Work Text:
Qifrey was in a dark place, memories jumbled up that even the mere fragments he possessed couldn’t be pieced together to give him an idea of who he was. He was lost. He’d admit that being taken in by Beldaruit and learning magic gave him a second chance in life, leading him towards a path that was full of opportunities. With magic flowing in him, granting him the power that outsiders can’t even comprehend, he’s driven with the purpose of finding his stolen eye, to take back what is rightfully his. As he learns to develop his skills and hone his magic, he notices how empty the space is around him that not even his own mentor satisfies the empty feeling with his presence. He can’t help but still feel like he’s missing something.
Alone. The word echoed in his head. Being surrounded by people—his mentor, fellow students, inspiring witches—didn’t alleviate the loneliness he felt. That is, until he met another student who was steadfast, motivated, and loyal. It was as if he was the sun personified. Olruggio, he introduced himself as, was the lantern that lit up the way in a dark forest. It gave him direction that was different from his own selfish desires. Olruggio made him see beyond his own pain, anger, and despair; he made him see the beauty of magic, of what they can do as witches, to be better, to do better. He’s given him a new purpose: to be a better witch for the benefit of others, together with Olruggio—the man who has been with him throughout everything. They were inseparable.
Qifrey rubs the ribbon at the end of his cap with fond memories of Olruggio’s bashful yet determined expression, his hand outstretched to offer Qifrey the dark ribbon that was attached to his cap. It was an intimate gesture that Qifrey didn’t expect to receive from a serious man such as his close friend who would usually choose to do subtle acts of service as a gesture of his love and care. Similarly, Qifrey remembers attaching his own to Olruggio’s hat, laughing at the wide-eyed look on his face. It was a memory that never left Qifrey, and every time he remembered it, he was filled with pure elation. To him, that day, they made a vow; a vow to what they believe in, a vow to themselves—a vow of an eternal relationship.
With Olruggio, Qifrey knows he’d be able to conquer anything. He remembers the pain and betrayal Olruggio felt as he pushed him away, believing that his purpose of taking back his eye is his own duty. No longer did he want Olruggio to be involved in his dangerous and selfish task, stabbing pain emerging from his chest at the very thought of Olruggio in pain or worse. Instead, he chose to deceive him, to tell him that the eye is no longer of importance to him; the brimmed caps are merely an afterthought. But Qifrey already knew that Olruggio did not believe his deception. Olruggio knows him like the back of his hand; he knew that it was another way of his to push him away. However, with Olruggio being the caring person he is, he pretends that he understands, pretends that Qifrey is finally done pursuing the brimmed caps. “I’ll always be here, Qifrey, don’t you forget that,” is what Olruggio told him as his own way of showing his support, telling Qifrey in his own way that he won’t be able to deceive him that easily. No matter how many times he tried pushing Olruggio away, he knows he doesn’t want him out of his life and Olruggio had no plans of leaving. It filled Qifrey’s heart with warmth that everywhere he goes, Olruggio would always be with him —he wouldn’t know what would happen if he ever did leave.
In his atelier—their atelier, they’re happy, content. They’ve never felt freer than when they were at the Great Hall. Here, Qifrey was under the warm sun as he relished in the cool breeze. It was fresh, it was bright, and it was new. It was a new life, new journey, and he was glad to be experiencing it all with Olruggio—his partner, his confidant, his everything. All he was missing were his apprentices. For now, Qifrey would the time that they have before Qifrey’s apprentices start filling up the place. If Qifrey were to describe how he feels being at the atelier, he’d say he’s filled with constant joy. For once, it was a space that was his, no longer alone in the noise of his thoughts that threatened to engulf him in the darkness it brought along. This is his safe haven. Olruggio is his safe haven.
The moment the safety of Olruggio’s presence and warmth leaves him, he’s breathless. He’s hyperventilating. He’s cold, as cold as the water he manipulates into mesmerizing shapes. Now, it’s as if his own magic turned against him with its terrifying prowess, drowning him in an inescapable prison of waves. This is exactly why he didn’t want Olruggio involved.
He knows he can’t stop Olruggio from travelling to offer his service to people, magic made to help people, brighten their days, and prove that magic is for the benefit of everyone. In those missions, he’s unaware of what Olruggio will encounter along the way, and Qifrey will always worry for Olruggio despite knowing how capable he is of protecting himself. The one time he becomes preoccupied with talks of an apprentice for his atelier, mind away from the thoughts of Olruggio’s well-being, is when harm befalls him.
The Great Hall is full of witches, both students and mentors alike, that Qifrey is overwhelmed by the sheer number of them, used to the quiet solitude of their atelier. The bustle of the people together with his growing anxiety weighs him down, chest heaving as he pushes against the crowd, ignoring the yells of protest and insults thrown his way for his rude shoving. He can hear the pounding of his own heart in his ears, shutting him out from the world around him, only determined to reach the one person that can confirm what the Knights Moralis informed him when they were standing in front of him at the doorstep of their atelier. The Knights Morals—the group of witches who never fails to unnerve Qifrey, even if he knows what their purpose and benefit is to the witch society. Still, he finds them untrustworthy, their ways cruel and unfeeling of how their words and actions may affect others.
Then, Qifrey feels his heart drop. He wanted it to be untrue, that it was a mistake. But, with Beldaruit refusing to look him in the eye after his admission, he’s heartbroken. The presence of Vivanna, the Captain of the Knights Moralis, did not appease his aching heart. The grim look on her face was enough to confirm everything. At that moment, Qifrey’s whole world crumbled, taking everything he knew and loved away from him. The one man he never thought would be targeted by the Brimmed Caps—gone, taken away. Olruggio, his everything, now no longer part of his atelier—no longer a part of his world. An outsider is what he is.
He refuses to believe it. That a powerful witch such as Olruggio was defeated by Brimmed Caps, memories wiped for their own experiment. However, unlike him, he was not granted the mercy of a second chance at life. No, he was cast aside, not even giving Qifrey a chance to fight for his case, to plead to let him live with him at their atelier. His atelier. He was cast aside without a second’s hesitation, letting him wander through an unknown world without any crutch, any help, any guidance. Afraid. Lost. Qifrey knows well enough how that feels, and he mourns for Olruggio. He lost the only life he knew. His magic, his skills, his power, the people he’s helped are forever lost in the hands of the people who cruelly stole from him after taking what they needed.
Ghodrey is what they told him. No explanation was needed for Qifrey to know what that meant. As fast as he could, he left the Great Hall with great urgency, flying as fast as he could to the first place Olruggio called home. Now, it was an unfamliar place that housed those who knew him but not for him. He doesn’t remember the people who were previously a part of his life. And as he spots the familiar head of hair walking down the busy path, his heart stops. He feels relief that Olruggio isn’t alone as he’s accompanied by a couple, one on either side of him, holding his arms as he looks around the area confused yet fascinated by the architecture and the buildings that housed various shops. However, the couple—Qifrey assumes are Olruggio’s parents with their features creating a perfect mix of lines and slopes found on Olruggio’s own visage—is visibly distressed, a far cry from Olruggio’s childlike joy. Frowns mar their faces, dark eyebrows furrowed in anguish at what happened to their son. His name no longer accompanied by a yell of excitement and wonder, but instead whispered behind gossiping hands and pitying eyes.
The relief he felt knowing that Olruggio is not alone is quickly washed away by grief. He mourns for the man he knew, and the man he sees before him now a familiar stranger. Qifrey is left helpless with no hope of getting back the man he used to know; no hope of bringing him back into his arms, into the home they’ve built together. As Olruggio disappears into the crowd, his eye no longer able to find where he’s gone, he decides to walk away. Walk away from what once was, each step filled with agonizing pain. With each step he took, the darkness he was once familiar with surrounds, and this time, there was no light to bring him towards a world full of light. Once again, he was alone.
He’s fallen into the deep hole of magic. Books proved pointless in retrieving memories; only taking but never giving for it was forbidden magic. He feels his body deteriorating with his neglect, and every passing day, he wishes he was no longer a witch. Maybe if he wasn’t granted a second chance, he wouldn’t be able to experience this pain. But, he also wouldn’t be able to meet Olruggio, the man who breathed life into his colorless world. If he were to go back to Olruggio, introduced himself, would he accept him? Would he finally be a part of Qifrey’s world once more? Qifrey would smile at the thought, but as quick as the thought came, his tears would remind him that it won’t be the same. His selfish thoughts delude him into thinking that the Olruggio he grew up with would greet him with the same love and joy in his eyes.
Though, it was those same selfish thoughts that pushed him towards a decision that he didn’t hesitate choosing. The Brimmed Caps… they stole what was his—his eye and Olruggio. If they can take, they can also give. That was possible, right? If not, then he’d make it possible. Anything to get Olruggio back. Forbidden magic—it was something that disgusted him before due to his own experience of being at the hands of the Brimmed Caps. But now, forbidden magic was the only solution he had left. And he would take it without hesitation.
He looked back at the atelier he made with Olruggio. And with a last glance, he ventures off to look for the Brimmed Caps, to call for their attention. Heed my call, he repeats in his head like a mantra. He’s desperate. He knows that once he takes this path, there was no returning to who he once was. He reminds himself that he’s selfish, but it was for the benefit of Olruggio. He’s not meant to be an outsider. He’s meant for great things only achievable with magic, the magic he had and will have again once Qifrey finds a way to get his memories back.
He clutches the scar of his right eye. He’ll take two things back and he’ll die trying.
Olruggio, wait for me.