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When Hayley Bradley came home from school on a rainy April day, she had mail.
She never usually got mail. She didn’t take it personally, she just chalked it up to being twelve years old. But today there was a letter addressed to her, and she was so surprised she’d had to check it twice to make sure it was actually for her. Her name and address were handwritten in block letters, not printed like the grown-up mail Mom got, and honestly, it looked like a crazy person had written it. Or someone in a huge rush. Or both.
The babysitter was late, thank God, so there was no one around to ask Hayley who her mysterious letter was from. Mom would have done that. Mom needed to know everything that happened, and despite Mom’s best efforts, it always came across more like an interrogation than taking interest in her children.
She’d been even worse lately, ever since Randy disappeared. Hayley was amazed she’d even gone on that business trip of hers this week. She’d been watching Hayley like a hawk ever since Randy vanished, even more than before, so Hayley figured she’d cancel. She hadn’t. It was too important, Hayley supposed. Hayley’s phone had been buzzing the entire walk home, probably Mom making sure she hadn’t been abducted on the route back from school.
Ha. Mom didn’t need to worry about that. Hayley could take a kidnapper. She was feisty. She’d made this joke to Mom once, and after Mom nearly had a panic attack at the apparent thought of Hayley being kidnapped, Hayley didn’t do it again.
Hayley went upstairs and performed her new daily ritual – pulling her missing brother’s favorite vinyl record out from under her bed and holding it for a while.
It had been three months since Randy’s face first appeared on a missing persons poster, and Hayley still wasn’t used to it. Not that the posters were all that visible anymore. They were still around, sometimes Hayley would be unexpectedly confronted with them when she was out and about, but not nearly as much as they had been back in January. They’d faded eventually, just like the town’s interest in Randy Bradley.
That pissed her off. Who the hell got to decide that Randy wasn’t worth worrying about anymore? Why should her brother just not be searched for anymore? Who the hell was anyone in this town to act like he was yesterday’s news? Hayley and Mom shouldn’t be the only ones that still cared. Everyone should care about the fact that Randy was missing.
Except they didn’t anymore. And even worse: rumors had started circulating.
For a while, everyone had been so worried about Randy Bradley, or as he appeared on the posters, ‘Randy Bradley – Missing’. The poor boy, he witnessed a massacre and then was taken hostage by the shooter, and nobody knows where he is. His family must be worried sick. Hayley had hated the pitying looks she got at first, the way everyone’s eyes softened and even filled with tears sometimes when they looked at her and registered that she was Hayley Bradley, the sister of the missing boy. Poor girl, they’d said. She must miss him so much. And she did, but she wished people wouldn’t point it out so much when they thought she couldn’t hear them.
Now, she missed those looks. She missed those whispered comments behind her back. Because the rumors were so much worse.
Hayley couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment the town seemed to turn on Randy, the exact moment everyone had started desperately coming up with excuses to not care about him anymore, but she remembered the rage she’d felt in her chest when it happened. Some asshole had started spouting bullcrap about how Randy wanted to be taken, how Randy had helped the guy that took him clean up the blood and hide the bodies, how Randy had probably helped kill his coworkers, and everyone latched onto it. Hayley didn’t know why they had. Probably because it was interesting, and when something was interesting, it didn’t matter if it was true or not.
Sometimes boys at school would confront Hayley with these rumors to tease her. She’d respond by punching them in the face, and continued to do so to this day despite multiple warnings and the occasional threat of suspension from her principal. Hayley sometimes wondered why she hadn’t actually been suspended for all that violence yet. Probably a result of leftover goodwill from being Randy Bradley – Missing’s sister.
Hayley would never use this word in front of her mother lest she have a heart attack, but fuck every last person who believed those lies. Fuck every last person who even humored them. Randy would never hurt anyone. Randy would never help someone hurt anyone. And most of all, Randy would never, ever leave her and Mom to run away with an asshole psycho killer. He wouldn’t. He’d never.
Hayley found herself repeating that internally as she clutched Randy’s vinyl record. Hayley had never heard the album in full before, only as snippets when she passed Randy’s bedroom back when he was still here. Rumours by Fleetwood Mac. Hayley wasn’t even sure if Randy even liked it that much. He hadn’t even chosen it himself, Mom had given it to him because she had multiple copies. But it was the one he played the most, and the one that reminded Hayley the most of him.
When she’d completed her ritual, stroking over the faded edges and corners of the record’s sleeve with her thumb, she slotted it back under her bed and returned her attentions to her mysterious letter. She tore open the manila envelope and unfolded the lined paper. When she did, she saw very familiar handwriting. Her breath caught in her throat.
“Hayley,
It’s Randy.”
Hayley had to resist crumpling the letter as her hand curled into a triumphant fist. See? See?! She’d told them! She’d told everybody! Randy didn’t leave her, and here was the proof! He’d sent her a letter to help her find him! He’d gotten away from that guy and was coming back home soon! She couldn’t wait to tell those idiots at school how wrong they were. The looks on their faces when Randy came home would be priceless!
“I’m so sorry I didn’t write to you sooner. I was waiting until I was sure Mom wouldn’t be home. I hope she’s still taking that trip she was talking about before I left.”
Hayley read those last three words again. And again. And again. What did he mean ‘before I left’? He didn’t leave, he was taken. He was taken from her. Randy would never up and leave his family. He wouldn’t.
But he had. He’d just admitted it.
“Please don’t tell anyone about this letter. It’s just for you. I just wanted you to know I’m alright. I’m safe. I don’t know if anyone’s still looking for me, I don’t know if you’re still looking for me, but I’m so sorry for worrying everybody. I’m sorry that I worried you.”
Randy was... sorry for worrying her. Hayley nearly laughed. Well, that just made everything better, didn’t it? Hayley had bruised and scabbed knuckles from all the boys she’d been punching for implying Randy had run away (which apparently he had), but hey, at least Randy was sorry for worrying her. Yeah, that fixed everything, didn’t it?
“I can’t tell you where I am. Please don’t look for me. Just know I’m where I need to be. I couldn’t stay there, Hayley, and I can’t come home. Not now. I’ve changed too much. I don’t think you’d like me if you saw me again, to be honest. I’m so different now.”
Hayley was sure Randy was right about her not liking him if she ever saw him again, because she really didn’t fucking like him right now.
He was where he needed to be? With him? That crazy guy that killed all those people was more preferable to Randy than his own family? Randy was apparently so stifled by his home, his family, that the only place he could find peace was with a psycho killer?
All that effort, all that energy that Hayley had poured fighting against everyone that had said a word against Randy, that had said he’d wanted to leave, and the whole time, those assholes were right. Randy had wanted to leave. And now he’d sent her a letter gloating about how much better off he was without his pesky family holding him back.
“I know this is hard to understand, but I’m okay, I promise.”
Well. As long as he was okay.
“I miss you. I keep seeing things on the road and thinking about you. There was this dolphin keychain at the gas station a while back that made me think of you. Remember when you swam with the dolphins on vacation last year? I didn’t go with you because I was too scared. I guess this is me trying not to be scared anymore. This is my version of swimming with dolphins.”
Randy had just compared abandoning his family to Hayley swimming with dolphins when they went to the Bahamas. Hayley had read through this letter looking for details of Randy’s whereabouts and instead got to read... that. Well. That really was something, wasn’t it?
“Bye, Hayley. I love you.”
No he didn’t. If he did, why was he leaving her? Why was he leaving Mom? Why was he leaving them both to be with him?
“I hope we see each other again someday,
Your big brother, Randy.”
Hayley took a deep breath, her hands loosening as the letter fell from her hand and fluttered to the ground like a leaf from a tree. She exhaled, pulled Rumours by Fleetwood Mac out from under bed, removed the record from its sleeve and smashed it over her knee.