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Jhin was all too familiar with the stage. There, he was the center of all the attention. The audience seemed endless – thousands of empty, soulless eyes, all focused on him; waiting for the spectacle that was about to begin.
He could not disappoint.
One, two, three, four… The man counted up in his head as he prepared for the first words. An impeccable introduction was the most important to captivate the public, and thus, it was Jhin's most important moment in his life.
He could not fail.
“...”
His blood went cold at the moment no voice came out, no matter how much he forced his lungs. Jhin tried to clear his throat. The eyes were eating him alive but surely they could forgive a small slip. But then he tried again, and again, and again, yet his vocal chords refused to make a sound. He tried screaming, desperate. Nothing. He reached for his throat to figure out what was wrong with it, and his trembling hands met warm blood dripping from a severe yet painless wound. His skin felt numb to the touch and as his fingertips dug deeper into the cut to see how deep it would go, he was certain he should be dead at this point.
But he was not. And they were still staring.
The blood started filling his lungs, suffocating him. They all watched as more and more blood spilled from his open throat, mixing with the tears that trailed down his desperate eyes, still trying to find a way to fix this situation. But then he realized that this needed no fixing. He was the attraction; His pain was the show;
And his failure…
Jhin shot up screaming and gasping for air. His hands reached for his throat, only to find no wound there. His head was still dizzy, still discerning what was a dream and what was reality. The darkness of his bedroom felt way more welcoming than the blinding lights of a stage, but he still could feel the shadows watching him.
“Jhin, are you okay?”
Jhin looked to his side, finding a worried Hwei reaching an arm to him, but still not making contact – Hwei wouldn't want to scare him with an unwarned touch.
Jhin didn’t lean in. He wasn't sure how to explain all of this to his husband. Even if he was comfortable with him, he still found himself reluctant to share his feelings. He knew he should do it; It would be good for him. But he couldn't bring himself to do so.
Hwei retreated his arm, quickly understanding the situation.
“Did you have a nightmare?” Hwei’s voice was soft, the concern clear yet still trying to do his best to calm the other down.
Jhin nodded, feeling a bit stupid to admit it, but there was no use denying it. The tension was plastered on his face as he looked around the dark corners of the room in panic.
“It's just the two of us, Jhin.” Hwei reassured him. He was already used to Jhin never saying out loud what was tormenting him, and had gotten quite skilled at figuring out what was going on in his head. “There is no one else here. You can relax.”
Jhin didn’t feel safe enough to relax, but having Hwei at his side gave him all the motivation he needed to at least try. He forced himself to lie back down, moving closer and leaning against the green haired man. He was welcomed by a tight, grounding hug and an even more nurturing voice.
“Shh… It's safe here. I won't let anything bad happen to you.” The soft whispers, along with the pecks on the top of his head and the low, steady heartbeats against his ear was slowly easing his nerves.
He buried his face on Hwei's chest even more, cuddling up against him as he felt the waves of feelings coming at him.
“Can you not… look at me while I'm like this?” His voice faltered as tears started flowing in against his will.
He hated feeling like this; weak and pathetic. All he wished was a way to extinguish this side of him; The side that remained human.
But as his partner tightened his hold on him and started lightly patting his back, he realized that maybe it was okay to be weak sometimes. That's what Hwei always said to him.
“Fine. I'm not looking.” Hwei murmured softly, very familiar with the feeling of too many eyes judging him.
His words were the last straw to make Jhin crumble into a whiny mess. His lungs ached as he sobbed, too overwhelmed by his emotions to even care if he was making too much noise or if their blanket would end up wet with tears. During his breakdown, Hwei kept himself silent, only caressing the others back in a repetitive motion. He knew that was all he needed now.
Eventually, Jhin managed to restore some of his composure, but he still kept his face against Hwei's chest for safety. He knew his face was all red from crying, and he also didn't have the energy to face Hwei yet. And Hwei didn't force him to.
“It's okay now, Jhin.” Hwei muttered, running his fingers through the back of his head, where he knew he’d enjoy. “I'll be here with you. Do you think you can go back to sleep now?”
He left out a small humming noise along with a nod, not finding the strength to speak.
Hwei wouldn't be able to see the weak smile on Jhin's lips, but the light, relaxed breathing against his chest was all he needed to know that his love was asleep now.
“I love you.” He muttered, knowing well he probably wouldn't be able to hear it. But if it eased Jhin's dreams through the night, he wouldn't mind repeating it over and over again.