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“Emmrich…wake up”
Rook’s soft voice pulled him from his sleep and his mouth curled up slightly in a sleepy grin. He reached out to pull her into bed with him, but his arms were met with the cool air of the Lighthouse. He peeked one eye open and saw she wasn’t before him as expected. He rapidly blinked both eyes to clear away the sleep from them, but was confused when there was no sign of his beloved. The soft glow of the aquarium lit up Rook’s room and he stood from the couch they called a bed and peered around.
“Dearest, it’s too late for this. Or too early, Maker knows what time it actually is. Rook?” He looked around and saw no signs she had even been in there.
“Emm, come and find me.” Her voice called out again, but it sounded far away and Emmrich couldn’t place the direction her voice was coming from.
“Darling, where are you? Are you hiding from me?” He tossed the blanket onto the couch and began searching the small room for her. He called out to her over and over until she finally responded.
“Please. Please you have to find me!”
She was so far away, her voice so far and so hollow. He could feel the fear in her voice in his very soul as he was frantically searching every nook and cranny of her room. He threw her wardrobe doors open and began rifling through her clothes looking for her feeling like a fool. He knew she wasn’t in her clothes but he had looked everywhere else.
The moment he touched a shirt it crumbled to ash between his fingers and he reeled back in horror as he watched the rest of her clothes crumble and blow away. The shelves of the wardrobe soon followed and he backed away from the rotting wardrobe. He bumped into the table behind the couch and it too began to crumble away.
“No, no, no, no…” he was crying out trying to pull out any kind of spell that could reverse whatever this was, but the room continued to disappear until the floor underneath him was gone. He was falling in an endless void when she called out again.
“Emmrich? Are you there? I can’t find you!”
She was closer than before, but still so scared and Emmrich searched the expanse for her, but was only met with more of the white void.
“Darling! Rook! Please, call out again so I may find you!” His voice was carried away immediately and died before it could ever reach her. The white void started to grow darker at the edges and he heard her voice one more time let out a piercing scream that was filled with terror and desperation, torture and pain.
Rook’s screaming continued to grow louder and louder as the void became darker. Emmrich couldn’t see beyond the black hole that was coming for him and his chest grew tight unable to fully catch his breath. The darkness and the screams surrounded him fully, his lungs no longer drawing breath. His chest burned and he could feel his consciousness slipping from him as he choked on air and the void closed in on him completely.
Gasping for air and being gifted the incredible feeling of air filling his lungs he bolted upright. Sweat dampened his brow and he clutched his chest as he gathered his bearings. He was in Rook’s room… again. He was tangled in her blankets on her couch with his chest heaving as he tried to regain control of his breathing. Slow, deep breaths came raggedly and reality came rushing back with force.
Rook had been gone for three weeks. She had just vanished before his eyes and the team had made almost no progress in locating her or figuring out what happened. He had failed her. Some Fade expert he was. He scoffed and shook his head in disgust at himself.
His hair had grown limp and the mustache he normally kept so neatly trimmed had grown out along with the rest of his facial hair. His normal preening had been left to the wayside the moment Rook was gone. He’d spent every waking hour poring over his research to find something, anything to bring her back. Many nights he had been woken with a start by Davrin or Neve to get him to go to bed, but he would just wave them off and make himself another cup of coffee. He’d switched to coffee from tea to keep himself awake with Lucanis and the two often took turns keeping the other awake.
But tonight Emmrich needed Rook. He needed to be near her and be wrapped in her presence even if she wasn’t there. She was in the Fade and so was he, that was good enough for now. He’d crept into her room after Taash had gone to sleep and studied everything she owned.
The painted skull encased in glass she had purchased in Orlais, a small hand mirror from Varric, a pile of trinkets Manfred had collected and given to her. None of it truly valuable, but all of it priceless. He smiled at the carvings from Davrin and the written out note from Harding with instructions on how to properly build a campfire. Tears filled his eyes at Harding’s note and he ran his fingers over her words. He had learned these very specific instructions on their own camping trip and his heart broke realizing they would never be able to go camping again. Maybe he could go with Rook. Maybe not.
He had made his way to her wardrobe and opened the doors to be instantly met with air redolent of her. The sweetness of her perfume mixed with the unmistakable scent of her instantly overwhelmed him and he had to shut the wardrobe doors again to take a moment to gather himself before slowly opening them once more. He leaned in and buried his face in her clothes breathing in her intoxicating essence and letting it fill his senses. Every inhale healed a small wound within him, but created two more and he was soon quietly sobbing on the floor into Rook’s shirts.
He laid on her cool floor for hours clutching her shirt to his chest and watched the reflection of the aquarium dance off the tile then sobbed all over again reminiscing about how the light reflected off her naked skin. He would follow the reflections on her body with his tongue and she would giggle as he trailed down her stomach until he inevitably managed to find a hidden reflection deep between her thighs. She would squirm and moan beneath him until she was writhing with pleasure, then finally gift him with her release. He would drink up every drop she had to offer and silently beg for more with every stroke of his tongue. Sometimes she would tell him she couldn’t give him anymore, couldn’t sate his unending hunger, but he managed to coax more out of her by crooking his fingers deeper into her and massaging the one spot he knew would get him what they both wanted.
He made it over to the couch eventually and just stared at it trying to not imagine all the times she kissed him softly on his brow as he was reading a letter from a student or how she would listen with great interest while he was explaining yet another theory on the properties of the Fade and how they affect the behaviors of the spirits. He missed her desperately. They had just found each other, how could this have slipped from him so quickly and with no trace of her? Was fate so cruel as to leave him alone after all?
He sneered at the thought and the low simmering anger he had felt for Solas turned into a volcanic rage as he turned and caught sight of the candles on her meditation table.
“This is your fault!” He spat out to the table. “Your incredible shortsightedness, the delusions of grandeur, your audacity and entitlement did this to her. You took her from me. From all of us!”
He grabbed a candle and hurled it against the wall unconcerned with the loud bang it made as it hit crashed into the pile of trinkets from Manfred. They spilled to the floor and Emmrich cried out in anger at the mess. He grabbed another candle and smashed it to the floor with a yell. It wasn’t enough. He grabbed everything he could and smashed it all in his rage. The mirror shattered in pieces on the floor. A porcelain tea pot was hurled at the door and rained down as it exploded into shrapnel.
He stopped and caught his breath at Harding’s instructions and the death of his closest friend finally broke the remaining thread of sanity he had been desperately holding onto. He continued his destruction and pulled out every piece of clothing from the wardrobe and tossed them around the room. He kicked the trinkets around more and stomped the carvings from Davrin. He only stopped when a strong hand clutched his wrist and kept him from destroying the painted skull in glass she loved so much.
He growled in frustration and turned to see who had the gall to stop his thrashing. Taash stood before him with an iron grip on his wrist and eyes filled to the brim with tears.
“Emmrich. You have to stop.” They choked out the words, clearly trying to keep themselves together as well. They were right. His body sagged and he went limp in their arms and they both fell to the floor holding onto each other. They both stayed like that for several minutes as he calmed his breathing and they rubbed slow circles on his back to keep him grounded. No words were needed here as they both knew they were grieving and comforting the loss of Rook and Harding.
Taash finally broke the silence, “We’re gonna fucking kill Solas for what he did to them. All of them.”
Emmrich sat up from where his head rested on their shoulder and sniffled as he swiped his hair back from his brow. “Yes, yes we fucking are.”
“But we need to clean up in here first. Rook’ll be pissed if she comes back to this mess. Come on. I’ll help.” Taash stood and Emmrich looked up at her giving her a sheepish smile.
“You don’t have to do that. This is my mess, I should be the one to clean it up.”
“Yes, you should, but Rook taught me I don’t have to do the things I’m supposed to do alone. So neither do you. You want my help or not?” They held out their hand and Emmrich nodded his head quickly as they helped him up. They began undo his destruction in comfortable silence, Emmrich appreciative of Taash’s steadfast support. He started with gathering Rook’s clothes and carefully checking them all for glass. Taash was provided a broom and dustpan by the magic of The Lighthouse and they swept up the broken pieces of Rook’s treasures into the bin. Guilt washed over him as he watched the gift from Varric be discarded and wondered how he would explain to Rook about her missing items when she returned home.
Spite had heard the commotion and woken up Neve, Manfred had gotten Davrin up when he heard Emmrich’s wails and soon the remaining team was in Rook’s room trying to put it and themselves back together. Furniture was straightened and pictures were re-hung until Rook's room was as much back to before as it could be. The missing decorations that had been broken left noticeable gaps in the space, but it was nothing worse than the hole Rook had left in them when she disappeared.
Emmrich wasn’t ready to leave here yet. He sat on the couch staring at the aquarium just watching the fish swim around and was content for the moment to just exist in a place where she had loved him so completely. Neve was the last of the team to leave and wrapped Rook's blanket around Emmrich's shoulders placing a kiss on the top of his head.
"We'll get her back, Emm, we have to. We can't do this without her." Neve closed the door behind her as she left. Emmrich snuggled himself into his beloved's blanket and slowly drifted off to sleep praying to the Maker that Neve was right.