Work Text:
“It felt so strange when you were gone,” Kanade says. “I wasn’t used to being alone.”
Mafuyu stirs his tea, pondering. “It’s sort of interesting, living together. I thought about it a lot when I was back at home.”
“Yeah… I’d imagine it was pretty different,” Kanade says, sheepish. “I hope it’s not too jarring to have to come back here after being with your parents…”
He shakes his head. “No, it’s not a bad thing. It’s nice. Even though it’s different.”
“Oh.” Kanade smiles softly. “That’s good.”
Mafuyu sips his tea. He missed this, actually. He missed it a lot. It’s because they’re the same age, maybe, that it feels so special. To just exist near each other, taking care of each other, helping each other.
He’s happy that Kanade knows his family now, and she still advocates for him anyway. It’s made him wonder what it’d be like if he wasn’t alone growing up. If there was someone to be there for him. Kanade was an only child too, so neither of them would have any idea…
“Do you think this is what it’d be like to have a sister?” he asks idly.
Kanade sputters, coughing on her tea. “ What? ”
He blinks. “Are you okay?”
“I-I’m fine…” she says, failing to meet his eyes. “It’s just… um… I don’t think… it’d be like that. I guess.”
Mafuyu cocks his head. “How so?”
“Um… I guess, it’s like… siblings usually fight all the time, right… Like Ena and her brother… But we don’t fight at all. I mean. I don’t think so.” She laughs. Awkwardly.
Mafuyu narrows his eyes, watching for her reaction. “You know Shizuku, right? She doesn’t really fight with her sister… I was thinking more like that…”
Kanade looks away. “I guess.”
Mafuyu is unsure what to make of this.
There’s clearly something bothering her, but… well, it is what it is. Kanade doesn’t like to talk about herself very much, so he chooses to leave it alone for now. It’s not the point.
He realizes the closeness is what he really missed.
“Thanks for being here for me, anyway,” he says.
She almost chokes again, only coughing a few times. “I… yeah. Of course I am. It’s no big deal.”
Mafuyu raises his eyebrows. “…You’re sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. It’s just… it was out of nowhere,” she says. “Well, it was right after… never mind. Sorry.”
“Did I do something?” he asks. She almost never reacts like this. Like there’s something she’s not telling him. He tries not to let it get to him.
Kanade cradles her cup in both hands, frustrated. “I… ugh. It’s not you. I’m sorry. Ignore me, please.”
He says nothing.
…She does not drink any more tea.
It should be dark outside, but all those city lights… He forgot to close the curtains before getting in bed. Ugh.
He’s partway through climbing out of bed when there’s a knock at his door.
“Come in,” he calls.
Kanade gently pushes the door open. “Mafuyu. I just wanted to check on you, I guess. Sorry if I interrupted you.”
“No, it’s… it’s fine,” he says, sitting back down on the bed. What was he doing?
“I, um, I wanted to ask how it’s going.” Kanade asks, gingerly sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. “Sorry… we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
A pit forms in his stomach. “Oh.” He swallows. “Sorry. It’s… I don’t know.“
“Okay. Okay, that’s fine. Don’t worry.”
Mafuyu breathes, trying to ease the tightness in his throat. Ugh…
“Mafuyu?” she asks. “I can stay here, if you’d like.”
“Yeah,” he says, voice cracking. “Thanks.”
“Of course,” she says, finding his hand and squeezing it.
It’s been so hard to keep everything from spilling through the cracks, swallowing him up.
She’s right here beside him.
“Thank you,” he says, vaguely aware that he’s repeating himself.
Kanade looks him in the eyes. “I’ll always be here if you need anything, okay?”
Mafuyu doesn’t deserve her, but of course, that’s always been true. When he had nothing left, she was there.
…The streetlights from outside lend a sheer cast to everything in the room, saving them from complete darkness. Maybe it would be easier if she didn’t have to see him.
“Kanade?” he asks. He feels very small.
Her eyes are curious. “Yeah?”
“I… even though I’m supposed to be home… I’m glad I’m here anyway.”
She exhales. “Hey, I get it. I wish everything was okay, but it’s not, so.” She smiles softly. “I’m glad you’re here too.”
Mafuyu breathes, and he does feel a little calmer. Kanade is like that. He feels that he could melt under her eyes if she saw him, really saw him. He’s never been strong enough.
Many times, he’s tried to describe her in his lyrics. It never seems to come out quite right. Occasionally, though, he’s really able to nail his amorphous feelings surrounding her. Softness. Flickering shadows. A painful tug at his heart. He doesn’t even understand it himself, but if he puts it in abstract terms, it feels recognizable when he reads it back.
Kanade shifts, jolting him back to reality.
“Hey, Mafuyu?” she asks, nervously stroking his hand with her thumb. “Do you mind if I tell you something?”
“…Yeah?” he asks.
“I love you,” she says. She’s trembling slightly, but her gaze is firm.
“Oh,” he says.
“Sorry if this changes things,” she says, looking away. “I just wanted you to know.”
He’s frozen in place. Out of all the things he could’ve expected… he was utterly unprepared for this.
He doesn’t know so many things. What does he feel? How should it feel?
What happens if he can’t feel it at all?
“…How did you know?” he asks, carefully.
She grips his hand a little tighter. “Oh. Well. I guess it’s a little more embarrassing to say out loud now, but.” She smiles sheepishly. “I want to make you smile. I always have, I think. More than anyone else.”
Something happens when she says that. A sharp pang in his chest. It’s not a bad feeling.
He thinks of all the times Kanade smiled when she realized he was home. When she laughed awkwardly to conceal her nerves. When she listened to a song she was truly proud of and beamed in satisfaction.
“I think I can understand that,” he says.
She fidgets. “Yeah?”
He nods.
Mafuyu gets the feeling, suddenly, that he should move closer. He rests his head on her shoulder. It just feels like the right thing to do.
“You’ve been tense today,” he says.
“…Yeah?” Kanade sighs. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he says.
He wonders if she’s been planning to tell him all day.
“…Oh,” he says, blinking. “That’s why you were upset when I said— about sisters…“
She tenses. “Oh my god. Yeah, um. I’m… sorry about that…”
“It’s okay,” he says.
“…Sorry, um. Mafuyu?” Kanade says. “It’s 1 AM. By the way. In case you…”
He hugs her arm against his chest. “Can they wait?”
Her eyes widen. “Oh, my god. Yeah, of… of course. I… yeah. Sorry. Yeah.”
“…Okay,” he says.
The room is still. Save, of course, for the occasional glow of headlights outside. Mafuyu likes the world they’ve found themselves in. Dark and alone, but together.
“Kanade?” he asks.
“Yeah?”
“I’ve missed you,” he says.
Kanade squeezes his hand. “Me too.”