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The dorm was filled with the low hum of voices and the clatter of dinner plates. The members were spread out lazily across the living room. Music was playing softly from someone's phone and Chan was bickering with Changbin about washing the leftover dishes.
Minho sat cross legged on the floor, poking at his food without much interest. Hyunjin sat across from him laughing at something Seungmin had said, head thrown back, eyes shining.
Minho tried not to stare, but that was nearly impossible. He couldn’t help but memorize the way Hyunjins hair fell into his eyes, the way his body seemed to glow when he smiled. He tried…and he failed. Just like he always did.
No one knew. No one could know.
It was fine like this. Close enough to break, but never enough to cross the invisible line.
Minho forced out a smile when I.N. shoved him playfully, cracking a joke. He laughed along as the others started filling the gaps between. Minho watched the rest chow down their food and get into their usual rhythm. Minho continued to prod at his chicken while he managed to listen in on the others.
“Look, all I’m saying is that if he wanted to try acting, good for him. But, maybe he should stick with directing.” Jisung jokes. “Like I think I could do better than him.” Chan rolls his eyes and forces a piece of meat into Jisungs mouth.
“Silencing the truth.” Hyunjin pipes up, slurping his noodles.
“Have you all forgotten the last 10 years of film? What he did was an art and deserves praise.” I.N. expressed.
“Have you even seen the movie?” Changbin dead panned.
“No.”
Minho finally laughed. He looked up, catching Hyunjins eyes. Somehow, evertime, it took his breath away.
Hyunins eyes weren’t just brown, they were a thousand unspoken words swirling under the surface. Reflecting Minho’s own fear and hurt from forcing out a smile. His eyes shimmered like broken pieces of something precious.
Minho’s heart squeezed painfully. He had memorized those eyes a hundred times when Hyunjin wasn’t looking. The way they softened when he was tired, the way they lit up when he laughed, and even the way they darkened when he was lost in thought.
This time was different.
They were entirely focused on him. Unshielded. His face scrunched, from his giggles bubbling out of him. A beautiful sight Minho was granted with.
Minho’s face froze. No mask to hide his true face. Just raw, aching honesty. So much he felt he would shatter under the weight.
Hyunjin suddenly broke their gaze when he fell back from laughing too hard. Minho was no longer focused on anyone anymore. Just revisiting the image he was blessed with.
He always wondered if Hyunjin could see it. The way he was unraveling at the seams and how each breath felt so distant while he was in the younger's presence. Yet, Minho knew how well he was at hiding. He couldn’t risk losing the view he had right now, by expressing his feelings.
It was okay the way it was. He just needed to keep telling himself that.
Dinner went by in a flash. Minho kept to himself, only eating a fourth of what he had ordered. The others didn’t mention anything while they picked up and made sure the food was all put away. It was getting late and Minho really just wanted to go to bed.
Minho plopped himself onto the couch and rested his head back, shutting his eyes. Even with his eyes closed, Hyunjins image flooded his brain. There was nothing like a young man in love.
There was a dip in the couch next to him.
“You were really quiet tonight.”
Of course it was Hyunjin.
“Just tired,” Minho lied, cracking open his eyes to face Hyunjin.
Hyunjin didn’t push. Just smiled gently. If only he knew how much that smile killed Minho with how easy it looked. If Hyunjin just knew how easy it was to love him.
Minho stood up after a few beats. “I think I’ll head to bed.” A thin line formed on his lips as he watched Hyunjin nod and move on to another member.
Hyunjin would always move on so quickly. There was never a pause or moment of hesitation after their talks. They were friends. Just friends.
“Goodnight.” Minho mumbled to himself and headed straight for his room.
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Morning came sooner than he had hoped. He barely remembered being woken and shoved out the door with an apple being forced into his hand.
Miho settled into his seat, hood pulled up and earbuds dangling loosely around his neck. Chan was fiddling with his phone, Felix was humming under his breath, and Seungmin had his head pressed against the window, still half-asleep.
Hyunjin was right beside him, mind the aisle. His head was resting back, eyes closed and soft smile tugging at his lips. Just like that, without even trying, Minho was useless.
He attempted to focus on anything else: the low rumble of the engine, the traffic rushing by, the stupid beat of the song playing through the van’s speaker. Yet, his eyes kept pulling back to Hyunjin.
His hair curled slightly against his forehead, his lashes brushed across his cheeks, and his fingers were absentmindedly tapping his thigh in sync with the music.
Minho dug his nails into his palm, willing himself to stop staring. It was ridiculous. It was dangerous.
They finally arrived at the studio and he dragged himself out of the van. They made it to the practice studio and they all spreaded out. Starting with stretches and warm ups, they listened to Minho guide them in their usual routine.
Then they started with the new dance. Minho made a small joke about how sore they would be latre, but was brushed off with ‘no way, jose’.
Minho tried to lose himself in the music as he went through the counts. One by one he reviewed the section and watched the others struggle before he lent them a hand. Somehow in between it all. Hyunjins face was in his view every few seconds.
Hyunjin caught on quite quickly, along with Felix, so they helped the others when they could. Hyunjins expression was focused, his curved smile when he taught the move after Minho. It pulled Minho’s attention like a magnet.
Minho suddenly forgot the steps. All eyes were on him as he was showing the next section and all he could was recount to himself, tripping over his feet. The others looked at him worried.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Seungmin called out, stepping forward carefully. “Did you forget the moves? We can call the choreograp-”
“No!” He held his hands out, but immediately forced on a smile, “Uh no it’s fine. I think I got it now.”
He got back into positions and started the counts. This time, perfecting it. Everyone seemed to forget his mishap and focused on the moves.
“Hyung, I need help.” Hyunjin grabbed Minho’s arm. His calloused fingers rubbing Minhos’ skin. The feeling was smooth and gone in an instant. “Uh yeah, what is it?”
“I can’t hit the marking right. I think I keep missing a step.” Hyunjin stepped back and danced the small section. He was right. He was missing a count and he was ending in a different spot than what he should.
“Uh so make sure after 4, you turn your body to the left and hit on 5. Once you do then you finish on your left foot with your hand in the hair to finish 6, 7, and 8.” Minho followed through with the movement again and Hyunjin nodded.
Hyunjin swiftly did the move correctly and smiled wide. “Ah thanks! It’s always the small things.” He joked and Minho smiled back. Not even at his words, but just at the action.
Hyunjin was smiling at him.
Minho shook away his thoughts and went back to the dance after everyone was comfortable with the move. They went through till the end and decided to take a short break before running through the whole dance.
He took a seat on the floor, taking a sip of his water. The others surrounded him doing the same. Of course, his eyes wandered onto Hyunjins relaxed form. He sat on the floor, arms propped behind him. His hair was taken out of his ponytail and it flowed across his flushed face.
Minho felt water droplets drip down his chin before he gasped and pulled the bottle back. He was quite literally drooling over the man.
“Wow hyung, admiring much?” I.N. teased and the others’ attention peaked. “Who wouldn’t over Hyunjin?” Felix added.
“Is that why you kept zoning out? You were looking at him weren’t you?” Chan jokes.
Changbin walked over to Hyunjin, “Must be nice.”
“Shut up.” Minho muttered, shoving his water back into his bag and standing up.
“We’re just stating the obvious,” Felix started, “it’s honestly kinda fu-”
“I said drop it!” Minho snapped, sharper than he intended. The laughter died instantly, replaced by an awkward silence.
Minho saw the way the others exchanged glances. Seungmins eyebrow lifted slightly and Hyunjin looked… guilty. Knowing Hyunjin he probably felt bad, that was the reason they started the teasing and now Minho was upset. Not at Hyunjin.
Never at Hyunjin.
“Whatever.” he mumbled, turning away, pretending to focus on adjusting the music settings. He didn’t look anyone in the eye after that. He said his instructions and continued with their time.
He couldn’t even let himself look at Hyunjin.
Because if he did, if he let himself see the confusion, the possible hurt that was flickering on Hyunjins face, he wasn’t sure he could keep pretending he was fine. Even now, he was still convinced that pretending was the only thing keeping him safe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Practice went later than usual. Minho was stricter than normal. If someone messed up, he called them out and they re-did it. He gave them their breaks and then they continued.
Minho noticed after a while how tired they looked. Their moves were slowing and they were becoming a little more agitated.
“You guys can go. We can pick it up next time.” Minho finally looked up at them.
“What about you?” Chan asked.
“I want to go through some other things before I leave. It’s only 7 so I’ll head back soon.” he put on a smile and went to grab his phone from the speaker and play the music again.
“Don’t stay out late, okay? At least be back in time to eat something.” Chan demanded more than asked. Minho nodded.
Chan looked back at the others and stepped closer to Minho. “The others, and me too. We are sorry for the comments earlier. We were just joking, but clearly you didn't like it.” Chan put a hand on Minho's shoulder and gave him a gentle smile.
“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have yelled.” Minho smiled back and Chan took that as a means to get the others out so Minho could have some alone time.
Chan always knew.
Slowly the other filtered out. Minho caught a few sad smiles, but let it be for today. He can apologize tomorrow.
The sun was starting to set and Minho played the music again, running through the choreo once. Then twice. Again and again.
Minho lost track of the time eventually and focused solely on his moves. Sharp turns. Heavy steps. Each move harsher than the last. It wasn’t even about dancing anymore. He just needed to burn through the knot tightening in his chest.
It wasn’t enough. Nothing was ever enough.
No matter how fast he moved, no matter how hard he pushed, he couldn’t outrun the screaming thought at the center of him:
“I can’t keep doing this.”
He couldn’t keep pretending that Hyunjin’s smile didn’t undo him. He couldn’t keep pretending that Hyunjin's absence didn’t hollow him out. He couldn’t keep pretending that every single day wasn’t a slow kind of heartbreak.
He stumbled mid spin, nearly crashing to the floor. The music kept playing.
Minho pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, willing himself to hold it together, but his body was already betraying him.
His breaths came in short, fast gasps. His hands trembled. The room began to spin. Too loud, too bright, too much.
“No, no, no,” he sputtered, dropping to his knees. The floor felt miles away, mirrors warping into the distance.
He tried to breathe, but the air felt thick and no matter how wide he opened his mouth, nothing came in. Tears pooled into vision, hot and helpless.
“I can’t-I can’t-” He curled forward, arms wrapping around himself to somehow keep himself from falling apart.
Footsteps, hurried, the door clicking open.
“Minho?”
Hyunjins deep voice, sharp with concern, filled Minhos’ fading hearing. Minhos’ eyes squeezed tighter, humiliation burning hotter than the tears.
He couldn’t be seen like this. Not by Hyunjin.
Before he could force himself to move, Hyunjin was there. Dropping to his knees beside him, Hyunjins hands hovered awkwardly above in front of him.
“Hey, hey,” Hyunjin murmured out, still unsure, “it’s okay, i’m here. Just… breathe, okay? Breathe.”
Minho shook his head violently, a strangled noise ripping from his throat. Hyunjin immediately shifted closer, wrapping his arms carefully around Minho’s shaking frame.
“Okay, I’ve got you,” he whispered, voice breaking. “You’re not alone. I’m here. Just slowly try and take some breaths okay? I won’t leave.”
It took minutes, long shuddering minutes, but the tight back around Minho’s chest began to loosen. His breathing slowed as his head lolled down onto Hyunjins shoulder. The world stopped spinning as much as Minho's eyes cracked open.
Hyunjins arms were tight around him. His hand rubbed up and down Minhos’ back while he murmured nonsense. Soft and comforting nonsense, anchoring him to the ground.
When Minho finally looked up, his face was soaked in tears. Hyunjins steady hands never stopped. Minho opened his mouth to apologize, make a joke, and pretend again. However, what tumbled out instead was something else entirely.
“I love you.” Minho blurted, voice shaking, “I love you so much it’s killing me and I can’t stop and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, i know it’s stupid and you probably don’t even-”
“Minho-”
“And I’ve been trying so hard to act normal but I can’t anymore, it hurts, it hurts so bad and I just want-”
Hyunjin cut him off. Hands cupped his face and before Minho knew it a pair of lips were on his.
The world blinked out. The panic, the noise, just everything. In that split moment, Minho almost felt his heart stop. Hyunjns soft lips pressed against his were the only thing that mattered. Minho melted into the kiss, clutching desperately at the youngers sleeves.
It wasn’t a perfect kiss. It was wet from Minho’s tears. His hands still trembled as they reached for Hyunjins neck. He gasped for breath each time Hyunjin let go for a brief moment. It wasn’t perfect, but it was real.
It was everything Minho had ever wanted and everything he never dared to hope for. When they pulled apart, Hyunjin rested his forehead against Minho’s, their noses brushing.
“There is nothing to be sorry for,” Hyunjin whispered, “I love you too. So much.”
Minho wanted to let out a cry of relief.
“Everyday I wanted to tell you. It was hard to look at you without just sheer adoration on my face.” He joked. “It was hard for me, but I guess it was a little harder on you huh?”
Minho let out a shaky, breathless laugh. For the first time, they shared a gaze that was so much more. Eyes sparkling underneath the dim lighting, still blown wide from the kiss.
“I was going to take it to the grave. It probably would have been an early one.” Minho confessed.
“You’re easy to read hyung. I probably would have gathered up the courage to do it eventually.” Hyunjin claimed, earning a laugh.
“So… what does this mean? For like us, the group?” Minho asked, hesitantly.
“I mean. We both like each other. The others will support us, I know they will.” Hyunjin stood up, reaching a hand for Minhos. “It is late though. Maybe we can head home.”
Minho nodded and took his hand, standing up. Minho’s first instinct was to take his hand back, but he let it stay. Hyunjin effortlessly intertwined them with his.
They headed out of the studio and out the front doors, into the night.
“Crap, it’s raining.” Hyunjin whined. Minho sighed and took off his hoodie, giving it to Hyunjin. “Put it on.”
“But-”
“Now.”
The younger obeyed and threw on the hoodie. Minho made sure it was covering his head and took hyunjins hand in his. “Let’s go.”
Through the rain, they ran. Shoes splashing in the shallow puddles as they followed the path home. The hoodie fell from Hyunjins head as he smiled at Minho, a faint blush burning his cheeks. Minho smiled happily at the unfamiliar swell in his chest.
No fear. No shame. Something quieter. Something warmer.
When they reached the dorm, they were soaked head to toe, but they were together. Minho slung the door open and they rushed into the warmth.
Chan looked up first, taking in their soaked clothes… and their clasped hands. His expression softened from a concerned look to a gentle smile.
No words were said. No teasing, no questions, no nothing. Just a small nudge from Jisung, a barely there smile from Felix, a knowing look from Changbin.
“Uh so…” Minho began, but Hyunjin squeezed his hand, guiding him to stop.
“This will be a talk tomorrow. I want out of these clothes and Minho hyung is tired, so goodnight.” Hyunjin smiled and dragged Minho down the hallway into his room.
Minho felt like he was floating. Neither of them spoke at first. Words felt too heavy, too fragile. Minho turned his head to meet Hyunjins gaze again, and this time he didn’t look away.
Hyunjin leaned in, brushing a light kiss against Minho’s temple, lingering there like a promise. Minho closed his eyes, letting it sink into him, deep and certain.
“You know we both can’t be the dominant one, right?” Minho glared.
“That’s a talk tomorrow.” Hyunjin stalled and Minho rolled his eyes.
Hyunjin was right though. They had time.
Minho’s world was so much brighter now. He could watch Hyunjins features anytime without fear. He could grab the younger hand without shame. He could finally say the words-
“I love you.”
Hyunjin smiled, “I love you too.”
Then seal it with a kiss, everytime.