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Such complicated feelings still dare plague Ethan's mind, even as other problems for him to deal with had already piled up. The mourning for his nephew's death was still present, never to be forgotten. In the deepest part of his heart, It's like a knife stabbed deeply in the bare flesh and removal is not an option.
And yet for some reason, There was now a traitorous part in his brain that kept on straying away to a different memory. That night, when Xander kissed him… It kept on replaying at the back of his mind, like a worn out tape- recorder that kept on repeating the same line all over again.
And he felt helpless about it. A mixture of frustration, confusion, and exhaustion corrupts his being. Why did Xander kiss him? What did that mean? Was that out of hatred? Did he do it to inflict on Ethan? A way of hurting him emotionally perhaps? But why in that way? And most of all,
Why did he kiss back?
Ethan groaned heavily, his voice echoing through his dim and gloomy office. He was drunk that night, sure, yet he felt as though he couldn't use that as an excuse at all. He was still conscious, and he definitely knows what he's doing… but reflecting on it now… he deeply regrets it.
What's wrong with him, Kissing his ex's bestfriend to forget about the said ex? He must've gone insane.
Ethan sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, his eyes darting at his documentary and general investigation regarding Dean. Today, he's about to make things right.
He's gonna expose Dean's true identity to the Chief of police, So they can transfer the case to the higher- ups and take a much more advanced and immediate action to take Dean down.
Love— The deeper you sink, the deeper you drown. He shouldn't have involved himself with that criminal in the first place. He almost forgot who he was under his manipulative fingertips. After he killed his comrades, Ethan shouldn't have let it go so far, and now the cost?
Michael's life.
“Officer Niel?”
Ethan's voice reached the other side of the door he stands in, knocking three consecutive times in a calculated manner. In hand he held the file that will ruin lives, for both the better or for worse. But he's ready to face it all. No mercy. No Love. No compassion. Never again.
“Come in.”
After Ethan submitted the files to the Chief of the Police Department of Redwood, The burden in his heart felt… lighter. Sure There's still a heavy layer in it— one for all of the connections he has left with Dean, But other than that, He felt as if the pressure on Michael's case had slowly dissipated. As if he's finally given Michael his well- deserved justice… Now, he feels much more at peace…
Thanks to Alexander's help.
Ethan tensed up at his own thoughts, his brows furrowed in annoyance. That man's name again… never leaving him. Has he grown soft for him? Had all those times they interacted made him lower his guard down around the male? No, that couldn't be it. Xander just helped him for a cause. And he already fulfilled it. The deal was done— Meant to be so.
But then…
What did the kiss mean?
Ethan shook his head, clicking his tongue as if to snap himself back to reality. Stop thinking about it! It meant nothing. Maybe he's also a bit drunk, He did own the bar after all.
With yet another exasperated sigh, Ethan walked back to his office. He needs to find a way to busy himself with something… anything to forget about that kiss. It doesn't mean anything! For fuck's sake just forget about it. It's probably just a mocking gesture, a show of dominance. And with how Ethan treats his other antics… he should treat this one similarly; Just shrug it off and walk away.
Forget about it. No matter how hard.
After all, how could you forget something so… bizarre so easily…?
“Hey Aaron, Nina… What do you guys say we go clubbing after work?”
That should do the trick.
The red- head woman suddenly perked up at Ethan's words, eyes gleaming with excitement. Aaron peered over, skeptical and a tad bit concerned. Rarely— if not never— had he heard Ethan ask them out for drinks. It's mostly them inviting the other out, which would take at least a million pleadings and persuasions in line. So to be asked so suddenly… felt like a cry for help on his behalf.
And yet Ethan just shrugged the other's gaze off, pretending not to notice. He knew Aaron wasn't ignorant of his situation— Hell, he didn't even need to say it. It's quite obvious— Just by the way he carried himself. He knew he looked vulnerable and pitiful in their eyes right now, but Ethan needed this. He needed to forget. And he couldn't just go around asking people to help him. It's too much trouble. The world doesn't revolve around him, and He didn't want to burden anyone with the weight he's carrying. He can handle it. He knew he could.
Besides… to be free from the chains of Love— secretly enabling the one criminal that had hurted him so much took a heavy mental toll on him. He deserves a nice celebratory gift for it, no?
“So, are we all in?”
Since Ethan's investigation is still under Niel's reviewing process, it'll take some time before the tension comes… Till' then…
The war is yet to begin.
Meanwhile, As if his opposite parallel, Alexander sat inside his office at The Elder's building with a heavy heart. The whiskey glass rested tensed in his hand, as he took a tentative sip of the alcohol, Letting the bitter taste attack his Mouth and burn his throat with mild satisfaction. His eyelids were heavy, tired— feeling conflicted on the decision he has made of indirectly confessing to Ethan who killed his own nephew.
He had betrayed Chris yet again, and it kills him inside knowing it could cause another strain in their relationship if he found out. The chances of him successfully persuading the other to like him back was already low— if not zero.
And now… if Christian found out Xander had meddled with his affairs… What would he think?
Ethan deserves to know the truth, That much is at least something that'll lessen the guilt he's feeling. But was choosing to help his mortal enemy and sacrifice what trust he had left with Chris worth it? Because from what he remembered, He would've always chosen Chris… no matter how unjust, no matter how grim the situation was.
When had he ever chosen to side with the enemy?
Not to mention…
He kissed the said enemy.
Alexander grimaced, bringing the glass closer to his lips, taking a much needed, bigger gulp. Ever since the final revelation of Ethan's investigation, Xander slowly began distancing himself to Chris. The guilt was eating him whole, despite his indirect participation. He knew there'll be consequences to his actions, And he's ready to face it at the right time… But not now. He needs some time to reflect and prepare for what is to come his way.
And maybe to forget that damn kiss.
Why the hell did he even do such an audacious thing?
It's the same mouth that kissed his beloved. What was he trying to prove?
Amidst the silence and the loudness of his thoughts, A soft and formal knock registered through his office. With a sigh, He hid the whiskey bottle and glass under his table, before his voice replied for a permission to enter;
“Come in.”
The door opened, Revealing a dark- haired woman with a paleness of a ghost. In her arms clutched her helmet, as she strutted forward, examining the room before her eyes. observing…
Evelyn Kline.
Xander smiled softly, grateful for being graced with such presence.
“Hello, Evie…”
His voice was affectionate and caring, You'd almost mistaken it for love. Due to their busy schedules, It was almost seldom for them to meet, and it brought him the great comfort he unknowingly needed, knowing that the dominant woman is here to at least be of company, no matter how short.
When Evelyn's gaze finally met Xander's, she gave him a small nod and a smile, One that only Xander seemed to have been honored enough to see from the Evelyn Kline, knowing her vigilant nature to men.
“I heard you haven't been conversing with everyone outside of your work these past few days, So I came by to check on you.”
Xander's smile slowly faltered to a frown, as he stood up, and walked over to Eve with heavy footsteps. Once she's within his reach, Eve didn't even need any verbal cues— She just opened her arms and welcomed the other in her embrace.
“What's up with you, Xander? It's so unusual for you to be so non- communicative, hiding away. Especially to Chris-”
“Eve… Let's not talk about it.”
“ … Oh.”
Evelyn immediately noticed the way Xander's form grew more tense and restless at the mention of Chris. Who wouldn't? It's Christian Dean for fuck's sake. But this is also Alexander they're talking about, so why? What's the problem? Knowing Xander, he should've been the most enthusiastic one to talk about Chris amongst anyone in their friend group.
Evelyn snickered at the thought. Is Alexander's feelings for Chris slowly diminishing? Did something happen to them that caused it?
“Are you finally opening your eyes to the truth of Christian Dean?”
Alexander just sighed, knowing he couldn't tell Eve his turmoils. But Evelyn took it as a yes. Eve thought that If Xander's giving up on Chris, then either the world is healing, she's dreaming, or Chris definitely did something that made Xander's thoughts of him sour. Whatever it was, Eve just hopes he doesn't change his mind midway. It's always better to stay vigilant with everyone, after all. Especially to someone as hard to read as Christian Dean.
Ahh, but every great achievement doesn't last that long.
“Well… If your answer is yes, Then you're not gonna like what I'm about to say next.”
“Eve… Please tell me I wasn't required to come.”
Alexander was staring at his phone for at least longer than 10 minutes now. The private message of Chris asking him to hang out tonight after his duty made him feel anxious. Apparently, Chris had been trying to connect with Xander ever since last week. But he's muted on Xander's phone, So He instead reaches out to Eve for drinks, knowing that she wouldn't go anywhere with him without Xander. Eve, suspicious of the sudden invitation, asked— and found out not just from Chris, but to everyone in their shared group that Xander was apparently closed off, and out of reach.
If this is just any normal day, Then Xander would probably be too thrilled to even decline. Chris cared about him, how delightful, and other thoughts of sorts. But with the events that had followed these past few weeks… whether in Chris's awareness or not, He still felt too guilty and restless to face him right now.
“I know you're uncomfortable, and to be honest, I don't know what happened between you two. But if Chris was audacious enough to ask you out when you're literally avoiding him like the plague, Then that means he didn't know the reason you're avoiding him. And if he didn't know WHY you're avoiding him, Then wouldn't that make you look suspicious?”
Xander took a deep breath, coming out as a frustrated grunt as he ran a hand to his face. Eve had always been too quick- witted for her own good, Too smart for Xander's taste. But she also made a good point. If he had to keep his deal with Ethan a secret, then he had to at least show face here and there to avoid suspicions…
“Plus, he also invited me. You wouldn't want to leave me with him all alone, wouldn't you?”
Eve added, As if a final blow to get him to surrender. And it worked. The way Xander's face looked panicked at the thought of Eve and Chris alone made Eve smile in victory. She knew that although Xander does like Chris very much, Chris is not the only person he worries about.
He's very protective of Eve too. Keeping her and all of their other shared male friends at a certain distance, always in the middle to keep her safe. Eve entrusted Xander with her life story, and in return, gained a very trust- worthy gentleman to guard over her whenever they're together. Yes, she can protect herself, that one's obvious enough, But having someone to protect her was something she appreciated a lot, and would love to indulge in when she needed rest, and in moments of vulnerability.
“I'll come.”
Xander answered almost immediately. Eve hummed in satisfaction.
“Don't worry, Xander. This will be the first and last time I'll ask you to associate with Chris if you're still uncomfortable with him in the near future. I just really don't want to be alone with him.”
“Hey Xander! Good to see you again! Finally came out of your shell?”
Xander subtly grimaced, hearing the other's voice. Chris patted his shoulder with a smug grin, and Xander had to force himself to smile— subtly removing the other's hand on him.
“Yeah… sure.”
Eve had to hold back a snort, seeing how stiff Xander was. Although she did feel bad for him— feeling responsible for forcing the other to show up. So, she took the lead to be the middleman for Xander this time.
In a tentative manner, Eve slid her hands on Xander's shoulders, massaging it as if to coax him to relax it. When he did, she rested her head on him, gazing at Chris with a meaningful look.
“Xander was just stressed these past few days, Don't worry… I've already comforted him through it~”
Eve let her hand purposely land on Xander's chest— the subtle yet open act of seduction not lost to Chris. If anything, It surprised him that Eve would've even thought of doing such a thing. Eve, who repulsed men and anything close to interactions with them, was suddenly all over Xander?
And what's even more surprising, is that Xander was just allowing it to happen. What's Going on?
To try and ease the awkward and tensed atmosphere, Xander cleared his throat, a subtle demand for attention, before taking the initiative to go inside the bar first;
“W- we should go… I don't want to stay out for too long… work and all.”
Chris raised a brow, The whole situation confusing to him. However, he didn't comment on it, not yet at least. He ended up just keeping an observant eye on Xander's dismissiveness, and Eve's sudden closeness to him. Whatever stunt they have in store for him… He's not buying it.
He side- glanced at Eve, wondering what she'll do next, But when the lady herself just shrugged him off and followed Xander inside— Chris swallowed the question he's Itching to ask and followed along too, entering the bar. He'll find the right time to ask. Maybe he'll catch up on it himself. But for now… he's here to party and forget. Forget what had happened to him and Ethan. As all clubbing should be.
You've got to be kidding me.
The moment two pairs of ocean blue eyes met from opposing sides of the bar, full of people that walked around them mindlessly, Xander and Ethan immediately had the same thought. The memory that plagued their minds on sleepless nights after it happened, started playing against their wills once more.
That damn kiss. A battleground against reckless decisions, willful reign for dominance, and forbidden, unwanted lust. The taste of each other's mouths— Xander tasting the residue of beer Ethan had chugged in consecutive rows without stop, while Ethan tasted Mints in Xander's mouth; One that he had a habit of eating when stressed inside the Elder's lair. All of it. They remember it all too torturously clear. As if it just happened yesterday.
And now… they're here. Seeing each other eye-to- eye again, as if they're not suffering enough as is.
And at the same bar no less… This isn't even the same bar Ethan went to that night… What are the chances?
Ethan was the first to avoid the gaze— feeling awkward, as he tried (and failed-) to shift his focus back on the conversation Aaron and Nina had been dragging out for a while, while Xander's eyes narrowed in annoyance before he forced his own eyes away. There was a silent understanding on both sides that they should remain on opposite corners of the bar from then on to avoid causing each other trouble, because they know that once their paths overlap again…
They wouldn't like the results.
Unfortunately for them, their fates have different plans.
“Ethan?”
Ethan flinched, hearing the familiar voice of the traitor he couldn't believe he once loved. His jaw immediately clenched, as he turned with a narrowed glare to the source of the voice.
Christian Dean.
Of course he's here.
“What do you want?”
Ethan replied coldly, his expression far from inviting or welcoming. Christian's eyes faltered for a moment, their glimmer of hope turning to devastation at the sight of their former lover's sudden repulsion against him. He tried to reach out— touch Ethan's hand— but Ethan immediately pulled away from it, which caught Aaron and Nina's attention.
“Darling, Won't you at least let me explain?”
“There's nothing to explain, Christian. Just go…”
His voice was firm, leaving no room for arguments. But Chris wasn't known to be stubborn- headed for no reason.
“Ethan please… that night was an accident-”
“Accident? AN ACCIDENT!?”
Thankfully, Ethan's voice was muffled enough by the loud party music inside the bar, and the people around them remained clueless of the tension building up in the room.
“Ethan… what's going on…?”
Nina tugged gently at the hem of Ethan's shirt, worried plastered in her golden- like eyes, Yet Ethan didn't even spare her a glance. He simply turned his head a bit on their direction— keeping eye contact with Chris as if he'll do something they'll all regret if he took his eyes off of him— before briefly telling them to leave him be first;
“Nina, Aaron, Go get us a table and order drinks first. I'll catch up with you both later.”
Ethan's voice remained flat, and yet there's a commanding undertone in it— One that spoke volumes as to why Ethan was even a Police Captain in the first place. The way he spoke wasn't lost on Aaron and Nina, but as much as they'd wanted to inquire about it, They knew there's a line they shouldn't cross. The line that's Ethan himself.
So, despite their hesitancy, Nina and Aaron left— Leaving Chris and Ethan face to face… the world blurring around them.
“Darling… Please, I really didn't mean—”
“So what? What am I supposed to believe here, huh? That Your hands just so happen to find their way to the rope tied around Michael's neck? And your hands just happened to pull it down with a much- needed force, that eventually took Michael's life. Was that it? Was I just a fool to you, Dean ?”
Chris tried again, stubbornly trying to get ahold of even just the smallest semblance of control over Ethan. To try to get him to listen. But Ethan could see right through it now. Ethan's not blinded anymore— not by his schemes, and certainly not by the sheep disguised as a wolf underneath.
“Don't you fucking dare touch me, Dean! Get away from me!”
“Baby, Please just listen!”
“Don't call me that—!”
Once Chris's hand found Ethan's arms, he suddenly found his whole body reacting violently against it— repulsed. He tried shaking, squirming the other's grip away, But Chris was stronger. His firm grip made Ethan's disgust heightened by a degree, and out of Panic, he looked around for help.
“Ethan, Ethan please…”
He could hear Christian's voice, but it sounded like a mere echo in his head. He wanted to shout for help, but it felt useless— after all, he could just be seen as overreacting. And with Christian's tactics, he could easily manipulate everyone to believe he's going insane.
Just as Ethan was about to punch Chris in the face for self- defense…
His gaze suddenly landed on Xander.
Yet instead of feeling relief for the other's presence…
He felt… angry?
There, behind Christian, Xander stood with gaze unfocused. His eyes were narrowed, focused at the two interacting. Gaze filled with hate and hurt. Hurt that stemmed from his undying devotion to a sinful man that is Christian Dean. Why…? For reasons Ethan had yet to know.
Such a hard man to read. Always has been.
But if he's so hurt, then why won't he do anything?
Why won't he pull Chris away from Ethan? Can't he see how repulsed Ethan was with the other's touch? Why won't he take action and distract Chris away? Didn't he wanted this? Wasn't this the sole reason he made the deal with Ethan in the first place?
Why won't you take Action… Alexander?
Because he knew it was hopeless.
Chris had a way of making Xander feel inferior around him. Like he didn't matter to him at all.
He had no rights to feel possessive, or jealous of the other. And yet he couldn't help himself.
He cherishes the other with his whole being.
No matter how undeserving he was.
And so… even as he helplessly watch the person he loves the most beg for another person's forgiveness and love.
Alexander could only do so much… as see it all happen in front of his very eyes.
Like a doormat meant to be stepped on.
“Xander…”
Eve's voice was a soft awakening against Xander's delirium, taking Xander's focus momentarily from the painful scene in front of them to her and her only. When their eyes met, the immediate sight that welcomed Alexander was pity, making him feel even more pathetic and inferior as it is. Evelyn meant well, that much Xander knew, but it never failed to make him feel even more powerless as it was to be looked at that way.
With a soft, sad snicker and a light- hearted humor, Xander nudged Eve gently at her side, trying his best to pretend that he's fine.
“Don't look at me like that, Eve… I'd start thinking you love me if you do…”
Yet even as he said that, Eve's brows only furrowed. There was something about the clever Eve that could see through so easily inside what Alexander was thinking. The way he spoke, the way he moved… Evelyn notices every little detail about him, and sometimes, It creeps Xander out to no end.
Tentative hands reached out and caressed Xander's face, reaching out as she cradled it and led it to look solely on her. Maybe it was out of desperate need for comfort, or his body's plea for a warmer embrace than cold shoulders, but Alexander found his body relaxing and leaning in on the soft and carefully manicured hands. If Eve was ever caring for Xander, it was solely when Alexander needed it the most. She was always just right on time… when Xander's about to crumble and fall.
“Don't focus on them… focus on me.”
Xander closed his eyes on Evelyn's touch, feeling as she leaned in on him… closer and closer…
How… dare he?
Has he got no shame?
While Ethan was suffering to get the man he hates the most off of him, Xander still got the guts to flirt with another person?
Wasn't he the one that wanted this? The one who wanted Ethan to stay away so he could have him?
Now that he's doing just that… then why…?
Why won't he take Chris away?
Is Alexander just really irresponsible? Can he not take accountability for his actions?
No wonder Christian doesn't like him back.
Ethan's gaze darkened as more and more sickening thoughts of Alexander filled him. Such an audacious move, really. He's worse than Christian's job. He's a sick player, who likes playing with people's hearts. Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree after all, huh?
Now he knows why he kissed him.
It's so he could break him, worse than Christian would ever do to him.
And worse?
It's working.
The random times Ethan's mind would just unknowingly and uncontrollably wander to that night… wondering what Xander's lips crashing to him meant… what was the intention behind the passionate act to suddenly be used in a situation where it's opposed to.
Do you hate me this much… Alexander?
“Darling…”
Ethan could see— despite blurry— the way Christian's towering figure slowly started to block his sight from Xander and Eve, A dreadful feeling suddenly creeping inside him as they left his vision. For some reason, He suddenly started feeling restless— as if something bad was about to happen.
Was Xander and that woman gonna kiss? Ethan tried to tilt his upper body sideways to try and see, but Christian was cupping his face, and tilting it so that he would look at him.
But Ethan wouldn't. He just couldn't be forced. He needed to see Alexander. He didn't know why, but there's this anxious feeling inside of him the moment Xander left his peripheral vision.
And then… before he could even make out what was going on…
Ethan felt someone's breath tickle in his lips.
He didn't even realize that Christian had gotten so close, their lips were almost touching.
Ethan's eyes widened, his mind incapable of processing too much information. Suddenly, he's too hyper aware of his surroundings— The breathing of people nearby, the murmurs and yells, the music and the footsteps… everything.
He gritted his teeth, his head automatically tilting backwards to avoid Christian's lips… and then—
“I got you now, Alexander… I'm here.”
That woman's voice.
Ethan's jaw clenched, and out of nowhere— finally found the much needed strength to push Christian off of him. Even Chris stumbled back in surprise with such strength; Had Ethan grown to repulse him this much?
Chris hadn't even recovered from his surprise, When Ethan suddenly started walking purposefully behind him, bumping him aggressively by the shoulder in the process, as if the man knew no boundaries nor peace. Only wrath and war. And for a fleeting moment, Christian could've sworn he saw such intense anger on Ethan's eyes it left him frozen in place.
Was that anger directed to him…?
No.
It wasn't for Chris.
It was directed to only one person that Ethan found himself hating the most aside from Chris right now.
And as his feet lead him to their direction— blinded by Anger, and something much more intense that he himself couldn't point out—
Ethan had only one goal in mind;
Make Alexander regret ever crossing his way.
Maybe Alexander thinks of Ethan as a pushover. Maybe he sees Ethan as an easy prey— easy to catch and mock. He had allowed Alexander to have his way on him too many times, and it was being abused.
That had to change.
Because there is always a line…
Noone should be willing to Cross.
“Alex.”
Ethan found himself stepping in the middle of Xander and Eve, making Eve stumble backwards in surprise. There was barely contained rage behind Ethan's glare, and when Xander opened his eyes to see who had called him— he was instead welcomed with an aggressive pull and…
A kiss.
With the man who did not let him sleep for days, reminiscing about what he had done that night and why.
Alexander, A man who loves so devastatingly devoted,
Faced with an ever- so consuming wrath.
Because If Ethan can't find himself happy because of him…
Then neither should he.
No matter how hard he pulls away this time…
Ethan won't be so kind as to let him go easily anymore.
One heave of breath, one vice grip…
And he'll make him take responsibility for everything he had done for him.
Including… that damn kiss.
“Ethan! Aaron and I already found a tabl— oh.”
Nina's eyes widened at the sight that welcomed her the moment she returned. Ethan's hands were fisted against a handful of Alexander's collar. His head was tilted slightly, brows furrowed and eyes closed as his lips remained firmly connected to the other in a kiss that would later make both of them breathe as though it was their last breaths.
Alexander's eyes were just as wide— if not wider. He was frozen in place for a moment of weakness, before he tried to wriggle his way free, But Ethan was relentless. Even as the sounds of Everyone's gasps of surprised around them filled the place, even as Xander met Christian's unreadable gaze, and Evelyn's possibly amused ones…
Something about this kiss was different than the other, more intense and filled with something passionate. Whether hatred or something both Ethan and Alexander didn't want to name… They didn't know. But it's there, like a warning.
A warning Ethan's not willing to take easily— not until Alexander understands… that he's not someone to be belittle.
Not someone to be taken advantage of.
And he's going to make that warning lasts inside Xander's mind longer. Longer than the way Xander kept him up all night thinking about the reason for their first kiss.
Longer, and firmly tattooed there. As it happens In front of everyone.
Take this as your warning, Alex.
In front of everyone you ever love.
I will not let you step on me ever again.