Work Text:
Namjoon has had his first job for about 3 weeks now. It may not be a glamorous job but at least it’s close to home, in the mall where his best friend works at the CD Plus, and, most importantly of all, they were willing to hire an 18 year old with no work experience.
For the most part Namjoon likes Zellers. He’d grown up shopping there a lot with his moms and brother. It was close to home, the prices are good, and they carry everything from basic dry groceries, to clothes, to electronics, to pharmacy goods, to toys and even more.
The location he’s employed at was built in the 70s and it hasn’t been renovated really since the early 90s. His moms would say it gives the store character. Namjoon is pretty sure that it is maybe one health code violation from being condemned. But that’s fine because in less than a month the store is going to liquidate all its stock and prepare to move to the other side of the mall. In a few months Namjoon will be working in a brand new store with brand new everything and it’s going to be pretty sweet. He can handle falling apart fixtures, slow tills, and mice in the staff room for the time being. Not that he’s seen a mouse yet. But he has been thoroughly warned to never leave any food whatsoever in his locker.
Currently it’s sometime around 8PM and the store is quiet. Which isn’t surprising since it’s a Tuesday night and who would be shopping at Zellers around 8PM on a Tuesday? The song on the store radio switches to Funky Town by Lipps Inc so that must mean it’s now 8:10. He may be a relatively new hire but already he’s discovered that the exact same songs play at the exact same time every day so you can tell the time by the song. He’s not sure if this is a good thing or not.
Namjoon has a shopping basket looped over one arm and he’s currently holding a rattle as he walks around the store putting back items that strayed from their home. He doesn’t know the baby section at all so he’s having a hard time finding where this rattle goes. Frowning he steps a little further down the aisle and then dead stops. He takes a sniff. Then a deeper one. Oh no. No no no. “Please don’t let it be a dirty diaper” he says on repeat as he slowly turns around and looks for the source of the smell.
His eyes land on it.
Well it seems his prayers are heard because it is not in fact a dirty diaper.
It’s just a log of poop sitting in the middle of the aisle.
This definitely wasn’t covered in training.
Glancing around the only other staff member Namjoon can see is Thalia working in the electronics department. There don’t appear to be any customers. That’s probably good.
With a deep sigh he heads towards the electronics counter and waves Thalia over. “Umm hi, Thalia, I have a question.”
“Of course, Namjoon.” She smiles up at him, sweet and cute. He’s pretty sure she has a crush on him.
“I uhh need to show you something because I don’t know what to do with it.”
“Oh, sure!” She comes around the counter still smiling. Namjoon feels guilty. She’s definitely not going to be smiling in a minute. “It’s super dead so I’m happy to have anything to do.” Famous last words if Namjoon has ever heard them.
A small part of him hopes that when he gets back to the baby aisle the poop will have magically disappeared and he can just pretend he can’t find where the stupid rattle he is still holding goes.
Unfortunately the poop is still there.
“So, umm, what I wanted to ask is… is that a piece of poop on the ground?” He knows it’s a piece of poop but he sort of doesn’t believe it’s actually there still so he has to ask.
Thalia screams and jumps back, partially hiding behind Namjoon. “Oh my god oh my god oh my god! That’s a piece of poop! Oh my god why is it there?” She does a full body shiver and with another shriek runs back to the electronics counter and crouches down hiding behind it.
On the one hand it’s just a piece of poop, it’s not going to jump out and get her, but on the other hand Namjoon feels that her reaction isn’t entirely unreasonable.
With a sigh Namjoon trudges back over to the counter and peers over it at Thalia. “It wasn’t covered in training what to do if I found a piece of poop on the ground. Do you know what I should do?”
“I don’t know. I guess page Dave and ask him?” Thalia says between sobs.
That seems fair. Dave is after all the store manager. He surely knows what to do. “Can I use your phone?” Namjoon asks.
“Sure! Just get that thing gone. Oh my god I can’t even look in that direction. Who would do that???”
Namjoon walks to the far side of the counter and picks up the phone. “Dave call 3060, Dave call 3060” Somehow his voice doesn’t waver at all as he pages.
It takes Dave nearly a minute to respond but when the phone starts ringing Namjoon immediately picks it up. “Hi! Dave. I have a problem.”
“Ok, what can I help you with, Namjoon?” Dave says, voice crackly over the ancient phone.
“I found a piece of poop on the ground and I don’t know what to do with it.” He says in a rush.
There’s a long pause. Long enough that Namjoon has to check to make sure that the call hasn’t been disconnected. Eventually Dave asks “Like a piece of shit?”
It’s so unexpected that Namjoon nearly lets out a hysterical laugh. “Yes. Like a piece of shit.”
There’s another long pause and then Dave finally just says. “Then clean it up.”
“I’m sorry sir but I’m not sure how. I’ve only been here 3 weeks and they didn’t cover this in training.”
There’s a barely audible sigh. “Ok, is it a log or is it diarrhea?”
The question takes him off guard but he manages to splutter out a, “It looks pretty solid.”
“Do you have a dog?”
The question also takes Namjoon off guard and he splutters a little. “No. I don’t.”
“Well have you ever cleaned up dog poop then?”
“I did a few times for a friend.” Namjoon’s best friend has a poodle named Holly. He’s gone on enough walks with Yoongi and Holly that he’s probably cleaned up dog poop a few times over the years.
“Then just grab a plastic bag and pick it up like dog poop.”
“Ok, I can do that.” Namjoon’s not sure that he can do that. The situation is starting to catch up to him and Thalia cry/laughing behind the counter isn’t helping anything. “I just have one more question.”
“Yes Namjoon?”
“I don’t know what to do with it after.” Namjoon admits sheepishly.
“Just throw it in the garbage.” It’s said like it’s obvious. Which it probably is but Namjoon’s pretty sure that he can’t just throw it in any garbage can. That’s probably a health hazard. Plus it would smell.
“Like in the back room?” He figures this is probably the right answer. “But I don’t know where to go back there.”
“Ok. Meet me at the customer service desk and I’ll show you.”
“Ok. Thanks Dave.” Namjoon hangs up the phone. He takes a deep breath to steel himself then looks over the counter at Thalia and gently asks. “Hi, could I please have a plastic bag?”
“What? Why” Thalia sniffles and wipes at the tears on her face.
“I’m going to clean it up. I need a plastic bag… maybe 2 just in case. And some paper towel.”
“YOU’RE JUST GOING TO PICK IT UP?” She shrieks.
Namjoon shrugs. “I guess? It’s what Dave said to do.”
“You’re so brave.” Thalia gets up off the floor and heads to the bag stand. She pulls off several bags and hands them to Namjoon. “You better at least triple bag that. Ugh I can’t even watch this!” She grabs a roll of paper towel from under the till, practically throws it at Namjoon and then quickly disappears deeper into the department.
Carefully Namjoon puts 2 of the bags inside of another bag so he now has a triple thick bag. That should be good enough. The poop did look pretty solid so he shouldn’t have to worry too much. Probably. He puts the rest of the bags back on the stand and now armed with the bags and the paper towel he heads back to the aisle.
Somehow during all of this he hasn’t seen a single customer. Which is probably for the best honestly.
When he gets back to the poop it is unfortunately still sitting there. He sighs. But he might as well get this over with so he crouches down and just picks it up into the bag. There’s a smear on the ground about the size of a dime so he grabs some paper towel and wipes it up before throwing it in the bag too.
That was surprisingly easy.
He stands up and heads over to the electronics counter to return the paper towel. Thalia is nowhere in sight so he just puts the roll on the counter and hopes she’ll see it. He then heads off towards the customer service desk.
For some reason in this store the customer service desk is located in the back of the store. It probably made sense to someone but mostly it just confuses customers. As he gets closer Dave comes out of an aisle and also starts walking towards the desk. Namjoon grins at him and Dave smiles back. All things considered this night is going pretty good.
When they get close enough to talk Dave asks, “So it all went ok?”
“Yup!” Namjoon holds up the bag and wiggles it. “It just scooped right up!”
“Good.” Dave claps him on the shoulder then guides him towards the counter. “Now I’ll show you where the garbage compactor is.”
Anita, the girl working the customer service desk, takes one look at the bag of poop and bursts into hysterical laughter. She’s laughing so hard she disappears below the counter but her laughter can still be heard.
“I told her what happened.” Dave says with a smile.
“I can’t.” Anita wheezes out and then she bursts into louder laughter.
Dave starts heading behind the desk and Namjoon follows him. When they get behind the desk Anita manages to look up and see Namjoon holding the bag of poop and she snort laughs and starts wiping away tears. Her laughter follows them as they step through the door to the back of the store.
The door doesn’t immediately lead to the back room. There’s a long dimly lit hallway they walk down until they come to a swinging door. When they step into the backroom Namjoon is reminded of why he doesn’t come back here. It’s dark, and cavernous and there’s just STUFF everywhere. It’s one of the many things in the store that looks like a health risk. They weave through the assorted stuff until they come to a large metal door on the wall.
“There you go.” Dave says as he points at the door.
Seems easy enough. Namjoon steps up to the door and grips the handle and starts to pull.
“Oh and one more thing.” Dave says.
“What?” Namjoon asks as he starts to pull the door open and turns slightly to look at Dave.
“Watch out for the bats.” Dave says.
“What?” Namjoon says louder as the door swings open and several bats start flying around the area.
“They don’t like it when you open the door.” Dave is calmer than a person should be when there are several bats now flying around overhead.
Namjoon doesn’t know how to process this so he just throws the bag into the compactor and slams the door shut. “Bats?” He manages to squeak out and then look up at the small shadowy figures flying about.
“Don’t worry about it.” Dave says and claps Namjoon on the shoulder again. “They only get a bit upset when you open the door. Otherwise they don’t really come out. And when we’re in the new store they won’t be a problem any more.”
“Right.” Namjoon says as he starts trying to back his way out of the backroom. “I should umm get back to the returns I was doing.”
“Of course, thank you for your hard work.” Dave smiles at him. It’s kind of nice. Like a parent telling him he did a good job.
With a strained smile and a nod Namjoon heads to the nearest door to the sales floor. Once he’s back on the sales floor he lets out a little sigh of relief. He should definitely do everything in his power to never go back into the backroom again. Ever. He likes bats, they’re super cool and most of them are pretty cute. He however does not like the idea of scaring the bats every time he opens the garbage compactor.
The rest of his shift goes by in a blur. Thalia can’t look him in the eye. Every time he sees Anita she bursts into laughter. Dave smiles at him like a proud parent. All things considered it’s not a bad night.
When his shift ends at 9 Namjoon hastily grabs his things and hurries out of the store. Honestly he can’t wait to just go home. But when he steps out of the front door into the unseasonably warm late April night he’s not greeted by one of his moms but instead his best friend and younger brother leaning against Yoongi’s beat up brown 1992 Dodge Spirit.
“Yo.” Yoongi says and nods his head.
“What are you doing here?” Namjoon asks as he eyes them both up and down suspiciously.
Jungkook holds up a $20 bill triumphantly. “Moms sent us with money to get ice cream! I got a 95% on my English essay and you’ve been working really hard so they thought it’d be a nice treat. We have to bring them some too though. And I thought Yoongi should get some too because he helped me on my essay!”
Namjoon’s heart softens a little. “Actually this is perfect. I could really use some ice cream after the night I had.”
“What, you had a tough night with the 2 whole customers that were in the store all evening?” Yoongi snorts as he pulls open the driver-side door.
“I had a very tough night, thank you very much.” Namjoon says as he opens up the rear driver door with a loud squeal of metal. “You’ll never guess what I found.”
“A dead body under a shelf.” Jungkook immediately says, perhaps with more excitement than a person should say something like that.
“Don’t be ridiculous, if there was a dead body under a shelf then there’d be cops everywhere.” Yoongi teases.
Jungkook just rolls his eyes.
Yoongi turns in his seat so he can look Namjoon in the eye in the backseat. “I bet it was an Orange Julius cup that turned green and fuzzy and grew legs and walked away.”
“Ewwww.” Jungkook squeals.
“What, you don’t believe me? They can definitely do that.” Yoongi’s using his I’m 100% bullshitting you but try to refute me voice.
Before an argument over Orange Julius can break out Namjoon interjects. “Well it was just as gross but thankfully it didn’t get up and walk away.”
Yoongi’s eyes light up in interest while Jungkook’s face scrunches up in disgust.
“Well,” Namjoon grins as he settles in to tell his story. “It’s a bit of a shitty situation…”