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It was late, the dorm apartment was crowded, and Toge was thinking about leaving.
He came with Panda, who was hopelessly seeking the attention (and affections) of Nobara who was clearly more interested in Maki but either didn’t connect that Panda was after a romantic relationship or was holding out hope he’d catch on without her having to come out and say it and let the guy down. Right now the three of them were (awkwardly, in the case of Panda) dancing. Toge was invited, pleadingly by Maki to put some space between Panda and Nobara because they were technically roommates after all, but Toge just shook his head and gestured to the couch with his thumb. Maki had given him a deathly glare and oh boy, if looks could kill Toge would have keeled over right there. But he was on the sunken loveseat, either from a second hand store or scavenged from the roadside, beside some dark haired guy who's been on his phone the entire time while a girl sat on the couch arm, mouth running a mile a minute, apparently unaware that Toge was there or uncaring.
“Dance with me,” the girl demanded.
She had short hair in a pixie cut, wearing a cropped sweater and leggings. Your typical Friday night, “I’m-Not-Trying-To-Hook-Up” wear and Toge figured that was why the guy had tuned her out. That and the prevalence of talking badly about her friends which didn’t bode well for her speaking kindly about him when he wasn’t around if things did get serious.
“Nah,” the guy said, looking up from his phone finally. “You go ahead.”
“Loser,” she sneered, but there was a fondness to it that suggested she wasn’t put off by it but got up and left. Maybe they weren’t here as a couple. Or maybe they were an old couple that’d been together since high school and could say such things without backlash.
“That’s me,” the guy agreed.
The girl jumped off the couch arm and gave him her middle finger, showing off chunky, gauche gold rings on her fingers, and went off to the dance floor as the moody music the aspiring DJ was pumping out of his JBL speaker changed to something just as moody but slightly more upbeat. The guy shifted and his knee bumped Toge’s. He had the typical, annoying manspreading issue that Toge wasn’t making a big deal out of because he didn’t want to cause issues. He had his own legs crossed, mostly to make room for the guy’s legs. He was courteous like that. Sometimes. When Yuji or Nobara weren’t around to jump in and be his voice.
“Oh, sorry man,” the guy said, glancing at him.
He looked… kinda scummy. Overgrown and messy black hair but his eyes were the deepest shade of blue that Toge had ever seen. There was a clarity to them, too. Like he might not have been a total sleazeball, even if he kind of looked like one in his leather jacket with his disheveled hair. Toge pressed his lips together into that ‘sorta-smile’ he used at the grocery store when he accidentally bumped into another stocker. He worked nights, restocking with a small team that included Yuji. He didn’t have to speak because it was after Martie’s closed and it wasn’t an issue. His boss and supervisor were cool about it, too. It had been tough explaining it. Toge barely remembered it but it had its lasting impact to say the least. It felt like oversharing even though he had to share to request such an accommodation.
“You’re not into the party scene either, huh?” the guy carried on. “I’m not, really. I’d rather be reading.” Was that what he was doing? Now that Toge thought about it, he’d been focused on his phone, not typing or tapping. “But Rika insisted so… Here I am. Who brought you? Assuming you don’t live here. I hope you don’t, that would be a nightmare.”
This was an infamous party crib. Toge would hate to have parties hosted in his personal space though the people who lived in the apartment (tried) to barricade their doors so no one hooked up (or passed out) in their beds. But Toge was stuck in a familiar position of not being able to communicate with someone. So he signed, to clarify, aware the guy likely wouldn’t understand, “I’m mute. I came with friends.”
The guy watched his hands, looking uncertain. “Oh, man, sign. Okay. Uh… I don’t recognize some of it but… friends I recognize. So I’m taking it, you came with friends?”
Toge nodded his head. He was impressed that the guy recognized anything.
“Ah, nice. Rika’s my friend too.” So not dating. Interesting. “Uh… Huh. This might be harder than I thought… You’re not deaf, right? I mean, hard of hearing? You heard my question and it’s pretty loud so… But I don’t want to assume…”
Yeah, things were getting weird. Things tended to when Toge came out as mute. People either seemed to think he was theatrical, odd, mentally ill, or a combination of all the above. They tended to talk to him like he was stupid or, like this guy, pick and choose their words in fear of offending him. Toge wanted to roll his eyes but he didn’t. He offered his kindest smile (kill ‘em with kindness, his mother told him when he was young and struggling to make friends because he couldn’t fucking talk to them) and signed very slowly, hoping it would help, “no, just can’t speak.”
“I got that one!” The guy grinned and then looked horrified. “I mean, it’s awful you can’t. I think. But… Sorry, that was insensitive.”
Toge’s smile turned amused. “You’re fine.”
“Slowness definitely helps, thank you,” the guy said. “Oh! I’m Yuta by the way. What’s your name?”
“T-O-G-E.” Toge had found it easiest to spell his name when asked. Some who used ASL used unique signs for their names but he was often only saying his own name once and it was easiest to spell it in his experience.
“Like toga but without the a? Or is it pronounced like… Toe-gee?” Yuta seemed to truly ponder it. “T-o-gee.”
“Toge, whose this?” Toge looked up, pleased with the provided pronunciation, and found Nobara, face flushed from being too close to others and dancing her skinny ass off, eyes narrowed as she took in the kind of scumbag look Yuta had. It made Toge laugh, soundlessly, and he signed his response.
“Just some guy who was sitting here.”
“Just some guy,” Yuta muttered, feigning offense.
Toge rolled his eyes. “His name is Y-U-T-A.”
“Oh, you’re Rika’s friend,” Nobara said, seeming more at ease.
“You know Rika?”
“Everyone knows Rika,” she replied with a snort. “You’re her weird antisocial friend who wouldn’t come with us to get boba.”
“I…” Yuta seemed taken off guard by her blatant honesty and Toge laughed again. If it had sound, it might have been vindication at seeing Yuta put in the hot seat. “I… I don’t think I’m weird, I’m… like an introvert or something.”
“Huh, you’d get along great with Megumi.” Nobara grabbed the drink that Toge had been guarding and took a swallow. “Be nice, Toge. I hear he’s fragile.”
Then she vanished back into the bodies in the living room while Yuta sputtered out protests. “Fragile? Fragile? What the fuck does – what does she mean fragile?”
Toge gave an exaggerated shrug that his wicked grin didn’t let up. Yuta scoffed and glared out on the floor. “She’s nice, huh? Makes a great first impression.”
Toge waited until Yuta looked at him, forgetting he wouldn’t respond verbally and glaring out at the crowd for a good minute before recalling. “She’s very opinionated.”
“I don’t know that last word but I suspect it’s bitchy.” He clearly knew it wasn’t.
“O-P-I-N-I-O-N-A-T-E-D.”
It took Yuta a second to string together the words, granted Toge spelled it slowly. “Oh. Well. I guess that’s one word for it.” He cast a look towards where she had vanished. “Rude, works too.”
Toge smiled and Yuta’s attention turned back on him. “So, not a partier then?” Toge shook his head no. “It’s overrated. I mean look at them, out there, sweating and hot and for what? Fun? I’d rather be still and cool, thanks.”
He really would get along well with Megumi, Toge thought to himself. He thought carefully about what to say. He could be blatant and honest – that partying was difficult when your vocal cords were cut. But that felt like oversharing although he was trying to be a bit less tight-lipped about it. But that was more around potential friends. Did that mean he considered this guy, he’d barely spoken to, as such? He had a very small friend group – it came along with not being able to speak. They were rather rag-tag but most everyone was well liked. Though everyone unanimously thought Toge was odd for never speaking, Maki was kind of a bitch, Yuji was an idiot, and Megumi could be an asshole… maybe it was more Nobara and Panda who were well liked, actually. Still, Toge could extend an olive branch tonight, see where it brought him. But when he got ready to give the brief rundown he decided against it. Too much, too soon.
“I hate being hot and sweaty,” he said after too long of a pause of indecision. He made up for it by posing a question. “What year are you?”
“What year am I?” Yuta verified and Toge nodded. “Junior. You?”
“Same.” A blank look. Toge mouthed the word as he said it.
“Oh, nice nice,” Yuta’s attention strayed back to the dance floor. Toge wondered if he was tired of talking to him already. It happened. It took a lot of effort to communicate without speaking to an untrained person and Toge was understanding of the fact that not everyone had time or patience for someone like him in their lives. If he wanted to go – or lapse into silence – Toge was okay with that. Disappointed, but okay.
“So, like, what did she mean fragile?” Toge’s face broke out into a smile. So that was what was distracting him. “Glad you’re amused.”
Toge pressed his lips together, trying to lessen the pleased smile on his face and shook his head. “It’s not funny. I just thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”
Yuta loaded for a moment, recalling what each gesture meant. “You think I didn’t want to talk to you?” he guessed. Toge nodded. “I don’t mind talking to you, Toge. It’s better than sitting in silence.” His face morphed with regret, likely comparing the fact that Toge sat permanently in silence, falling silent himself.
“Unfreeze, it’s over,” Toge signed.
“What’s… over?” he asked sheepishly. “Sorry, didn’t catch the first word. Spell it for me?”
Toge did so. “Oh. Oh! Uh, yeah. Sorry. I’m not… I’m not cultured with people who are… or have…” Yuta cleared his throat, uncomfortable but determined. “Um, honestly I planned to smoke. You in?”
Toge blinked, surprised by the change in pace. “Smoke?”
“Don’t know that one, sorry.”
Not surprising, assuming he learned in school. They equated the word to… well, what Yuta was inviting Toge to do. So Toge spelled the word and Yuta’s face broke out into a grin. “Yeah, man! I got some really good shit too. Grew it myself from seeds I got in Africa.” Toge blinked and Yuta misread it as judgment. “I”m not like… a dealer or anything. It's just… I get stressed out and have trouble sleeping and it helps a lot.”
“And at parties?”
“Parties? Yeah, here too, Toge.” Yuta leaned over slightly, towards Toge, as he removed a rolled joint from his pocket. Toge got a hint of his scent. He smelled of sandalwood, ozone, and something that Toge couldn’t quite put his finger on. He liked it a lot, actually. But then Yuta was putting appropriate space between them as the scent turned to a faint whiff and then nothing at all, joint secured between his index finger and thumb. “You in?”
Toge had yet to partake. His friends did but Toge hadn’t quite gotten around to gathering the courage to use Maki’s bong or Megumi’s overpriced THCA vape. Toge hemmed and hawed over it slightly. He’d imagined trying weed with someone he trusted, not a perfect stranger. Though he knew the guy’s name so they were more than strangers at this point. Possibly a budding friendship was forming! Agreeing would help that along surely but was Toge that desperate for another friend? He barely had time for the ones he had on top of work, his work study (totally separate), his classes, studying so he could keep his scholarship, and attempting to have some semblance of a social life to blow off some steam.
“I’ve never S-M-O-K-E-D before,” he said, speaking the word because he wasn’t sure that Yuta would remember the gesture from last time.
“Oh, it’s easy,” Yuta reassured him, but that wasn’t really what was holding Toge up. He imagined inhaling was simple. He did it constantly just breathing. “I’ll start it.”
People smoked and vaped in the apartment all the time. There was a wet towel already under the door in preparation for 420 enthusiasts as well as to help keep the noise from invading the hallway. The smoke alarm had been disconnected and jimmied up so that it passed inspections from lazy RAs who manned the building. Toge watched as Yuta picked up a BIC lighter from the pile of recovered ones in the middle of the coffee table and flicked it. A blaze of blue turned red and his features came into sharp focus as they were otherwise blurred by the low lighting. He had strong facial features and, really, he was quite attractive. Toge wondered if he was gay. He hoped he was gay because the man was fairly certain at this point he was himself was gay. Though he’d yet to act on it – in person; he’d had plenty of illicit online affairs since getting into college but he’d never meet these people because he refused phone calls or video calls as he didn’t want to burden them with his past; he knew it was disturbing for an unsuspecting person.
Toge watched as Yuta brought the flame to the rolled up and pinched tip of the joint and lit it briefly, inhaling so the flame caught and licked at the thin rolling paper and, most importantly, the fancy African herb inside. Yuta inhaled, smooth and even, just as his friends did, and Toge feared he wouldn’t be able to be as composed.
Yuta took the joint from his lips and held it out to Toge who gulped and accepted the small joint. The herb was fragrant, skunky but in a pleasant way with something sweeter to it that might have just been it mingling with Yuta’s cologne or detergent or aftershave or whatever he was wearing. Toge put the joint between his lips and wasn’t even put off to find the filter slightly damp from Yuta’s mouth.
“Now just inhale,” Yuta instructed in a calm, steady voice, a plume of smoke escaping his lips as he spoke.
Toge breathed in (mostly through his nose) and got no smoke. “Through your mouth, Toge.” There was a smile on his face. “Also, first, can I touch you?” Yuta asked suddenly and Toge looked at him in surprise. “I mean, like… to show you to sit so you don’t cough as much.”
Toge, hesitantly, nodded. Yuta shifted a bit closer and a large warm hand fell on his back, righting his posture a bit. It felt almost like a slight but knowing he was doing so to lessen embarrassing coughs redeemed the action. “Kind of… like, brace your middle.” Yuta was thoughtful. “Like you’re preparing to get hit in the stomach with something.”
Strange scenario but Toge did so. “Good. Now, try again – inhale through your mouth. You don’t need to hold it, you’ll get high regardless.”
Toge remembered, abruptly, that was where weed usage ended and realized he had no idea what to expect. He’d even declined the live resin gummies Megumi came back from his birthday trip to Canada with. He thought it was cool his adopted dad was willing to buy him shit from dispensaries but Megumi thought of it as the least the guy could do considering he spent very little time with him during the trip though it was meant to be them spending time together. But Gojo Satoru was a chronic workaholic with an eccentric on again off again partner who apparently was trying to start a cult. Megumi didn’t know the details – he didn’t care to, he wasn’t fond of Geto for whatever reason – but Toge was dying for the details. If it was cool, maybe he’d join.
But, the point was, he had no idea what being high felt like or how he’d behave. He knew it could cause behavioral changes. Megumi was more apt to joke around, Nobara was sleepier and more laid back, Panda, interestingly, seemed more energetic and chatty, and Yuji was chill and made clever jokes he typically wouldn’t make. Toge knew that some people reacted poorly to weed however, turning paranoid or nervous. That wasn’t the look that Toge was going for.
But he did as he was told, inhaling half a breath before what felt like flames scorched down into his lungs. He pulled the joint from his mouth, letting out a brief half-cough that he tried to stifle, so as not to draw attention to what they were doing (it was normal, sure, but Toge wasn’t keen on this private moment of experimentation being observed).
“I know, I know,” Yuta said quickly. “I know that the first hit is rough but the second will be much smoother.”
Toge was clutching the collar of his shirt, pulling it away from his throat as he exhaled the acrid smoke from his lungs. It was a small cloud, nothing to alter his mental state, and as his eyes watered, he glared at Yuta with something as close to betrayal as one could direct towards someone they were still getting to know.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Yuta said, some playfully. He took the joint from Toge who was pleased to let it go but a bit disappointed that it hadn’t worked out. Maybe he’d wanted to show off for Yuta a little bit. He could only blame those beautiful blue eyes. “I’ll help you.”
Toge finally managed to wheeze in some air and Yuta seemed surprised to hear any sound come from him. It would be easier if Toge could explain but he had always done so over messages or emails, never in person because he tended to get overwhelmed by it and sign too quickly to get the words out and over with and it was less polished and understandable. He could make some sounds. And, he supposed, he could speak as speech sounds were made in the mouth. But it came out as a gravelly, broken, painful whisper.
“Here,” Yuta said, putting the joint in his mouth, sharing saliva, and inhaling deeply. The tip burned furious red and dangerous and the man took the joint from his lips, looking at Toge with hooded eyes. In a strangled voice, trying to keep as much smoke in his lungs as possible, he said, “Open your lips slightly.”
Toge, confused, thought that he was going to put the joint back between them and talk him through inhaling properly. But instead Yuta leaned in. Toge went rigid, shocked, confused, and, perhaps, in anticipation. Then their lips were pressed together and Toge’s eyes popped wide, Yuta’s drifted shut, and he spoke against his lips. “Inhale Toge,” he instructed and Toge was powerless not to obey, simply out of shock.
He could feel the smoke entering his lungs but it felt less hot, though more moist thanks to the heat of Yuta’s mouth, and it went down much easier. It was a bigger hit than he would have taken for his first one though he imagined some of the potency was taken away by being in someone else’s lungs first.
He was almost disappointed when Yuta sat back, exhaling a bit of extra smoke he’d thought was too much for Toge, a pleased but kind of derpy smile on his face. “You can exhale,” he chuckled when Toge held onto the air, unsure what to do, frozen in place, lips tingling with the memory of Yuta’s mouth.
Toge did so, sagging forward slightly with a brief, half-hearted cough from the lack of experience with such a thick substance leaving his lungs. His head started to swim and he wasn’t sure if it was because he might have just had his first gay kiss or maybe it was the fact that he’d just taken his first hit of weed. Whatever it was, he felt slightly unsteady and melted back against the loveseat. Yuta chuckled and leaned back with him, taking another drag from his joint.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
Toge lifted his hands and they felt heavy as he signed, “O-K.”
“Just okay?” Yuta grinned at him. “This is some top tier shit, Toge. Maybe you need another hit.”
Toge wasn’t sure he needed more, he felt rather intoxicated but in an interesting, almost syrupy way. He understood, now, why Nobara liked to curl up in someone’s bed with her phone and watch TikToks or Reels. It sounded peaceful. He thought that this place was a bit much for how he felt right now. But he wasn’t going to ditch his friends – or Yuta, if he didn’t count yet – and he couldn’t pass up his chance at having his lips against Yuta’s again. He hesitated however, trying to be responsible.
Yuta was patient, exhaling the fragrant plume of smoke while he waited for Toge to answer. He finally nodded hesitantly. “Only if you’re sure,” said Yuta said quickly. “I don’t want to pressure you.”
Toge shrugged and then nodded his head. The music had shifted to something slower, the dreary, smokey voice from the singer filling his head, almost drowning out the sound of the party going on around them actively. “Okay,” Yuta said. “Do you want to shotgun again or do you want to try the joint?” He realized that Toge couldn’t answer verbally and he didn’t know the sign for “shotgun” and corrected himself. “One finger up if you want a shotgun – what we just did, which is me breathing the smoke into your mouth, two fingers up if you want to try the joint yourself.”
Toge felt like the right answer was to try by himself. But he was greedy, really. One became that way when they brushed death too close too young. They tended to want to take what they could, aware that they’d almost lost everything. So if he could bank another kiss with this handsome not-a-stranger… Yeah, he was going to take advantage. Sue him.
He lifted his heavy hand and held up one little finger for Yuta, watching him closely for distaste but the guy’s face, half hidden in shadows, just turned into a smile. “‘Kay,” he said. “It’s easier anyway for the first time.”
He took another inhale of the joint and Toge was about to sit up to receive the smoke with a braced middle but Yuta just slouched towards him, placing a cool, pale, powder dry finger on his cheek, turning his face so they were looking into each other’s eyes, brown meeting royal blue, and Yuta smiled before saying, “part your lips, Toge,” in a soft, personal voice that Toge was more than happy to do so. “Now breathe in.”
Their lips met again and the smoke, that now felt almost comfortingly warm, swirled into his lungs as they inhaled. It was a bigger hit – Yuta mustn’t have realized that Toge was pretty affected by the first one – but Toge handled it well, perhaps thanks to the soothing presence that Yuta, somehow, provided during this time of intoxication. Yuta pulled back but not after a few extra seconds of their mouths touching. Toge thought about kissing him but the feeling of smoke in his lungs was still queer to him and he had to expel it before he lapsed into coughs. Thankfully, Yuta seemed to know that and pulled back.
Toge sat up slightly to exhale the smoke and now his head was swimming. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation but it felt strange.
“How do you feel now?” Yuta asked.
Toge lazily presented a thumbs-up and it made Yuta laugh. “Good,” he said. “Good.”
Toge sat there a moment, feeling almost floaty but very aware of the couch under him that felt much more comfortable than it had previously. He thought about that old Above The Influence ad with the deflated girl and smiled to himself. He kind of felt like that. And to think, seeing the ad, he’d thought feeling like this must be terrifying. It wasn’t. It was almost… peaceful. It was like the little things he was worrying about before (his upcoming chemistry lab with a partner who was weird around him and communicated as little as possible; his unfinished accounting homework that he’d gotten an extension on twice but knew he wouldn’t get another and he needed to just go to fucking office hours and get help; issues at home between his estranged parents) felt so much smaller and more manageable. He was more focused on the here and the now.
And right now, that here and now was with Yuta. He never wished he could speak more than he did right now. He just wanted to ask Yuta a thousand questions. He wanted to get to know him. As a friend and, possibly, as something more. Surely they’d taken a mighty leap together. After all, it was Toge’s technical first gay kiss. If he could call it that.
Instead he just looked at Yuta and Yuta looked back at him. There was nothing but silence but it wasn't uncomfortable. It felt companionable.
“Sup loser.” Their moment was shattered by his friend, Rika, coming back. Toge made an effort to sit up, feeling caught for some reason. “Smoking without me? Asshole. Gimme that.”
She sat, not on the arm, but across Yuta’s lap and Toge hated the stab of jealousy that went through him. Maybe they weren’t dating but, instead, were friends benefits? Maybe Toge was barking up the wrong tree. Maybe shotgunning with another guy wasn’t gay. Maybe it meant nothing. He felt a wave of crushing disappointment and looked away as Rika took a drag from the joint.
“Shocked you’re not reading,” she commented and Toge glanced at them and regretted it because she had an arm around his neck, getting comfortable. Like she planned to stay. “You ready to go, I take it?”
“Uh, actually…” Toge had looked away but snuck a look back, pleased to find Yuta looking at him. “I was actually talking to my… friend.”
Friend. Well, that was better than nothing, right? So why did Toge feel so disappointed?
“Hm?” Rika tilted her head back and accidentally made eye contact with him. “Oh, you. You’re still here. You look baked, bro.”
Toge’s face flushed and he could do nothing but shrug. “He’s mute,” Yuta volunteered.
“No shit?” Rika sounded curious. “Damn. Okay. Well, fine, stay and… talk or whatever. I’m gonna go back to the apartment. You’re not gonna green out right?”
“When have I greened out in the past, like, two years?” Yuta asked, a touch defensively.
“When you ate that whole edible before Thanksgiving break and missed your flight,” she said cheekily but she got up. But not before ruffling the already messy hair, making Toge wonder if that was why it was so messy. “Have fun, Yuta. See ya, rando.”
She cut through the crowd – with the joint – and Yuta seemed to realize saying, “oh, that bitch,” but without any heat. “Eh, I’m high enough. You?” He looked at Toge who nodded, still feeling uncertain about their relationship. After all, if they lived together… “Cool. Good. Sorry about her calling you a rando. She’s… Well, I guess she’s like Nobara. Kinda of a bitch.”
Maybe Toge should have defended Nobara’s honor but he just smiled slightly, wondering if he should cut his losses before he got too deep in and learned that Yuta was very much otherwise involved or not even gay to begin with.
Toge just shrugged and Yuta’s smile faded slightly. “You okay?” Toge nodded at first then shrugged. “You… feel okay?” Toge nodded quickly. “Okay, good. I hope you’re not… weirded out by the shotgun thing? Maybe I should have explained what I was doing first. It’s just… It’s how I learned to smoke so it seemed to be the easiest? I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.” Toge’s smile was bitter and he shook his head. “You sure? You seem… withdrawn.”
And Toge, high as he was, couldn’t help but sign, “is she your girlfriend?”
“I’m… I’m too high for ASL right now man.” Yuta looked pained to admit and Toge was devastated. “But, like, what if we text? I know it’s not as personal but – ” Toge was already nodding his head hastily, removing his new iPhone. “Okay? Yeah? You don’t mind taking my number? I hate clogging up people’s contacts…” Did he not want to continue talking? “But I mean, I’d be happy to keep chatting with you. I mean, maybe we can get breakfast or something. If you get a weed hangover I’ll help you handle it.” His smile was friendly, a touch guilty.
He rattled off his number and Toge inputted it and then sent a message. The chime of his phone was a relief despite Toge not thinking that Yuta would give him a fake number while sitting directly beside him. But he was high so he wasn’t thinking clearly. Little reliefs felt much better.
Yuta: Hey 😀
Toge: Hi 🐱
Yuta: lol you like cats then?
Toge: Who doesn’t?
Yuta: ✋
Toge: We can’t be friends.
Yuta: 😣
Toge: Okay, I guess we can lol
Yuta: 🎉
Yuta: So, have you been here since freshman yr? I haven’t seen you before.
Toge: Ya. I’ve been around. But it’s a huge campus. Hbu?
Yuta: Yup! Crazy to think we’ve been on the same campus for 3 yrs and haven’t run into each other
Crazy, sure, but also incredibly disappointing, Toge thought to himself. He almost said it but quickly backspaced and wrote something less forward.
Toge: Better late than never haha
Yuta: Yeah lol
Yuta: Do you have a work study?
Toge: Yes! I restock in the library on Sat and Sun nights. I also work at Martie’s
Yuta: You work 2 jobs??
Toge: Gotta get that 🍞
Yuta: You’re on that grind haha
Toge wasn’t going to say that he was responsible for his own expenses, that his parents thought it would help ‘prepare’ him for a world not at all designed for those who couldn’t speak. He’d gotten rejected at tons of jobs and opportunities all under the guise of others not being able to communicate with them as ASL wasn’t a universally known language. It was frustrating but he tried to be patient. And it worked out. He ended up getting an alternative job on campus with less hours but a higher pay to even out his ‘handicap’ and a night job where he didn’t interact with the public and his supervisor at Martie’s either used text or ASL as he learned it. Toge was touched that the hulking, ex-body builder was willing to do so for him, especially when chances were Toge wasn’t going to stay past graduation. But Todo had taken it as a personal challenge and Toge wasn’t going to discourage someone from learning ASL.
Toge: That's right
Toge: Do you have a work study?
Yuta: I work in the cafe but only one day a week
Yuta: I make money during breaks flying back to Africa
Toge: Blood diamonds? 🤔
Yuta: lol no. Weed farm!
Toge: 👀
Yuta: It’s legal in South Africa haha
Toge: Oh!
Yuta: Yeah, not an illegal farm. It’s a legit business. I’m thinking about moving there after graduation tbh
Toge pretended that wasn’t devastating news. Maybe, if something did form between them, Toge could go with him. Clearly Toge was too far gone if he was thinking such things but he imagined working in a weed field in beautiful South Africa, side by side with Yuta and returning to some cute renovated rondavel with decorative pillars and a veranda.
Toge: I thought you hated the heat?
Yuta: The farm is in the Eastern Cape. The weather is pretty mild. The hottest it gets is like the upper 80s. I can handle that. Most of the plants are in a greenhouse anyway and we’ve got AC going.
Toge could handle that, too. But he was getting ahead of himself.
Toge: The Eastern Cape sounds beautiful
Yuta: It’s amazing! Port Elizabeth is so cool visit
They chatted about the farm and The Eastern Cape. He worked for a family run business, which Toge couldn’t quite connect with a weed-farm, used to thinking of them as some criminally run empire. But his boss, Miguel, had welcomed Yuta in his home and taught him everything he knew. They’d connected by accident. Yuta and his parents were visiting the Eastern Cape and their Airbnb was near it. Yuta had wandered the area, ended up on the farm, and ended up in the edibles field where he pilfered a few buds. But he felt guilty about it and tried to return what he didn’t smoke to Miguel, begging him not to call the police (Yuta: I might have hidden behind the fact I was an American lol. I think I started with “I’m an American” so he wouldn’t hurt me haha) and Miguel had been impressed he’d presented himself and checked his ID (Yuta: I had JUST turned 18 too thank god) and Miguel asked if he wanted a tour of the farm the next day. Yuta hastily agreed, complimenting the product and offering to pay but Miguel legally couldn’t accept it, choosing to pretend it hadn’t happened. Yuta had come back, really meshed well with the staff and curious and interested, and Miguel asked if he was interested in helping with their harvest as Yuta said they were there for two weeks. It would be long hours but he’d be paid well and he’d get to smoke while he did it (so long as he focused). Yuta had the time of his life, learned more than he’d known from his dabbling at home, and Miguel asked if he’d be interested in returning if he paid for his flight.
Toge: He paid for your flight???
Yuta: There’s some grant for bringing in migrant workers from America, I guess? It’s cool as fuck honestly. It’s the best gig I could’ve gotten. Ofc my parents don’t love it but eh, they’re not complaining when I come back with cool gifts and shit
Toge: Wait, how do you get the seeds through TSA?
Yuta: Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies 😉
Toge didn’t think that there was enough time between them to tell him about what happened to his voice but he opened up a bit about the struggles of working. Yuta was receptive, curious, and he asked questions about his experience being mute in a speaking world. He was candid, asking if it ever felt lonely. Toge admitted it often did. He’d been silenced far too young, before he had the chance to find his voice and that was something he had to live with. Yuta frowned when he read the text and Toge thought he’d said too much.
Yuta: I’m really sorry to hear that, Toge.
Yuta: I’m going to brush up on my ASL!
Toge hastily told him he didn’t have to do that but Yuta insisted that he wanted to. That if he was going to be friends with him, he was going to ensure they could communicate while looking at each other, not their phones. Toge appreciated it.
Their little moment was shattered yet again, this time by Nobara coming back for another sip of her drink. She was looking a bit more tired though no less pretty in her ruched top and micro shorts with fishnets she was fond of beneath. “It smells like weed over here.” Her eyes were bright, curious, searching for what they didn’t have. “Are you getting high with this weirdo, Toge?”
Toge signed, He’s not a weirdo and Nobara laughed, sipped her drink, and said that they were going to be leaving shortly. Apparently there was some big Sephora sale that she wanted to hit first thing in the morning and Maki had agreed to go with her, claiming the need to try Nobara’s beloved Tower 28 concealer. Toge was disappointed but nodded his head, aware that he’d have to help Panda back to the dorm.
Toge: Guess that’s my cue to gather my roommate
Yuta: Damn. Well, it was nice to meet you. Are you still up for breakfast tomorrow?
Toge: Wouldn’t miss it for the world!
Yuta: Have a good night, Toge.
Toge looked at the message. It wasn’t the ending to the night that his high self wanted. So he locked his phone without answering and turned to look at Yuta who looked up at the click, confused by the lack of an answer. Toge leaned in and pressed his lips to his. It was a risk. It was a huge risk, mostly unfounded, but he was high and he wanted to know if there was something between them. Yuta stiffened with surprise and Toge quickly pulled back, signing a frantic apology. Yuta took his hands in his larger ones and then leaned it and kissed him back.
“Toge!” he heard Nobara call. “Stop making out with weirdos and let’s go.”
Toge’s face flushed and Yuta withdrew with an amused but almost guilty smile. “Your friends need you back,” he said. “I gotta go away. If you’re gone, what’s the point of staying?”
Toge wished he could invite him back to his room. He was feeling adventurous and brave. Who knew what they could do together. But he had a roommate who, drunk or not, wasn’t going to get a show he didn’t want nor signed up for. So Toge got up with some difficulty, his body wanting to remain still and, most importantly, near Yuta.
Toge’s hands fluttered slightly with nerves and he thought about kissing Yuta again but it felt like too much so he just smiled at him and texted him, Meet you in front of the dining hall at 8?
“Eight,” confirmed Yuta with a smile, looking up from the phone. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”