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Andrew didn't know it was Neil that kept his nightmares at bay, and he didn't suspect that the demons would come crawling back to torture him when Neil wasn't in his arms.
Neil was passed out on one of the bean bags next to an intoxicated Nicky, and even though he was only feet away from Andrew, the blonde still felt like his demons were suffocating him. Images of Drake and his previous foster homes flashed before his eyes, along with the picture Cass crying over her dead son's body. He thought of Aaron and his mother, smashing her fists against defenseless Aaron. He thought of her mangled body twisted violently after he killed her in a car wreck. Andrew thought of all the thoughts that hurt him the most, but he couldn't stop. He thought of the feel of Drake's body on top of him and he felt himself grow nauseous.
Andrew crept out of the bedroom and stood over Neil's asleep body, he looked so peaceful and gentle. Andrew felt like he was going to lose his dinner. Silently, he slipped out of the dorm room and went to the roof for some fresh air or to escape his thoughts, he didn't know which and he didn't really care.
Andrew felt like throwing something. He felt like trashing a place and destroying everything in his path. He was upset at his nightmares and everyone who ever let him down. He felt like choking Kevin because he only ever cared about Exy and it was getting annoying. He was mad at his waisted years on his fucking medicine that made him seem like a sociopath. He was pissed at Neil for letting him fall for the stupid, reckless boy always on the run. He was pissed that he always swore that he didn't need anyone or anything, but deep down he wanted nothing more than to be with Neil.
Andrew was angry, and desperate for a release. He had a sudden urge to jump off of this damn roof, and he would've if he hadn't felt the pull on his wrist. He turned his head and saw the alertness in Neil's piercing blue eyes. Neil once told him that those were his father's eyes, full of hatred and blood, but Andrew only saw beauty and delicacy.
Neil was always delicate with Andrew, as if he was trying to smooth out the jagged edges of Andrew. Andrew wanted to hate him for it, but he could never hate Neil.
"Don't look at me like that," Andrew spat at him, though harmlessly. Neil pulled him down from the edge of the roof.
"Well, it looked like you were contemplating jumping, so how else am I supposed to look at you, Andrew?!" Neil spat, but Andrew knew he wasn't angry with him. He couldn't explain it, but he knew. He always knew with Neil.
Andrew stayed silent and looked at Neil, and he hated himself as he felt his bored expression drop, and something else take its place. It wasn't right, it didn't feel right to feel this exposed to someone.
Neil's irritated expression dropped as well, and he just studied the blonde with curious and concerned eyes. He grabbed Andrew's other wrist, both were exposed because he didn't bother putting on his arm bands before he left. Neil studied the faint scars covering his pale forearms, running thumbs ever so softly over the jagged self-destruction.
Neil slowly bent his head to kiss the white lines, and Andrew tensed, feeling completely exposed. He wanted to disappear, and to never be found again. But he also wanted Neil to find him, fix him, build him into the man he deserved.
"Neil, I--" Andrew whispered. He felt the urge to push him away, but he felt too broken to even flinch when Neil's hand hovered above his jaw bone.
"Shhhh," Neil silenced him, looking at him with the brightest blue eyes. "Yes or no?" Neil whispered, his face coming closer to his own.
"Y-yes." Andrew stuttered, and felt himself fall into Neil's grasp. They kissed tenderly, they've only ever had this tender of a kiss when Neil came back from his father's evil hold.
Andrew wanted to drown in Neil, but Neil pulled away before Andrew could dive in to him, he still had his sturdy hand on Andrew's jaw, cupping his face.
"Let's go back to bed, Andrew." He said softly, dropping his hand down from his face to his hand, and guided them back to their room.
Everyone was still fast asleep, Andrew glanced at the kitchen clock and it read back 4:43. He suddenly felt exhausted, like the world was lifted from his shoulders temporarily. Neil led them to their shared bed and layed down next to the trembling Andrew.
Neil wasn't touching Andrew at all besides holding his hand, but Andrew needed more, he craved for Neil even if his memories and stomach protested.
Andrew pulled the boy closer much to Neil's surprise, and Neil held him tighter than ever. Andrew fell asleep with his head pressed against Neil's heart, the rhythm of his heartbeat a beautiful lullaby.