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The forest clearing was washed with the reds and oranges of the roaring bonfire in its centre, safely away from the bordering trees that swayed in the light breeze. As with any other Templar celebration, music drifted into the air and mingled with the psionic whispers of those that sat and softly spoke instead of dancing.
Ri’kara sat close, almost up against his side should he have decided to rest his arm against the log behind her, and watched with wide, curious eyes at the ones that danced in a ring around the flickering flames.
“Perhaps you wish to join them?”
Her head snapped up and she shrugged. “… Maybe. I would like it if you joined me for once, though. I think it would do you some good.”
“As I have said many times before; I do not enjoy the idea of performing for an audience.”
“Only for me, hm?” She laughed softly.
“Tch. That is not what I said.”
"Well, fine, I suppose I’ll still go even if you're going to be boring." Ri'kara shot him a smirk and moved in to take the hand of one of the dancers as they stretched it out to her, letting herself be whisked around the perimeter of the campfire and joining the laughter that floated just above the music.
He would have been a little irritated to have missed out on being the one to do that if only he hadn't been so captivated. He found he couldn't take his eyes off her as she twirled and laughed with the others, the flickering firelight catching her skin and the glittering bands she decorated her cords with. Every so often, when she was in a position to do so, she would meet his eyes and give him a smile that he was sure he hadn’t seen before from her, constricting his hearts in his ribcage tight enough that he thought he could not breathe—
“You are staring, you know." Artanis flopped down beside him in the grass, causing him to start slightly, pulled abruptly from his reverie with a scowl.
"I was not."
The Templar chuckled, giving him a knowing look and then a smile that upturned his pretty blue eyes; something else to give a twinge in his chest. "Of course not. Why not take her for a short walk once she is done? Let yourself have some privacy; I am sure she would enjoy exploring the forest."
"And getting lost." Alarak rolled his eyes. "What exactly are you trying to imply?"
He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Nothing. I am only suggesting you allow yourself to indulge in the mood of the evening. You will not have an opportunity like this again for a while."
For a moment, the Tal’darim looked around himself, searching for the Matriarch’s watchful green eyes; it must have been partially her idea. “As though I would leave myself any more exposed than I already have, Artanis.”
“Vorazun did not tell me to suggest anything, if that is who you are looking for.” Artanis rested his hand against his arm. “There are still guards around; I would not let anything happen to you.”
“So this was entirely you, hm?”
“Yes. You always look so worn down when you return from Slayn, and the frequency of your trips as of late has left you… Hollow. I worry for you, my friend.”
The softness in his voice melted Alarak slightly, a sigh leaving him as he rubbed his tired eyes. “I will have to leave again; no matter if it is draining, Artanis, it is necessary.”
“I know, which is why it is convenient that we are celebrating the solstice before you leave; a chance to relax and recharge.” He smiled in that brotherly way he always did that still somehow made his hearts skip despite how futile it was. “She worries for you when you are gone as well. I am only suggesting that you enjoy yourselves without so much pressure.”
Alarak found himself nodding in agreement, and they sat close in the grass watching the group dance, watching Ri’kara dutifully keep in step with the others and smile as though for once she had little to be concerned about.
After a while, she tired herself out, breaking from the circle and flopping her whole body against the ground next to them, panting heavily.
“I-I think that’s enough fun for me for a little while.” She gasped, rolling up her sleeves and exposing her scarred, speckled legs a little to take in more air. “I should have just worn my regular uniform…”
“You danced well, Ri’kara.” Artanis chuckled at her state and then shot him a smirk. “A beautiful sight, would you not agree, Val’ka?”
Alarak returned the smirk with a soft glare at the predicament that he had forced them into. He would have retaliated, but Ri’kara got there first, sitting up quickly and waving both hands in front of herself as a deep blush spilled across her face.
“There are many very beautiful Protoss here, Hierarch, I’m hardly one of them—”
There it was; whatever irritation he had felt towards Artanis immediately switched to irritation that she would degrade herself in such a manner. He held up one hand, cutting her off. “I agree; she was most beautiful.”
The satisfaction of watching both of them stare at him with wide eyes was enough to override the little rational voice that told him not to go too far. He let out a soft chuckle and shrugged.
“I am merely stating fact; I believe anyone would say the same.”
The Templar recovered quickly, smiling at him in a way that was twinged with pride and nodding. “Of course; you should not speak of yourself in that way, Ri’kara.”
She hesitated, looking between the both of them before lifting a hand to play with that clasp. “I-I suppose… Thank you for the compliment.”
After a short silence, Alarak stood, gesturing for her to do the same. He was a little eager to try Artanis’ suggestion, if only to get it over and done with.
Looking up at him, Ri’kara tilted her head, brow furrowing in that cute way it always did, putting a little wrinkle between her eyes. “Hm?”
“Artanis suggested you explore the forest. I wish to make sure you do not get lost.”
Her face scrunched further into something of a pout, and she gestured towards the fire with both hands. “As though I couldn’t find my way back.”
He rolled his eyes, adjusting his attempt. “I am inviting you to walk with me.”
“You have such a way with words, Alarak.” Artanis chuckled softly, shaking his head.
“I know; he’s so romantic I might faint right here.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm as she stood, brushing her robes down and shooting him a playful smirk. “Fine, we can explore a bit if you like.”
“Enjoy yourselves.” Artanis waved at the both of them, though Alarak did not look back, just waving a hand behind him as he tried to keep up with the sudden extra burst of energy that Ri’kara had found within herself.
He had thought the forest would be dark, oppressive like some sort of cave. Instead the moon found its way through dappled cracks in the swaying leaves and hanging vines that coiled themselves along the trunks and branches.
“This is… I’ve never seen anything like this before.” Her voice was breathy, full of wonder as she took in everything as though it would be the last time she saw it.
Anything that caught her attention had her rushing over to it. For some reason, she was sure to look back at him, call him over to what she was looking at, be it some plant or an insect. He found it difficult not to play into her whims, chest squeezing at how… carefree she seemed all of a sudden.
They stopped at a ring of flowers in a darker little clearing. They were white, the petals curled and twinged with lilac at the ends. Their stamen reached up out of the elegant trumpet into the air.
“Oh! I know these.” Ri’kara tugged on his robe’s sleeve, pulling him over to the ring and crouching down to get close. He winced a little as his leg began to protest but crouched with her regardless.
“Hm?”
“They’re… I forget the name, but I’ve seen Rialdri use some of these. You grind up the petals to put on infected wounds.”
On closer inspection, he found there were soft purple freckles mixing with that lilac twinge, and he couldn’t help but chuckle and roll his eyes. Even the smell of the pollen was sweet.
“They remind me of you.”
Her head snapped up and she stared at him, a little dumbfounded. Predictably, her whole face turned as purple as the ends of the flowers.
“W-what has got into you tonight—?”
He rolled his eyes and chuckled again, finally getting to shoot her a playful smirk of his own after an entire evening of being teased. “Am I not allowed to compliment a friend, Ri’kara?”
The twinge in his leg was becoming more and more unbearable, and he heaved himself upright again, shifting uncomfortably.
Her eyes widened, and she stood, stepping close to him and laying a hand on his arm, face full of concern. “Are you alright? If you need to leave, we can—”
“I am fine. I may need to rest for a moment, that is all.”
“There’s a tree there.”
For once, he didn’t try to wave her off when she helped him lower himself properly onto the grass, resting his back against the bark of the tree they had hidden behind as her hand slipped into his own and he held her steady in turn when she sat next to him.
Carefully, he opened his robes just enough to pull off his prosthetic, sighing with some relief as the pressure of the constrictive metal eased.
“Maybe we should—”
“Stay here a while? Yes.”
Looking around them, Ri’kara giggled a bit, her crest and face still light lilac from his earlier comment. “Are you sure you didn’t just want to get me alone?”
He rolled his eyes, though he found himself glancing back at the ring of flowers rather than at her face, realising that perhaps his retort wasn’t entirely truthful. “Of course not. As I said; Artanis suggested that I accompany you.”
“For once you aren’t very convincing.” That giggle rolled into a soft, musical laugh, and she shuffled closer to rest a hand on his arm, tearing his gaze away from the plants and back to her face. Her large eyes were upturned in that soft smile that he had quickly learned was disarming in a way that he could not fight against, the soft red rimmed with the dark circles that never seemed to go away.
His rational mind was quick to be judgmental; what he suddenly wanted to do was a poor idea. Right then, however, watching the sparse moonlight filter through the canopy leaves onto her still slightly flushed face, his hearts were saying quite the opposite. They had been all evening.
How irritating.
“Alarak?” Ri’kara tilted her head, bringing him out of his own thoughts just enough to pay attention. “Are you alright?”
His chest tightened as she leant a little closer, his abdomen seemed filled with snakes, but he nodded as suddenly, impulsively, he decided to catch both of her wrists in his hands, gently pulling her forward.
She made an adorable little squeak as she was pulled, and her shoulders moved more noticeably as he hovered only a breath away from her face. He felt himself hesitate as he realised exactly what was about to happen, and she nervously caught his eye.
“A-are you sure about that?” She whispered, trembling a little in his grip. The blush on her face was deep enough that he could feel the warmth; it suddenly became difficult to speak.
He nodded again, gently brushing against her cheek. “Yes.”
This was something Alarak had only ever done a handful of times before, mind addled with the haze of Terrazine in a darkened temple room, and never because he truly desired it. It felt strange to want to do it, to be as close as he was to her.
After another moment, he made himself plant a spark against her soft skin, feeling her flinch at first, but she didn’t move away. The second was easier; he was able to press his face properly to hers, and she melted, her eyes slipping closed.
The kiss only lasted for a few moments, but when they pulled away and looked at each other, there was a brief flicker of an expression that he had never seen before across her face. He gently let go of her wrists, moving back, aiming to apologise for how impulsive he had been; he hadn’t even asked for permission—
Without warning, just as he was about to give shape to his concerns, Ri’kara all but threw herself at him, almost tipping him backwards against the tree trunk with the shock of it as she pushed her face on his with a more intense spark and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Immediately he found himself returning it, pulling her properly into his lap once he was steady and letting his own eyes slip half-closed. There was something more heated about it that made his hearts beat faster. She pressed herself against his chest and made a soft purr between more little sparks when he allowed himself to slip his hands down to her waist.
He found he liked it all far too much, and he returned more of her needy kisses with ones of his own, holding her more tightly and letting out a soft, low growl.
Her hands slipped under the collar of his robes and down to his shoulder, pushing the fabric off him and out of the way, and suddenly the rational part of his mind reared its head again, realising what might happen if things went too far. He shivered, and it took a surprising amount of willpower to gently pull away from her. Catching her eye and dragging her from her little reverie, for a moment he wanted so desperately to hold her pretty face in his hands.
“Ri’kara.”
That intimate little bubble burst as she blinked, her soft expression shifting to one of intense shame and embarrassment.
“S-sorry, I—” Her eyes welled a little with tears, and she quickly scrambled off his lap, tucking herself back up against the curve of the tree root and blinking the vapour away and trying to laugh instead. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me—”
Alarak spoke softly, pushing his own apprehension down as he recognised the need to be gentle. He rested a hand on her arm and tried to catch her eye. “I started that. You have done nothing wrong.”
Unexpectedly, Ri’kara put one hand on his cautiously, even if she couldn’t look at him. She evidently needed the comfort as her voice shook despite her trying to sound stern. “I suppose. It won’t happen again, I promise.”
He put on his prosthetic and stood after another moment, shifting in place experimentally before offering her a hand to help her up. “I should be the one to say that.”
She hesitated before taking it, letting him get her to her feet and sighing softly, brushing herself off and trying to stop the tears that were threatening to well up in her eyes again with another short laugh.
“Well… It’s fine, you’re fine, we can… It didn’t happen. We can say it didn’t happen.”
Somehow, that left a deep pit of disappointment in his chest, but he tried to keep his tone light, nonchalant. “What did not happen?”
Ri’kara looked up at him for a moment and smiled weakly, shaking her head. “Good, you’re learning.”
Taking a moment, he adjusted his robes, putting the sleeves back on properly. She had turned completely away, waving her hands in front of her face as if it would somehow lessen the blush that he could still see lingering on the edges of her crest.
“Come; I will take you back now.” He offered his arm. “I am sure that they will be wondering where we have gone.”
She started at the sound of his voice, as though she had suddenly been lost in thought, but turned and took it gingerly, hand almost hovering to avoid touching him again as he led her from their little hiding place and back the way that they came.
The silence grew more tense between them the longer it was left to fester; suddenly their little excursion seemed like a miles-long journey. Any excitement from the Protoss beside him had been sapped away, the troubled look on her face pitting worry in his chest where an hour before there had been that affectionate squeeze.
Finally, they found their way back to the clearing and the campfire. Artanis waved them over to where he was lounging with the Matriarch, his smile fading just slightly when he looked between the two of them. His eyes held curiosity, some worry in them, and Alarak tried to smile slightly in return to cover up whatever he had noticed as he glanced down at his companion.
“Are you prepared to sit with them?”
“It’s only polite; I’ll be fine.”
Despite his better judgement, they sat in the grass, and immediately, the Matriarch took the opportunity to put herself in between Artanis and Ri’kara, catching her eye with a friendly smile.
“So this is the fifth Ascendant’s little shadow. I’ve been wanting to meet you for such a long time.”
Ri’kara was, as always, quick to put on that amicable mask despite her earlier outburst, smiling softly and bowing her head as deeply as she could without putting her head against the grass. “Matriarch. It’s good to meet you. I’m sorry, I’m always so busy.”
“Yes, these two certainly have you running around often enough. You may call me Vorazun, you know.”
Artanis laughed softly. “You would be attempting to move a mountain trying to get her to call you by your name. I have told her time and again that she may call me by my name, but she refuses.”
“I-I’m sorry, I’m just not used to it. I’ll try harder, Hierarch.”
He held up both hands towards the sky and chuckled softly. “See? Only the fifth Ascendant gets the privilege.”
“How lucky.” The Nerazim’s green eyes fixed themselves on Alarak, the smug, knowing expression in them sparking the usual irritation in his chest. He had to resist the urge to return the look with a scowl.
They sat and spoke for a while as the moon began to move from the centre of the sky towards the horizon, the bonfire slowly ebbing to smoldering chunks of wood that crackled and sparked lazily. It wasn’t long before the four of them were almost alone.
Finally, Artanis noticed this, standing with the three of them and offering the Matriarch his arm. Alarak tried not to allow the slight jealousy at this take him, instead focusing on Ri’kara, who had, again, gingerly taken his own arm as he had offered; he assumed that the only reason that she properly held on to him was to keep up the façade.
Shame danced in her eyes as they walked behind the other two, and though he tried to catch her attention, she seemed in her own world. Somehow, it stung, but it also put him on edge. He hated the awkward silence that hung there while the soft whispers of a private psionic conversation went on in front of them.
“Ri’kara—”
She started, finally looking up at him. “I’m fine.”
“You are a poor liar.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry.”
Carefully, after making sure that the other two were suitably engrossed in each other, he gave in to another impulse and put his arm around her, resting his hand on her shoulder even as she flinched. He said nothing else, but she leaned into the contact as they walked.
Idly, he turned over what had happened in his mind, trying to push away the eagerness that had coloured the experience to figure out what had gone wrong. Had he hurt her? Gone too far? She would have said something, surely. Her inability to explain was almost driving him mad—
“I’m allowed to be embarrassed. It will pass.” She reached up to pat his hand gently, her voice almost a whisper. “Don’t worry; it isn’t you. You’d take a rejection without trouble.”
He could only hope that she was telling the truth. The silence did not ease at all the further they walked. Finally, as they got back into the city properly, he let go of her, hoping that the Matriarch in particular had not seen them walking as they had been.
“Alarak.” Artanis caught his attention as they stood at a dimly lit crossroads.
“Hm?”
“I would like to speak with you tomorrow.” He glanced down at Ri’kara for a moment. “Alone.”
“… Is there a reason?”
He shook his head, offering a reassuring smile. “Do not worry.” Then he stood a little straighter, addressing them aloud. “Goodnight, both of you. Thank you for entertaining our little customs.”
The Matriarch put a hand on Ri’kara’s shoulder, smiling at her kindly. “I’ll come and find you at some point very soon; I wouldn’t mind a chat without the boys involved.”
She faked a cute giggle and nodded, bowing. “I would like that.”
It seemed to convince her, at least on the surface; the affectionate look she gave the little Tal’darim was one that Alarak had never thought she would be capable of.
They both offered bows of their own before strolling down one of the marked paths, the slight shimmer of cloaked figures following after them.
His companion’s smile faded once they were out of sight, and she sighed.
“Are you—?”
She waved a hand dismissively. “You keep trying to ask me that. I’m… Just tired, alright? It’s been a long night.”
“… I will escort you to your quarters.”
“If you’re sure.”
He scoffed softly. “As though it is out of my way; I would not allow you to go back alone at this time regardless.”
She nodded and made sure then to keep more distance between them than usual as they began to walk again, wringing her hands together and playing with her fingers as she turned something over in her mind. He wished he knew what it was, though something in his chest told him it would be better not to pry.
Once they were back to her room, he reached out and gently squeezed her arm; something that Artanis often did to him for comfort. He was sure to punctuate it with a small smile.
“Goodnight.”
“… Goodnight, Alarak. Sleep well.”
He realised then, as the door closed, that he had been so concerned about her that he hadn’t even thought about his own reaction to the whole thing. As he made the journey back to his own quarters, he also began to realise that the only negative part was the voice in the back of his mind that chastised him for daring to do something so impulsive, even if they had been alone.
The rest of him was ecstatic, almost drowning out that voice with how oddly giddy it had made him that she was suddenly willing to reciprocate; even though he had crossed that invisible line, she had been so eager to cross it with him. A small glimmer of hope that maybe she could reciprocate more momentarily overtook him—
Do not be a fool.
He shut his door, frowning deeply. The fact that he was barely negatively affected but she had put him on edge. For him, it had been a brief lapse in judgement because of his stubborn feelings towards her that refused to leave. For her… Her reaction was a clear indication that she was conflicted, and since she would not explain, he could only assume the worst.
She was right. He could take a rejection, yes; he already had, after all, but did she have the courage to give him one, or was she just playing to his whims out of fear?
Carefully, he removed his robes and moved to his washroom, his bad leg had already been complaining, but the final walk back into the city had ramped up the pain in it from the pressure the metal put on his limb. He ran the water, sitting on the bath’s edge and removing the prosthetic with a relieved sigh, contemplating everything that had happened all over again.
If only he hadn't taken Artanis’ advice.
He gave himself a little shake as he lowered himself into the water, the warmth easing the discomfort in the stump of his leg. I am sure my next trip will allow her to calm and allow me to regain some of my self-control. Perhaps she may even explain herself.
The next Rak’Shir was between the still fairly new First Ascendant and a new challenger, one that had initially very quickly risen through the ranks of the old Chain before it had been reduced to only the five Ascendants and himself.
It had caught Alarak’s interest at the time; most warriors on the Chain had been grateful that they were no longer bound to the oath to rise higher, did not have to live every day waiting to be challenged, but this one… This one had a goal in mind, and that meant, at least, that he could put aside the mess of his own emotions to refocus his attention on planning.
It could be that the challenger would finally be enough to usurp him if he was not prepared.
The door closed. Ri’kara stared at it for several long moments before letting the tears well up in her eyes again as she began to undress to sleep. Anger bubbled up and mixed with the shame as her hands shook.
“That was fucking stupid.” She chastised herself as she folded her robes and let the tears fall, vapour clouding her vision. “The whole thing. You should have more control over yourself than that, Ri’kara, what were you thinking?!”
Her insides twisted as she tried to push away the memory. Something had just… clicked. He suddenly took hold of her wrists and pulled her closer in a way that should have reminded her of Ialdir, but didn’t, the first feather-light brush against her cheek that had made her shiver in a way that she had only really heard described. He had properly kissed her in that next moment and in that one psionic spark every other attempt to try and be intimate with another Protoss had become foolish and trivial; she didn’t fit with anyone else, she fit with him. She wouldn’t have even been ready for such an encounter and yet every cell in her body had suddenly wanted nothing more than…
She sank to the floor, resting her back against her bed and letting herself continue to sob just to release the horrible ball of emotion lodged in her chest. All that yearning and want and shame.
It took a little while, but she finally calmed down, wiping her eyes and taking in more air as she tried to at least turn over the whole thing with more of an objective eye. There was a realisation then, for just a moment while going back to the way he had looked at her, the way he had acted in such a strange way, that he might have felt the same—
“No. Shut up. Stop that. It was just… A spur of the moment thing. He didn’t want you, he just wanted… He likely just gave in to an impulse; it could have happened with anyone else.” Her arms pulled themselves around her middle and she shook herself.
Even if he had reassured her that she had done nothing wrong, that he had started it, she couldn’t help but blame herself for continuing, for giving in to what had briefly overtaken her. She couldn’t want this, couldn’t want him.
“It… didn’t happen anyway. That’s what you said; that’s what you agreed. It didn’t happen.”
The platitude didn’t exactly make her feel better, but it was enough to make her stand and go to her washroom, to run a bath and hope that the water would wash away the lingering sensation of the way that his hands had felt on her.
Finally, exhausted, she dried off and crawled into her bed, making her usual cocoon to drift off into a fitful, dream-filled sleep.
She awoke in the mid-morning the next day a tangled mess of limbs and sheets, her face and crest burning hot from a heavy blush. For a few moments, she forgot how to move, just trying to take in the walls of her room and as much air as she could manage to steady her ragged gasps. As she grounded herself, began to gingerly move her legs out from where they were wrapped up in her blankets, more of that embarrassment and shame washed over her. The dream, still lingering on the edges of her consciousness, only further confirmed what the Tal’darim had dreaded about herself the night before.
Then, the icy grasp of anxiety took hold of her as she shot upright, eyes swiveling to the blinking light on the communicator by her door. Orange. Someone had been trying to contact her.
“Fuck—”
Practically falling out of bed, she rushed to the balcony window first, peeking between the curtains and squinting at the sun, high in the sky and streaming more unbearable warmth through the glass.
“By the void, how am I supposed to explain this?”
Her mind raced as she ran into her washroom and scrubbed herself down with cold water to try and cool herself off and get the horrible sweat from her skin. She had never been late, but for this to be the reason that she was late was the most mortifying thing to ever have happened in the almost six hundred years she had been alive. If she had to even look at him once today…
Throwing on her usual outfit, not even bothering with her cords yet, she stepped up onto the stool and checked her communicator. The Hierarch. Multiple times he had tried to reach her. More anxiety formed a pit in her abdomen, and she let out short grumble, making herself as presentable as she could as she pressed several places on the screen.
Almost immediately, his face appeared, one brow raising at the sight of her.
“Ri’kara, are you—?”
“Yes, Hierarch, I’m fine.” She bowed her head as deeply as she could without making herself disappear from the display, trying to bite back the irritation from that damned question. “I’m deeply sorry, I seem to have overslept—”
He held up a hand, offering a reassuring smile. “You were out late. I promise you will not be in trouble for doing that at least once; we were just worried about your absence.”
“’We’?”
“I had to speak with the fifth Ascendant before he left; he is still with me, though once we realised that we had not heard from you all morning, he was going to have your guard check on you.”
She waved her hands in front of her. “I promise that won’t be necessary. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Take your time. He will be leaving shortly, and I wished to have a talk with you alone, if at all possible.”
There was a little relief in that. At the very least she wouldn’t have to see him after what her mind’s eye had decided to fill her head with. “Yes, Hierarch… Could you tell Val’ka to travel safely. Please.”
He stopped briefly, giving her a glance she didn’t understand before smiling and bowing his head. “Of course.”
The communicator closed, a sadness following after that mixed into the relief. She wouldn’t have to see him, wouldn’t have to be reminded of anything that had happened during the night, but at the same time… She knew he wouldn’t be seeing him for a while.
“It’s fine, Ri’kara, just… get yourself presentable and go and see what the Hierarch wants.”
Artanis tapped his claws against the desk he had leant against, waiting in the silence, turning his earlier conversation with Alarak over in his mind, almost going mad with how long it seemed to take for Ri’kara to arrive as he burned with curiosity. For something like that to have happened between them… He needed to know her perspective, if it really had troubled her so much and why.
He couldn’t help but stand up straighter as the door finally opened and she stepped inside, as always bowing so deeply that most of her long cords trailed the floor.
“Good afternoon, Ri’kara. Sit if you wish.”
“… Yes, Hierarch.”
She looked… almost embarrassed. Her eyes quickly scanned the room as though she were looking for something while she carefully stepped to perch on one of the soft chairs around a low, round table.
He joined her, turning his own chair towards her and folding his hands in his lap. The silence was odd. In addition to the embarrassment, he noticed how after she played with her hands, how tense her body seemed. He hadn’t imagined it; something was bothering her.
“What can I do for you, Hierarch?” She gently prompted, gesturing towards him.
He hesitated; he wasn’t exactly in a position to get the information from her, considering their own distant relationship, but after his earlier conversation… There had to be a way to ask without outright revealing that he had been told what had happened between them.
“I… wished to check on your wellbeing, Ri’kara. It has been a tumultuous few months with the fifth Ascendant’s frequent trips. I had invited you both to the solstice so that you could relax, but… You seemed troubled as we were returning.”
“I’m fine, Hierarch.” She smoothed her skirts and sighed. “I’m grateful for the invitation, and it was a pleasant evening; I seem to have just exhausted myself, that’s all.”
“… Ri’kara, it troubles me that you are so exhausted, and I wanted to get to the bottom of why.”
Her eyes narrowed slightly, her head tilting as for a moment she properly met his gaze. “You seem like you have a specific theory in mind.”
“I wonder how much effort you need to put into being so friendly with Val’ka.”
“What?”
“I realise that we have never addressed the issue of rank and how you might see your relationship with him. I am concerned that you are acting in order to keep the peace, and if you have ever felt obligated to be pleasant to him because of that—”
She held up both hands quickly, waving them slightly. “Hierarch, I have no idea where this came from, but…” She searched his face, brow furrowed in disbelief at what he was saying. “The only time that rank had ever been an issue was at the beginning when he resented me for being a phase-smith; something that isn’t surprising considering how sore the rebellion left him. That was resolved. I haven’t ever felt obligated to act like anything around him at all. You should know that; I’ve been very vocal whenever he has been out of line.”
Relief washed over him. Alarak’s theory had been rattling in his mind along with everything else since he had said it. The idea that they might have been putting her through such an ordeal…
“That is a relief to hear.”
“But… I’m very confused by where that came from, you have spent countless hours in our company.”
Artanis sighed a little, leaning forward. “… Val’ka… He has mentioned the idea a few times; it is often a concern of his considering how differently this would have gone if you were still a phase-smith in the Tal’darim.”
Recognition flashed across her eyes, and lilac spilled across her crest and face as her expression fell into a frown.
“Hierarch, I consider him a friend. I don’t really care about old ranks, and the only way that I would have ever been bothered is if he had been an Overseer.”
“Alright.”
Her voice shifted from firm to cautious in the next moment. “You still seem like you want to ask something else.”
“I do, yes…” He hesitated. “If that was not a front, then I cannot help but notice how you both acted around each other. I have noticed it elsewhere in brief moments, but it was particularly prominent yesterday evening.”
“… What are you implying?”
“You certainly acted as though you were more than friends, and I—”
Her answer was too quick, a slight edge to her voice. “I act no differently than I would with any one of my friends; our relationship is about as intimate as it is between the two of you.” After another moment, she softened as she added with a nervous laugh; “Unless there’s something you’re not telling me.”
Artanis thought back for a moment to Alarak, to his confession in the sun-drenched training room, and shook his head, smiling gently. “No; we are friends, nothing more.”
“Then there’s your answer.”
All he could do in that moment was nod. He was too gentle, and he knew it. It wouldn’t work with her the way that it had with Alarak, and if he kept beating around the bush, he would never find the proof he wanted.
In the ensuing silence, she seemed to freeze, eyes narrowing just enough that he realised she’d pieced his clumsy interrogation together. She was not quite like her abrasive counterpart, however, and took a more tactful approach.
“… Why the sudden curiosity?”
The careful way she asked made him feel compelled to answer. “It is not a sudden curiosity, Ri’kara, I… ” Artanis shrugged a little. He briefly wondered if what he was about to say was a good idea. “You love him; it is painfully obvious to anyone who is looking hard enough.”
She stared at him as though she were a trapped prey animal. Her crest and face turned a deeper shade of lilac, and her eyes widened in the shock of his words. It was, however, only for a moment, as her whole expression dropped into a deep, almost venomous frown. It reminded Artanis starkly of Alarak’s own, and he braced himself for a sharp outburst.
“… Hierarch, with all due respect, there is nothing like that between us. I’d like to think he views me as a friend, but that is as far as I would expect him to feel about it, wouldn’t you? Whatever you think happened yesterday, you can put it out of your head; it did not happen. I looked troubled later on because I was tired, and that is it. There is nothing more.”
Her voice was calm, level, though frighteningly icy; he had unintentionally struck a nerve. She even spoke like Alarak did when cornered, with that emphasis on certain words and the drawn in, sharp movements of her hands.
Still, once he collected himself, he gave her a look; a soft, knowing look. The benefit, he realised, of them being so similar was that he could tell when they were both trying to very convincingly lie; she hadn’t even tried to deny his statement.
“Y ou both cannot keep lying to yourselves—”
Ri’kara held up a hand, stopping him. “Again, we are friends. I am grateful I can even say that. Now, if there’s nothing else, I’d like to go and rest a little more, thank you.”
She stood quickly after that, somehow managing to muster her usual polite bow before heading towards the door as quickly as he could, as though trying to give him no space to argue or reply.
He stood to go after her, reaching out both hands as though he could somehow reach across the room. “Ri’kara, please—"
Thankfully, she stopped, a soft sigh leaving her as though preparing for more interrogation.
“Yes, Hierarch?”
“I apologise. I see now I should not have been so intrusive.”
She turned to look at him, really look at him, then softened after a few moments, holding up both hands in a calming, defensive sort of motion. “No, no… I… I am sorry, I didn’t mean to be so combative, it’s…”
“I understand.”
Lowering her hands, she folded the scarred, calloused fingers together and focused her eyes on a spot on the floor, avoiding his gaze.
“I know what you’re trying to do , but you forget that if… If I did love him, if somehow he loved me- and come on now -it wouldn’t change anything; we would never be able to act on such feelings.” Her sigh was almost wistful. “I was beaten just for helping, remember? I have to travel everywhere with a guard, how do you think it would go if there were anything more than just ‘they know each other fairly well’?”
Artanis nodded. In his curiosity and his eagerness to see the both of them happy, in his elation that he had managed to push them closer, he had forgotten just how dangerous the whole thing was; of course nothing would ever be admitted, not while things were the way that they were.
“Besides anything else, there’s going to be a time where he’s not going to be here anymore. No; if there were something between us, I could not want it. Even just being friends with him, I know that it’s going to eventually destroy me—”
“As though he would allow himself to die.” He tried to be lighthearted, a little laugh punctuating his words even as his chest constricted with apprehension at her words.
She scoffed at that. “As though he has a choice in the matter. He’s a stubborn bastard; you know how difficult it was just to get the Chain cut down. It’s like he measures his worth by how many times he can keep winning. No, Hierarch, he will die. Sooner than us. He’ll die and then we’ll have to carry on with whoever takes his place as if nothing happened and we didn’t care at all.”
The Tal’darim seemed far off all of a sudden, unfocused, as though imagining the scenario in her mind. Carefully, he took a step forward.
“Ri’kara—"
His voice seemed to break the spell, and he swore he saw her eyes well up with tears before she let out a soft little laugh, blinking and waving a hand in front of her.
“I’m sorry, I’m still tired. Look… I am grateful that you seem so concerned with our happiness. I know that he is your friend; he’s mine too, and I am more than fine with that arrangement.”
“Alright.” He gave her a short bow. “I will not bring up the topic again.”
“… Did he… Tell you something?”
“No.” Artanis lied; “Only that you exhausted him with how energetically you decided to pull him through the forest. I can understand why you slept in.”
She nodded, the look in her eyes clearly showing how little she believed him. “Yes. It was pleasant. Is there anything else?”
“No. Thank you.”
With a bow, she left the room, letting the door close gently behind her.