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It was a Thursday night, around dinner time when they received the phone call.
Naruto and Sasuke had been in the kitchen preparing their meal. Well, Sasuke had cooked the noodles and made the tomato sauce. Naruto’s only job was to stir the sauce in the pan so it wouldn't burn. Sasuke could never quite let go of the whole kitchen fiasco Naruto had at the beginning of the year, and he still wouldn't allow the blonde near the stove without supervision. That is, of course, if he could prevent it. So, in hopes of avoiding another trip to the ER, Naruto dutifully followed Sasuke's specific instructions to keep his hands away from all boiling water. He didn’t mind, really. Naruto liked it when Sasuke cooked for him. But he liked it even more when Sasuke's eyes would bug out of his head in a panic when Naruto would purposely stray from his assigned corner in the kitchen and start wandering. Sasuke was just too cute not to torture.
Naruto was in the middle of sampling one of the cooked noodles Sasuke had offered to him on a wooden spoon when his cell phone started to ring on the counter. He slurped down the noodle and threw an approving thumbs up in Sasuke's direction before reaching over and taking the call. Sasuke could hear the frantic voice of Kushina coming through the speakers on the other end of the line and immediately stopped what he was doing and turned to his boyfriend, a mixture of concern and confusion on his face. Becoming more and more anxious by the second, Sasuke watched as all the colour drained from Naruto's face while he obviously tried to understand what was happening and why his mother was in such a state. Sasuke couldn’t hear what she was saying so he focused all of his attention on Naruto's reaction. “I’m on my way,” is what Sasuke heard him say before he hung up the phone and shoved it into his pocket.
“What's wrong?” Sasuke asked, immediately interpreting this as some kind of emergency. Naruto looked down at his feet as if searching for an answer there before spinning on his heels and racing down the hall into his bedroom. Sasuke was right there behind him, their spaghetti dinner long forgotten.
“Naruto?” Sasuke called out to him as he followed Naruto down the hall. Sasuke's anxiety only spiked when he found Naruto rushing around in his room throwing shirts and pants into a suitcase thrown half-hazardously on the bed. “Naruto, what's going on?” The blonde was visibly shaken, tripping over his own feet when making a dash over to his dresser to grab a pair of night pants and extra socks. Sasuke didn't like seeing Naruto like this. His movements were panicked and erratic. Sasuke wasn't even sure the blonde had heard him calling out to him. He was so lost in his own head that when Sasuke finally reached out to him and caught his arm, Naruto looked shocked, like he had been pulled out of a trance. “Naruto.” Sasuke said his name again, sterner this time, demanding an answer.
Naruto blinked rapidly before shaking his head and pulling out of the Uchiha’s hold. “It's my Grandma. She-she’s really sick.” Naruto could barely get the words out before he started moving around the room again, looking for anything and everything available to throw into his bag. “My mom— she’s freaking out, Sasuke. She thinks this it. She thinks she's…” Naruto stopped abruptly as if the words had been physically caught in his throat before making a hasty exit out of the room and into the hall, heading straight for the bathroom. Sasuke stood in silence as he listened to Naruto crash around in the bathroom grabbing all the necessary toiletries for an extended trip. Naruto had always spoke fondly of his grandmother in front of Sasuke. According to Naruto, growing up, he and his grandmother were thick as thieves. They were both very similar in personality, and apparently shared the same taste in music and food and many other things. She would be the one held responsible for Naruto's ramen addiction. Although Sasuke never had the pleasure of meeting her in person, seeing as she lived in an old folk’s home almost three hours away, he could tell by the way Naruto talked about her that she truly was a remarkable woman. It was no wonder Naruto had taken to her so. He referred to her as not only a family member, but a friend. A best friend. That was a concept Sasuke understood all too well. Now that he was an adult, Sasuke thought of Itachi as a friend just as much as he did a brother or caretaker. And that's why Sasuke couldn't even begin to imagine how Naruto was feeling right now. If there was any comparison at all, Naruto must be absolutely beside himself.
Before Sasuke could even begin to think of something the least bit comforting to say, Naruto came dashing back into the room, talking to himself or maybe to Sasuke as he tossed his travel sized toiletries bag into the suitcase. “I-I mean I haven't even seen her in like a month. But she didn't even call! She was supposed to call. She was supposed to check in with me—us. But she's stubborn. God, she’s stubborn. She kept telling us ‘I’m fine. You don't need to worry about me. Just take care of yourself’ but how the hell are we supposed to do that when she's off doing god knows what— probably working herself into the fucking ground because she doesn't know how to stop-“
“…Naruto.”
“Did you know I once found her climbing up a ladder to clean out the gutters? She’s 82 years old, Sasuke! It's like she’s trying to drive us all crazy! She doesn't get it! She's doesn't know how much we— how much I— she-she doesn't…” Naruto's hands stuttered and his entire body quaked as he inhaled shakily, barely able to hold back the dry sob that was threatening to escape his trembling lips. It was then that Sasuke made his move. He quickly cleared the room and pulled the shaking man into his arms, cradling Naruto's head on his shoulder and gently petting his hair as he tried to sooth him.
“Shh… It's okay. Everything's going to be okay…”
“No,” Naruto gasped, hating the way he clung to Sasuke like he was his only life line, “It's not. I-I’m not ready for this, Sasuke… I thought there was time. I-I can't handle this. Not now. Not yet…” Sasuke didn’t know what else he could do other than hold him close and whisper reassuring words in Naruto’s ear. Sasuke had never seen Naruto cry before, and he now realized, too late, obviously, that it was a luxury he shouldn’t have taken for granted.
After his parent’s death, Sasuke had wanted to deal with his grief on his own. He didn’t want people flocking around him with empty promises of comfort and telling him it’ll get better with time. He thought he could fight through the pain on his own. It took a long time for Sasuke to realise it was okay to ask for help. That something as simple and insignificant as a hug or a friendly smile could lighten the burden on your shoulders. More and more these days, Sasuke found himself seeking out Naruto’s company and sympathy when something was troubling him. On particularly bad days, Sasuke would just talk with Naruto in the blonde’s bedroom or even just sit with him on the couch and watch TV. Just having Naruto’s presence in the same room could ease the tension in Sasuke’s body. Naruto on the other hand, always kept his negative feelings bottled up tight and to himself. And when they threatened to spill out, Naruto would pretend everything was fine, faking a grin that would fool even the greatest behavioural scientists into believing that everything was, in fact, fine. For a long time it irritated Sasuke, to the point where he would corner the blonde and demand to know what was troubling him. But losing his temper only proved to scare Naruto away, making him bury those feelings deep down and retreat back into his happy-go-lucky state with no intention of letting it slip.
Sasuke understood that this was Naruto’s way of coping with unpleasant things, but speaking from his own experience, Sasuke knew it wouldn’t protect him forever. It was understandable that Sasuke would feel a little helpless in this kind of situation. He had never had anyone lean on him (quite literally, at the moment) for emotional support. Usually, he was the one being taken care of either by his parents or Itachi. Now that he was a grown up, Sasuke knew this was a life skill he was going to have to learn. He just didn’t think it would start with something so devastating.
Naruto had done a good job at calming himself down, to the point where he stopped shaking and only let out a few stray sniffles every now and then over the Uchiha’s shoulder. Eventually, the blond leaned back and forced himself to look at Sasuke. Naruto’s eyes were damp with more unshed tears and his face was twisted into an expression of anguish that Sasuke decided right then and there, he never wanted to see again. “I…” Naruto tried to speak but his voice was terribly horse. Sasuke waited patiently as he cleared his throat and quietly tried again. “I have to go…” And just like that Naruto was on the move again.
He quickly finished zipping up his suitcase as Sasuke nodded and quietly agreed, “Okay. I’ll get my stuff and we can go.”
“No,” came a clipped reply from the back of Naruto as he left the room yet again, this time heading back down the hall to the front door.
"No? What do you mean no. I’m coming with you.” Sasuke watched incrediously as Naruto adamantly shook his head.
“You need to stay here. Hold down the fort. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. Besides, you’ve got school tomorrow. You can’t afford to miss a class right now.”
“Don’t be ridiculous! I’m coming with you, Naruto. And that’s that.” A weary sigh escaped the blonde’s lips before he knelt down to put on his shoes.
“I need to do this on my own, Sasuke… I have to be there for my family— for my mom. They need me.”
“And who’s going to be there for you?” Sasuke could feel the panic rising in his chest as he slowly started to realize that he was fighting a losing battle. Naruto finished tying his shoes and put on a warm jacket from the coat wrack before he bothered to respond.
“I’ll be fine.” The way his voice quivered blatantly contradicted his statement, but Naruto was determined to make the trip and support his family. He couldn’t let himself fall apart again. He couldn’t be that selfish. Right now getting to them was all that mattered.
He’s not thinking clearly! Sasuke thought as he reached out in desperation and tried to reason with his emotionally unstable boyfriend. “You can’t go by yourself. You’re in no condition to drive right now, Naruto! And it’ll be dark soon. Just— let me go with you. I can take care of you. I can help you!” Sasuke’s voice rose higher when Naruto grabbed his suitcase in one hand and the door knob in the other, seemingly unaffected by his boyfriend’s frantic pleas. Grabbing onto the blonde’s sleeve was Sasuke’s last card to play, and for a moment, Naruto hesitated to leave. “You don’t have to do this on your own,” Sasuke pleaded more than anything. “Please. Don’t shut me out when you need me the most.”
Naruto reluctantly turned around, and with wary smile, he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Sasuke’s forehead. Sasuke’s eyes briefly fluttered closed with a hope rising in his chest that maybe Naruto had changed his mind. It was a crushing blow when Naruto whispered, “I’ll call you when I get there,” and swiftly made his exit. The front door closed behind him, leaving Sasuke all alone in their now much too quiet apartment.
That was a bad night for Sasuke.
Naruto called around 9pm, as promised, sounding utterly exhausted and with very little to say. With what little information Sasuke could gather, Naruto's grandmother had been transferred to the nearest hospital and was currently being looked after by the staff and nurses. Sasuke once again tried to convince the blonde to allow him to drive up there, but Naruto wouldn't change his mind. Sasuke hated it, but without Naruto's permission showing up as the odd man out just didn't feel right. On the other hand, not going made Sasuke feel as if he was abandoning Naruto somehow. He wanted to be there for his boyfriend and help in any way he could. But if staying home was what Naruto wanted him to do, then he would honour his wishes and stay home.
It hurt that Naruto didn't want him there, but at the same time Sasuke knew it wasn't anything personal against him. Naruto was going to deal with this his own way. And under these circumstances, Sasuke knew he had no right to complain. Naruto promised to keep him updated, and after a feeble goodnight, he hung up the phone and left Sasuke to a night of restless sleeping.
The next day dragged on and on in a never ending loop of Sasuke constantly checking his phone for new information. He could barely pay attention in his classes as he anxiously waited for Naruto's next call. When the school day had finally come to an end and Sasuke still hadn't heard anything, he quickly packed up his things and hurried back to his car, deciding to call Naruto instead when he got home. On the way there, Sasuke ran into Kiba in the parking lot. The brunette immediately broke away from what he referred to as his ‘secondary friends’ and started heading in the Uchiha’s direction.
"Mr Clean! Hey, where's your boyfriend? He decide to play hooky or something?” Kiba ran up to him wearing a playful grin, easily contrasting Sasuke's poignant frown.
Sasuke had learned from Naruto that sometimes Kiba was just as emotionally stupid as he was, but at this point, Sasuke knew the brunette well enough to know that if one of Naruto’s relatives were dying, he wouldn’t be walking around with a big grin and cracking jokes. This led Sasuke to believe that Kiba had no idea what was going on. It wasn’t surprising that Naruto hadn’t had the time to call everyone. The thought probably hadn’t even crossed the blonde’s mind. Unfortunately, that left Sasuke with the regrettable task of having to inform Kiba, and possibly others depending on how the day went, himself.
“Naruto’s not here, Kiba. Something happened…” Seeing Sasuke’s stoic expression, Kiba’s grin quickly faded. His smile dropped and was replaced by a look of subdued panic as he pulled Sasuke off to the side so they could speak in private.
“What are you talking about? What happened? Is he okay?”
“Yes…and no. It’s his grandmother. She’s in the hospital. We found out last night. Naruto’s there with his family right now. They don’t think she has much time left…”
“Fuck!” Kiba exclaimed and turned his body as if looking for something to punch. The frustration was evident in his actions, and honestly, Sasuke couldn’t blame him for reacting in such a way. After taking a few seconds to compose himself, Kiba slowly turned back to look at Sasuke with eyes full of grief. “This is going to kill him,” he said, so easily, so sure of his words that Sasuke couldn’t help but agree with him. “How did he take the news?”
“It was bad, Kiba.” Sasuke felt his heart sink just thinking about it. “He just shutdown and went into autopilot. It’s like he wouldn’t let himself fall apart, even though he clearly already was. I tried to help him, but he wouldn’t listen to me. He just took off and told me to stay here. I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do.” Kiba could see that Sasuke was visibly shaken from the events that unfolded last night. He couldn’t imagine it would be easy to see someone you love go through something like that. Obviously, it hadn’t been something Sasuke was prepared for, and that made Kiba feel all sorts of sympathy for the guy.
“You okay?” Kiba asked gently, showing a rare side of attentiveness. Sasuke could only shrug in response because what was he supposed to say? If he said yes he’d be lying, and if he said no, then that would be making this about him. Sasuke was most definitely not okay, and every second that ticked by only made the guilt and emptiness inside him intensify. He should be there. He should be there with Naruto, holding his hand, lending a shoulder to cry on, something. Sasuke couldn’t do anything for him here. But Naruto told him to stay. Why? Why wouldn’t he accept Sasuke’s help? Why did he just run out like that?
Why?
A light pat on Sasuke’s shoulder brought him back to the conversation at hand. Kiba forced a half smile, although it looked as if it physically pained him to do so. “It’s Naruto we’re talking about here. It may take some time…but he’ll pull through this. Dude’s strong. Nothing can keep him down for long.”
Sasuke couldn’t stop his cynicism from seeping through in the form of a grimace. “And what do we do until then?”
“Hell if I know.” Sasuke huffed with irritation but in all honesty he was just as clueless as Kiba. “But I figure if he didn’t want you to come then he’s probably not interested in any visitors. So I guess that leaves me out of the loop.”
For a moment Sasuke was almost thankful for this revelation. He could just see Kiba raving to Naruto about the magical healing powers of alcohol and getting Naruto drunk off his ass in hopes of numbing the pain. Been there, done that. It didn’t work then, and it wouldn’t work now. Then again, this was just Sasuke thinking the worst of Kiba, probably more intensely because of the emotional strain he was going through.
Instead of verbalizing his ill-tempered thoughts, Sasuke decided to go with, “I’m going to call him when I get home. I’ll keep you updated.” Kiba nodded stiffly, and after an awkward departure, he slumped back over to his waiting group of friends. Sasuke let out a sigh before finally making it to his car and driving back home. As soon as he had the landline in his hand Sasuke dialled Naruto’s cell and held his breath as it rang. Once… Twice… Three times…
“Sasuke.”
Thank god.
“Naruto. Are you okay? What’s going on?” A sigh escaped through the speakers.
“Yeah… I’m okay. I-“ Naruto paused and in the silence Sasuke could make out other unidentified voices in the background talking to him. “Yeah, sure. Hang on a sec, Sasuke.” This time Sasuke heard shuffling and footsteps before the faint sound of a door closing. “Sorry. Not allowed calls in the room.” A pregnant pause followed Naruto’s statement, and Sasuke quickly realised the responsibility of making conversation was going to lie heavily on his own shoulders.
“You sound exhausted.” It probably wasn’t the best topic to start on, but Sasuke wouldn’t have said it if he wasn’t so disturbed by the lack of energy in the blonde’s voice. Naruto didn’t even attempt to deny it. His voice was completely monotone.
“Yeah, well, I’ve been up all night. Didn’t want to waste my time with her, you know?”
“Is she...?” Sasuke didn’t want to say the word, and he was positive Naruto didn’t want to hear it either so he left it out in the open, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Another long sigh.
"She’s resting. They’ve got her hooked up to the IV and they’re doing everything they can to make her comfortable, but…” This time, it was Naruto who left his sentence incomplete.
Time to change the subject.
“How’s Kushina taking it?”
“She’s… holding it together. But I know it’s just an act. My Dad’s convinced she’s going to break. I honestly don’t know what we’re going to do to help her. When the alpha of the pack falls, wh-what are the rest of us supposed to do, right?” Naruto let out the weakest sounding laugh Sasuke had ever heard and it hurt. It hurt so damn much that Sasuke felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes.
"Naruto…” Sensing the pity in his boyfriend’s voice, Naruto quickly changed the subject. He didn't want Sasuke to coddle him. If he did, Naruto was sure he wouldn't be able to hold it together.
“I'm glad you called. Somehow just hearing your voice is already making me feel better… I miss you.”
“Then why-“
“But I'm also glad you stayed. I know it doesn't make any sense— but knowing you're there, in our home, carrying on normally— somehow, it helps. I don't know why, but it helps.”
Sasuke let out a quiet sigh as he sat down on the couch with his legs crossed underneath his body. "Well, at least I'm doing something…”
“Are you mad?” Naruto asked after swallowing the lump in his throat.
"No. No, I'm not mad, Naruto. I just— I’m worried about you. I'm afraid that you're so concerned about everyone else's feelings that you're completely disregarding your own. You don't have to pretend. It doesn't have to be your responsibility to take care of everyone.” For a moment, Naruto said nothing, and Sasuke sat in silence listening to his steady breathing. When Naruto finally did speak, Sasuke could hear the torment in his voice.
“If I don’t…then who will...?”
The next day Itachi stopped by the apartment to check on his little brother. Sasuke had sent Itachi a couple of texts over the past few days explaining the situation and voicing his concerns. After receiving the last upsetting text from the previous night, Itachi decided to take it upon himself to visit his brother and keep him company while Naruto was out of town. If he was being honest, Sasuke was grateful for the distraction. It worked, for the most part, but in every conversation there was an undertone of sadness in Sasuke’s voice. Itachi tried not to push the subject that was on both their minds, but when he convinced Sasuke to go out for dinner and the two sat across from each other in heavy silence for a good five minutes, it seemed inevitable.
“How are you doing?” Itachi eventually asked after getting a refill on their drinks.
Sasuke looked hesitant to answer at first, probably wondering if there was any chance he could steer the conversation in a different direction. But, after a moment of deliberation, he caved and let out a sigh. “I’m sad.” It wasn't exactly a dean’s list kind of answer, but sometimes using simple words made it easier to explain yourself. Itachi nodded as if that answered all of his questions, but at the same time, he was still waiting for more of an explanation. But, as always, he was letting Sasuke take his time, collect his thoughts and feelings, decide how much he wanted to share.
Honestly. His brother should have been a therapist.
“I'm sad that he doesn't want me there. I’m sad that he’s losing someone he loves… I’m sad that I have no idea what to do in this situation. I mean, it's not like they covered this in the ‘relationship handbook’. How am I supposed to help him? How do I cope?”
Sasuke wasn't sure if it was a rhetorical question or if he was really that desperate for some advice. Either way, Itachi leaned back in his seat, baring a pensive expression. “We all handle grief in different ways, Sasuke. Maybe Naruto's way is confiding in his family— like a safety net. I don't think it really has anything to do with you on a personal level… It's just a defence mechanism.”
Sasuke slumped forward and stared into his glass of coke, suddenly finding the bubbles and fizzles to be very interesting.“Maybe it's for the best that we're separated… Seeing Naruto like that, thinking about death, it stirred up some…unpleasant memories.”
Itachi smiled sympathetically. “I know its not easy, but your experience in dealing with loss could benefit Naruto, perhaps more than you think.” Sasuke glanced up, his expression riddled with doubt.
“I had my chance to give him some big speech about how life goes on and how this pain will only make him stronger, but I blew it. All I could do was stand there and let him cry in my arms. I’m pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.”
“Now just wait a minute. None of that self-loathing crap is going to help either one of you. Did you ever consider that maybe that’s exactly what he needs? I know you and I are different. We can talk through these kinds of things with relative control, but from what I’ve seen, and what you’ve told me, Naruto can't open up like that. He’s too repressed. I know you know that. So why are you beating yourself up over this? Some silly little speech isn't going to make him feel better. You are.”
How ironic that some silly little speech by his brother (although Sasuke hardly considered it to be silly) had somehow managed to make him feel better. Is this really where he was at? Getting lectured by his brother about his own relationship? Having someone else tell him what his boyfriend needs? Itachi was right, though. Naruto wasn't the kind of guy to sit down with a cup of tea and talk about his feelings. And, frankly, Sasuke wasn't the kind of guy who could sit down and start that conversation. Maybe there was a balance somewhere in between. Maybe Sasuke could be enough.
Buzz… Buzz...
Sasuke immediately became distracted when his cell phone buzzed to life in his jacket pocket. Today he had been anxious because Naruto hadn’t contacted him all day, and every time his phone rang for whatever reason, he would jump on it without hesitation. Sasuke quickly grabbed it and was a little disappointed to see Naruto’s name showing up in a text and not a phone call. But still, he was just glad to hear from him regardless via text or phone call. Itachi took the hint and put their conversation on pause, knowing his little brother was desperate to stay in contact with the blonde. Naruto's text only consisted of three words:
I'm coming home.
A phrase that would normally be comforting if it wasn't for the sad implications. Sasuke didn't need to text him back. He already knew it was all over.
8 o'clock. 9 o’clock. 10 o’clock. The hours ticked by at an agonizingly slow pace. Sasuke had moved from the living room, to the kitchen, to his bedroom, and back into the living room where he currently resided. He tried to read but his nerves were shot and all the words just started to blend together into an incoherent blob. TV was a little easier to handle because it didn't require as much brain power. Still, he sat in a tensed position on the couch, eyeing the door, just waiting for it to open. Sasuke still didn’t know exactly what he was going to say when Naruto arrived, but solely relying on his instincts had worked in the past. Maybe it would pay off this time, too.
When the front door finally swung open Sasuke bolted up into a standing position and watched as Naruto sluggishly walked inside with his head hanging low. The blonde quietly closed the door behind him before turning back to face Sasuke.
Naruto looked absolutely wrecked.
His eyes were all red and puffy and there was still traces of left over tears staining his rosy cheeks. The dark bags under his eyes showed what the lack of sleep had done to his physical appearance. He was looking at Sasuke, but it was a vague, blank stare that seemed drained of all emotion. Sasuke felt his mouth open to say something but no words came out. Naruto didn’t even react. He slowly walked into the living room, his shoes and jacket still present, and sat down on the couch, prompting Sasuke to quickly sit back down beside him.
For several seconds the two just sat in silence. Then Naruto’s shoulders started to shake and his breath came out in a ragged puff of air. “She’s gone…” His voice was barely above a whisper before he collapsed down into Sasuke’s lap. The Uchiha immediately wrapped his arms around the sobbing man and pulled him tightly against his chest. He would never know for sure, but this was exactly what Naruto wanted. They didn’t need words or some big heart to heart. All they needed was each other. And for the rest of his life, Naruto would be eternally grateful for this moment.
A moment where Sasuke held him, and simply let him cry.