Chapter Text
"I just want respect! Power! Something, you know? Instead, I live as a houseplant, with idiots." Sans sighed and dropped the book on the complaining flower.
"oops. my magic failed." Flowey wiggled out from under it and growled. He righted his flower pot as Sans watched, slightly amused. Flowey hissed at him.
"You aren't even gonna help, are you? Lazy dirtbag." Sans didn't respond. Maybe he was asleep. Wouldn't have been the first time. Flowey paused for a second, then continued his speech. "Piece of trash. I'm jealous of the people who haven't met you! You continually bring everyone joy when you leave the room. And your brother's a naive idiot."
Sans opened one eye. Flowey continued going. "Yeah, if I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb to his ego and jump to his IQ." Sans sat up and grabbed Flowey around the stem before he could move, leaning in close to his face.
"listen, weed. if it was up to me, you would be dead. the kid is literally the only thing stopping me from tearing you into little bits. I promised them not to kill you, you know? but accidents happen." Sans smiled and Flowey gulped nervously.
"Uh, I didn't mean it. I was, I was joking! Ha ha!" Sans shook his head and picked up the flowerpot. Flowey panicked, shaking back and forth.
"guess what? i'm your babysitter today." Sans gave Flowey an evil grin. "I know, why don't we cook something? it'll be fun." Flowey shook hid head emphatically, but Sans happily ignored it.
He teleported. (Almost everyone hates teleporting except Sans. It makes them nauseous. But not him. Pap is okay with it, too, though irritated with his brother for being lazy.)
In the kitchen, Sans set Flowey down on the counter, turning on the stove from a distance with magic. "yeah, this is gonna be good." Flowey shrieked as his flowerpot lifted into the air and hovered above the burner.
"Sans, what are you doing?!" He waved around. "Put me down!" Sans nodded, releasing the magic holdin Flowey above the stove. Gravity took its course.
"ok." Flowey fell toward the burner, quickly panicking. Flowers are flammable, believe it or not.
"NO NOT HERE AH HELP ME!" Right before he hit the burner, he jerked up into the air, hovering once again above the burner.
"i've got to stop promising not to kill people," Sans said thoughtfully. Flowey nodded.
"Okay, sure, do what you want, just don't kill me." Sans laughed and put Flowey down on the counter.
"those two statements conflict, weed. can't I do both? it would be much easier." Sans turned off the stove and Flowey sighed, relived as all get out. "huh. babysitting you sucks." Flowey shrugged(As much as he can, being a flower) and settled down in his flowerpot.
"want anything to eat? i'm sure there's something in the fridge." Flowey hissed and Sans nodded. "ok. more for me." He opened the fridge, grabbed a bag of chips, and slammed it shut. "you sure you don't want any?" Flowey shook his head.
"Nope, dirtbag. I don't want your junk food." Sans shrugged, nonplussed by the flower's jibes.
And that's when Flowey snapped. He sent several attacks zooming at the skeleton's head. Sans dodged all of them easlily. His eye lit up and he smiled.
" D O Y O U W A N T T O H A V E A B A D T I M E ?"
"SANS! FLOWER! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE RETURNED!" Papyrus threw open the door and took in the scene. Chara and Frisk wandered in next to him and Toriel gently held onto both of them.
"SANS! WHERE ARE YOU, SANS?" Sans wandered in, smiling.
"hey, bro."
"SANS, WHAT DID YOU BREAK?!" Sans shrugged.
"what did I not break?"
Papyrus surveyed the damage. The house was torn up, with bones and vines sticking out of the walls. Scorch marks covered the floor, and Flowey was nowhere in sight. Sans was hiding something behind his back, Toriel reallized, and when she looked more closely, it was a lighter.
"SANS, WHERE IS THE FLOWER?" Sans shrugged.
"I don't know, bro. maybe it went on vacation." Papyrus nodded, satisfied with this ridiculous explanation. Toriel glared at Sans, obviously not buying it.
"Someone has some explaining to do." Sans nodded.
"they sure do, Tori."
And then he teleported away.