Chapter Text
Sliding open the door to our bedroom, I sighed when I saw Maomao lying in bed with a book propped up on her belly. Her eyes didn’t even flick up to me. Those irises were locked on whatever was in her likely inappropriate book (no matter which gender was reading it) and showed no sign of ever finding me.
For a beat, I wondered if she was mad at me. If I’d done something wrong or forgotten about something important. But I knew I’d never forget anything. The checkup with the midwife was in the morning, not anytime within the past twelve hours. No anniversaries were appearing upon today’s date. Except for little Lingli’s birthday, which I graciously made a visit to see her on her special day.
Relief flooded me as I tore off my first robe, deciding that my wife was simply being my wife—completely engrossed in probably the most vile thing known to mankind.
She never once looked up as I shed a new garment with each step towards the bed. Not even when I pulled my hair down.
Maomao loved my hair down.
It wasn’t until I sat on the edge of the bed and laid my hand on her leg that she looked up, a little startled. Her chest deflated and her limbs fell from their frozen state of fear.
“Hi, Jinshi.”
I leaned forward to kiss her, “Hi, Maomao.” She dropped the book for just a second before she pulled back. I glance at it, reaching up to push a long, green piece of hair out of her face. “Is this what you’re doing? Exerting energy into this book? Is that why I didn’t have anyone alert me of you doing things you shouldn’t?”
“I’m a princess,” she pulled a face. “I can do what I want.”
“You’re carrying our child.”
“Yes, well, if I stopped doing what I normally do, people would realize what’s happening.” Maomao shifted uncomfortably. I angled myself to her and pulled at her hips so she’d lay down on her back completely. “At some point, I’m going to have to stop going outside.”
“I understand, but you can’t be around those kinds of fumes. I don’t—“ I wasn’t sure why my voice was getting strained. Well, that was a lie. I knew exactly the reason. I gave her hip a squeeze. “I don’t want you to go through the pain of losing this, Maomao.”
She stared blankly at me. But I saw the way her mouth fell. She nodded, placing her hand on mine, “I’ve been cautious—“
“Not entirely. I nearly had to lock you out of the offices last week.”
“I was wearing a mask!”
“Maomao,” I gripped her again. “Please. No more. I’m serious.”
My wife glared at me, but even she knew the consequences. Reluctantly, she nodded. I leaned down to kiss her cheek, deciding to indulge her so she wouldn’t pout herself to sleep tonight, “So what have you been reading?”
She basically jerked up to her knees, leaning into me to show me her books. I wrapped an arm around her to keep her steady, resting my head against her side. “Birthing positions. I want to try these three.”
“Three?” I echoed. “Love, you can only do one.”
“And the other two are for the other two babies.”
“Did you suddenly spawn two more that I don’t know about?”
“Ugh, the future, Jinshi,” she groaned. “I told you I wanted to know what it’s like to be pregnant, let me be pregnant.” I had to hush that wretched primal part of me that wanted to get her pregnant… by telling it that she already was. She pointed to the book, “Look, this one seems to be the most probable. And,” she flipped to a different part of the book, “sometimes, your boobs won’t go back to their original size even after done with feeding. You might be in luck.”
I pulled a face and looked up at her, “Excuse me?”
Her eyes slid to mine, “What? Did I say something wrong?”
“Yes.”
“What? It’s what the book says. I don’t suppose a eunuch knows more about a woman’s birthing process than—“
“Maomao, you are perfect exactly the way you are,” I interrupted her, my chest feeling heavy with the weight of the insecurity she’s been harassed for for years now. Maomao’s body had gained weight in multiple places since I’ve provided her with a meal that didn’t malnourished her. So her chest size had grown to what I assumed to be the would-be normal. And now that she’s pregnant, they’ve obviously grown but… I just hated that she thought I’d prefer her a certain way. When she opened her mouth to play or laugh it off, I shook my head, “Do you think you aren’t enough for me just because of that?”
Her eyes flicked away for a beat.
“We’re married,” I insisted. “In what world would I vow my life to you if I did not love you entirely?”
Maomao’s gaze touched mine. “So… if they go back to the size they were when we first met—“
“I’d still love you as I do now. As I did then.”
She smiled just barely. “Okay.”
I kissed the side of her breast. “Have you not bathed tonight?”
“Do I stink?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary—“ I laughed when she hit me. “No, love. You do not. Did Xiaolan not help you?”
“I told her to go have a night on her own.”
“But part of the reason she’s your lady-in-waiting is because of nights like these when I get home late.” I usually bathed with Maomao on normal nights, so Xiaolan only helped on the nights I was over worked.
“Yeah, but I wanted to show you something.”
“What?”
“You have to get me in the bath first.” Then she tacked on, “And you have to carry me there. Gyokuyo wanted to go for a walk today and I had to keep up because not even she knows. My feet hurt.”
I laughed and moved to my feet, sweeping Maomao up in my arms easily. Her robes swayed with the motion and she grinned, “You know what you should get me for my birthday tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow isn’t your—“
“Ox bezoar.”
“You’re a freak,” I smiled, toeing open the bedroom door to head down the hall.
Maomao went into complaining about her excruciatingly long and hot walk today. I didn’t understand. “Why not just deny her?”
“She would know.”
“She wouldn’t tell. You kept her kids secrets.”
“Still. If someone found out she asked and I declined, how would that look? And how would it look if someone heard me ask to sit down or head back early? Do you even know how hard it is to walk without wobbling? Not even to mention how tight my clothes are to hide my boobs. If only I had slightly bigger ones, this wouldn’t be so noticeable.”
When I moved into the bath rooms, the maids were just finishing up with the hot water. I dipped my head to them as they bowed. Maomao offered an awkward wave before they left us alone.
I set her down to tear both our clothes off before pulling her into our large bath. I might have cleaned us up a little bit first, but she really did look exhausted. Her ankles were swollen from all the walking and I made a mental note to ask Gyokuyo to not take her on walks for the foreseeable future.
Maomao settled between my legs, laying her back against my chest.
“So what is it?” I asked after she relaxed against me, my hands massaging her thighs.
“Kicking.”
My eyes widened, “What?”
“It’s kicking. Only wants to do it while warm, though. Just wait a minute.”
“It’s up here, right?” I asked, sliding my hand into the top of her swollen belly. “Tell me it’s—“
“It’s up there,” she settled a hand on top of mine, turning her head to kiss my jaw. “Don’t panic. If it was down low, I would have sent for you immediately.”
I let out a sigh, holding her tightly to me, kissing her bare shoulder. Not only was I relieved to hear that this wouldn’t be a breach birth, but that she’d tell me immediately. She was always so private about herself if she was ever injured or anything of the sort—acting like nothing was wrong—so to know that she’d tell me so quickly…
Something jutted against my palm.
Maomao squealed like a maniac. “Did you feel it?”
My heart burst in elation and I shifted my hand to find our baby’s feet, laughing when the hard kick came at me.
“Doesn’t seem to like you that much,” she teased.
“She has to.”
“You’re so certain it’s a girl?”
“No man could kick this hard in the womb.”
“Well, it would be the son of a eunuch, so—“
“Shut it,” I laughed.
“I’m just saying!”
“And I’m serious, the concubines have often let me feel the kicks of the children. Only the girls kick this hard… reminds me of Lingli.”
Maomao groaned, “Geez, can that girl kick! She once fell asleep on me—so I couldn’t move—and kicked me right in the boob.”
I chuckled. “You’re telling me. She used to kick at my shins for no other reason than the fact she realized she could.”
Maomao swallowed, “And… if it is a girl…”
I knew what she was asking. She’s always hinted at this question and I thought I’d made myself abundantly clear. “She won’t be sold off. You can teach her about all of the poisons you want—but you cannot let her try them herself, Maomao. She’ll stay here and do as she pleases, marry who she wants.”
“Unless he’s not of high ranking,” she deadpanned.
“I’m sure we can make some adjustments. We did with you.”
“Oh as if we all don’t know who my father is.”
“But your mother.”
She sighed. The baby kicked once again. She dropped her head against my neck, “What am I going to do when I have to stay inside?”
I’ve been collecting her a bunch of books she has no idea about. I almost told her, but decided to keep it a surprise.
“We’ll figure something out.”
“I’ll drive mad if you don’t.”
I chuckled and kissed her head, “Come on, let me clean you up.”
She grumbled but shifted to let me wash her whole body. Maomao was so beautiful, her skin so smooth. I think I got distracted with her legs because she tapped my cheek, “I thought you were cleaning me.”
“Right.”
I resumed lathering her up with suds everywhere I could. When I finished and rinsed her clean, she pounced on me to clean me. Even if her whole body was weak and shaky from the over exertion she went through today. I helped her wash me some more before I sat her down to massage her legs.
“Maybe Gyokuyo knows.”
I smiled, “I’m sure she already does.”
I helped Maomao out of the bath once we finished and wrapped her back up before picking her up to take back to bed.
Two months later
Practically everyone knew.
Even though Gyokuyo and my brother were very close to me, I still could not tell them over the tea we were having. They’ve both been nice enough to visit her in her boredom. Gaoshun has too. He seems to like visiting her.
But we could never say it out loud, even when Maomao should go into labor any day now.
“How is Maomao?” asked Gyokuyo.
It was cooling down after the hot summer. Unfortunately, too late for Maomao to enjoy the nice weather that didn’t burn her to a flame while pregnant. She said next time, we’d plan it so she wouldn’t be sweating all of the time.
Next time.
Sometimes I couldn’t tell if she truly wanted our child at all, but the experience of birth.
I’ve never asked. I wouldn’t want to know if the answer was the depressing one. But I had hope. I had hope that she would love our child like she did me. Like she loved Xiaolan, Lingli, and all of the others she’s opened up to over the years.
“Angry,” I said.
Gyokuyo laughed, “Sounds like her.”
“Mmh.”
“I’m so happy she can finally take it out on you. She used to hold it back really well.”
I pulled a face, “Really well? What world are you living in?!”
“You know,” she ignored me, “for future reference, of course, but you should likely not say a word to her if you plan on being in the room whenever she gives birth to your children.”
My brother snickered. “Do you plan on being in there with her?”
“Of course!”
He wasn’t required to be with any of the concubines because they weren’t married… nor did the midwives really like the fathers in the room. But Maomao was my wife. And she worried herself for a week before asking me if I’d be with her. Partly because she was nervous and partly because she wanted me to sit in the torture of watching her in pain.
As if I didn’t know the consequences well enough.
“Just don’t say anything stupid, alright?” said Gyokuyo. “She’ll be doing enough, she won’t need you saying manly things into her ears.”
“Manly things?”
“Telling her that she’s not really in pain.”
My brother glanced at her, “Has someone said that?”
“That wasn’t Luomen, was it?” I watched her, horrified.
Her eyes widened, her hands coming up to shake away the accusation. “No! No! Luomen would never! He was the kindest to me! I’m sure he’ll do great for Maomao… whenever the time comes.”
“Who knew there was any kind of peace in that family?” murmured my brother. “I can’t imagine what Maomao would act like if Lakan raised her.”
“I’d really rather not hear his name,” I sighed.
There was heavy footsteps coming our way and we all looked over at the abruption. Basen was already moving to guard me, but stopped when he saw it was his father.
“Master—“ Gaoshun attempted to move towards me, but his son stepped in front of him.
“You mustn’t approach so—“
Gaoshun popped him in the head before rushing to my side, bending down to murmur in my ear, “It’s Xiaomao.”
My eyes widened and I met his gaze, already shoot up to my feet, “What?”
“It’s time.”
My hands were shaky and… all the anxiety over the past week multiplied by a thousand before slamming into me. I stumbled into the table, sweat starting to slide down my skin.
Gaoshun held me upright, saying quietly, “She’s asking for you. We must get moving.”
“Luomen?”
“He’s being sent for.”
I swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat.
“Go,” my brother interrupted the silence when he knew better than to do so. Even he, as the emperor, should not bring this up nor acknowledge anything of the sort until there was a healthy baby in my hands. “Your wife needs you.”
Gyokuyo nodded, “She’s in good hands.”
Gaoshun tugged at me just barely. “We need to go.”
I left without a word to them, barely even making out a bow. Basen stayed behind us as we rushed through the court to get to our quarters. It felt like too long to be there in time. And what of Luomen? Would get there in time? They carried him around, he’d be slower!
Finally, we weaved through our pavilion until I shoved open a door that I could hear Maomao yelling on the other side of.
Shoving it open harshly, blood pumping even quicker at her shouts, I saw her lying flat on her back on the table. Or rather, being held down on her back, some ladies fitting her hands into the stirrups for her to pull on.
“No, no, no, no, no!” Maomao tried to get her arms back, but they kept pinning her down. “I’m not doing this on my back!”
“You’ll do it however I want,” a man said as he tied his mask around his head. A man I did not know. “Your precious Luomen won’t make it in time, so you’ll do it on your back—“
Maomao lifted her head, furiously snapping at him, “I will let the baby die in me then!”
“Hold her down—“
“You’ll can’t do this!” Maomao kicked at the doctor as he tried to pull her legs apart. “Let go of me!”
“What is going on here?!” I shouted.
The women holding Maomao down looked over at me. Most of the workers hated Maomao now because she and I married; I was unavailable to them… as if I wasn’t before, but oh well. So a small part of me wasn’t even surprised they were all too willing to do this to her.
“Standard procedure,” the doctor said after bowing to me.
“All of you, take your hands off of her.”
The doctor glanced at the women, “Do not.”
“I’m sorry?!” shouted Maomao. “Get off of me!”
“That was an order!” I roared.
They all retracted their hands and I swiftly shoved everyone out of my way to get to Maomao’s side. She had unshed tears in her eyes and reached for me instantly, grabbing on tight to my robes, pulling her legs closer to her center so the doctor couldn’t touch them.
“Where’s my dad?” she said shakily. I wrapped my arms around her. “I’m not doing this without him.”
“He should be here soon,” I said, though I didn’t really know. “Where’s Xiaolan?”
“Sent her to get him… why isn’t she back yet?” I doubted I’d ever seen Maomao this scared. “Who are these people? I don’t know them. They kicked out my maids and—“ she took a deep breath, “they took my medicine from me, Jinshi. I need that medicine. I’ve been perfecting it and I won’t feel as much pain if I take it.”
I pushed the hair out of her face and kissed her nose, “Okay. It’s alright, love. Just breathe. I’ll get your medicine back, I’m get Luomen, you won’t be on your back. I promise.”
“You promise?”
“Yeah.”
The doctor has the audacity to speak to me again, “It’s best if she’s on her back—“
“For you, not for her,” I snapped. “Who has the medicine?”
“Medicine isn’t allowed to be made by women—“
I laid Maomao back down carefully before grabbing the man by the hair, wringing his scalp as I pulled him closer to me, “Do you have station above my wife?”
He whimpered.
“Answer me.”
“N-No.”
“So what authority do you have over her?”
“None.”
I threw him to the ground face-first. “Basen, please take him to the emperor. I don’t have time for this. Once I get the medicine back, take the ladies too.”
One of the girls forked up the medicine easily and Basen led them out, a few guards from outside keeping them in check. I returned to Maomao’s side, “You don’t think they’ve tampered with it, do you?”
“Let me try it,” she offered a hand.
“No!” I whipped it out of her reached. “Will Luomen know if he tries it?”
She nodded.
Just then, the door opened and Xiaolan was walking inside with Luomen with her. He smiled at Maomao, “You ready?”
“No,” she shook her head.
“Too bad.”
I moved over to him as he looked around at all of the utter crap the previous doctor had going on, “Maomao made this medicine, but… there was an incident and the ladies took it from her. Can you tell if they’ve put anything else in it?”
He assessed me and took the bottle, snapping the top off to sniff it. His eyes cut to Maomao for a moment. Then he sipped it. Clicked his tongue.
“All good,” he handed it back to me. “What was this incident?”
“Some random doctor came in and had a bunch of women hold me down to force me on my back,” Maomao’s hand was running circles over her belly. “And—“ her eyes went wide and she curled into a ball on the table, beginning to cry.
“Contraction,” said Luomen before I could ask. “Give her the medicine.”
Swiftly, I was at her side and feeding her the medicine. Maomao grabbed my robes and blew her nose into them, sobs cutting between the snot dousing my fabrics. I reached forward and ran my hand up and down her back to try and offer some kind of comfort.
It really was torturous to watch her like this.
“Here,” Xiaolan came up to me with a wet rag.
I thanked her immensely before laying it on Maomao’s forehead.
We waited a little longer until it passed.
Maomao flopped onto her back. “I might need you to get the other dose I have in our room.”
“Why is it in our room?”
“The other one was too. So no one can tamper with it.”
“Is it safe to take that dose too?”
“I don’t know.”
I grumbled. “Let’s just wait until this one kicks in, okay?”
She nodded helplessly.
“Maomao,” Luomen said. She looked over. “I’m going to check you, okay? If you’re ready, we can get on the floor. Xiaolan’s setting the cushions up already.”
Maomao glanced over as if to confirm her friend really was doing it. She nodded, “Okay.”
I stole a cushion to place under her head while she lay on the table. Maomao fit her hand into mine, squeezing her eyes shut as Luomen… for lack of a better word, dove in.
Honestly, I figured she wouldn’t want him because he raised her… But then again, he was the best of the best. I doubted she’d trust anyone else to help her with the birth.
“Wait, cushions?” Maomao muttered. “I thought I told you I wanted to do the pool one?”
“No, Mao,” Luomen said. “You did not. When did you decide this?”
“This… morning.”
“Would you like Zuigetsu to be with you?”
Her eyes found mine questioningly, “Will you?”
“Of course,” I squeezed her arm. “I’ll do anything you need.”
Her lips twitched and she said, “I love you.”
It came out so casually, I almost didn’t even register the words. I think she realized it too and she blushed. Maomao never said it so easily. She always covered her face or eyes, always turned the other way, or waited until it was dark. Even then, it came out as a whisper.
Always too afraid to speak too loudly about it or else she’d lose it.
I leaned down to kiss her. “I love you more.”
“You better,” she retorted. “This is extremely painful.”
“Loving me?”
“I was going to say the baby, but that works too.”
Luomen straightened himself, “You’re close, Maomao. I’d give it one more contraction and then we’re ready.”
“Okay.”
“How’s the medicine working?”
“I… think it is?”
Luomen nodded and asked something of a guard outside before he left. There was a knock on the door and then the door opened. Maomao looked as equally surprised as I did when all of Gyokuyo’s ladies-in-waiting entered. Did she send them? Did she know that she shouldn’t have?
But when I glanced down at Maomao, she was smiling a little.
Hongniang came over, shaking her head, “I thought I told you to stop messing with the eunuch?”
I rolled my eyes. Maomao giggled.
Yinghua switched out the wet rag on her forehead for a new one, “I thought we told you to get more ladies-in-waiting for when the times comes? Who will help you take care of the baby?”
Maomao shrugged, “I have Xiaolan.”
“Gyokuyo’s offering me if you want,” Seki-u drummed her fingers on the table.
“I’ll think about it.”
Another contraction must have occurred because Maomao squeezed my hand extra tight and ground down on her molars. The guard returned and Luomen handed Maomao another bottle. I think the other dose.
Maomao took it swiftly.
Luomen checked her after the contraction subsided and nodded, “It’s time, Maomao. You ready?”
“No.”
“Get ready, then.”
I offered to help fill the floor bath with hot water, but all the women told me to stay with Maomao. I was glad they did too. I moved to my knees so I could rest my arm on the table, lying my head next to hers.
“Will… You’ll get in it with me, right?”
I nodded, “Yes, Maomao.”
“And… you know the water will be… it’ll be dirty after the baby comes out.”
“I’d hardly call the very things keeping our baby alive ‘dirty’.”
“Blood, Jinshi.”
“And what’s the difference if you sit in it versus me?” I asked. Maomao watched me for a few moments as we heard the pool being filled for her. I laid my hand on her cheek, leaning forward to kiss her. “You know I’d do anything for you. I went to war for you, my love. I truly would love to be with you in the water. We can wash it off later, but I can only be with you once.”
She rested her forehead on mine, closing her eyes. “I really do love you.”
“I really do love you more.”
She kissed me. “I’m nervous.”
“I am too,” I said honestly. “But Luomen’s talented. We’ve done everything right. There was never a sign that it’d be a breech birth.”
She nodded. “I know…”
There was something else on her mind. “What is it?”
“I just…” she avoided my eyes, “if it comes down to it… if only one of us can survive—“
“You,” I said.
“What?”
“If it comes down to having to have one of you survive, it’s going to be you. I… It sounds horrible out loud, I’m sure, but we can make another child. I cannot make another you.”
Her eyes rounded with understanding, like she was pleased with my answer. “You’d pick me?”
“I always pick you, Maomao.”
She relaxed a little bit. I kissed her once more before following Luomen’s directions to help her to the bath. She was a bit shaky; from the pain of her nerves, I couldn’t tell. But I helped undress her to just her undergarments. Then I did the same before stepping into the warm water. I took her hand to help her in. She was holding her belly with the other.
Luomen did the same and I reached over to help him in since he couldn’t use his cane. He cast me a smile and a dip of his head, “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
“I’ll say, Maomao,” he sat on the sitting stool in the bath, “one sip and my leg wasn’t hurting as bad.”
“Yeah?” she mumbled, her eyes lighting up some. “Maybe I’ll make you some more to take home.”
“You’re not feeling sleepy, are you?”
“No, just,” she shifted uncomfortably, “it still hurts.”
He sighed, “Nothing can quite mask the pain of bringing life, huh?”
“Have you no faith in me?” she scolded him. “I’ll make something. Next time, the medicine will be stronger.”
“Next time?” echoed Hongniang.
“Can we get this over with?” Maomao reached for me. “Hold me.”
I smiled and settled next to her, holding her like she asked. Maomao moved so she wasn’t sitting on the little step, deciding to lay her arms on my lap so the rest of her was floating in the water.
Reaching up, I pulled the tie from my hair to get hers out of the way. I pressed a kiss to her head, feeling her hands start to tighten on my hips. A contraction.
And now that she was dilated, that meant she was to start pushing.
“Maomao, push,” said Luomen.
She dropped her head into my stomach with a painful groan. I ran my hand down into the water to rub her back. I rested my cheek on her head, “You’re doing so good, love.”
“I’m going…” she groaned, “to kill you.”
“I really couldn’t ever imagine marrying someone else, you know.”
Xiaolan was sitting behind Luomen on the floor, watching, “Woah.”
“What?” I asked immediately.
“The head. I can—I can see its head!”
“Okay,” Luomen said. “Pause for a moment. Breathe.”
Maomao’s nails were digging into me, “Why did you do this to me?!”
“You asked for a baby!”
Then she was mumbling about how to make a stronger medicine for next time. So she still wanted a ‘next time’ after all this?
“Okay, push again,” ordered Luomen.
Maomao took the rag Hongniang gave her and chomped her teeth on it. I cradled her head into my arms, trying to praise her for doing so well, but the water was turning a different color and I was worried there was too much blood. Luomen didn’t look very concerned, though. Maybe he was masking it to not worry anyone?
“Two more pushes, Mao. Two more and you’ve got your baby, okay?” he said. “Remember, we’re in water. Don’t wanna drown her.”
“Fuck,” she groaned.
But my head snapped up, “Did you say ‘her’?”
Luomen cast me a glance and smiled, not saying anything else.
Two pushes later and Luomen was handed me a pair of clippers to cut the umbilical cord. I hesitantly did it, worried that it would hurt either of my girls. But when I cut, no one cried.
Then it hit me—there was no crying.
“Why isn’t she crying?” Maomao barely made out. I helped her sit up against me. “Dad, why isn’t she—?”
“Give her a second,” Luomen looked to have dug his hand into my baby’s back before handing the small thing to Maomao. “Undo your straps, it’s best if she has skin-to-skin with you, Maomao.”
I quickly undid them and Maomao swiftly laid our daughter on her chest, her head lying over my wife’s heart.
Then her cries echoed around the room and everyone let out a breath of relief. Maomao laughed, easing into me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and reached forward to push down a piece of green hair from our daughter’s head. I wondered what color her eyes were.
“In a few minutes, you’ll need to push the placenta,” said Luomen. “Then you three can clean up and get dressed before breastfeeding.”
I kissed Maomao’s head and she looked up at me, her eyes wide and fiery.
Everything was a blur. All I could focus on was both of them being okay.
Much to Hongniang’s dismay, Luomen jarred Maomao’s placenta because whatever my wife wants—my wife gets.
We washed up and Luomen swaddled our daughter in cloth as I helped Maomao get dressed.
Once we finally settled, we were in bed staring mindlessly at our daughter. She looked so much like Maomao. She only opened her eyes once or twice, but I could never make out the color of her eyes.
The ladies-in-waiting watched her breathe with us for a while before they left—save for Seki-u and Xiaolan.
Gaoshun and Basen came into our room to visit our daughter. Or rather, for Gaoshun, to visit Maomao.
“How are you feeling?” was the first thing he asked her.
“Dead.”
He smiled and nodded, “Can I get you anything?”
“You don’t need to.”
“I want to.”
She gave him a list of a whole meal. He laughed. Basen leaned over to see the baby, “Looks like you, Master.”
“I was thinking the opposite,” I murmured.
“She has your nose,” he said casually, as if that was the obvious answer. “The shape of her eyes look like yours too.”
I laughed. He might be lying just to make me feel better. She was the spitting image of Maomao, and I couldn’t be happier.
Just before they left, Gaoshun winked at Maomao, “I’ll ask for food preparations, Xiaomao.”
“Thank you,” she smiled.
Then, before she could even get the food, my brother visited. Her two ladies-in-waiting bowed as he entered the room. Maomao might have gotten up to bow, but I refused to let her stand up. She settled for dipping her head to him.
“Everything went okay?” he asked, settling in the chair Xiaolan pulled up. “You’re both healthy?”
“Yes…” Maomao nodded, “except for—“
“They’ve been taken care of.”
She swallowed and nodded.
“I’m very sorry that happened. It won’t reoccur, I can promise you that.”
“Thank you,” she dipped her head again.
“So,” he glanced between both of us, “what is it?”
Maomao looked at me nervously. I rubbed my hand on her back before saying, “It’s a girl.”
My brother’s eyes widened and he smiled. “Congratulations! Oh, how lovely.” Maomao looked a little shocked by this, but then again, we all knew how he was with his daughters. “You know, I really do like having a daughter first. I was hoping you two would. Maomao’s intelligence must be passed on; I would hate to see that kind of ambition die out. It’s why I was so eager to have you help with Lingli in the beginning. She’s the most audacious person I’ve met and she’s like ten pounds!”
We chuckled.
“Have you thought of a name?”
Maomao nodded. “Mei.”
“Gorgeous and plum blossom,” he nodded. “Beautiful, just like her.”
“Thank you,” we both said at the same time.
Then she turned to me, “Why are you saying thank you?”
“Because I’m gorgeous and she clearly got at least that from me… even if it looks like I wasn’t even in the room when we made her.”
My brother laughed, “Tell me about it! Look at Lingli!”
God, this man brought her up at any given time.
“Can I hold her?” my brother asked.
Maomao blinked, glanced down at Mei, and then lifted her head. “Respectfully, if you wouldn’t mind cleaning your hands?”
“Oh—yes, of course.”
She glanced at me, “Get the alcohol.”
I nodded, kissed her head, kissed Mei’s wrapped up toes and moved past my brother’s to bring a bowl of sterilizing alcohol for his hands. He pushed up his sleeves and dipped them in a few times before Maomao hesitantly handed Mei to him.
I settled back next to Maomao, letting her hold my hands because her arms now felt empty without our daughter sleeping in them.
“She hums in her sleep,” I said.
Maomao nodded, “She goes—“ Maomao took a breath in, and hummed it out, “hmmmmm.”
“Maybe she’ll be a good singer,” he said. “Thought that would have to come from you, Maomao. The only thing my brother is good at is whining.”
I rolled my eyes. Maomao giggled.
The food came in a little bit later and a taster to accompany it. My brother held Mei as we ate our food—Maomao scarfed hers down per usual, earning a frightened look by my brother.
Gyokuyo came later and Seki-u got her a chair as well. She smiled at the jar of Maomao’s placenta, “Oh! You did it!”
“Yeah.”
“I told you could have mine!”
“I was kidnapped.”
“Oh, right… didn’t I give you Lingli’s?”
“Yes, it was very useful.”
My brother furrowed his brows, “You what?!”
“Didn’t I tell you?” Gyokuyo furrowed her brows.
“No.”
She giggled.
“We need to have a boy so I can compare placentas,” murmured Maomao.
My brother looked to me, “How can you still eat with all that she’s saying?”
I raised my brows, “Oh, because unlike you, I don’t whine about women being women.”
He gasped. “Hey! You know I’m not good with blood!”
“You’re a grown man,” I laughed. “You can suck it up for the birth of your child.”
The woman next to him blinked at me. “You… watched it?”
“He got in the bath with me,” murmured Maomao. “Don’t think I could have done it if he hadn’t.”
“Really?!”
“Not after the doctor trying to make me do it on my back,” she shook her head.
I ran my palm down her hair, watching her eyes flick to mine affectionately.
“And how was the bath?” asked Gyokuyo. “Do you think it was any better than being on your back? What about the medicine?”
“Yes to both. It’s smoother in the water, more weightless.” Maomao sipped her water, “But I want to try the squatting—heard that the gravity helps with getting the baby out. And I want to do one lying down. For research.”
We all laughed. Maomao looked at me confusedly, “What?”
“Nothing,” I kissed her cheek. “Eat, my love.”
She grumbled but ate anyway.
Maomao fell asleep as soon as she set her utensils down. Gyokuyo handed them to Xiaolan and I laid her down before covering her with a sheet.
I took Mei from my brother, holding her against my bare chest so her cheek could touch my skin. While leading them out, Xiaolan and Seki-u cleaned up everything for us.
I slid the door shut behind me so our voices wouldn’t wake Maomao. My brother smiled at me, “I’m very proud of you. And happy for you.”
“Thank you,” I smiled, glancing down at Mei as she adjusted in her sleep to feel my skin more. I pulled some of the fabric of her swaddle back so she could feel me.
“Here,” Gyokuyo pulled out a small book to hand to me. “It’s all of the aftercare for the next couple months. Maomao recorded everything when I gave birth to Lingli and it’s useful to have so you don’t forget anything. It’s just how to take care of Maomao now that the baby’s born. There are many books on the babies, but none for the mothers.” She watched me take the book, “I know you’ve been taking care of her mostly. Hopefully Seki-u will help take some of the responsibilities off your plate.”
“Oh, if I could, I’d do everything,” I took the book. “But thank you. I really appreciate it.”
She shrugged, “Maomao made it. It’s technically hers.”
“Still. Thank you.”
She nodded. “Of course. It shows all the ways to help Maomao heal and how to do it.”
My brother was staring at the book. At his wife. I couldn’t help but notice the worry. The pink-haired woman bowed to me before whispering a sweet goodbye to Mei, looking a little confused as to why my brother wasn’t leaving with her, but not asking.
Once she was around the corner, my brother asked, “Is that… something I should do?”
“What?”
“Be there. For the birth?”
“I don’t… think it’s my place.”
“It is. I’m asking.”
I sighed, “I’m in love it’s Maomao. Our marriage isn’t a transaction for babies, brother. She wanted me to be with her, so I stayed with her through it.”
“But you take care of her too.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“She’s my wife.”
“You could have more ladies-in-waiting.”
“Sure, but I like to take care of her.” I blinked at him, “What are you getting at? You want to know if you should act like this with Gyokuyo?”
He nodded shyly.
“If that’s what she wants, yes.”
“How do I know?”
“You ask.” I sized him up, “I don’t know what the deal is with you two, but don’t force something that’s not there.”
My brother sighed. “I feel like I’m a horrible husband compared to you.”
“Because you are.”
He was so taken aback, he stumbled. “What?!”
“It’s the truth,” I shrugged. “But you two were always a transactional relationship. If you want more, you have to spend time with her. You have to care for her.”
“I do!”
“Through actions, not just in your head,” I groaned. “When did you become so dense?”
“Hey!”
“What?!” I defended. “It’s the truth!”
“How did you even care for Maomao before this?”
I chuckled, “You don’t know?”
“No.”
“Ask Gyokuyo. She knows.”
“Why won’t you just tell me?”
“Because my daughter is starting to wake up because she’s hungry.”
He sighed. I opened the door but he grabbed my arm, “That large sum you paid to that house in the pleasure district… what was that? I always wondered. That should have been around the time you and Maomao were running around.”
“Her contract ended here,” I said. “She was raised in that house, by the women there. She had no other job. So I did what anyone would.”
He looked horrified, “Ruin her?!”
“No!” I gasped. “This is our only child!” I lifted Mei for extra emphasis.
“What?”
“I bought her out.”
“That was a large sum!”
“Yeah, and the granny running the place knew I wanted her badly, so she kept raising the price.”
“You’re insane.”
I shrugged, “It’s called love, brother. You would have done the same. Goodnight.”
“Night,” he wished.
Returning to the bedroom, I shut the door behind me and tried to ease Mei as much as possible now that she was stirring away. I wanted Maomao to get as much sleep as she could before having to feed her.
But the next thing I knew, Mei was screaming. I sighed and moved over to the bed where my wife was still out cold.
Could I kept Maomao asleep and also feed Mei?
Only one way to find out. I pressed on Maomao to roll her over and tug down her sleep dress, exposing one of her breasts.
I carefully positioned myself and Mei so she could latch on.
“Oowwww!” Maomao shot up.
“Mao—!” I grabbed Mei before she could fly across the damn bed.
“What are you doing?!”
“Trying to get you some sleep!”
“How does that look like me getting sleep?!”
“Mei’s hungry!”
Maomao sighed and reached for her after sitting up next to me, readjusting her top so both breasts were exposed. “Give me her.”
I did as she said and nestled closer to her as Mei failed to lay onto Maomao’s left nipple. My wife moved her to the other one.
“Does it hurt?” I asked once Mei latched on.
“Certainly does when you’re not expecting it,” she mumbled, our hair falling all over the place. “Like in my sleep.”
“I didn’t know. I just wanted you to sleep.”
“It’s fine.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright.”
“Can I get you anything?”
She shook her head before resting it on my shoulder. I pulled her into me and watched Mei for a while. “How’s it feel?”
“Weird…”
“How descriptive.”
“I’ll write it down in the morning. I’m too tired right now.”
I nodded and kissed her cheek. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
She blushed and ducked her head into my neck. “Shut up.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“No, thanks.” I tipped her chin up and kissed her on the lips, “I love you, Maomao. So so much. You know that, right?”
She nodded, her voice coming in a whisper, “I know. I love you too.”