Chapter Text
H
The sky was burning again.
The world beyond the bars of Hyunjin’s enclosure was on fire again.
Whenever the clouds were drenched in orange, he knew it wouldn’t be long before they came for him. Sparks were dancing like fireflies and gunpowder filled the air with foreboding.
He could hear distant voices, the sound of metal and chains. And then there were the screams – those would follow him into his nightmares.
The heavy iron door opened with a scraping sound and two men entered, heavily armed and their faces covered in masks. They approached Hyunin at the far back of the room where he sat on the ground, knees pulled to his chest, head resting against the wall. The skin on his neck was raw from the heavy collar which chained him in place.
Although his days of resistance were long over, they wouldn’t take any chances. Or perhaps they revelled in his pain – after all, they loved to watch him lose control.
“Time to meet your new opponent,” one of the masked men told him as they unlocked the chains from Hyunjin’s neck, ankles and wrists.
The burning sensation subsided for a moment of cool relief before a sturdy boot kicked him right into the stomach.
Hyunjin dropped to the ground, eyes still fixed on the orange clouds beyond the tiny window. The stones beneath and around him were all littered with claw marks – desperate attempts at freedom; back then when he’d still believed in a world free of pain.
“What’s wrong with him?” Someone asked.
“He’s faking. Double his dose this time.”
“We can’t do that. The protocol–”
“Fuck the protocol,” the first man snapped. He yanked Hyunjin off the ground and clicked another collar around his neck. “Double the dose and the night ends with a shitload of money.” He activated the control panel on Hyunjin’s new restraint and chuckled when the device sent a wave of electro shocks through the young man’s body. “This one has never disappointed us before, but the new wolf is bigger. We’ll just … help our luck a little, right?”
Hyunjin didn’t even look at his captors. He was counting the sparks, pretending they were shooting stars.
Please, let me die tonight. I don’t think I can bear this another night.
But no matter how many times he had repeated that wish already, fate had never taken pity on him.
C
Chan’s lungs filled with dirt and smoke; deep cuts ached on his torso and arms where his clothes had been sliced to shreds.
One second he’d been staring at the moon, calling out for the others; the next second, he felt dizzy and disoriented while a burning liquid was seizing his blood, causing his heart to stop and his vision to blacken.
Now, he was here, running for his life.
Although he couldn’t see them yet, he knew he had an audience.
He came to a halt in front of a large iron fence that reached all the way around the area he’d been circling. He took a step closer, trying to climb but the device around his neck reacted and sent a wave of electricity through his veins which forced him down into the dust.
The full moon watched over him like it did every month; it whispered to his bones, to the very core of his soul which hungrily awaited its time to be released. His eyes burned with the urge to turn, to unleash his anger at the people who’d captured him and this wicked game they were playing with him and the others like him.
But losing control meant losing his rational thought. He had to find a way out of here, had to make sure that he would come out of this alive.
The sound of a siren cut through the air, roaring from an array of speakers at every other corner. Red lights announced the arrival of another wolf, an opponent. At least that’s what the robotic voice recited through the sound systems: “Next up: subject 7384. Undefeated as of yet. The round ends with the death of one or both subjects. Place your bets.”
Chan felt his throat constrict at the words. The collar around his neck beeped loudly before it opened and fell to his feet. He could feel a burning sensation on the spots where it had touched his skin.
Freeing him of his restraints could only mean there was something else going on which was worse than a possible breakout.
Chan could hear it before he saw the actual creature. A deep, throaty growl echoed through the deserted area and sent a shiver down his spine.
The wolf was about the same size as the others he knew and loved, but its eyes held a terrifying aggression. Purple gleamed like rioting flames in its irises and the sheen of the odd color reached across its whole body. Beneath silver fur, it dragged its way under the creature’s skin like something otherworldly, something deeply unnatural.
This was no ordinary werewolf, Chan knew as soon as he laid eyes on him. It was something much worse, something man-made.
The wolf snarled at him, baring its fangs and rushing forward at a speed that Chan didn’t see coming.
In a matter of seconds, the creature was towering over him, heavy paws pressing him into the dirt while sharp claws dug into the skin beneath his already ruined clothes. The wolf’s gaze burned with rage; its face was covered in scars, the right ear missing a piece of skin.
Chan wondered whether he was going to die; wondered if the wolf saw him as just another piece of meat, just another meaningless kill.
It’s strange to be on this end for once, he thought.
Pain raked further down his shoulders, beckoning him to let go already, to turn and rip this creature to shreds!
No, not again. Not this time–
Chan gasped under the weight of the wolf and ducked out of the way just in time before its fangs could tear away at his face.
He kicked both legs up as hard as he could and drew a furious whimper from the creature. It was enough time to free his arms and slip out from under it.
Without looking back, Chan started to run for his life, ignoring his own creature’s frustration as he refused to let it take over.
H
Kill him!
The words boomed in his head like bolts of thunder.
You have to kill him!
KILL
HIM
He could feel their poison in his veins, burning like acid, erasing every last rational thought from his mind. Thorns were poking his brain and nerves, edging him on, making him lose his grip on reality with each passing second.
He’d lost count of his kills a long time ago. Sometimes, it was easier to surrender to whatever toxic cocktail they were injecting him with than live with the guilt of what he’d done.
The smell of blood was potent in the air, but mud and sweat mixed with another scent – adrenaline, fear and … the sorrowful width of the forest.
A memory pierced Hyunjin’s heart like a shard of glass. So very distant, out of reach–
Deception!
The rage that roared within him – that controlled his body – forced his gaze back to his prey.
The young man was running across the compound, so fragile and human.
Why didn’t he change? Why didn’t he fight?
Kill him
Bury your claws in his chest and rip out his heart
Taste his blood
Hyunjin was chasing after him already. His legs carried him swiftly; his teeth ached for another kill.
He would win again. He would tear this pesky human to shreds.
Acid burned in his veins as he hurled at his prey, extending his claws in a deathly charge. But the human was faster again. Hyunjin left another mark on his upper arm – deeper this time, slicing through flesh until he met bone.
The human screamed in agony before he slipped out of sight once more, into a crevice just small enough so Hyunjin couldn’t reach him.
Blood dripped into the dirt, painted Hyunjin’s paws crimson. The scent churned in his gut only fuelling his cravings.
But there was this other part again.
The forest
Lush treetops, the whisper of the wind, faint echoes of who he’d been before.
For a moment, Hyunjin felt his body again. He could move his head, he could catch a glimpse of that stranger, he could–
A blow to the face jerked him onto his back. His right eye was alight with pain and he blinked a few times before he realized what was happening.
A large, black wolf was towering over him, pinning him down and baring its teeth in a threatening growl.
The human had finally turned, he thought just as he lost control of his body once more.
He buried his fangs into his opponent’s leg, forcing him off so he could escape. But the black creature didn’t let him go far before attacking again.
Their encounter became a mess of claws and teeth and Hyunjin felt himself retreat more and more as the scent of blood grew overwhelming. There was nothing he could do except wait. Soon, he would wake up in his cell again, aching all over, falling into a deep, dreamless slumber.
C
1205
He squeezed his eyes shut until bright blotches clouded his vision but when he opened them again, he was staring at the same wall as before.
1205 lines were etched into stone – some a little crooked, others perfectly straight. Chan had counted them twice already.
It was a feeble attempt at maintaining his sanity, a pathetic way to force the imagery of the fight from his memory.
If they hadn’t separated them who knows what would have happened.
He had tried so hard to suppress that part of him but once he’d been injured, a second of inattentiveness had been enough to turn.
Chan had never been good at practicing self-control. He knew that the wolf part of him was only trying to protect him. But only rarely was it worth the loss of control.
On the other side of the room, chains rattled faintly.
Chan sat up straight, gazing over to the young man who’d been sinking his teeth and claws into him earlier. He was regaining consciousness but as soon as he raised his head, he buckled over to throw up in the corner – only that there was nothing coming out of his mouth except a strangled choking sound.
“Are you alright?” Chan asked cautiously. His restraints didn’t leave much room to move around so all he could do was sit there and watch as the stranger sat up and leaned his head against the wall.
“Just great,” he croaked. Sweat was beading on his forehead and dark, red cuts raked across his cheeks and lips.
The young man looked frail, most of his body was hidden beneath baggy clothing and his hair was shaved. Chan couldn’t help but wonder how many times they’d used him already.
“Do you remember what happened?” he asked, eager to gather any sort of information he could about this place.
Silence followed. And just when Chan thought the stranger wouldn’t answer him, he opened his eyes again. “I should’ve killed you.” His gaze and voice seemed oddly empty, void of any emotion. “Why are you still alive?”
“They interfered. Something about a bet and their protocol. I don’t think it was supposed to end this way.”
“No,” the stranger said drily. “There’s never been anyone else in here except for me.”
Chan frowned at him but reading his expression proved impossible. “I’m Chan,” he said instead and for a moment, something in the stranger’s face seemed to shift before it returned to the mask of indifference. “What’s your name?”
“I don’t have a name anymore.”
H
“How long have you been in here?”
The questions were already starting to annoy Hyunjin. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d spoken to another person, and he was already growing tired of speaking.
The serum was still lingering in his body, causing his muscles to ache. They had given him two doses instead of one. It was a miracle he’d even regained consciousness. But he felt sore and dizzy, unable to recall how he’d gotten back to his small prison.
They had never let another wolf in here before and now that stranger was sitting on the other side of the room, chained and shackled just like Hyunjin.
Chan
How did it feel to remember who you were?
How did it feel to want answers?
All Hyunjin could feel was exhaustion. Exhaustion and pain.
“Those markings,” Chan continued when he didn’t receive an answer; he motioned at the stone wall, at the many lines edged into it. “Is that how long they’ve been holding you captive?”
Hyunjin scoffed. His chains rattled as he drew his legs close to his chest. “I’ve stopped counting a long time ago.”
He could feel Chan’s eyes on him – alert, just like before.
The forest
Hyunjin remembered the forest, or traces of it at least.
“We have to get out of here,” Chan said. He yanked at his chains and dust crumbled from the wall. “I’m not letting them use me for their fights.”
“Once you get the chains off, you’ll start clawing at the walls. When that doesn’t work you turn and try to break through the door.” Hyunjin met his eyes again. “Either way, they’re gonna come and make sure you stay quiet.”
Chan pulled at the chains again until they ripped of the wall, taking a chunk of stone with them. “So what? We’ll sit around and wait for them to drug us so we can kill each other?”
“That’s an option.”
Chan crossed the room, still keeping a distance. His hair was as black as his fur had been; his clothes were torn, revealing his strong frame and wide chest – no wonder Hyunjin had struggled to stand up against him; the guy had the build of a brick wall. The wounds on his torso and arms, however, hadn’t fully healed yet. The deep injury on his upper arm where Hyunjin’s claw had torn the skin looked painful.
Chan followed his gaze to the wound and his jaw tensed. “You got me good.”
“Sorry,” Hyunjin answered dryly. He didn’t feel sorry but what else was he supposed to say? It felt good to hurt you. It felt necessary.
“Don’t be.” Chan took another step toward him, then squatted so they were on eye level. He pointed at Hyunjin’s right eye. “Does it hurt?”
Hyunjin shrugged. “It’ll heal.”
Chan nodded. He reached out and for an odd moment Hyunjin thought the stranger would touch him, but Chan’s hand closed around the chains and with one fluid motion, he yanked them out of the wall.
“We’re going to get out of here,” he said, gaze fixed on Hyunjin’s. He looked so serious, then, so alive – it was utterly out of place in Hyunjin’s lonesome prison that it felt infectious.
You and me, those brown eyes suggested.
“Why?” Hyunjin raised his hands to look at the remains of his shackles. When was the last time he’d tried to escape? When was the last time he’d felt anything close to hope?
“Because there’s two of us now.” There he was, the black wolf – all teeth and anger. “And I’ve seen what you can do out there.”
A lump formed in this throat at the thought of his wolf form. Was there ever a time when he’d enjoyed changing? Was there ever a time when he hadn’t been a monster?
Yes, that distant echo in the back of his mind reminded him. You love the forest, don’t you remember?
“I …” Hyunjin averted his gaze as he felt dry tears burn in his eyes. “Maybe I’m better off in here. They’ve injected me so many times I’ve lost count. I’m not able to control my wolf anymore.”
In the corner of his eye, he saw Chan move as he stood up. He was offering a hand and Hyunjin didn’t know why he took it.
“Out there,” Chan said, “my pack is waiting for me.”
Hyunjin brushed his sleeve over his stinging cheek. “Your pack?”
“When we get out of here, you should join us.” The ghost of a smile grazed the stranger’s features as he looked at Hyunjin.
“I don’t think so.”
The stranger shrugged as if to say: It’s your choice. He walked back to his side and leaned against the wall. “Either way, we’re not staying.”
We
The word didn’t make sense to him. Just like Chan didn’t make sense to him.
He’d spent so much time in this tiny cell that he had never even considered the idea of escaping. And still, when he looked at the kind eyes of the stranger on the other side of the room, he believed them.
Maybe he had finally lost his mind. But after a moment of silent, he nodded at his opposite, chains rattling as he sat cross-legged. “My name is Hyunjin.”
C
Chan’s dreams were haunted by distorted screams and grimaces of beasts beyond his recognition. A blurry array of nightmares tailored to rob him of any chance of rest.
Only when meek morning light found its way into the tiny cell did Chan give up on his failed attempt at sleep.
The door squeaked as it was opened. Two masked men stepped into the enclosure, dressed in black and armed with two syringes that contained a suspiciously gleaming liquid.
“Rise and shine, mutts,” one of the men announced with a spiteful laugh. He stalked over to Hyunjin and kicked him in the back before he even had the chance to sit up.
“Look who’s trying to act up,” the other man said as he towered over Chan who’d managed to back himself against the wall just in time. He picked up the shackles that had been torn from the wall and showed them to his colleague. “He hasn’t tried this in a while. Looks like having company lifted his spirits.”
“Oh, that’s something we can fix in just a second.” The man with Hyunjin held up the syringe as he closed in. Hyunjin was still lying on the ground, curled up in a ball.
The masked man grabbed a fist full of his shirt and yanked him up, exposing his neck where his skin already showed countless of scars and puncture wounds.
Chan’s gaze was fixed on Hyunjin’s face as he counted the seconds in his mind.
Almost there
His hand tightened on the chain behind his back which he’d wrapped around his knuckles earlier.
The masked man on his side reached for his shirt as well, forcing him to stand up. Chan could make out a taser on his belt, praying that the man was feeling too cocky to use it.
“A dose of this will make you forget about your little friendship.” He held up the syringe with an ugly grin. “And this time, you’ll get to tear each other apart without interruption and win us a pretty sum.”
One each, Hyunjin had told Chan last night. Maybe we can trick them. They’ve become complacent with me when they inject the serum because I haven’t shown resistance in a long time. If we’re lucky, they won’t even bring their weapons.
Chan had seen what that serum had done to Hyunjin. There was no chance he would let that happen to him again. Then we’ll let them think they have the upper hand. And once they let their guards down, we give them a taste of their own medicine.
They had one chance at this. Once chance at escape.
Hyunjin opened his eyes and met Chan’s gaze – there was fear and there was uncertainty, but most of all, there was trust.
Now
Chan landed the first punch. A loud crack filled the cell as his fist collided with the masked man’s face.
“Ah, fuck!” The man on Hyunjin’s side joined his colleague’s cursing. “You freak!”
One syringe dropped to the ground and burst – or was it both?
Chan lost sight of the serum throughout the chaos the second he’d landed the first punch. He focused on the man in front of him, bringing him to the ground and restraining him with the same shackles he’d felt on his own wrists and ankles only a day before.
“You piece of shit!” The man raged on. “Just you wait until we get the rest of your dirty pack.”
Those words hit the spot. They burned a fuse in Chan’s brain, flicked a switch.
They could hurt him however they wanted; they could lock him in a cage and force him to fight; but as soon as they started going after his own, they had crossed a line.
Chan’s wolf raked its head, bared its teeth at him in a plea to take over. Only that it wasn’t a plea anymore; his wolf demanded control, demanded to put those into place that had harmed his family.
No. No, no, no. That wasn’t the plan.
A deep and frightening growl escaped from the chasm of Chan’s chest as the forest spread its roots in and around his bones, claiming him as one of its own. Canines pierced through Chan’s gums and his vision flickered with rage.
The man beneath him stared up in terror and the scent of his fear was fuelling Chan’s longing to burrow his fangs in his captor’s neck. His fingers tensed as his claws started to break skin and his heart thundered loudly, all of his senses heightened.
Chan could taste blood on his tongue as he ripped into the masked man’s chest, as he tore out his throat and bared his bloody teeth at the pathetic human being who had dared to cross him.
Chan?
A voice, clear and vibrant, tapped into the shallow water of his mind, sent ripples across his nervous system, caused him to halt for a second as blood dripped loudly from his mouth.
Chan?
Another voice, yet just as vibrant.
Are you there?
Where are you?
Are you alright?
Did they hurt you?
More ripples crossed the water, more voices filled the silence. They were talking over one another, bursting with worry and concern. But they were an anchor for Chan, something to hold on to in this endless sea of rage he was trapped in.
Those were parts of him. Those were his friends, his family, his pack.
Don’t– he tried. He tried so hard to answer their calling, to warn them about this death-trap, about the dangers lurking beyond the forest. Don’t look for me.
A howl broke loose from his chest, from somewhere deep within, traced with sorrow and grief.
This isn’t you, Felix had told him once, on a mild summer night when the others had left to roam the forest until the early morning hours. This anger you feel isn’t tied to your wolf. It’s tied to your fear.
I haven’t been scared in a long time, he’d answered his friend. And he remembered the moon that night had been bright and round and inviting. Yet he remained the only one at their base most nights, staring at the moon instead of becoming part of it. For he knew that once he let loose, there was no guarantee whether he would return.
What’s so wrong about being scared once in a while? Felix had asked him in turn, patting the left side of his chest with his fist. We’ll keep each other safe, remember?
Remember
Of course he did.
“HEY!”
Chan’s eyes snapped back into focus and the howling stopped almost abruptly. His ears flicked towards the direction of the voice – now very much present with him instead of lost in the depth of his mind.
He spotted Hyunjin at the opposite side of the cell, the body of the second masked man to his feet. His whole stance was tense, his face a stony mask as he held both arms outstretched, pointing the barrel of a gun right toward Chan. He was breathing heavily, staring at the black wolf in front of him with a mixture of terror and awe.
We’ll keep each other safe, remember?
H
His heart would jump right out of his chest, Hyunjin was sure of it.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt alive. The last time he was aware of all these sensations around and within him.
His fingers were clinging to the gun in his hands, the one he’d used to kill the man to his feet. With his own two hands. Not as a wolf but as a human being.
His back still hurt from where that bastard had kicked him earlier. But most of all, his eyes were glued to the huge creature right in front of him – as breathtaking as it was terrifying. It had ripped that man’s heart from his chest in a mere second, had sullied its claws and nuzzle with blood in a feral rage that Hyunjin only knew from his own otherness.
In this dim and hopeless prison of his, had he finally met his match?
“I have no idea if you can hear me in there,” Hyunjin started, trying to keep his voice as steady as before when he’d tried to gain the wolf’s attention, “but we had a plan, remember?”
The wolf flicked its ears again, brown eyes as vivid as dying embers.
He can hear me, can’t he? Hyunjin thought, a little awestruck by the creature’s presence alone.
“We have to leave. Quickly. They will wonder why their men aren’t returning.” He hesitated for a moment before he motioned at the gun with his head. “Can I trust you not to kill me for now? It’s not fair that way, you know.” He couldn’t hide the tension in his tone even as he tried to ease up for that last remark.
The wolf stirred. Without letting go of Hyunjin’s gaze, the creature slowly approached him in a couple of steps, audibly exhaled, then lowered its head.
For a moment, Hyunjin felt perplexed by the gesture. Then, carefully, he lowered the weapon.
The black wolf took another step, nudged Hyunjin’s free hand with its wet nose and moved its head to motion at its back.
“No way.” Hyunjin secured the weapon beneath his clothing, then crossed the enclosure to risk a glance out of the open cell door.
Something – someone – nudged him gently at his shoulders and when Hyunjin turned, the wolf – Chan – was looking at him with a more human expression; his eyes had lightened and he exhaled again as if to say: Weren’t you the one who said we have to hurry?
Hyunjin pressed his teeth together. He risked another glance to make sure they were in the clear before he stepped around the large black wolf. Chan was lowering himself so Hyunjin could climb on his back quite easily, a little uncertain as to where to hold on to.
Perhaps this is all a dream, he thought as he carefully leaned forward to hold on to the soft fur and broad shoulders of the impressive woodland creature.
When Chan moved, sneaking through the narrow paths of the underground dungeon, Hyunjin had to press his body closely to the wolf’s, sensing the fluid movements of its lean muscles, the natural warmth of its large body.
With each passing second, he felt more at ease. Against all odds, he felt safe.
That way, lingering among the scent of the forest, the steady breathing of the black wolf and the rhythmic steps beneath him, Hyunjin didn’t even realize that he answered out loud when Chan’s voice found its way into his mind.
C
This was a totally new experience. Chan had always felt his wolf, had always been aware of that part of him. But he had never been the wolf. Never before had he felt so settled in his other form, so at ease with that anger that had raged within him like a fiery blaze, leaving nothing in its wake until Chan’s energy would dwindle and his human body would return.
Perhaps this was the first time in his life that he was grateful for his wolf, grateful for the body that moved around corners with ease, for the ears and nose that picked up every stray sound and scent, warning him of people approaching and locations they should better avoid.
And while they were roaming through the maze of their former prison, Chan tried to contact his pack. It was a long shot because he had no idea how far they were apart, but he’d heard his friends’ voices before when he had turned.
Is anyone close enough to hear me? He prompted into the silence while his senses were still alert of his surroundings and the body resting on his back. I was captured. They brought me to this place and forced me to turn. I think this is some sort of fight club. They use wolves to pit them against one another.
For a while, all he could hear was his own breaths, the patter of his steps on concrete, Hyunjin’s heartbeat against his back – his warmth pressed firmly against him.
He recalled the young man’s gaze when he was clutching the gun, the terror Chan had evoked by losing control. It brought back a spark of anger, a regret which coiled harsh and hot in his stomach like a lapping tongue.
Chan is that really you?
Changbin?
Yes, it’s me. But how can you …? Are you alright?
Chan’s heart leaped at the sound of his friend, at the connection they maintained throughout all of this. I’m alright. I’m trying to get out as we speak.
Thank the stars you’re okay. There was relief in Changbin’s tone, but Chan couldn’t unhear the exertion beneath. Can you tell me where you are?
I have no idea. Maybe once we reach the outside, I can try to make out a few landmarks. How is everyone?
Don’t worry about us, Chan. We were looking for you, but they must’ve taken you somewhere well hidden.
Chan?! Holy shit it’s really you, isn’t it?! A third voice joined their conversation and Chan’s heart squeezed at the familiar sound.
Hi Jisung, he said, I don’t have much time to talk to you. Don’t come looking for me. I’ll make my way back to you.
What if they hurt you again? Jisung asked. What if you lose control and–
He won’t, Changbin interrupted him. He’s our leader. He’ll know what to do.
I’m not alone, Chan said, once again focused on Hyunjin’s weight and the rhythm of his breath. I met another wolf.
Another wolf? Changbin and Jisung asked in unison.
I’ll explain to you later. I think I can sense the forest from here. It’s faint but it might be a lead.
“You can sense the forest?” Hyunjin’s voice sounded drowsy then, and yet the presence of it startled Chan into a halt.
Had Hyunjin just reacted to something he’d told his pack? In his mind?
Hyunjin seemed to realize only a second later because he sat up on Chan’s back, bumping his head into the low ceiling and cursing quietly at the impact.
Chan glanced over his shoulder and caught the young man’s puzzled expression. He shrugged as if searching for an explanation himself.
“I didn’t know why I asked you that,” he said, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. “Obviously, you can’t answer me because you’re a wolf.”
Chan hesitated for a moment before he uttered something in his mind. Can you hear this?
Hyunjin’s eyes widened in surprise.
Hyunjin?
“Holy shit.” Hyunjin was staring at him with a mixture of horror and puzzlement. “I can talk to a wolf. Maybe I am insane.”
Chan met his eyes. You’re not insane. This is a common form of communication among packs. Which is strange because you’re not …
Who the fuck are you talking to? Changbin’s voice interrupted Chan’s train of thought and he realized that they weren’t able to hear Hyunjin like he did.
Yeah, who’s Hyunjin? Jisung asked.
“I don’t have a pack.” The last word sounded a little too harsh from Hyunjin’s lips. “And I don’t want to talk to others in my thoughts. Get out of my head!”
I didn’t intend to get into your head, Chan retorted, a little taken aback by Hyunjin’s sudden defensiveness.
Whose head? Changbin again. This was getting confusing. Chan?
Sorry, I … I’ll talk to you later okay? We’re almost out now.
Fine, but be careful.
I always am.
“Are you talking to yourself now?” Hyunjin asked in disbelief. “Maybe you’re the one going insane.”
You can only hear me?
“Am I supposed to hear someone else?”
I was talking to my pack.
Hyunjin hesitated for a moment, before he said, “Oh.”
He didn’t ask what that meant and Chan didn’t ask either because he didn’t know. They had other things to worry about, escaping this hell hole for example.
“There’s a set of stairs over there.” Hyunjin pointed at the far end of the narrow passage. “Do you think you can take out a few more of these bastards without killing me in the process?”
The truth was, Chan didn’t know. He’d only just gained control of his wolf; he had no idea how this state would change once he found another victim to bury his fangs into.
I’m not the best at controlling my change, he admitted. Actually, this is the first time I am fully in charge of this form.
The implication of what that meant hung between them for a moment, heavy with that strange connection that had formed in such a short amount of time.
“Well,” Hyunjin said, holding on to Chan’s fur once more, “that makes two of us.”
H
The top of the stairs greeted them with a clouded sky. It took one swipe of Chan’s paw for the lock to burst open. The steel door creaked and once they stepped out onto the compound, Hyunjin felt a strange ache in the pit of his stomach.
This was it.
A chance at freedom.
How many nights had he dreamed about this before he’d given up on the thought completely?
A breeze raked across the barren grounds and Hyunjin took a deep breath. Although the area outside was covered in nothing but barbed wire, small buildings and withered landscape, it felt like a triumph.
The world as Hyunjin had known it was grey, hard and made of stone. This was an improvement, no matter how small.
It’s too quiet, Chan noted as he started to pace around the compound.
There was no sign of anyone out here. Everything lay eerily still as if abandoned.
Do you have any idea of the area?
Hyunjin shook his head as he scanned their surroundings. “I know I’ve been out here, but they always drugged me. I can remember bits and pieces but when I change, I …”
Lose control, Chan finished his sentence. I get it.
Hyunjin stared at his new … friend? … as they made their way across the grounds. Were they really that alike?
How could they be, when Chan was the one who belonged to a pack; when Chan was the one who came up with the courage for both of them?
I am nothing like him, Hyunjin thought until he realized that Chan might’ve been able to hear those thoughts as well.
But the black wolf didn’t answer him this time. Hyunjin buried his fingers deeper into the thick fur. Although it didn’t make sense, it eased his nerves. “Do you think you can get through the fence?”
Chan grunted beneath him. I think there’s another problem.
Hyunjin followed his gaze towards one of the buildings where a small, white camera was facing in their direction. “Fuck.”
Before he could add anything else, a gunshot ripped through the air, hitting the ground beside them. Then another one.
Hold on, Chan warned while he was already sprinting across the compound, searching for cover.
Hyunjin was clinging to the black wolf with both arms and legs, trying to keep his balance and letting his gaze roam across the roofs and fences to spot any shooters.
But something else was suddenly wrong. The large body beneath Hyunjin started to tense and twitch as Chan threw his head back and nearly knocked Hyunjin to the ground.
“What the–”
But then it dawned on him. The wolf’s rushed steps seemed to slow; his grunting shifted and the body beneath Hyunjin started to change.
“Are you fucking kidding me,” Hyunjin exclaimed as he was hurled through the air, off the wolf that was no longer a wolf but a human being – features distorted in agony once the fur and the claws and the fangs retracted.
Dirt swirled where both of them landed – half on top of one another – while more gunshots soared through the air. The leftover momentum sent them rolling a few meters across the ground, into the cover of one of the steel buildings.
Hyunjin sat up, rubbing his throbbing shoulder and cursing at the loss of the gun which he’d felt slipping from his person only moments before. Then, he noticed a very human, very naked Chan curled up next to him – his breath was heavy, his face still tracked by the pain of the sudden change.
“What just happened?” Hyunjin asked, hesitant to touch or even look at him. “Are you okay?”
“That” – Chan leaned onto his forearms as he tried to sit up, his voice strained and his skin completely smeared with dirt – “hurt.”
A gun shot shattered the window right above their heads. Glass rained down on them and Hyunjin instinctively leaned forward to cover Chan’s bare body from the impact.
He realized what he was doing once he looked up to meet Chan’s surprised gaze, only a few inches from his own.
His cheeks felt hot as he retreated, averting his eyes. Then, he focused his attention on the broken window. “We should head inside. Maybe we’ll find something to cover you up.”
Without waiting for a response, Hyunjin smashed in the remaining glass with his covered hand and hoisted himself through the opening. He tried to help Chan as much as he could without looking at him – which took a bit of effort but finally, they managed to both slip inside.
While Chan leaned back against the wall, knees drawn to his chest, trying to even his breathing, Hyunjin began to search the room for anything useful.
“I … don’t know what just happened,” Chan said after a moment of silence. “One moment I was a wolf, and then I wasn’t.”
“It’s okay.” Hyunjin kicked against a locked drawer until it fell open. It revealed a first aid kit. “Bingo.”
He managed to find a stray vest on a hanger and a dusty old uniform that read ANIMAL CONTROL on the back. He tossed it to Chan with a scoff. “This is sick.”
Chan eyed the clothing with a disgusted expression but put it on nevertheless.
Hyunjin stared at him for a moment, too perplexed to turn around, until Chan caught his eye.
He was closing the zipper, a worn grin spreading across his lips. “Like what you see?”
Hyunjin snorted and turned around – way too late, of course – before he crossed his arms and cleared his throat. “I liked the wolf better. With him we had an actual chance of getting out of here.”
“Look, I’m sorry.” Chan’s voice sounded heavy all of a sudden and Hyunjin felt a spark of regret about his snide remark. “But we’ll still get out of here. There is something between you and me that’s different than what I feel with my pack. It’s like we’re … connected.” Footsteps approached behind Hyunjin. “Maybe we can use that to our advantage.”
Hyunjin felt a lump in his throat at the thought of connection. It felt wrong to even think about the possibility.
“You can turn around now, by the way,” Chan said when he didn’t answer and when Hyunjin turned, the former black wolf was wearing only the bottom part of the uniform. His torso was covered with the vest Hyunjin had found, exposing his wide shoulders and muscular arms as he held out the first aid kit.
“We should clean the cuts on your face. They’re not healing.”
“I don’t have a–” but Hyunjin stopped mid-sentence once he brought up a hand to his cheek in confusion, sensing the sudden sting. His fingers came away red. “What about the cameras? How are we supposed to get out of here now?”
Something lit up in Chan’s gaze like a drop of sunlight. He motioned at the pile of remaining clothes on the ground with his head. “If we can’t fight them, we’ll have to blend in.”
C
“Ouch!”
“Sorry, but you have to hold still,” Chan said as he brought the disinfectant back to Hyunjin’s cheek. They had changed into the uniforms – or at least what they could find of any remaining uniforms in the small space.
“What do you think it means?” Hyunjin suddenly asked. “That the cuts don’t heal?”
Chan applied small strips across the cuts to stop them from bleeding, then he leaned back to regard his work. “It usually means the connection to your wolf is blocked. It might have something to do with those drugs. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”
“Maybe it’s for the best,” Hyunjin said, fidgeting with the mask they’d found in another drawer. “You know, I can’t really remember what was before this.” He shrugged but Chan noticed the tension in his jaw. “That wolf is the reason why I’m here. If I never see him again” – he looked up at Chan with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes – “is that really so bad?”
“This is nothing you get to choose.” Believe me, Chan wanted to add, I wish it was. “It’s something you’re given.” He sighed as he thought about the family he’d found and about the anger he was living with every day. “Curse or blessing, that seems to be a controversial topic among our kind.”
Hyunjin looked at him. “What’s it for you, then?”
Chan smiled at him. “A challenge. Some days more than others.”
Hyunjin huffed out a laugh. “Really? So you like the fact that others read your thoughts all damn day?”
“I have nothing to hide.”
Hyunjin met his eyes with a smirk that seemed to imply: You’re full of shit. But he didn’t say anything. He was just nodding, a knowing look in the dark brown of his eyes as he rose and tossed Chan the second mask. “We made it this far, let’s not get killed now.”
Chan smiled at the words because it meant that Hyunjin was on his side. He wanted to get out; he wanted to leave this place, which could only mean he hadn’t given up on himself yet.
“There’s something I found all the way back there, in one of the shelves.” He got up from the desk and approached the very spot he’d searched earlier until he was standing in front of a broken clock that was missing one of its pointers.
Under Hyunjin’s puzzled gaze, Chan moved the remaining pointer along the roman numbers until they heard a quiet clickand the whole shelf started to move on its own, revealing a narrow passage and a seemingly infinite number of stairs.
“Holy shit.” Hyunjin stared at the secret doorway and then back at Chan. “Where do you think it leads?”
Chan sighed as he stared into the darkness. “Let’s find out.”
They descended the stairs in silence, accompanied by the sounds of hushed footsteps and the occasional drip of water somewhere in the distance. The temperature slowly dropped and once they’d reached the end of the stairs, Chan felt a shiver run down his spine.
Hyunjin stopped closely behind him, his breath the only indicator of his presence.
It was pitch-dark in the tunnel and although Chan could access some of his abilities – he could see ahead faintly, his ears trained to recognize any suspicious noise – he was mostly left in the dark. Hyunjin seemed to fare even worse because he reached out and brushed his fingers against Chan’s bare forearm.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I can’t see anything in here.”
“It’s okay,” Chan tried to soothe him, ignoring the tingling sensation where Hyunjin’s fingers had touched him. “The forest will lead us.”
He recalled Hyunjin’s question from earlier: You can sense the forest?
A question that seemed very strange coming from a fellow wolf. Because did that imply Hyunjin couldn’t sense the forest?
It was a natural instinct, something essential like breathing, something inevitable as life and death itself. There was the thrum of his beating heart, the fluid movement of his lungs as he took a breath, the blood running through his veins, connecting him to the wolf that would heal his injuries every single time. And then there was the forest.
He couldn’t exist without it. So the fact that Hyunjin had never sensed that connection before – or had forgotten about it – left Chan with a bitterness that staked his anger once more.
“How does it feel?” Hyunjin asked after a moment of hesitation.
They’d started walking again, carefully down the path as Chan led the way. “It’s a whisper, most of the time. You can feel its presence when you’re close to it.”
“And you could feel it before, right? When you were talking to your pack?”
“I did.”
Chan?
Chan halted abruptly as he heard the sound of Felix’s voice in his head. Hyunjin bumped right into him, cursing at him in a low voice but Chan was focused on his friend instead.
I know you’re there, I can feel you.
Yes, it’s me. What’s wrong?
He heard a small chuckle in Felix’s tone before he said, Even when you can’t see my face you can call my bluff. He sighed. Changbin and Jisung found the place where they’re holding you captive. They’re concealed behind a barrier, that’s how they manage to stay hidden. Have you found anything about their identity?
Only stuff that leads to more questions.
“Are you even listening to me?!” Hyunjin had stepped in front of him now, waving a hand in front of his face.
“Shh!” Chan shushed him. “I’m talking to my pack.”
Hyunjin seemed to be unaware of Chan’s partly night-vision because he grimaced at him. “Maybe you should focus on getting out of here instead of catching up with your friends.”
Chan frowned at the snide comment. “What’s wrong with you all of a sudden? Are you jealous?”
Chan couldn’t see Hyunjin’s cheeks change color in the darkness, but he could feel the warmth between them as he huffed out a breath. “Of course not.”
Chan?
Yes, sorry. I’m with someone else. He’s one of us. It seems like I can talk to him like I can talk to all of you, which is …
Strange, Felix offered. But kinda exciting, too. Don’t you think?
Chan bit back a laugh as he looked at Hyunjin who was still staring into the darkness with crossed arms. I don’t think he can hear me now, though.
You know what that means, right?
Do I? Chan answered, reaching for Hyunjin’s wrist and gently leading him further forward.
A tether, most likely.
“What’s he saying, your friend?” Hyunjin asked, drawing out the word friend.
Chan felt a lump form in his throat at Felix’s suggestion.
A tether? Some invisible string connecting them, intertwining their lives? Fate?
“He thinks we might be tethered,” he said, never letting go of Hyunjin’s wrist as another peace offering. He didn’t know why he cared so much about what Hyunjin would think of him, about his thoughts and the things he hid in the depth of his eyes. He only knew it mattered.
Hyunjin hummed an amused laugh. “Soulmates?”
“Something like that, yes. It’s not uncommon among wolves.” He’d seen it happen first-hand. There was nothing you could do about it, nothing you could change. Like the forest, it was an inevitability.
“I thought those were nothing but fairytales,” Hyunjin said, humor still lacing his voice. “All because I could hear you in my head earlier? What if it’s just some side effect of the serum? Maybe that’s also the reason why my cut doesn’t heal, why I …” he trailed off, but Chan knew the end of that sentence already: Why I can’t feel my wolf anymore.
Don’t go near the barrier, Chan told Felix to change the topic. If we make it out, we’ll find you. But it’s too dangerous for you anywhere near here. They are on to us already.
When you make it out, Felix corrected him, we’ll be there to guide you. I’m sorry but I won’t sit back while you’re in danger. And I think I speak for all of us when I say this.
Chan audibly sighed and noticed Hyunjin’s questioning gaze in the corner of his eye.
If anything goes wrong, Chan answered his friend, you’ll make sure the others are safe.
Once he’d gotten Felix’s agreement, he said to Hyunjin: “I don’t think we’re headed towards their base. If I can talk to the others without intently searching for them, the forest can’t be far either.”
“You mean, this is a way out instead of a way in?”
“Could be both, but …” Chan let go of Hyunjin’s wrist to brush his fingers against the walls; they were made of earth and damp wood now instead of stone. “Can you smell this?” He turned around and watched Hyunjin close his eyes as he inhaled. His chest rose and Chan had a moment to simply observe him, drink him in in a way that caused his heart to cave.
His eyes fluttered open and surprise mixed into his solid features. “Earth!” His eyes searched for Chan’s in the darkness. “This tunnel must lead somewhere outside. The forest maybe?”
They shared a moment of quiet hope, of We’re gonna make it, aren’t we?
Then, Hyunjin’s expression seemed to falter. “Can you show it to me?” He asked softly. “I feel like there are traces of it left in my memory, but I can’t … reach them.”
Chan closed his eyes, tried to find the whispers that had never quite stopped appealing to him, not even in the dim prison cell. He focused on the tunnel around them, the cold, earthy scent of wild roots and damp mud. And he could almost hear the treetops, then; the rustling undergrowth of bushes and wild plants, animals skittering and calling out to their kind.
Home
His chest felt heavy when he reached out to take Hyunjin’s hand, interlaced their fingers and took a step towards him. His eyes were still closed as he leaned in, slowly, before his words tumbled between them: “All you have to do is listen.”
H
That’s what Hyunjin did. He listened.
He listened to Chan’s heartbeat so close to his own; he listened to his breath and the distant thrum of water hitting the ground. He listened to the earth as it told him that out there, his old life was waiting for his return.
Chan’s fingers felt warm and familiar against his own. It was odd to feel someone else’s touch again – full of intent, no accidental brush of skin, but heavy with meaning.
He almost wanted to let himself believe that there was a string connecting them, tugging them towards one another. Someone to lean on; someone to talk to; someone to share his loneliness with.
But that simply wasn’t him. Not anymore.
Hyunjin opened his eyes and retrieved his hand. He was able to see a little better now that his sight had adjusted to the darkness – or was it his wolf returning?
“This way,” he said, taking the lead this time.
Chan followed suit without another word. Hyunjin felt his trust burn brightly in the darkness and yet he refused himself to believe it so easily.
Tethered
The word settled deep within his chest like a secret. It sank to the bottom of his very self, where he tugged it away safely; something that belonged only to him – the very first thing in many years.
Once they arrived at the end of the tunnel, time had become a useless measure in the darkness. A small ladder led to a hatch above their heads, and once they exchanged a determined look, Chan was the one who climbed up first.
Hyunjin held his breath when he pushed the rusty handle and the hatch opened with a deafening creaking sound. So much for discretion.
“What do you see?”
He watched Chan observe for a moment before the former black wolf pushed the hatch all the way open and pulled himself up. When he leaned back down, he smiled the most breathtaking smile Hyunjin had ever seen – bright and toothy and brimming with relief. He was offering his hand to help Hyunjin up, whose breath somehow caught in his throat for a moment.
He climbed the steps and took Chan’s hand as he emerged from the dark tunnel. It took a second for his eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness, for his ears to register all the different sounds after the eerie silence.
“This can’t be real.”
The small hatch was situated in the middle of a large clearing, which was overgrown with grass and wildflowers, surrounded by lush trees and bushes full of red berries. Treetops loomed against the cloudy sky and birds chirped loudly all around.
“It must’ve been some secret passageway, an escape route,” Chan said, voice light as a feather as if he had to try to convince himself first. When he turned to Hyunjin, his black hair was ruffled by the breeze and small crinkles formed at his eyes, clearing them of all his sorrows.
His smile was so infectious that Hyunjin couldn’t help but feel light as well. Like a cloud, he seemed to drift away from the rusty hatch, kneeling so he could feel the grass between his fingers.
Soft, welcoming leaves swayed beneath him until raindrops started to fall right on Hyunjin’s hands. It took him a moment to realize that tears were rolling down his cheeks like restless treasures.
He wanted to laugh out loud about this absurdity. He wanted to tell Chan how much he had missed everything and most of all, he wanted to thank him for believing they would make it out of this place. Because here they were. Finally free. Finally–
“Hyunjin!”
It wasn’t the sound of his name that tied his stomach in a knot; it was the shade of Chan’s voice, laced with terror.
Before he could turn around to ask what was wrong, he was hit with a flash of light that blinded him for a moment until he could cover his eyes. The sound of moving tires reached his ears, growing louder as the beam of light swallowed him whole.
He could hear Chan’s hurried steps as he approached, tearing at Hyunjin’s jacket and yanking him up. “They’re here.”
Hyunjin’s blood ran cold at the words. But he could see it now, the vehicle that had suddenly driven onto the clearing, seemingly out of nowhere. Then there was a second one, appearing out of thin air it seemed, right behind the first.
“No.” He shook his head, retreating and bumping into Chan. “We made it. They can’t be here.”
“That’s the barrier. Felix said they were hiding their base behind it.” Chan reached for Hyunjin’s shoulders, forcing him to look straight at him. “We’re out. I won’t let them hurt us again.”
How can you promise something like that? Hyunjin wanted to yell at him, but the words were stuck in his throat.
“It’s over,” another voice boomed through the speakers on top of the cars. “Your little adventure ends here. There’s nowhere to hide, nowhere to run to. It was fun to see you try, though.”
Chan’s gaze was still burning into Hyunjin’s. “If I tell you to run, you run.”
“What?”
But there was no time for further explanation because a sudden howl filled the air, joined by a second and a third one until there were too many of them to tell apart.
Large wolves entered the clearing, jumping out of the undergrowth and the treeline. They appeared from every angle, attacking the vehicles and the people in them. Howling turned into growls and snarls as the creatures conquered the cars, smashing their windows and dragging the surprised drivers out into the open.
Screams ripped through the air, followed by gun shots and more crashing windows.
Hyunjin watched the wolves in awe, counted six of them in total in an array of different colors. He felt his own chest constrict with grief at the sight, a deeply wedged feeling that reached into the farthest cracks of his self, splitting his numbness wide open.
The forest
You love the sound of crushing leaves and the smell of freshly fallen rain, remember?
Remember?
“Now!” A warm hand gripped his wrist and pulled him along into the opposite direction of the raging fight.
Hyunjin’s feet moved but it took him a moment to tear his gaze away from the spectacle, from the wolves that sank their fangs into the bodies of their enemies and continued to spill their blood on the forest ground.
He envied them. Envied their anger and their chance at revenge. He envied their connection, their gifted togetherness, and he envied that they had known Chan for much longer than he had.
“Don’t look back,” Chan told him, firmly holding on to his hand now as they ran across the clearing, right towards the opposite treeline.
“Where are we going?” Hyunjin asked once they reached the undergrowth and twigs and berry bushes started to claw at the now useless uniforms.
From one second to the next, the forest surrounded them, swallowed them whole as tree branches behind them seemed to close off their path, aiding them on their escape.
There they were, the whispers. The soft breeze on trembling leaves, the caw of a crow in the far distance, the scent of earthy secrets and innate longing. And, of course, the invisible string that connected him to the young man who was holding his hand, leading him deeper into the woods.
Chan’s answer reached him like a ship in the eye of a storm. Calm, cautious, inevitable:
Somewhere safe.