Work Text:
Ena pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes until it burned, her vision pulsing red. It wasn’t working. She’d been trying to draw this album cover for days, weeks, it felt like, and she couldn’t get anything right— not the colour, not the composition, nothing at all. Amia had finished the MV ages ago, and the song was basically done, except everyone was waiting on Ena’s vocals so Yuki could mix them. They were so close. They’d be done already if not for her.
Her phone buzzed on her desk, rattling against her pencil cup, and Ena groaned as she reached for it, dragging it across her mouse pad. She was weirdly dizzy, and her head hurt, and she was still sort of seeing spots from how close she’d come to clawing her eyes out, and the light of her phone was doing her no favours in any of those regards. Still, she squinted through the pink glare of her screensaver, struggling to make out her newest notification.
白石杏🎤🌟Vivid BAD SQUAD added to their story.
Ena paused for a moment, trembling fingers suspended over her lock screen. It was nearing midnight. If she knew what was good for her, she’d put her phone down and go to bed.
Well, she knew what was good for her either way. The difference was in how much she cared.
With a sigh that scraped at her throat, Ena pulled her phone closer to her chest and opened Instagram. There was a flood of new likes, comments, DMs— it would probably be a good idea to clean out her requests soon— but she ignored all of them, heading straight for An’s profile, first in the list. Ena’s eyes widened as she clocked the happy green ring around An’s profile picture. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been on An’s private story. It would probably just be a cute selfie or something, maybe a song demo? What did professional musicians put on their priv?
Whatever it was didn’t really matter. An had chosen to show it to her. Eagerly, Ena waited for it to load.
first to like this post gets to hear my dirtiest secret of all 💋
Ena had forgotten that An texted like that, all lowercase, barely any punctuation. All her public posts were so formal.
It was a weird post, though. Nothing but the corner of An’s room. Ena felt her shoulders slump, holding down the corner of the post with her thumb to keep it from skipping. She wasn’t sure why, but she’d expected… something more. There was no selfie. No music. Just the trap An had laid.
But if An had intentionally added Ena to the list of viewers…
She leaned closer to her phone, scanning every centimetre for anything out of place, any sort of hint as to what An was trying to tempt her with. It was bullshit. An hadn’t talked to her for years , practically, and when she finally did it was just to trick her? Ena was too smart for that, too smart and far too proud. She refused to give An the satisfaction of biting at whatever bait she’d put out. She could turn the page now.
Her eyes stayed glued to the screen, skipping across An’s floorboards. An was such a bitch .
Ahem. You can turn the page now.
Seriously, who did she think she was?
Hello. Ena. Are you gonna—
Ena’s phone fell to her lap as her breath caught in her throat. She fumbled to pick it back up, swiping back to An’s story and screenshotting it and zooming in as far as her phone would let her. She’d seen that red ribbon before.
…Amia?
She leaned back in her seat, cradling her phone in both hands, staring at her ceiling and taking deep breaths. It was fine. It was fine.
She glanced back down at the screen.
first to like this post…
She hated An. She hated An so much .
… my dirtiest secret of all 💋
What did Amia have to do with An? Ena’s grip tightened around her phone case, the screen going dark in her hand. She knew they went to school together, but Amia had never told her… never mentioned anything about…
Didn’t Amia know what An had done to her? They had to. Didn’t they care ?
They didn’t care. Neither of them did, not Amia, not An, and An was just as much of a backstabbing bitch as she used to be. Ena dug her fingers into her thigh with her left hand, haphazardly tapping through her apps with the other, glaring at An’s stupid smiling face in all her grid posts.
Ena wasn’t falling for An’s shit. She wasn’t going to like the damn picture, feeding An’s ego. No. An wouldn’t outsmart her. She’d get straight to the point.
enanan <3: IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS? WHY DO YOU HAVE MIZUKI AKIYAMA’S RIBBON ON YOUR FLOOR?!
Her room was silent apart from Ena’s breathing, the whirring of her computer, her clock ticking on the wall.
One.
Two.
Three.
Seen.
This bitch is not going to leave me on read.
enanan <3: IS THAT YOUR BEDROOM?
Even before she typed it out, Ena knew the answer to her own question. It was, it had to be; the wood looked like the same colour she remembered, and the black and white rug in the bottom of the frame was the same one she and An used to sit on together to paint each other’s nails, because An didn’t want nail polish on her bedspread. Ena bit the inside of her cheek, imagining Amia sitting across from An instead, Amia taking An’s hand in theirs and gently securing one of her fingers between their own… they’d chat, probably, while they worked, and An would make a joke, and Amia would laugh, and laughing would make Amia’s hands shake, and they’d smudge polish on An’s knuckle, and both of them would only laugh harder, and—
Ena growled at herself, forcing herself to stop thinking, swallowing as hard as she could and ignoring the hollowness in her stomach. Seen.
enanan <3: WHY WAS MIZUKI IN YOUR BEDROOM?!
An’s typing bubble only stayed for a second.
白石杏🎤🌟Vivid BAD SQUAD: you didn’t like the post
I hate you. I fucking hate you. Ena dug her nails into her palms, shaking, staring down at her phone. The blinking cursor was mocking her. An didn’t send anything more, didn’t even start typing, but her status icon stayed green. In chat.
Seething, Ena navigated back to An’s story, letting the cracking of her acrylic nails against her phone screen soothe her, just a little bit. She ignored An’s caption, pretended not to care about the way An was teasing her, pretended like she wasn’t about to walk right into it. She had self-respect, but not enough. An was smart. She knew exactly what she was doing. And she had Ena in the palm of her hand.
Whatever.
enanan <3: I liked your stupid post.
An said nothing. Ena knew she’d seen it.
enanan <3: Now tell me what you’re doing with Amia.
白石杏🎤🌟 Vivid BAD SQUAD: who says im doing anything with them?
白石杏🎤🌟 Vivid BAD SQUAD: why so suspicious, ena?
Ena was a few seconds away from throwing her phone across the room, but she sat back in her chair and forced herself to take a deep breath.
enanan <3: Fuck you, Shiraishi.
It didn’t really help. Ena watched An’s profile picture pop up in the corner of her screen, typing infuriatingly slow, disappearing and reappearing. She didn’t have the patience for this. An was probably all too happy to take her time, gloating behind the screen, proud of the way she was making Ena squirm. I’m going to end her.
Ena didn’t think, just watched her thumb stretch towards the top right corner of her screen, her heart pounding in time with the cheery melody of Instagram’s ringtone. By the time it got around to the fourth repeat Ena was about ready to strangle herself. Her breath hissed through her gritted teeth.
enanan <3: Pick up the phone.
An’s sigh crackled through the microphone. As if she gets to be annoyed with me . “What do you want?”
Ena sighed right back at her, forcing herself to be calm, be civil, not bite anyone’s head off. “Don’t be stupid, An,” she spat. “You know what I want. What’s Amia doing in your room?” I swear to God if you tell me to like your post again—
“Who says they aren’t just hanging out with me doing a project together?” An asked, a barely-concealed giggle clear beneath her voice. “What does it say about you that you immediately assume they’re doing anything ?”
“I fucking hate you,” Ena muttered, hating the way her neck started to prickle. An had gotten under her skin. Damn it . She was better than this. She was supposed to rise above it, or something, but An’s voice echoed in her head. What does it say about you?
She shook it off, taking a deep breath, willing away the nausea. “Just tell me if Amia’s into you. I gotta know how low their standards have gotten after all this time.”
More crackling from the other end of the line. Either An was talking to her from across the room or her mic was shit . “God, you’re a bitch. Yeah, so Zu’s into me? What’s it to you?”
Zu? Who are you calling Zu? Ena forced herself to keep breathing. “I told you.” She hoped her voice wasn’t too shaky. It was all she could do to keep a sort-of-neutral tone. “I gotta keep their standards in check. Zu. What if they liked being Zu better than Amia? “Sad that they couldn’t find anyone better than you.” Breathe, Ena. “Do you hook up or something? Or is it, like, official?”
Despite her anxiety, Ena felt a tiny smile grow on her face when An gasped, indignant. She could just see the fury in An’s eyes. Her face was probably so red. “We hook up,” An replied. “Frequently.”
Oh, she’s trying so hard. Ena sat back in her chair, crossing her legs. She was in it now. An was about to regret ever messing with her. “I figured,” she mused, twirling a strand of her hair. “So, like… how much do they pay you?”
“You bitch!” An squeaked, and Ena had to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. “I don’t pay them for shit! They came on to me , if you’ve gotta know, and…” She was struggling, Ena could hear it. “They practically begged me to fuck them, and now they beg me to keep fucking them! They still don’t want you!”
Ena’s eyes narrowed.
“Never have, never will!” An taunted. “You’re not pretty enough for them anyway!”
Ena gasped, her eyes flying open, the volume buttons on her phone digging into her skin. “I’m prettier than you’ll ever be,” she snarled, imagining her Instagram profile. Thousands of followers, thousands of likes. Notifications day and night. The real sign of making it online was the brigade of pedophiles in your hidden requests.
“Sure, sure,” An crooned. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
Ena wanted to punch her teeth out. “Okay,” she replied. “So… I assume that was the secret?” Against her better judgment, she pulled An’s story back up, gaze lingering on that familiar red ribbon. “Pretty lame secret if you ask me.” She was seconds away from snapping. Could An tell?
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
Ena shrugged, rolling her eyes. An was not going to win. “Who cares who you hook up with?”
“Well, obviously you do.”
Damn my fucking life to hell.
“You gotta have one redeeming quality, Ena,” An laughed. “If you can’t be cute, you might wanna work on your smarts.”
As if An was so much smarter than her? As if An was so much cuter? Who’s the one who used to do all your stupid homework, huh? Who’s the one who put you through middle school? “Shut the fuck up,” Ena growled. “I”m not stupid. I’m not ugly.” Which one of us has got hundreds of guys desperate in her comments, bitch? Bitch can barely pull one girl? “My selfies get thousands of likes! Whatever. Didn’t know you broke up with Kohane.” So what if An had Amia? Ena could throw it right back at her. “Good for her, though. I’d be ashamed to walk around knowing everyone knew I was dating someone like you. Maybe I should show her what it’s like to date a real girl.”
Not the best phrasing. Still, Ena could hear An scoff and stammer as she fumbled for a retort. “Think about dating me often?” Ena only smiled. The tension in An’s voice was rewarding enough that she didn’t even try to bite back. “Whatever. Kohane’s proud to be dating me. Just like anyone else would be.”
The world around Ena seemed to slow down completely.
Kohane’s proud to be dating me.
“Is she now?” Ena replied, giving up on holding back from laughing. “Still? Interesting.”
The hookups with Mizuki weren’t the secret exactly. This was.
An had gotten caught in her own trap. She wasn’t even saying anything. Underneath her desk, Ena kicked her feet. This was going better than she ever could’ve imagined. Sure, An was a bitch, but what else was new? This was worth it. Ena hummed into the receiver. “So you’re one of those whores?”
“Hey!” Ena’s grin grew wider. An was so mad. “I am not a fucking whore! At least I don’t go around shoving my tits in the face of anyone who would want me!”
Ena’s thoughts ground to a halt.
WHAT THE FUCK?
“I do not do that!”
Dozens of nudes and barely-clothed selfies in her camera roll said otherwise. Something pinched at Ena’s stomach. Five thousand yen coming through her ko-fi. One of those whores.
“You sure fucking do!” An shouted back. “Or you would if anyone wanted you!”
Ena tried to shake off the shame, focusing back on An. “Plenty of people want me!” she spat. “I could have anyone I wanted! I…” Don’t say anything about Keita. “My posts get thousands of likes!”
“Anyone except Mizuki, I guess,” An replied.
Get their fucking name out of your mouth. “I’m impressed, An,” Ena snarled. “Didn’t know you had it in you to ruin the lives of two people you claim to love. And on purpose! Usually you do that on accident!”
An stopped. “What? What did I do to you, Ena? Really?”
Was she acting like she didn’t know or was she genuinely that stupid? “I can’t believe you don’t even know,” Ena replied, her cheeks still burning, hands shaking with adrenaline. “Typical.”
Before Niigo, An was almost all Ena had, and Ena was sure she knew it. She’d known exactly what she was doing when she started pulling away— first subtly, doing her own homework at the kitchen table, but it ramped up more and more until An had left completely and taken Akito with her. And now she was trying to take Mizuki, too.
“Whatever, An.” Ena scowled at the wall. “Have fun fucking over your officially unofficial girlfriends. Call me back when your life goes down in flames.”
She dropped her phone into her lap and sat there for a few minutes, wheezing, her chest burning with each breath. She hated An so much.
One of those whores.
They still don’t want you.
Maybe she hated herself too. Ena pressed her lips together and squeezed her eyes shut, trying her hardest not to cry. She had work to do. A drawing to finish.
A message from Amia popped up in the corner of her screen, followed immediately by a message from Keita.
You’re not pretty enough for them anyway.