Chapter Text
My name is Akaashi Keiji. I am a first-year student in Fukurodani. I play in the volleyball team and I don't have any friends besides my team mates, because I'm not very sociable. Since young, I've always thought I was slightly different from everyone else. I tried suppressing those feelings and tried to make friends but always ended up being alone. It has always been like this until I entered this school. The first time I stepped into this school, I laid eyes on a boy a year older than me. His name was Bokuto Koutarou. He was such a cheerful boy and his actions made him popular. He was funny and nice to everyone. I admired him. But admiration turned to something else. I went for the volleyball trail where we were asked to show our skills and I made it into the team. Everyone was friendly and nice and told me that I did a great job. Then, Bokuto came up to me and swung his arms around my neck, almost choking me. "Akaashi Keiji right ? You did a great job. Welcome to the team!" was what he said to me before giving me a huge hug. Normally, I would't feel comfortable when people touch me but his hugs. I felt something different when he hugged me. It felt so warm and nice. I just hugged him back.
A year later, we unknowingly became best friends. We hung out during lunch and he usually talked about his hobbies, which are volleyball and video games. He talked about his family and how tragic it was to always go home to an empty house. He told me that I made him happy because I volunteered to eat lunch with him. I didn't mind it at all. Things changed when he talked about a girl he fancied a few months after my second year, when we were hanging out at his house.
"Akaashi, you know that one girl with shoulder-length brown hair from my class ?" he asked softly while controlling his racing car with the controller. I just replied with a soft yes.
"I kind of like her. She always look at me. Do you think I should go for it ?" That was when my heart felt like it shattered into pieces. It was so heartbreaking to hear that the one you love talking about someone else. I couldn't breathe. I nearly cried but I didn't. Instead, I held on to my tears and said, "If you like her, then go for it." And he just smiled at me and said, "Thank you Akaashi, you're the best."
I went home crying after that day.
Everything escalated so quickly from then on. Dating, to getting into a real relationship and his first sex. Bokuto told me everything and I had to hide my feelings just for his happiness. It was okay though. Bokuto was happy. He used to get terrible mood swings and it scares me but now that he's dating this girl, he was happier. He rarely have mood swings. He was much calmer. I'm happy for him.
Time flew past really quickly and it was already his graduation day. Bokuto was happier than usual. It was nice seeing him happy, knowing that he could finally pursue his dreams. It kind of sucks though, because it has been 2 years and my feelings for him is still as strong as it was. During graduation, I saw him smiling and crying tears of joy when he went onstage to get his certificate. And I saw him crying tears of joy when his girlfriend said yes when he proposed after graduation.
I couldn't keep my tears anymore. Bokuto saw me crying and came over to me. "Akaashi, why are you crying ?" He asked, with that voice that I will miss. I just shook my head and told him I was happy for him and he just hugged me. It felt like a goodbye hug, he doesn't need to know that though.
"Akaashi, for the past 2 years, you have changed me into a better person. You have guided me through problems and have been listening to my rants. Thank you so much, you are the bestest friend I could ever have."
Best friend. That's right. That was all we were. That was the relationship between us. Best friend. That word stung me. I was nothing but a friend to Bokuto. I don't have any regrets though. I enjoyed being close to him even though I knew that we could never be anything more than just friends.
"You're welcome Bokuto and congratulations on your proposal." I tried being happy for him. After all, hiding my true emotions is my best game.
I walked home alone that day. It felt so uneasy when I turned around and didn't see Bokuto's yellow eyes piercing into me. No noise whatsoever. Everything felt so uncomfortable, it made me sick. I didn't cry that night. I didn't get any sleep either. Everything was real. Bokuto graduated and is now proposed. No more "hey hey hey Akaashi" whenever I enter the school's gym. No more lunch together. No more hanging out at his house. No more Bokuto.
I didn't have the motivation to go to school anymore. I ended up quitting the school team because everything felt so different and I hated that place. It reminded me of Bokuto. In fact, I stopped doing everything I loved, because I did everything with Bokuto. I was happy for him but I wasn't happy.
I graduated a year later with grades that weren't up to anyone's expectations. I didn't care. It was silly actually, now that I think of it. Bokuto is now proposed to his girlfriend of nearly 2 years and he's happy now. And here I am, feeling depressed everyday because he wasn't mine. I still kept his contact. I've already planned on what I wanted to do after graduation. I have my things packed already. I just felt like I needed to text Bokuto that I was leaving.
To: Bokuto Koutarou
21/12/17 , 20:19:57 - Bokuto-san, I just graduated from Fukurodani. I don't know if this is still your number because we haven't texted each other after your graduation but I just felt like I needed to tell you that I'm leaving for Boston in a few hours. I'm going to settle down there. A college accepted me there and I'm planning to migrate there. I will miss you.
From: Bokuto Koutarou
21/12/17 , 20:20:01 - Sorry, This Number You Are Trying To Reach Is No Longer In Service.
That night, I left Japan and never looked back.