Work Text:
Age 17
Dear Iwa-chan,
You didn’t give me the chance to say everything I wanted to say. In fact, you didn’t give me the chance to say anything. Mean, Iwa-chan, mean! Is that how you’re planning to treat me, your boyfriend, from now on? I mean, I guess the kissing was fine too, but still! Anyways, that’s why I’ve decided to write you this letter, which I will one day give to you and watch you blush your way through these memories.
Foremost, Iwa-chan, I am so happy! When you confessed (Iwa-chan I didn’t know your neck could turn so red!), I thought my heart was going to burst and at the same time throw up because I was planning to finally tell you how I felt and you had been so serious all day, which had made me edgy. And for once, you were so eloquent talking about all our fondest memories growing up together: going to the mountains over the summer with our dads for the first time, playing volleyball together as official setter and ace during middle school, marathoning movies together after exam periods, going out to party with our teams after victory, and our easy walks to and from school each and every day for these last twelve years. You said that those moments and the small ones that we’ve long forgotten have made your life perfect, well they have made mine perfect too.
For our whole lives, you’ve been by my side and I’d always taken that for granted until it really hit me after the spring tournament that soon we’ll be off to who knows what colleges and that we might be separated for the first time in our whole lives. When that realization hit me, it made me reevaluate us, and it made me realize that I don’t want to live through my life without having you by my side. You’ve seen every shade of me, from the envy to the vulnerable to the obsessed to the perfect (which you have to agree with me now on), and you’ve stuck with me through it all. Thank you, Iwa-chan. Thank you for always being there for me. For always supporting me. For always believing in me. For loving me. I’m sure that as time passes, as we get busier with our future, I, for one, will probably forget to say this to you, so remind me, ok? Remind me to thank you for staying with me through it all. Remind me to say I love you more often because I do. I won’t ever stop loving you as much as I do now, Hajime. I’m pretty sure, in fact, that I’ll just love you more.
Love,
Tooru
P.S. To future you, if you’re out of ideas for our anniversaries, take me to the planetarium. Please! I asked you tonight to take me there for our first official date and you smacked me. Iwa-chan, use your words! Violence is not the answer.
***
Age 18
Dear Iwa-chan,
I never pegged you for the romantic type! Today was perfect (and no I was not crying ok?! A bug flew into my eyes! I have big eyes, so they’re easy targets, jeeze!). Our first anniversary together and you really thought of everything. Makki and Mattsun helped you didn’t they? You can tell future me, even if you won’t tell present day me. I promise, that I, present day and future Oikawa Tooru, will not be the least bit mad if Makki and Mattsun did help you plan our first anniversary. You even remembered to get me flowers!
Also, I didn’t know you could bake, Iwa-chan. Or did you learn just for me? Because if you did that would make me fall in love with you just a little more. I did ask you tonight if you did learn for me, but, per usual, you told me to shut up and to eat the creme cake. Really Iwa-chan, manners. I keep reminding you and you either keep ignoring my thoughtful advice or don’t understand what I’m clearly trying to tell you, which is that you should treat me, your loving, wonderful, caring, always-looking-out-for-you boyfriend, with more tenderness and affection. My skull isn’t that thick, Iwa-chan. One day, you might even smack me so hard that I could develop amnesia and not remember who you are. Do you want that Hajime? Hm? Do you? Do you want me to forget all of our memories together? Hm? Future Iwa-chan, you better answer this to future me.
But really, Iwa-chan, do you think it would be possible at this point in our lives to forget the other? I mean every memory I have has you in it. My earliest memory is of me knocking down your blocks and crying because I was sorry (I really am sorry Iwa-chan about that. It was an accident. I mean I was only three for crying out loud. But, I do remember you being really nice about it and hugging me instead of hitting me. You should do that more often now, you know. Hug me instead of hitting me. I keep telling you, violence does not solve anything, Iwa-chan!) You don’t think it would be possible though, right? To forget each other. And even if we did, we would do everything in our power to help the other remember, right? I would, Hajime. If something caused you to forget me, I wouldn’t leave your side no matter what. You’d do the same right? For me? If something happened? Hold on, I’m going to ask Iwa-chan right now.
Iwa-chan. You can’t say something sweet and then push me out of the room because you’re doing homework! That isn’t how it works! Also, it’s our anniversary. You shouldn’t be doing homework! But for posterity, I’m going to document here (and also so I can see you blush in the future) what you just said, which was that you would stay by my side and help me remember and if I really couldn’t, that you would make me fall in love with you all over again. I knew you were capable of saying nice things, Iwa-chan. You should say nice things more often because it most likely prevents wrinkles. I am the perfect example, I always say nice things to you and do you see a wrinkle on this porcelain skin? Nope. Not a one.
Anyways, Iwa-chan. Today was one of the best days and will be one of my happiest memories because we spent the whole day, until now (you shouldn’t do work on our anniversary Hajime), together, and because it was our first anniversary as a couple. I love you.
Love,
Tooru
P.S. Is it too early to start thinking of our wedding now?
***
Age 19
Dear Iwa-chan,
We moved into our first apartment today! On our anniversary. It seems you always keep the big surprises for this day. Not that I mind. It’s sort of become tradition. And you know me, I’m one for keeping tradition.
I can’t believe you convinced everyone from Aoba Johsai to come down and help us though. I mean Makki and Mattsun, that’s understandable. They’re always game for free food (but now that they have a place to crash here in the city, they’re going to stop by more often and really Iwa-chan, you shouldn’t have given them a spare key. Who knows when or what they could be barging in on? You need to think of consequences, Iwa-chan instead of going into things full force). But, I guess it will be nice to see them more often and it was nice having the extra hands around. I still really am amazed at how you got Yahaba, Kyoutani, Watari, and Kunimi (Kindaichi would follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked him) to come though. Well, Yahaba would do most things for me and Watari seems game for whatever, but Kyouken-chan and Kunimi? How did you manage? You’ll have to tell future me because I kept asking you today and you just shrugged and said that you texted them to come down, told them there would be free food, and a place to spend the night, and then they all showed up on our doorstep.
With both of us entering our final year of university, we haven’t had much time to have fun recently have we? In fact, I think today was the first time I got to spend more than 2 hours with you in one day during this whole week, Iwa-chan. Who knew that becoming doctors would be so time consuming? So thank you, Hajime. For today. It was a much needed break. It was a much needed stress relief. And it was nice to get the whole team back together again.
I think you’re calling me for dinner. After that one incident, you won’t let me into the kitchen to help cook anymore. No one told me you couldn’t put foil in the microwave, Iwa-chan! Not all of us are blessed with innate kitchen knowledge. You could’ve just calmly told me that what I did was wrong instead of kicking me behind the knees and asking if I wanted to get us killed. Of course I didn’t, Iwa-chan. And now I know. And now we have a rule that I will go out to get the groceries and you will cook. I think we could’ve established this without all the yelling and swearing. There were probably children within earshot.
Anyways, you keep calling me for dinner and if I don’t move soon, you’re going to slap the back of my head. So, until next year. And really, Hajime, thank you for today. I know Makki and Mattsun kept saying it was weird that you thought having everyone over on our special day would be a good idea, but it was. It was the perfect thing to get my mind off of things. Thank you for always knowing exactly what I need. I love you.
Love,
Tooru
P.S. Do you think we should get some plants for the living room (I’ll probably wonder this for our future home as well)?
***
Age 20
Dear Iwa-chan,
I swear you love the dog more than you love me. How am I ranked below the dog in your heart, Hajime? JUST HOW? You had better have been joking when you told that to Mattsun. What a long day. Well, what a long month. Our medical school exams are a month away, so we couldn’t really do much today could we? With all the studying we’ve had to do, there hasn’t been much time for us, has there?
I can’t remember if I told you this morning, but thank you for breakfast. Even though you did make me get up an hour earlier to eat with you and even though I did complain about it, thank you for having us eat together. We should try to do that more often. Maybe tomorrow? Yes, I’ll try to wake up early tomorrow and get some coffee and bread from the bakery down the road. That would be nice right? Tell future me that we should have breakfast together more often, ok?
Do you think that as time goes on and as we head further down our career paths, anniversaries like today will become more frequent? Will we start having less and less time for each other? Will we just become two bodies sharing the same apartment, hardly talking anymore? Is that what’s going to happen, Hajime? I don’t want that! Iwa-chan, promise me that we won’t turn out like that. Please. And if it has, in the future, then force us to sit down and re-evaluate things so that we can fix it because I know that I don’t want to live without you and don’t want to live without talking to you at least once a day about something stupid. Ok, Hajime? Promi
Iwa-chan! It’s creepy that you know me so well, did you know that? Not that I care. I just thought I’d tell you again because it is. How can you always tell when I’m feeling down or anxious or starting to worry about something? And how do you know exactly what I need to pick myself back up again? I mean, I know the same things about you, but that’s after years of careful observation, which I don’t think you do with me, unless you do? Do you, Iwa-chan?
Although today was pretty crappy as far as anniversaries go as we didn’t spend much time together, thank you for ending it perfectly. Greasy take-out food and an alien movie (Iwa-chan, you should know after all this time that aliens are important to me so I don’t understand why you always grumble about it) marathon were just what this doctor ordered. Thank you, Iwa-chan, for taking care of me. I know that sometimes I don’t return the favor as well, but I will try harder.
Love,
Tooru
P.S. I like cuddly Iwa-chan.
***
Age 21
Dear Iwa-chan,
This is a day late and you probably remember what happened yesterday. At least, you better remember cause it was mind-blowing. MIND. BLOWING. I didn’t know you’d be into that sort of stuff, Iwa-chan, not that I mind, but wow. You could’ve told me sooner or at least told me instead of having Makki tell me. Out of all people, Makki? How did he even know? Were you looking at dirty magazines with him in the club room or during breaks in high school? Iwa-chan. I didn’t think you had it in you.
Anyways, you proposed, Hajime! And at the planetarium where we had our first date, no less! You even let me eat milk bread while I was crying. And, it wasn’t ugly crying, Iwa-chan! Seriously. I was just so happy and it’s not my fault that the tears started to pour out. Anyone, who received that kind of romantic proposal and didn’t cry would be heartless! HEARTLESS. Every year it astounds me how much of a romantic you can be and how much you remember when you pretend you don’t. Clearly the cogs in your brain aren’t as slow or as dense as you lead me to believe.
How did you convince the people there to let you run a slide-show of us growing up in the main theater? You kept saying it was a secret and that if you told me you’d have to kill me, but you better have told me by the time you’re reading this. I hope you didn’t bribe anyone or do anything illegal because I don’t want my future husband (oh my gosh that feels so weird writing that! Future husband! Future husband!) going to jail. It’s fine if Makki and/or Mattsun bribed or did something illegal if they helped you though. I wouldn’t hold it passed them at this point. What haven’t they done? Well, actually a lot. But really, Hajime. You better not have done anything on the wrong side of the law because we’re practically, basically, in a year, will be, legally tied together. Think of our future children!
Hajime, I can’t wait until we adopt kids together. I know that I always make fun of you for being brutish, but truthfully, you’re going to make the greatest dad. You’re attentive, caring, a super amazing cook (where did you develop this skill?), and above all, loving. I’m so lucky to have you watching my back and just, so lucky to have you in my life. I love you so much, Hajime. And I thankful for each and every moment that we had, have, and will have together.
Love,
Tooru
P.S. I think we should have a spring wedding.
***
Age 22
Dear Iwa-chan,
It was an honest mistake! And I know that every time I act crazy, you put up with it and I’m sorry. I say that a lot, but I really am sorry, Hajime! I love you!
Love,
Tooru
P.S. This letter is short, but I’m truly, really sorry. I love you so much, Hajime.
***
“Apparently, I’m supposed to remind you to thank me for sticking with you for all these years,” Iwaizumi said not glancing up from the first letter.
Oikawa nodded, then realizing that the other wouldn’t see the motion, said, “Thank you, Hajime.”
Iwaizumi nodded in acknowledgement and continued reading through the second letter, chuckling at certain parts and finally looked up to say, “Yeah, Makki helped me bake the cake, which you’ve probably guessed by now.”
“He does own a thriving bakery after all,” Oikawa agreed, pushing down the temptation to wring his fingers together as Iwaizumi opened the third letter. Oikawa watched the other read, savoring each quirk of the lip and the slight crease at the edges of his eyes when the other smiled at something he’d written all those years ago.
“We don’t need more plants, Tooru,” was all Iwaizumi mumbled, gesturing around their plant filled living room as he tore open the fourth letter.
“I want to have clean air in this city, Hajime,” Oikawa mumbled softly as to not disturb Iwaizumi. As he read this letter his brow began to furrow as he slightly frowned. Oikawa himself couldn’t remember what he had written and just prayed that it wouldn’t make the situation worse.
“We should have breakfast together more often,” Iwaizumi said, carefully folding up that letter, before proceeding to open the next one.
“We should,” Oikawa murmured in agreement. His heart starting to pound faster as Iwaizumi was getting closer and closer to reading the final letter.
Oikawa was pleased to see the frown vanish and be replaced with a blush that looked to be starting at the base of his neck, Oikawa knew otherwise that it was from his toes.
“Goddamit, Oikawa. You don’t need to hint so explicitly at what happened that night,” Iwaizumi growled. Oikawa suppressed a smirk. “Oh yeah,” Iwaizumi laughed softly, “I forgot about that.” He looked up suddenly to meet Oikawa’s glance. “I just told the people that worked there that I wanted to propose and that you were a space dork and they thought it was so sweet or whatever, so they let me play the slide-show. You’re not worth going to jail over, Tooru,” he snorted before finishing the letter, not giving Oikawa a chance to respond. “You’re going to make a great dad too,” Iwaizumi said giving Oikawa a slow smile, the one that always made Oikawa’s heart flutter, and then he opened the final letter.
Oikawa’s heart pounded painfully against his chest as Iwaizumi read through the last letter.
“The fuck?” Iwaizumi finally exclaimed, flabbergasted. “Was I supposed to be writing you letters? Because I wasn’t. I guess I could start now, if you wanted,” Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his neck. He always did that when he got embarrassed. “I can’t believe you wrote one every year since we got together. How much time did you have on your hands, Oikawa?” He waited for some sort of response, but still, Oikawa felt like if he opened his mouth, his heart would pop out onto the floor. “Do you--?”
“Don’t leave me, Iwa-chan!” The words burst from his lips before he could stop them. He felt tears starting to form in his eyes. He wrung his fingers together, shuffling one foot over the other as he glanced at Iwaizumi, pleading.
“What are you talking about, shittykawa?” Iwaizumi sighed, knowing after all these years together he should’ve expected this, but still.
“We got into our first real fight as a married couple, Hajime,” Oikawa cried. “And you didn’t come to bed last night. What if--?”
“Jesus fucking christ, Tooru. I came home at 4 in the morning. I was too tired to make it to the bedroom let alone to our bed.”
“But you didn’t even say anything after we fought,” Oikawa tried to continue.
“Yeah, we fought and then I got called in to do an emergency round at the hospital.”
“But--.”
“Tooru, we’ve fought our whole lives. I don’t think one fight about putting the soy sauce away is going to cause us to fall apart.”
“But--.”
“Look, I’m sorry,” Iwaizumi sighed, running his hand over his face, “School has been stressful and it wasn’t fair of me to snap at you.”
“I’m,” the tears started to leak out of his eyes and he couldn’t stop them, no matter how much he wanted to, “I’m sorry too, Hajime.” He threw himself into Iwaizumi’s outstretched arms; they both tumbled deeper into the couch. He felt safe. He felt home in Iwaizumi’s tight embrace.
“Your letters reminded me, I love you, Tooru. I haven’t said it much these last few months, but don’t ever doubt that for a minute. I’ve loved you. I love you. I will always love you, Oikawa Tooru.”
“I will always love you too, Iwaizumi Haji--.” He didn’t get the chance to finish as Iwaizumi had pulled him in for the kind of familiar kiss, like all those walks to and back from school, that he would never get tired of.