Chapter Text
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A floaty feeling.
...
...
Like standing on the ledge of a skyscraper, or drowning in the deepest part of the ocean.
...
Muffled noise made its way in through one ear and out through the other. She couldn’t focus.
...
Everything was so blurry. Where the hell was she? Her head was pounding. She couldn’t recall what she was doing.
But then suddenly, she feels a pair of hands tightly gripping her shoulders. The sudden contact finally jolted her out of her haze, and she could actually make out the source of the loud noises.
It was MARI. And she was angry. Really, really angry.
SUNNY couldn’t remember ever seeing MARI this mad.
”Are you even LISTENING!?” MARI screamed out, her rage spewing through her throat like lava. She was yelling. Yelling at her.
SUNNY grabbed the sides of her head, covering her ears. There was this… unbearable ringing. Why was MARI yelling? Had SUNNY done something?
“Look at me when I’m talking to you, SUNNY!”
MARI grabbed SUNNY’s arms, forcing them back to her sides. SUNNY twitched, looking up at MARI. Her sister stared back with a fierce look in her eyes.
SUNNY tried to take a step back. What was going on?
No, she…she couldn’t stay here. She didn’t understand why, but she just had to go somewhere—anywhere—as long as it wasn’t here. She couldn’t deal with this.
But MARI quickly grabbed SUNNY, quickly shifting to block the staircase. The… staircase?
This… this all seemed so familiar.
SUNNY’s heart dropped.
No… no. Why was she here? Wait—No-... nonono. Please. Not again. Why here? How many times is she gonna have to see this? Please- please just let go.
“Don’t you have anything to say for yourself!? How could you do that!?”
Let go! Please…! Get- get off of me!
“Answer me!”
It hurts—please…SUNNY was sorry, she hadn’t meant it. She had just been so…so frustrated.
“Don’t you have any idea how hard we all worked for that damn violin!? How could you throw it away, like… like it was just some piece of GARBAGE!?”
She just… she just needed to get out of there! Please, just… just let… just let her—let her GO!
“Stop being so damn quiet and SAY SOMETHING!”
SUNNY quickly tried to take another step back, but MARI, quick to react, forcefully grabbed SUNNY by the arm and tried to pull her back.
“What do you think you’re doing!? I’m not done talking!”
“ — LET ME GO!”
It had been pure instinct. A mere fraction of a second, a quick lapse in judgement. What else could she have done? She had just wanted to leave. She was just trying to shove her out of the way.
But MARI, trying to take a step back to recover, hadn’t expected the ground under her to be so much further down. Losing her balance, she stumbled backwards, and—surprised at the lack of support—MARI tripped, desperately trying to reach for the railing. But she couldn’t, it was already too late.
It was always too late.
SUNNY could do nothing but watch. It all happened so quickly—within just a split second, MARI was no longer standing in front of her.
As MARI made contact with the ground, a loud banging noise rang out through the entire house.
…
A deafening silence had taken over the very atmosphere surrounding her.
It was like time had stopped. SUNNY was completely frozen.
…
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And then, she could hear a deep voice coming from the direction of the living room.
“...MARI?”
SUNNY woke up with a start. Clutching her chest, she tried to stop herself from hyperventilating. She could feel tears flowing through her eyes.
SUNNY cupped her face in her hands, letting out a shaky, pathetic whimper.
…It had been four years since that day. They say time heals all wounds, but this one felt like it would never fade.
SUNNY took a deep breath, like she always did, this entire charade having become routine at this point.
In…
…And out…
…In…
…And out…
…In…
”...And out.”
Once the worst of it had subsided, SUNNY felt safe enough to throw her blankets off to the side and plant her trembling legs on the carpet next to her bed. SUNNY sighed. Something told her she was probably not going back to sleep anytime soon, so instead, she decided to shift her focus onto other things. Like maybe the phone sitting atop her nightstand.
Reaching for and turning the phone on with her still-trembling hand, she was greeted by the blaring light of the display and the bright white clock on her start screen.
3:38 AM… To be honest, it could’ve been worse. Usually, she’d be waking up at 1:00, maybe 2:00 AM. Guess she’d just get an early start today.
Gathering whatever strength she had left, SUNNY pushed herself off the bed.
Well, since she won’t be going back to sleep…Maybe she could stand to freshen up a little. A nice, warm bath might help her relax a bit.
SUNNY takes a few cautious steps towards the exit of her room, making sure to keep herself steady. Slowly twisting the doorknob, a dark void greeted her.
SUNNY was now standing in a relatively small hallway. She could hardly see a thing, but she could still make out the door to the bathroom just a few steps off her room. SUNNY made sure to tip-toe and enter quietly, so as not to wake up her father. He already deals with enough as is, she thought.
Walking to the large mirror on the wall opposite of the entrance, SUNNY finally got a good look at herself. She winced, and her reflection noticeably shrunk at the sore sight. There SUNNY stood, with her hair, which was unbelievably long (for her, at least), a complete mess. She had huge dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes, which themselves were puffy and red. And if all of that wasn’t bad enough, her nightgown was sticking to her sweaty body.
I look horrible…
—
Half an hour later, SUNNY was idly standing in the kitchen, staring and waiting for her cup noodles to finish cooking. According to the instructions, she’d have to wait 3 minutes for them to be done. With nothing else to do, she let her mind wander.
Four years… A lot’s changed since then.
After what happened, SUNNY’s father had found them. He had been quick to react and MARI was subsequently taken to the hospital. Luckily, despite the injuries, she’d end up making a full recovery. SUNNY would never get to see it, though, as immediately upon being discharged, MARI ended up moving to the city with her mom.
SUNNY had been too ashamed to visit her at the hospital, so the last time SUNNY ever saw MARI, she was…
…Actually, she’d decided that she’d rather eat her noodles undercooked.
SUNNY sat down at the dinner table with a pair of chopsticks. After trying to latch onto the noodles with a little more effort than she’d have liked, she finally managed to get a good grip on them. SUNNY raised the chopsticks to her lips and… OW!! She internally gasped, burning her tongue on the piping hot broth coating her noodles.
A minute later, after thoroughly blowing on the molten ramen, she gave it another go. It was surprisingly decent. Still a little hot, but she could soldier on, if only for the sake of her empty stomach. SUNNY let out a hum of delight and finally dug in, feeling safe enough to actually enjoy her meal.
A few minutes later, SUNNY threw her cup away and began making her way back to her room. She felt satisfied and ready to take on the day! Sure, “the day” would only consist of playing video games, watching videos and getting into stupid arguments online, but what does that matter?
But before she could enter her room, SUNNY heard the “click” of the hallway light switch and suddenly, intense amounts of burning bright white bled onto her eyes.
"A-Ah!" She pitifully whined.
She could hear a snort off to her side. "Sorry, sorry! Couldn't resist," she heard her father's tired voice behind her.
It wasn't funny! He'd just practically flash-banged her! At least give her a second to adjust, and preferably a heads-up next time...
"Why are you up this early?" SUNNY's father groggily asked. "...Did you have another nightmare?"
"Y-Yeah... Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you..." SUNNY murmured.
SUNNY's father sighed and rubbed his eyes. "No, no, don't worry, it's fine. Have you eaten anything yet?"
"Mhm..."
"That's good, at least." SUNNY's father awkwardly commented.
...
"...Okay," not really knowing what to add, SUNNY turned towards the direction of her room, only for her father to quickly call out to her again.
"Hey- Hold on, actually... We need to talk. It's... Rather important."
SUNNY felt her heart drop a little, but she tried to brush it off. What could he possibly need to talk about? Was something wrong?
Begrudgingly, SUNNY followed her father to the kitchen, taking a seat at the exact spot she had just been sitting in not even a few minutes ago.
SUNNY's father, on the other hand, had gone over to the kitchen counter to tend to their coffee.
"...So, how's school been? Had any trouble?
Really? Surely that's not what he wanted to talk about?
"It's been going okay... It's all been pretty easy, mostly..."
"Really? ...Right, of course. You've always had a good head on your shoulders, SUNNY," her father softly said.
SUNNY's ears couldn't help but burn red at that. Any kind of praise was enough to fluster her, but it felt especially important coming from someone as accomplished as her father.
Her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of a cup being planted right in front of her.
"...Here. Extra sugar, just how you like it."
SUNNY took a hearty sip of the warm coffee. It was perfect. She'd taken a liking to it after she started having nightmares... It helped her stay awake on the worse nights.
That, and there was no one left to comfort her through them...
...
SUNNY's father cleared his throat, grabbing SUNNY's attention.
"...You know I care about you right? That I always want the best for you?"
What? What?
What brought this on?
"O-Of course, I do...!" SUNNY tried to push out to the best of her ability.
By all means, he should have hated her, abandoned her. She'd ruined everything. And yet, for some reason, he stuck around.
He had never been particularly affectionate, and even to this day he spent most of his days working.
But he cared. She knew he did.
"...I'm worried about you, SUNNY. About... About what you'll be doing after you're done with high school."
Oh no. That... didn't sound good.
"I can't let you shut yourself out like this anymore, SUNNY. I can't keep leaving you at home all day."
SUNNY stared at him blankly.
"It's... This isn't good for you, SUNNY."
She was frowning. The idea of going out again, after all this time? The thought terrified her. No way. The only time she ever left the house was whenever she had to go talk to her therapist, and even then, she avoided any and all unnecessary interaction with others. Where could Dad possibly be going with this?
"You need social interaction. Everyone needs social interaction. You can't... You can't avoid the world forever, SUNNY."
Huh? She doesn't "need" anything! She's just fine like this. Sure, she would probably crumble at even the simplest greeting, but what did that matter? Where is all this even coming from? It feels like she'd only just gotten back to living a somewhat ordinary life.
"...Which is why...I've decided that you're going to finish high school in person, at Faraway High."
...
...What?
SUNNY's heart plummeted. She had to let the thought marinate in her head for a few seconds, unable to register what she was hearing. Once the reality of her father's words set in, she immediately rose up from her seat and slammed her hands on the table.
"W-What!?" She wailed, summoning all her strength. "N-No!"
"SUNNY, Faraway High is only a short way's from here. Getting back out there would be good for you," he said, standing his ground.
"But I told you I was doing fine! Everything's great, I don't need to go to school, my g-grades are good!" SUNNY desperately pleaded.
"This isn't your decision, SUNNY. I know it's not easy, but you can't keep going on like this. And I'm not talking about your grades, this is about you. You need actual interaction with other people, this kind of isolation is dangerous, SUNNY."
"N-No! Nonononono! P-Please, I can't! I- can't!" SUNNY pleaded. She could feel her eyes welling up with tears. "Please! I C-Can't, I..." Her throat tightened. The caring yet stern look on her father's face told her everything. He wasn't going to yield. T-This isn't h-happening, this... This can't be happening! She c-can't do this!
The world around her turned into a blur, her mind beginning to race. It's like she could feel the burning gazes of all those people on her back. All those- All those people! They'd see her, and they'd think- they'd know she's a complete failure.
Her breathing was starting to quicken. They'd know, and then they'd- they'd-
Suddenly, her father wrapped his arms around her.
"I know," he tried to reassure her.
She didn't reciprocate, only managing a sob. "I can't..."
"None of this is easy, I know. But it's for the best. You'll adjust, I know you will. You're strong, SUNNY, I know you can handle it," her father consoled.
It didn't help at all. She couldn't find any comfort in his words. Instead, she cried even harder.
SUNNY never left the house for a reason. Why should she burden the world with her existence? Why were other people forced to suffer her presence just so she could get "better"? She didn't... She couldn't deal with all those judging eyes being directed at her. Letting all those students watch her cry over the... stupidest things would be unbearable. I-I can't... I can't do this. She could feel her breathing start to quicken.
SUNNY forced herself off her father's grip and bolted back to her room. She couldn't do this. She couldn't do this!
"S-SUNNY!" Her father tried to reason behind her, but she wasn't having any of it. Slamming her bedroom shut, she locked it and pushed her back against the door. Sitting on the soft carpet, she cried.
I can't do this...