Chapter Text
1999 (age 7 and 17)
Tommy isn’t one to make friends but when the sweet brunette in his science class asks to partner up for the year, he can’t say no. Her smile lights up the room and she’s one of the smarter kids in the class. He’s seen her around the school and knows she’s pretty popular even though she doesn’t actually do much outside of school.
Her name’s Maddie and the first time she invites him over, her kid brother is all over him. He’s a cute little blond kid with a lot of energy. He asks a ton of questions which Maddie answers and she fixes him a snack when he asks. The first words out of mouth when he meets Tommy are, “My name’s Evan and I’m seven. That’s a rhythm and we learned about them in class. Pretty cool, huh?”
Tommy smiles at him, “That is pretty cool, kid.”
“Do you want to play Mario Kart with me? Maddie never wants to play because I beat her every time,” Evan says.
Tommy laughs and looks to Maddie for help.
“Evan,” Maddie says, “Tommy’s here to do homework with me, not play video games with you.”
The kid’s face falls, “Oh, ok.”
Tommy sees Maddie’s face change and she moves over to give Evan a hug, “How about after homework, if Tommy can stay, you guys can play while I make dinner.”
Evan’s face changes, “Really?”
Maddie looks at Tommy to see if it’s alright, “Yeah kid, I’ll play.”
Evan cheers and runs off. Maddie shakes her head at her little brother but she’s got a smile on her face.
“So chemistry?” Tommy says.
Later, while Maddie makes dinner for Evan, Tommy finds the boy in his room, controller in hand and his gaze is fixed to the tv in front of him.
“Hey,” Tommy says from the doorway.
“Shh, I’m about to win,” Evan replies. His eyes never leave the tv.
Tommy stays quiet and when the race is over Evan cheers.
“I got first place!” Evan yells, “I never get first on Rainbow Road!”
“Is it hard?” Tommy asks. He really doesn’t even know what Mario Kart is.
“Duh, it’s like the hardest one. You can fall off the sides. It’s terrible.”
Tommy chuckles, “I’ll take your word for it kid.”
“Do you want to play? Or we can play something else if you want. I don’t mind. I can teach you any game. I’m an expert. Or we can play a board game. I’m good at those too. Or Go Fish. Maddie taught me when I was five. I’m seven now, and I’m really good but Maddie still beats me.”
Tommy chuckles, “How about we start with Mario Kart and we see where it takes us.”
Evan’s face lights up, “Sweet, but I get to be Mario.”
Tommy sits down on the floor next to Evan and picks up the extra controller. He picks Donkey Kong because he kind of knows who he is. Plus he thinks it’s funny that a gorilla is driving a car.
Evan does in fact beat Tommy, badly. Tommy finishes last while Evan finishes second. They play three more rounds before Maddie’s call Evan to dinner.
“You can have dinner with us, and we can play after!” Evan exclaims as they clean up.
“I should probably go home,” Tommy says. He knows his dad doesn’t care where he is. As long as he keeps his grades up and stays out of trouble. But he doesn’t want to intrude on Maddie’s family. He hates when people question him about his life.
“Maddie!” Evan yells as he runs out of room, “Can Tommy stay for dinner?”
Tommy gets up from his seat on the floor and walks through the house to the kitchen. He sees Maddie serving Evan a bowl of mac and cheese with a small smile on her face as she listens to the boy talk.
“I should go,” Tommy says, from the doorway.
“Please stay,” Evan begs. His eyes grow big and he looks like he’s about to cry.
“I can’t,” Tommy replies, “My dad will be upset if I don’t come home.”
Evan’s face falls.
“I can come by again,” Tommy says. He hates the look of disappointment on the boy’s face, “Maddie and I are partners for chemistry so I’ll be around soon.”
Evan gives him a small smile, “Okay.”
“I’ll see you at school,” Tommy says to Maddie.
“See you,” Maddie replies with a sweet smile.
-
Tommy ends up going over to Maddie’s house most days after school. He says he’s going to do homework with Maddie but he usually ends up just playing games with Evan. He even starts to help the younger boy with his homework. Maddie will make dinner and he’ll stay sometimes, so he’s not rude, but he’ll come up with an excuse to not stay every now and then.
He notices how Maddie’s the one taking care of Evan and rarely, if ever, sees their parents. He asks Maddie about it and she just waves him off with a “they’re busy” and leaves it at that.
On a Monday when he drives Maddie home from school, he sees Evan looking at the window and when he parks in his car the boy opens the door with a huge smile and waves to the teenager with a red cast on his arm.
“What happened kid?” Tommy asks when he gets to the door.
“I fell out of a tree on Saturday,” Evan tells him, “Do you want to sign my cast? I have the perfect spot for you.”
“Sure kid,” Tommy answers. Evan gives him the biggest smile and he holds out a sharpie for Tommy to use. Tommy signs his name in the space Evan pointed to. He can’t help but smile at the fact that the younger boy kept a spot open for him.
They don’t get to play video games for the six weeks the cast is on, but that doesn’t stop Evan from wanting to play with Tommy. They play board games and endless rounds of Go Fish. Evan even brings out his legos and they build until it’s time for dinner.
“Thank you for always playing with him,” Maddie says, “I know he can be...a lot sometimes, but he’s a good kid.”
“He’s not bad,” Tommy replies, “I don’t mind.”
“I’ll see you at school,” Maddie says.
“See you at school.”
Somehow the weeks turn into months and soon it’s summer. Tommy finds a part time job at the auto shop and Maddie’s got one scooping ice cream. They hang out when they can. Evan’s usually with them so they don’t get to go to parties or hang out with people from school. But they do get to go to the arcade, go to the movies (Evan drags them to see Air Bud three times), and at the end of summer they’ve saved enough money to go to Hershey Park. Evan spends the day dragging them to all the rides. Maddie isn’t a fan of the trill rides, so Tommy takes Evan on them while she waits.
2000 (age 8 and 18)
School starts at the end of August and they end up having only math together. Maddie suggests they partner up to do homework again since Pre-Calculus is pretty hard. Tommy happily agrees. The days that he doesn’t go over feel like he’s missing a part of himself.
As the days go by and graduation is coming closer and closer, Maddie drops hints about prom and what dress she wants to wear. Tommy knows that she wants him to ask her, but he doesn’t have feelings for her. He’s known for a while he doesn’t like girls the way the other guys do. But he hasn’t said anything to anyone nor talked to anyone about it. He knows his dad would kick his ass if he found out he was gay. But he wants to do right by Maddie so he works up the courage to tell her.
The next time Tommy goes over to Maddie’s Evan’s in bed with the flu. He’s sleeping so it’s quiet. It gives Tommy a chance to talk to Maddie without being interrupted.
“I...I wanted to talk to you about something,” Tommy says.
“Oh?” Maddie gives him a questioning look.
“I-I know prom’s coming up and we both don’t have dates yet,” Tommy starts, “And...I wanted to let you know that while I would love to be your date, but I can’t.”
Maddie’s face falls.
“Not...Not because I don’t like you! I do. I just,” Tommy sighs before he continues, “I’m gay. And I like you as a friend but nothing more.”
Maddie sighs, “Oh my God. It makes sense now.”
“What?”
“Why you wouldn’t kiss me!” Maddie exclaims and she starts to laugh.
Tommy looks at her in confusion, “Kiss you?”
Maddie laughs, “Tommy, the whole reason I wanted to be your lab partner was the fact you’re hot and single. I’ve been trying to get you to kiss me or ask me since last year!”
“Oh...oh! Oh I thought...wow, I didn’t,” Tommy stumbles over his words.
“Well, do you want to be my prom date?” Maddie asks, “As just friends. I don’t want to go with anyone but you.”
“Yeah, yeah that would be nice,” Tommy replies.
-
Tommy and Maddie go to prom. He finally meets her parents when he goes to pick her up at her house. Evan’s excited to see him and he tries to get him to play with him, but the Buckley parents scold him and make him go to his room to be out of the way. Tommy’s heart hurts when he sees Evan’s face fall and he drags his feet along the floor.
Maddie pulls Tommy’s attention away from Evan when she holds out the flower she wants to pin to his lapel. Her mother takes photos and when she runs out of film, Maddie says it’s time to go.
Her parents walk them to the door and wave as Tommy drives away.
Prom’s fun, if not a little messy. Someone brought a flask that was passed around, but Tommy doesn’t drink any. Maddie takes a couple of sips before she says it’s too much and pushes it away.
They end up at an after party in the woods. Someone has a bonfire going and beers are being passed around. Tommy lets Maddie have her fun and when the sun is coming up, he gets her into his car and drives her home. She’s a little drunk but mostly tired which he’s thankful for. He doesn’t want her parents hating him.
He ends up having to walk Maddie to her door. She’s sleepy and giggling to herself about something that Tommy doesn’t even know about. When she pushes open the door, Maddie pulls Tommy in with her.
“Shh...” she whispers and giggles to herself more.
Tommy shakes his head at her, but does as he’s told. They walk through the quiet house to her room and when they get there he notices a little body in the middle of her bed. The familiar blond hair is wild, but Tommy can see it’s Evan. He’s holding onto a stuffed dog that’s seen better days and his legs are pulled up so he’s taking as little room as possible.
“Shit,” Maddie says and it takes Tommy’s attention away from Evan.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t get my dress open,” Maddie answers. Her arms are behind her trying to catch her zipper.
“Let me,” Tommy says and he moves to help her. When the zipper is opened, Maddie pushes her dress off and Tommy’s cheeks turn red as he turns around so he doesn’t see her without her clothes on, “Do you want me to take Evan back to his room?”
Maddie mumbles a yes as she makes her way to her bed. She falls into the bed and Evan whines but stays curled up. Tommy moves over to the bed and he tries to shake Evan awake but all he does is curl up more. Tommy sighs. He bends over and picks Evan up under the arms, making sure to keep the stuffed dog with him, and brings him close. The younger boy's head lands on his shoulder and Evan cuddles in. Tommy hears a sleepy, “Tommy?”
“Hey kid, let’s get you to bed.” Tommy whispers to him. He closes the door to Maddie’s room and walks down the hall to Evan’s.
There’s a little night light that's glowing on the wall and the bed’s a mess from Evan leaving it sometime in the middle of the night. Tommy lays the boy down in his bed and Evan curls into his pillow. Tommy makes sure Evan’s stuffed dog is next to him before pulling the covers over him and walking out of the room.
At graduation, Maddie makes sure to get photos with Tommy. She even gives him a candy lei. Evan gives him a card that he drew for Tommy. Tommy happily takes it and asks if Evan wants a photo with him. The little boy’s face lights up and he stands next to Tommy while Evan’s mom sighs but takes a photo of the two of them.
“Where’s your family?” Evan asks.
“My dad’s...somewhere,” Tommy answers. He’s not sure if his dad actually made it out of the house to come.
“Well you can come with us to dinner! We’re going to Olive Garden. Their breadsticks are amazing!”
Tommy chuckles, “I don’t think your parents are going to like me tagging along.”
“Yes they will!” Evan replies and he turns to his mom. He tugs on her dress and when she turns to look at him, he smiles sweetly, “Can Tommy come with us to dinner? I don’t want him to be alone.”
“Evan,” his mother sighs, “It’s just family tonight. I’m sure Tommy’s parents will want to celebrate with him.”
Evan’s face falls, “They can come too!”
“No Evan. Just us,” his mother says and Evan’s face falls.
Tommy hates to see Evan sad, “Hey kid, why don’t we plan a different night to go out.”
“Can we go to the arcade?”
Tommy smiles, “We can do whatever you want. You just have to plan it.”
Evan starts listing off everything they can do and Tommy listens. When it’s time to say goodbye Tommy hugs Maddie then Evan again and watches them walk off with their parents. He can’t believe that in a week's time he will be in basic training and not spending the summer with them.
-
“You’re leaving me?” Evan’s voice quivers. Tommy’s spending his last day before basic with him and Maddie. He had signed up for the Army a few weeks before graduation. He had told Maddie a week prior to graduation, but he hadn’t told Evan. He knew the little boy would be upset.
“It’s only for a few weeks,” Tommy explains, “I’m going to be in the Army. How cool is that?”
“But...but I had a whole summer planned out for us,” Evan cries. Tears start to form in his eyes. Tommy’s seen Evan cry only a couple of times, but each time it breaks his heart. He sees some of his younger self in Evan. How being alone hurts or when someone lets you down.
“We can write to each other,” Tommy tells him, “I’ll be in South Carolina for the summer, and I know sending letters would be a fun way to pass the time.”
“And you’ll write back?” Evan asks, “Because I’ve tried to write a letter before but I haven’t heard back from anyone.”
Tommy gives him a small smile, “I’ll always write you back.”
Evan’s eyes are still watery but a smile spreads to his face, “You’re my best friend, Tommy.” He wraps his small arms around Tommy’s neck and Tommy’s arms go around the small boy.
-
Basic training is hard. It’s long hours and the heat only makes it worse. Tommy’s never been so tired in his life. But the first week the mail comes and there’s a letter for him. He sees the return address is Maddie and Evan’s and he opens up the letter quickly and the papers fall out. One is a letter from Evan talking about everything he’s done since Tommy left and the other is a drawing of the two of them.
It brings tears to Tommy’s eyes. He didn’t know a simple letter and drawing could do something like that to him.
“What did you get there, Kinard?” One of the guys in his unit asks.
“Just a letter from home,” Tommy replies, “Nothing special.” He doesn’t want to get teased for crying over a kid’s drawing. He quickly puts the letter and drawing back in the envelope and hides it in his foot locker.
“That from your girl or something?” the guy asks.
“Uh, no no just a...friend,” Tommy answers. How do you explain that your best friend’s little brother is writing to you without sounding weird?
He doesn’t get a chance to write back for another two weeks, but he gets two more letters from Evan in that time. Evan tells him he had to get stitches on his forehead from hitting it on a branch when he was climbing a tree.
Tommy makes sure to send Evan a birthday card for his ninth birthday. He includes a picture of himself in his uniform. It’s a little wallet sized photo of him in his fatigues with an American flag behind him. It’s nothing special, but he thinks Evan will still like it.
The weeks roll on and every week there’s a letter from Evan. Sometimes Maddie writes as well. But it’s a quick little note about nothing special. Tommy gets to call home once a week and he’ll call Maddie since his dad doesn’t pick up. He always hears Evan’s happy voice in the background asking to talk to him. Maddie will get out what she needs to say before handing the phone over to Evan. Evan loves to tell Tommy about his day and Tommy will listen. He’ll ask him questions as they talk and when it’s time to say goodbye, Evan always makes Tommy promise to write to him.
The guys in his unit rib him about always calling his girlfriend, which he should be mad about but isn’t because at least it stops them from thinking he’s gay. He doesn’t want to get kicked out of the Army before he even starts.
He does call his dad two weeks before basic training is coming to end, hoping the old man would come to see him graduate. But his dad makes an excuse about work and how he can’t get days off to come and Tommy just sighs out an “it’s ok dad” and hangs up. He knows Maddie can’t come either because classes are starting. So he doesn’t even ask her.
He comes home on a Friday.
Maddie’s got a morning class and Evan just started the new school year, so he has a few hours to pass. He ends up driving around until he knows Maddie will be home. He surprises her and she squeals in delight. She also slaps his arm because he didn’t tell her he was done with basic. He just shrugs and changes the subject.
They end up driving over to Evan’s school to pick him up.
The bell rings and kids start pouring out. Tommy spots the familiar blond mop of hair and when the younger boy spots Tommy his face lights up and he comes running towards the older man.
“Tommy!” Evan yells and he jumps into Tommy’s arms. Tommy catches the younger boy and hugs him close.
“Hey kid,” Tommy says.
“What are you doing here?”
“I finished basic training and I’m home for the weekend,” Tommy explains, “I was seeing if you and Maddie wanedt to hang out.”
“Yes!” Evan yells, “We can play GoldenEye 007! And I got some new legos...Oh and I got a skateboard! My parents said I have to wear my helmet but I sometimes forget.”
“You should always wear a helmet. Can’t have you getting hurt,” Tommy says.
Evan rolls his eyes, “I’m not a baby.”
“But you still be safe,” Tommy says.
Evan huffs out, “Fine.” And Tommy ruffles his hair. That gets a smile from Evan.
Tommy gets Evan into his car where Maddie was waiting for the two of them. She greets her brother and he says hi quickly while he gets his seat belt on. When Tommy gets into the driver’s seat, Evan pulls out the little photo of Tommy that he sent weeks ago.
“I carry it with me to show everyone my best friend is in the Army,” Evan explains.
Tommy smiles at that, “I’m your best friend?”
“Of course you are,” Evan replies, “No one else likes to play with me like you do.”
Tommy’s heart breaks at that. Evan’s a great kid and yet others don’t see it.
They end up spending the weekend just like Evan asks. Maddie joins them after work and on Sunday Tommy takes Evan and Maddie to Hershey Park again as a treat. Evan cries when Tommy says goodbye. He holds onto him saying he doesn’t want Tommy to leave again. Tommy promises that they’ll stay in contact like they did during basic and that now it’ll be easier to talk since Tommy won’t be training so much.
Two days later Maddie calls Tommy to let him know Evan broke his leg from skateboarding. Tommy sends Evan a care package with his favorite candy and a little bear with an Army shirt on it.
2001 (ages 10/20)
Tommy signs up to learn how to fly helicopters and Maddie starts dating a pre-med student, Doug. They still talk and when he’s able he still sends letters to Evan. Evan’s on the verge of teenhood and already starting to show signs. He’s getting taller and Maddie mentions she had to tell him to start wearing deodorant.
The Twin Towers fall on a clear September day. The military is put on high alert. Tommy’s still in training so there’s not much he can do, but they’re still told to be ready in case of more attacks.
He calls Maddie to make sure everyone is okay. She tells him they’re all shaken, but ok. When Maddie hands the phone to Evan, Evan asks if Tommy’s going to be flying to fight the bad guys. And Tommy laughs saying he’s not sure. He still has a while before he’s allowed to fly anywhere.
Months go by and Maddie’s getting more and more serious with Doug. She calls Tommy less and less, which means he doesn’t get to talk to Evan on the phone much either. They still write letters which is nice. Evan will send him a drawing every now and then and Tommy keeps them all together in a little folder so he won’t lose them.
2003-2005 (ages 12-14/22-24)
Tommy’s called to go fly in Iraq. The war started only a month ago and they already are calling everyone available. Tommy tells Maddie and Evan he’s leaving and it’s tears all around. Maddie’s worried about Tommy and Evan’s upset that Tommy’s going to be halfway around the world and not just a few states away. Tommy promises he’ll keep in contact as best as he can.
And he does, for a while at least. They have the internet, so he starts to email Maddie as much as he can. She doesn’t reply much, claiming nursing school keeps her busy. She and Doug moved in together, which made Evan upset and he’s not talking to Maddie at the moment. Tommy reassures her that he’ll come around. He’s just being a teenager.
As the months drag on, the messages become less and less. Last Tommy heard was that Maddie was in Boston with Doug while he did his residency. Evan was starting high school and was trying out for football.
He has a secret relationship with another guy when he gets stationed in Afghanistan that he can’t talk to anyone about. They both somehow make it out alive and when they get home the guy breaks it off saying he was only using Tommy since his girl was back home.
It hurts and Tommy can’t talk to anyone about it. Maddie’s married, living in Boston. Doug doesn’t care for Tommy and tells Maddie it’s weird she’s friends with another guy. Evan’s a teenager who won’t care for Tommy’s relationship woes.
He moves on and lands in LA. He starts a job as a firefighter and is a huge douche to everyone. He guards his heart and pretends to be straight, but it doesn’t work.
He still feels lonely and like he’s missing something.