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He was holding onto the steering wheel not noticing how tight his grip was until his phone buzzed beside him and he had to let go and reach for it. Buck is in the parking lot of the airport waiting to pick up Eddie.
Im off the plane
With a sigh, Buck exits the car and makes his way to the airport terminal to wait for Eddie. The sounds of a busy airport buzzing through his ears, people are passing him by not paying him any thought.
Buck hadn't seen Eddie since he left for El Paso, he was excited to see him again but he would have hoped it wouldn't be under these current circumstances. He can feel his heart racing and blood pumping faster. His mind can't help but wander to what Tommy called Eddie that one morning. Competition.
But Buck waves that thought away the moment he sees Eddie walking through the gate and he begins to make his way towards him. Some sense of urgency in his steps, like he is a magnet being pulled towards the other man.
Once Eddie notices Buck, he drops his bag, closing the distance with haste. It's a firm hug. A condolences hug. Neither of them anticipated meeting so soon. Eddie tightens the hug.
“Hey.”
Is all Eddie can manage.
“Hi…”
Buck starts feeling vulnerable, something in his body ushering him to put some distance between the two of them, causing him to pull away from the hug. He sees Eddie up close for the first time in a while. He grew a stubble, he looks tired.
“C'mon, let's get you ho- out of here.”
Buck reaches for Eddie's bag and ushers them both out of the terminal. The ride back home is silent and heavy. Buck can feel Eddie stealing glances at him but tries to keep his mind on the road.
When they arrive, the house is quiet. Buck places Eddie's bag on the couch and heads in the direction of the kitchen.
“I'll make us some coffee, make yourself at home-”
Buck stops and looks at Eddie. Eddie let out a weak laugh. They lock eyes for a moment and Buck's breathing stops. Eddie can tell. He always understood Buck. They didn't need words. Eddie opened his arms, inviting Buck for another hug.
Buck stumbles over his words.
“It's okay Eddie, I'll ju-”
“Come here Buckley.”
Eddie playfully raises his arms more, signaling Buck to come over and give him a hug.
“We both need this, you don't have to bottle it up with me.”
As if it was the flip of a switch, Buck raced into Eddie's arms, locking him into a deep embrace. Eddie is warm and comforting, Buck doesn't want to let go. And he doesn't for a while.
Buck takes in each breath Eddie makes. How much he missed him, his touch, his presence. Eddie is moving his arms in a soothing motion on Buck's back. And Buck just holds him tighter. Comforting circles between his shoulder blades, again, and again…if his heart wasn't beating so fast, he would have fallen asleep right here.
Now that Eddie is here, it is so much more clear to Buck how he needed him around. He takes in his smell, a familiar sort of scent. One he has grown so used to, one he began to forget.
It's a comforting sensation; the smell of Eddie in his nostrils. Beneath the smell of travel, he could smell a stupidly expensive cologne. It was rich– intoxicating, going straight to his head. It made him light headed; the smell of Eddie, the presence of him. He smelled so much of home it made his heart ache. It grounded him, here in his arms, his solid body against his own. Buck had never felt so warm.
He doesn't know how long this hug has been going on, but neither of them had let go yet. Buck remembers reading about how amusement park characters don't let go of a child's hug first, it's the child that has to let go.
Who am I in this situation? Am I the child in this scenario? I'm definitely the child huh.
He still doesn't let go and another minute passes. The feelings Buck has been keeping down suddenly decide to burst. At first its small sniffles. But rather quickly it turns to sobbing. His body feels heavier. His legs are shaking, he can't stand anymore.
Buck pushes himself out of the hug and collapses to the ground.
“Woah– careful.”
Eddie fails to catch him.
“I've been trying to keep strong for everyone-”
Buck exclaims between weak sob filled breaths, he tries to stop the crying but nothing helps. Bobby had asked– he’d asked him personally to be strong for everyone, be the link that can keep everyone together, yet here he is; a sobbing, heaving mess when he should be up on his feet headstrong and–
“Hey, hey-”
It’s not until Eddie gets down to Buck's level that he realizes he was on the floor, tasting the salt of his tears on his lips. Eddie is sitting in front of him on the floor. Buck seems as if he is about to curl himself into a ball. Eddie reaches a hand to him, placing it on Buck's shoulder and gently pressing his thumb down.
“He said-” Buck starts, a sob cutting off his words. He feels like he can’t breathe. “He told me they’re gonna need me-”
“You never have to be strong for me-” Eddies squeezes his shoulder; It’s heavy and it’s grounding. It’s a familiar gesture- he’s done this many times before. He knows it’s the only thing that could pull Buck out of his own head. “You can let go. I'll be here to help you pick it up later. To fix any hole in the wall.”
Eddie smiles gently. Buck looks up at him, and through blurry eyes he notices Eddie has also been crying. His face is tear stained and his eyes are red and glossy.
“Thanks Eddie, I appreciate you being here. I love you.”
Bucks voice is cracking, barely getting the words to come out. Eddie sighs in relief and pulls Buck for another hug, still on the floor.
“I love you too buddy, I love you too.”
One day they'll understand what type of love they have for each other, but today they just need to stay in the familiar comfort.