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His hand was placed over yours in the limousine, and you felt it squeeze. Turning your head over to Illumi, you found him looking back at you.
"Where are we going," you asked him while placing your head on his shoulder. Illumi was a far cry from an affectionate man, but he never did shoo away your advances.
"The movies," he replied and opted for his head to lean on yours. It was an unusual action as the majority of the PDA came from your part, and he usually stands there and takes it. Yet, you did not mention it.
"What movie?"
"One you might like."
He didn't expand on that thought, so you didn't ask him too.
Your hand weaved through his hair, and you wondered how despite using the same products his looks vastly more healthy than your hair. Last time you asked about it, and he curtley responded with 'genetics'.
Your hands trailed up and down the length of his arm. He was dressed rich and fashionable with a simple vest over a button up in opposition to the outfit he normally wears killing people.
You were in a sleek dark grey maxi dress that was meant to compliment Illumi's outfit. You looked expensive, like you were fresh out of the movie set for The Great Gatsby. Illumi definitely looked like he exploited workers for a living, but in a good way.
"Illumi," you murmered.
"Yes, love."
"Why are we going out?"
"We are long overdue for a date don't you think?" He inquired, but you knew it was bullshit. He had seen a butler get a little too close to you for his liking, so he killed him the following day. When you had asked where the butler went Illumi brushed it off.
If you were any more naive you would've thought he was guilty, but Illumi felt no guilt.
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The movie was a rom-com and unsurprisingly you did enjoy it. Illumi's arm was wrapped around your shoulder, but he was more focused on the way you chewed the popcorn than the movie itself.
You watched these types of media prior to Illumi barging in your life. You wondered if Illumi knew you liked this due to how many months he wasted stalking you in a prelude to kidnapping you.
When you first came here you made the mistake of asking how long Illumi had been "protecting you", and with a face you couldn't read he expressed it was a little less than a year. Apparently, he saw you helping an old lady cross the street, and the rest was history. It was unnerving; he spoke as if he was recalling it years after to his future children, and not to the woman he stalked and tied to a chair. You recalled how he had a catastrophic grin on his typically emotionless face.
The early days had been the worst. You were rebellious, and you seemed to be like a dog inside a cage barking at it's owner. You bit at the bars, but you could only be freed by Illumi's calamitious hands. You didn't talk much in your relationship as most of the time spent with him consisted of the man watching your every movement, and you watching him watch you. Despite posturing yourself to be an observant person you didn't know he had his cursed eyes on you for such a long time.
Sometimes he'd put his hand under your chin and tilted it up for you to look into his eyes, and you were either met with disdain if you had done something wrong, or proudness if you had pleased him. What used to be an endless amount of disdain turned to endless amount of pride on Illumi's part.
It took a while for you to fall for him. You began to notice the little things about Illumi, like how he'd normally wear a face vacant of feelings, but around you he grinned ever so slightly. It might've been a mindset change though, since you used to hate how he leered at you. You used to stay quiet when he'd express his obsession on you, but now you'd respond in kind.
It's okay, because you love him now. Yes, it's all okay now.
In the movie the male love interest confessed to the female lead in the rain, corny you know, but it pulled at your heart strings nonetheless.
He kissed her passionately, and placed his veiny hands on her head. His other hand rested at the small of her back meanwhile the camera unfocused to show the whole scene. They pulled apart breathless, as a consequence you looked to the floor.
When the credits started to roll you realized that there was nobody else in the theatre, therefore Illumi had most likely bought all of the seats.
Does he not trust you? Does he think you would scream and call for help? Sure, there's been issues in your behavior in the past, but you thought he knew you were beyond that.
It's fine. It's fine. It most likely doesn't mean anything, but the pit in your stomache did not become filled with reassurance. Rationality was always a fickle fucker. It seemed to escape you, all possibilities that weren't inherently bad. Rationality was for people like Illumi, not you.
"Did you enjoy the movie?" He asked, breaking you out of your inner turmoil.
"Yeah, um, it was nice," you knew you were being dry so you continued, "so...did you enjoy it too?"
"I don't typically have the time to enjoy movies, but this wasn't so bad."
You two arose from the movie seat and exited the theatre. The way Illumi walked is statue-like without an ounce of relxation even on an off day. It's not like an army man, but it certainly isn't like someone who is completely normal. The image of Illumi's hands at his sides come to your mind. Those are the hands that have killed thousands of people, and now you hold them in your palms. A sense of pride comes over you, but you pushed it down out of guilt.
He walked in front of you, not beside, a clear image of your dynamic. As you started at the back of his head you had the strange feeling that this wasn't the only reason he brought you outside the mansion.
"Have a good day!" exclaimed the man working in the theatre, and Illumi suddenly grabbed a hold of your hand. The air smelled of popcorn and first dates, so you took a long breath as you knew it was unlikely you'd return.
The automatic door opened, and the light stroked your face with it's warm hand. It had to have been Summer by now, but you weren't quite sure which month. A little boy with a comically large lollipop and his mother walked around you, and something inside you hurt. The passerbys on the sidewalk and the worker at the theatre had been the closest you've been with people not from the Zoldyck mansion. Nonetheless, you are content being Illumi's.
The limousine was there waiting for you and Illumi, but as he opened the door for you to enter you thought you saw a slight amount of satisfaction on Illumi's face.
As you entered you found yourself sitting at the back of the vehicle, and Illumi followed in suit.
"You look good in that dress. I'm quite pleased with my choice," he spoke outloud.
You heard the door close behind you, and your heart pranced around at his praise. If your ribcage was any less strong you thought it would've been broken by the sheer amount of pounding.
"I'm glad," you responded jovially and rested your head upon his broad shoulders. He grabbed the top of your head gently pushed it more towards him. It wasn't until you felt his gaze on you that you spoke,
"Y'know you tend to stare, Illumi."
"I like looking at you."
"Well no shit, why?"
"I don't know," you assumed he would've stopped there, but he trailed on and explained, "I never know when it comes to you. I do know what I have to do though." He doesn't look you in the eyes.
You don't know what that means exactly, but you don't prod.
"I love you," he said after a moment of silence.
"I love you too."
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You wake up still on Illumi's shoulders to a sky the color of his hair. Instead of his hand on your head it is now around your shoulders in a posessive manner. The texture of the seat taunted you into sleeping again, but you persisted against it.
"You've finally woken up, love."
"Yeah, yeah I'm up."
It wasn't until your eyes truly took in your surroundings beyond the windows that you realized you were not at the Zoldyck mansion.
It looked like plain where the tall grasses could've swallowed you whole. The moon was a martyr dying for it's beauty in the night only to die again and again for the eternal following. Like a lamb to the slaughter, but it walks into the butcher's hands willingly. Is that love?
It was beautiful, like that movie scene, so your hand touched the cold window only to find your condensation imprint.
"You seem confused. Please, let's go outside."
You did not question why, but you complied to his request. He offered you his hand, and you took it as you both step into the chill breeze. Just as you suspected the grass came up to your knees, however you were not swallowed by it.
With his hand still in yours he guided you to a lone tree that couldn't be more than 8 feet away. He said nothing, but the silence is calming.
It was a nice night out, and a perfect way to end this date. Knowing how calculative Illumi was you wondered if he chose today with the weather in mind. Did he have this planned even to the time you arrived that you weren't aware about? Did he have a sense of precognition on your responses that made him feel more in control?
Before you knew it the tree protected you from the frolicking winds as you were now under it.
Illumi let go of your hand, but before you could begin wondering why, he got down on one knee.
A breeze ran past the tree allowing the leaves to fall on your head, but in your stupor you did not pick it from your head. He looked gorgeous and terrifying all in the same ways.
Somehow, your mind goes back to a memory of him. While your dates outside the mansion were few and far in between the first one had been on a night like this. You remember how much more cautious you were of Illumi along with how much you despised the man. He told you he desired you, which caused you to cry. His hands wiped your tears, but the night continued on. That was all in the past.
"Y/N, I think it is of the best interest for the both of us to be married. I want you to be my wife."
The way he spoke was very Illumi-esque: it's matter of fact, and it's straight to the point. You knew there is no saying no, but not that you would've wanted to.
You held your morality and sanity in both your palms, almost like you cupped it to drink water. They do not exist without eachother in your psyche. If you no longer have morals, then you would deem yourself insane and corrupt. If you had no more sanity then it must be due to a lack of morals. You swirled it around. You gave it a taste. Yet, you promised yourself to never lose either in the face of disastrous events like these.
Both your morality and sanity shone under the moonlight in your makeshift cup with your fingers. However, you found when Illumi walked in, like the perilous man he is, he'd take your bowel apart and let the liquid fall. It came to you that Illumi could be mind controlling you with his needles, like how he controled his needlemen to work for him until they died on his assassin missions. You realized you could care less. Now, you are here seconds away from deciding your future.
The ring was beautiful if not borderline kitschy. It looked like it fit your ring finger, but the diamond was too large to look normal on you. The design was extravagant, but the individual parts seemed more attractive than the whole.
You did not want to keep Illumi waiting for your answer so you spoke,
"Yes, yes I will."
There was no turning back. Illumi embraced you as your fiancee now, so you returned the affection.
"You belong to me," he said with a yearning you hadn't heard until now. As if you were a dead fly on the window sill, his hair was the curtain shielding you from your surroundings. Your hands wrapped around his neck and you willingly kissed his cheek.
Yes, it's all okay now.