Work Text:
Izuku had thought that after the war he would be able to sleep again. No more being so high strung, anxious, and terrified that people were coming for him that he wasn’t able to sleep. He spent so many days running on nothing, taking short naps that he would wake up from whenever someone moved just a bit too much whenever he felt slightly safe enough to do so because he got no sleep or no more than a fews hours the night before. Hell, the first thing he thought of after the final battle was over, after making sure everyone was safe and it was actually done, was that he would finally be able to sleep again. It was naive and he couldn’t have been more wrong.
Everyone says that after veterans, because that’s what he is now, come back from war, they have a hard time sleeping and adjusting. But that just couldn’t happen to him. He’s not even really a soldier or veteran. He was just helping people and doing his job. It’s what a hero does, heroes help people. He did everything right. He went to UA, got his provisionary license, followed all the rules whenever he morally could, and didn’t give up on the fight when so many other heroes did. He’s a teenager, not a war veteran. He shouldn’t be able to say that he’s technically a war veteran. War veterans are adults who purposely sign up to fight, they risk giving everything for what they believe is right. All he did was fight villains. If he got out of his head just a little bit, then he would see how hypocritical towards himself he was being. He wouldn’t say this to any of his friends if they said that they were veterans or that they had problems.
He shouldn’t be able to say that he can’t sleep because he is still on such high alert even though the war has been over. There are no more villains he needs to watch out for, no more Shigaraki, no more All for One. There is no reason he should still be on such high alert 24/7. But he is. He’s forced to be on such high alert all the time and he can never get any sleep because of it, and it’s not for a lack of trying. It’s like he’s everything, but nothing helps. At first he assumed that the lack of sleep after the first few days was just because of lingering nerves that would go away after a few days. Sleep would come easy after those few days and everything would be normal, but it didn’t go like that. He would lay in his bed for hours on end trying every trick in the book to go to sleep. Counting backwards and forwards, working out, playing music or white noise, and making sure it was quiet. Nothing worked.
Izuku is exhausted. It’s turned from a passive type of tired and sluggishness into an all consuming, bone deep tiredness. Everyone struggled for a bit, how couldn’t they? They fought, struggled, and watched people die, but they’re getting better and Izuku isn’t. He knows they’ve noticed. He can tell from the worried glances in passing and the hushed whispers and hands over their mouths when they think that he can’t see them. He can barely pay attention in class, falls behind in training, and can’t stay engaged in conversations with his friends anymore. They probably think that something is wrong, but he is just so tired that he can’t do anything else.
That leads him to where he is right now. Laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. How much time has even passed at this point? It’s been hours, he knows it has, but everything seems to blend together. Earlier in the night he decided to excuse himself from where all of 1-A, sans Kacchan and a few others, were sitting in the commons doing homework and talking in the slightest hope of being able to get any sleep. He thought that tonight might've finally been the night where he would be able to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. He only managed to get about an hour of sleep in before he woke up. The sky is still dark, and his classmates are asleep now if the quiet in the dorms is anything to go by, so he can’t even go sit in the commons with everyone else to feel less alone. He groans and lightly throws his head back against the pillow before bringing his hands up to his face and digging his palms into his eyes. This is miserable. He feels miserable.
A nightmare just had to be the thing that woke him up today. If it was just a noise then he would at least have a chance at being able to go back to sleep, but rarely could he do that with nightmares. After those he was always forced to just sit there and stew in his own thoughts and worries. This time he dreamed that Shigaraki was alive and had somehow gotten into the dorms to hurt everyone because of him. He was never fast enough to stop him from disintegrating his friends in front of him. It was like moving through jello and being so weak that he could barely move, he was in slow-motion while everything else was too fast for him to really do anything about. He felt completely and utterly powerless. It got worse when Shigaraki got to Kacchan. Izuku screamed and cried for him to not touch him, but all he had gotten in response was Shigaraki’s unhinged smile and cruel laugh that still echoed through his mind as he held a thrashing Bakugou down and touched the last of his five fingers that was not yet on his body down, but for some reason Kacchan didn’t disintegrate completely. He was still dead, but Izuku was able to see his face and unseeing eyes and he screamed and cried over his dead body. He’d woken up with a start after that. His heart was pounding and he was sweaty, but at least this time he wasn’t screaming.
Seeing his dead body like that was so reminiscent of seeing it on the battlefield. He never wanted to see him covered in his own blood and wounds again. Laying in his bed and not hearing screaming or alarms, he knew he was technically safe, but that didn’t stop the unease. Shigaraki and all of his associates were dead or not a threat anymore. The security systems had all been upgraded and improved even more than they were before, mostly to stop the students and their parents from worrying so much. No one would come for them again in such a short time, and there were no large villain organizations to do it anymore. But what if something had happened while he was asleep anyways? He knew it didn’t make sense, and he knew that if something that big did happen, then he probably wouldn’t be someone able to stop it alone anymore now that he didn’t have his quirk, but he had to check anyways. Sitting in his bed and staring at the ceiling did him no favors for getting back to sleep. All he was doing was wasting his time worrying.
He needed to go check on Kacchan, just quick enough to make sure that he was alive. He wouldn’t even wake him up. He quickly pushed his blanket down off of his body and threw his legs over the side of his bed. He rubbed his hands over his face and threw his hair one last time before getting up and starting to Kacchan’s room. His socked feet quietly padded through the dorm building in the dark, the moonlight from the windows being enough to make sure he didn;t run into anything. He debated using the elevators, but decided against it, instead opting for the stairs. The elevator is too loud, and he knows all the spots on the stairs that would creak and make noise, so at least he could avoid those. He makes it to the door of Kacchan’s room and reaches for the door handle, but hesitates.
This is stupid, if nothing happened and he woke Kacchan up then he would just get yelled at and be so embarrassed that he would refuse to meet his eyes for the next week, but he needed to check or it would eat him alive until he saw him in class in the morning. He pushed the door handle down and pushed in as quietly as he could. At least UA didn’t skimp out on making sure all the hardware in the dorms were good quality and quiet. He lightly steps into his room and closes the door. Katsuki’s pale skin and blonde hair were just visible enough with the light from the window for Izuku to know he was there. Izuku let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he saw the gentle rise and fall of his chest while he slept.
He almost didn’t notice when Katsuki started to stir in his sleep. Fuck. He must look so creepy just standing in his room in the dark and staring at him. He didn’t think this through, he doesn’t have any reasonable explanation for why he’s just standing in his room and looking at him while he sleeps. He doesn’t have time to say anything before Katsuki sleepily squints and talks first.
“De- Izuku? What are you doing in my room?” Izuku can’t even savor the fact that he made an effort to call him by his name rather than Deku. He has to respond quick or he’ll seem like a creep.
“Oh uh, I was just making sure that you were okay.” He barely managed to not stumble over his words in his explanation. He’s going to hate him now and all he wanted to do was to make sure that he was okay. Izuku messed up this time.
“Is something wrong? That doesn’t explain why you’re in my room in the middle of the night.” He was squinting at him now, but not in the tired way, more in the accusing way.
Izuku just deflates, he knows that he can’t hide anything from Kacchan. Lying would probably also just dig himself a deeper hole at this point rather than explaining why Izuku was in his room. “I just had a nightmare and I wanted to make sure that you were okay. I’m sorry it’s stupid and I shouldn’t have come in here and accidentally woke you up.” He turns around quickly to leave before he gets a pillow thrown at him and looks back and the one who threw it.
“Nuh-uh, get back over here dumbass.” Katsuki leans over the side of his bed to flip his lamp on, and part of the room is suddenly bathed in a small, yellow light. He puts his hand our and makes a ‘come here’ motion with his finger while looking equally unimpressed, tired, and concerned ? As much as Izuku doesn’t like that look being directed at him, it’s comforting that he can see Kacchan making any type of face at him after his nightmare. Concern wasn’t the emotion that he expected to see on his face. Reluctantly he drags himself over to the side of his bed and stiffly stands at the side before Katsuki grunts and yanks him down onto it. Izuku makes a noise that absolutely will not admit to being a squeak if he’s ever asked about it in the future while being basically manhandled into a seated position next to Katsuki.
“What- Kacchan!” he whispers through his teeth with his eyebrows raised. He doesn’t want to wake anyone else up tonight, he’s already messed up on that enough. He is promptly ignored when Kacchan starts to talk anyways.
“You never sleep anymore, don’t think I haven’t noticed nerd. What happened that made you check up on me at 2 in the morning?” He just looks at Izuku like he actually cares, and isn’t that a difficult concept to grasp.
“I don’t know. I just had a nightmare where Shigaraki came back,” he could see him slightly stiffen at the name and tried not to visibly deflate even more, “and I couldn’t stop him fast enough. He killed you. I know you were probably safe and there were no alarms going off or anything but I needed to make sure. I’m really sorry I woke you up, I promise I won’t do it again. I just couldn’t get back to sleep and I was worrying.” Izuku was rambling now, just spouting excuse after excuse trying to save himself. Katsuki shushed him and stopped him from talking.
“Izuku it’s fine. I’m okay, don’t apologize.” He gently grabs the side of Izuku’s face and turns it towards his, forcing Izuku out of his increasingly self-deprecating thoughts. Kastuki opens his arms and leans back against his pillow before talking again. “You can stay in here if it would make you feel better, you don’t sleep much. And don’t even try to lie to me and say that you do, I’ve known you since we were brats.”
“What- Kacchan are you sure? You don’t have to offer just because I can’t sleep, that’s my problem.” Izuku looks at Kanchans open arms with barely veiled bafflement and confusion. He feels guilty, he shouldn’t have bothered him in the middle of the night, but he seems so okay with it once he knew why Izuku came? It doesn’t make any sense.
“I wouldn’t fuckin’ offer if I wasn’t okay with it. Who do you think I am? Now, lay your ass down or go to your own room. I’m still planning on sleeping, even if you aren’t.” Katsuki huffs and he looks away from Izuku’s eyes and acts like he really doesn’t care. Izuku smiles and crawls under the blankets and into his arms.
“Thank you Kacchan.” He only gets a grunted ‘mhm’ in response before he rests his head on Kacchan’s chest and his arms loosely around his torso. He shifts under where Izuku is laying and soon the light from the lamp is clicked off and there are two warm arms resting around Izuku’s back. With the arms around him and the steady heart beat under his ear, he’s finally able to close his eyes and sleep without the fear of waking up and not knowing if his nightmares are real. He can just look up and see that they aren’t.