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"Take care of yourself for me."
The seasons soon changed, like a breeze that blew all your problems away as far as they could get. Words had the same impact as for this summer season, the heat was too much to take because of your state.
"Ah, I was rejected. Again."
Following with your eyes as the back of the person whom you adored for years once again rejected your confession. It was no surprise but still it hurts who knew words can hit you that hard right in front of your face, you didn't expect that you'd received such an answer.
It didn't take too long, so you stopped. Going after school to visit the gymnasium to watch them play volleyball, going to their classroom when lunch starts and even leaving letters at their lockers. You just stopped. The persistent girl he once knew, finally stopped.
Maybe his words of rejection did finally reach you, is what he thought. But only to hear the news that the same girl he rejected transferred to the city.
For a little while, the Sawamura was bothered by how others perceived him as the "rejector" and that he was cruel to the girl so you left. But on the contrary, before you even left, Sawamura's last request.
"Take care of yourself for me."
Those words were enough to break someone else's spirit, like a sharp pang entered your right through the chest. You thought of how many times you had to come up with the courage to tell him what you feels. But instead, another year had passed and another rejection had been given.
"Sawamura, this is going to be our last year. Though I expected something, I guess that was stupid of me to even do. This is the last time I'm going to see you. I am grateful for rejecting me up until now."
The girl smiles intently, those eyes of yours didn't contain anything other than happiness. Though it still hurts, you smiles through the pain. Tears soon fell down from your eyes then to your cheeks, your vision then became blurry as you stared at the back you once dreamed of catching up.
It didn't take too long, ten years had already passed by. Then they planned to have a reunion at their school. At the early summer, at this time of the year.
"I heard that the Sawamura has become a cop!"
"Ain't that a fit for the guy!"
Chatters of the batch about each other spread throughout, as of the moment everyone is seen to be catching up with each other and laughing. It was a fit sight and a fitting season to do so.
You entered the crowd only to have the stares and awes of the people.
"Isn't that the girl who liked the Sawamura before?"
"Oh, the one who followed him?"
Even though you could hear them, you ignored them as if you didn't hear them utter a word towards her. The girl they once did was different to who they see now. You were more mature.
It was unexpected, years have passed but your feelings didn't faith. Every time you see him, it hits your heart. It makes your heart beat fast and your face flushed.
(Handsome as always.)
Squinting your eyes even more, you see a beautiful woman beside him, this is the first time you had ever seen this woman, she wasn't in their batch in highschool.
Who is that woman?
Heads turned towards Sawamura, and you gaze to the woman with her arm linked onto Sawamura. Without even saying anything it's pretty obvious that they are dating.
You just didn't want to believe it.
They giggled and looked at each other lovingly, your chest ached. Seeing the scene unfold. You believed that you'll have another chance to ask him out.
That's the reason why you came into this reunion in the first place, to ask Sawamura out.
If there is this little bit of chance on hearing the sweet yes on his lips, but he is now taken. Again. It's always like this.
At the bar counter, you swish around your glass of gin and tonic. It was a sight to be hold, and a sight that kept you occupied until you hear your name called out.
By none other than...
"Hey, (Y/N). You little rascal, didn't even say 'Hi'? Hmm?" His voice much deeper, a rich scent of perfume mayhaps the woman's perfume clinging onto him, his built compared from before is much more sturdy and—
"If you keep staring at me like that, you'll bore holes through me. " A low rumble from his chest, as he chuckled.
Your cheeks flushed at his words and immediately snapped your head to the opposite direction.
"S-shut up! " You say in haste. Still flustered, gripping tightly on the glass of gin and tonic.
It was an awkward silence. Then you mustered up the courage to speak. " So, you have a girlfriend now huh?" With a small chuckle, trying to mask what she was truly feeling.
"Fiance, actually. "
(Fiance...? )
It was as if your heart dropped at the news you heard, it's a bombshell after a bombshell. Your heart couldnt keep up, one second there is this mystery girl and then his fiance?
Too much.
It was too much.
"I see you kept your promise. Been taking care of yourself, hmm? " Sawamura asks. He then, orders his drink.
It was awkward, years passed and it's as if nothing changed. You hated how this felt, you hated how nothing progressed in your relationship, despite of doing the best you can.
Despite of the effort you poured into it, it's as if it was nothing. It wasn't seen nor recognized especially him. If was a complete dunce.
Didn't see what's beyond the presents you gave in Valentines, his birthday or in the Christmas or any of the holidays you gave him presents.
Didn't see the thought of every messages you sent.
[ Eat well...and don't forget to drink water! ]
[ Good morning, see you in practice. Hope you have a great day! ]
It was... As if he didn't think of you as someone he could have as a romantic partner. It's sad and its hard to accept that especially if you really really like a person.
And that is how much you liked him, liked Sawamura.
"Did you even think of dating me back then? " the words slipped of your mouth. Immediately closing your lips shut.
"Of course I knew. "
"Of course you knew, how could you ever know, you never paid attention— wait...you knew? " Your eyes widen, blinking as fast as you can.
You couldn't believe what you just heard, he always knew. So why? Why didnt he say anything, why didn't he acknowledge those hints... Why?
You slowly turned your head towards him, your eyes reflect that you were just shocked at the fact that he knew. Looking at his eyes, sincere.
"The water bottles you placed near my things whenever me and the team were playing... The nonstop salonpas in my locker? " He chuckled, and looks at you, staring at your eyes. "Waiting for me everyday just so we can ride the train together on the way home. And a lot more hints. I knew. "
His voice was enough to make your eyes teary. He knew and, yet your feelings was not seen. Why wasn't it reciprocated.
"Why did you reject me...? I've...always..." Your voice cracking.
"I was scared. And I didn't want to lose you. " Sawamura says in a more mellow tone, as if being mellow with you helps. What you're feeling actually made it worst.
Anger bubbling, what was he so afraid of?
"But you won't lose me... Please just... Tell me... If you always knew that I have feelings... Why do you continue to play dumb with me... Why didn't you take that risk with me? " Sounding so desperate with the cracking of your voice, was enough to have a pained look plastered on his face.
"Picture this. If we dated. And broke up, would you ignore me? You'll hate my decisions. You always wanted someone to stay with you. "
"What does that mean...? "
" (Y/N), you want me to stay here in this town. I won't grow here. I want to go places and experience things. Find who I am. "
"YOU CAN DO THAT! YES! BUT, Daichi... I confessed three times or more than that, until you graduated you could've dated me...you know...I'll accept how many days, weeks, months or just a year...but...you kept saying...no..."
As you spoke your heart out, tears slowly stream down your cheeks, it feels heavy but somehow telling this to him makes you feel at ease. After 10 years you'll get the answer, the reason, the truth behind as to why he rejected you that many times.
"I was scared of confrontation. You've cornered me a bunch of times. You don't know how much I wanted to say 'Yes, I like you too'."
"So why didn't you....? "
"Youre an independent. You gave all your efforts and time to me. It felt like I was being babysat. I hated that, but hate soon turned to fear. I questioned myself for a long time..."
He drifts off, leaning onto the corner of the bar counter. With a huge sigh leaving his lips and chugging down his drink. Closing his eyes shut trying to find the words he is about to say.
"Will I ever give you the same effort and time? Probably not. I was busy with volleyball back then, and school on top of that. And if we dated. You'll hate me for it. And I don't want that. (Y/N), I didnt want you to hate me because of those. That's why I went to the route that you'll hate me instead. "
Your eyes widen, staring at him. Slowly the bar's music fades and only his voice is registering into your ear. That thin barrier you built around your heart, it shattered like glass with every word he says. It hurts to hear but you have to.
Sawamura turns his attention to you, the way his eyes look at you, it's sincere and genuine. Slowly, his hand cups your cheek, it was warm, his palm a bit rougher than before some callouses as well.
"I have always—"
"Babe! It's been an hour, our hangout with Yuki at the Angel's Bar! "
The woman, who is his fiance looking all panicked and in the phone with someone. Calling out Sawamura, he slowly slid his hand off your cheek as his gaze fell down towards his fiance.
"I better get going then. "
(Wait...don't go...)
"It was nice seeing you, (Y/N). "
(Don't leave...please stay...)
"Daichi."
"Yeah? "
Your teeth slowly digs onto your lower lip, having to feel a sharp pain. Opening your lips slightly. As you take a deep breath on what you were about to say.
"It's... Been a while huh? "
That wasn't what you want to say, but you had to stop. It had been ten years. Ten whole years. And everything is different now. He has a fiance, no little feelings from you will change whatever he is now.
"Take care of yourself for me, 'kay? "
Again, that phrase. It didn't changed. He would always say that in the past. And I guess that's the last time I'm hearing it again.
(I hate how I like you so much...to the point that even now I'll still do it for you...since you asked...and since I still hold these stupid feelings for you...Daichi...)
"You too...you have a pretty fiance by the way..."
(Daichi...)
"My precious gem, huh? "
(Daichi...I...)
"I have to go now, see you around? "
(I still like you...)
"Mhm! See you...around..."
Slowly he made his way towards his fiance, they looked cute. All lovey dovey. It pained to see him with another but how he smiles and laughs like that around her it was contagious, you smiled and it's not for show. You were genuinely happy for him.
"I still like you... "
A soft murmur from your lips and on top of that the upbeat surrounding, with no one even hearing. Your words all covered by the noise of the rave and silenced by the music. But maybe this is for the best, there are things better left unsaid. For their sake. For their happiness. For Sawamura.