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His bed felt cold and empty, despite his newly engaged fiancée lying right next to him.
He should have waited.
Turning his head, he looked at her, guilt swarming his chest as he stared at the back of her head. Her copper hair covered the nape of her neck, still in the tightly wrapped bun that she had put it in earlier that morning.
He should have waited.
Sighing, he looked up at the ceiling as his mother's words kept coming back, repeating over and over in his head.
"He always does this, Samantha. I tried telling him, but he wouldn't listen. He never does! I don't know why I even try."
Tears began to form in his eyes. I should've thought it over more. How could you be so stupid, Ashton thought to himself. He wiped away any tears that strayed from his eyes, thinking once more of his mother.
He turned to his side, facing away from his "lover".
There used to be a time when he could call her that and mean it wholeheartedly.
The guilt gnawed at his heart, making it ache.
Does Haley feel the same way that he does? Does she know how wrong it was, like he does? Does she feel any remorse the way he does?
Stifling tears, he curled into himself, the guilt continuing to overwhelm him as he thought about what had happened a few days prior.
The room was dark, even with the small red light illuminating part of it from the corner. The kiss felt as gentle as a feather, while his heart felt like a bird trapped in a cage that was far too small. His whole body burst into flames as they held each other, and the world seemed to have faded away. He felt the worries and stress falling off his shoulders, as all he could think about was the kiss. But just as quickly as it had started, it ended.
He touched his lips, thinking back on the feeling. Out of all the kisses he and Penny shared, never had one ever made him feel the way that he felt with Haley. A tear slid down his face and onto the pillow.
It was too late to turn back. He proposed. He had got down on one knee. He had given her the ring in his hand. A ring that—he now realized—was never meant for her.
"You see, I told him it was far too soon to marry a girl. Especially one he's only known for a year! Honestly, Samantha, I think my son is far too blind sighted by what he thinks is "love"."
He thought about his past marriage and everything his mother said. He tried to take in some of the things she said after the divorce.
Yet here he was. In the same, but ultimately different situation.
He could always call the marriage off, but the thought of hurting Penny in that way made his heart sink.
He still loved her, just not in the way she loves him.
He thought about Haley once more. The smile she gave him after sharing a kiss. The wave goodbye she gave him as he left her house.
Ashton looked at the time and saw that it was 1 a.m.
Determined to get at least a little bit of sleep, he turned, lying on his back. Before he could shut his eyes, he felt Penny shift in the bed. She draped her arm over his body, resting her head on his shoulder.
Looking down at her made his heart ache more, and made the butterflies in his stomach grow.
Finally closing his eyes, he shoved the guilt down, forcing it to be barely noticeable.
I can make this work,
He thought to himself.
I can make us last.