Chapter Text
The sun had finally shone after a long storm. The chaos dimmed down, and Sieun felt a feeling, a feeling he hadn’t felt in months. His chest wasn’t contracting at every moment, his hands weren’t shaking, his body wasn’t bruised and bloodied. He felt content, calm. He sat beside Baku, as his other two friends were squabbling over basketball on the court. Friends.
It scared some part of him to call them friends, for them to be associated with Sieun. He brings nothing but violence and misery in his wake to those who came close to him. Sieun wanted to shrink, to become so impossibly small no one would ever find or bother him again. The loneliness in his heart would engulf it, and the guilt shredding at him would finally tear him apart.
It was impossible to avoid, the three clung to him like a bunch of koalas. Even when Sieun tried to get away, to protect them, protect suho, it didn’t work.
It must’ve been for the better though, cause there Sieun sat with a small smile on his face as he conversed with Baku, falling into a comfortable silence. Birds flew above his head, a light breeze passing by flowing through his hair. For once his mind was quiet enough to hear the rustling of the trees, the crickets in the grass, and the laughs of Hyuntak and Juntae a few metres away.
A feeling he hadn’t felt since he was sat in his old classroom, Suho infront of him and Beomseok behind. Their study session turned quickly into a long talk, Suho of course starting it off, some tangent about rude customers at work. A time where Sieun listened but didn’t talk much, a time where Suho and Beomseok could talk to eachother freely and happily.
Sieun sat back, his lips curling up at the corners. Calm.
A vibration came from his pocket, his phone ringing. Sieun grabbed it out his pocket, expecting it to be his mother or father like usual, but an unfamiliar number was on the screen. Sieun lifted it to his ear, “hello?”.
Sieun stilled. His body felt rigid, all feeling in his limbs gone. A vice grip held the phone as the lady on the line said the words “I’m calling from Sungang University hospital, is this Yeon Sieun?”
Immediately, dread flooded Sieun’s mind, his heart hammered against his chest. The last time he received a call, Suho was in critical condition, Sieun fainted from the pure overwhelming emotions all at once. “Hello?” the line called again.
Sieun shook his head, inhaled a shaky breath. “Yes.”
Baku shifted next to him, noticing the change in Sieuns tone and body language. He looked towards his friend with a face of concern, trying to decipher what it was.
Sieun’s mind short circuitted as he heard the words from the lady. He couldn’t process them all. His eyes widened and he eagerly pushed the phone closer to his ear to make sure he wasn’t mishearing.
Suho
awake
Suho
awake
“He’s awake?!” He asked, voice breathy like he had just ran a marathon. Before the woman could finish her sentence Sieun had interrupted, hung the phone up and stood.
Baku understood the situation fast, but Sieun was quicker, before he could call over Hyuntak and Juntae Sieun was off, running faster than he had ever seen before. He called the two over and followed Sieun rapidly, catching up.
Sieun’s heart was back to pounding, with more force than ever. Suddenly stamina was just a mere word Sieun didn’t know anymore, he ran and didn’t stop. His legs felt light, even feather like as he sprinted.
Suho was awake? This wasn’t some horrendous prank or a dream?
Suho, the boy who taught him how important it was to have friends, who sacrificed himself for Sieun, who took care of him, who gave up everything for everyone else. Sieun ran faster, he wouldn’t believe it till he saw him. Till he saw his short black hair resting on his forehead, till he saw those dark sharp eyes that looked at him with care, and something else Sieun could never tell. He needed to see them open, scanning his face.
He ran, and ran, repeating to himself that Suho was awake, Suho was awake and he was going to make sure he protected Suho this time.
He didn’t know how long he ran until the hospital came into sight, he saw it in the distance, a wheelchair with someone sat. Someone with short black hair and a familiar grey hoodie. The person was still blurry, but Sieun knew, he knew it was his Suho.
As he reached the grass landing he stopped, breathing heavily as he stared at the now clear figure, he could only see the back of Suho’s head but he felt his guts churning and his heart racing. Was it from the running or from the anticipation? Maybe the adrenaline, the guilt, the worry. The worry that Suho won’t want to see Sieun, that he would think it’s better to not associate with him anymore. His chest contracted, and he felt frozen for a moment.
Everything was too overwhelming. Suho was here. He wasn’t in the boxing ring, there was no one brutally kicking his head. Beomseok, Wooyoung, Yeongbin, they weren’t there. Sieun wasn’t trapped in the confines of the ring, paralysed in place, being dragged back down by guilt and self pity, and the yearning of wanting to just go back to how things were.
It wasn’t his fault.
It wasn’t his fault.
Sieun tried to remember. With this thought, he turned back to his friends behind him, he was sure he looked a mess, hair maybe disshevelled and a lost expression on his face. Baku smiled at him, “Go on.” he encouraged, with an affirmative glint. This was the push Sieun needed.
He turned back on his heels, eyes locked onto Suho, as he took slow steps forward. Suho wasn’t running this time, like in his nightmares, he wasn’t getting further away as Sieun desperately chased after him. trying to stop him from going to the ring. No. He was still, coming closer and closer that Sien could now see the outlines of his face. His cheeks more hollow and pale than they were months ago, arms not as broad but he was still Suho. He stepped closer until he knew Suho would hear him.
The raven haired boy turned his head, his eyes scanning over sieun for a second before widening. Their eyes met and the wind got punched out of Sieun. He felt like crying, breaking down on the floor and dragging Suho into his arms to keep him safe. He was awake. He was looking at Sieun. And Sieun couldn’t breathe.
“How’s it going?” His voice echoed. The voice Sieun hadn’t heard in months. The one he yearned to hear everyday as he visited the hospital.
The relief Sieun felt was indescribable, a weight punched off his shoulders, he was no longer dragging the mass of the world.
“Good.” He managed out, eyes not moving from Suho’s. He wasn’t his usual self, his tone quite monotone and lack luster of emotion, which made guilt crawl up Sieun’s spine again. knowing that, even if he was awake, he wouldn’t be himself again for a long time.
He watched as Suho’s eyes travelled from him to gaze at something behind him. “Who are those guys?” he asked, a little more expressive, eyebrows quirking. Sieun felt his eyes well with tears, his heart still stuttering, he couldn’t describe how he felt; so impossibly overwhelmed all he could do was muster up tears.
“My friends.” He replied, a small smile etching at his lips. He watched, warmth spreading throughout his body as Suho mimicked the smile, just a little.
“Ahh. That’s good to hear.”
“Mhm.”
Sieun’s hands were shaking now. There was still metres between them, Sieun was scared to cross the line. He didn’t want to hurt Suho, cross boundaries, he was not the same guy from those months ago, and Sieun wasn’t a touchy person. In fact he hated most physical contact, but a yearning overtook him. A yearning so strong it overpowered all the other conflicting feelings. He stepped forward, until he was right next to Suho, the boy in question following his every movement with his eyes.
From this close Sieun could see every detail he missed. His hair longer, now resting just above his eyes and reaching down his neck, his lips dry and chapped, clear pale-washed skin. But he was his Suho. Still alive, breathing with no mask, and he looked as handsome as he always did.
Sieun lifted a cautious hand, giving Suho time to tell him to back off if he wanted, but there was nothing. Sieun placed his hand ontop of Suho’s. Warm, it was warm. Just like he had been months ago when he clung onto him on the back of the motor bike. Warm like the first day of spring, not intense, not overheating, just, right.
More tears spilt from Sieun’s eyes as he felt the hand give a small weakened squeeze in return. This was real. it was real.
“Suho-yah.” He felt himself saying, his throat closing up. He wasn’t even sure what else he wanted to say, unable to connect anymore words.
“Aish, Yeon Sieun, since when did you become a cry baby, hm?” Suho joked, voice gaining a little more strength, the small smile on his face raising.
Sieun would pour out his heart now if he could. Tell him it started when he went into a coma. How he had never cried so much in his life. How he made up 17 years of tears in just one night. How he visited, engulfed with guilt, thinking everyday that Suho was there because of him. How everyone knew he did it too.
Sieun wanted to tell him he would text him everyday, update him on his life, so he never felt like he was being left behind or moving on. How Suho was on his mind everyday; everything he did it was because of him. He wanted to be better for him, he never wanted to fight, he never wanted to hurt anyone. He had so much to say to Suho, pour the ins and outs of his heart and tell him how much he means to him.
“I just missed you.” Is all Sieun choked out, taking a breath to stop himself from sobbing.
The grip on his hand tightened, and Suho inhaled a shaky breath.
“I’m here now.”
Sieun nodded, wiping his tears with his unoccupied hand. Before it could fully fall down to his side again, Suho’s other hand caught it, taking it into his. Sieun immediately held the soft hand back, heart fluttering.
Suho guided Sieun’s hand to his chest gently, pressing it over his heart. Sieun felt reassured again. He felt the confident pounding in his chest, not weak nor fast, he pressed his hand further gently.
This isn’t a dream. Suho is here, he wasn’t dead, he isn’t going to die, he doesn’t hate me.
“You’re here.” Sieun smiled, the tenseness in his limbs letting go. Sieun had never felt more relief. “I’m glad.”
Suho’s face lit up more, grip tightening around Sieun’s hand.
They stared. Unable to do much more. So many unshared words yet there was silence. Sieun scanned every detail of his friend’s face, eyes connecting and gazing into eachother’s. Suho’s eyes weren’t as full of life, the light was still there but it was dimmed.
Sieun was determined to make sure they shone bright again, no matter how long it took.
A doctor walked over interrupting their moment, “Ah, hello Sieun-shi.” Doctor Seo greeted; a polite smile on her face. All the doctors and nurses caring for Suho were familiar with Sieun, of course. He was there almost everyday, asking how Suho was doing without fail.
Suho raised his eyes at this, “Do you know everyone now, Sieun-ah?” He teased, and Sieun couldn’t help the breathy laugh and the shake of his head. They had disconnected one of their hands now, but Sieun still kept a grip on one of them. Not wanting to let it up, afraid that everything might fall apart again if he did.
“Of course, he was here everyday visiting you.” Doctor Seo said with a smile to Suho.
Suho turned back to Sieun, an unreadable expression his face. Sieun felt like he was pretty good at reading his friend but this time he couldn’t decipher the intense stare.
“That’s my loyal Sieunnie, huh?” He joked again.
Sieun’s mind blanked. Repeating the words. He could only focus on the my. My Sieunie. His heart rate picked up a pace and he felt his cheeks reddening.
“I needed to make sure you woke up. I needed to see you.” I never wanted to leave you behind. You were always on my mind.
Suho nodded, a solemn smile on his lips.Doctor Seo interrupted gently again, “It’s lunch time now Suho, we’re going to take you inside now, and take a few more tests. Is that okay?” She asked kindly.
“What kind of tests?” Sieun felt himself interrupting, worry blooming in his mind.
“Nothing severe, just a few blood tests to make sure Suho’s body is coping well, as well as letting us know if there is anymore risks.”
“Stop worrying Sieun, I’m okay now.” He glanced back to Sieun’s friends, two were conversing with eachother while another was watching from afar. “You can go hang with your friends, and i’ll let you know how it goes, hm? you don’t want to keep them waiting too long.” Suho said with a soft tone.
Sieun immediately tightened his grip on Suho’s hand. “No.” He said with a stern tone. Suho’s eyes widened as he looked at Sieun’s face welling with tears again. “I mean. I want to come. I don’t want to-“
He chocked on his words again.
Suho understood. He always did.
“Okay. Let’s go then.” The younger boy said, releasing his hand a little as Doctor Seo began to move to push the wheelchair. “Atleast tell your friends? I want to meet them soon, make sure they’re good enough.” Suho teased again. Sieun smiled, warmth spreading in his chest.
“Mhm.”
He pulled out his phone and messaged Baku, saying he was going in with Suho, and he’d let them know how it’s going later.
‘Got it bro. Say hello for us! Can’t wait to meet this famous Suho ;D’
Sieun pushed the phone into his pocket again and caught up with Suho and Doctor Seo. There that feeling was again, one he only felt with Suho, a fluttering in his chest, making him feel so light.
—
The tests finished up quickly, consisting of blood samples, electroencephalogram, temperature, heart rate and blood pressure. Suho had the last three taken regularly, a nurse often coming in to take note of the results. After the blood tests, Suho was put on an IV as he still malnourished. Sieun felt a pang of pain himself as he watched Suho flinch at the feeling of the cannula.
It was back to just Suho and Sieun in the room. They were told Suho’s grandma had picked up and was on her way now, she seemingly cried on the line, Suho’s own eyes teared up knowing he would get to see her.
Thousands of words were whirling around Sieun’s mind. So many things to say, but Sieun was never good with his words. He never knew how to express himself, how to talk confidently, he didn’t understand how Suho did it with such ease as he ranted about all the things the nurses had told him.
“-told me i’m lucky to have no severe brain damage, yknow! I mean, it’ll take months for me to walk again though, I feel like a baby. Having to learn to care for myself again. I mean i thought walking was pretty easy! I-“
“I’m sorry.” Sieun blurted out. He couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t take it anymore. Each word was a jab at his heart, piercing deeper.
He didn’t understand how Suho was saying all these things like it was okay, like Sieun hadn’t ruined his life, how he probably wont be able to fight again, or maybe never ride a motor bike again. How is Suho not angry, how is he not demanding Sieun to tell him what happened. How is he carrying this so lightly.
It made him angry knowing Suho wasn’t, he felt his rage for him.
It hurt more knowing it was a front. Sieun knew better. He knew Suho was hurting, in more ways than one, and he was trying to cope, joke about the situation, take it lightly. Just as he always did.
Sieun felt so weak in comparison, he had no strength to hide how he really felt.
“I’m so sorry, Suho.” He cried out, nails digging into his palms.
Suho stayed silent for a moment, watching as tears flood down Sieun’s face and he avoided his gaze.
“Yah.” He said, voice raising to get Sieun’s attention. He refused, gaze focused on the floor like some kind of gravitational pull. “Yeon Sieun.” He tried again firmer, “look at me.”
Sieun weakly raised his head, unable to deny him, looking at Suho but avoiding his eyes like he’d get turned into stone.
“I may not remember everything. But memories keep coming back, and I know you didn’t do this. What are you apologising for? You weren’t the one who fought me, no one forced me to do it. I did.” Suho tried to tell him, not once had he blamed Sieun. The nurses had told him he got into a fight, he doesn’t remember the fight, or even going there, but he remembers Sieun getting hurt. He remembers him hiding his broken arm behind his back. He connected the rest of the dots. Suho felt pathetic that he let himself get beat. “This was on me.” He breathed out, shaky.
Sieun shook his head. Reaching for Suho’s hand again to ground himself. His words spilled out uncontrollably.
“No, no it wasn’t. I should’ve realised, I should’ve known what you were going to do. I should’ve stopped you. I should’ve tried harder to help you and Beomseok- I should’ve listened, told you to ignore him, if I had he wouldn’t have- you wouldn’t have- If you never became friends with me, helped me, none of this would have happened. You would still have the attendance award you wanted, you would be living your life-“
“What, living lonely and tired? Watch you get bullied everyday and do nothing like the asshole I was!?” Suho interrupted, frustration lacing his words. Sieun flinched, pausing immediately. “Sieun, you have no idea how much our friendship means to me, do you? They hurt you. How was I going to let them get away with it. I would never change anything even if this ended worse.”
Even If i died.
Sieun breathed heavily, trying to process all the words that was dropped on him like a bomb. The relief he felt, knowing Suho didn’t regret anything. How could anyone care for him that much? How could anyone fight like that for hi. Why did Suho do it, why did it mean so much to him? Not even his parents cared about him growing up, fighting about him and regretting their choices to have a child right infront of him. And now there was someone who sacrificed their life for him?
It was too hard to process, to understand. He inhaled a shaky breath trying to make sense of it. He looked back down, squeezing his eyes shut to stop the streams of salty water. Warmth spread through him as he felt Suho’s thumb caressing his rough, scarred hand.
Minutes passed as Sieun processed everything, endless thoughts flickering in his mind. Until he realised maybe he didn’t need to understand it. He would’ve done the same for Suho, he did do, the same for Suho. He gave them a lesson.
“You’re crazy.” Sieun finally spoke out, causing laughter to belt off the walls.
“Woahh, coming from you? That’s rich.”
Sieun looked up and saw the smile he hadn’t seen in too long. A teasing grin, teeth showing and his eyes crinkled. Sieun smiled back.
“Anyway, you have to tell me about those guys. What do you mean the bookworm made friends by himself?! I’m in disbelief.” Suho joked, but Sieun could sense a tone of unsettlement on his friends face.
“Someone taught me how great it is to have friends.”
The corner’s of Suho’s lips raised.
“Yeah, guess no one can be as good as me, even after all this time.” He joked, avoiding Sieun’s eyes. Sieun let out a small laugh. “But cmon, invite them in!” He encouraged.
Sieun nodded and sent a text to their group chat. He told Sieun briefly about how they became friends. not wanting to delve too much into the details of the fights and violent aspect. Suho tensed as Sieun mentioned it.
“It’s okay now though, right? No more fights?”
Sieun shook his head. “It’s over, for good, no more.”
Suho nodded, and a knock at the door echoed. The door opened revealing the mentioned boys.
“Hello.” Baku was first to greet, bowing towards to Suho as he walked in the room, Hyuntak and Taejun followed closely behind and greeted him too.
“You must be Suho, it’s nice to finally meet you!” Hyuntak spoke, a smile on his face. “I’m Hyuntak, this is Juntae and the big door is Humin.”
Humin turned at this, face offended, “Door?!” He was blankly ignored, followed by a snicker from Juntae.
Suho smiled at this, “Nice to meet you all, I see you’ve taken care of Sieun-ah.”
“Of course! He’s a great guy! A little bit of a weirdo though.” Baku barked out, and Suho laughed.
“Tell me about it.”
Sieun should’ve been insulted but instead he smiled, feeling so euphoric.
Baku, Hyuntak and Juntae were amazing friends, made Sieun felt welcome and happy, but something was always missing, someone, a person who filled the hole in his heart. And now they were all together, talking loudly among themselves, and Sieun never felt so complete. His grip not letting up of Suho’s hands, a smile on his face as he watched his friends get to know eachother.
He met eyes with Juntae who shifted his gaze to their hands and smiled, ‘you okay?’ he mouthed, and Sieun nodded, because yes, he had never felt more okay.
Baku and Suho got on as well as Sieun thought they would. Their big personalities coming up to par, well almost, Sieun could tell Suho was getting tired, the way his grip loosened and he rested further on the bed rather than sitting up. It was no surprise, he wasn’t the same guy with infinite stamina anymore, he needed to recover.
They boys spoke about their lives at school, part time jobs, Hyuntak ranted about their time in community service and how Sieun was so unimpressed and had to dress up. This earned laughs from Suho who would’ve ‘killed to see that’. Baku was shocked to hear that Suho was an mma fighter in the past, respect for the boy growing stronger. Baku was starting to understand why Suho was so important to Sieun.
The three Eunjang boys muttered between themselves for a moment and Suho let his head fall back completely. Sieun tapped his hand to gain his attention, “Tired?”
“Mhm.” He agreed, eyes growing heavy.
“Get some rest.” He said, the boys on the other side of the bed heard the interaction and took it as their queue to start getting ready to leave.
“Was nice to meet you Suho-shi! I’m sure we’ll see you again.” Juntae smiled, the other two agreeing, Suho gave a small nod as a response not having the energy for much else. The boys understood and took their leave, Baku giving Sieun a pat on the shoulder as he walked away.
“They were nice, I’m glad.” Suho whispered, shifting his head to Sieun.
“Mm, thought you’d get along with them.” Sieun said quietly.
Suho was almost drifting off to sleep when the door opened again, he was expecting a nurse to come run some more tests, but the thought was interrupted.
“Oh Suho. My Suho-ya.” A fragile, weak voice echoed throughout the room. The reaction was fast, Suho immediately sat up, looking to the door.
“Grandma.” He said, eyes wide.
“Oh my Suho.” She ushered over quickly, Sieun shifted out the way. She raised both her wrinkled hands cautiously to Suho’s face cupping his cheeks. “My boy, thank god, I was so scared. You’re okay? How are you feeling? Do you need anthing? I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner, my phone was dead I was making some food-“
Suho teared up and shook his head with a smile, he brought both his hands to hold over his shaking grandma’s.
“I’m okay. It’s okay, calm down.”
The two broke down in tears clutching at one another. Sieun watched with a soft stare.
Sieun hadn’t seen Grandma since the accident first happened. He didn’t have the heart to face her, the guilt eating away at him as she watched her cry and pray for her grandson. She looked older, she had lost more hair, deep purple circles under her eyes matching his own. He knows the distress she had been in. He suddenly regretted not going to visit her too.
The two rekindled for a while before Grandma finally turned her attention to Sieun.
“Ah Sieun-ah, are you okay? I haven’t heard from you since your accident.”
Suho’s eyes brows quirked down at this, listening in.
“I’m okay now. I’m sorry for not contacting.” He admitted with shame.
“Aish no worry, as long as you’re okay.”
Grandma settled down on a chair on the other side of Suho’s bed, taking his hands in her smaller ones, stroking his palm tenderly.
“You tell Grandma if you need anything, I knew you’d wake up. Always been a fighter.”
Suho smiled, “Of course, who’d take care of you?”
She made a firm face, “Yah, you know your grandma is independent! Hush, now get some rest.” He said giving him a small pinch with a scowl.
“Ah-Ah! I was joking I know., look at you, hurting your sick Grandson!” Suho pouted and Sieun laughed aloud at the interaction, a small exhale. Suho turned to him and he quickly tried to straighten his face, it failed miserably and he erupted into a grin as Suho peered at him.
“Sorry.” Sieun said, insincerely. Suho rolled his eyes, but a small smirk rested on his lips.
Suho’s grandma huffed, shaking her head. “Get some rest now Suho, I can see you’re tired.”
“Okay.”
Suho finally allowed himself to relax, surrounded by his two most loved people. Despite sleeping for months it felt like he had been awake for years, trying to swim out the ocean during the storm. It felt like the fight had never ended until now. His eyes burned and muscles ached, he finally allowed himself to close his eyes and rest properly.
—
Time passed and Sieun visited everyday, his friends would tag along too, around 2 days a week. They started to form a better bond with Suho and get to know him well, soon Suho’s unsettlement with the new people subsided. He welcomed the new company, but always clung to Sieun whenever possible. A finger holding his jacket, a hand in his, sometimes even pulling him to sit on his bed with him.
Sieun wasn’t too bothered by this, in fact he embraced it. Suho was always a touchy person, before he often swung an arm around his shoulders, pulled Sieun’s arms around him when they were on the motorbike, ruffled his hair, and now he was even more clingy.
It was normal. The nurses explained to Sieun that Suho was also battling trauma. He may act strong but he was scared. Becoming clingy was often a thing trauma induced patients resulted too. So Sieun acted just as clingy back, he was equally as afraid. Terrified of losing Suho again.
He was never overly comfortable with physical contact in the past but with Suho it was okay, it was even nice. It always had been, even before. Warmth would spread through his body and his chest fluttered like there were gentle butterflies inside, a feeling he only got with Suho. He felt nothing similar when Baku touched his hair or leant over him. Not that he disliked it, he just didn’t enjoy it compared to touch with Suho.
His hands were soft in his own, and it was comfortable. Sieun always knew Suho was different he just didn’t know why. He didn’t know why he allowed his gaze to linger on the man’s sculpted face longer than the rest. He didn’t know why they had moments where they were far too close; eyes wondering eachothers for minutes at a time, moments so fragile even a loud breath could break them.
After the accident Sieun stopped questioning why. He finally came to terms with the fact he didn’t need to understand everything.
As weeks passed Sieun watched Suho make progress with his physical therapy. He watched the boy as he pushed himself passed his limits to learn to walk confidently again, to gain strength in his arms to lift things again. It was a struggle sometimes, for Suho to even lift chopsticks to his mouth when he first woke up. Sieun could tell how deeply it affected him, how he tried to suppress his groans of frustration and cries of pain as he arms shaked doing such simple activities.
It hurt Sieun, but it made him proud of how strong Suho was. How amazing he was. Weeks were passing and his strength was restringing itself, connecting to the right places. Suho could eat confidently, pick things up he needed and began to feel steadier on his feet.
He wasn’t at all paralysed, the nurses explained that Suho’s brain almost short circuited itself; it’s forgotten how to things, but it will remember again, and it will be normal again with time and hard work.
Suho still relied on a wheelchair or crutches quite heavily but he was getting there, he would get there. Suho had always been a fighter.
Sieun trudged up the stairs, bag from cram school resting on his back. He signed in at the reception, it felt nice to not walk into the ICU to visit his friend now, instead a less intense ward. Suho was still on seizure watch; and had brain scans regularly, but it wasn’t as overbearing as the intensive care unit.
He walked into Suho’s room, quickly seeing that his friend was not in his bed and the wheelchair was still situated in its usual spot. Panic flooded through his limbs for just a moment.
“Sieun-ah!” He heard Suho call, he quickly looked to the side to see Suho standing, clutching onto the rail on the wall of the room, by himself.
Sieun’s eyes widened and he panicked. He quickly rushed over, hands immediately going to support Suho.
“What are you doing? There’s no one here to help you right now?!” He exclaimed, a little more stern that he wanted it to sound.
Suho frowned, eyebrows furrowing.
“I’m not weak Sieun I can do it! I’m doing it fine by myself.”He huffed, trying to bat Sieun’s hands away but the elder wasn’t having it.
“I know you’re not- But what if you fall and no one is there to help. You don’t want to push yourself too much-“
“Yah. Seriously, you sound like my grandma. I’m not some broken person, do you not know how bored I am sitting around here doing nothing all day? I don’t even have my phone. I need to get better Sieun, I need to learn so i can get out of here!” Suho shouted, and Sieun flinched, eyes welling with tears. He felt frustrated, so angry that Suho was still not being careful. He felt himself tense, as he looked up at Suho.
“How is doing dangerous things going to help you get out of here? What if something goes wrong and you’re right where you started again? You need to stop being reckless!” Sieun returned, Suho gripped the side rails harder, inhaling a shaky breath.
“You think that little of me?” Suho spoke smaller this time, hands shaking. Suddenly Suho did look so fragile, so hurt. Sieun’s heart clenched, how could he ever think he was weak. The shorter boy closed his eyes and took a breath, understanding Suho’s emotions.
Sieun moved one hand to Suho’s face, turning him to look at him. To most, Sieun’s face would look normal, if not, angry, but to Suho he could see the worry pooling in his eyes, the corners of his lips etched downwards in gentle concern.
“No. You’re the strongest person I know Suho. I’m just worried, I don’t want you to get hurt again. It haunts me. Please, can you be careful?” He whispered, hand moving from cupping Suho’s cheek to his nape, playing with the loose strands.
“Yeah, okay, I’m sorry for snapping.”
“Me too.” Sieun mumbled as he helped Suho back to the bed. He took one hand in his the other on his waist as Suho took shaky steps.
“You’re getting a lot better.” He commented, watching as his strides became more confident.
“Mhm, I have a good assistant.” He grinned at Sieun, admiring the way his cheeks flushed a little red.
Sieun never felt like was a good talker, he never was. But when he felt surges of panic and worry towards Suho, he felt as though he couldn’t stop talking. It was odd, for someone so emotionally constipated to pour out all the feelings in their head.
Suho managed back on the bed, pulling Sieun up with him. Well, more like motioning for him to join, not having the strength to pull like he could before. Sieun got the message, shuffling onto the bed next to Suho. Their arms and legs squished together, only the sounds of their breathing filled the room.
Tiredness caught up to Sieun, his eyes felt heavy from the long day at school then cram school, he hadn’t slept much the night before. While the nightmares had subsided, he was still so worried about Suho, worried that he would get to the hospital and Suho would have been struck by a seizure. But now he felt calm, Suho was beside him, doing just fine, staring up at the ceiling before shifting his gaze.
“Long day?” Suho asked, hand reaching for Sieun’s. The shorter boy just hummed in response, shifting even closer to Suho. The younger boy moved his arms and pulled Sieun into him. Normally Sieun would back away, worried about hurting Suho or being too heavy, but this time he allowed it. He allowed himself to snuggle into Suho, head resting on his chest.
This way he could hear the beating of Suho’s heart. It would’ve panicked him, hearing it beat faster than it should’ve been, but he realised his was beating all the same. He exhaled a content sigh, his eyes closed on their own. He immediately fell asleep with the gentle touch of Suho’s fingers in hair, exhaustion taking over.
He was awoken by Suho later, shaking his shoulders and muttering his name. “Sieun-ah, Sieunie.” The mentioned boy groaned, trying to snuggle further into whatever he was lying on. Suho laughed, hand travelling up from his back and to his face. Sieun felt a trail of hottness on the path Suho left, cheeks warming as he felt the hand cup his cheek and raise it.
In a sleep induced state Sieun opended his eyes and glared up at Suho, not impressed from having his peaceful sleep interrupted. He pouted, and let out a groan.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you. If it was up to me i’d have you sleep there for as like you’d like.” He grinned, a teasing tone to his voice. “But visiting hours are over, the nurse already gave us an extra half an hour.” He had a sheepish smile on his face and Sieun eyes’s widened. Visiting hours ended at 11, he had been asleep for over 3 hours? The nurses had also come in mutiple times and seen Sieun fast asleep on the patients bed. He was ready to die right there.
“Ah right, sorry- I don’t even know why i fell asl-“ Sieun immediately began to shift away sitting up. Suho interrupted him, hand moving to his arm.
“It’s okay. You looked exhausted. Go get some more rest at home; yeah?” He smiled, that devastatingly sweet smile. Sieun couldn’t help but let his gaze linger a little longer than it should’ve, eyes being pulled to his slightly chapped lips. An instruive thought crossed Sieun’s mind which had his cheeks flushing even deeper. He quickly pulled away when he realised and nodded. He hopped off the bed and grabbed his bag.
He hadn’t even noticed the matching shade on Suho’s cheeks.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Suho said, looking over at the elder. Sieun felt a sudden sense of deja vu.
“Yeah. See you tomorrow.” He replied, certainty on his face as he slung the bag over his shoulder.
He left the room, face burning, why did he want to kiss Suho?
The answer would find him quicker than Sieun anticipated. A few days had passed, per usual routine, Sieun was walking to Suho’s room up the stairs. He signed in and opened the door to the room. He saw an unexpected sight as he looked over to his friend.
Teary eyes met his. Sieun felt his heart contract, he shifted his gaze and noticed a phone in Suho’s hand. His phone. His grandma must’ve finally found it. Sieun’s heart pounded as he realised Suho would now see the endless messages he sent everyday, how he wished he would wake up, how he couldn’t sleep at night, how he got into fights again, how much he missed him.
“Sieun-ah.” Suho called out, a soft smile on his lips. “I made you worry so much, I’m sorry.” He said, a tear dropping down his face.
Sieun’s heart ached. He had never seen Suho cry, ever. Even when he was frustrated with physical therapy, even when he struggled to do basic tasks, not even the time he got beat and kidnapped by Gilnam. Sieun shook his head, in a way to say ‘no, it wasn’t your fault.’
He walked over to the bed and Suho immediately discarded the phone and tugged Sieun to him. He pulled him with the greatest strength the elder had seen him use yet. He leant down on the bed, allowing himself to get dragged down. Suho was holding him tight.
“You had such a hard time, huh?” He ushered, moving away just a little, just so their faces were inches apart, breaths intertwining. Suho’s hand travelled to Sieun’s face, thumb caressing the apple of his cheek and the elder felt frozen. He had never felt more tense, more hot, he could feel the pounding of his heart trying to escape his chest.
“Did you read everything?” He heard himself asking over the beating of his heart, cautiously.
“Mh. You really didn’t want to let me go, huh?” Suho said with a gentle laugh, ears burning. Tension rose in the air, not an uncomfortable kind, one full of uncertainty and desperation.
“How could I?” Sieun whispered, voice so quiet no one could hear unless you were just centimetres apart.
Suho eyes did the rest of the talking, maybe it was a thank you, maybe it was a I'm sorry, his eyes sung a thousand unheard melodies and Sieun wanted to hear every one. The raven haired breathed out, his warm breath hitting the latter’s lips. The shorter tried to surpress a shiver from running down his spine.
Suho gently shifted his hand, cupping at his chin. Thumb resting over it and tilting his head. Sieun felt a strong sense of Deja Vu, like he was at the gym, Suho teaching him how to fight again. But this time it was calm, there was no one to fight anymore. it was just him and Suho. No one after them, no one with a burning hatred in mind. This revelation made Sieun want to cry, but he didn’t have time to do that when Suho shifted his thumb to his bottom lip, gently brushing over it.
Sieun’s heart stopped, it felt like. He knew his face was flushed red and he had no answer to give if Suho asked why. You make me feel weird. Like i don’t want anyone else to know you.
Suho pulled at the shorter’s bottom lip, letting out a gentle sigh.
“Sieunie. Please, push me away if i’m reading this wrong.”
Sieun didn’t move, not one inch, if anything he wanted to move closer, so that’s what he did. Their noses bumped, and Suho smiled, a small gentle smile. He moved his thumb away, hand going back to cup at Sieun’s jaw.
Finally, finally, Suho shifted so their lips met. A tidal wave of relief flooded over the pair; and their lips moved in a clumsy manner. It was just gentle pecks at first, but the yearning caught up. Sieun had never kissed anyone, never even dreamed of it. He didn’t know what he was doing and that thought suddenly caught up to him. He wanted to panic, pull away and tell Suho he didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t get a chance too, the thought was interrupted when he felt Suho pulling him closer, kissing him with more confidence and guiding Sieun’s lips with ease.
Sparks were setting off in Sieun’s stomach, his hand flew up and grabbed purchase on Suho’s shirt, the other grabbing his shoulder.
They kissed for minutes; Sieun felt light headed and dizzy. He never understood the appeal of kissing until now, a surge of butterflies and warmth spread throughout his body, he felt relaxed, content, and he allowed Suho to do whatever he wanted, trusting him entirely.
They broke away after a little while, foreheads resting against eachother with gentle pants.
“Fuck, I’ve wanted to do that for so long. Even before.” Suho suddenly confessed and Sieun flushed an even deeper red.
Sieun had to admit, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind until the last few days, but he knows if Suho kissed him sooner, not an inch of his body would’ve refused. His heart swelled knowing that Suho had wanted to do that, months ago.
He wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. Nor what his own feelings meant. All he wanted was Suho, to be close to him, that’s all that mattered.
Sieun smiled, shifting and hiding his face in the crook of Suho’s neck. The younger boy chuckled at the shy reaction. He leant back onto the bed and pulled Sieun into a familiar position. The elder clinging at his side as he still hid in Suho’s neck, his gentle breath making goosebumps rise on Suho’s skin.
They were intertwined with one another, happy and content. Despite his condition, Suho had never felt so completed.
—
The pair never labelled their relationship, never felt the need to. They were content by each others side and knew no one was as important to them as the other.
It was clear to everyone, especially Sieun’s friends. Well, you could also say Suho’s friends now too!
Months had gone past and Suho was finally admitted out of hospital. He returned to living with his Grandma, but would often crash at Sieun’s place. The old streets would haunt him, everything a walking reminder of what happened. His bike parked outside, still broken, felt like a slap on the face. As much as Suho tried to play strong, Sieun saw through it.
Sieun saw it when Suho would wake in the middle of the night, frantic and panting, looking around the room. He saw it when Suho zoned out for too long, staring at a fixed space and harshly flinching when Sieun pulled him out of it. Sieun saw it when the younger would clutch at him, bring him into his arms and say nothing. He would see it when Suho would lay in bed all day, not even having the energy to get up.
It hurt Sieun, but he knew they’d get through it. He wouldn’t leave Suho’s side, he wouldn’t let him suffer again.
Thus, Suho would often be around Eunjang, hanging with Sieun and his friends. He was still using crutches to support his legs, his arms regained strength much quicker than them, but he was getting there. He could walk a while without needing them, such as around the apartment, but not long distances. Sieun always kept a close eye on the boy.
The three friends could tell that Sieun felt strongly to Suho, even before he woke up. Baku had heard his story first hand, the guilt Sieun felt, how he spoke out to Suho in his concussive state after a fight, how he ditched their hangouts everyday to visit the boy. He was there when Sieun woke up from his own coma and he wanted to do was get to Suho. Anyone who watched the two for longer than a minute would see they belonged to eachother.
Baku got along with Suho greatly, the two bonding over their love for food but fighting over what was better. Baku admired Suho’s caring and positive outlet on things, even after all he indured. He related to him, understood. He much felt like his relationship with Na Baekjin was similar to Suho’s and the friend neither of the two have named. The word stinging their tongues.
The three knew the two were just, a little bit, more than friends. The lingering stares, the kisses Suho would plant on Sieun’s head when he thought no was around, the way Sieun would stick to the taller’s side no matter what.
Baku was relieved, he knew what it was like to lose someone so important to him. He didn’t know what would’ve happened to Sieun if Suho didn’t wake up. He watched them with an admiring gaze as they play fought over something, Suho pulling his arm and ruffling his hair, Sieun pushing away and grabbing at his hands, a real, big smile on his face. And Suho, well, the light in Suho’s eyes was blinding. Humin smiled, even as Hyuntak came over and threw an arm over his shoulder. He sniffed, leaning into Baku.
“They’re cute, aren’t they?” He observed, following Humin’s gaze.
“Yeah, and strong. So so strong.”