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Yosuke and Teddie were hanging out in Yosuke’s room, it was after school and they didn’t have work. The day was hot for spring in Inaba, they were prone on the hardwood floors. As it often did, Yosuke’s mind wandered to Yu.
“Hey, Teddie.” He shoved him slightly, and Teddie rolled away, swatting without looking. “Do you think that Yu has been… quieter, recently?”
“Bwuh? Whaddaya mean, Yosuke? Sensei is a beary quiet person!”
Unbidden, Yosuke’s mind deemed it an appropriate moment to send a memory reel of all the times Yu had laughed around him. Yeah, the guy wasn’t loud but he liked to tease and joke and talk almost as much as the rest of them.
Well… he did know that these memories were mostly just him and Yu, maybe with someone else like Chie or Yukiko, but still. Surely Yu had cracked a joke to Teddie at least once. Right?
“I just mean he’s been kinda off recently, y’know? I think he might be hiding something.”
“Everyone hides stuff! Beary normal.” Teddie grinned at his repeat usage of the same lame pun. After a moment of consideration, he added to his thoughts. “Maybe you should go look for his shadow if you’re so concerned.”
“What? Yu never had a shadow. C’mon dude, you were there when he manifested his persona. You were more lucid than I was!!!”
“Never ever ever?” Teddie asked, frowning. “Are you pawsitive?”
“Yeah.” He’d never been out of the party. Every time they’d gone into the TV world he had been there, Yu’s right hand man. His partner. “He’s never had a shadow.”
“So why wouldn’t you think he has a shadow? Anyone can get a shadow. Anytime!”
“Wait, really? What about our personas?”
“Wellllllll, Yosuke, if you’re hiding your true feelings, you’re gonna have a shadow.”
“Damn.” They continued laying there for a moment before Teddie piped up again.
“You’re always really down around finals! Maybe sensei is just tired.”
Yosuke rolled over, facing the ceiling now. In the corner, his aging fan spun slowly, pushing tepid air around.
Had Yu ever been so concerned with academics? He had been in the top rankings on tests so far, even above Yukiko on midterms… even so, Yu hadn’t actually seen the guy study that much— or at all. He’d never been worried about stuff like this before. In all his time of school with Yu he’d only seen the guy get one question wrong.
“Maybe.”
Maybe…
Yosuke closed his eyes.
--
Yosuke had a shift the next morning, and he showed up early. Boss makes a dollar, Yosuke makes a dime– yet he still clocked in early, which meant he was lame. As he walked past the electronics section, he saw Yu standing at The Tv. He wasn’t doing anything, really, and there were customers still around, but Yosuke slid up anyway.
“You good, partner?”
“Oh, Yosuke.” Yu grinned at him, but it wasn’t… it wasn’t the grin he used on Yosuke. It was the polite one he used when he talked to girls and teachers and other people who expected things from him. “Are you working today?”
“Yeah. Hey, after my shift—“
“You read my mind. Tv world? I have a few things I’d like to find, and everyone else will probably be busy.” Yu still had the polite smile on, rushing through his words.
“What? I mean, yeah, sure, partner. But also…”
“Go finish up your shift, okay? I’ll wait around.”
“… alright, partner. Stay safe.”
Yu chuckled, low and steady.
“What else would I do?”
--
What feels like a million years ago, Chie, Yosuke, and Yu made a pact to not go into the TV world without each other. In general, they’ve done a good job of it, but Yosuke can’t lie. He’s seen Yu leisurely waltz toward the electronics department without anyone, and without fail, he and Yu end up in the tv world, gathering supplies for “quests” Yu has.
The guy just can’t seem to say no to anyone— except girls, really. He rejects what feels like a lot of love letters, and in person girls. He tries to stop Rise in her tracks when she gets going, and the rest of them too when they’re going on about dating and crushes and girls.
Yu has never engaged when Yosuke tries to bring it up.
So Yu gets a lot of requests, and he doesn’t seem to feel like bothering the rest of the investigation team, so Yosuke always tags along. He’s gotten in trouble, yeah, but anything for Yu.
He tries not to think about afternoons he’s not working.
He rushes through a restock of the dry goods, leaves the produce section to the part timers, and bolts back to the electronics section.
Yu doesn’t look like he’s moved.
“You good?” He lamely repeats. Yu looks over.
“Just thinking. Ready?”
Yosuke took one last glance around.
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
They entered. There shouldn’t be a way to fall so gracefully through a tv, but Yu managed it somehow, while Yosuke almost cracked his skull open.
“Where’re we heading, partner?”
Yosuke asked, swinging his arms to let out some steam. Teddie wasn’t around, nor Rise, so they’d be going in blind, wherever they went. In front of him, Yu shrugged.
“I don’t actually know. Ever heard of a crossed cross?”
“A what ? Doesn’t a cross imply it’d already been crossed?”
“Oh, no, I got it wrong,” Yu laughed a little as he checked a notebook. “It’s a crooked cross, not a crossed cross.”
“Anything else?”
“This woman asked for the horns of a beetle, but I think that’s best to be left until we’re stronger. I’d like to find some soul replenishing stuff too.”
“Okay, partner… where is this stuff? You don’t know?”
“Usually I just get a bit of an idea when I get back in here, and I go off that.” Yu closed his eyes, breathed in and out while Yosuke bounced from foot to foot, anxious in the backlot. Yu opened his eyes again in just a second. “The bathhouse.”
“Partner…”
“I know you hate it, but I need these things. Stay back, if you want.”
“You know I won’t let you go alone!” Yosuke hissed. “Bastard!”
“Thank you, partner,” Yu replied, already heading toward the evil place.
“Besides, it was a lot scarier when Shadow Kanji was there. It was— it was kind of disgusting we’ve seen so many friends like that, huh?”
Yu threw a look over his shoulder.
“It just feels so invasive, even if it’s not our fault exactly that we’re learning all of what they’re hiding. It’s… awkward. Cmon, you can’t say that it was a good first impression when you saw my shadow.”
“It wasn’t my first impression of you,” Yu said. “I saw you crash into that pole on the way to school the first day we had class, and I still wanted to hang out with you, okay?”
“Wow, really? Why— no, never mind. Think about Rise and Kanji and Naoto. Don’t tell me it wasn’t invasive to hear everything their shadows said.”
“If we didn’t do something, they’d have died.”
“I know! That’s not what I’m saying— I’m saying—“
“Are you trying to say you shouldn’t be at fault for being disturbed by the gay caricature that Kanji’s shadow took the form of?”
“Jeez, way to say it badly. Yeah, no. I… I shouldn’t have said a lot of what I said. But I have since apologized , thank god, and I can say what really unsettled me. He was a scary gay man caricature and I couldn’t handle the idea of— of sexuality, really.”
“Mature man over here,” Yu said, a grin visible in his voice.
“Shut up. I’ve done a lot of work on myself, I’m allowed to flaunt it, especially when you doubt my good intentions!”
“Okay, partner.” Yu indulged him, still audibly grinning.
“Back to my original point! Don’t you feel sort of bad about, y’know, seeing everything that someone’s been hiding? Especially with all the sexual stuff in Yukiko, Rise, and Kanji’s palaces.”
“It just means some repression, which is really normal for teens. It’s fine, right? We’re still friends now.”
Yosuke didn’t pipe up about how he still laid in bed at night and stewed over the fact that Yu had gotten a free showing of all the ways that Yosuke Hanamura was a certifiable asshole.
“We’re still friends,” Yu repeated, quieter, more so to himself, probably not meaning for Yosuke to hear. “Let’s go, partner.”
Yosuke almost always called Yu ‘partner’, it came out of his mouth easily, but on Yu’s part? It seemed each time that it was very intentional, very purposeful, and he fucking knew it made Yosuke forgive him, or if nothing needed forgiving, it made Yosuke listen. Sometimes he tried getting mad about how easily Yu got him to do things, but those feelings walked hand in hand with the fear of being seen, and ended up somewhere where Yosuke just felt happy he had someone that cared enough to make him listen.
They entered the bathhouse and slashed and hacked their way up a few floors. It kept getting easier, and Yosuke liked the idea that they were so measurably stronger than what had scared the shit out of him in the beginning.
“Got anything, partner?” Yosuke was on guard duty while Yu rummaged through the piles of gunk the shadows left behind. “Can we go yet?”
“Can you be patient?” He was obviously joking, but Yosuke still gripped his [weapon] tightly and grit his teeth.
He was just being sensitive.
“No cross.” Yu said, right behind him. Yosuke whirled, to which his partner only laughed. “Thinking about something?”
“Nothing. Good to go?”
“Mn.” Yu said in assent, tossing a glance back down the steamy hallway. “I think it might be a few floors up?”
Yosuke groaned, but pushed on.
At least they didn’t have to deal with major shadow shenanigans! It was still uncomfortably humid and weird, but not like having a guy spilling all his guts against everyone’s will. A win was a win, and Yosuke had to get them where he could.
About two floors later, Yosuke was taking a breather while Yu looked through a chest. That’s when it started to get weirder than weird.
“That’s strange,” Yu said, which made Yosuke jolt to his feet and hurry over. Just in case. “Yosuke, look at this! It’s a peach seed, that only showed up in Yukiko’s palace.”
“Partner,” Yosuke said, sighing with relief. “That’s not that weird. We see repetitions of stuff all the time. Man! You scared me!”
“It’s just weird,” Yu said, turning it over in his hands. “I’ve never seen one here before… and it doesn’t even have a special effect, it just heals a little bit, like last time…”
Yosuke sighed again, shaking his head. He’d been getting all worked up over nothing.
“C’mon, man. Let’s get rolling.”
“I haven’t found as many soul replenishers as I’d like…” Yu mused as they peered out the hallway and looked away for shadows. They were both doing good on health, though Yosuke was a little low on soul, so they’d already used two of the three soul drops they’d found. The steam had gotten thicker on the way up and up, which sort of made sense, but also was frustrating as hell.
“Do you think we’ll be done soon?” Yosuke asked, stretching just once more before they bounced back into action. Yu shrugged.
“It seems a rarer drop than I initially anticipated.”
“Initially anticipated,” Yosuke mimicked under his breath.
“Hm? Did you say something?”
“Nah. Let’s go, I’m getting hungry.”
They went on, and eventually they had gotten the horn that Yu had been talking about, had ended up right outside of the boss room, which was empty.
“Goddamnit,” Yosuke said right after Yu said they needed to go back down. “For real? Can we just wait on this one, partner?”
“Partner,” Yu said back, fake disappointment plastered all over his face. “This girl is scared, and she needs a crooked cross to feel comforted. Would you really deny her that? She just wants to feel safe.”
Yu wasn’t really disappointed, surely. They could come here later, they had time– yeah, they were still after the killer, but damn, they had time! They could come back!
But that girl… it was probably the one that hung out in the back of their class with her friend, she was always really anxious and clutched at various religious memorabilia, like, all the time. It had to be really scary not knowing what was going on… even scarier than having an inside look. Sure, you weren’t fighting to the (maybe) death, but he knew that ignorance didn’t equal bliss.
“Fine.” He harrumphed, and followed Yu, because the dick already knew that he was gonna agree as soon as he uttered ‘partner’.
“I hate tranquil idols!” Yosuke yelled, fists thrust in the air, as they headed toward the back lot. “Fuck their entire existence!”
“Fuck tranquil idols!” Yu called in echo.
“Fuck you too! You’re the one who took them down!”
“Would you want them to stick around?” Yu was grinning, face open, eyes closed, and it was just sort of the perfect moment for Yosuke to hook an arm around his shoulders and lean against his partner.
“Obviously not,” he said, head resting on Yu. “They fucking suck, man.”
Yu didn’t respond right away. For a second, it was pretty normal, Yu wasn’t the loudest guy, and he was at his loudest with Yosuke, and that was banter, it wasn’t– but after more than a minute, Yosuke got kinda worried.
“Yu?”
Yu cleared his throat.
“Nothing. What were you saying?”
Yosuke frowned, tightened his arm slightly.
“Are you sure you’re doing good, partner? You’ve been a little weird this trip, and in Junes–”
“Wow, something’s wrong with you? Who woulda guessed?!”
Oh wow, what the fuck? That was a shadow because Yu hadn’t spoken, and it sounded like Yu ’s distorted voice. His head whipped to look in front of them.
It was like the other shadows. There Yu stood, except it wasn’t Yu, because he was wreathed in shadow and had golden eyes, and also Yosuke was holding pretty tight onto his partner.
“What?!” Yosuke repeated to himself. Yu was tense in his grip, and when he glanced back at his face, it was pale and sweaty already. “Partner? You just gotta–”
“Partner this, partner that. Wow, it really works, huh? Isn’t it nice being loved?” Yu’s shadow laughed and slunk toward them. Yu had a graceful trot, walked like he couldn’t possibly be falling until he was, but this part of him was more catlike than the original. “God, you really can’t win. It’s hard being so open and so opaque, right? It’s really, really hard, it’s so hard to be Yu Narukami! Wuwuwu, everyone loves me but they don’t see who I am. Wuwuwu.”
He spoke mockingly, and the cutesy way of making crying noises was so wrong coming out of the pretty stoic face of Yu.
“Wuwuwu, no one takes me seriously, they just want a therapist! Even partner! He just wants someone to lean on! And if he doesn’t? Oh god, what if he doesn’t? What if I’m smothering him, smothering them all, what if I wasn’t supposed to be here? I wasn’t supposed to be here, they should have to solve their own problems, this is like every group project I’ve ever done, I can’t let them have an ounce of individuality, oh no, all must bow to King Yu Narukami, the best to ever do it–”
“Shut up.” Yu said, very quiet. Yosuke was still holding onto him in the roughest sense, though his arm had slackened slightly as he watched Yu’s shadow come up to them.
“Hey partner!” The shadow said. “Hey. The moon sure is beautiful, isn’t it?”
Out of the corner of his eye Yosuke saw Yu’s entire face go red, all down his neck too. He couldn’t seem to draw his eyes away from the shadow, just like every time he had witnessed one. They had this evil gravity to their every action, and something disgustingly voyeuristic in his head made him keep watching.
“I’m so fucking lonely. You’re so lonely,” the shadow corrected himself. “No one here fucking gets it, they don’t understand how hard it is to be here– partner, you’re probably the only one, and even then, you don’t–”
The shadow was all up in his face now, and instinctively Yosuke stepped in front of Yu. What was he gonna do? Accept Yu’s shadow for him? No way… but he still did it without even hesitating, or thinking, really.
“Isn’t the moon beautiful tonight, partner?” The shadow put his hand on Yosuke’s upper arm, and then Yu was lunging, pushing the shadow away from Yosuke. He couldn’t bring himself to move, he just watched as Yu shoved his own shadow to the ground.
“Shut up!” he hissed. “God, yes, it’s true, I feel that, I’m alone and I’m hungry and I’m worried they don’t like me, they just like how I’m useful, but that’s enough, okay? Shut up. Why’d you have to do this now?”
“Partner–”
“I’m soooooo lonely,” the shadow yelled, kicking its feet. His feet? “I’m soooooo cold. Hey! Partner! How about you help a guy out?”
Oh wow, what? Yu’s shadow sounded a lot like he was propositioning him.
“Yu, don’t say–”
“I know, I know.” Yu sounded worse than that time that he got a cold over winter break and Yosuke had come to help nurse him back to health, since Teddie wasn’t any good at that sort of thing. He watched as his partner took a deep breath and exhaled before speaking.
“I am you, and you are me,” Yu repeated the words all of them had said, then went off script. “I accept it. I know it. Come back.”
There it went, just like every other time someone accepted their shadow.
“I had wondered why you weren’t using Izanagi.”
The joke fell flat.
“Well.” Yu said. “Now we’re really equals. You’ve seen it all, what I’ve been trying to put agway.” He was still on the ground.
The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it? The quote was familiar…
“If you could… do we have to talk about this with the others? Let’s not. They don’t need to…”
His partner was almost wheedling . It’s not a good look on anyone, but Yosuke could forgive basically anything from the guy. His mind was occupied, gear turning quickly.
A memory was fighting to surface– that thing that the shadow had been saying, what embarrassed Yu so much. The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it– where had he heard that before?
“Oh, shit, Mr Hosoi’s class! Natsume– it was Soseki Natsume, right? He translated ‘I love you’ as ‘the moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?’! I remember because Chie was bitching about it being on the midterms.”
Yu was looking at him, some inscrutable expression on his face, before basically collapsing on the ground.
“Why’d you have to remember that? Out of anything we’ve learned?” Yu asked, but it sounded less like he was actually asking Yosuke why and more like he was just mourning the loss of his privacy in general. Well, shit sucked, but it happened to all of them.
He tried to shove down the pleasure at being the only person to see Yu’s shadow. Even Teddie had been there for Yosuke’s, but Yu’s? This was a partner thing, something he could handle.
“What do you always say, partner? This is just part of you. It’s not all of you. God, I was just talking about shadow insecurity!”
Yu looked back up, green in the gills.
“Are you really just gonna brush that confession off?”
“Well, yeah, a little. You didn’t… you didn’t exactly mean to tell me, right? I was gonna let you bring that back.”
“Well?” Yu asked, tensing up again. Yosuke rubbed the back of his neck.
“Dude, you’re like, the most important person in my life right now.” God, it was so embarrassing to exist, especially in front of Yu. “You… I don’t have the words to describe it. I’d do anything for you. Die, even.”
“Please don’t die for me.”
“I’m trying to– I’m trying to say how special you are to me, okay?”
“So you don’t like me back. That’s– Yosuke, you can just say it. I can take it.” Yu got to his feet, still tense as all hell. Yosuke let his mouth drop open.
“What the fuck! Let me get to it, it’s really– it’s really hard to confess when your shadow doesn’t do it for you, okay? I’ve never… I’ve never done this before.”
“What?” Yu said, stock still. “Yosuke–”
“I like you back. God– wow, partner,” Yosuke reached out and took Yu’s hand. “The moon sure is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”
Yu stared at him, mouth open, eyes wide. It was one of the most expressive expressions he’d ever seen in his life, much less on Yu . His face was mottled red and white, an ugly blush, and there were tears in his eyes that Yosuke hadn’t noticed. Man, how had he ignored that? He shoved down another feeling, used to it, and tried to forget Yu looked really damn pretty crying. He squeezed his hand, a code that had sort of spread around the group. Three squeezes means I’m here, I care about you.
“Yosuke–” Yu stopped, took a breath. Then another. Then he chuckled, just a little, voice wet in his throat. “That was really sort of lame.”
“HEY– what the fuck! This is what I get for trying to be romantic…” Yosuke jokingly pulled away, but Yu didn’t let him go.
“Don’t… Partner. Yosuke. I care about you– it’s way too early to say I love you, I shouldn’t have– but I like you.”
“Have you been listening? I would die for you. I like you too, dumbass.”
“Thanks, partner.” Yu leaned in, drew him into a hug. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Don’t die.”
“I’m not trying to.” It was weird, hugging Yu. He’d really been the first person Yosuke had had any skinship with, and when he had imagined hugging a girl (and other stuff…) he’d always been the taller one. It was kind of nice, being the smaller person. God, he needed to shut up. He squeezed Yu, let him know he was here. The guy was dead on his feet already, it couldn’t have been fun to absorb his shadow.
“I wasn’t gonna… I wasn’t gonna say anything. You guys– you’ve been the best parts of my life so far, excluding Nanako.”
“Well of course, Nanako is the best kid in the world.” Yu smiled, watery, and Yosuke got serious again. “Yu, you need to know that you’re the first real friend I think I’ve ever made. Everything before was just people trying to get free shit from Junes, or that sort of thing that happens where you’re kids and you never see each other again after that one time on the playground.”
“I–”
“I’m not done, man. But it’s not just you– there’s everyone else. Okay, well, I can’t speak for everyone , but I swear to god as far as I know everyone thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread. Yeah, it probably started because you’re so awesome at listening and being there for people, but it’s always gonna be like that. Someone reaches out first, starts it, and then as it goes on, they’re here for you when you need it. If you’d told anyone about your feelings, they’d comfort you, and then probably kick my ass for not picking up on you being…”
“Gay?”
“Yeah. Sorry. It’s still hard to say.”
“It’s fine…”
“That’s another thing! Partner, you gotta stop saying it’s fine when its not. You’re a pretty obstinate guy, you know what’s going on, so don’t lie to us at all, okay? You already don’t, why do that?”
“It really is fine, Yosuke. I understand how it would be really hard to get to a place where you’re comfortable with being gay–”
“Well it’s also that I think that might not be it? Like, I think I might be bisexual? God, that’s so awkward, but– hey, this is about you, okay?”
“I think I get it.” Yu was smiling again, soft and sweet and really goddamn pretty. Evil was in the world and it was shadows and also attractive people. “You’re trying to say that I’m insecure and that you all love me, and that I’m not alone anymore.”
“Yeah. Basically. Even if for some reason I’m wrong about everyone else, I’ll be here for you. Partners, okay?”
“I guess it’s an alternative to boyfriends.”
“Ugh! You’re gonna be so embarrassing! And yeah, us being partners is better than boyfriends. Anyone can have a boyfriend. Who else in town has a partner?”
“Yukiko and Chie are partners, I think. Kou and Daisuke, too.”
“Wait, really? Romantically, or– Yu.”
“And I’m supposed to be the ridiculous, embarrassing one?” Yu teased.
“I’m gonna leave you on the backlot and let everyone find you dead next time we come in here.” Yosuke muttered. “Gonna tell Rise you have a crush on her and she should go for it.”
“You wouldn’t, you love me.” Yu said, spinning them around a little. Yosuke could feel how weak he was. He started hustling a little harder toward the exit.
“Yeah, unfortunately, I do.”