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Harvey was never a huge fan of birthdays in general, but he especially disliked his own. Sure he had a few fun memories from his childhood; birthday parties, presents and cake, he had had it all. The problem was, like so many of his childhood memories, they were all tainted with the memories of her. All these years later and he still couldn’t detach his Mom, the woman who raised him and sang happy birthday as she carried in his cake, from Lilly, the woman who cheated on his father and forced him to lie.
So, after all of that Harvey never really bothered to celebrate. Usually he worked, that was the easiest thing to do. He could keep his mind occupied and thoughts busy with whatever cases he was working on, and not have to bother thinking about the fact that he’s one year older than he was before.
It’s not that he minds getting older exactly, that’s just an inevitable part of life, but each year he ticks off is another year closer to the age his Dad was when he died. It’s a strange thought, the idea that one day he’ll be older than his Dad ever got to be, he’d never admit it, but it scares him a little. Actually quite a lot. All those little things that his Dad never got to see, all those milestone’s he’d missed out on, all the people he never got to meet.
Harvey doesn’t advertise his birthday, it’s not a secret though, he just assumes that if anyone cares enough to find out then they will. There are a few people that do know; Marcus, he always sends a card, Jessica knows too of course, but she also knows Harvey well enough not to bring it up. And then there's Donna, she doesn’t get him anything (which he is perfectly happy about) but she always subtly makes sure his day is arranged in a way that will cause him the least amount of grief. It’s small, but he knows that she knows he appreciates it and that’s all either of them need.
Some people would find Harvey’s attitude more than a little depressing but he doesn’t really care, it’s exactly the way he likes it to be.
Or at least it was.
****
The first time that anyone other than his brother or Donna even remotely acknowledged his pending ‘another year spent orbiting the sun’ day, was a certain blue eyed associate who was pretty much incapable of ignoring that kind of thing even if he tried.
Harvey was sitting minding his own business at the end of a busy day when Mike came bounding in waving a stack of briefs in Harvey’s face and babbling on about how they were going to win the case.
“So what are we going to do to celebrate?” Mike asked at the end of his spiel.
Harvey raised his eyebrows.
“Celebrate what?” He asked. “We haven’t won yet.”
“Not the case silly” Mike looked like he was missing something obvious. Which of course he sort of was, but there was no way Mike knew that, did he?
“Harvey, it’s your birthday, aren’t you at least going to take your poor hard working associate out for a drink?”
He then proceeded to bat his eyelids at Harvey like some sort of whiny child asking for more candy.
“First of all, you aren't a poor anything.” Harvey said as he stood up from his desk. “And secondly, even if I did want to go out drinking, we have court in the morning, I’d like to get at least a few hours sleep.”
He didn’t wait around to see the look on Mike’s face, he simply grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and headed for the elevators, doing his best to ignore the strange feeling he was getting in the pit of his stomach.
Cursing himself for overthinking it, he headed home for a glass of scotch, where he would sit alone in front of the fire. Just the way he liked it.
****
The following year, Harvey was very happy when he had reached the evening before his birthday without Mike bringing it up. He suspected his associate had been scared off by his frosty attitude the previous year, and that was fine, perfect in fact.
However, when came into work the next morning he found a cupcake on his desk, just a single frosted cupcake packaged in a small white box. There was no note, nothing at all to indicate where it might have come from, although Harvey had his suspicions.
“Donna?” he called through the open door.
She popped her head round a second later.
“Hmm?”
“Did you see who left this?” he asked, pointing at the cupcake.
“No sorry.” She shook her head, “although Louis was looking a little too happy this morning, do you think he's finally trying to poison you?”
Harvey shot her a look but she simply shrugged and walked out, tossing her hair behind her.
----
The problem that Harvey was facing was that he had no real method of confirming who the cupcake gifter was without letting slip that it was his birthday. If the culprit was who he suspected it to be, then that particular fact wasn't a problem. But that still left him with the issue that if he did bring it up to Mike, it might have given the impression that he was willing to acknowledge the day and he wanted to avoid that too if at all possible.
In the end he didn’t need to say anything to Mike, his associate's terrible poker face gave him away almost the second he walked into Harvey’s office just after lunch. He didn’t say anything but Harvey could see his eyes searching the room, and he didn’t miss the small smirk that appeared on the corner of Mike’s lips when they found the little white box now sitting empty on the corner of Harvey’s desk.
****
Harvey learned pretty quickly after that that Mike did like to celebrate his own birthday. The first year had pretty much passed him by, but by the time Mike’s birthday came round again he noticed the spring in his step, and the big smile he had on as he talked about how he was going to spend the evening with Grammy. They were going to eat pizza and play Scrabble just like they did every year and Mike grinned like it would be the best birthday ever.
Something about that made Harvey’s heart feel heavy, it was something so simple yet so pure…something he hadn't had in a very long time.
Harvey thinks his brain must have short circuited slightly because he actually let Mike go home early that day. Mike’s face had lit up as if Harvey had just given him the moon, it was so sickeningly adorable that Harvey had almost offered him the whole afternoon off. Almost.
****
When Harvey’s own birthday rolled around again he woke up wondering whether he would find another cupcake on his desk. He also cursed himself for becoming sentimental because why was that the first thing on his mind at 6 o'clock on a Thursday morning?
He didn’t have to wait long to find out the answer though because lo and behold when he walked into his office two hours later there, in the centre, was another plain white box. He picked it up, carefully examining it.
“Secret admirer?”
Harvey’s eyes shot up and he found Jessica standing in the doorway, an unreadable expression on her face.
“Something like that,” Harvey smirked.
He put the box back down and did his best to listen to what Jessica was saying to him but he couldn’t stop thinking about the way she had posed the question. Secret admirer. That’s not what was going on here…was it?
----
He just about managed to make it to lunchtime without his thoughts overwhelming him too much, but when Mike came in all cheerful, jabbering away in his usual enthusiastic tone, something in him bubbled to the surface and he found that he couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of his mouth.
“Would you like to go out for a drink tomorrow?” he blurted rather unceremoniously to a slightly stunned looking Mike.
“Er, yeah sure” Mike eventually recovered enough to reply.
“Great,” Harvey replied with a smile, although his insides did not share the same confidence as his outsides. “We can head out after we’re done here.”
“Sounds good,” Mike nodded.
He turned to leave again but stopped himself just as he reached the door.
“Erm Harvey?”
“Hmm?” Harvey replied and Mike suddenly looked a little sheepish.
“Just so I know where we stand, erm..what is this?” he paused, looking as if he was trying to find the right words. “Is this just drinks with a colleague…er with a friend, or is it … is it….” he trailed off.
“It’s a date Mike,” Harvey replied before he could stop himself. “If you want it to be,” he then added quickly, just in case.
“Yeah” Mike said, hiss face growing into a smile as he nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
Harvey let out a breath he hadn’t realised he'd been holding in and watched as Mike walked out of the door. That was not how he had expected his day to go.
****
As it turns out, neither of them had anything to worry about, they made the transition from colleagues to friends to more without too much of an issue. They still worked well together, they still argued over strategy and they still quoted movies to each other like there was no tomorrow. But they also now had a home together, a life outside of work, someone to hold onto at the end of a busy day.
For Mike’s first birthday as Harvey’s boyfriend Harvey let him finish early again, but instead of sending him off to see Grammy alone they went together. They still ate pizza and Gammy beat them both at Scrabble. And when she got tired, Harvey took Mike out for drinks at his favourite bar. Mike scoffed at the prices and Harvey told him he better get used to it because he was planning on sticking around and any boyfriend of Harvey Specter is going to be well and truly spoiled.
And that’s how things continued, eventually Mike moved in with him and the following spring Harvey proposed. They got married on a sunny day in March, it was just after Mike made partner, and life was good, really good. They celebrated Mike’s birthdays and silently acknowledged Harvey’s, and no one questioned it, they never had to, it was just the way they liked it.
Until one year something changed and Harvey realised that maybe his birthday wasn't something to be afraid of after all.
****
He found Mike sitting on the end of the bed, shoulders hunched over as he looked at a framed photograph. It was one Harvey recognised, of Mike and his parents, Mike couldn’t have been more than six or seven when it was taken. The three of them were eating ice cream on the beach, Mike always said it was one of his favourite memories.
“Hey” Harvey said softly from the doorway. “You ok?”
Mike looked up, his eyes meeting Harvey’s and he smiled. There was something in his face though, subtle, but Harvey knew him well enough to know that he had something on his mind.
“You wanna talk about it?” Harvey asked.
He walked over and took a seat next to Mike, close enough so that he could feel the warmth of Mike's skin through their clothes as he placed his hand comfortingly on his husband’s thigh.
“They never made it this far,” Mike said after a moment, you could hear the pain in his voice.
Harvey watched as he delicately ran his fingers over the glass.
“Tomorrow morning, when I wake up, I’ll be older than they ever got to be.”
That hit Harvey deep in his core. He’d known this day would come for Mike in the same way he knows it’s still to come for him.
Except it's not the same; Mike was much younger when he lost them, his parents were so much younger when they died, and now Mike is passing this milestone years before Harvey will despite their difference in age.
“I knew this day would come eventually” Mike continued. “I guess I tried not to think about how I would feel. I still don’t really know how I feel.” He sighed. “I’m not sad I don’t think, or at least no more than normal when I think about them. I don’t think they would want me to be sad. I think they'd want me to be grateful for what I have and enjoy myself like we always did together.”
They let the silence settle around them for a second before Harvey eventually spoke.
“Do you know why I never like to celebrate my birthday?”
Mike looked back at him his brows slightly furrowed in confusion.
“I always assumed it had something to do with your childhood, but I trusted your decision so guess I never really questioned why.”
Harvey nodded. He wasn't trying to make this about him but seeing Mike so optimistic despite the pain he was facing made Harvey realise he'd been thinking about things in all the wrong ways.
“At the beginning it was about my Mom," Harvey's jaw clenched as he tried to focus. "She used to bake me a cake, every year it was something different, it was wonderful and I always looked forward to it" he smiled fondly for a second as he tried to remember the good times. "But then everything changed, I left home, and I could never quite manage to detach those memories from the woman she became.”
He looked at Mike who was smiling softly as if he understood.
“And then my Dad died,” Harvey continued. “And everything changed all over again; suddenly every year I'd move closer to the age he was when he died as if I was counting down to some horrible event. And I’m ashamed to admit, especially as you're sitting here having been through so much worse, that it terrifies me.”
“Harvey you-” Mike tried to interject but Harvey squeezed his fingers, silently asking him to allow him to continue.
“I admire you Mike.” Harvey’s hand held tightly onto Mike’s as if he needed him to hear every single word. “I don't tell you enough but I admire the way you handle everything, your optimism and your strength. I’ve never been strong enough to move past the dread of counting down to the day I’ll overtake him, or worse, the fear that I won’t. I look at you Mike and I’m in awe of how you do it. You can take any situation you’re given and make the best out of it and you make everyone around you want to do the same. You're allowed to be sad Mike, but I think you're right, they'd want you to be happy. And more than anything you deserve to be happy because that's how you make everyone around you feel, and no one more so than me."
He squeezed Mike's hand again. Every word he had just said was true and Mike would probably never know how something as simple as looking at a old photo had shifted Harvey's entire perspective in matter of seconds. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he realised that for the first time in almost thirty years he was thinking about his birthday with something other than dread.
“I wish they’d got to meet you” Mike said as he moved his hand to cup Harvey’s cheek.
“I know," he nodded. "Me too.”
Harvey leant in and softly brushed a kiss over Mike’s lips hoping that Mike knew just how much the moment meant to him.
----
The next day they woke up to the bright morning sun flooding into their bedroom. It was a rare weekend where they had no work to do so they stayed in the warm cocoon of the sheets a little longer than normal. Harvey made breakfast and Mike was well and truly spoiled as always. They sat out on the balcony and enjoyed their second cup of way too expensive coffee and Harvey suggested they take a drive.
“Aren’t you going to tell me where we're going?” Mike asked when they finally made it out of the city traffic.
“You’ll see,” Harvey smiled and ignored the fact that Mike had rolled his eyes at him.
They eventually pulled up and Harvey watched as Mike’s eyes widened when he realised where they were.
“Is..is this?” he stuttered.
“The beach from your photo” Harvey nodded as he switched off the ignition and reached out his hand to place it gently on Mike’s thigh.
Mike continued staring out of the window and Harvey began to worry slightly that he’d misjudged the situation.
“Hey” he squeezed Mike’s leg just as a tear escaped his husband’s eye. “I thought coming here might help you feel closer to them. I’m sorry was that wrong?”
Mike gave hime a watery smile, making no effort to swipe away his tears. He lifted his hand to Harvey’s cheek and Harvey couldn’t help but melt into the warmth of his hand.
“Nothing you do for me could ever be wrong” Mike said softly.
He leant over the centre console to plant a delicate kiss on Harvey’s lips, he could taste the salt from Mike’s tears. They pulled back and Harvey used his own hands to swipe away the remaining drops.
“Happy Birthday Mike”
Mike squeezed his hand.
"Thank you Harvey, not just for this, for everything."
Harvey wanted to tell Mike that he had nothing to thank him for, that it was Harvey that should be thanking him. Thanking Mike for helping him see that getting older wasn't something to fear but that it was something to cherish, and for giving him the life he'd always dreamed of having but never quite managed to hope for. But he couldn't quite find the right words and before he had time to respond Mike was hurrying out of the car, probably heading straight for the ice cream truck, so instead he laughed and followed his husband along the pier.
****
So that’s how Harvey learned to embrace his birthday; a simple day at the beach watching the man that he loves take everything in his stride. He still doesn’t want a big fuss, but it doesn’t scare him like it used to, in fact, he’d probably go as far as to say that he quite enjoys it.
They have their own traditions now. Harvey still lets Mike finish work early. Mike always argues that as they’re both managing partners now, Harvey isn’t technically his boss anymore, so it’s not really his decision anyway. Harvey always refuses to comment. And Mike still gets Harvey a cupcake and refuses to let him share. Harvey always argues that they share everything else anyway, so what difference would it make? Mike never gives in. They always have a glass or two and remember those they’ve lost. Sometimes they go out, sometimes they'd rather stay in, but whatever it is they do, they do it together, and they always will. Just the way they like it.