Archive of Our Own ^beta

It felt like he was constantly walking on a tightrope.

Or that was the closest thing that Sakura could use to describe everything that he always felt just under the surface. 

There was the constant swaying that he felt just underneath him, and he knew if he leaned too far one way or another, everything that he had built up for himself would come crashing down with him. 

Which is why he knew that he couldn’t look back, Sakura could never go back to the person that he had been before Bofurin, he would never be that young boy again. The young boy who had been so desperate for even a scrap of love and attention. He was not that boy anymore.

And he thought that he could never be that boy again.

Sakura didn’t need other people to rely on.

He didn’t want anyone around him.

He had thought that he was managing completely fine on his own, that if he could just keep fighting and winning that he would never need anyone else again. He never wanted to feel like he needed anyone again.

He had come to Bofurin with a clear goal.

Fight, win, and prove to everyone and himself that he was the best and that he did not need anyone's help.

He didn’t need anyone to care about him. No one had cared before, and he had managed fine on his own for all of this time. He thought that nothing could ever change that.

But when Sakura got to Bofurin, he was proven wrong about so many things that he had spent his life living by.

People here loved each other, they fought for one another, they cared for one another.

That care also came with no expectation that Sakura return it.

Which was the most confusing thing that Sakura had ever come across in his life. Because he couldn’t understand why they would care, why would they care for him when he didn’t have anything to offer them?

Sakura had learnt a long time ago that every relationship was transactional in a way.

Just like in his old town, Sakura did not have friends, but there were people who he had transactional interactions with. People who understood that if they left Sakura alone, Sakura would leave them alone.

Which is the best that Sakura had thought that he was ever going to get.

It was more than he would ever ask for.

But then, he comes to Makochi. 

And the people here are not like any of the ones that Sakura had ever come across before.

 The people here looked out for one another.

The people here made sure that everyone in town had clothes on their back, that they were all properly fed, that they made it home safe when they had been out.

No one in Sakura’s life had ever checked if he had gotten home safe before, even those people he had shared a space with (his parents, but he would never give them the privilege of calling them that as they had never parented him a day in their life). 

He gets a text after his first day at school from the blond boy that he had run into and was in the same class as him.

Nirei:

Hey I knew you were walking home and it was pretty late, just wanted to make sure you got home alright.

Sakura spends ages just staring at the message, he isn’t sure what the catch is here.

Because there was no way that someone he had just met a few hours ago would make the effort to send a message like that, without expecting something from him in return.

But Sakura thinks, maybe this is a mutually beneficial relationship that could be forming.

This boy knew almost everything about everyone in town, but was not the best fighter.

Sakura didn’t know anything about the people here, and was one of the best fighters.

Sakura gave the message a thumbs up reaction an hour after he received it.

He had understood now that this transactional relationship would benefit him in the long run. And if that meant that he had to fight a few extra fights, then that's fine by him.

But he soon comes to learn that the blond, Nirei, expects nothing of him.

That for some unexplainable reason the boy trusts him, likes him.

Sakura thinks it must be a fluke, that Nirei is an exception and not the expectation. The boy who he made his vice-captain was simply too kind, too trusting and naive to realise that Sakura was not the kind of guy that he needed to worry about. Sakura was not the kind of guy that Nirei needed to care about.

But Nirei keeps caring, and Sakura can not wrap his head around it.

He tries to just chalk it up to the fact that Nirei is just like that.

That Nirei is the kind of guy who would care for anyone who rocked up in his life like that. Nirei would take on anyone with a sob story if they were on his doorstep, which Sakura thought was stupid.

But deep down he knew that it scared him.

It was a scary thought, that someone could come along and take advantage of Nirei’s kindness. That someone could take away the boy that had stuck by Sakura’s side from day one, even when he had known nothing about Sakura.

Which is why Sakura knew he had to keep an eye out for his vice-Captain.

It’s beneficial.

He would tell himself, if something happened to Nirei it would be a pain to find a new vice-captain and that he didn’t have the energy to go looking for someone.

He didn’t want anyone else.

He buried that thought so far down and hoped that it would never come back up again.

But it just kept cropping up, especially when he spent time with both of his vice-captains at the same time.

If Nirei Akihiko was an open book, Suo Hayato was a book with multiple locks and chains wrapped around it and a massive sign above it that said, Do not touch .

Suo was a man of mystery. Sakura knew very little about the boy despite all of the time that he spent with him. He couldn’t tell anyone where Suo had come from, where he lived, or anything about his family.

But Suo Hayato was a damn good fighter.

Which Sakura thought was enough for him to look past the mystery surrounding him, he didn’t need to know anything about Suo. 

However he found himself wanting to know more.

He wanted to know why Suo was such a good fighter, he wanted to know what had driven Suo to Bofurin. He wanted to know why Suo trusted him, despite not knowing much about Sakura.

Sakura had a feeling deep down though, that it was the same thing that he was experiencing though.

That this trust that had grown between all three of them had come along, not because each of them had particularly done something.

But because in their hearts, they could all feel that this was what was right for them.

Sakura had never been the one to listen to his heart, but he couldn’t help it when he was with them.

Nirei and Suo just made it far too easy.

Nirei was almost constantly by his side, always less than an arm’s length away. Ready to talk about anything and everything with Sakura, or just be near Sakura without saying a word.

Nirei found out what Sakura liked, what he didn’t like and it was the most that effort Sakura had ever seen someone make for him. Nirei would make things for him, food, little charms and things. He would offer pretty much anything that he had to Sakura if he knew that

Sakura would enjoy it. Nirei offered him his attention, his trust, his care. He offers these things like it wasn’t a big deal.

Sakura wanted to grab his shoulders sometimes and tell him to stop, to stop giving him things because what if Nirei ran out of things for himself one day? That if Nirei kept going like this surely he would only hurt himself in the end.

But he couldn’t do it, because he knew that the second that he said something it would mean admitting that he cared. Admitting that he needed Nirei to be okay.

The same thing went for Suo.

Suo didn’t offer it in the same way that Nirei did.

Suo’s trust was a more subtle thing; it was quiet.

But that didn’t mean that it was any less important.

Suo’s trust came in the form of actions, similar to Sakura in a way, Suo was not the kind of guy to use words to express what he was feeling. But he would take action, he would watch Sakura’s back during a fight. He would find the time to train with others in the class to make sure that they could all fight for themselves, to ease the burden on Sakura during fights.

Suo came to him with concerns that Sakura knew that no one else would ever dare to bring up to him.

Suo trusted him to handle these concerns.

Sakura also knew that he could go to Suo with concerns. In spite of the boy liking to tease and mess around, Suo would be there to help if he just asked .

So Sakura finds himself slowly but surely adapting to the ways that they care for him. 

Nirei texts him when he walks home by himself to make sure that he got home safe, and Sakura finds himself always making sure to reply to these messages. He even occasionally sends his own, on the rare occasion Nirei walks home alone.

Suo comes to him with training ideas for the class. He asks Sakura what he would think is best for all of them. What Sakura wants to happen. He takes into account Sakura’s personal preferences and what would put his heart at ease the best.

Suo and Nirei spend time with him, they like Sakura just as he is and never rush him to make decisions or have conversations that he isn’t ready for. They wait for him to be ready to open up, and even accept the fact that there are some things that they may never know about him.

But as Sakura spends time with them, he finds himself learning things about them. 

Things that he will remember about them, not because he needs to, but because he wants to.

Nirei has an interest in fashion, he likes to collect magazines on the topic.

Nirei actually looked like he was going to burst into tears when Sakura had given him a fashion magazine that one of the town people had given to him with a pile of comics they had thought Sakura was going to like.

Sakura hadn’t thought it was a big deal, he didn’t care for fashion and Nirei did, so of course Sakura would give him the magazine on the topic.

Suo likes to collect earrings, despite the fact that he wears the same pair every day.

And while walking past a jewelry store he snaps a picture of a pair that he thinks that Suo would like and sends it to him.

Suo doesn’t reply to the message, but a few days later Sakura sees Suo walk into class with the pair of earrings that he had sent a picture of.

There are more little things that he learns about them, and the little things that they have probably learnt about him.

But despite all those little things, sometimes Sakura still struggled to understand why they cared.

What made Sakura so worthy of their love and concern?

He still couldn’t wrap his head around it.

Even though all these little things mattered, maybe it would take something big for Sakura to finally understand everything.

~~~~~~~~~~~

That big thing comes way sooner than Sakura ever expected it would.

In fact what happens is actually something that he never would have expected.

Fighting had always been part of Sakura’s life. He had to fight in order to prove to others that he was to be left alone. To prove that they could not walk all over him, that they could not hurt him in the ways that they wanted.

Fighting is why Sakura had come to Furin.

Sakura could fight, and he could fight and win.

But winning didn’t always mean coming out unscathed. Scrapes, bruises, blood and marks, were just another part of the fight. They were the evidence on his skin that Sakura could come out of a fight, and even with all the damage done to him, that he was still the one that came out on top despite everything that had been done to him.

He wears the scars and bruises as a badge of honour in a way.

But sometimes when he makes his way back to the apartment whose only occupant was Sakura and his thoughts, he finds himself staring at the marks decorating his skin. They don’t always feel like a badge of honour, rather they serve as a very painful reminder of what Sakura had become in order to protect himself.

The bruises and blood that painted his knuckles were a warning for others. A warning to stay as far away as possible from him, lest they wanted it to be their blood decorating his knuckles.

However, they were a reminder to him. A reminder of the fact that he was alone, that he could never let anyone get close to him. No one had ever wanted to be close to him before, no one had ever dared come close enough to touch him unless they were an idiot looking for a fight.

Sakura had never admitted it out loud, nor had he ever wanted to admit it to himself, but he was afraid of people getting close; close enough to touch him. 

Before he had come to Bofurin, he had never once in his life felt a touch that was gentle or loving. He had been convinced that if anyone dared to try, that Sakura would hurt them. Not because he wanted to hurt them, but because he himself didn’t know how to be gentle.

Which is why when Nirei grabbed his hand on his first day here in this town, Sakura tried to act annoyed and irritated. Tried to pull away and act like it was the world's biggest inconvenience, but truthfully he had not been annoyed.

He had been terrified.

Terrified that he would ruin this, terrified that he would ruin the gentle hand that was holding onto him. Terrified, that he would hurt the boy that had held onto him.

But it wasn’t just Nirei he had been scared of hurting.

It was Suo too.

Suo would casually place a hand on his back, or poke at Sakura’s side just so that he could laugh at Sakura’s reaction. Suo would mindlessly grab the back of Sakura’s jacket to pull him back when he was getting heated.

Suo’s touch was not like Nirei’s.

When Nirei reached for Sakura, it was something instinctual. That the idea of reaching out to him was second nature to the boy, grabbing onto Sakura was for some unexplainable reason brought a sense of security to Nirei.

When Suo reached for him, it was a calculated move. It was something done as a reminder to Sakura, a reminder that Sakura could lean back and rely on others. Suo reaching for him was an act that the boy performed in order to offer a sense of security to Sakura.

And even if Sakura had started to get used to these small touches from them, he still feared the day that one day they would stop reaching for him. That a day would come when Sakura did the wrong thing, that he would hurt one of them.

Then they would never reach out for him again.

That Sakura would be forced to live with the fact that people had wanted to reach for him, but he had been the one to ruin it.

If that happened, he would have to accept the fact that he was the one that’s always been wrong. That every comment, every little hurtful word uttered in his direction had been the truth. That Sakura truly was the monster that people had made him out to be.

Which is why Sakura had tried to push them away. Tried to make it so that when they inevitably left him alone, it would be easier to swallow down.

But the key word of that sentence was tried.

Though he would have to admit to himself, maybe he didn’t try hard enough.

Because they were always there, always reaching for him. Nirei would grab his arm when they were walking around town, and lean into his side. And it wasn’t for any particular reason, Nirei just liked being close to him.

Suo’s hand more often than not, had found its way onto his back. Not for any reason either, Suo just seemed to like having it there, he just liked being close to him as well.

Sakura would think about shoving their hands away, he’d think about telling them to leave. Telling them that he didn’t need them here, that Sakura would be just fine on his own.

He had managed without them his entire life.

But now it felt like he couldn’t .

Now even the thought of not having them by his side every day, not having them an arms reach away from him was painful. 

So maybe when Nirei would grab his arm, Sakura would move it just that little bit so that Nirei could rest more of his weight onto his side.

And maybe when Suo would place a hand on his back, and would pull away. Soon after, not right after though, but within the same day, Sakura would find a chance to put his hand on Suo’s back.

But even though Sakura had reached that point with them.

There was still the fear that he would go tumbling from the tightrope that he had spent his entire life feeling like he was walking across. 

Part of the reason that Sakura had started to fight was because it served as a way to make him feel balanced. If he was fighting and winning, then he knew that his spot on the tightrope was secured.

But after a fight?

After the fight, was when Sakura always felt the most at risk of tumbling off of the edge.

Because after a fight, it was just him who was left to muddle through the aftermath and try and pull himself back together. Sakura would have to go home alone, and try to come to terms with anything that had happened mentally or physically all on his own.

He had always done it on his own.

Which is what he had expected to do after this fight.

He and the other first years had stumbled across a group of thugs while they were on patrol, and they had been trying to rob a local market. Sakura didn’t even need to say anything before they all sprung into action.

Sakura had lost sight of the others, and had been focused on sorting out the ringleader.

The fight is going well, he’s dodging and hitting as fast as he can.

But then he moves just that little bit too slow, and the guy punches him in the face. He punches very hard.

Sakura’s head hurt, but he ignored that in favour of the red that he was seeing over the fact that this guy had managed to get a hit on him. Sakura handles the guy very quickly after that, leaving him knocked out flat on the sidewalk.

But after that, his head hurts so much and he’s feeling dizzy. He leans up against the wall and tries to take deep breaths, tries to just let the feeling pass.

“Sakura?” A voice calls out, but Sakura’s too busy trying to keep himself upright to figure out who it is.

“Sakura, hey it’s okay,” The voice calls out again, and he can feel a hand on his back.

If he had been thinking right, if he had been thinking like himself. 

He would have shoved the hand away, but he’s not thinking straight, in fact he’s hardly seeing straight. Which is why he can feel the fall he’s about to have coming, way before it even happens.

But when the fall does come, instead of hitting the pavement like he expected. His head is leaning against something soft, and he can feel a pair of hands on his shoulder gently leading him to sit up against whatever the soft thing is.

Sakura closes his eyes for a few seconds, tries to get his bearings about him by taking deep breaths in. Eventually he feels the dizziness ease up just that little bit, so he dares to start to open his eyes up just that little bit.

He sees nothing but blurs for a few seconds, but eventually his vision focuses and he sees a familiar face.

“Nirei?” He asks, confused.

“Hey, Sakura,” Nirei says very gently. 

“What happened?” Sakura questions, trying to sit up.

But gentle hands on his shoulder stop him from moving.

“You took a pretty hard hit, you just have to stay down for a few more minutes, okay?” Nirei explains, and Sakura feels the hands on his shoulder loosen and even feels one pulling away from him.

Sakura was tempted to try sitting up again, but then something dabbing against the edge of his nose lightly stopped him. His eyes darted up to Nirei, who looked down at him sheepishly.

“Sorry, you just had a little blood there.” 

It’s at this moment that Sakura realises exactly where he is. His head is resting in Nirei’s lap, and the boy had just used the edge of his own jacket to clean up Sakura’s blood.

Sakura’s head is spinning, and not just from the hit that he has taken.

It’s spinning from the fact that Nirei is holding him so gently. His head is in Nirei’s lap, Nirei had just dirtied his own jacket to clean Sakura up just that little bit.

Sakura wants to ask why?

Why would Nirei even risk getting his hands dirty like that?

“Don’t..you’ll get blood on your hands,” Sakura tries to tell him.

But Nirei shakes his head. “It’s okay, it’s you.”

And Sakura wants to ask what that means, but before he can even get a chance to form the words. Another familiar face pops into his vision.

“How’s he looking?” Suo asks, looking down at Sakura with a concerned expression.

“I’m fine,” Sakura snaps out.

“Well at least you're talking now,” Suo snorts out, but Sakura can tell that it’s a nervous action more than anything.

And Sakura doesn’t want Suo to be nervous, so when he realises that the other boy is crouched down next to him. That he’s just an arm’s reach away, he lifts his hand up and places it on Suo’s arm.

“I’m fine, Nirei took care of me.”

Suo looks down at his hand, and Sakura can see his facial expression twist into one of surprise. But it quickly changes to a relaxed one, a lazy smile decorating Suo’s face.

“Yeah, he did.” Suo’s eye darted up in Nirei’s direction, and Sakura actually isn’t able to see the expression that Nirei makes.

But when Nirei looks down, he can see that the boy is smiling just a little bit.

And it’s in that moment that Sakura realises something.

One, this is the first time that he has ever been held like this. Nirei was holding him like he was something precious, something to be treated with care.

Two, Suo had now taken hold of his hand and was gently running his thumb back and forth against his knuckles in a soothing action. It’s the kindest touch that he’s ever felt, and it almost makes him want to cry.

And finally three, he understands in that very moment, what Nirei had meant when he said:

“It’s okay, it’s you.”

Because if Nirei or Suo were in the position he was in, he would be doing the exact same thing that they were right now.

And when they go home after Sakura’s feeling better, and after both of them dragged him to the doctor to get checked over. He makes a small vow to himself.

He vows that if anything happens to Nirei and Suo, he would take care of them. Just like they had done for him.

Though he really does hope that nothing happens to them.

But he knows deep down that he shouldn’t get his hopes up.

~~~~~~~~~~~

After that fight, Sakura had started to come to terms with the fact that he did not need to carry all of his burdens alone. That if he were to stumble and fall from the tightrope that he constantly felt like he was walking across, he would have somewhere soft to land. That also if he fell, there would be a hand ready to reach out for him, to hold onto his own when things seemed to be getting rough.

But after that fight, Sakura learns something else.

He learns that he’s not always going to be the one that falls, sometimes it will be someone close to him that hits the ground. Which means that he has to be the one to offer a hand to the one who hits the ground.

But the thing is, Sakura isn’t entirely sure how to offer that hand.

Up until very recently, no one had ever offered a hand to him. In concept it was a very simple thing, if someone he was close to hit the ground, he should offer them his hand to help them up.

But there’s this lingering fear in the back of his head, that if he offers his hand out, he’ll do it wrong. Then he’ll have ended up causing more harm to someone. Because all his hands have ever really been good for was throwing punches at any who’d even indicate that they were going to come near him.

When he came to Furin, he thought that it would be a good thing. Being able to throw a punch like that without asking any questions, showing that he could not be touched by anyone.

But when he gets to Bofurin, and gets to know the people in Bofurin.

He quickly realises that he’s going to have to keep his reactions like that under control.

Because the people here, when they try to get close to him, it’s not to hurt him. They come close to Sakura because they like him. They like who he is, they like spending time with him, they like to be close to him.

Which is an entirely new thing for Sakura.

So there had been a couple of times that he couldn’t hold back the instinct to hit at anyone who came near him. Thankfully the few times that it had happened had been written off as him just being a bit rough and reactive by others.

But every time that it had happened, Sakura would feel his stomach twisting itself into knots. He wanted to be sick every time that it had happened. 

There was one time, he truly thought that he was going to be sick .

It was just a random day in class, but for some reason he was tired. Not just sort of sleepy tired, he felt truly exhausted and he had no idea why. So during one of the breaks he had laid his head down on his desk, hoping to catch a little bit of sleep.

What felt like hours later, he had felt a hand on his back and someone calling his name.

It hadn’t been a rough hand, nor was his name being called out angrily.

But despite that, Sakura still reacted as he always had.

With anger .

He jumped out of his chair, grabbing the hand that had been on his back, then roughly shoved at whoever had touched him.

There was a loud thud.

Which is when Sakura actually looked around, seeing where he was.

Seeing what he had done .

It was Nirei who was on the ground in front of Sakura.

Nirei, his first friend and the one who was always reaching out to Sakura. The one whose hand was always ready to be offered to Sakura, to anybody really. Because that’s the kind of person Nirei was.

Trusting, loving, forgiving .

Because the first words out of Nirei’s mouth, right after Sakura had shoved him away so cruelly were:

“Sakura, are you okay?” 

Nirei asked him if he was okay. 

Sakura doesn’t know how he does it, but somehow he gets enough wits about him to make up an excuse about him feeling sick or something then rush out of the room. But it’s not really an excuse, because he truly does feel sick .

He rushes into the nearest bathroom, feeling the bile rising in his throat as he replays the scene of Nirei on the ground in front of him over and over again. He gags, but he tries to swallow down the urge to spit out whatever he had for lunch that day.

He grips the sink tightly, taking deep breaths and trying to steady himself. And he didn’t realise it until now but he was shaking. He kept trying to breathe, telling himself that it would pass that this would go away.

But he knew it wouldn’t. It would never go away, he was always going to be like this.

And because he was like this, he deserved nothing more than to be alone .

At some point, he manages to even out his breathing and the shaking stops. He avoids looking in the mirror, scared of what he will see and scared of what he knows others will see. He manages to make his way back to class, and he’s aware that by now that Nirei had probably told everyone what he’d done.

That when he walked back into the classroom, all of his classmates would look at him the exact same way people had before. They’d look at him with disgust, anger and fear. Any sense of trust between him and them will be gone, and it’s nothing less than he deserves.

He finds himself pausing in front of the classroom door. Preparing himself to accept the fate that awaits him while also simultaneously reprimanding himself for even daring to hope that things could be different here.

He opens the door, and to his surprise almost nothing has changed.

His classmates still greet him in the same overenthusiastic manner that they always have, a few teasing remarks are made about his apparent ‘bed-head’ and if he’d have a good nap. 

Sakura takes a seat at his desk, watching how everyone interacts as he’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop. For someone to turn to him and tell him that he doesn’t belong here, but it never comes.

But what does come is a small box being placed on his desk.

“It’s some medicine for you,” Nirei says, from where he was standing in front of Sakura’s desk.

Sakura just looks between the medicine and Nirei, utterly stunned. He had shoved Nirei away, he had hurt Nirei. Yet Nirei was still here, still reaching out to him, still caring about him.

Sakura wants to cry.

“Aww, is our captain not feeling well?” Suo teased, coming over to Sakura’s desk. It gets Sakura’s attention enough that he’s able to hold back the tears from spilling over.

Sakura realises a little while later that Suo probably noticed that he was upset, the guy was too observant to have not. Which meant he had found a way to distract Sakura and to help him without drawing any attention towards him.

Nirei and Suo knew him too well, but Sakura couldn’t complain.

How on earth could he ever complain over the fact that he was cared for?

But perhaps he needed to be better at showing that he cared for them as well.

________

The chance to show that he cares, comes in an unexpected manner.

Sakura thinks that he can show he cares by fighting. Fighting is what he’s good at, and fighting is what he has always known. So he thinks maybe if he fought just that bit harder for them, they’d understand that he cared.

But sometimes caring isn't about what you can do for someone, sometimes caring is just giving them a reminder that you’re there for them.

Which is what happens after a fight on patrol.

He, Nirei and Suo trudge their way back to what was a now empty classroom to collect their things that they had left in there. The fight hadn’t been that bad, honestly it was just a scuffle between them and some thugs.

Sakura had thought that they had come out of the whole thing mostly unscathed, besides maybe a few scrapes and bruises.

But when they get back to the classroom, Suo takes his jacket off and along his arm is a bloody cut.

Sakura isn’t entirely sure how to react, he finds himself just staring at the wound. But Nirei, who was standing beside him gasped, and made his way over to Suo forcing the other boy to sit down in one of the chairs.

Nirei inspects the wound, and went to the back of the classroom to retrieve the first aid kit that they kept in there. Sakura pulls up a chair near the desk that Suo was sitting at, simply observing what was going on between the two.

Nirei held Suo’s arm gently, as he went about cleaning the wound up.

“You’re lucky, it definitely won’t need stitches,” Nirei says. But Sakura picks up on the fact that his tone was rather cold.”

Suo nods. “I’m very lucky, especially now that I have such a handsome doctor taking care of me.”

Suo’s teasing remark is clearly something meant to ease whatever tension has built up here. But unfortunately it does the exact opposite. Nirei rolls his eyes, and goes back to taking care of the wound, but he’s not looking at Suo.

Not how he usually looks at Suo anyway. Nirei usually looked at Suo, with a certain level of fondness, adoration even. But now he wasn’t looking at the boy at all, but Sakura could see something akin to anger shining in his eyes.

Part of Sakura gets it, he’s annoyed as well. Angry that Suo had hid this from them.

“You should have told us about this earlier,” Nirei spits out, as he wraps the wound up. “We could have helped you sooner.”

“I suppose,” Suo says. “But really it’s no big deal. I could have handled it on my own.”

Sakura sees the way that Nirei’s eyebrows furrow, the way that he bites his lip, as if trying to hold back on saying something. But eventually Nirei opens his mouth:

“You don’t have to do things alone, Suo.” Then he glances over at Sakura. “You don’t have to either, Sakura.”

Nirei looks back down at Suo’s wound and keeps bandaging it. “We’re meant to be a team, which means that we have to be able to rely on one another.” 

Nirei finishes tying the bandage on Suo’s arm. “We have to be honest with each other.”

“You hear that, Suo? You have to be honest,” Sakura says, pointing towards the boy. “Especially about things like this.”

“I guess I should be honest about stuff like this.” Suo gestures down at his arm, but then smirks in Sakura’s direction. “But only if you are as well, Sakura.”

Sakura doesn’t need a mirror to know his face has gone red. “Whatever, I’m honest!” He spits out.

Suo laughs and Nirei tries to get him to calm down. He does settle down, and after a few moments of silence he speaks up.

“Nirei is right, if we’re going to work together as we are we should be honest about-” He gestures down at Suo’s arm. “Things like this.” 

Suo smiles at him. “You’re right, you’re both right.”

“Of course we are,” Nirei adds, he was smiling as well. “I care about you two a lot, I want to be able to help you when I can.”

“I feel the same way,” Suo says, looking between Nirei and Sakura. 

“So we’re in agreement then, will be honest with each other and stuff,” Sakura huffs out, now feeling oddly out of place in this conversation.

Nirei chuckles, but then looks over at Sakura.

And Sakura would have been blind to miss the look of adoration in Nirei’s eyes. 

“Whatever, I care about you guys too, I guess,” Sakura mutters out.

“Aww Sakura cares about us!” Suo exclaims. “I feel so honoured!"

Just because Sakura cared about them, that didn’t mean he still couldn’t get mad at them.

“Shut up Suo!”

They bicker for a bit more, as Nirei packs up the first aid kit and collects his things so that they can head home.

They do stop bickering on the way home, in fact they walk in silence, simply existing in each other's space. But when they reach Suo’s street, Sakura gets his attention before he heads home.

“Take care of your arm, okay?”

Suo looks mildly surprised by his words, but quickly recovers. 

“I will.” He smiles at them. “Get home safe you two.”

Nirei waves at Suo, and once he’s out of sight, Sakura and him continue to walk home.

Sakura glances down at Nirei, looking at his hands in particular. Nirei had managed to take care of Suo, he had managed to fix something rather than causing more damage to it like Sakura would.

Nirei glances over at him, smiling. “You know, you’re a really good person Sakura.”

Sakura doesn’t feel like he’s done anything worthy of the title of ‘good person’. What he wants to say to Nirei is:

No, no I’m not. But you are, you’re so good.

But the words don’t ever make it out of his mouth.

But as they walk along the street, Sakura can’t help but replay the scene of them in the classroom over and over again. Nirei fixed Suo up, doing whatever he could to fix things even though no one had asked him to.

Part of Sakura, understands Nirei. He understands that need to do something when you see someone who is hurting. The need to be the hand that reaches out, because you’ve never had a hand reach out to you like that before.

But part of Sakura also understands Suo. The instinct to handle things alone, because that’s all you’ve ever known. The fear that if you let yourself be vulnerable here, you will only get hurt twice as much.

That night, as he lays down to sleep, all he can think about is how he wished he could have said more today. That he could have done more to help.

So he swears to himself that he’ll do better.

He has to be better. Not only for himself, but for them as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The fight at KEEL, had been a major turning point for many things in Sakura’s life.

It had made him realise that not every fight could be won when he was on his own. It was the start of him understanding what it truly meant to be the class captain; that not only was he responsible for his own safety but his classmates as well.

KEEL had also been a reminder of his shortcomings.

How his own cockiness had led to someone getting hurt.

It had led to Nirei getting hurt.

Sakura had never really forgiven himself for what had happened in that warehouse, and he knew that Suo hadn't either. 

Because to them, it was a reminder that they hadn’t been good enough to keep the person that they cared about safe. Sakura had expected Nirei to despise him, to be furious with him, that Nirei would never want to speak with him again.

But Nirei hadn’t blamed him, not for any of it.

Which was a hard pill to swallow. Because it would have been easier for Sakura if Nirei was mad, it would make things so much easier. Sakura could understand anger and resentment, but he could not understand forgiveness.

Suo couldn’t entirely understand it either.

“He forgives far too easily,” Suo had told him one day, when it was just the two of them in a classroom together.

They were going over some fight strategies. Nirei had started off in the room with them, but one of their classmates had called for him, asking for help with something.

“He does.” Sakura responds, knowing exactly what Suo is talking about.

“I wish he would get mad at us sometimes.” Suo says, looking towards the door that Nirei had just walked out of. “Just for his own sake.”

“I know.” Sakura glances at the door as well. “I don’t understand how he does it.”

“Neither do I.” Suo was looking at him now. “Do you think he’s always been like this?”

Sakura shrugs. “I don’t know.”

But did it really matter if Nirei had always been like this? 

Because Nirei was like this now .

And that’s all Sakura had ever known.

Nirei’s kindness, his acceptance, was something that Sakura struggled to accept and understand. It was something that Sakura could tell Suo struggled to understand as well.

Sakura could see the internal battle behind Suo’s eye, every time that Nirei remembered a small detail about him, or gave him something simply because it reminded the other boy of him.

Sakura understood it, because he knew he had the exact same look in his eyes as well, when Nirei would do those things for him as well.

It was a scary thing, being cared for like that. Because Nirei expected nothing for it. It would have been so much easier if Nirei had an expectation for them, something that he wanted from them as repayment for his care.

But he didn’t.

Nirei cared for them, simply because he did.

Maybe that’s why he and Suo are so protective of Nirei. Nirei is the first person in both of their lives who’s ever really offered a hand out to them.

So knowing that someone could take that hand away from them, was a terrifying idea.

If Nirei pulled his hand away of his own volition, it would kill Sakura inside. But he would know that it only happened because he had done something that was so unforgivable, that even Nirei with his seemingly endlessly patience and forgiveness couldn’t look past it.

But if someone else ripped that hand away from Sakura, it would kill him in a different way.

It would kill him, because it meant he had failed once again. He had failed to keep something that he loved safe. And that was a failure that could never be forgiven in his eyes. 

Because unlike Nirei, Sakura couldn’t fix things after they had happened. Sakura could never find the right words to make someone feel better, he was not made to heal what was broken.

But Nirei was.

Which is why they all needed him. It was why Suo needed him. It was why Sakura needed him.

Because without Nirei, Sakura wouldn’t be able to do anything.

“But we need him like this.” Sakura says to Suo. 

Suo smiles. “Yeah, we do. He’s just so good.”

Sakura takes a few seconds to contemplate if he’s going to say the words on the tip of his tongue. And maybe he had been feeling just a bit sentimental, or maybe he had something weird to eat that day, he’d blame it on anything he could think of.

But he could not deny what he had said to Suo.

“You’re a good person to Suo, I like you as you are.”

Sakura expects a teasing remark to come from the boy, that they would be able to laugh this off. That Sakura would stutter out an excuse and they could both pretend that this hadn’t happened.

But when Sakura glances up at Suo, the boy’s face is twisted with surprise.

“Really?” Suo quietly asks him, and Sakura would have been a fool to miss the desperation and hope that was in Suo’s voice.

Sakura gets the feeling that whatever he says next, is really going to have an effect on Suo.

So he tries to settle on saying something simple, but something that’s the truth as well.

“Yeah, really,”

Suo doesn’t say anything, but Sakura sees the way that he looks at him.

It’s something so delicate, caring for someone.

Because knowing that you care for them, and knowing that they care for you, creates a tightrope of sorts.

But if one person moves just a bit too fast, or a bit too slow, the rope can shift.

Then everyone ends up hitting the ground, even if the person that moved had no intention of hurting them.

_______

Nirei gets hurt.

It’s bad.

It’s really bad.

Sakura actually can’t remember all the details of the fight that they had been in, just that it had been rough, and long. He remembers struggling, trying to catch his breath when someone shouts his name.

Someone shoves him out of the way.

Then there’s a sickening crack.

He looks back, Nirei’s on the ground.

Sakura can’t see his face, but what he can see is blood pooling underneath Nirei’s head.

The fight ended swiftly after that, Suo seemingly on a warpath after what had happened to Nirei and Sakura was right by his side for it.

Someone calls an ambulance, Nirei gets rushed to the hospital. And they’re forced to wait, not knowing how bad the injury is or how long Nirei’s going to be in there for.

But eventually someone comes out to see them.

“He’ll make a full recovery, we’ll keep him overnight for observation but will discharge him in the morning.” A doctor explains.

He also tells them all to go home and get some rest.

Without a word, Suo follows Sakura to his place. The two of them sit in silence for the entire night, not daring to say anything and not daring to even try to sleep either.

They just sit there, stewing in their own guilt and anger.

When the morning comes, they both take a wordless trip to the hospital.

But it’s when they reach the glass doors of the entryway, that Suo stops and looks at him.

“This is worse than KEEL.” Suo quietly says, his voice filled with the guilt and anger that they had been holding onto all night.

“It is.” Sakura quietly agrees.

Because even though Nirei had gotten hurt at KEEL, and even though they had both felt like they had failed. There had been some grace that they could give themselves, because they had been new to things.

But now? Now they were more experienced, they were meant to be better.

But they hadn’t been.

They had failed once again.

Nirei comes out to meet them, and he’s smiling.

He’s smiling at them.

Nirei has a bandage wrapped around his head, some scrapes and bruises, and has just spent a night in hospital, because of what Sakura had failed to do. Yet Nirei still smiles at him.

Sakura carries Nirei’s bag as they follow the boy back to his house, Suo stands close to Nirei, linking arms with the boy.

An apology is on the tip of Sakura’s tongue.

“I’m sorry.”

But he can’t make the words come out, because he knows any apology he could offer would never be good enough.

Nothing he can say will ever be able to convey how truly sorry he is.

When they get to Nirei’s home, there’s an uneasy air between them all.

Nirei can tell that they’re avoiding saying something to him.

Nirei had always been the one who was better at these kinds of conversations, he was always the one to lift him and Suo up when they were down. But right now, it didn’t seem very fair to Sakura to make Nirei bear the weight of their guilt.

Suo makes them tea, and they all sit in the living room together.

The TV was on, but the volume was really low and if they hadn’t all been silent Sakura would have never been able to hear what the characters on screen were saying. But from the corner of his eye, he sees Nirei putting his cup of tea down.

“I’m sorry,” Nirei says very quietly. “I’m sorry that I let you down again.”

Sakura’s mind is reeling. Because Nirei just apologised to them, Nirei is taking the blame for their shortcomings.

“Don’t.” Suo’s voice is sharp, and Sakura watches as Suo places a hand on Nirei’s arm. “Don’t you dare apologise for this.”

“But I-”

“Nirei,” Sakura calls out the boy’s name, and when he sees that Nirei is looking at him, he speaks again. “It’s my fault.”

“Sakura no-”

“Why wo-” 

But Suo and Nirei’s protests fall deaf on his ears.

“It is my fault,” Sakura says, even more firmly now.

“No, Sakura,” Suo states, his voice filled with conviction. “It’s my fault, not yours.”

“It’s my fault!” Nirei protests loudly. “It’s my fault, you two didn’t do anything wrong!”

“I did!” Sakura snaps out, looking at the bandage around Nirei’s head. “I fucked up! And you got hurt, again !”

There was a pause, all of them just looking between each other. Waiting to see who would break first, and just as expected it was Nirei who somehow managed to pull them back up again.

The shorter boy grabbed onto Sakura’s arm with one hand, and Suo’s with the other. He gently pulled them closer to him so that he was able to wrap his arms around their shoulders.

“I do not blame you two,” Nirei whispers out. “I would never blame you two for this, and I have never blamed you for what happened at KEEL either.”

“How can you not?” Sakura asks, desperate to know what Nirei saw in him that made him care so much.

“Because I love you, I love both of you,” Nirei says it like it’s the simplest thing in the world. “You weren’t the ones that hurt me, and it wasn’t your responsibility to make sure I didn’t get hurt.”

“We don’t want you to get hurt, ever ,” Suo says, and Sakura can see that the boy is gripping onto Nirei like a lifeline.

Sakura can’t blame him, he’s doing the exact same thing too.

“I know, I don’t want you two to get hurt either,” Nirei admits. “But sometimes we are going to get hurt.”

“I’ll get stronger,” Sakura promises. “I’ll get stronger so you guys won’t get hurt.”

“No Sakura, you don’t have to,” Nirei tells him, and Sakura can feel the boy tracing patterns on his back with his finger.

“That’s right, I-”

“You neither, Suo.”

They both just sit there, in Nirei’s arms, holding onto him.

“You two don’t have to do anything .”

“But, don’t you want us to do something?” Sakura asks in disbelief, wondering how on earth Nirei could not want anything from them.

“I want you to be here ,” Nirei says holding onto them tighter. “I want you guys to just be here, just as you are.”

It hits Sakura, that’s all he wants for them as well.

Because the love between them isn't a transactional thing or a tightrope to be traversed. It’s an understanding.

It’s an understanding that they are who they are, and even if they grow and change the other two will still be there. Waiting, watching, ready to help if they need it.

So as Sakura sits there, he lifts up one arm to wrap around Nirei and the other to wrap around Suo.

He manages to get out the words that have always seemed so foreign to him.

“I love you, I love both of you.”

Not much else is said after that, but not much else needs to be said.

They love each other.

They will be able to manage anything that comes their way because of that.

______

Fanart by aucrowne:

Fanart by scampi-draws: