.”
Whenever your life is strange and
The pain is too much to go through
Know that you can find your haven
In those you’ve chose to be close to
‘Cause we’ll find the brightest colours
When we look inside each other
This life is more vibrant for the
Ones who find the light to shine through
Shine through, shine through
The ones who find the light to shine through
Shine through, shine through
Lan Zhan was moved to a room that he was much more comfortable for healing in. It was still clean and sterile but there were needles in jars along the wall encased in single use sterile plastic. There were glass cups and a torch to one side for cupping and big tubs of oil along with a few other items and the smell of sandalwood incense filled the air along with calming music.
Wen Qing came in and set down a gown. “I’m going to run two scripts and get the tonic ready with Nana, you change into this. And I want to see that back injury. If it's hurting that badly. So please lay on the bed with your back up.”
The woman left the room to give him privacy. He looked at the table that was like a massage table with a hole for one's face to rest and be cradled but this was covered in tissue paper as well as the body of the table. He eyed the table critically and reached under the end and pulled out additional length and sighed in relief. Before changing and assuming sitting position on the bed.
Wen Qing entered and eyed him with a frown, “Why aren’t you laying down?”
“What is wrong?” Lan Zhan asked.
Wen Qing signed. And pulled over the wheeled stool and sat down. Her position lowered then Lan Zhan so she could check his pulse once more while pulling on a glove; she began. “Saint John's Root, and Yaro…”
Lan Zhan frowned and started to pull away; he was familiar with what was about to come next. She wasn’t a believer, she was like every other doctor and healer outside of the clan.
She tightened the hold she had on his wrist. “Listen… I don’t care about your beliefs. I’m only telling you this because it's true for you.”
He paused maybe it was something in the tone of her voice, the sadness, the desperation? The plea? “What?”
“Normally this would be mostly harmless other than the argument I'm sure you have heard a thousand times. I’m not going to repeat it for you. However in your case you have developed an allergic reaction to these herbs that your home uses to suppress your hormones.” She shifted her hold on his hand and once more checked his pulse, “I know it sounds strange but repeated exposure to something especially if your body is exposed to it during a trauma physical or mental can cause an allergy to develop. With the state you're in it seems it's been like this for about… five or six years.”
Lan Zhan studied her face and suddenly he knew that smell was Wei Ying. She smelt of Wei Ying and he remembered. This was the woman who was close enough to write the obituary for Wei Ying, the one who wrote Husband. The one who had been closest to his person. He was scared. He wasn’t going to lie to himself. He had only subjected himself to Wei Ying modern medicine practices saying he learned from a childhood friend. But if Wei Ying trusted her…..
He nodded and laid on his belly and tried to ignore her gasp as she saw the whip marks littering his back.
So you don’t feel ready? Well, who does?
Aren’t you scared that you aren’t enough?
Does it make you wanna yell, oh-whoa-oh-oh
Lan Zhan was on his way to Wei Ying. His back burned and was bleeding freely against the car seat. His body was too warm. His eyes were blurred with tears he tried to hold back. The rain wasn’t helping his vision either. Once more he cursed his family for living up such twisting and tight cliff roads. Tho he should be following the speed limit and not going at such a speed. However Wei Ying asked him to leave the clan, and asked him to run away.
“Wait for me.” His voice was a desperate plea already late. He wished beyond hope that Wei Ying was still waiting for him.
Lan Zhan hit a particularly stubborn wet spot on the road and felt his car's tires hydroplaned, losing grip with the road. He tried to ease up on the gas to let the tire get grip on to the road again but it was the blind corner that was around a hairpin turn that caused the real problem. As his out of control car hit the guardrail preventing him from falling off the cliff of his home his mind flashed to a vision of Wei Ying standing in the rain outside the train station waiting.
“Wait….Wei…. Y…ying….” Was all he could whisper as his breath was finally stolen from him as headlights pulled up behind him and he heard shouting and darkness flooded from the corners of his vision.
Why the hell you agreeing with that stuff?
I know your emotions just blew you away
Caught in the ghosts, running through yesterdays
Jaded, dismayed or a violent rage
Well, the diary’s white 'til you write on the page
“Lan… Lan Zhan? Sir?”
He snapped back to the present looking at the alpha female in front of him. He had put his shirt back on in the daze of memories and was watching as she wrote a script.
“This is for pain…” she explained as she filled out the forms, “and this is for the scarring…. And last but not least this should help you with your soon to happen heat.” She looked at him, leveling his soul with that gaze.
“I don’t know if you will have a rut soon but with your suppression not working like it should. You need to stop taking it till you have one. I much rather you have the medication on hand just in case." She printed a few pages of paper work. “This is the after care summary. You can also find it online in the portal that will be sent to your phone number.”
Lan Zhan frowned, “I don’t recall?”
“Oh… sorry I assumed you never changed your number, you were Listed as Next of Kin for A-yaun.”
Your life’s not a shade, it’s a spectrum
And there ain’t no hex code for making connections
No eye-drop and fill to decide what you feel
There’s no guidebook or wheel you can reference
The answers will come as you render the questions
Lan Zhan woke up in the middle of the night to his phone buzzing. This was the fourth time that he could groggily remember in his deep sleep state. He answered the phone after seeing the caller ID. ‘State ranger’
“Hello.” His voice cracked.
“Lan Zhan! How could you sleep like that…. Never mind.” The voice on the other side was panic laden and something else that he hadn’t heard in this voice since his brother died.
“Huaisang what? Why are you calling from the state ranger phone?” He was alert now tugging at his clothing and putting on his pants. He was feeling worried and a bit anxious himself now.
“Come to Winslow mountain. Wei Ying…. Oh gods Lan Zhan Wei Ying he's dying.”
As soon as the other man said Come to… He was already on his map app trying to get directions. To ‘Winslow mountain’ but then. His brain caught up to the words. Wei Ying! His heart skipped a beat and he felt elation beyond his comprehension fill his very soul.
Dying
Dying
‘Wei ying is dying’
The elation was short-lived.
In every strum of that uncertain plectrum
And every friend’s a new fret on the neck
A new note to compose with, a tone to depend on
He never did make it to the mountain in time. Wei Ying had passed before he arrived. He was on the phone with their mutual friend Huaisang the whole time. But despite that the friend never mentioned the child.
[Pre-Chorus]
Things might RGB bad today
But everything will be CMY-OK
A flash of anger went through him and it seethed inside him as he gathered up Wei Yuan and took him back to the hotel they were staying at. Hotel may be a bit much to describe their current home, maybe more of an inn. Huaisang was in trouble as soon as he got a hold of him.
[Chorus]
Whenever your life is strange and
The pain is too much to go through
Know that you can find your haven
In those you’ve chose to be close to
‘Cause we’ll find the brightest colours
When we look inside each other
This life is more vibrant for the
Ones who find the light to shine through
Shine through
When Lan Zhan got to the place they were staying he’d call the man in question. Well that was the plan until he opened the door and saw the omega sitting on the couch in the living room watching cartoons. His son wiggled to be let down and without a thought he did so letting the child run to the Omega.
[Bridge]
When the lanterns turn black and the mountain falls silent
Denied any closure, the light disembarks
When that solid ground that you found is subsiding
But bright is the nova confined to the dark
Your heart’s not a prison, it’s a prism
For this kaleidoscope life that we’re given
Filled with its twists and its turns and transitions
Bringing us purpose in every collision
Rage…
Something Lan Zhan could say he had never felt before. Not like this. After all this time. After ALL this time. Lan Zhan finally had someone to blame. Someone who knew what happened. Who KNEW why Lan Zhan hadn’t made it to Wei Ying that night. Someone who KNEW where Wei Ying had been this whole time! Who knew that his SON existed!!!
Lan Zhan felt the flesh on his palms cut from his fingernails as he clenched tightly to try and reign in the temper.
“You… knew…” He said his voice coming out as a growl as a rumble deep from his chest and throat.
Nie Huaisang Stood up Holding A-yaun close to his chest half in comfort; half as a shield.
The thin reign Lan Zhan had on his temper steadied when the smaller omega looked up at Lan Zhan. His gaze was steady but not challenging. Showing a side that the long time school friend had never seen before.
“I did… I was ordered not to tell.” The voice that delivered it was soft but sad and full of the grief that Lan Zhan was feeling. The softness of the voice and the sadness put the fire of rage out in his sails.
“There is never enough time…” Lan Zhan whispered softly and the two men held A-yaun between as they talked softly.
You found what you lost then you lost what you found
Life’s more than survival and home’s not a town
It’s the people you bring as the kaleidoscope spins
And the colours they print when you’re writing it down
Lan Zhan was sad as he dressed his son in the white colors of mourning. The somber mood seemed to carry over to the toddler; he was less excitable than usual, really minding his manners.
Lan Zhan looked up as the car pulled up to take them to the mountain. Winslow Mountain. They were taken to the cliff edge where it happened. The place Wei Ying was last seen.
As they left the car he saw countless members of the town around them in the gravel parking way below the cliff and trail. Someone was passing out lanterns and matches. Another light sticks and candles. Lan Zhan didn’t take note of much beyond that point, just his mind racing as they walked the trail. What was Wei Ying doing up here so late at night?
As they climbed higher he picked up A-yuan to keep his little legs from getting too tired. The toddler rested his head on his shoulder with a thumb in his mouth as they climbed higher to the overlook. When they got there Lan Zhan understood. Once out of the cover the darkness provided by the trees, the view of the town below and the open valley was framed by the mountains. The sun set was silhouetting the mountains and casting a beautiful glow of dusky purples and pinks painting the snow top mountains like a watercolor painting.
The view was breathtaking. He was shuffled to a chair that was placed in front along with Nana Wen. He wasn’t shocked when Nie Huaisang stood front and center to start the ceremony as the dusk closed into darkness.
[Chorus]
Whenever your life is strange and
The pain is too much to go through
Know that you can find your haven
In those you’ve chose to be close to
‘Cause we’ll find the brightest colours
When we look inside each other
This life is more vibrant for the
Ones who find the light to shine through
Shine through, shine through
The ones who find the light to shine through
Shine through, shine through
The small slightly rounded Omega stood in front of the whole town gathered on the look out that Wei Wuxian had fallen from losing his life. But despite that history it was lively now. Silence fell over as the sun started to dwindle behind the mountains plunging the area in a purple twilight. The light from the sun set is not quite gone, just blocked by the mountains.
“Fellows of the town Winslow. We are here today in remembrance of a great man. Wei Wuxian, Wei Ying, Patriarch of Winslow. As those who knew him in the last few years knew that he loved to come up here. This was his favorite place to come and watch the sunset and enjoy the twilight…” He paused from reading the card he had in his hand. He seemed steady but the way his hand shook as he looked up at the crowd again said otherwise.
“You may now begin lighting the colors of life.”
As he said this slowly glowsticks started to crack and come to life small flames were lit in the paper lanterns. As Lan Zhan Watched the rainbow of color exploded behind him. He heard Hauisang speak again.
“[Spoken Outro]
Nothing lasts, everything fades
And every day, you are picking a pigment
To place on the canvas life paints
So why choose grey?
In the gallery of your time
You cannot always choose the pictures
But you can choose how they are depicted
And they will always be hung in your frame of mind
So smile but it’s okay to be sad
Blue is in the rainbow for a reason
And it has some of the shortest wavelengths
Because there’s never enough time to say goodbye
Everyone’s song ends
But how we crescendo is not as important
As all of the harmonies we left in our friends
You don’t get to go back
You just get to look
So make sure that the pictures you took
Are as colourful as they can be.”
The young omega came to the place where Lan Zhan was seated A-yaun in his lap. He only was able to focus on the other man when a white cloth appeared in his vision. A tissue.
As Nie Huaisang spoke to him Lan Zhan had to fight through the blurred vision of tears and the clogged ears, “Lan Zhan. You need to light a lantern for him. You need to help let him go. His colors belong to the wind now.”
Lan Zhan looked down at the lantern that was given to them at the beginning of the hike up. He watched as Huaisang unfurled the paper, puffing it up into shape with gentle ease. The alpha let the smaller omega take his son from his arms as he lit the lantern. He felt the flame catch and the wind try to take the delicate paper away. He held it gently up and placed A-yaun’s hand underneath it away from the flame. Huaisang also placed a hand below before all together they let go watching as it floated away, Lan Zhan could feel a small sense of peace wash over him almost for a moment on the wind he felt like he smelt his love. That scent of hard liquor and lotus flowers. It was gone as soon as it came. Before long he was on the ground crying, his son cradled and crying with him and Huaisang standing guard.
For once he felt free. For the first time in a long time. Not since that fateful night did Lan Zhan feel so … relieved and released. He was not complete but he had something new to live for.