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He had shaky legs, a pounding headache, and sweat that wouldn’t stop pouring down his back, drowning him in an uncomfortable pool of liquid. Yep, Toya knew what this meant.
Even as Kohane sat him down on the floor and pressed a cold bottle of water against his head, Toya didn’t feel any better. It was as if every nerve in his body was screaming at him, making him want to curl up into a ball and shrink away from the world. He seriously considered it—the darkness would treat his throbbing headache far better than the harsh fluorescent lights.
He was sick. So what? People get sick all the time!
It’s not like Toya had never been sick before.
Usually, it was Akito who got sick. Akito always threw himself headfirst into problems. He tended to be overly caring toward his friends. Naturally, whenever his friends fell ill, Akito was always by their side. He would run out to buy them medicine, steal extra cough drops from the school nurse during her lunch break, and care for their pets when they couldn’t get out of bed. The list goes on.
Toya admired this quality in Akito, as silly as it might sound. But being so caring always comes with a cost; that’s what his dad would have said. That’s how Toya grew up: be quiet, be polite, focus on your studies, and don’t let anyone distract you.
So yes, Toya never knew the right way to be so… caring. So thoughtful. Without practice, it was hard. He learned that the stressful way. He never let himself get close to anyone who was sick. It was too distracting, and besides, why would he want to catch something? He had work to do and a time limit. (And maybe, just maybe, he was a bit of a germaphobe... but don't tell anyone!)
That’s what Toya would have said if he had never met Akito.
About a year ago, Toya had accompanied Akito to see one of Akito’s sick friends. All for the sake of hanging out with Akito.
-
“Could you grab some Tylenol from the side table? Looks like he needs it,” Akito mumbled, pressing two fingers to his friend’s sweaty forehead. Toya nodded quickly and grabbed the plain bottle.
Akito was so protective of his friends. All he wanted to do was make sure they were okay. The first time Toya saw Akito in full "mom mode," taking care of an ill soccer teammate, he was, to put it lightly, astonished. How did Akito treat them with such care? Could Toya ever learn to do that? He wanted to be someone his friends could rely on when they got sick. He wanted… he just wanted Akito to rely on him when he got sick. He wanted, and wanted, and wanted. He wanted so much it hurt. He wanted to spoon-feed Akito soup in bed, wanted to place pills in his palm and tell him it would all be okay, that he’d feel better soon. He wanted to kiss the top of Akito’s head, his nose, his cheeks... and he just—
He was pulled out of his thoughts when Akito quickly shuffled his friend into a sitting position on the bed. Toya hadn’t bothered to ask his name, so he'd just call him “brunette boy” for now. Brunette boy was clutching his stomach and heaving, and Toya…
Toya had no idea what was happening.
He should know, shouldn’t he? He was a teenager; he had been sick plenty of times. But his mind blanked as he stared at the boy. Akito looked panicked, saying something unintelligible, and Toya was so confused. Maybe his stomach hurt? Maybe he needed some ibuprofen?
“I’ll get ibuprofen,” Toya spoke.
“No—what he really needs is a toil—“
Toya never got to hear the end of that sentence.
Brunette boy clutched his stomach tightly and lurched forward, a vile liquid spilling from his mouth. It was brown and contained different chunks of food mixed in. The smell was horrid and utterly disgusting. Toya couldn’t breathe. What had just happened? His heart was pounding so loudly that he was sure even Akito could hear it. Brunette boy had tears streaming down his face, clearly in pain, while an apology tumbled from his lips. Oh God, it did hurt, didn’t it? Holy shit. It was disgusting and painful?
“Hey man, seriously, it’s fine. Toya, grab a towel.” Akito turned his head to look at Toya, who had never wanted to get out of a room so badly. He didn’t even respond as he whipped around and ran out of that room as quickly as his legs could carry him.
The rest of the visit went by in a blur. He couldn’t stop thinking about that one moment. Could humans really produce all that and have it come out of their mouths? He was so glad he wasn’t sick that often. He would never have to experience that. Toya was—and maybe this was a bit childish to admit—downright horrified. He couldn’t go through that. He was scared that he’d end up in pain, crying in a heap of his own undigested food. Toya had a low pain tolerance, and he was really sensitive to strong smells.
So, Toya vowed he would never get sick again. No matter how much social distancing it took.
-
And yeah. See how that backfired?
When Toya and Akito started dating, Akito completely transformed Toya's world. He taught Toya things he never even knew existed—how to kiss, what it felt like to cuddle someone, and how enjoyable one-on-one dates at the beach could be. In short, Toya had no prior dating experience, and he didn't realize how much he longed for physical and intimate moments until he shared those experiences with Akito.
Even before they began dating, Toya wanted to be by Akito's side all the time. Naturally, that desire remained as their relationship evolved into something romantic. This was especially true when it came to…
Taking care of Akito when he was sick.
Yes, yes, Toya promised he wouldn’t get sick ever again, but how could Toya possibly ignore his favorite person in physical pain? He dropped everything and walked straight from school to a special bakery that Akito wanted to try, then went directly to his house. Toya still remembers those nights spent together so vividly; they weren’t long ago—just a couple of days at most.
He loved discovering new things about his partner. When he learned that Akito had a fear of pills, it felt like a secret door had opened. Toya realized he was learning new things about Akito every day, and this knowledge was precious to him. It was silly, cute, and endearing, and Toya just wanted to squeeze Akito's cheeks and kiss his worries away until pills were the last thing on his mind. Yes, he enjoyed spending time with a sick Akito for a few days. (If you couldn’t tell.)
However, being around someone who is sick for multiple days felt like waving a big red flag and shouting, "BACTERIA, COME INVADE MY BODY!"
So yeah. Maybe he got sick from Akito. Again, so what?! He’d be up and at it in no time!
“You’re burning up,” Kohane mumbled as she removed the cold bottle of water from Toya’s forehead. She replaced it with a freezing wet washcloth. Water dripped down Toya's forehead, creating the illusion that he was sweating even more. Great—just what he needed.
“Toya? I made you some soup. Eat up!” An said as she handed a warm bowl of soup to Toya. It took all of his strength to nod in acknowledgment. An looked puzzled, as if she were deep in thought. Kohane was dabbing his face with a paper towel, trying to soak up the droplets of water rolling down his cheeks. Toya didn’t mind, as long as it meant he could sit quietly and close his eyes, blocking out all the light.
“I mean it, Toya. You need to eat! You’re obviously sick!” An said with such concern that Toya felt compelled to oblige. He brought the bowl of soup to his lips, took one big gulp, and then set it back down, seemingly finished for the moment. After a short pause, An’s face lit up and she grinned at Toya.
“I know just the thing! Let me go get Akito from the bathroom. Don’t go anywhere!” She exclaimed as she sprinted down the hallway so quickly that Toya couldn’t even blink before she was out of sight. Don’t go anywhere… Was he really expected to just get up and walk away while his legs felt like jelly? He couldn’t even walk properly without assistance.
"Toya, it’s going to be okay. I know you've said before that you're scared of being sick, but—" Kohane began.
"I know I'll be okay. I appreciate your concern." Toya forced a smile, though he was certain it looked terrible. As soon as Kohane spoke, a dreadful thought struck him. It was like a wave had crashed over him and he couldn’t even begin to swim back up.
Was he going to throw up?
No.
That only happened when you were REALLY sick, right? You had to have a stomachache— gripping your stomach so tightly that your fingers turned red. You had to…just…there has to be more components, right? Being sick. Being sick was…he couldn’t think, his throat felt clogged, and maybe he was nuts but was his stomach starting to hurt?—
“Toya? Toya!” He was jolted from his thoughts as a bright orange color came into view, and Toya immediately recognized the voice. A lazy smile spread across his face as he looked at Akito. Akito’s expression was filled with concern; his brow was furrowed, and his hands cupped Toya’s cheeks as if he were soothing someone who was crying.
“Akito… I’m sick.”
“Pfftt, doesn’t take a genius to notice that, dumbass.” Despite the remark, Akito’s expression softened a bit, and a small smile crept onto his lips. He exhaled and stood up, kneeling slightly to take Toya’s hand.
“Come on, we’re going home,” Akito said gently. An and Kohane nodded in agreement, knowing Toya was in no position to refuse. With Akito’s help, he was pulled up, letting most of his body lean onto Akito.
“An, Kohane, thank you for your help. I’ll see you both in the near future,” Toya said softly, his throat feeling congested. Kohane hugged him while An reached up to pat his head, even if it meant stretching her arm high to reach the top of his head. This made Toya chuckle.
“Do you think you can walk on your own?” Akito asked as they stumbled outside. Toya clutched his arm and shook his head. His throat felt too dry to speak. His feet felt heavy, and with every step, his mind grew more foggy. The sunlight outside intensified his dull headache, turning it into a burning sensation.
After what felt like hours of Akito supporting him and guiding him along the sidewalk, his partner murmured, “Almost there.” Suddenly, they arrived at Akito’s home. Wait, how long had they been walking?…he couldn’t tell.
“Come on, let’s get you into bed.” Akito sniggered as Toya slowly stumbled through the doorway. Toya wished he could simply cuddle up with Akito and sleep away all his worries. Being sick was such a hassle; he didn’t understand why people willingly took care of the ill—unless the ill was his boyfriend. Akito’s house was in its usual messy state, but Toya didn’t really mind. He felt it added to the atmosphere, making it seem more homely. He wondered where Ena was. Probably hanging out with her group or Akiyama.
Akito guided Toya to his room, allowing him to lie down on the bed. The bed looked so comfortable and inviting that Toya immediately snuggled into it, letting out a contented sigh. Yes, this was exactly what he needed: a nice warm bed, his boyfriend, and a quiet room. Maybe he could borrow a hoodie or two from Akito.
Akito wrapped him in blankets and kissed the top of his head before pulling back to admire his handiwork. “Do you need anything right now?” Akito asked, glancing around the room. Toya shook his head in response. Akito sat down on the side of the bed, smiling down at Toya.
“I thought you were never going to get sick again?”
Of course Akito still teased him even when he was sick.
“It's your fault! Y-you wouldn't let go of me for four or five days straight, Scaredy-Shinonome,” Toya teased, using the nickname Kohane had given Akito when she discovered his fear of swallowing pills. Akito’s cheeks flushed, and he rolled his eyes. It seemed that Akito wasn’t the only cocky one in their duo. Toya was going to continue teasing him because maybe, just maybe, he enjoyed the blush on his partners cheeks more than he should…but he was interrupted by a sharp cough that ripped through his chest. He groaned.
“Would you like some water?” Akito quickly shifted into serious boyfriend mode, standing up immediately. If Toya needed water, he would fetch it for him without a second thought. Toya nodded solemnly, wishing he could rewind the day to when he woke up feeling just like any other day. He could have sung with his favorite people and ended the day with a good book. But, of course, a stupid sickness had to take over his body. His stomach grumbled in response to all the negative thoughts he was conjuring up.
“Yeah. Would be nice..” He muttered. Akito nodded and walked out of the room.
It seemed that Toya's stomach didn’t appreciate his boyfriend leaving, as it grumbled in response. Before he knew it, a dull ache began to build in his stomach. He swallowed and pushed that thought aside, trying to focus on the ceiling and the posters plastered around the room, anything to avoid thinking about the fact that the dull ache was turning into a full-blown stomachache.
It couldn’t be…could it?
Memories of that day came rushing back. The way brunette boy violently sobbed while Akito wiped his mouth, assuring him that he didn't care that his clothes got ruined; he would wash them and pick out some new ones. The boy had nothing to be sorry for. He recalled Akito lifting the toilet seat to let the brunette boy vomit into the cold, white bowl, the boys knuckles turning pale as he gripped the toilet seat with all his might—
Stop. Stop thinking about it.
Because thinking about it was only making the pain worse.
“Ouch, ow… holy…” Toya slowly sat up, clutching his stomach and hyperventilating. He buried his head in his knees. Everything hurt. His senses were on high alert because suddenly, everything was overwhelming. Too bright, it was too quiet, too much…
“Toya, partner, can you listen to me?” A sweet voice spoke near his ear, and Toya immediately lifted his head up. There Akito was, staring at him, eyes filled with concern and confusion and the tiniest hint of fondness. His hand was drawing small circles on the small of his back, trying to calm him down. Toya frowned and broke eye contact.
“Sorry, I don’t know… I don’t know why I’m being such a baby,” Toya whispered, never meeting his gaze again.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Look at me,” Akito said, gently moving his hand to Toya’s chin and tilting his head so that Toya was looking straight into his eyes. Even if he wanted to look away, he couldn’t; Akito’s grip was firm on his chin. Toya gulped and clutched his stomach harder.
“Akito, it hurts—please..” Toya sniffled.
“What hurts, my love? Do you need some medicine?” Toya chose to ignore the pet name for now; he would definitely address it later. He shook his head, overwhelmed by the challenge of telling his boyfriend that he felt like such a wimp. He wanted to appear cool in front of Akito. After all, the average teenage boy wasn’t scared of throwing up a few times a year; it was just a natural part of life with no shame attached.
Akito was incredibly patient, taking the time to sit with Toya, whispering words of encouragement and soothing him until Toya finally broke down.
“I can’t do it. I can’t throw up. I’m so scared—please, don’t let me throw up,” Toya sobbed, trembling like a leaf in the wind. Akito wrapped his arms around Toya, resting his head on top of Toya’s. Toya continued shaking his head repeatedly. No throwing up. He couldn’t do it. Everything was already a mess; he didn’t need any more on his plate.
“Toya, you’ll feel a lot better if you do this. I know it seems scary, but you need to. I promise it’ll make you feel so much better. I’ll be right here with you,” Akito whispered, speaking softly into his hair. Another sob escaped Toya's throat as he buried his face deeper into Akito’s chest. Normally, he almost never cried; he wouldn’t let anyone see him cry—especially not Akito. But he was in so much pain, and his mind was so foggy that he didn’t even care. All he wanted was to be held and comforted as he let his worries flow away with his tears.
“Don’t make me do this… I—please,” Toya begged.
“Come on, I know you can do it. I’ll be holding your hand the whole time,” Akito repeated.
Toya reluctantly allowed Akito to lead him to the bathroom. They knelt on the floor together, with one of Akito's hands holding Toya’s hair back while the other held Toya’s hand.
Toya’s vision became blurry as he mimicked the boy's movements, one hand gripping the toilet seat while he threw up into the bowl. His fingers turned red, but his stomachache seemed to fade the moment he stopped throwing up. He heaved and fell back onto the ground. Of course, Akito was there to catch him, just like he always had been since the day they met. He sobbed brokenly as Akito stroked his hair and told him it’d all be okay. Why couldn’t he just be normal? This was such a stupid fear to have. He would need to throw up time and time again, so why couldn’t he get over it?
“I need to get out of this bathroom,” Toya said suddenly.
“Okay—yeah, fine by me.” Akito helped pull Toya up off the floor, swinging a protective arm around his waist as they walked out of the bathroom together. Toya sniffled, wiping his tears away with his sweaty palms the moment he settled back onto Akito’s bed. He had just thrown up for the first time in about a year. Was he proud of himself? Yes. Did that help him feel any better about the situation? No.
“You did really well. That was brave—much braver than me and my silly fear of pills,” Akito said, trying to lighten the mood. He kissed Toya’s cheeks, and in response, Toya managed a weak smile. He appreciated Akito's efforts to cheer him up, even though he still felt down in the dumps.
“Seriously, Toya, that was really brave,” Akito said, looking at him with such affection that Toya’s weak smile gradually transformed into a genuine grin.
Akito had that effect on him; he could always brighten Toya’s mood, no matter the situation. He supposed it worked the other way around too. Toya had noticed that Akito instantly perked up whenever he entered a room. He would greet him with a big, goofy grin and rush over to say hello. It was adorable. Toya loved having that positive effect on Akito. He was sure Akito loved the effect he had over Toya too.
“But…you got over your fear of swallowing pills. I’m still horrified of throwing up.” Toya chuckled, even though the thought made him feel depressed. It was just another reason to feel down.
“So what? I’m afraid of dogs. Kamishiro is afraid of eating veggies, well—maybe afraid isn’t the right word…” Akito trailed off as Toya smiled. That's right; everyone had silly fears.
Tsukasa-senpai was afraid of bugs. He discovered this one day while they were playing together at the park when a tiny ant crawled onto his leg. Tsukasa-senpai looked straight at Toya and screamed, asking him to get "the beast" off of him. Toya vividly remembers making fun of him as he flicked the ant into the sky. Tsukasa, whom he looked up to so much, had fears too.
Akito, his wonderful boyfriend and best friend, was scared of dogs—cute, fluffy dogs.
Kohane, one of his best friends, used to have horrible social anxiety.
It dawned on him right then and there that maybe he didn’t need to feel so bad about this. He had a problem with vomiting—so what? Everyone had a silly fear. Everyone.
“Why do you look so happy all of a sudden? Not that you aren’t super pretty right now, I’m just curious,” his partner laughed, clasping his hands together as he looked at Toya. In response, Toya tackled him onto the bed.
“Whoa! Feeling better, I see?” Akito snickered, enjoying the moment while Toya took it all in. Akito was amazing. Toya had his daily sappy inner monologue about how much he loved and appreciated his boyfriend and how beautiful and smart he was.
“A little bit, now that I’ve thrown up,” he mumbled, kissing Akito softly on the lips. His hands snaked around Akito’s neck. Caught off guard, Akito quickly regained his composure and kissed back almost immediately. Ah, he hadn’t been able to sneak a kiss from Akito all day, and now he finally had the chance. It seemed like Akito was enjoying it too; his eyes were softly shut and he gripped Toya’s waist as if it were the last thing he would ever hold.
When they broke apart, Akito was flushed, looking almost like he was the one who was sick.
“Ew. You probably should’ve brushed your teeth before you kissed me.”
“Oh, stop it! I kiss you all the time when you have yucky morning breath.”
“You can’t compare those two! They’re on two different levels!—”
-
Toya didn’t have to throw up again—thankfully, it was just a one-time thing. He felt incredibly relieved.
Akito stayed by his side, just as Toya had done when Akito was sick. Naturally, Akito took care of him in every way possible, and Toya appreciated it more than he probably should have. And if Toya faked being sick for another day to get extra attention, well, that was his secret and no one else’s.